Some people say that I'm a negative person.
I trudged into my small home, and sighed loudly. The tacky spotted tie I wore daily was hanging loosely around my neck and my work suit was half unbuttoned, draped sloppily over my shoulders. My eyes bloodshot, my head pounding, my feet aching with every step it took to reach my little love seat in the middle of the living room. An onlooker would think I was a homeless man breaking into the small home I found myself in. In truth, after a day like that, all I wanted to do was get as drunk as I could in the next three hours and pass out on the floor.
I collapsed onto the deflated cushions of the couch, and lost all will to move from my spot. I figured the walk to the kitchen would be too much effort for the small amount of alcohol I would be able to bring back with me. Instead, a loud sigh erupted from deep within my bowels. I decided to turn on the TV for lack of anything better to do. Loud obnoxious music rang throughout the room as a large bubblegum logo painted the walls of my den a shade of bright pink.
At that very moment the awkwardly designed remote control made a daring escape from my clutches, leaping across the room and finding a home under the recliner in the far corner. Satan's fire erupted within my brain, but only made physical presence with a loud chain of swearing. I wanted nothing more than to stay motionless and not have to worry about anything for the next five minutes. I let the remote live. I decided that whatever was on the TV was better than having to stand and retrieve the item.
Funny, I don't remember leaving the TV on the Hub last time I watched TV. It was probably one of my dumbass friends that had decided to raid my house while I was at work, and decided to watch a little tube while they were here to add insult to injury. On the screen was a commercial for some sort of marathon. Images of loud colorful horses lit up the pixels on my tiny flat-screen. I grit my teeth together, causing a spike of migraine to shoot through my skull. It just so happened that I had tuned into an all day marathon of My Little Pony on the Hub.
I wouldn't consider myself a brony, although every single one of my friends was totally in lesbians with the girly programming. I decided it was something in my college life that I would just have to live through. Luckily nobody was going to be coming around anytime soon. I wouldn't be caught dead watching this show.
The commercial break had ended and the episode had started with the obnoxious opening sequence that I loved oh so much. I would never ever tell my friends about what happened that night a few weeks ago. That night that I would try to forget. Let's just say, the Back to the Future series was ruined forever for me.
Feeling a fraction of my energy return, I decided now would be a good time to head into the kitchen and open the gateway to my inebriation. As I stood to begin making my way, the universe decided it had other plans for me.
I was flown into the wall as a blast of blinding light flashed in the middle of my living room. Stunned and confused, I tried to regain my composition, and my ability to focus both eyes on one object. Heat poured over my body from the source of the portal that had the gall to intrude upon my abode. As my vision cleared, I saw that the couch I had been sitting on was up in flames along with the surrounding carpet. My eyes couldn't help but drift away from this oddity because an even more peculiar one decided to steal the admiration of my optical receptors.
Standing in the middle of my house was an extremely well animated creature of equine nature. A mount of such blinding splendor, with a coat of white. A noble steed of beauty and grace.
There was a horse in the middle of my living room.
I stood taller than me, but only by a few inches. Flowing from its neck was a blue mane that appeared to be blowing in a non-present wind. It had the sun branded on its side. The horse was bathed in the orange light emanating from the raging inferno that used to be my couch.
The mare turned to me and gave me what seemed like the horse version of a smile. I cringed in my spot as she took a step forward.
"Please don't kill me!"
She chuckled softly and pulled a scroll out of nowhere. Levitating it in front of her face, she cleared her throat. I was beyond scared and to the point of losing bodily fluids from every orifice in my body. Loud ringing filled the room as my ghetto fire alarm decided to actually care about the smoke that was filling the top part of the living room. The pony's horn glowed brightly for a split second, and the fire and smoke were suddenly gone, leaving a tarnished carpet and an all but completely destroyed loveseat in its wake.
She began to speak, "Dear sir or madame, it has come to my attention that you have been unkind to pony visitors in your home on the day of June the 31st. My beloved student, Twilight Sparkle, sought only to learn from the experience of watching a cinema in your home. For treating them unkind, your punishment shall be to watch one movie every Friday of every week with my student and her friends. If you should deny them their movie watching, you will face my wrath."
She focused her eyes directly on me.
"Have fun, but not too much fun. They should be here tomorrow." She turned to look at the TV that was still miraculously running, and saw herself in miniature on the screen, talking to six smaller ponies that I knew all too well from that night that felt so long ago. That night that I was doomed to repeat. Every Friday.
She laughed and, with a flash of her horn, disappeared from sight, leaving a ring of fire in the carpet for her grand finale.
I rose to my feet and braced against the wall, gasping for breath. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed the twelve pack of beer from my fridge. I walked over to my Bar-B-Couch and took a seat on the floor directly in front of it.
I grabbed the remote from across the room, and turned off the TV. Taking a sip from a fresh cold one, I inhaled deeply the aroma of burnt polyester and hops.
"Ponies suck..."