My mind felt completely infested, each day making it become a little bit more so.
I couldn’t tell what it was being infested with, however, being unable to figure out whether I as Alex or I as Sombra was the illegitimate one. I felt like a human. I felt like me. I knew I wasn’t supposed to be a pony and never was a pony before this, especially not Sombra, however, I couldn't help but feel the emotion I had for Radiant Hope start to build, as well as the anger I held at those of the Crystal Empire for wronging me. It frustrated and angered me to no end to have no idea who I was, hating the fact that I was cursed by these ponies with being this way.
I growled as I awoke, which I found myself doing more often, and couldn’t help but bare my teeth at the sight of Radiant Hope laying sleeping next to me. She was the one who made me feel the most conflicted. Even if she was my friend since childhood, I still couldn’t help but hate her and blame her for this. It wasn’t as bad as the hate I held for Cadance and Celestia and that witch Amore, but it was there, and it hurt because I knew I loved her. I couldn’t help the feeling that I loved her, and just that fact made the anger I held at her worse.
I quietly made my way out of bed, being careful to not wake Hope up as I moved up to the window, the sun still lowered, waiting for Luna to raise it. It was one of the things she wouldn’t give up, wouldn’t budge on at all. But I figured that was fair, seeing as she even gave in to letting me have the throne. Of course, I’m sure in her mind she saw me as her equal, or even her lesser. I knew the ponies of Equestria thought as much, seeing as most of them opted to visit Princess Luna in the Night Court over me, many adjusting their schedules just to avoid meeting with me. I knew, however, that eventually it would have to stop, ponies meeting Luna in the Night Court. These ponies would come to know me as their ruler. I would make them know. But for now, I allowed it. This was still a transition period, and I knew that they still needed time to get used to my rule. But eventually, they would know that I was their ruler.
It wasn’t long before I came upon the Princess of the Night, a long line of ponies standing in front of her, waiting to make their requests. They looked at me nervously as I entered, but not as fearfully as before, seeing as I no longer wore the red cape and armor I used to be known for, not to mention they’d seen me regularly over the last ten months, and they had their precious princess to protect them should I do something. Luna herself turned to me turned to look at me as well, giving me the same flat expression she always did, the same one she had when I first saw her in real life, before dismissing my subjects from the throne room, taking a few moments to let them vacate before speaking to me.
“I have said it before,” she started, “but your appearance has been getting subtly better every day.”
“That’s interesting,” I responded as I stepped over to her, “because I feel as though I’ve been unchanged for months now, if not worse.”
“Has your slumber remained dreamless?” she asked. “I’ve not had time to take a look at your sleep for a long while.”
“No, no dreams from me,” I sighed. “But I’m not concerned about that right now. The only thing I care about today is Cadance.”
“Today is that day, isn’t it? ”Princess Luna sighed along with me. “So much has happened at her hoof…”
“I’m ready to get it over with. I honestly want to do it right away, just wake her up and bring her before us if I can…”
“I as well,” she commented, “however it would be best for us if we stuck to the time we’ve previously scheduled for her, seven o’clock. It would give me time to rest for her appearance. Although you know I must ask if you’re certain it should be held publicly.”
“I am absolutely one hundred percent certain,” I answered quickly, my face contorting back into a scowl, my voice raising. “She needs to know that what she’s done to me is killing me. I want her to be ashamed of herself, with all of Equestria there to bear witness to her conviction. She will know the pain I’m subjected to because of her!”
“I understand, but please save that anger for her. I’m certain that you would like to have more citizens seeing you in the Day Court for their problems, and letting that harshness leak out will not help you. While on the subject, though, I must ask when you plan on searching for Princess Amo-”
“Never,” I interrupted. “I’m never gathering her pieces. She’s receiving what she deserves for making me suffer.”
She gave me a weird stare for a second, before commenting, “I truly think you’d benefit from forgiveness. You having forgiveness on them, I mean. I understand why you would not-”
“Don’t tell me you understand,” I told her darkly. “You don’t understand this at all.”
“I can see,” she started again, frowning as she corrected herself, “why you wouldn’t want to have forgiveness on them, but holding in all this rage is exactly what my sister did, as well as Cadance from the short conversation I had with her. I even explicitly told Celestia as much, but she opted to ignore my advice. Yes, it’s unfortunate what you’ve suffered, but you’re only making yourself unhappy by continuing to hold on to all that anger. I don’t need to ask you to trust me on what I say; you’ve already seen what that anger does when it takes hold of somepony.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I responded dismissively as I finally started to move past her to the seat of the throne.
“Please do,” she said as she herself started to walk on her way as well, yawning as she did so. “I only speak from experience when I say that holding anger in your heart will destroy you.”