//------------------------------//
// Ch. 12. UN-popular? 
// Story: If Wishes Were Ponies, Book II 
// by tkepner 
//------------------------------//

Saturday brought a new set of problems for the professors.

They had only thought Harry and his herd-mates were a handful, last year.

After hearing all about Princess Twilight’s, and the other Bearers of the Elements’ adventures in Ponyville for the previous three years, all Equestrians were well-warned of the Everfree forest. They knew that any pony adventuring inside might never make it back outside again. Even the Equestrian Royal Guard only ventured inside in multiple teams at a time. The massive wall built around the portal to this world proved how dangerous it could be.

But the Forbidden forest beside Hogwarts just didn’t have the same sort of cachet as the Everfree. It didn’t look dangerous. It didn’t feel dangerous. It didn’t smell dangerous — no scents of death, decay, and rot. Nothing. Just a forest. It appeared quite innocuous, actually. Almost like a park, really. It just needed a bit more care from a few earth ponies and it would be just fine and dandy.

The young ponies, Harry knew, hadn’t yet learned that just because something seems safe doesn’t mean it is safe. Especially those who had never seen the parasprites, or heard of them, to learn that lesson.

Plus, all the Equestrians in Hogwarts were familiar with the stories of Harry’s herd’s adventures in the Forbidden Forest. Or, to be more precise, their lack of adventures! Except for one or two vague incidents, there was almost nothing mentioned.

Princess Twilight had cleared out the really dangerous creatures, already, hadn’t she, then?

This contrasted well with the horror stories about the scrapes the Cutie Mark Crusaders had gotten into in the Everfree. Stories of tangles with timberwolves, poison joke, swarms of bees that invaded Ponyville, and the like, quickly were approaching the status of legends. Especially when the new students discovered the “published” Harry Potter books that were available from a certain Hogwarts student. Being signed by Harry Potter and his herd-mates “proved” they were true. The books had been quickly snatched up and offered as confirmation that the Forbidden Forest wasn’t all that bad.

Harry knew one enterprising Slytherin pony, Silver Spoon, had sent a query letter to an Equestrian publisher with her copy of the book. She said she was the agent for the Hogwarts student who had originally put the book together. She promised the publisher a second book if he liked the first. 

She planned to tell the compiler-student of her status as his agent, and the book’s acceptance, as soon as the Equestrian publisher sent her the contract. She didn’t think the wizard would mind. After all, the advance, alone, would make him rich by witchery standards.

She thought he was a little rough around the edges, but those could be gentled with the right approach, and a firm hoof. After all, he wasn’t even out of school and had secured a steady income worthy of an adult. Not that he realized it, yet. Just like a stallion, to miss the implications and advantages of what he had done.

While it had been a shock to see and hear Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon among the enrolees, Harry hadn’t really been that surprised. They had been at the top of their classes in Ponyville. He could see Filthy Rich carefully explaining all the advantages the family would get from learning this new magic — if only to get a better grasp on what his non-pony business partners were capable of doing. 

A great deal of the two fillies’ “superior” attitude over the “blank-flanks” had been drained away at hearing, and seeing, what they had learned and accomplished in the previous year. Her father had impressed upon her that despite those blank flanks, the two non-unicorn fillies had managed to learn MAGIC. And their unicorn friend already could teleport, something Tiara’s mother couldn’t do! Not to mention that the three had the ears of the Royal sisters!

The two earth ponies were still stuck-up, though, and fit in perfectly with the snotty attitudes of the rest of the Slytherins.

Naturally, where Diamond Tiara went, Silver Spoon was quick to follow.

It was obvious that while the attending ponies at Hogwarts had been a random drawing from a pool of a thousand volunteers, some selections had not been as random as others.

Harry could only shake his head. That poor Ravenclaw didn’t have a chance.

So, many of the new students, who were the most curious and bravest colts and fillies in Equestria — they had volunteered to come to Hogwarts, after all — took the forest as a challenge. With the pegasi as overhead scouts, teams of ponies headed into the forest in search of unicorns — and adventure. Most were intercepted by Hagrid, professors, or prefects before they had ventured too far across the lawn, several did not even make it out of the castle when they prematurely announced their destination. 

Previous failures to reach the forest, however, did not deter repeat attempts.

Hagrid had only thought he spent most of his time keeping the Weasley twins out of the forest. The Equestrians pushed that to the limit!

The acromantulas fled a little deeper into the forest. They were beginning to develop a phobia about the colourful, innocuous-appearing little ponies.

It was a weird concept to realize that some spiders would have a pathological fear of ponies as some people had a pathological fear of spiders.

Several Centaur scouts found themselves under intense scrutiny from ponies perched on branches or hiding under bushes. Ponies that were easy to spot, given their outrageous coat and mane colours that could be spotted a hundred yards away. However, all of those ponies laboured under the mistaken impression that they were well-hidden. That the ponies were barely bigger than Centaur new-born foals just made the situation that much more surreal to the bigger creatures.

The Centaurs had briefly met the ponies from the Royal Guards last term — all well-equipped and ready for combat. However, these tiny versions left them scratching their heads in confusion. The Centaurs quickly learned that the moment the ponies realized they had been seen, they took off running — or flying! — with phenomenal haste. It was astonishing just how fast the little ponies could move those hooves — and Centaurs were part-horse, so they shouldn’t have been able to be surprised! As a result, the Centaurs never did find out why they were under such intense scrutiny by who they eventually realized were new Hogwarts students. 

Hagrid and the other professors trying to corral the tiny ponies sort of gave the game away.

One half-blood student watched from the castle ramparts that Saturday, with a bag of popcorn supplied by the house-elves. At dinner, he regaled his listeners with what he called a live-action game of whack-a-mole — figuratively speaking — as the professors, prefects, and Hagrid tried to round up the groups of curious ponies to the lawns. All it needed, he said, was sped-up action and Benny Hill music in the background. The pure-bloods were puzzled, but the muggle-born and in-the-know half-bloods were laughing so hard they almost fell off their benches. 

Harry figured Discord was, too.

For the first time in Hogwarts history, according to Hermione, almost half of the entire First Year class received detentions — it was no surprise that they were all ponies. 

For the same offense. 

Multiple times.

And none of them regretted it. 

They only regretted being caught. 

Several regarded it as excellent training for the EUP. They intended to keep trying until their stealth methods succeeded.

This was not the behaviour the Professors had been expecting from the Equestrians. Earth horses and ponies, although curious, were a good deal more skittish — the slightest unexpected movement would send them running. That was why horses had to wear blinders when not in a barn or pastures, and riders had to keep a close watch on their mounts. To ride postilion on the Royal Carriages was not a ceremonial position of no consequence.

Keeping Harry and his three girlfriends in line last year hadn’t been anywhere near as difficult as this. 

Equestrian ponies . . . were unexpectedly different.


^-~-^


The rules posted beside the Gryffindor portal door had been amended with some additions that Saturday evening. Not exactly a surprise to Harry, all things considered. However, they weren’t all the amendments he had expected: *



5)

d) 

i) the Grand Stairwell area is considered part of the stairs, and, as such, Pegasi are not allowed to free-fly in that space — in any direction.

12)  

d) Showing off your cutie mark as an animagus is allowed. As a human, disrobing or lifting your robes in public to show off your “cutie mark” is not.

e) Neither is doing so in private with a member of the opposite sex. 



He only wondered why it had taken them so long to notice that the fillies were not shy about showing off their cutie marks to anyone who asked . . . and to many who hadn’t asked.

He was soo glad there were rules, and laws, on this side of the portal regarding nudity. The mares couldn’t tease the stallions, as they sometimes did in Equestria, by revealing, accidentally of course, what their clothes normally hid.

He wondered how the adults had missed the ponies nearly stripping witches and wizards when they heard they didn’t have cutie marks at all! It would only be a matter of time before a rule “f” and “g” appeared:



f) Forcibly disrobing an individual to see if they really don’t have a cutie mark is forbidden.

g) So is doing the same if they do have a cutie mark.



He was relieved to see, however, that Rule Six no longer referred to Hermione directly by name. Did the other Houses have similar problems with over-indulging that activity? Considering their reputation, he rather thought the Ravenclaws might be so inclined. Especially for rules a) and b) — no overstaying personal books from home and no Book-walking after lights-out. He wondered if he should suggest a few more additions to the rules, or wait until their need became obvious.

For example, what if they borrowed somepony else’s book? Or had started the bookwalking before lights-out? And only five points for each infraction? * The ponies he had met from Celestia’s School in Canterlot would certainly consider that a fair trade — they’d easily make up the lost points in class the next day!

It might be better to just wait, he decided. That way he wouldn’t make anyponies think he was spoiling their fun.

Besides, if he provided a bit of chaos, maybe Discord would be less inclined to meddle with him or his herd-mates.


^-~-^


Harry and the herd walked into the Great Hall for an early dinner Sunday and stopped a few paces inside. Five Equestrian unicorns were sitting or standing at various places, staring at the ceiling with expressions of concentration or anticipation, their horns aglow. The few other students that had already arrived were all gawking, astonished at what they were watching. Naturally, he looked up, too.

It took a moment for him to realize what he was seeing.

The enchantment on the ceiling, and the trusses, made it difficult, at first. He could see parts of heads and arms against the projected sky, as well as a few whole students. Over a dozen students were walking on or floating beside the beams.

His muttered, “What the bloody hell!?” got a response from a nearby Equestrian.

“It’s Rule 5, don’cha know? Pegasi aren’t allowed to fly in the Great Hall,” he said dryly. “Plus, some of us unicorns wanted a closer look. So, we’re taking turns.”

Harry sighed. Right. There’s no way the pegasi wouldn’t fly up to the ceiling and look around. And the unicorns would want a much closer look at the interplay between the spells on the ceiling and those on the support beams below them. Using a spell, instead of flying, satisfied their curiosity and didn’t break the rules. No professor had ever forbidden the use of levitation spells to move the platters of food on the tables.

“Wingardium leviosa?” said Hermione with a slight lilt to her voice.

The student chuckled. “Of course. It’s really quite useful for this.”

“Bloody hell!” said a seventh year, and a few moments later, after a rapid consultation with a friend, he was levitated up to join the curious Equestrians.

In short order there were almost as many students at ceiling height — including Hermione — as there were students on the floor.

Harry panicked, at first, as Ginny levitated Hermione higher. Fortunately, she was wearing a frilly set of pink panties. Plus, he was very relieved to note, that once the witches went over a certain height the contrast between the bright sky that was the enchanted ceiling, and the shaded inside of their robes, took care of that problem. 

Above that height, it was impossible to tell that Rule 12b had not yet been adopted by all the Equestrians. Or that many of the pure- and half-bloods thought 12b only applied to ponies.

Some of the Equestrian mares seemed to realize this and were taking advantage of it by pretend-sitting as they were levitated by a friend. Usually over a group of boys.

Many of the wizards, and some of the witches, especially the younger ones, were receiving an anatomy lesson on the opposite sex that they hadn’t anticipated. There were a lot of red faces. Several witches were punching boyfriends in the arms and ordering them not to look up. Some witches didn’t seem to mind at all — but they seemed focused on certain wizards overhead, though.

It was quite entertaining watching their expressions as students came into the Hall and noticed what was going on. Apparently, not many had ever thought to use that firstie spell as a method of exploration! Harry almost fell over laughing when Hagrid walked in and promptly tripped over his own feet, startled. The other professors were almost as entertaining when they noticed the crowd overhead.

The Headmaster had to tap on his goblet, and “suggest” that everyone return to their tables for the meal, to restore order.

Harry wondered if any of the Professors had been close enough to the students to note the violations of Rule 12b.

After dinner, the pegasi began exploring the upper reaches of each corridor, with the help of earth ponies, unicorns, and other students. They took turns if they found anything interesting. Apparently, there were “hidden” sculptures all over the place. They were mostly snakes, but there were also faeries, mermaids, centaurs, goblins, and dozens of other carvings of magical creatures tucked out of direct sight. There were many others that were only recognizable if you looked straight at them, or from above.

Almost the entire first-year class learned the levitation spell, and became quite proficient in it, weeks before it would be introduced in Charms class. They all earned a point for initiative in early learning.

There were even a few alcoves higher up that no one had ever noticed. The Prefects took notice of the new locations and included them in their routine checks of broom-closets during the day. 

It seemed that since the introduction of the Hogwarts Map in the Headmaster’s Office last year, nightly escapades were a thing of the past. The students were typically intercepted by a Prefect long before they were even close to their broom-closet of choice. Salacious behaviour was limited to normal school hours and the evenings — not that that stopped it. Or even slowed it down by much.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

And hormonal teenagers have a remarkable will for such mischief.

Naturally, this exploration of the castle would take longer than a single evening’s work. It wasn’t unusual, months later, to see a student levitating another student up at the ceiling of a classroom or corridor.

The many detentions the ponies earned from their forays into the Forbidden forest were spent learning how to write with fingers, at first. That cut into their explorations, some, but not that much as far as the Equestrians were concerned. Those were universally in the evening when it was too dark to explore outside. The detentions were certainly not enough to deter them.

The castle had not been as thoroughly explored since it had been built. One wag even claimed to have found a “Kilroy was here” message! It had been chalked on a stone brick in an almost impossible-to-reach place that he had been sure no one had ever been to since the castle was built.

Some of the more daring, or desperate, witches used it as a way to flirt by asking a wizard they were interested in, or their own boyfriend, to help them “take a closer look” at a carving near the ceiling.

The professors had another new headache.


^-~-^


Ambassador Prince Blueblood stared at his visitor a bit quizzically. The Director-General, seated across from him, was a tall neatly dressed man. He had black hair, receding, and a moustache that was a mix of black and grey. He had brown eyes, and his skin was what the English called tanned, but wasn’t.

They were in Blueblood’s office in the Equestrian Embassy, which was in Little Whinging. Blueblood was in his pony form, seated behind his desk in a comfortable chair that held him at eye-height to his seated visitors.

“My secretary told me that you represent the United Nations Universal Postal Union, is that correct, Mr. Adwaldo Cardoso Botto de Barros?”

“Most assuredly, Mr. Ambassador,” the man said with a slight accent to his words. It sounded similar to French, but not as different as Spanish.

Blueblood shook his head wryly. “I must say,” he paused and chuckled. “We have read a bit about the U.N.’s mission, but we appear to have made a minor error in deciding to ignore it.”**

His secretary walked in pushing a tea cart.

Blueblood hid his amusement at watching the human’s reaction to the unicorn serving them. Although the man was an accomplished bureaucrat, who undoubtedly worked with hundreds of others from a myriad of cultures, his eyes widened dramatically at seeing her lift and pour the teapot with her magic. Then adding the sugar and milk the same way, and passing the finished cups and saucers to their tables before leaving. She smoothly closed the door behind her without having to turn and touch the door handle. Even the ones who had heard of the ponies’ “telekinesis” were left astounded at actually seeing it in action.

Seeing a pony do this, an animal he had heard all his life was unintelligent, made it all the more surreal.

“We have heard from many sources,” Blueblood continued, “that its primary mandates are to maintain international peace and security, protection of human rights, the delivery of humanitarian aid, promotion of sustainable development, and upholding international law. None of those have any bearing on Equestrians, especially as we are not humans, nor are we part of your world.”

He took a sip of his cup.

“For us to attempt to join would require re-writing its charter, and reworking most of its functions to include non-humans. A vast majority of the countries in it would refuse that, I’m sure.” He sighed. “In fact, I believe only the United Kingdom would vote in favour of such an action.”

He shook his head wryly. “We hadn’t realized that one of the U.N.’s functions might include assisting in maintaining a world-wide postal system.” He deliberately let himself look impressed. He was, actually. Getting almost two hundred nations to agree to anything was an incredible accomplishment. Even dedicated enemies, here in Earth, worked together in the UPU.

The man smiled. “I can understand your confusion. Many others are likewise unsure of just what the United Nations does in the world besides security and the World Health Organization.” He leaned forward slightly. “Full membership in the United Nations would probably not be of interest to you. As you mentioned, many of the main functions of the Assembly are not relevant to you.”

Blueblood nodded.

“However, you might want to petition them to allow you to have observers at the UN General Assembly, just to keep abreast of the current political climate across the world. Also, the United Nations does have countries who are not members of the U.N. but are members of specialized agencies of the United Nations. For example, there’s my organization, Universal Postal Union; then the World Intellectual Property Organization, which deals with issues of copyrights and patents; and finally, the Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization, which sees to helping keep the peace by spreading word of new discoveries and ideas.” He smiled and sat a bit straighter.

“Your country has certainly attracted the e-es-see-oh’s interest. I’m surprised they have not yet contacted you themselves.”

Blueblood smiled back. “One of their representatives did, but we were still setting up our Embassy, and referred him to the United Kingdom. Unfortunately, we have since found, it would be in our best interest to limit our interactions with other countries. Some of our abilities,” he lifted his tea cup with his magic and took a sip before he continued, “would have some of your member nations declaring a Holy War on us. Being the descendants of a predator species, it would not be unexpected for them to feel they must do something about it.”

He paused a moment. “As you know, some countries are already claiming we are demons. It would not take much for them to jump to that final conclusion, and take attempt to correct the situation.”

The Director-General sighed and leaned back. 

“But we are not greatly concerned about such things,” the ambassador continued, “they cannot hurt us.” He stared levelly at the man. “At present, there is only this one access point between our worlds, so they cannot approach us without confronting the United Kingdom, first.”

He took a sip of his tea. “We would, of course, work closely with the United Kingdom to repulse such a threat.” He sighed. “If they were to try, and the British don’t object too strenuously, one of the Princesses would take care of it.”

“One of your rulers would fix the problem?” Mr. Barros said, amazed. He leaned back. “And not your army?”

“Princess Celestia can call on the sun,” Blueblood said quietly. “The best way to ensure someone leaves you alone is to glass their country.” He took another sip. “Once you have done that, your other enemies leave you alone. The Dragonlands and Griffonstone learned that lesson after seeing what Princess Celestia did a thousand years ago to the country that we now call the San Palomino Desert. The ancient books say it was a quite lovely — forests, lakes, and plains. Now, it’s much like your Sahara, without any oases, though.” 

He glanced out the window. As bluffs go, this was pretty simple. The books that might record such an event were even now being written. Books that might contradict his claim were being sequestered in a vault under the Palace. Only the dragons and griffons could explain the truth. And they weren’t likely to be interested in contradicting whatever the Royal Sisters claimed was history.

“And here, the Princess would not have to worry about accidentally killing one of her ponies.” He looked back at the man whose complexion was now nearly white. It was odd, but he guessed not unexpected, that a human with darker skin would evidence a shocked reaction much clearer than the English.

That American President had had the right of it . . . “Speak softly, but carry a big stick.” And his Aunt Tia wielding the might of the Sun was a very, very big stick. Best get the word out now, before anyone inadvertently called his bluff. 

Tia wouldn’t really roast a country. She had merely melted an uninhabited mountain range, turning it into a desert. But totally destroying a country was an action a predator would resort to doing — there were many stories in the Earth’s histories of peoples being wiped out, and the victors salting the ground so no crops would grow for centuries.

His aunts would just withdraw the ponies from common sight and set up a hidden portal, if they still wanted to keep in contact. Otherwise, they’d simply cut off all contact. What they had acquired so far would revolutionize Equestria and all of Equus, for many, many decades.

“The e-es-see-oh would not interest us, at this juncture,” he said, changing the topic as if the preceding was simply not important enough to discuss further. “The United Kingdom has been very forthright in the exchange of ideas. As a courtesy, we have been scrupulously following their laws regarding patents and copyright.”

He smiled. “However, it would probably be a good idea for us to investigate how your Universal Postal Union and World Intellectual Property Organizations operate. If the restrictions aren’t too onerous, I’m sure the Princesses would be delighted to adjust our laws to be more in agreement with yours. It would certainly facilitate the exchange of ideas.” He nodded his head to one side. “Having a mail system that allowed regular and steady communication between worlds would be more efficient, too.”

He smirked. “Although, assuming that the United Kingdom is using the standards suggested by your Intellectual Properties Organization, you might want to change that ‘life of the creator’ section to something more definite. Many of our citizens are over a hundred years old, and Princesses Celestia and Luna are both well over a thousand years.” He frowned slightly. “It might be two thousand.” He sighed sadly. “The God of Chaos destroyed so many records when he temporarily wrested control of Equestria away from the Princesses.” He looked down for a moment before looking back up. He smiled broadly. “In any case, some of the things the British and Equestrian scientists are working on could make the average citizen’s life reach two or three hundred years.”

Barros blinked a few times, no doubt mulling over what he had just heard. They both sipped at their teas.

After a suitable time, Blueblood said, “So, how should we go about setting this up? Can we do this here, in England, or would it be in New York?”

The Director-General took a quick breath to change the direction of his thoughts, no doubt. 

“Well, our headquarters is in Bern, Switzerland. If you could just drop me a note of when you expect your postal team to arrive, and how many there are, and I’ll have a car waiting for them at the airport. I’ll arrange the hotel for them. Then we can discuss how we want to go about reaching an accord.”

He bent to the side and retrieved his briefcase. “I was hoping you might be interested,” he said, opening it. He pulled out several thick binders. “These are the standards currently in use, as well explanations on how to submit new entries that might be unique to your needs. Once your team has had a chance to examine them, we can discuss how and when to petition the General Assembly for your admission to the UPU. There are explanations for that in one of these binders.”

The meeting went on for a while before ending on the positive note that Equestria was very interested in joining.

Blueblood was interested to see if their “worldwide” system, which was about a thousand times bigger than Equestria’s system, would show them ways to approach the problem that Equestria had missed.

With luck, they could get the other nations on Equus to create an Equus Universal Postal Union.


^-_-^