//------------------------------//
// 30. - Trottingham 
// Story: Pregnant Noses Know 
// by Irrespective 
//------------------------------//

Princess Celestia Bean, Eternal Mare of the Morn, Sol Invicta and Viscountess of the West Weide, drew in a deep breath, then let it out in a small snort. While the visit to Trottingham had been quite pleasant—mostly thanks to her sunny husband and his cheerful demeanor—the train ride and flight to and from the far-off locale was always a bit taxing, and she was looking forward to returning to Canterlot, curling up in bed with her Bean, and then sleeping straight through Sunday. 

With a groan, Celestia leaned back in her chair and flared her wings out for a good stretch. A hoof automatically went to her stomach, and a small smile came as she gently caressed the small bump that was comfortably nestled there. 

“Just a few more hours, my little Nilla,” she whispered with a comforting coo. “Then we’ll be free of this train car and we can get some rest that’s actually restful.”

“Is everything okay, my love?”

Celestia smiled, and she blew a kiss to her beloved and concerned husband. “I’m fine, Bean. Just stretching my wings a little. Have you finished up with that report yet?”

“Almost. Still got a few subsections to get through,” he said. “I know I’ve already asked you a dozen times today, but I’m going to be obnoxious and ask again: are you sure you’re okay?” Bean’s gaze met hers directly, and he maintained the eye lock as he continued. “It seems like you’ve been growing more and more restless and antsy as the day has gone on.”

“I know,” Celestia said with a small huff. “I’m afraid I have no particular reason to be so ‘antsy,’ as you put it. I just… am.”

“Would it help if I went and made you something to eat?” he offered. “I could whip up something light to snack on.”

“I would like something to nibble, I think. I shall start with you!” Celestia pulled in her beloved husband with her magic, and the two of them giggled for a moment as she nipped his ear and nibbled his neck. “But when we get home, I would greatly appreciate it if you would make that double chocolate fudge pudding cake that you made last week. I’ve been craving it ever since then.”

“I dunno,” Bean said with a sly grin. “I think I need to start weaning you off all the sweets. It’s going to mess with your milk, to say nothing of your post-pregnancy figure. I need to get you used to eating for just one again.”

“Bean, if you try to withhold my desserts from me, I will personally build a jail on the moon and banish you to that,” Celestia said with a wink. “But for now, I think a light salad would be delightful.” 

“You wouldn't dare banish me,” he said with a bob of his eyebrows. “You go settle down, and I’ll go get a salad whipped up real quick,” said Bean. “I’ll also get some chamomile tea made, if you’d like.”

“Please. And hurry, or I may decide that Nightmare Moon was on to something and gobble up your backside!” Celestia threatened. 

Baked Bean yelped and tried to scamper away, but Celestia was still quick enough to get in one good nip of his rump before he escaped. She smiled and watched his flight to food for a moment, but then she drew in another long breath and a quick snort.

“Your Highness?” Banana Split asked. “At the risk of sounding like a broken record, are you sure you are well?”

“I am, but I appreciate your concern.” Celestia reassured with a small smile that didn’t feel completely sincere. “The last three days in Trottingham have been somewhat taxing, and I believe I fatigued more than anything. I just need some food and a little nap, and all will be well.”

The personal assistant didn’t look convinced, but she nodded. “If you say so, Your Highness.”

“How did you like Trottingham?” Celestia went on. “I hope you and Miss Trixie were able to find something enjoyable to occupy your time.”

“Oh, it was pleasant, Your Highness. I’m glad you invited me to come along; I’ve learned a lot about what I’ll need to do for and with Nilla while you’re in your summits and conclaves. Trixie also tried to show me her neverending kerchief trick, but I’m afraid she kept hog-tying herself, somehow.”

“At least you were there to free her.” Celestia giggled. “Would you mind helping Bean with the food and tea, and could you tell Miss Trixie I need the minutes from the most recent Hays and Wheats committee meeting? I have a few questions regarding their submissions.”

“Of course. I will be right back,” Banana Split replied. 

Celestia nodded, watched Mama Nana until she had left the passenger car, then turned to stare at the small bed of cushions in the center of their current accommodations. The unruly, feather-filled rablerousers were being rebellious, and even though she couldn’t articulate why the velvet bundles were irking her, she could do something about it. 

Her magic sprang to life, and the entire pile of cushions levitated into the air. Celestia tried sorting them by size, then by color, and then by thickness and if they had tassels or not. Those that failed to fit in with her attempt at organization were tossed into the far corner of the car, but after a minute of sorting and tossing, the Princess noticed that she liked how the discarded pile looked, overall. 

The rest of the cushions were promptly sent to join the others, and Celestia kicked off her golden shoes as she moved to the corner. She nudged a few so as to provide more padding along the edges and where she wanted her rump to be, and as she nudged and coaxed, her magic removed and set her peytral and tiara off to one side. 

After a few moments of thoughtful grunting and more nudging, Celestia liked what she saw, and she promptly plopped herself down in the middle of the pile. After a bit of wiggling to work out the lumpy spots, she ruffled her wings, flicked her tail to one side, and let out a snort of approval that most definitely was not a honk.

Even if it did sound like one.

But there was still something wrong. Celestia puckered her lips as she glanced at her surroundings, and she studied each item as intently as she would study the line items in Minister Penny Wise’s budget proposals, looking for anything that was amiss or out of place. 

Had Bean bumped the thermostat when he had left? The passenger car suddenly felt far too warm, and she let out another snort as sweat began to trickle down her flanks. She couldn’t quite make out what the temperature was set at from her vantage point, but it didn’t matter. With a bit more force than was probably necessary, the Princess twisted the dial to the lowest possible setting and placed a ward on it to make sure it stayed put.

Having taken care of that issue, Celestia again began to study the immediate area, and she quickly found another issue: it was far too bright. She wasn’t sure how it was happening, but somehow, it seemed like the sun had peeled back the top of the car like a griffon tearing into a sardine can, and then it had decided to be eleven times brighter than it should be.

The solution to the problem was simple enough. With no more than a casual flick of magic, Celestia yanked the rebellious sun out of the sky and shoved it behind the western horizon, where it would sit in time-out until it learned its lesson. 

Still, the Princess was not content. She twisted a bit more to work out a new lump that had decided to push up near her abdomen, flopped to her right, back to her left, and then laid on her back to spread her rear legs apart. 

“Why can’t I get comfortable?” Celestia grumbled. “This is ridiculous. I must have been sitting for too long. Now my back is starting to hurt.”

Celestia stretched herself out on the cushions, then contracted back to a normal resting position. There was some relief from the ache with the action, but after a few minutes, the pain came back, this time with more force and in a wave that started in her spine and wrapped all the way around her abdomen. 

The Official Royal Response to this development was a sharp inhale through clenched teeth and tight lips. Panic quickly followed, but Celestia forced herself to remain calm. “No,” she told herself. “These are not labor pains. I’m not due for another month. I’m just having some cramps, nothing more.”

“Celly?” Baked Bean’s voice provided another soothing layer as he hastily entered the car. He quickly put a tea set and a large salad bowl on the nearby table, then rushed to her side. “What’s going on? The sun just went down, but it’s only three in the afternoon. What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Celestia said, her breaths growing more rapid by the second. “Bean, I think… I might be going into labor.”

“What? No! You’re not due yet!” Bean said, and he put a hoof on her side. “You’ve got to be cramping or something.”

“Prince Bean?” Banana Split had appeared out of nowhere, and with a quick flick of her hoof, Celestia’s long, sparkling tail was bound up in a bun with an elastic. “Your wife is going into labor.”

“What? Wait! No! She can’t be!”

“Okay, Celestia. Breathe,” Banana Split ordered. “Deep breaths. You need to trust me on this. Nilla is coming. Now.”

“Who’s coming?” Trixie asked as she casually entered, her focus on her clipboard and a small stack of papers in her magic. “I have those minutes you wanted, and… ugh!” Trixie exclaimed, and her magic dropped everything she was holding. “What did Trixie just step in? Eww. Somepony spilled water right here. A pitcher of water, it looks like. Trixie will go get a mop and some rags, and…” the showmare’s gaze moved from the mess on her foreleg to the chaos that was unfolding right in front of her. “Um, does Trixie want to know what is going on?”

A furious scream tore out of Celestia’s throat with the next contraction, and despite the burning urge to hyperventilate, she forced herself to follow Banana Split’s advice. “Augh! She’s coming! It’s too soon! Why is she coming now?!”

“Questions later,” Banana Split ordered. “Pushing now!”

“No, no, nononono!” Trixie’s legs were a blur of motion until her rump hit the wall behind her. “Trixie does not do births! Trixie most definitely does not do births!” 

“Then get out of here and do something useful!” Banana Split shouted. “Go tell the Guard to get the tracks cleared so we can get to Canterlot as quickly as possible, and then get as much hot water as you possibly can from the dining car! We’re going to need it!”

Trixie needed no further excuse to make herself scarce, and as she hastily departed, Baked Bean grabbed a linen napkin from the tea set and began to dab away the sweat on his wife’s forehead.

The next furious contraction hit Celestia, and her husband was shot across the car by the force of her feral scream, amplified by the Royal Canterlot Voice. “Gah! Horsenpfeffer, you severely understated how painful this would be!”

“Don’t we have any pain killers for her?” Bean asked. “And me,” he added in a low voice and with a wince as he limped back to Celestia’s side.

“I don’t have anything that will touch contractions,” said Banana Split as she grabbed the emergency first aid kit and tore into the contents. “I’m sorry, Your Highness, but you’re going to have to force your way through this one. Bean, get a kerchief or some rags or anything like that and soak it in cold water. Wipe her down and keep her cool.”

“Water. Right.” Baked Bean disappeared, but another stab of unrestrained agony kept Celestia occupied.

“You’re doing just fine, Celestia,” Banana Split offered as she donned a pair of gloves and moved into position to catch the newborn. “I’ve dealt with plenty of early births before. Just keep taking deep breaths, and whenever you feel a contraction, push. The sooner we get Nilla out, the better.”

Celestia nodded weakly, and she tried to breathe like she had been instructed, but it wasn’t easy to keep from hyperventilating. Her precious Epiphany was making her grand appearance far earlier than Celestia had expected, and her mind began to churn with desperate thoughts. Why was this happening? Would Banana Split be able to handle everything by herself? Was Bean going to pass out on them during this ordeal?

Will my precious daughter survive?

Another labor pain tore her thoughts away, and with another screech, her magic surged out and punched a hole in the side of the train car. The Princess managed to regain control of herself once the agony lessened slightly, but it wasn’t going to take much to overwhelm her again.

“I got towels!” Bean reappeared, and Celestia moaned as a cool touch sizzled against her forehead. “Just keep pushing, Celly. I’m here.”

“What have you done to me?” she huffed, and her eyes rolled back in her head. “By my sun and Luna’s stars, this is intolerable!”

“You can incinerate me later,” Bean said, and he wiped away the foam that was building in the corner of her mouth. “Focus on Nilla now.”

“We are never going to have another foal!” Celestia’s guttural roar rattled the walls as a fresh contraction felt like it was tearing her in half. “I am going to have you castrated when we get back to Canterlot, do you hear me? Augh!”

“Trixie has the hot water!” Trixie announced as she burst back into the car, her gaze firmly on the roof. “Trixie will just put this here, and—are those hooves?” she screeched.

“Bean!” Banana Split shouted over the cacophony as Celestia’s magic lashed out once more and created a new skylight. “Get over here and help me! Trixie, take over for Bean! Keep those cold rags on her head and neck!”

The orders were swiftly followed, but Bean’s gasp of alarm did not help Celestia’s current mood. “What is going on down there?” she demanded in a voice that would tame lightning and subdue thunder all at the same time.

“She’s breech!” said Bean. “Her rear hooves are coming out first!”

“We need to get her turned around. Grab here, and here,” Banana Split ordered. “Celestia, I need you to stop pushing so we can fix this.”

“What?!” she bellowed. “How am I supposed to stop?!”

“Fight back against it!” Banana Split ordered. “Do whatever it takes, but Do! Not! Push! until I tell you to! Bean, grab those salad spoons. We’re going to have to improvise.”

The Grand Princess of Equestria wasn’t sure she could endure this much longer. Every new contraction felt ten times stronger and twenty times more painful than the last, and Trixie’s yelps and whines were not helping. The thick sweat clinging to her coat was crushing her burning lungs, and she was sure the tip of her mane was beginning to smoke and smolder. Every last ounce of her screamed for her to push, to expel the small life that was trying to come so the unequaled agony would stop, but with each demand, she rejected and pulled back.

“I AM THE MASTER OF PAIN!” she bellowed through another contraction. “I have conquered continents, leveled cities and brought down brimstone and ruin upon all those who would dare to oppose my Kingdom and hurt my little ponies! I AM CELESTIA BEAN, THE BRINGER OF THE DAY! I WILL PREVAIL!”

“Move that… no, over there,” Banana Split ordered to Bean, and in the all-too-short lull in her contractions when the pain abetted by a hair, Celestia felt some odd twisting and tugging sensations. “Good, hold it. C’mon, you defiant little thing. Turn around. This one is going to be tricky. Just a bit… there! Celestia, push with everything you’ve got!”

The gates burst open, and Celestia poured everything she had into getting her daughter out. Somehow, she could feel the small foal moving, and after some encouragement for “one more really big push!” from Banana Split, Celestia let out a reverberating shout of relief as the pressure and the pain finally dissipated.

Celestia’s breaths came in short, ragged bursts, but her ears flicked and twitched in a frantic search for her newborn’s cry. She desperately wanted to lift her head, to see Epiphany and to know that she was fine, but the princess could barely find the strength to choke out a few words. “Bean?” she moaned. “Is Nilla okay? What’s wrong? Why isn’t she crying?”

“Quick, take that,” Banana Split said. “Hold on.”

“Bean!” Celestia begged in a weak and tired voice. “Please?”

Celestia’s breathing stopped, and her heart was not far behind. The long, silent moments felt like hours, and tears began to flow as the new mother began to feel that the worst had happened.

Had it really all been for naught? After all of the anxieties when Bean had been abducted, and the sleepless nights, and the mood swings, and the nausea, and—

All of her desperate thoughts were suddenly incinerated when a small cry rang out in the car. Celestia gasped, sobbed, then gagged on the tears, but her heart nearly lept out of her chest with an unbounded joy that she’d never felt before.

Epiphany was alive! The sun leapt into the sky in joy with the glorious revelation, and as the brilliant light poured into their ventilated train car, the newest member of the royal family began to scream with a purpose, as if she too was declaring to the world that she would not be defeated so easily. 

“That’s more like it!” Banana Split cheered. “Let it out!”

“She’s breathing!” Celestia breathlessly whispered. “She’s going to be okay! I want to see her! Where is she?”

“Wait. How am I supposed to clean…” Bean began to ask somewhere behind her, but then he trailed off. “No. You can’t be serious.”

“Parental bonding,” Banana Split replied tersely while obviously busy with another task. “And you really don’t want to keep a new mother waiting, trust me.”

“Bean?” Celestia weakly asked.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Bean muttered. Somehow, Celestia found just enough energy to lift her head off the cushions by a few inches, but when her eyes locked onto her husband and her beautifully yellow newborn foal, a deep smile overtook her face.

Baked Bean, despite his obvious disgust, was licking his daughter clean of the amniotic fluids that she had been born in. 

“What does it taste like, Bean?” she said with a chuckle that had no energy in it, and her head dropped back to the cushions. “I bet it tastes like cauliflower.”

“I wish,” he said with a gag. “There’s nothing that is even—ugh!—remotely similar to this,” he said.

“Rest, Your Highness,” Banana Split said in a soft but firm tone. “You still need to expel the placenta, so you’re going to feel a few more contractions. It won’t be as bad as the others, though. And congratulations.”

“Trixie?” Celestia found just enough strength to look the secretary in the eye.

“You owe Trixie,” Trixie simply replied. 

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Your Highness, but can we please not make a habit of this?”

Celestia laughed, and Trixie pressed another cold rag to her neck. “Yes, Miss Lulamoon. We’ll avoid doing this in the future.”

“Celly?” Bean’s warbling voice tickled her ear, and her breathing stilled as he moved up beside her, a small bundle of cloths in his hooves. “There’s somepony here you should meet.”

“Oh, Bean!” Celestia said, and she pulled her daughter into her embrace with tender and slightly trembling hooves. “Look at her! My little sunshine, the same yellow as her father. She's so tiny!”

"Tiny?" Banana Split cut in. "That's got to be the biggest foal I've ever delivered!"

Bean started to say something, but a series of violent dry heaves overtook him before he could speak. In a flash, the new father bolted out of what remained of the train car, but it was impossible to miss his retching before the door completely shut.

“Hello, my little Nilla,” Celestia whispered. “My darling little sunflower. I see you already have your father’s curiosity in you, since you just couldn’t wait to be born! There was just far too much you wanted to see, isn’t there?” Celestia gently licked Nilla’s cheek, and she took a long moment to pull in the foal’s scent. A pair of tiny hooves managed to wiggle loose as the Princess sniffed, and the new mother choked on another sob when those hooves found, then clamped onto her nose.

“Yes! That’s me!” Celestia said between licks. “Mommy’s right here. Can I see your eyes? Open them wide for me.”

Epiphany whimpered and grunted, and her eyes slowly fluttered open. She went cross-eyed for a moment in an apparent effort to figure out how to get her vision to work properly, but then her brilliantly magenta eyes slowly moved up and met Celestia’s own.

“Look at those beautiful, bright eyes!” Celestia cooed. “Bean was right. You’re going to drive all the stallions wild. But what is this? Do I see a little horn in your mane?”

The cloth around Epiphany’s head was gently pulled back, and Celestia couldn’t hold back her cheer of delight. While she would have loved her daughter no matter what, she was secretly pleased beyond words to find that her daughter was a unicorn. The stubby yellow nub was almost completely covered by a mess of earth-brown mane, but it was there, and Celestia gently moved more of the swaddling to check for wings.

She swiftly replaced them when Epiphany began to fuss and shiver, but she tried to take another quick glance before pulling her daughter in to share in her warmth. She had not seen a pair of wings, but the glimpse had been so brief that it could not be conclusive.

Either way, she was here. Alive, and breathing, and so precious that Celestia thought her heart might burst.

It was a feeling that could never be truly matched by anything else. The Grand Princess of Equestria had overseen the lives of countless ponies over her lengthy life, and had learned from hard experience the value of such. She had kissed innumerable foals, and the joy she had felt when Twilight Starbright had been born to Luna had been both singular and was held in fond remembrance.

But now, Celestia held a new life in her trembling embrace. Life she had created along with her husband, grown in her body for endless months, and now was facing the world alongside them as a family. After a millennia of watching over the lives of others, Celestia found that this one little pony—her little pony—was all hers, and that thought filled her with a joy unlike any she’d ever felt before. 

“Ugh!” Bean groaned as he reentered the car. “I can’t believe I actually started to appreciate that taste. I gotta get that thought out of my head, or I’m going to heave all over again.”

“Bean!” Celestia stopped licking and motioned for him to come closer with a toss of her head. “She’s just so precious! I apologize for everything I said. This little one was worth all of that pain and then some. Isn’t she just perfect?”

“He, actually,” Bean said. “Celestia, meet your newborn son.”

This statement confused Celestia, and she shared that confusion in her expression with a quick glance to Bean. She pulled away the cloth with what little magic she could conjure, but it only took a moment to confirm what her husband had said. 

So many notions had built up in her head over the last several months that the idea refused to conform to the reality of the situation. Epiphany was a filly. This pony was quite obviously a colt. Nopony had slipped into the somewhat extremely well-ventilated train car while she had been distracted, and the yellow coat of the infant was licked down by both father and mother in an ageless sign of parenthood.

But after two additional checks and some serious mental reconfiguration, reality settled in around her like a square peg into a matching hole. 

Princess Celestia Bean, Eternal Mare of the Morn, had just given birth to a baby boy. 

“She isn’t a…” the princess started, stopped, but then smiled deeply. “So much for my intuition. Hello, my son.”

“Looks like we’re going to have to repaint the nursery,” Bean said as he laid down next to his wife and child. 

“And return those hair bows, even if they are adorable,” Celestia added. “But that doesn’t matter. Boy or girl, my child is finally here, and I love him all the same. This just means we’ll need to try again, so our little Apollo will have a sister.”

“Apollo?” Bean asked. 

“Yes, after my father. It's a bit unconventional, perhaps, but I think it’s a strong name, a princely name. Do you not like it?”

Bean bobbed his head slightly from side to side as he thought the name over. “Hmm. Apollo Cocoa Bean. Pollie for short.”

The new father dipped his head to his son, and he chuckled as the tiny hooves clamped on to his nose now. “I like it. However, I get the feeling he might be hungry,” Bean went on as Apollo tried to suckle on his nose, then cry when nothing was forthcoming.

“Come here, Pollie. Let’s get you taken care of,” Celestia cooed, and she gave Baked Bean a kiss. “You did good, Dad.”

“So did you, Mommy,” Bean replied with a smile that faltered when he licked his lips and quite obviously considered just exactly was on the kiss they had just shared. Thankfully, he did not bolt again, but remained by her side as his son… their son settled against Celestia’s nether regions and began to nurse. 

“Mommy,” Celestia hummed. “I rather like how that sounds.”


 * *  ✹ * * 


“Boy, I’m glad everything turned out okay for Celestia,” Spike said, but his steps slowed for a moment as Twilight Sparkle pushed open the main doors to the Castle of Friendship. 

“Doctor Horsenpfeffer will still need to keep an eye on Apollo for a while, since he was born prematurely,” Twilight said. “But I’m sure he’ll be just fine, too. I’m grateful they decided to take Banana Split with them! I hate to think of what might have happened if she had stayed behind.”

“Bit of a shock that Princess Celestia’s foal ended up being a he,” said Spike. “We’ve spent the last ten months thinking and saying that he was a she. It’s going to take me some time to stop calling him a her.”

“Me too,” Twilight said with a giggle. “Along with everypony else in Equestria. Still, out of all the surprises Apollo sprung on us, the fact that he is a he isn’t so bad.”

Spike nodded, but then he tapped his chin in thought as they rounded the last corner to the cutie mark map room. “So, with all of that going on, did anypony show up to your lecture about the Cutie Mark Crusaders?”

“Actually, yes. Once everypony was assured that the Princess and her foal were back in Canterlot and under Horsenpfeffer’s direct care, I was able to continue with my presentation. But the strangest thing happened towards the end of it.”

“Really? What?” asked Spike. 

“Well, for a minute, I thought I saw Starlight Glimmer in the audience,” Twilight confessed.

“Starlight?” Spike asked. “Why would she be there?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she came back for revenge, if it really even was her. It was hard to see, since the house lights were dimmed, but it almost looked like she was smirking. But when I glanced away, she disappeared. I asked a few ponies if they had seen where she went, but nopony even knew she was there.”

“Ah, I bet you were just seeing things,” Spike said with a scoff. “That sounds way more plausible than Starlight Glimmer coming back for revenge.”

“Well, when you put it that way,” Twilight said with a giggle, her magic pushing the doors to the cutie mark map room open, “it does sound rather silly.”

“Or it’s totally true!” Spike exclaimed.

It took Twilight a moment to register what Spike had said, but as soon as she did, her gaze moved into the vast throne room, and she gasped when she saw who was sitting in Fluttershy's chair.

 “Welcome home, Twilight,” Starlight Glimmer said with devious glee.


 * *  ✹ FIN?  ✹ * *