They were finally in the supermarket. Even late at night, there were still plenty of shoppers. Small town, ponies were busy, needed a lot of things and there was only one real grocery store, so it was pretty popular. Locals, visitors and tourists all usually went shopping here at least once while they were in Ponyville. Spike made a trip there at least once a week.
"You DID remember a shopping list, didn't you?"
Spike gave him a slight glare and unfurled a piece of brown parchment. "Got it right here."
"Okay... okay," Dan said, more to himself than Spike. He felt the heat of anger on his breath, like rage fuming out of his lungs, and did his best to just calm himself down.
"Maybe getting you out of the house was a bad idea," Spike said.
"You think?!"
Spike scratched his chin. "Maybe you need something to let your anger out on."
"Where exactly are we going to find that HERE in a grocery store?"
"Hold that thought. I'll be right back." Spike zipped around the corner. When he returned, he had a bag of ice.
"Here."
"What's this for?"
"Punch the ice."
Dan took the bag, held it up and gave it a light whack. "Oooooh. How cathartic. Really, you must be trying to work as a life coach in your spare time."
Spike shook his head. "Dan, just try this for me, please. You know what we're trying to do, to get some of your stress out. Just picture the bag is Rice or somebody-"
Wrenching the bag, Dan began strangling it like it was a helpless, defenseless creature. "You like that? YOU LIKE THAT?! DID YOU SEE THIS COMING, DID YOU??!!" He punched it, punched it rapidly, punched hard enough to break the ice in the bag and nearly rip the bag. The bag eventually did rip and Dan destroyed the contents further, breaking the whole thing until nothing was left but bits of plastic and melting ice on the floor.
"Well... that was a bit much for the first time, but..." Spike looked up at him. "How do you feel?"
"How do I feel?" Dan looked around. "I feel wet. Stupid. My hands are red and nearly frostbitten. I'm cold, my fingers are numb-"
"How about your anger?" Spike asked, hopeful.
"I..." Dan stopped to think. His arms went slack and his expression was plain. "Maybe a bit better. I feel more tired, stupid and cold and wet than angry."
"Let's try another bag of ice."
One-Hundred-And-Eleven And A Half Bags of Ice Later
"Feeling any better?"
"Haa..." Dan panted, "Yes! Y-y-y-y-y-yess, Sp-sp-spaaa-Spiiiike!" He was wet, his shirt was ripped at the waist for some reason, his hands, arms and face were red and icy, but he was smiling. "I feel fantastic!"
"Greeeeat," Spike said, peeling bits of plastic and ice off himself. "Now, if we can just get the janitor-" Turning, Spike came face to face with the janitor pony.
"H-hi."
The janitor was glaring at him. "Welp, I feel pretty good, too."
"Why's that?"
The janitor handed him a mop. "You're going to clean up this mess. Just because you work for a princess doesn't mean you can just go around making a mess of things."
"N... not a problem," Spike painfully replied. "Dan?"
"Ahhh, I feel so... liberated! Finally, you came up with a good idea, Spike!"
"Are you gonna help with?"
"Let's go shopping! Didn't Disco say pancake mix was on sale? Let's start there first!" Dan happily marched off, leaving Spike to clean up the mess. Two ponies slipped by on the ice, and Pinkie Pie took the opportunity to do some skating.
"Get started. And you still have to pay for that ice!" the janitor said.
Fortunately for Spike, it didn't take long. And ice was cheap so it didn't cost much money, another good thing. Spike was thinking about these positives when he caught up with Dan in the breakfast aisle.
"Find the pancake mix?"
Dan slowly turned. "I did. I'm questioning whether I should buy it or not." Spike could see why; the boxes Dan held up had pictures of Flim and Flam on them.
New! Premium Flim Flamcake Mix
Double-Flammy Extra-butter Flavoring
(This product has not been authorized for consumption by the FDA)
"Yeah, put that back."
Cereal was first. Dan was a raisin bran man, plain and simple. The only thing he added to it was milk. Generally, boxed cereals in Equestria were for special occasions with oats being the primary morning meal food. Boxes and varieties of oats and oatmeals had their own aisle in the store, the very first one after milk and dairy. Another reason for cereal's less-frequent usage was because ponies were innocent and easily excitable. The vast majority of Equestrians were too easily tempted to dig through box after box of cereal in search of the prize inside, even if there was no prize.
And the weird part is, sometimes they still FOUND a prize even when one wasn't advertised. I'm sorry, but that's just kind-of creepy to me. Isn't there supposed to be quality assurance with this stuff? When you find a marble in a single serving box, like the little tiny ones that come in variety packs, something is not right. As if you needed another reason not to buy Frosted Flakes. They're Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr-bad for you.
"We could just get frozen ones."
"The cereal's in the cart already," Dan replied. He grabbed a couple boxes of Pop-Tarts as well, because they made a decent on-the-go snack. He used to buy them from vending machines on Earth because they were cheap, quick and filling. He'd have one for breakfast along with hobo fruit(fruit sold by intrepid California hobos) and another as a snack in the afternoon.
They went to the adjacent aisle next. The dairy case was on the store's front wall past the service counter, stocked with all the dairy products like milk, cream and butter. Most of it was farm-fresh, produced in northern Equestrian farms near Canterlot and Manehattan, then shipped via train to Ponyville. As with most supermarket stores, the dairy case occupied a wall with the coolers directly on the other side, so the product stayed as cold and fresh as possible and could be restocked easily.
Dan picked up a half-gallon of two percent milk.
"Nahp," Spike said, "We buy the milk last so it-"
"So it stays fresh longer, I know. This is not my first time grocery shopping. I'm just looking."
"Alright," Spike said. On the other side of the aisle was sliced meats- good things to have on hand for Fluffle Puff, who regularly devoured ham for some reason. When cold cuts were arrayed for her on a plate in an antipasti fashion, however, she tended to eat them slower, probably because she liked the idea of being fancy and still eating ham. Pre-packaged lunch meat wasn't exactly the fanciest faire; Blueblood wouldn't eat it no matter what gender he was, but Fluffle wasn't the pickiest fluffy mare. She was happy enough with honey baked ham and dijon mustard.
Spike picked up an arm full of packages, one-pound each. Each one had more fat, nitrates, nitrites and sodium than a normal human or pony was recommended to have in a week, but Fluffle was no ordinary pony. Capicola, genoa salami, honey baked ham, pepperoni, mortadella, prosciutto, prosciuttini, bologna, summer sausage, olive loaf, pimento loaf, pimento-olive loaf, pimento-olive loaf with pickles, grande soppressata, hard salami, soft salami, medium salami, medium-hard salami, pastrami, origami pastrami, origami-salami-pastrami-Porygon-Z, spam, cram, George Michael when he was still in Wham!, canned ham, canned bread, corned beef, corned pork, porked corn, and half a pound of herb-roasted mozzarella featuring Dante from the Devil May Cry series. And Knuckles. With dill and no added MSG.
"This should settle Fluffle Puff's snacks for the rest of the week," Spike said.
Dan opened the dairy case to put the milk back. Another milk jug slotted itself into place from behind, startling Dan. He let loose of the case door and it closed, but he quickly remembered that the shelves were stocked from the cooler in the back. He opened it again and put the half-gallon jug back in its place, breathing in and out. It was just a clerk stocking the case on the other side, that was all.
One of the milk cartons caught his eye, specifically the side of it. He opened the second door quickly and retrieved the carton. MISSING was written on the top. At first, through the clear case doors, he thought it looked like a changeling on the carton but no, it was a pony.
MISSING- HAVE YOU SEEN ME?
Dan closed the case door slowly again. It was Mr. Jacobson's picture was on the carton, but he'd been found just a couple days ago. Mr. Jacobson owned the reptile house in Ponyville before he closed and moved into a larger location near Forked Falls. He was a snake charmer by trade and his wife owned a gator farm. Together, they were pretty big about reptiles. Mr. Jacobson had gone missing after the return from the moon when it was discovered his reptile house had been magically rebuilt.
Everything in Equestria had been reset to how things were shortly after the show started, meaning after Twilight had just moved to Ponyville. There were a few exceptions, including the Golden Oaks Library and the Crystal Empire, both of which were not on Equestria when the planet was destroyed and then restored. They were shielded from the effect of the reset, as were the ponies, but all the creatures, plants, trees, buildings and everything else had been reset completely. As if everything that had happened in the years since the show started had been erased.
Perhaps the Director got what she wanted after all.
Despite that Mr. Jacobson's new reptile house in Forked Falls had been erased, he and his wife were in the process of rebuilding it. The reptile house in Ponyville was originally converted into a Denny's, and work had already begun on rebuilding said Denny's. Ponies liked the changes that had been made and were taking the opportunity to get them back. Besides, Mr. Jacobson's snakes broke out of their enclosures too frequently and needed more space.
Spike's broom bumped Dan's shoe.
"AA-oh."
"Dan? You alright?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm... I'm fine, just..." he looked back at the milk cartons. He could've sworn the face he saw was that of a changeling on the label.
"Just...?"
"I just thought I saw something."
"Okay... let's keep it moving."
"Yeah."
There next stop was at the deli counter. This was also a stop for Fluffle Puff.
"Hi Chippy."
"Ahh, hey Spike," an older mustachioed pony said from behind the deli counter. "Ain't it a bit late for you?"
"Yeah, well... today was busy," Spike said, rubbing his neck. "Just the usual, please."
The deli pone nodded. "No prob. Just gotta finish this up here." Chipperelli Choppirino, or just Chippy, finished wrapping up a sub sandwich and handed it to none other than Pinkie Pie.
"Thanks Chippy! Hi Spike'n Dan!"
"Hi Pinkie."
"Hey... Pinkie," Dan said unenthusiastically. He had a feeling Pinkie was going to talk their ears off about something or another. It was just a matter of preparing it.
Pinkie smiled. "I'll see you guys later! Chippy's just the best, isn't he?"
"He sure is," Spike agreed. And with that, Pinkie pushed her shopping cart away. Unsurprisingly, it was filled with twenty-one two-foot party subs. Pinkie would've gone with one giant forty-two foot party sub but splitting it up gave ponies variety. Also, it was easier to add or remove stuff on smaller subs.
Pinkie did all the baking herself along with Mr. and Mrs. Cake, except when it came to sandwiches. Party subs were about the only thing she bought in the grocery store and not a party store. Also surprisingly, she explained none of this to Dan and Spike. She had to get the subs into her walk-in fridge at home so they'd stay fresh for parties tomorrow. Pinkie Pie had a reputation, after all.
Chippy wheeled out a very large pallet of boxes.
"You wanna get the first pallet, Dan?"
"First?" Dan looked in confusion at the assortment of crates, and then confusion turned to abject horror. "What even IS all this?"
"Fluffle's ham for the week."
"The WEEK?!" The pallet of ham boxes went from the floor to Dan's chin, the weight being something he could only guess out. "How much ham does this thing put away?!"
Spike sighed. "We'll be ready for the other pallets in the morning, Chip."
"No problemo."
Dan opened one of the boxes on the top. It was all ham.
"THIS IS NOTHING BUT HAM!"
"Yeah. It's a pallet of ham."
"YOU BUY A PALLET OF HAM EVERY WEEK?!"
"Six pallets. Fluffle likes smaller meals on Sundays and pie for dessert."
Dan closed the box again, his hands noticeably jittery. "O...kay."
Spike looked at Dan. Then, he turned to Chippy. "Better just let us get those tomorrow, Chippy."
"Righty then."
They walked off, with Spike following Dan, until they reached an aisle they needed to go down and Spike had to get Dan's attention. Dan tried focusing on the floor, on anything, just things to keep his mind going so he didn't think about Rice. Until he got to the aisle that had the instant rice.
"Dan?"
"What?"
"Try not to freak out, okay?" Spike was not used to talking to people that were in the middle of a breakdown. I'm not exactly an expert either, but for the record, telling them just to 'try not to freak out' probably isn't helpful. Just a thought. It didn't really help Dan in this case.
"What if this is... what if-"
"Dan, relax."
"THIS COULD BE A PLOY! The rice that Rice uses in his rice.... or maybe it has something to do with a SIDE of rice. Like a.. tracking device!" Dan ripped apart a bag of rice. "Yes, yes! Tracking device... on the SIDE of rice! That would be... this is just rice."
Spike glared at him. "We're going to have to pay for that, too."
*Krssssssshhhhhh-krsssssshhhhh*
"It's one of them!" Dan said. "Didn't you hear that?"
"Dan,"
"I'm going after them!!" It sounded to Dan like one of the assassins. The distinctive hiss-click of their gasmasks. Dan ran through the aisles.
*Krssshhh-hssssh* The sound grew louder. Dan rounded a corner into the aisle it was coming from.
"Ah-HA!! There you are!!"
*kzzzzssst-shhhh*
"I know, right?" a unicorn mare said, folding the top of a small bag and putting it in her cart. "They keep moving this thing around, it's almost impossible to find." Her cart had similar bags in it- freshly-ground coffee.
Dan walked up to the machine. The coffee grinder hissed as its gears released, ready for the next batch of coffee beans to turn into grounds.
Spike appeared next to Dan. "We did need to get more coffee. You like the light roast, right?"
"Yes," Dan said, sounding defeated. "A brand NOT endorsed by Flim and Flam please." He turned around. A Sith Assassin pushed a cart by the front of the aisle. "WHAT?!"
He rushed to the front of the aisle and ran smack into a cart full of bread. TF2's Soldier was pushing it.
"You are in my way."
"Uh... yeah, sorry," Dan said.
"I am going around you."
Scout was with him, because someone had to go with Soldier, and someone had to go with Scout. Not that any of the mercenaries that regularly fought in Team Fortress 2 were very stable, but sending one of them out alone was generally a bad idea.
"Dan."
Dan turned around. "What, what is it, Spike?" Spike held up to him a box of Flim and Flam's instant coffee. "I said NOT to get anything with-"
"Just punch it."
"But then we'll HAVE to buy it-"
"Fine," Spike put the box back and gave him a bag of rice. "Here."
Dan proceeded to punch the rice. "Ah... yeah, this feels better. Thanks, Spike." As he hit the bag of rice, Dan felt his stress begin to ebb away again. His heart rate calmed down and his breathing became normal, which was a relief to him. He continued following Spike as the dragon collected things.
Another Sith Assassin pushed a cart, cutting across the front of their aisle again. As he did, the assassin turned to face Dan, but kept on by. Dan shook his head, and they both were gone, however.
"We might have to pay for a few more bags of ice."
"You mean rice."
"Yeah, that."
"I'm never shopping with you again after this." Spike didn't say that, but he definitely thought about saying it.