One nice cool spring afternoon, Pinkie Pie trotted along pretty much the only road in Ponyville. She was in high spirits since she is heading to a tea party with all her friends. "I hope I'm not late," thought Pinkie Pie, "it took forever to pick out which skirt to wear". It indeed took a long time for Pinkie Pie to choose the blue skirt that she was wearing, despite only owning about three skirts. If only she had the fashion sense of Rainbow Dash! What's more, since ponies somehow have freakishly small waists compared to their legs it took almost an hour to put the skirt on. Well, at least she was more flexible than she has ever been at this point.
After an amount of time equal to exactly one internal monologue about tea parties, Pinkie Pie arrived at a hat-shaped building in the middle of Ponyville. This building has never been here before. But it's okay, that happens all the time. Buildings just pop into existence in Ponyville whenever some god-like entity called Marketing demanded it, and then Pinkie Pie and all of her bestest friends would go to said building and dress up and have tea parties. Pinkie Pie trotted happily into the hat---a sign on the front called it the Hat Box Café---and prepared for an afternoon of delightful and pointless existence.
"Surprise!" yelled Sweetie-Belle, Scootaloo, StarSong and Rainbow Dash, four of six of Pinkie Pie's bestest friends. Of course, it was hard to make friends with other ponies since Ponyville only has seven ponies. Regardless, Pinkie Pie is everypony's best friend because that's what she does. She is everypony's bestest best friend forever. She also likes cupcakes and is secretly wondering when she can stop being existential and just eat some bucking cupcakes already. Anyway, Pinkie Pie pretended to be surprised because, honestly, they do this surprise party thing all the time.
"You got me, girls! Now, let's eat some cupcakes!"
The ponies all laughed politely, but not too much, and then they proceeded to a plastic table where cheap plastic cups and plates are on the table. However, they are empty.
"Oh right, I was supposed to bring the cupcakes and tea!"
"Oh Pinkie Pie," Rainbow Dash said, "it's okay. We can eat my cupcakes instead."
With a magical twirl, Rainbow Dash rips off her plastic skirt and flings it through the air. It made a rainbow. Because her name is Rainbow Dash and her butt has a rainbow on it. Rainbow.
"Mmm, Rainbow Dash always undresses in style," said Scootaloo, who totally does not have a crush on Rainbow Dash what-so-ever because Scootaloo will only ever love another pony who is also adventurous and like to go outside and play with proper adult supervision.
"Hey, I can do that too!" StarSong was unhappy that Rainbow Dash got all the attention. The purple pony needed attention too. In fact she needed it all the time. One day, she mused, the world will revolve around a beautiful purple pony. She tried to rip her clothing off in a spectacular fashion but since her cutie mark was not about fashion she failed miserably. She ended up tangling herself up for an obligatory bondage reference.
"Ha ha, StarSong, you're such a silly pony," Pinkie Pie said, "let me help you up!" Pinkie Pie is everypony's best friend, so she must be loyal even though she also laughs at her friends. However, Pinkie Pie did not notice Sweetie-Belle, the smallest pony of them all, and tripped over her giant head.
"Sorry, Pinkie Pie, I should have worn a giant hat today to warn others of my small stature!"
"Wow," Scootaloo mused, "stature is such a fancy word! Has Cheerilee been teaching you big words again?"
Pinkie Pie tumbled into StarSong and the two of them landed awkwardly on the floor, with Pinkie Pie staring into the abyss that is StarSong's blue eyes. It wasn't hard considering that her eyes were kind of huge. In fact, this happened a lot. Rainbow Dash signed and tried to pull them apart. But since she was not particularly athletic herself she ended up falling into their embrace. And then, somehow, as if controlled by a giant controller held in Scootaloo's hooves, the ball of three ponies rolled into Sweetie-Belle and Scootaloo. They all stared into each others' eyes for what seemed like twenty-eight-point-two-six-one eternities.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie remembered. She had to feed her friends "tea" and "cupcakes" because she was everypony's best friend. So they had sex. Lots of it. Because there's really nothing else to do in Ponyville. Their bodies writhed together in some incomprehensible form that cannot be spoken of. If they were to be described to you, dear readers, your brains would implode because you have a basic understanding of anatomy.
After the massive pony orgy the pony pals all laid down together and looked at the moon. The beautiful moonlight became their blanket as they failed miserably at snuggling due to their awkward pony bodies. As the mooned looked down upon them Pinkie Pie thought that they sure learned something today, though she was not quite sure what that lesson was because they forgot to write it down.