//------------------------------// // Rationalization // Story: Choice // by zelkova48 //------------------------------// Spike suffers a crisis of faith in the aftermath of Shining Armor's death, causing him to doubt Equestria's righteousness. Twilight does her best to assure him he’s wrong in his doubts. The fireplace crackled quietly by the rounded wall of Twilight's private study at the Castle of Friendship, filling it with a comforting warmth and illuminating the cold crystalline confines of the room with a serene orange glow that flickered sporadically with dancing shadows. Twilight herself was up working late into the wee hours of the night once again pouring over hefty stacks of parchment, lengthy scrolls and folios full to bursting with documents of varying importance across a multitude of Equestria's military and government branches. She diligently threw herself into her work because it was her duty as princess and because it helps keep her mind distracted from the troubles brewing on the horizon as well as act as a coping mechanism for the tragedy of losing her brother. At this point in time Equestria was closing out its fourth year of war and was blindly stumbling into its fifth. It was a long drawn out sluggish stalemate the far reaching impact of which was already negatively affecting the Equestrians on the home front through a spiraling economy and near present air of unrest among the civilian population. While many were adamant in conversion and the Equestrian ideal, others believed it to be utterly foalish in retrospect. Their forward momentum had been stifled by the recent series of setbacks that had befallen the nation, the tragic death of her brother chief among them. The failed attack on New York, despite being the country's first and only true major defeat insofar, was met with outrage and incredulity from the public. The battle itself wasn't as important so much as the untimely passing of Shining Armor himself, but it did cause a stir for both the right and wrong reasons. Regardless of what those reasons were, Commander-General Shining Armor, prince of the Crystal Empire and Canterlot's greatest son, had been mourned for and celebrated as a war hero. The very epitome of a pony who championed friendship, harmony and the Equestrian ideal, the three core tenets that form the pillars of pony society. And while his death was a loss to all, making the world a lesser place without his gallant presence, what mattered now was not mourning, but action. Action that had already been set into motion by his vengeful widow, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire. The hallowed city of Rome had been glassed by the pure unfettered magical might of the Crystal Cannon in a strategic bid to swiftly end the war by crippling humanity's morale and their faith in pagan gods. Ancient structures that have stood since man's earliest days were leveled in an instant, millions of innocent civilians perished alongside it. It was, without a shadow of doubt, one of Equestria's most heinous atrocity ever committed throughout their entire (known) history... ...And Mecca was next. Although, it would take some time to charge up the superweapon before it can be fired again. Twilight was apprehensive at first about whether or not Cadence should have used such a cataclysmic weapon at all, especially as it was the product of their former nemesis, King Sombra, and because she thought it was strange her sister-in-law had moved on so quickly from grieving to meting out justice a little beyond a week after Shining Armor was killed in action. Mighty as she appeared before her subjects Cadence was clearly not sound of mind when making the decision. But something, or rather someone, had given her the push into believe it was what needed to be done, consequences be damned. She felt deep down that it was her responsibility, both as a princess to her subjects, a soldier in war, Flurry Heart's mother and as Shining's wife to do this. Over time, Twilight had reached a begrudging compromise with the decision. Rationalizing the logic behind everything and was not only complicit in firing the cannon but supportive of it as well, her own worries replaced with fervent resolution. The fact of the matter was that the use of the Crystal Cannon as a means to end the war in a timely manner and as a way to avenge Shining Armor for his dishonorable death was not a necessary evil; only necessary. Thus, Twilight had come to terms with that moral conundrum and accepted things as they were at face value. Spike, on the other claw, had not. The younger drake, tall, slim, broad of shoulder and yet familiar in appearance even in contrast to his younger juvenile state, stood hunched over the mouth of the fireplace, staring deep into the red-hot embers as if it contained the answers to all his problem. And yet, Spike felt very cold in spite of standing so close to the flames threatening to lick at his knees. Of course, it wouldn't harm him much, his hardy adolescent dragon physiology made him highly resistant against such scorching temperatures barring the bubbling intensity of molten lava, and even then his body would grow to become nigh immune to even that in due time. He had chalked up his unusual discomfort as a result of his cold-bloodedness, but that was only a surface level issue at best. Deep down he understood why he was so cold; his innermost doubts about the war had become increasingly prevalent by the day to the point it plagues his waking thoughts more often than not. There was a solemn look of contemplation in his emerald eyes, the loyalty and faith he held in his friends and the nation of Equestria were at odds with his own conscience and morals. The line between right and wrong had blurred and it bothered him to no end. Spike had been there in the war room of the Crystal Empire the day Cadence prepared to fire the Crystal Cannon. He could vividly recall nearly every little detail that occurred the moment the cannon went off. The disconcerting droning hum that permeated throughout the walls of the building as the cannon was powering up, the ambient arcane static filling the air prickling at his scales at every odd angle, the palpable tension on the faces of everyone beside him as they observed with bated breath. Then there was the actual blast itself. It was like nature's roar, an earsplitting cacophony of bellowing thunder mimicking the wrathful cry of an angry god. The earth trembled, windows shattered, the sky itself parted out of fear of the dense stream of destructive magical energies sailing across the Heavens in a blinding polychromatic streak that to the wayward observer looked as if a wound in reality itself has torn open and began to bleed. Sobering did not even begin to describe the primordial rawness of the atmosphere that had ceded attention to the might of the Crystal Cannon. It was only then the sheer magnitude of its very existence, as well as the fact that it was the direct product of King Sombra's cruel ambitions, were driven in like a blunt spike to the skull to those initially ignorant of its overwhelming power. To him, it felt as if the cannon had fired for hours, but as his and everyone else's senses slowly returned to them he had come to learn the terrible experience lasted naught but a single minute. And then, silence. Silence so deafening nopony dare uttered a word lest they shatter its fragility. All that could be heard around the empire was the sorrowful song of the icy winds, the frantic beating of hearts and acrid smell of ozone. Spike thought he understood sorrow when his brother died. He mourned his death, cried his tender heart out until he couldn't cry anymore, until he felt nothing but primal rage for the humans who killed him and emptiness at his inability to do any more than shuffle around papers and keeping track of appointments. He thought he knew how to handle it just as Twilight and Cadance had. He thought he had overcome it and could continue to support the war effort just like his sisters have. But the firing of the cannon, and eventually learning of what it had done to the city of Rome and the people living there taught him that he was dead wrong. And he learned. By harmony, did he learn. He was every bit the vulnerable emotional drake he was now as he was then. Three million humans, an entire city's worth of people, gone, just like that. No warning, no chance to fight back. The result of brutal pragmatism. Sure, he shared his fellow ponies' enmity and distrust towards them but there were limits to what was acceptable... wasn't there? In the aftermath of such devastation he asked himself a question he'd never thought he would ever ask: was that the worth of Shining Armor's life? Indiscriminate bloodshed? He resisted the urge to gag just thinking about it. In the four, nearing five, years of war Equestria had been engaged in he had never really had to think hard on the matter. The war itself always felt so far away, and what with his professional secretarial duties to Twilight the politics of it all wasn't his problem either. He merely followed along as a good citizen of Equestria, loyal to princess and country. And for a while he was content to simply toe the line and regurgitate the common belief held by nearly everypony; humanity was corrupt and needed to be converted in order to save them from themselves. Now, with his innocence all but shattered, he had been forced to take a long hard look at the war from a different more critical perspective, and he didn't like what he saw. Warmongering, moral superiority, dissent, all of it and more escalating across the long years. This Equestria was one he could hardly recognize anymore, if it had been what he'd known to begin with. His convictions were shaken, leaving him torn between what he believed was right and what he thought was proper. Sighing heavily, he spun on his heel and cast a cursory glance across the rest of the room. It was what he expected from Twilight. Wall to wall bookshelves, the contents of which were neatly organized alphabetically and by subject or genre. Apart from those there were sparse smatterings of actual furniture, various chairs and tables of mundane aesthetic but of immaculate quality. It was utilitarian with just enough hint of personalization as to not look and feel so sterile given the unique material that made up the room. The wide-open bay windows of the study gave him a broad view of Ponyville in all of its humble splendor. It was the dead of winter; night had fallen over the town along with so much snow. The twinkling lights of the many lampposts and dimly lit windows of the houses below were like earthly stars mirroring the bright glittering expanse of Luna's own night sky. Merely observing the relaxing scenery did little ease to the tension, however. "Spike," Twilight suddenly addressed, setting her quill down. "May I have some coffee?" "Coming right up, Twilight," Spike politely obliged, walking over to the side table where a silver tray with a tall glass coffee press, mugs, cream, sugar and short pyramid of almond biscottis laid. He gingerly picked up the kettle and poured out a piping hot cup of coffee, the strong bitter fragrance caused a shudder to run up his spine as he reached the sugar cubes. "The usual?" he asked, tongs in claw. "Hmm... No, not tonight," replied Twilight. "Black will be fine." "Must be really important documents you're working on if you're foregoing sugar," he quipped, a gentle smile on his face. With a chuckle, he walked on over and handed her the mug. It flew out of his claws as Twilight grasped at it in her magical telekinesis, bringing it by her side before taking a long sip of the heavenly brew. She smacked her lips and let out an airy sigh as she set the mug down on the desk, savoring the flavorful bitterness and subtle acidic notes. It was a rare exotic blend, limited stock she had received as a parting gift after a diplomatic mission to Saddle Arabia. She hoped the horses there were doing well. "Thank you very much, Spike," said Twilight as she leaned back in her chair. "You know, you don't have to stay up so late with me. I can handle all of this on my own." "It's fine. I enjoy hanging out with you, even if it is just spending time idle while you work. We rarely have moments like these anymore." Spike nodded, his smile evening out into a thin line. "Also, I... I haven't been able to sleep well lately. There's a lot on my mind that keeps me up at night." "Oh," Twilight's feature's softened as she turned to face her brother. "Do you want to talk about it?" "It's..." Spike trailed off, having second thoughts of whether or not he should confide in Twilight. He had no reason to be afraid yet found himself struggling with the need to confess. Subconsciously he had to pick his words carefully, probably frame his internal conflict as something else entirely. Openly questioning the war effort was a good way to catch the attention of the Equestrian Secret Service, not that Twilight would ever rat him out to them... would she? No. No, she wouldn't. However, even if he had an extraordinarily high level of legal protection, perks of being related to royalty, that could be revoked at any moment for any reasons by powers greater than him and he wasn't prepared to potentially gamble away his freedom so recklessly. He may not know much about the ESS but he knew what they were capable of and how far their reach extends. Only the Alicorns were truly immune from their judgement, and, most frighteningly, there were times where even that could be called into question... Sighing heavily, Spike decided it would be best to start off with something empathetic before segueing into more contentious talks. "...I miss him, Twilight. I miss, Shining Armor," Spike uttered truthfully. His heart weighed heavily at the memory of his beloved brother, Shining Armor. The thought of him dead was something he had yet to come to terms with. He slumped against the edge of the desk, expression downcast as he spoke words filled with true sorrow and grief. Nothing he expressed betrayed an ulterior motive. "I-I can't believe he's really gone. It felt only a short while ago that were all laughing together at the dinner table, sharing stories and singing songs. And now he's..." "Spike..." Twilight's voice was soft. She brought a wing over to his side and pulled him into a tight hug. "We all miss him dearly. You don't know the sheer depth of hurt we've have been forced to set aside just to maintain our duties. It's not... ideal, but that doesn't mean we don't care. And Flurry Heart, she lost her dad. She's the most devastated of them all. What matters most is that we lean on each other for support, to overcome the hardships of his passing and learn to make peace with the fact he died fighting for what was right; his family, his friends, his home, for harmo-." "That's the thing!" Spike suddenly erupted, cutting off Twilight before furiously pulling away from her as his face contorted into sullen grimace threatening to spill with tears. "I don't believe any of that!" he finally admitted, causing Twilight to be taken aback by his outburst. "Nothing about his death was noble! Unceremoniously killed then abandoned in foreign lands, it betrays who he was and why we fight at all!" "Spike," Twilight's eyes widened as she let out an incredulous gasp. "What are you saying?" "I'm saying Shining Armor deserved better," Spike grumbled tiredly, looking away as his posture deflated into a dejected stance. "...I don't know why Cadence thought it would be a good idea to use that damn cannon." "You know why," she began carefully, slowly at first to avoid eliciting anymore outbursts from her brother. "We need to break the stalemate, the cannon will help with that." "That infernal thing belonged to King Sombra!" Spike snapped, "Just thinking about it makes my scales itch. What separates us from that tyrannical cloud of sentient gas now that we've used it?" "We are not him," Twilight stated firmly, expression stony. "The intent behind the tool is determined by who wields it. King Sombra was a selfish egotistical despot that brought ruin to everything he touched all for personal gain in a reckless bid for power. He created the Crystal Cannon to exert his dominance over others weaker than him and make example of those defiant of his rule. Distasteful as it may be, we use it as a means to end this tiresome conflict as swiftly as possible in order to preserve lives and save humanity." "Salvation through eradication?" Spike raised a brow. "Twilight, the reports stated that up to three million humans were killed in the blast! Three million that could've been converted! This was what Luna was worried about back then, that we'd resort to just killing all of them in the end because humanity had made it very clear they'd all rather die than convert! Doesn't that bother you in the slightest?" "Of course it does!" Twilight argued. "Nopony, least of all me, wanted to resort to blatant extermination like this! But we are left with fewer and fewer options in the matter or at least those that can guarantee success without such a heavy cost. It is... a tragedy to be sure, something we are all well aware of, but one that was brought upon them as a result of their own obstinance and continuing resistance. Such is the nature of war," she assured, speaking more like a politician than a sibling. Her tone belied an edge of annoyance that she needed to justify any of this to Spike of all people. "I can understand your dilemma, Spike. I really do. But the use of the cannon was a noble one in service to a nobler cause. Millions have died, yes, that is on us, but it was so that billions more can live!" "I don't think Cadence felt the same as you do when she made the call," Spike scoffed, causing Twilight's eyes to narrow. "...I'll admit that Cadence's sudden willingness to use the cannon so hastily to avenge Shining Armor was a mite out of character," Twilight conceded the point, wrinkling her nose. "However, he was her one true love and the father of their daughter. She did what she felt was needed to be done as his wife and as the remaining ruler of the Crystal Empire. Action needed to be taken, to demonstrate to her subjects that she was still able to fight for Equestria and that she cared about her husband. And it worked! Ponies across the country approve of her deed! She has never appeared more gallant and sublime to her subjects than when she gave the order to destroy Rome. It gave them the hope they so desperately needed to know that the war will soon reach its dramatic conclusion. In that moment alone she has galvanized our people and raised their spirits in the wake of Shining Armor's passing. We spoke about it at length and I can understand why she did it. Even if her motivation are ancillary to the main goal of shattering humanity's will to resist I'm sure it will provide her the closure she needs to move on in life." "What about Shining?" Spike whispered, staring up at Twilight worriedly. "Was this what he have wanted?" "...I asked the very same question that day," Twilight reminisced. "The answer is... I don't know. I did try to dissuade Cadence from using the cannon by reminding her of Shining Armor's heroic nature, but it seemed she reached a different conclusion on her own. Fortunately with the gift of hindsight I strongly believe she made the right choice in the matter. Her plan to destroy the three Abrahamic faiths might just be the figurative silver arrowhead needed to finally put this all madness behind us once and for all." She trained a weary gaze towards Spike. "I believe it will work because I trust her. And you should as well. Because if not her, then who?" Spike was quiet. His inner turmoil had not been resolved, if anything he was even more confused than before. Was he wrong to question Twilight's wisdom? She seemed to have it all figured out compared to him. Yet the nagging sensation remained, a little voice that kept telling him there was more to this than what he knew. Standing before Twilight in the silence of the night he felt compelled to make to a choice; accept her wisdom or doubt her. Everything she had said so far made sense, even if he himself couldn't understand why. Perhaps it was familiarity that held him back, the instinctive need to cling onto things he already trusted, that he was comfortable with. He had known nothing but pony culture and Equestria his entire life from the day he was hatched at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns. Even when he made that journey of self-discovery to the Dragonlands a core part of his identity always declared Equestria to be home. Granted, he was certain he was missing some crucial piece of context that could upend everything he knew up until this point, but alas, he had nothing to fall back on but his internalized beliefs. Whether it was because of weakness, willful ignorance, patriotism or some combination of the three, Spike chose to hold onto the rose tinted vision of his nation and the citizens that inhabit it. He chose Equestria. "I... I guess you're right," Spike muttered weakly, looking away in shame. "I'm sorry for getting snippy with you. I think the stress of war has gotten to me, that's why I've been so negative lately." "And that's okay," Twilight cooed, her voice returning to a more amicable tone. "It's been hard for everyone. Four years of constant fighting has made things difficult. Even our friends and neighbors aren't safe from the shadow of war. But you needn't worry yourself, it will be over in due time. Once the cannon is finished undergoing maintenance we'll follow through with destroying Mecca, then Jerusalem. When the shock of their destruction has settled in humanity will surrender themselves to the conversion process before any more blood is spilled." "What if they don't" Spike queried, the lingering vestige of his dissent crying out in one last futile attempt to find meaning in his troubles. "They will," Twilight stated resolutely. "Because the only other alternative is oblivion." She paused, giving herself a moment's reprieve. "I hope this talk has helped you with your problem, Spike." "It... It has," Spike wasn't sure if he was lying to himself or not. He felt better, but in the way where the problem had been set aside, not solved. He was too tired to keep going. It must've been past midnight by now and he was more or less going through to motions. "Thank you, Twilight." "Anything for you, Spike," Twilight smiled warmly, taking a sip from her coffee that had unfortunately gone cold. "Why don't you head onto bed now. You look like you could tip over any moment now." "I think I will... Good night, Twilight." Spike replied before letting out an infectious yawn. He started to make for the bedroom when Twilight momentarily stopped him. "Hey, I'm going to make you a promise," Twilight began. "When the war is over and peace returns let's gather the family and give Shining Armor a proper farewell. A real farewell. Not the national wake with all the ponies and parades and politicians giving vapid unoriginal speeches of his how great he was. Just a quiet ceremony with you, me, mom, dad, Cadence and Flurry Heart. What do you say?" Spike couldn't help but smile wearily at the thought. A humble procession would honor him far greater than any grand wake or ridiculous wartime action ever could in his mind. He hoped it would help Shining Armor's soul find peace in the fields of Elysium and that those who loved him would find peace with themselves once more. "...It sounds like wonderful idea," Spike nodded. "I'm looking forward to it." "I knew you would. Good night, Spike." Spike hurried off to bed shortly after. He found some semblance of comfort and was able to rest without trouble for the night. He slept like a baby free from the challenges of the waking world, dreaming of days where his friends and family could find happiness again in a golden era without strife. ...How different would things be if he had chosen to act on that doubt?