A frantic call echoed against the wooden walls, but everything fell on deaf ears. Pharynx had slammed the door so hard that it was ringing in his head, not that he cared.
Stupid, he hissed inwardly. Stupid pegasus, stupid Princess...stupid rules. Everything here is dumb.
When did I agree to this?
Pharynx shook his head, pressing his carapace to the door. He hoped his weight would be enough to block out potential intruders. Feelings of uneasiness made living in his chitin uncomfortable, almost as if his chitin was about to shed.
It wasn’t.
He knew that.
I want to go home.
It was selfish of him to wish that, but he couldn’t shake it off. He looked over towards the opened window, wanting to drag his hooves towards it and jump out. Then he was free to go back.
I can’t go back, Pharynx remembered, his hooves staying put. She’d kill me...us, if we ever returned.
An image of his little brother flashed in his head, and he sighed heavily.
Thorax still needs me, he stated, though a bit shakily. I’d put us both in danger if I leave. I don’t want that.
I...I shouldn’t...want that.
He barely had time to register the searing horror when a soft knock echoed on the door. Pharynx stiffened, forcefully pushing harder against the wood.
“Go away,” he hissed.
“It’s just me,” Thorax's soft voice was muffled by the barrier, but Pharynx could feel the concern that laced his words and emotion. “Can I come in...?”
“No.”
“Pharynx-“
“No.”
“Please?”
Biting his lower lip, he growled. “Fine.”
He wanted to say ‘no’ a third time—he was already feeling himself cracking under his worries and stress, he didn’t need his brother to see him break any further. It would be an embarrassment to everyone involved, especially himself.
But...he couldn’t bring himself to shut out his own sibling.
His airways tightened as he pulled the doorknob, his eyes meeting with cyan ones on the other side of the barrier. “Only you.”
Thorax gave a strained smile, stepping into the room. His hooves immediately flew out towards the older changeling, examining Pharynx with great concern. He sighed, letting it happen.
“Pharynx,” he started, pushing against his shoulder plates gently. “I don’t ask, usually. You’d give me answers like ‘I’m fine’ or you get defensive. Either way, I don’t pry, because I believe you...most of the time.”
Pharynx scoffed, slightly offended.
Thorax kept a firm gaze. “You aren’t going to give me that excuse right now. What is wrong?”
“I’d thought it’d be obvious,” Pharynx said drily, rolling his eyes. “Tell me, what do you think?”
“I think something is wrong, is what I think,” Thorax returned the dry remark. Pharynx winced, sitting back on his haunches.
“...I don’t want to answer...”
The smaller nymph frowned, his crest pulsating against his neck. “Pharynx, I need to know what is going on. You aren’t like this. You’ve been...jittery for the past few days, and I haven’t seen you panic this much before.”
Pharynx curled up slightly, tucking his hooves underneath his chest. His tail brushed itself into a crescent shape, twitching every so often.
It wasn’t often that he would be pushed into such a corner. When it came to talking, he managed to always leave the conversation prematurely.
“...why do you care, all of a sudden?” he mumbled, looking away from his sibling.
“You are my brother, I love you, and you don’t usually act this way? Just things off the top of my head, I can keep going if you’d like.“
Pharynx glared at Thorax, but the words he spewed out did not match the expression that went along with it. Instead of a light tease—something that would be uncommon but not unwelcome from Thorax—he saw...sadness? Concern? Sympathy?
He didn’t want it.
“No, I don’t want to hear the rest,” he hissed quietly.
“Okay.” Thorax nodded. “Now, telling me what is wrong.”
“It’s...stupid, really dumb. I’m just...overreacting. It’ll be...fine,” Pharynx struggled to get the words out, feeling his lungs cave into themselves. He tapped his hooves against the ground, a awfully familiar feeling filling his stomach.
He tried his best to keep it down.
Thorax frowned. “Pharynx-“
“No. I’m fine.”
“You’re not. Stop lying to me.”
Pharynx winced. Had Thorax always been this blunt? He was perceptive, yes, but the older changeling could not remember a time where his timid sibling had even spoken so harshly. Was harshly even the right word?
Thorax shook his shoulders, redirecting the purple changeling’s attention back to the real world. “Please, Pharynx, I hate seeing you like this!”
Pharynx found himself cracking even further. He opened his mouth, but no words escaped. His throat closed up, tighten to the point where it threatened to suffocate him. He shook slightly, pressure building up around his eyes.
In a final attempt to coax the older nymph out of his panic, Thorax nudged Pharynx’s cheek with his own. He vibrated, a soothing thrill echoing from the back of his throat.
…and that’s when Pharynx couldn’t hide it anymore.
“I can’t do this,” he rasped. “Too much is happening. I don’t want to have to leave this place…e-especially not with th-,” he gulped, cutting himself off. “…w-why aren’t you the scared one? It’s like you aren’t the same Thorax…that should be good news...why am I'm not happy about it? I can’t handle being outside, let alone going to a school…I can’t disguise myself, I-I can’t go anywhere with being constantly watched…what is wrong with me these last several days? I’m not panicky…I s-shouldn’t be…that’s your job—!”
His words became a downward spiral. Not only did fear consume him, so did his anger. “How can you think a-any of this is fine? Oh, that’s right, you don’t know anything! You live in constant ignorance, blissfully unaware of most things pony-related. When you learn something, you like it! When I do, I can only think about how awful things will turn out! Isn’t that wonderful?” Pharynx found himself actively crying at this point. He pushed Thorax with one hoof, shaking violently. “T-this ‘Princess’, whoever she is, makes it clear that she doesn’t like us. You heard her letter. She clearly doesn’t want us here. If we…I make a mistake…might as be a war criminal while I’m at it!”
He laughed, coughing and sputtering as everything began to pile onto itself. Tremors passed through his chitin, shaking the already unstable nymph. Unrelenting anxiety, shame, and frustration constricted him from all sides, piercing his skull as another migraine overtook him.
He was drowning.
“Oh slimes,” Thorax cursed in a panic. “Pharynx clam down, you're going to make yourself sick—“
“Shut up!” Pharynx cried, another spike of pain flaring at his temples. He shoved his little brother away, his claws extending and retracting at random intervals. “P-please…just…I-I can’t…shut up…!”
The purple changeling knew he was upset, but he hadn’t anticipated such a breakdown. Tears burned down his chitin, and Pharynx wiped them away roughly. He had never felt so pathetic in his life.
When he managed to catch his breath, he felt warm hooves wrap around his neck. He whimpered slightly, fighting his instinct to rub up against Thorax's chin.
His younger brother gave a shaky sigh. “…do you feel any b-better?” he asked, his voice tight. Pharynx didn’t answer. Instead, he let himself be hugged for quite a while, slowly regaining the ability to breathe properly.
Slowly, he pried himself from Thorax’s chest. He looked up, immediately freezing when he saw a claw-like cut across the cyan nymph’s cheek. Thorax, while he smiled, looked like he was recovering from a shock.
“I did that…didn’t I?” Pharynx whispered, dread filling his voice.
Thorax neither confirmed nor denied the accusation. “N-not important right now.”
“But—“
“I’m glad you could tell me.” Thorax cut him off with a soft beam, before wince and placing a hoof on his cut. Pharynx instantly felt the guilt eat at him. “I know it’s a bit scary since this is all new…but I’m sure things will be better. Your going to be okay.”
“You can’t just say that…”
“I can! You know why?” Thorax's tone became serious, and Pharynx looked away. “You're my brother. I know you can. Maybe it’ll take a little bit, but you always make it through. I don’t think I would be here if it weren’t for you!”
“No. No, you wouldn’t.”
Thorax smiled at that for some reason.
The purple changeling curled up tighter. “…what about the other ponies?… I don’t like them as it is…”
“Being a recluse doesn’t sound any better,” Thorax pointed out. “Like it or not, you will have to at some point. Keeping yourself here hasn’t been doing much good.”
Pharynx huffed, wiping drying tears away. “…I-I’ve been fine-“
“No. I’m not taking that answer.” His younger brother frowned, and the purple nymph winced. “You weren’t fine.”
Pharynx dipped his head into his front hooves. It was jarring to hear Thorax so…confident…and straightforward. He felt sadness pull at his emotions.
He was growing tired of this…
“…I still don’t like the idea of going outside…” he admitted after a while, hoping to distract himself. Thorax nodded, tilting his head to and fro as he thought.
“The Princess said to not disguise yourself when no one is around,” Thorax noted. “If me or Fluttershy sees you doing it, that doesn’t break the rules.” He placed his hoof against Pharynx’s in an effort to comfort the upset changeling. He felt warmer…
“…it’s not a perfect solution…” Pharynx murmured.
“You don’t have to like it,” Thorax reasoned, smiling softly. His fanged grin shown brightly, lifting the slightly-less-distressed nymph from his overwhelming emotions, if only for a little bit. “You just need to effort to try…okay?”
The nymph tried to hold eye contact with his brother, but his gaze always flickered to the bleeding gash in Thorax’s face. He wanted to be hopeful, hoping his brother would be right.
That cut, however, taunted him, tainting his mind with doubt.
Look at what I did…
Do you I deserve this?
I’m going to mess up.
It’s not worth it…
It’s…I’m…not worth it…
“Please, Pharynx?” Thorax smiled, holding Pharynx’s hoof gently. Sparks of worry and excitement washed over him, and his thoughts became quiet.
He sighed. “…only for you…”