Starlight walked silently through a dark path, leaving behind the lights of the party while the shadows of the garden enveloped her like an old friend. The laughter and music grew fainter with every step, the sounds of crickets and the rustling of trees taking their places.
The clamor of nature was soothing and she took a deep breath of the night air, feeling a little bit like herself for the first time that evening. Her sanity had been strained to the breaking point, with the incessant music and mindless chatter. She liked parties just fine and could mostly handle herself in a crowd, but right then she regretted coming to this party in particular.
She had accepted only as a way to give Sunburst some prompting. Thinking of him only made her sigh and she leaned against the trunk of a huge tree, looking up at the branches in search of the sky.
She’d been crazy for that stallion for ages, an infatuation that refused to leave no matter how hard she tried to push it away. Their time apart had mitigated it, but now that he was back in her life it had flourished in her heart like a stubborn weed. The problem was that, as sweet as he was, and as lovable as he could be, he was oblivious to many things—her especially.
Everyone else could tell that she thought of him as more than a friend. Her blushing cheeks and her stammering, whenever he was around, gave her away almost immediately, and the knowing smiles and amused glances from her friends always let her know how terrible she was at keeping secrets.
Everyone knew, except for Sunburst. Starlight ground her head against the rough bark, hard enough that the coarse surface scratched her scalp as it passed through the cushion of her mane. She winced when she pulled away, some of the strands tangled in the tree pulling free from her head, and the jolt of pain brought her back to her problem.
She wasn’t in the mood for parties, but she knew deep down why she had to come to this one. This past week had been torture, and Starlight couldn’t take his silence anymore, especially since exactly seven days ago, she had confessed her feelings for him and had yet to receive an answer. She had expected many things to happen, but this silence—this complete shutdown of communication between them—had not been on her list.
She stomped forward a few paces, stopped, and lifted her rear legs to buck them against the tree as hard as she could, letting out a whinny of frustration. The bark gave a satisfying crunch under her horseshoes and the tree shuddered, letting loose a rain of leaves around her. She bit her tongue as she piped down the impulse to do it again, for she knew if she gave in, she would not stop until the tree fell over or her legs broke.
Starlight felt a grip on her chest, tightening little by little before disappearing, leaving behind a phantom pain over her heart. It had been happening a lot lately and she was getting sick of it.
That was why, when a stallion that had been flirting with her for weeks on end asked her to this dance, she had accepted. She wanted a distraction, wanted to bask in the attention of some pony else, when it was clear that all she would get from Sunburst was wavering gazes and uneasy silence—even someone as thick-headed as her could take a hint.
Her hair fell over her eyes and she blew air upwards, watching as her bangs danced in front of her face. She was overdue for a haircut. She couldn’t remember the last time she cut it. The last time she had done a major change in style was when Twilight took her in as her student, which got her thinking, maybe it was time for another change.
She had graduated and after spending years pining over the same pony, it was time for a radical change, a new beginning. A Starlight who was free from the shackles of the past, who walked the straight and narrow, who loved openly and freely, never to be tied down to a pony or selfish doctrines ever again.
She wanted to laugh at the ridiculous image she conjured, but it quickly turned into a grimace. Why did her eyes sting so much? She asked herself as she swallowed the lump in her throat. She needed to move, she could still hear the party if she stood still enough, meaning that she wasn’t far away enough from her problems as she would like. Starlight moved with a decisive step, despite never being at this house before, the gardens were big and sprawling enough for a pony to get lost in—something that she hoped for.
The plants swayed to the call of the wind, the moon her only guide in the dark garden. She shivered slightly and pulled her shawl closer, wishing she had brought a jacket along as the temperature dropped. It was getting close to May and the stray winter winds that the pegasi hadn’t caught yet still lingered in the atmosphere, appearing during the night to bring the comfortable temperatures down.
“What am I doing here?” she asked aloud, and the stray winds answered by ruffling her dress and hair.
She had escaped from the party when she thought she’d seen him. Starlight caught a glimpse of the back of his head as he leaned down towards a mare by his side, his date practically clinging to him as she whispered something in his ear. Starlight didn’t recognize her, and she didn’t care to know who she was, all she did was spare the couple a glance before she felt the need to get out of the room.
A room that was too small and hot all of the sudden, the crowd pressing on her on all sides, the foreleg of her escort felt like a metal band on her hoof, shackling her to this place. Blinded with panic, she obeyed the screaming voice in her mind ordering her to get out. It just…it felt so wrong to be there.
Starlight sighed as she kicked a rock from the path and watched it roll into the bushes. She continued onward, letting her legs carry her as she stared at the sky, her namesake shining down on her.
There weren’t that many stars so close to the city, something she lamented—she’d gotten used to seeing the stars so clearly in Ponyville, being such a small town—as she hoped that seeing some would ease her mind, offer some guidance.
She had no idea what time it was, or how late it was. Starlight could always leave, but that would mean that she would have to bother Trixie since they were renting a room together not far from here. Trixie was probably having the time of her life now and she didn’t want to drag her down with her own personal drama. Just because Starlight was miserable didn’t mean that she wanted everyone to be so as well.
It all came circling back to what she was trying not to think about. It was clear to her now. He’d come to this party—came with some mare—just to spite her, it was what she would’ve thought if she didn’t know him so well. He came here because he wanted to, because her feelings were meaningless to him, something he brushed off with the same ease he dusted his precious books. She wished she could move on with the same ease as him, wished she could catalog her feelings into a neat paperback, place it at the bottom of some shelf and forget about it for years to come.
She wondered for the hundredth time why he didn’t just simply tell her he wasn’t interested, especially after it took her all of her courage to tell him how she felt. She faulted him for that. Sunburst could walk on water as far as she was concerned, but what he was doing to her was beyond cruel.
Cruel to stall everything, cruel to drag this out when all it took was a simple yes or no. She would’ve taken a clear, harsh rejection over watching him smile at a mare in the way she wanted him to smile at her for years.
C’est la vie, as the Prench would say—it would be alright, eventually. This wasn’t her first tumble with heartache and she was sure it wouldn’t be the last. She would overcome this, eventually, and move on with a new chip on her shoulder for the world to see. She wasn’t sure if she could love again, it was much too soon to think about that when the wound hadn’t even begun to heal.
She smiled at her own nonsense. Had her drink been spiked? Since when was she a poet, and a bad one at that?
An unattractive snort escaped her lips, and that settled it. She was no longer in control of herself. If any of her friends saw her like this, they would certainly commit her to the asylum. Starlight wasn’t sure if she would disagree with that sentiment.
She shook her head, looking down at the grass before plopping down unceremoniously.
She was lost in her inner turmoil that she only just realized how cold she felt. It was late and with the unpredictable weather, she was not all too surprised to feel the moisture seeping into her back. She couldn’t bring herself to care.
But that was it. Starlight was done with caring. Done with him. She’d spent a good chunk of her life in love with Sunburst and all she had to show was misery. It was high time she changed that. She wasn’t all that sure how things worked in that department, but with the help of friends and all that, she was sure she would find a way out of her predicament.
The first thing she would do in the morning was to get a haircut. She recalled how, months ago, Sunburst had remarked that she looked cute with long hair, and she thought so too, but hearing him say it had sent her heart fluttering, it made her hesitant to cut it more than it was necessary. But it was time for a change. Rarity said that short manes and tails were in style this season, she insisted that Starlight had the bone structure to pull off such a modern look. Maybe it was time she listened to her.
Maybe she would start taking her friends' advice more seriously—they did have more experience than her when it came to relationships—maybe they could shine a light into the world of love, in which she was hopelessly lost.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a hoof on her shoulder, she jumped and froze in place when she saw a flash of red and gold smiling down at her.
“Starlight, what are you doing out here?” Sunburst stood by her side, leaning towards her. He was smiling serenely, his wide eyes focused on her alone.
Starlight just stared back, wondering if she was beginning to hallucinate. There was no way that Sunburst was outside, in the dark, leaning over her shoulder in the sprinkling rain.
There was just no way.
Sunburst’s smile faltered when she didn’t answer. Maybe it was the incredulous look that put him off, but he had prepared himself for her surprise when he found her in the garden.
“Y-You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said awkwardly, shivering in the cold night. His smile turned to a grimace as his lighthearted comment fell flat between them, making the situation even tenser.
Something was wrong, he knew it, but didn’t know what to do or how to fix it.
His messy hair was starting to meld onto his neck, the wisps wet from the relentless but gentle shower falling from the dark sky. The passing clouds covered the moon and the stars, leaving them alone with their troubles. His eyes wavered when she simply sat there, unmoving. His neck was starting to feel sore so he did the next best thing, he sat next to her—uncaring of the cold, wet earth staining his cloak as he settled on the grass.
“You shouldn’t sit down,” she said but didn’t move to stop him. “I think the rain is going to get worse.”
He shrugged, crossing his forelegs comfortably and staring ahead. He didn’t know where her stare was fixated, but at least this way he could keep her company, even though she visibly withdrew from him, acting like he wasn’t there. He felt lost, and he wondered if he was making things worse by being here. Things were not going according to plan, but to be honest, Sunburst had no plan when he came to find her.
“You haven’t answered me Starlight, why are you out here?” He pressed when the silence turned heavy.
“It seemed like a good idea at the time,” she took her time answering, but there was an edge to her words and it made him hesitate.
Starlight watched him from underneath her long bangs. He seemed torn about something, and his saddened expression stirred some emotion in her, but she couldn’t say that she was as elated to be with him as would have been a couple of weeks ago.
“I…I really screwed this up, didn’t I?” He finally asked, but the way he worded it sounded more like a statement than a question.
Starlight didn’t answer, didn’t find the need to add to his words. The usual familiarity that they had was missing, and it felt like she was sitting next to a stranger instead of a friend. She couldn’t stand it, she had to leave before she embarrassed herself any further.
She stood up and started to leave. It didn’t matter what she had to do, but she had to get out of here. She would find Trixie first, even if she had to disrupt whatever fun she was having, Starlight was going to convince her that it was time to leave. Trixie would be disgruntled for sure, but she would understand, she always understood and would commiserate with her plight and help her figure out what to do.
Something yanked at her dress. His magical grip tightened before she could even take a step.
“Why are you leaving?” His tone was deflated, devoid of his usual tilt.
Starlight bit her tongue, what was she supposed to say? She felt like a message in a bottle, her throat, and stomach filled with words that he ignored and threw back at sea. He left her drifting for a week and now he wanted to make amends? The bitterness in her tongue made her grimace. The rain increased at that moment, but it only lasted for a few seconds, just enough to drench her withers and mane.
Sunburst’s head was hanging low, his messy hair plastered to his face and his cloak clung to him like a second skin. She felt a wave of concern for him—remembering how sickly he was as a foal—and her mouth opened, wanting to urge him to stand up and go inside where it was dry.
But her hurt twisted her words into something more biting.
“Why are you here?” Starlight threw back, evading his question. “Let me guess, you just wanted some air? Or were you looking for an excuse to ditch your date for a while?”
She couldn’t face him as the bitter words left her mouth, and she missed his shocked expression. Sunburst’s mouth hanging open, his eyes wide with incredulity. What was she talking about? What date? He was so dumbfounded that he couldn’t speak and he let go of her dress, in which she wasted no time to get moving.
Sunburst scrambled to stand, breaking into a canter to catch up to her. He couldn’t let her walk away without at least getting an explanation for her cryptid remark.
“Starlight, wait!” He called out, running ahead to stand in her way and block her. “What are you talking about?”
She glared and hurried her pace, looking like she was ready to trample over him, but she disappeared with a flash of magic and reappeared a few feet ahead, continuing with her fast stride. She stopped when she felt another tug on her dress, but this time the hold was surprisingly strong.
“You’re such a—!” Her insult was cut off when she found herself pressed against a tree, his forelegs caging her on either side.
Starlight was frozen in place, the hard bark of the tree against her back keeping her grounded, but the fire of his eyes kept her where she was. His glasses had slipped in the scuffle and she had an unobstructed view of his eyes, and Starlight couldn’t look away. His head was hanging low, his wet bangs dripping with rainwater and making his hair darker, some of the water dripped on her face and made her aware of just how close he was…just how appealing he looked.
She was torn between screaming and laughing her head off. It was absurd, she could knock his forelegs away from her without exerting herself (if he really wanted to stop her, he would’ve brought a small army) but she stayed, if only because her curiosity was piqued. Maybe he truly came out here to look for her, if he had dragged some pony else out here, they would’ve stumbled upon them by now.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t really know,” he answered breezily, looking down at her with furrowed brows. It would’ve been intimidating if she didn’t know him so well.
“You know that if you slip, you’re going to fall on me.”
“I know,” he looked away, down at the wet grass, silently debating if he should heed her warning. That might break the ice, or earn him a black eye. Warmth spread to his face at the thought. When he lifted his head, Starlight raised an eyebrow at his blushing cheeks, and her incredulity spurred him on. “Fine.”
He didn’t slip, but leaned forward, making Starlight prophecy come true all the same, and kissed her. It was just a brush of their lips that lasted for a few seconds, but the shy contact was enough to make her heart go into overdrive. Her lips tingled with the ghost of his touch when he pulled away, and Starlight was suddenly thankful for the tree’s support, or she would have fallen on her rump with how weak her legs felt.
“I-I like you, Starlight,” he said, his voice low and soft, but loud in the silence of the cold night. “A lot.”
“Huh?” was all she managed to say.
“I’m sorry if I gave you the impression that I didn’t care.”
Sunburst knew all too well what had happened to him the past week. He clammed up like a shell whenever she was around and started to notice other things that were messing with his comfort zone, things he wasn’t sure he was ready to deal with. It had never crossed his mind that Starlight would be interested in him—until she had said so—and he was ashamed to admit that his insecurity had taken hold of him. What could she possibly see in him? Was this a joke to her? Maybe she had lost a bet? Wanting to get to the bottom of things, he spoke to his friends and they had no qualms in pointing the obvious to him.
For example: hadn’t he noticed that—while she was easily one of the most attractive mares in Ponyville—she never received much in terms of gifts on Hearts and Hooves Day? He was one of the few ponies that gave her anything for the holiday. He’d always thought that he was just returning the favor since she always went out of her way to give him something, but then it dawned on him that he simply hadn’t been paying attention at all. It wasn’t a case of her not having suitors, she had simply turned them all down along with their expensive and thoughtful gifts, but not him. She always took whatever he gave her, and no matter how small the token was, she would always smile and thank him from the bottom of her heart.
The more he thought about it, the more he noticed the other things he’d taken for granted; like the way her touch lingered when their hooves accidentally brushed, the way she smiled when their eyes met from across the room, and the way she blushed when he complimented her. And what was even more mortifying was the comprehension that he’d never minded those reactions, in fact, he came to crave those things from her. The realization was enough to turn him into a blushing, stuttering mess whenever she was around—heck, all it took was for someone to say her name to make him freeze and trip on his hooves.
For all his brilliance, it took him several days to process her confession and articulate an answer; he just hoped he wasn’t too late.
“I know I took too long to answer you,” he said as sincerely as he could, it was all he could do to make things right. “I never meant to drag this out.”
Starlight’s expression was impassive, and the longer he waited, the more his heart sank and broke. As much as it hurt to receive only silence, he figured it was only fair he suffered through it, at least now he understood what she felt for the past week. He pressed his lips into a firm line and he dropped his forelegs from the tree, setting her free, unable to look at her in the eye for fear of what else he would find.
“I’m sorry, I’ll leave you alone,” he walked away with a determined pace.
He had to leave, find a way to get back to his hotel, even if he had to walk all the way there, he would do it. Shining Armor was attending the party as well, maybe he could give him a ride? He did so earlier that afternoon—when Sunburst found out that Starlight was attending the ball after all—since the Captain was assigned to chaperon a young lady from Trottingham, he saw no problem in helping out his daughter’s crystaller as well. He has been very understanding of his plight, more than Sunburst thought he would, when his other guy friends would’ve laughed in his face had he gone to them for help.
He stumbled over an elevated part of the path, he caught himself, but not before he felt a familiar sting in his eyes. His heart rate increased and he sniffled; his throat hurt, constricted, and dry no matter how many times he swallowed. He closed his eyes to prevent the inevitable flood, at least for a moment longer.
He willed his hooves to move as he took a deep breath, then another, and another, in time with his walking. The smell of wet earth and freshwater chilled his lungs, but it calmed him down just enough for him to raise his head with more dignity—though there was little poise to be had when he was drenched from head to hoof, he found that he didn’t care.
He abruptly stopped, coming upon a figure he thought he left behind. How did she get here so fast?
Starlight stood before him, out of breath, and then proceeded to tackle him in a hug. They stumbled, but thankfully don’t fall, as Sunburst returned the gesture, confused but elated. He realized how warm she was, how petite she felt in his embrace, how right it was to hold her like this, and what an idiot he was for not realizing it sooner. He took a gamble and nuzzled her damp hair. She smelled like rain and lavender.
“Do you forgive me then?” Sunburst asked lowly, petting her mane.
“No.” His heart stopped, but Starlight held him tight. “If you want my forgiveness, you got to earn it.”
“How?” He asked, trying not to sound desperate and failing.
She pulled away, not enough to break away from the embrace, and said, “Kiss me.”
He hesitated for only a second, then pulled her in and kissed the daylights out of her. Her whole body tingled as his hooves settled tentatively on her shoulders and their kiss, though clumsy, deepened when she wrapped her forelegs around his neck. They parted much too soon for her tastes, both of them with red cheeks and pink lips. Sunburst leaned his forehead against hers, their horns crossed gently as they breathed in the night air, unwilling to let her go too far.
Starlight giggled gently, thinking of how ridiculous they looked standing there, soaked to the bone and their faces red. If anyone saw them it would be hard to explain, she knew they would have to, eventually, but for the time being, she just let herself enjoy his presence.
Sunburst brushed her wet bangs aside. “You need a haircut.”
This time she laughed out loud and ruffled his messy mane. “Look who’s talking.”
“My mane is a lost cause, but yours is salvageable.” He said with a grin, but it wavered for a bit when he spoke again, “So…am I forgiven?”
Starlight pretended to consider this, just to give him a hard time, she waited until his face pinched with worry before she answered and smiled gently. “Yes, you are.”
His whole body relaxed and he smiled, staring into her eyes and noting that she wasn’t looking away. She met his gaze without fear or doubt, the fire of her soul burning bright in her eyes, but full of tenderness and love. He realized that he would crave that look, that fire, for days, months, and years to come.
“You never did tell me what you were doing out here?” He prodded again, curious. He had an inkling as to why, but it was a great way to keep the light atmosphere going.
“I just needed a bit of air,” she replied, nudging him towards the house. “I should do that more often.”
Sunburst pushed against her, nuzzling her cheek, letting go of his doubts and indecision now that she was nearby. All that mattered was the future and his choice to be by her side. Suddenly going back to the house wasn’t as appealing now that she was beside him.
“You’re right, nothing clears the mind better than fresh air.”