Number Sixteen pulled a card and read aloud, “Suppose you weren’t to see your partner again, and you could look back from a distance and think about your relationship. What would you miss?”
Spoiled Rich gave a low hum. “You mean apart from the fortune he has?”
“If you like.”
Letting out a breath she told the machine. “Between you and me, I don’t know if I would remember anything specific that I would miss from him. There’s only so much statistic, budgets, buying versus selling talk that one could handle.” Seeing the robot had a raised eyebrow she added, “Well it’s not that I just walked into this blindly. I had an idea what I was getting into.”
“Such as?”
“Well, back then we were young and good looking. Besides being wealthy from his family business, he took ponies seriously at face value. That and I remember him being generous with his money. In fact, shortly after we started dating, I found out my father was being sued due to some plastic surgery he did, and we were short by thousands to pay for a lawyer. And would you know it… he helped cover it. You have to understand that at the time, things weren’t going well with my family – whatever money we had was depleting and our fortune was on the edge of collapse. As much as this is a dog-eat-dog world, Filthy was there that always saved the day.”
“I take it that he was reliable?”
She nodded, “At the start, yes. You know, I’ve dated stallions in the past, and I could tell right away just like that in how disingenuous they were. Yes, they may try to butter me up with their honied words, take me out to fine dining restaurants and a few balls – but most of them were either frauds, dull or outright ignored me most of the time… sometimes all the above. But then came Filthy and… It was the first time I came across someone who was a gentlecolt. And I mean, a real gentlecolt. During our dating, he never lied or tried to worship the ground I walked on. Yes, he was wealthy with some aristocratic tendencies, but compared to the line of disappointments… he was a breath of fresh air.” Sixteen chuckled at this. Spoiled raised an eyebrow, “What are you laughing about?”
“I’m not laughing, I just find it amusing that the husband you’re getting a divorce from that you’re getting nostalgic over him already.”
Spoiled narrowed her eyes, “And what are you implying? That just because I missed the better parts of our earlier relationship of something so long ago that I’m just gonna stick around?”
“Oh, not at all ma’am. Yet, at the same time, there is something to be… aware of in the future when you do look back at your marriage.”
“Such as?”
“Well… it’s a tragic-comic quark in psychology – something that I find fascinating among you living beings. But judging by the confusion on your face, perhaps I should elaborate?”
“Yes, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Alright. Imagine if you will that after a good amount of thinking and agony on your part – you’ve decided to break the relationship once and for all. You’re on your own – only to find that it’s a little harder than you thought it would be. Maybe you’re not going on as many dates as you’d like. Perhaps there’s something that has broken down in your home. Or maybe paying the bills proves to be a lot more complicated than you thought it was. Now, in those kinds of moments of isolation, you drift into daydreams, returning to those lovely memories when you weren’t feeling like this. Perhaps thinking back to those lovely early dates, the honeymoon by the sea, going furniture shopping, or having that bowl of soup on a winter’s day. I could go on, but with these thoughts, you’ll feel weepy and tender to the point of believing that you’ve made a serious mistake. So much so, that you’ll be tempted to get in contact with your Ex in hopes he’ll let you back or at minimum give you a hearing.”
Spoiled rolled her eyes, “Now that is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. What sensible pony would ever think that?”
“Oh, it’s more common than you think. This idea that the past was better and problem-free when for no reason it changed into something far worse has been around for centuries. During the industrial revolution where villages gave way to enormous cities, where farming gave way to the factory, and the worship of deities gave way to the news and art, there have been those who try to come up with a better way of living. In their search to make sense of the confusion, a small but influential group turned towards the past of the Mareval Ages. They romanticize it through art as a time where the handsome if uneducated serfs were happy. That village life was cheerful during their harvest celebrations. That lords and ladies were kind to the poor. It was a time without violence, hostility, fear, or cruelty. Where no one minded of not having things like… clean water or heating. That one was glad to be on a diet of oats, beer, and the occasional piece of lard. Things were so much simpler back then in those tinny thatched cottages and stone monasteries. Life back then seemed so much better.”
“But that’s clearly a myth,” Spoiled said. “I don’t know much about history, but even I know that life back then was brutal, short, and filthy.”
“Exactly,” Sixteen nodded. “But at the beating heart of this attitude is the dismissal of why things ever had to change at all. And more importantly, why they needed to. The nostalgic could imagine how things just became different for no apparent reason. Making what’s going on in the present accidental and have no complicated reasons for it.
“So, what does this have to do with relationships? In most cases, this thinking follows the same way.”
“What? That after a breakup that ponies magically forget why they did so in the first place?”
“It sounds ridiculous, but again, it’s a lot more common than you think. That sometimes after separation, there’s the thinking that they’ve grown to be ungrateful or forgotten about the other’s good side through some kind of error. They would like to imagine that they were creatures who were simple hand had simple tastes that satisfy them when one day – they weren’t anymore. By placing so much on those satisfactory moments of the past, one would be giving their past selves with too little insight. In truth, those that do separate did so knowing all the reasons to depart when they were facing it head-on.”
“But why would anyone forget that they were in a bad relationship to be wanting to go back to it?”
“You want to know the funny thing about a living brain? Is that it’s a squeamish thing. It doesn’t take anything too challenging or uncomfortable unless it’s in danger. After all, given all the horrible, annoying, and disappointing things that happen daily, would you want to remember each and everyone.”
“Well… no.”
“The same way with memory. Of course, you know how much your husband frustrates you now, but once you’re divorced and on your own, those reasons will be edited out one by one until the point you can’t remember why you’ve separated at all.”
“So you’re saying that I’ll be caught in an endless cycle of falling in and out of love?”
Sixteen shook its head. “The way I see it, a rule of hoof comes out – we must trust our decision to separate we made back then. If you were honesty happy and there was nothing wrong – then why would you want to change it? Besides, nostalgia would tell you that you were happier with the simpler things in life when in reality you’re always someone who’s complicated. If anything, returning to the past wouldn’t solve anything; but remind you why you let go in the first place. Now that doesn’t mean that nothing good ever came out of the relationship, but when you decided to leave so you could have that necessary change – always trust that you did so for a very good reason.”
Spoiled nodded, “You know, in some strange way that makes sense… to a point.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s imagine that it’s been some time that we’ve gotten divorced, and eventually I may want to get back into the dating pool again. Now let’s say you’re right that I might for whatever reason be nostalgic for my Exe, how do you get over someone to find someone better?”
“Ah!” Sixteen happily clapped his hooves while turning a bright shade of yellow. “Great question. Have you ever read the novel: ‘The Sorrow of Young Werther,’ by Goethe?”
“No. But Discord had mentioned it at the start of this whole thing. Said it was responsible for all this romanticism stuff.”
“But do you know what the story of it is?”
Spoiled shook her head.
“In a nutshell, the main character, Werther, who was a passionate young student falls deeply in love with a beautiful, charming noble mare named Charlotte. Now Charlotte likes Werther alright but doesn’t love him back since she’s already married to someone else. Of course, the book does mention other mares who are nice, single, attracted, and interested in our hero. But he is so dead-set with Charlotte that he never has time for any of them. He pines for her in hopes that she would love him back – but never does. At the end of the book, with Werther so unsuccessful in getting that love he longed for – decided to kill himself.”
The look on Spoiled’s face was part shocked and part disgusted, “That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard.”
“But when it was published, it remained popular for a long time. Even Neighpoleon loved the book so much that he read it dozens of times. Back then, readers found the novel charming, they praised it for its deep and pure understanding of love. However, it should be noted that audiences had missed the point of the story completely.”
“In what way?”
Sixteen changed white before answering, “For me, what I think the book was trying to do is to illustrate the danger of this unrequited love. I think what Goethe was trying to say with the story, is that being blind to this sort of love where there’s no chance of getting a tiny portion back is – in truth – a clever way of guaranteeing we won’t end up in a relationship at all.”
“Wait, back up…” Spoiled interjected, rubbing the side of her head, “You’re not making any sense.”
“In what way?”
“How… How can you say that wanting the love of someone that doesn’t love you back at all, or any more for that matter, is a way not to be in a relationship?”
“Because by doing so, one won’t need to suffer the realities of love. Pining the love of say… your soon-to-be-ex-husband, when you know he has no love for you anymore, will just put you into a fantasy. Sure, having this fixation of the other that’s absent in your life may seem like you’re dedicated to love publicly, but if one were honest, privately it’s just a way to protect you from the downsides of being in a relationship that just wouldn’t work out. As to why, well… there are many reasons for this. Perhaps a squeamishness around hope. Or maybe a self-hatred which makes anyone else’s love feel eerie. Then again, it could be a fear of a self-revelation of an uncomfortable truth, which just brings about a reluctance to let anyone know the secret parts of you.”
Spoiled folded her forelegs, “It sounds like having any of these is stupid.”
“On the contrary, these fears should be taken seriously, and deserve sympathy. However, these tricky truths rarely come up with the hopeless romantic, especially when they fixate on someone. They would rather have their focus be on the unresponsive ex than hold up a mirror to take a good long look at what’s driving them to do this. Whatever it is to distract themselves from something unfairly taboo.”
“So, with all that in mind,” Spoiled leaned back in her seat, “how do I avoid all of that and maybe avoid making the same mistake I did with Filthy?”
“Honestly? Telling yourself that you never liked whoever isn’t the way to do it. Rather, you may want to seriously consider the specifics about what the attraction was based on. To look into the qualities, you had admired in your ex. Make a list if you like. But once you do, then you must take a step back and ask yourself an important question.”
“Which is…?”
“Do others have these same qualities I like from my ex but little of the drawbacks? In doing so, you may come to an important conclusion; it is as paradoxical as it is liberating. That you could, in fact, love someone else. It’s not a way of giving up on what you really want and need, mind you. But this redeeming method is to get you to see that what you want has to exist in places beyond the painful experiences of your ex that you’ve identified their good sides with. Chances are, you may recognize that being disappointed and abandoned has a pleasant side-effect to give you perspective. Emotionally, being in such a state is a safe place to be in.
“However, do remember that being true to love isn’t about pinning yourself down to a figure that’ll always be absent. Rather, I hope, to give you the encouragement to do something difficult: finding someone who is available and thinks, despite whatever background you have that proves otherwise, are honestly nice to be with.”
“Huh…” Spoiled put a hoof to her chin. “That’s actually not a bad idea. It makes me wish I had this before I got married.”
“But it’s not too late,” Sixteen pointed out, turning gray. “Yes, you have made a mistake, but what good are mistakes if you don’t learn from them? For some, one has to go through a bad Ex or two to realize what they want and need from a relationship.”
“Yes, that…” Spoiled trailed off as a thought came to her. “What did you say?”
“That you have made mistakes?”
“No, after that, that comment about Ex’s.”
“Oh, I said: For some, one has to go through a bad Ex or two to realize what they want and need from a relationship.”
Spoiled looked thoughtful, and Sixteen asked if something was wrong. “No. I think you just pointed out something that I have been thinking about for about a week now.”
“Helpful, I hope?”
“Very,” Spoiled stood up from her seat and walked out of the door.
Back into the hallway where all the other students were. Looking around, Spoiled realized that she must have been in that room longer than she thought. For she must have been the last one to exit Discord’s bizarre classroom.
She waited. Spoiled didn’t hear the lively talk about the other student’s experiences with this class. How they say that they’ve learned more about love in a week than they would have over years. She didn’t hear how insightful some of these lessons were. No, she had a burning question that had started to come together ever since she agreed to take the class. An important one to their instructor, but up until now she didn’t know how to form her inquiry.
Then, without warning, the hallway gave way to a stage, and they suddenly found themselves in bright red graduation gowns, complete with hats that, instead of a black square, there were heart-shaped with a gold tassel hanging off from it. In the midst of this unexpected confusion, Discord stepped onto the stage with a spotlight overhead, walking up to a podium.
“Class of Philosophy of Love 101,” he said, “I know this has been a tough week to get through. But I’m more than pleased to announce that after looking through your grades… all of you have passed with flying colors!” Discord threw his arms in the air, and out of the sleeves, the aurora borealis came shooting out. “I’m not gonna lie, this was a tough one to get through, and I’m not just talking about the author! So, come on down students! Time to get your-”
“Wait a minute!” Spoiled objected. “I have a question.”
Discord blinked. “Really? Now?”
“Yes, now. I have something to ask of you that’s been bothering me this whole week.”
“Spoiled,” Filthy tried to reel her back in, but his wife persisted.
“It’s important.” She marched up to the Draconequus. “This entire week, you’ve been giving out the advice that love is oh-so-hard. That you’ve been giving us all of this advice that destroys everything we think is Romantic. Yet, there’s one thing I’ve never once heard from you.”
Discord tilted his head. “Which is…?”
“Mr. Discord, have you ever had an ex?”
The illusion of the graduation ceremony came crashing down. All of the students heard the sound of glass shattering, and shards of the stage, the gowns, even Discord’s podium gave way to the warm school hallway. Discord had a look of shock on his face, not of disgust, but one of fragility.
“W…W-What?” Discord stuttered quietly.
“You heard me.” Spoiled assertively said. “Did you ever had a relationship that fell apart in the end?”
“I… Well… Yes…”
“Now here’s my real question: How can you expect any of us to take everything you just said seriously about how we do our relationships when you couldn’t work out with yours?”
The entire hallway went silent. All of the students were looking at their teacher, and he looked back at them. Discord’s eyes darted from one student to another, growing shorter as he did so. But worse yet, was when he spotted Fluttershy. The one he made that enormous, monumental promise to. He saw those eyes that were just in so much shock as he was. As much as he tried to think of something… anything to retort Spoild’s questioning… he couldn’t.
“I… I… I-I…” His heart was speeding up, he felt an icy chill running down and his claw/paw was shaking. An overwhelming sense of dread that threatened to end him right there and there. So, the philosophy teacher did the only rational thing he could think of.
He ran for his classroom door and slammed it.
“Discord!” Fluttershy galloped after him. Opening the door, not caring what might be behind it. What she found was a near-empty black void with Discord, spotlighted and curled up on the floor, hyperventilating into a paper bag. She didn’t care about the sudden arguments that broke out behind her. She didn’t care that as soon as she flew right in that the door behind her closed. None of that mattered as Discord was having a panic attack.
“Discord,” Fluttershy went over to him, putting a hoof over his shoulder, “Discord, can you hear me?”
“Oh, he can hear you,” Fluttershy almost jumped at this sudden voice. She looked up to something that she wasn’t sure if it was there before. A mirror. What reflected back wasn’t her or the quick-breath Discord on the floor. Behind the glass was another Discord, flipping a coin in his claw but catching it and doing it again. “But I’m afraid he can’t receive calls right now. Do you want me to leave a message?”
“Who are you? Are you a clone?”
“It wouldn’t be interesting if that were the case, wouldn’t it?” The other Discord flipped the coin in which he caught it. “But for simplicity's sake, have you ever had that voice in your head that tells you that you’re not good enough, you’re not smart enough, you’re not funny enough? You know, that inner critic? Well, I’m that voice in his head. And, oh boy, not only is he listening, but he’s also given me the megaphone to yell in his ear.”
“What did you do to him?”
“Me?” The other Discord raised an eyebrow while putting his lion’s paw over his chest. “I didn’t do a thing. But his student, however, did.” He flipped the coin again.
“What? About his Ex? I already know about Cos-”
“No no no!” He interrupted, “You’re not getting it. This has nothing to do with the nutcase. Nor does it have anything to do with the fear that his credibility has been shattered into a trillion-billion pieces. No. What happened back there is his worst fear was starting to come true, so he retreated to his panic room to run away before it could happen.” He flipped the coin again. “Do you want to know why? Since your sweet-heart is unresponsive on the floor and unable to muzzle me this time.”
Fluttershy looked between the panicking Discord and the one in the mirror. “It has to do with me.”
“Oh, almost but not quite!” the other Discord flipped the coin again, this time he caught it in his lion’s paw. Looking to see what side it landed, he smirked. “He’s afraid that he has just proven himself that he’ll never be good for you. Is that right Dizzy?”
Discord’s breathing quickens.
“What are you talking about?” Fluttershy questioned. “I don’t love him any less for-”
“Stop thinking about yourself for a moment,” he cut her off, “because what’s happening in his head right now, has more than just about you loving him.”
Fluttershy began stroking Discord’s back. “But, he loves me too… right?”
“Oh, he does. Just…” he flipped the coin again, thought about what to say before replying, “Think back to all the stuff he’s been saying these past few days. About you should find someone that isn’t familiar to you – but good for you. Understand? I mean, let’s face it, you’re nowhere close to everyone that raised him, or loved him. You’re not his Star Swirl the Bearded, a father who’s closer to Dr. Frankenstallion to build him a son and was… how do I say… deeply disappointed in how he turned out. Nor are you to his Ex, a fun chaos goddess who had no sense of restraint and doesn’t care who gets hurt in the process. Then again, you’re not any of the Princesses who sealed him away for a thousand years behind stone.
“No… He knows you’re not any of them. Not even close. If anything, you share all the good qualities that they had, but none of the drawbacks. In all the time he got to know you, he realizes that you are good for him. You’re his conscious, a counterbalance, and you taught him the language of love that has been unknown to him from the start. But… there lies the problem.”
“I still don’t understand.” Fluttershy put a comforting wing over Discord while continuing to stroke his back. “If he knows if I’m good enough for him. Then why isn’t it the other way around?”
“The fault, dear Flutters is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.” The other Discord flipped the coin again and catches it. “Remember that deal you made with him? This was more than just a week-long lesson talking about the philosophy and psychology of love. It’s an audition. And your beloved idiot has royally screwed it up, confirming what I’ve been trying to tell him from the beginning.” Another flip of the coin, “That no matter how much he tries to get that love he’s chasing – he will always find some way to burn it down.”
“He would nev-”
“But he has,” the other Discord half-sang. “You are perfect for him and he knows it – but he cannot be. He is a thing of chaos. Encountering perfection is like having oil meet water. Even if you go still go through with your end of the bargain, he may find some way to sabotage it first before you could do it for him.”
Fluttershy lay her head down next to Discord, stroking his black mane. “I know.”
This caught both Discords off guard, “Excuse me?” the one in the mirror questioned, “Didn’t you hear a word of what I said?”
“I did.”
“And… And you know he’s going to find some way to-”
“You’re making it sound like I don’t know what I’m getting myself into.” She hushed in Discord’s ears. “You’ll be okay,” she whispered. “In the first place, I know where all this you said is coming from. I had suspected it for a while now; but today, you just confirmed it.”
“What are you talking about?” The other Discord spat at her. “You knowing what!?”
“Discord… My Discord… as much as he tries to say how great he is, how hard he tries to convince others he’s amazing… I know deep down, he hates himself. It’s partly thanks to Discord that I had started to read phycology books. I mean, if you love someone as off balanced as he is, I will want to have an explanation. It didn’t take long to piece together that all of this bravado, all this need to prove himself constantly… he’s doing it because he’s trying so hard to convince himself that he is just that. But if he truly believes it, then he wouldn’t go through all the effort to be so, wouldn’t he?” She kissed his forehead, “I can guess that he grew up in an environment where he was never given the love he craved for. That he carried on the voices of those that told him that he didn’t have the right to exist. The poor thing.” She continued to stroke Discord’s head. “You’re going to be fine,” she whispered.
“So, you’ve pieced together his backstory, well done Sherlock!” The other Discord scoffed. “But have you been paying attention this whole week? He’s subtly been given you pretty strong hints why you should say ‘No’ to him.”
“It was part of the deal,” Fluttershy nodded.
The Discord in the mirror dropped his coin, dumbstruck at what he was hearing. “How- Why! This idiot is unbelievably immature!”
“I noticed.”
“He’s constantly anxious about making you the slightest bit unhappy!”
“Of course.” Fluttershy agreed.
“That he can’t resist making trouble for others!”
“And we’ve come out stronger for it.”
“H-He…” Discord’s reflection stuttered, trying to find something to convince Fluttershy. “Well… He’ll get bored with you eventually!”
“Then I’ll have to learn how to adapt.”
“He… I’d bet all the good sex will last less than two years – at most!”
“Didn’t he mention that sex and love were two different things?”
“Yeah but… he gets easily jealous!”
“I know that.”
“Oh c’mon! He practically expects you to read his mind and gets upset that you can’t!”
“Then I’ll have to teach him to use his words.”
“B-But…” The other Discord looked as if he was on the verge of an aneurism. “H-He betrayed you! You and your friends – a-and Equestria several times! He did it before, what’s stopping him from doing it again? Huh!”
“Has it ever occurred to you that he didn’t do all of that because he was evil? That maybe he was hurt or scared?”
Discord’s reflection banged on the mirror, “T-That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard!”
“I… Know…” Fluttershy looked down, Discord’s breathing slowed down enough to speak. “I taught her that.”
That was the tipping point from the other Discord who busted into flames out of sheer rage. “YOU’RE A TERRIBLE TEACHER AND NO ONE WILL LEARN A DAMN THING FROM YOU!!!”
“Who cares for you?” Discord sat up, turning his paper bag into a playing card – a queen of hearts, “You’re nothing but a pack of cards!” He flung the card like a spinning dart at the glass, and instead of the mirror shattering, it collapsed. The glass came apart like a house of cards, spilling it onto the floor of the void.
“Discord?” Fluttershy asked him, “Are you okay?”
“Uh-huh,” he nodded, holding a claw to his chest and took in deep breaths. “Let’s turn on the lights in here.” With his tail, he pulled on a cord and the black void turned white.
Fluttershy nuzzled under Discord’s chin, “I know it’s late for me to say this, and I’m sorry. But I think you’re being too harsh on yourself.”
“If I’m being honest,” Discord held his hindlegs close to his chest, “it’s because I’m telling the truth.”
“No. I still think you’re a great teacher.” She smiled reassuringly, “You’ve taught so many about the tricky sides of love that hardly anyone talks about. It was harsh, but it was needed.”
“But what Spoiled said, she was right about me.”
“You didn’t know better back then. Just because you failed at a relationship doesn’t make you any less credible. If anything, the fact that you’ve learned and grown from it – then teach them what to watch out for should say a lot about you.”
“Even though I made myself look like a fool.”
“Discord, I think a wise stallion once said, ‘All life is made of two kinds of creatures: the wise who know they’re fools, and fools who think they are wise.’”
This got a chuckle out of him, “That was Socrates who said that.”
“Yes. And it is the reason why I’m going to ask it.”
Discord’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”
“I know I am deeply imperfect, and in all the time I got to know you, I can see that you’ve grown to know that you are as well. I’m crazy in my own way, and so are you. With you, you know you are crazy, but because you are aware of it, you strive to figure out how to go easy on everyone else because of it. Including me.” Then after a beat, she added, “Now that out of the way.”
She took Discord by his lion’s paw and looked him in the eye. “You held up your end of the deal, and now, it’s time to uphold mine. That if you were willing to teach what you know about love to others, then I will ask you the question.”
“Y-You know you don’t have to…” Discord said, blushing.
“I know.” She smiled warmly. “But Discord… if you had the chance and want to… would – no… will you marry me?”
Discord drew her into a tight hug. “Fluttershy… go ahead and call me crazy… but I think I’m ready.”