//------------------------------//
// Squirm Notice (5) 
// Story: Super Pony Roomies Season 2 
// by TheManehattanite 
//------------------------------//


16


Arcade had begun construction on one of Murderworld’s trademarked roller coasters (booby trapped, of course) before realising the constraints of Doc Argo’s underwater base meant it couldn’t run more than the length of a waiting room, and any attempt to expand would mean carrying through a reinforced wall and flooding the whole place, making one of his favourite features an impossibility and a frustrating waste of time. 

Recuperating this waste of money and materials was one reason he was trying to unload the place, along with the frightful state of his market: villains just weren’t buying themed locals like they used to. And the Maggia and their ilk! No imagination whatsoever. 

He used this frustration to squeeze through a tight gap in the half-finished support beams of his aborted coaster. Beyond was a tangle of unfinished construction, a honeycomb of Argo’s old rooms. If he could stick to the shadows he’d avoid the farce bulldozing the place (oh, if only the supervillain racket came with insurance, like normal amoral enterprises!) and reach an escape route.  

He froze as a sudden heat swept through gaps in girders, followed by an approaching shudder. This turned out be the right move, as the floor in front of him briefly turned molten before erupting. The Horseshoe Torch burst through the liquified concrete, panting with exertion.

“Tired, punk?!” Titania’s voice taunted through the gaping hole. A generator from the power station below them hurtled out of it, narrowly missing the twisting Torch and showering the room with shattered tracks. 

“Do you know how long that took to install?!” boomed Argo’s outraged voice.

Arcade darted around the gap, lunging for a beam. He scurried up it like a duded-up squirrel as the Torch dodged snapping tentacles, clambering out of a newly made gap in the tracks and balancing on them. The wisdom of this decision was thrown into question as the fight rocked the entire structure.   

“Going somewhere?” 

Arcade spun at the ragged voice behind him, readying an acid squirter in his boutonniere (the classics never went out of style), freezing at the sight of Spider-Pony balanced on an incline. 

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” Spidey panted, as light and flames stabbed between twisted metal, “it’s just way easier to wrangle these jerks without your slime trail slipping everypony up. Best to get you to some bolt hole and scrape you up later.” 

“Charming,” Arcade huffed. The Absorbing Pony’s wrecking ball crashed out of the tracks right behind him, sending his coat tails billowing. “But reasonable! Let us away!” 

He galloped back along the track, Spider-Pony following. Then it was into a tunnel behind him and through an air duct, a cramped journey through damp smelling shadows to tumble out of another one in what looked like an oversized lounge. 

It seemed to be going for a mix of operatic grandeur and timeless comfort. It just wound up looking like a god’s tacky idea of a ’50s/’70s penthouse, and in the centre…

“What is that monstrosity?” Spider-Pony asked, staring.

“Here when I, uh, acquired the place,” Arcade muttered, galloping to an office door. “Ask the good doctor!”

They were referring to a faux marble statue depicting an idealised version of Argo, balanced triumphantly on two tentacles with a limp Spider-Pony dangling in the others.  

“And I thought Johnny and I had issues,” Spidey shuddered. 

“Forget your flaming friend!” Arcade snapped, patting his lapels. “I can’t find the key!”

“To your archive?”

“To my escape--” 

Arcade froze, his freckles standing out even more against his blanching cheeks. 

“Why are you looking for my archive?” 

“Because you owe us some serious real estate,” Spider-Pony snarled, eyes blazing purple as Lyja shifted back to her true form. 

“M-M-M-Ms. L-Laser! Surely we can--”

“You tried that already. This it?”

“My archive? Uh, y-yes indeed, my own private sanctum santorYAGH!” 

Arcade flung himself to the obnoxious carpeting as Lyja eye blasted the door behind him out of its frame, scattering into the office beyond in fragments. He looked up, pupils shrinking, as she stood over him, readying another blast. 

“Then what do I need you for?” 

Arcade cried out in terror at an explosion and the sound of shattering glass…and realised Lyja hadn’t fired and was surprised as he was. 


***


A large mirror over the fireplace had been blasted open, Titania and Spellectro flying out of it to crash into furniture. The true-blue Spider-Pony hopped out, firing a tail web to dangle above all that broken glass, and turned to take in the statue, freezing. 

“Sweet Celestia’s harmony,” he breathed in horror. 

“My relaxation room!” came Argo’s voice, bouncing out of the hole, which had served as one of the entrances for Arcade’s mirror maze. “You keep out of there!” 

“Wish I could,” Spidey said, still staring. 

Lyja fired, setting off his Spider-Sense and sending him bouncing off a fainting couch Rarity wouldn’t have sullied her spine with and onto a nearby wall. 

“So where were we?” he called cheerfully to the Super Skrull, already preparing another blast. 

“Persistent little—!” Lyja growled, hurling waves of energy from each hoof. 

Spidey jumped off the wall as she demolished it, bouncing off a recovering Titania and behind the statue for cover. Lyja howled with outrage as her shots only succeeded in chipping bits off the fake hero gripped in the marble tentacles. 

“I’ll just mosey out of your way…” Arcade began, belly crawling into his office. 

Lyja rounded on him, which was all the opening Spider-Pony needed, bounding off the top of that appalling statue and cannoning into her back. Arcade squealed, ducking and covering as they sailed over him. 

The two rolled, grappling. Arcade’s (formerly Argo’s, Peter supposed) office was open plan, so they had a long way to go before finally stopping, Spidey on top. His quip was cut off by his Spider-Sense, prompting him to yank his head back as Lyja fired an eye blast, showering them in ceiling plaster, then kicked him in the stomach. 

“aH,” Spidey wheezed, backing up and clutching his gut, “sO tHa’S wHaT j’NnY s’W ’n Ya…”

“See…right…right through you…” Lyja panted, shaking plaster dust out of her mane. 

Spidey spun, firing twin web-lines to snag a startled Arcade and haul the engineer into his hooves. He twisted back towards Lyja, holding Arcade in front of him as an equine shield. “But did you see this coming?!”

“Oh wow,” Lyja deadpanned, levelling her charging hooves and her eyes leaking Kirby Krackle, “two targets, neither of whom I like. Whatever shall I do?” 

“Suffer internal bruising and a mild concussion’s my bet,” Spidey said pleasantly, and sprang to the ceiling, taking the squirming Arcade with him. 

Titania was charging into the room, eyes widening along with Lyja’s as they realised the strong–mare's quarry was now gone and she had too much momentum to stop herself. 

Titania managed to inadvertently turn just enough to ram her side into Lyja, avoiding impaling the Skrull on her spiked leggings as she drove the breath from the alien’s lungs. Along with the energy in Lyja's hooves. Spellectro took it face first as he galloped into the office and sailed across the lounge, smashing into Argo’s antique collection. 

Titania and Lyja slammed into an office wall, toppling several of many filing cabinets and sending papers fountaining into the air. 

“Nah,” Spidey breezed to Arcade, dropping off the ceiling as the engineer tried to break his grip, “you’ve had a stressful day!” 

He shoved Arcade into a swivel chair so hard it spun, weaving webbing to secure him as it went. “So sit a spell! Preferably of the dizzy variety!” 

Arcade groaned queasily, head slumped as the chair slowed. Spidey took advantage of the brief lull to examine some papers drifting to the floor. One drooped over his head and he flinched, pulling it off. He squinted at a photo of some warehouses. “Property listings?” 

“Get away from those!” Lyja shrieked. 

The savagery in her voice startled Spidey so much he froze, just as she fired again. 

Spellectro, pulling himself groggily out of Argo’s antiques display, was driven back into it as the web-slinger crashed on top of him. 


17


Spike was sitting at one of Sugar Cube Corner’s booths when Twilight finally found him. 

“Hi?” she said tentatively. 

Spike looked up from assorted wrappers covering a sheet of parchment, scattering some of them as he leaped at her for a relived hug. 

“Uh,” he mumbled eventually, releasing her, abashed. He cleared his throat, trying to act casual. “’Sup? Just...taking a snack break.” 

“Pinkie said,” Twilight agreed. She glanced at the table and squinted. Spike reached for his parchment, but she was already levitating it. She blinked. “A pros and cons list?”

“Well…” Spike glanced mortifyingly at the floor, shuddering between the urge to scuff it with a foot and refusing to be that much of a cliché. “Gotta have those before you can have a list, heh…”

“Good point,” Twilight said, looking it over again to make sure she hadn’t somehow missed something. 

Other than Pros and Cons in Spike’s neat, professional Canterlot cursive the sheet was blank, unless you counted a few crumbs. 





She telekinetically rolled it up and stashed it away in her tail, out of habit and because it was considered a sin in the Sparkle household to waste good stationary, then sat down next to him. 

“I’m sorry I just teleported away like that. I should have talked to you about this. You were right there!” 

“You were freaking out,” Spike soothed, waving a dismissive paw. 

“Oooh yeah. Big time.”

“I mean, I would’ve!” 

“Pretty sure if you were getting engaged my freak out would be even bigger,” Twilight snickered. “And then there’s Princess Celestia, Rarity, Mom…”

They both stared into nothing and shuddered. 

“It’d be okay, though,” Spike rallied. 

“She’d ask why I didn’t tell her! And it’d be because I was freaking out and trying to organise everything and she’d think that was an excuse to avoid her, and--”

“I meant you and Peter.”

Twilight blinked at him. 

“Y’know.” Spike shuffled slightly, trying to maintain relaxed body language even though she could see how hard he was gripping his tail. “If you went through with it.”

“Well that’s good,” Twilight smiled. “It’d be important that the three of us got along.” 

Spike’s turn to blink. 

“Because we’d be sharing the castle, obviously!” 

“Right!” He looked away, embarrassed at how quickly and obvious his relief was. “Right. Obviously.” 

She put a hoof on his shoulder. 

“Spike, even if I was going to say yes, you’ll always be part of my life. And I’ll always respect what you want. If you decided to go your own way after something that big…it’d be hard, but I’d be happy for you. Please believe that.” 

“Yeah, well, uh…” Spike examined his talons like it was no big deal, and coincidently avoiding eye contact. “Someone’d have to take your dictation, I guess.”

“And I’d like that someone to be you, for as long as possible.” 

She put a wing around him, pulling him in for a hug. Spike returned it, blushing. Then blinked. 

“Wait,” he realised, “do you mean you’re not getting engaged?” 

“Not today, anyway,” Twilight said simply, but she couldn’t keep an exhausted undercurrent out of her voice. 

“Huh.” Spike scratched his head as they got up to leave. “You sure? You know I’d have gone along with you guys 100% no matter what, right?”

“That’s good to hear but…” Twilight sighed, then shook her head. “Peter Trotter is a lot of things Spike, but he and I…Cadence and Shining we aren’t.” 

Her eyes sparkled as her horn lit up with teleportal magic. “Not yet.”

“Uh…cool?” Spike decided as lavender light swallowed them. 


18


“My relaxation room!” Argo cried. “You keep out of there!” 

“Ahem.” 

Argo turned away from the shattered mirror he’d been staring out of. A flaming boxing glove powered into the centre of his harness, sending him skidding. 

Johnny scowled at how little damage his construct seemed to have done, but tech-villains did have this annoying habit of fireproofing their armours and it wasn’t like he was about to try that particular move on the dude’s exposed face. Razza frazza ethics… 

A chain rattled behind him, winding up. Johnny shot upwards, flattening himself against the ceiling and wincing as Absorbing Pony’s wrecking ball hurtled inches below his stomach. Doc Argo just managed to bring two tentacles up to catch it before it collided with his face, boggling in terrified outrage through his goggles. 

“Uh, sorry Doc!” an abashed Absorbing Pony called. “All these reflections throw off yer aim, y’know?” 

“Thanks for the idea,” Johnny cooed, hovering in front of the Unicorn and flaring. 

Argo and Cruel Crusher howled as his blinding white light flashed at them from every angle. Johnny, his own eyes squeezed shut seconds before pulling his manoeuvre, focused on the Absorbing Pony and put his shoulder against the villain’s chest. Crusher was still armoured, but Johnny hadn’t been planning to move him that way. 

Channelling the force of a jet engine out through his legs, sending the pair of them rocketing through multiple mirrors and rooms, conveniently bowling Argo over with the thermal wind, that was how Johnny planned to move him! 

Even a metal pony couldn’t take that much punishment for long, but Johnny’s burning epidermis offered only so much protection itself and he was eventually shaken off, feeling like a wad of gum that’d been stuck to an over performing tilt-o-whirl.

Man, Arcade probably had one of those around here somewhere… 

Crusher had scraped a groove into the floor as they crashed through the scenery and he now sprawled groaning in it, flickering between flesh and metal. Johnny would’ve joined him down there if his flame hadn’t stayed on, keeping him hovering just above the floor. He shook his head to clear it and take stock.


***


His initial disorientation was probably an intended part of the general Murderworld aesthetic, all those different settings crammed together. For a second he’d thought they’d somehow shot all the way to Canterlot but realised it was only that fake castle foyer.

Fighting nausea, Johnny flamed off and dropped to the floor. A tile under his hoof clicked. 

“Aww no…”

Princess Celestia! Thousands of her! 

Johnny flamed back on out of shock, staring nonplussed at the translucent…holograms of Celestia, he realised. 

“H-hello, my-Little-p-pony!” sputtered multiple, clumsily edited loops, “I-ah-’m-very g-Disco-point-’d-d-d-in-You?!”

“Don’t even wanna know,” Johnny muttered, shaking his head. 

“H-hello, my-Little-p-pony! I-ah-’m-very g-Disco-point-’d-d-d-in-You?!”

“My music room!” snapped Argo, charging through the impromptu corridor. “What has he done to my music room?!” 

“Okay, seriously,” Johnny called over the loops, “what kind of lair was this?”

“MINE!” Argo roared. Johnny realised what that grinding metallic noise had been: the doctor was still carrying Absorbing Pony’s weapon, dragging it behind him and was now swinging it back— 

Argo blinked as the Torch burst like a priceless vase under his new toy. (He’d also almost brought it down on its original owner’s skull, but the accident that had telepathically linked him to his harness had removed Otto Octavius’ never particularly high regard for other lives long ago.) 

“H-hello, my-Little-p-pony!”

A flash to the right. Another Horseshoe Torch blazed merrily by some columns! Ago swung again, demolishing both. 

“I-ah-’m-very g-Disco-point-’d-d-d-in-You?!”

“Decoys,” the genius snarled. “Cowardly, Storm, even for you!” 

“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful,” Johnny’s voice called from somewhere in the Celestial herd. 

Argo extended his free tentacles as far as possible, probing for the boy’s scrawny neck. His pincers snapped on nothing. 

“H-hello, my-Little-p-pony!”

“Outta morbid curiosity,” Johnny echoed from somewhere else, “who’s twisted idea was this?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I-ah-’m-very g-Disco-point-’d-d-d-in-You?!”

“This. This whole mommy issues thing. You or Arcade?” 

“What?!” Argo snapped, rearing back in shock. “How dare you! I’m not that sort of pony!” 

“And what sort’s that?!” He could hear the self-satisfied smirk in the boy’s voice. 

Argo stomped through the holo-Celestia’s, squinting, hunting.

“H-hello, my-Little-p-pony!” “My little pony!” 

Argo whirled but hesitated at the sight of the Torch before him, almost overbalancing as the ball clanged to the tiles. 

Which was what the real Johnnycake Storm, flamed off and diving through the hologram on Argo’s left, had been hoping for, springing off the ball and leapfrogging off the genius’ shell, slapping the back of his head en-route and cackling as he tumbled back among the Celestias. His decoy crumbled, bathing Argo in the smell of smoke. 

“I-ah-’m-very g-Disco-point-’d-d-d-in-You?!” “What she said!” 

Argo bellowed with rage…then hesitated, shut his eyes, and took a deep breath. 

“H-hello, my-Little-p-pony! I-ah-’m-very g-Disco-point-’d-d-d-in-You?!”

Smiling with self-satisfaction, Argo raised himself on his rear tentacles and scanned the room. The holo-Celestia’s were still too thick for him to make out the floor, so he simply turned to the left wall, running a tentacle over it like a hoof until he found the right spot. 

“H-hello, my-Little-p-pony! I-ah-’m-very g-Dis--”

And smashed it in, dragging out a sparking tangle of cables and machinery in his pincers.

“D-d-D-d-D-dddddddin-oooooooo--”

All but two of the flickering princesses vanished and those had no audio to badly synch up with their moving mouths. Apart from the semiconscious, now flesh Absorbing Pony the floor was bare. But a section was missing…

“Ah,” Agro sneered, lowering himself towards it, “at least he left my old escape hatch. Did you really think that would save you, boy?!”  

“Nah,” said a flaring light behind him, “just some time.” 

The Torch rocketed into Argo’s back, slamming the yelping genius into the drop. 

“By the way,” he called as the scream grew longer and more urgent, “pretty sure Arcade renovated some!” 

Octavius’ scream carried on for a few more beats before being cut off by a metallic clang. Johnny didn’t bother to speculate how far he’d fallen or what he’d landed on, simply slamming the hatch shut and welding it. Not that he seriously expected that to do more than slow Argo down, but…

He frowned, looking up to see what felt wrong. 

That stupid wrecking ball was levitating a little above him, glowing the same blue as Crusher’s eyes. Before Johnny could dart out of the way the chain whipped around him, then he was shooting across the room to stare, dazed, into the Unicorn’s upside down face. 

“Hey,” the Absorbing Pony said casually. 

Johnny squinted, still disorientated. “…hey?”

“Wanna go for a ride?” 

“…no?” 

Crusher grinned and began to wind up. 


19


“Stand still, runt!” Titania snarled, headbutting and stomping. 

Their melee had carried out of Argo’s relaxation room and into one of his adjacent workshops, which Arcade had left intact. So much for that. Furniture, equipment and walls shattered under her frustrated blows as Spider-Pony twisted and danced around her.

“Y’know, I’d love to but darndest thing, got an itch that has me all a’twitch! Must be something in the Doc’s carpeting. Don’t suppose I could borrow one of those oh so stylish spikes of yours?” 

Titania roared, swinging up a foreleg to try and rake him with some. Spidey countered by easily flipping over it, landing behind her. He wrapped his tail around the startled villain’s and flipped backwards over her, using their tails to take her with him and slam her into the floor. 

Titania, durable enough to come back from Asgardian roundhouses, recovered almost instantly and sprang back to all fours…or would have if her foreleg spikes hadn’t been driven into the floor. 

“Oh, you lil’—!” she hissed, tugging. The durable floor, designed like the walls to withstand pulverising water pressure, sprouted hairline cracks but stayed solid. 

“Since we’ve got a sec,” Spidey said cheerfully from his perch on the ceiling above her, “y’mind if I ask what those're for? Is it a feng shui thing?” 

His Spider-Sense flared and he just managed to dive to a worktable as a purple wave of energy, crackling with yellow lightning, scythed across the ceiling. Titania howled as she was buried under collapsing debris from the room above, unhurt but further pinned.

Spellectro winced, standing wreathed in static beside a glowing eyed Lyja, both their hooves still raised from the combined shot.  

“Though I’ve gotta give Big T her due,” Spidey quipped, “at least she’s not you two fashion disasters.” 

He gestured to Lyja, putting on his cheesiest network voice. “One’s an alien from a distant galaxy, which explains why she hasn’t heard green and purple is so done!” Then to Spellectro. “The other looks like that!” 

The duo responded by firing in sync again. 

Spidey, lenses wide, just managed to make it to the ceiling as their beam smashed through everything in its way, which had almost included him. It struck the far wall, blowing it wide open and turning the workshop surreal carnival colours from whatever was on the other side as all the shop’s lights blew out.

Spidey twisted, firing a web-line to prepare for a swing kick, but a violet beam slashed through the line and he cried out as a yellow bolt struck him right in the spider-logo, hurling him into the next room.

“Toldja we’d be AC-DC, babe!” Spellectro grinned, preening. 

“When you’re right, you’re right.” Lyja lowered her hooves. “Keep him off my back while I search the office!”

Wh—but we got ‘im on the ropes! Why?”

“Because I’m asking you too,” Lyja cooed, winking. It sprinkled purple laser sparkles. Spellectro’s pigeon chest swelled with machismo and he powered up, launching himself after Spidey in a crackling yellow bolt. 

“⌰⍜⍜⌇⟒⍀,” Lyja muttered, turning back.


***


Peter’s Spider-Sense jarred him awake. First things first, where was he? 

Sprawled in a dodgem cart. Alrighty. So where was—?

“FRY!” Spellectro yelled in manic triumph, lunging towards him, hooves blazing with voltage. 

Spider-Pony simultaneously braced his hind legs against the cart’s dash and fired twin web-lines, using them to haul it forward. Spellectro barely managed to cry out before he missed his target completely, face planting into an admissions booth. 

“Just not your day, Max,” Spidey observed, hopping out of the cart. 

Spellectro groaned, trying to get to all fours. He let out a yelp of protest as webbing slapped his tail to the floor. 

“Just making sure I remember where you parked,” Spidey simpered, vaulting the railings before the twisting Spellectro could think to electrify the floor or something. 

Max O’ Million was never the brightest bulb in the marque, no matter how often he bragged about a supposed gangster lineage, but ever since the first Stampede Six he’d pegged Doc Argo as a way to improve his repertoire beyond just hurling bolts, hoping to fulfil his pipedream of becoming pure energy. Basic as Max could be his powers were as versatile as Johnny’s, and he made sure to pick up some kind of new trick every time he goffered for Argo. 

Right now though, he was trying to gallop in a circle while technically standing still. 

Spidey took a second to check out the terrain. Whatever part of Argo’s base this had been the last time he’d been here, Arcade had decided it would make for a good actual theme park set. In addition to the dodgem ride there was a carrousel, probably what was filling the room with that piping music, a swing ride, a row of mechanical bulls and a hall of mirrors, which might feed into the maze between rooms. 

Spider-Sense! He looked up to see a slab of flooring hurtling towards him. 

He sprang forward, briefly sticking to it in order to scamper to its tip and leap off in the split seconds before it completed its journey, smashing into the mechanical bulls. The few that didn’t shatter morphed into robotic minotaurs, but simply lay there, sparking. 

Spidey looked up to see a roaring Titania charging towards him, managing to snag a razor sharp faux-horn with a tail web and swung it around just in time to deflect a swipe of her foreleg spikes. “Whoa!” 

“Whassamatter?!” Titania bellowed, forcing him to hop back with each parry, sending up sparks. “I thought ya wanted to play with my spikes!” 

“That’s it, ’Tania!” Spellectro called, still struggling. “Keep ’im busy ’til I can get outta here!”

He struggled then flared with power, inadvertently giving Spidey a reprieve as Titiania, flash blinded, covered her eyes. 

The room filled with accelerating carousal music and a burning smell. Spellectro’s magic was twisting its way through railings and slipping into mechanisms. As he clambered out of his prison, dodgem carts revving and spinning in place behind him, the carousel and swing ride began to spin faster and faster until they almost hurt to look at. 

Spider-Pony had vanished. Titania snarled, rounding on Spellectro in frustration, then froze, nonplussed. 

“What?” Spellectro asked, waving a hoof to clear an acrid scent swirling around his head. 

He turned at an intrusive, gnawing sensation behind him and screamed. His tail was on fire. 

Titania, technically fireproof but unsettled, jerked aside as the spellectrostatic villain shot past her yelping and hollering, leaving her coughing on the smoke he left in his wake as he vanished into the mirror maze. 

“Hi,” Spidey said, suddenly upside down and in her face, “hold this? Thanks.” 

Titania blinked at a strand of webbing he’d surreptitiously slipped around one of her forelegs, then followed its length as he tossed it up to snag…one of the swing ride’s seats. 

Her howl of fury was pulled up and into the ride’s arc along with her, distorting as she became a purple blur. 

“YOU LOUSY—” her warping voice called as she whipped around each loop, “—GET OUTTA HE—USE YA FOR—AWW NO—INK I’M GONNA HURL—”

“Two down…” Spidey breathed.

He casually sidestepped as a still screaming Spellectro galloped out of the maze, sticking a leg out to trip him and webbing his tail to put it out as well as pin him down. Spidey popped his neck, turning back to the holes blasted between rooms.

“One to go.”


20


Applejack looked up as Twilight and Spike materialised in the castle lobby, exchanging waves with them from the map chamber door. She indicated for them to join with her head. 

“Alright,” Twilight sighed to herself, “game face.” 

“Games?” Pinkie Pie asked, sticking her head between banister railings and sending Spike leaping into Twilight’s hooves. Twilight had nopony to leap to and so just fell on her ass. “We can play later, right now we should be making serious faces.” 

She ran a hoof down her face to show what she meant. She somehow gained a clenched lantern jaw and straighter hair. Both sprang back to normal with disquieting rubbery sounds.

“How about hide ‘n’ no seek?” Spike murmured as he pulled himself free of Twilight’s grip. 

“Where’d be the fun in that? Sounds lonely!” Pinkie hopped up onto the rail to smile reassuringly at Twilight. “Y’know Sugar Cube Corner has lotsa client confidentiality stuff for weddings and such, so whatever happens I’m there if you wanna talk…?”

“That means a lot, Pinkie,” Twilight smiled, nodding at her as she trotted into the room. And hesitated. She and AJ had talked about getting everypony together, yes, but to actually be here…and then there was whatever Dash and Rarity were doing. 

“Sorry,” Fluttershy mumbled from her seat. 

“What? Why?” Twilight asked, increasingly mystified. 

“I let everypony know about your, uh, situation and everything kind of spun out from there.”

“Ain’t your fault who does what, ’Shy,” Applejack assured. Spike admired the casual way she shouldered her Super Soaker™. 

“We’re terrible friends for caring, we get it!” Dash snapped, though it sounded clogged. That might explain the blanket and bucket, but Twilight still had to ask. 

“Why are you tied up?” 

“Applejack has certain ideas about civic responsibility,” Rarity sniffed, from congestion not hauteur. At least not yet. 

She and Rainbow were sharing a milk crate instead of their thrones, huddled together under a thick Apple Family comforter with a rather nice smiling tree pattern. And lashed together at the waste by a thick strand of reliable Apple Family rope, running around the outside of the comforter. It strangely went with the pattern, somehow. Their sullenly slumped shoulders almost gave the impression they were wilting in the warm vapour wafting up out of the bucket they had their hooves in. 

“Applejack knows you two pretty well,” the farm girl clarified. “Reckoned the best way to cool ‘em off was with some good ol’ mountain river water,” she explained at Twilight’s look. 

“I did ask for plausible deniability when you began asking for zap apple battery components,” Twilight admitted. “Are you two going to be okay?” 

“Eh, she had this hot spring water ready ‘n’ wating,” Dash snuffled begrudgingly, giving the bucket a demonstrative kick. Rarity shut her eyes and sighed contentedly as this sent a fresh plume of vapour shooting up to drift around their heads. 

“Don’t feel too sorry for ‘em, Twi, they wouldn’t be where they are if they hadn’t run around tryin’ to make decisions for ya.” 

“Yes, well we’re at a stand still now,” Rarity huffed, “so you can s-sugh-sugh—” The daintiest of sneezes. “—stop lecturing and start doing some listening of your own.”

“We’re totally having words later,” Dash agreed darkly. 

“Bring it, fly girl,” Applejack smirked. 

“Girls,” Twilight said diplomatically. 

All three made noises of assent and gave her their attention. Spike hopped up onto his own chair as Applejack leaned against hers, Pinkie and Fluttershy looking at Twilight from theirs as the Alicorn trotted into a space between the milk crate and the Cutie Map. 

“Alrighty…” Twilight inhaled, enjoying a brief tinge from the water vapour, then exhaled and focused. “The facts are these.” 

She levitated that accursed box out of her wing pocket and opened it to display its accursed ring. 

“I accidentally discovered this in Peter Trotter’s saddlebag. There are only so many intentions he could have with an engagement ring, and I’ve spent a, uh, a lot of time trying to have some kind of response to those intentions.” She looked askance at nothing. “Besides going totally Bursar…” 

“Totally what now?” Rainbow Dash and Applejack asked in sync. 

“Oh, one of the staff at my old school, poor fellow, but that’s not really…relevant.” Twilight levitated the box onto the table, sending it through the image of Manehattan. Coincidence? “I appreciate everypony’s concern but I’ve come to a decision. Whatever happens, I’m going to have to turn Peter down. This time, anyway.” 

“Oh, darling,” Rarity cooed through her blocked sinuses.

“No, it’s alright!” Twilight assured, smiling as Applejack put a hoof on her shoulder. “He’ll understand, I’m sure.” Her eyes drifted to Rainbow Dash. “So the only pony he needs a talking to from is me, can we agree on that?”

“Whatever,” Dash muttered, trying to shrug without throwing off the blanket. “But we all know it’s way too soon, yeah?”

“Dashie!” Pinkie moaned over Rarity and Applejack’s own less affectionate invocations. 

“Well it is!” 

“I don’t disagree,” Twilight said, hoping she was raising her voice enough to emphasise her point without sounding like she was mad at anypony. “But I’m going to be the one to handle it. This evening, when he gets back from helping Johnnycake. We’re going to have a little dinner and sort things out.”

“Not quite what I’d do,” Rarity said, sincerity projecting through a cold induced warbling in her voice. “But a very effective strategy, darling! Good luck. And when the big day does come Carousel Boutique is entirely at your disposal.”

“Of course,” Twilight chuckled. “I hear you have some binders I could look at, too?”

“Did I make that sound like a good thing?” Applejack asked. 

“They have indexes,” Dash agreed. Twilight’s eyes lit up like splitting atoms, reminding her who they were dealing with. 

“Anyway!” Spike declared, clapping his paws and hopping off his seat. “That dinner isn’t gonna whip itself up!”

“An’ we can take a hint,” Applejack chuckled. “C’mon, everypony.” 

“Um…” Fluttershy gestured to the used hankies that were Dash and Rarity. 

“Oh, right,” AJ realised, blinking. 

“You could always untie us,” Dash said bitterly. 

“Spike, dear, could you possibly be a lamb and fetch us some soup?” Rarity asked, rearing back with a hoof to her brow. “And my fainting couch?” 

“Hey!” Dash protested as the gesture dragged her back too.


21


Lyja smirked to herself as she scanned yet another folder, stuffing it into a saddlebag. She gripped the handle for a draw in another filing cabinet and yanked the entire thing out, sending its contents sheeting to join others on the floor. 

Arcade moaned behind her, still secured to his chair. 

“That’s private property!” he snapped, too muzzy to consider his position. Lyja casually fired a hoof-blast over her shoulder without turning around and he was promptly reminded of it. 

“Alright,” Lyja sighed to herself, securing her two saddlebags, “that oughta do…”

She kicked another cabinet hard enough to spring most of its drawers, then briefly shape shifted her shoulders into more bulky models to knock it over, covering the floor in muddled documents. Whatever she was looking for, nopony on this mudball would be able to find it right away. Assuming the supers left this place intact to search! One of them made an entire career out of being a walking, talking fire hazard. 

“My receipts!” Arcade mewled as she tipped over another cabinet for luck. 

“You would keep track,” Lyja scoffed. She reached into her saddlebag and waved a folder of her own. “Recognise this? It’s for that dumb disco you sold us!” 

“You specifically requested a social--” Arcade began. 

“I ought to make you eat it! I wanted to trap the Torch, not filet him! If I hadn’t pulled the right wires…” 

She trailed off, adjusting her ponytail as she caught herself. Arcade blinked at her. “You…sabotaged your own trap? Then what’s your problem with me?!” 

“One of many,” Lyja scoffed. 

Arcade squealed as she trotted towards him, trying to quickly roll his chair back without tipping it over, but Lyja was simply reaching for his desk lamp. 

A deft yank of its neck and another mirror maze entrance revealed itself behind a display case of Doc Argo’s trophies, its faux mahogany frame splitting into two separate sections, two glass housing full of ego boosters each, to open into the brine and plastic smelling shadows. 

“In case you’re wondering,” Lyja snarled softly, leaning in so Arcade had no choice but to stare into her quietly enraged yellow eyes, “yes, we’re aware of all the times you stiffed us or sold us less than adequate equipment.”

Arcade gulped. 

“Bet that happens a lot,” Lyja continued. “Work for tomorrow and all that. I’m letting you know that we know so you understand something.”

“Yes?” Arcade croaked.

“Leaving you to those others is the most mercy you can expect from me. After all, with the Torch and the spider around you might survive them.”

She wrenched his chin up with a hoof, eyes glowing with furious power. 

“But if you think we still have a score to settle, if you come anywhere near my people…I can get a lot closer than this. Understood?” 

Arcade made several affirmative grunts, unable to move his mouth with her hoof at his throat or look away from those eyes. 

“Look at that,” Lyja snorted, turning back towards her escape route, “finally, a pony on this dirt ball that gets the message.”

She froze mid strut as two web-lines slapped into either side of her, spinning to boggle at—

“Candygram!” Spider-Pony hollered cheerfully, perched on the headrest of Arcade’s chair. Arcade’s protests became a scream as the Web-Slinger yanked his lines taut, sending them racing towards Lyja. 

The Skull sprang aside…and was startled to feel Spidey land on her and send her tumbling out of control into a mirror. Arcade’s screams were cut off abruptly, replaced by grunts as he slapped between mirrors, missing only a ‘TILT’ sign to make his humiliation complete. 

Lyja sprang to all fours, preparing a furious eye blast, but hesitated at the sight of multiple reflected Spideys. A tempting array of targets but she didn’t want to blow her own head off. 

The Spider-Ponies blurred, raising their hooves, and a web splattered against a mirror on her right. Lyja whirled, firing in the directions she was sure it had come from and hitting…nothing. Cracks raced across the maze, further distorting everything. 

Lyja turned in careful circles, trying to cover against any possible attack. Other than a semi-conscious, chair bound and slightly revolving Arcade the maze was empty. She adjusted her saddlebag straps and stalked forward carefully. 

She froze at an echoing voice, bounced from all around her. It was humming. The Merry-go-round Broke Down. Lyja rolled her eyes, then hesitated and quickly looked up at the ceiling. 

“Oh please,” Spidey’s voice scoffed from somewhere. 

“Hide and seek now?” Lyja shot back. “Need a breather after dancing with those two clowns?” 

“Interesting turn of phrase! Not feeling so hot to trot yourself?” 

“With you?” Lyja scoffed. “I’m an agent of the Skrull Empire. I’ve matched wits with the Fantastic Family and the Shi'ar Imperial Guard. You have Spellectro.” 

“So how come you haven’t squashed me yet?”

“Like you’re even remotely important to me!” 

“Yeah, your head’s really not in this game, is it?” 

Lyja darted around a corner, eyes charging again, but found only a window onto a casino set. She could’ve sworn his voice had been coming from…

“Which makes me wonder what kind you’re really playing,” Spider-Pony said cheerfully, right behind her. 

Lyja spun, rearing to fire from her hooves and stopped as she registered he was upside down, dangling from a line. 

Spidey used that split second of confusion to box her elfin ears, making her douse her hooves as she clapped them over her ringing ears, and grab her by the collar, reeling her up with him. Lyja grunted as she was slammed against the ceiling, sagging in a quickly spun web-cage. 

“Wh—?! But you acted like that was too obvious!” 

Spidey squinted. “And you believed me?” 

Lyja snarled and it became more guttural as she shifted into a feline form, an alien wildcat large enough to snap the webbing. She swiped at Spidey on the way down, batting him off and forcing him into a flip. They both landed facing each other. 

“Running out of ideas, huh?” the Web-Slinger asked cheerfully, darting to the right as Lyja lunged for him. 

Lyja missed another attempt then simply sprang over him, bounding around a corner, but came up short as she found the maze in front of her covered in webbing. She shifted back to her true shape, something of the cat still in her snarl as she turned to face Spidey. “You’ve been busy.”

“Hey, as an interior designer I’m at least classier than Arcade, you’ve gotta gimme that! Only way out’s the one Torchie and I came in, by the way. Come up with your hooves behind your head and we maybe get you a cell with a view. Extra incentive: it won’t include Spellectro or Arcade!”

“Think you’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?” Lyja snapped, then thrust her head forward, firing an eye-blast, not at Spider-Pony but at the mirror behind him.

Which he ducked, as she’d expected…then threw himself aside, out of it’s reflected path, which she hadn’t! Lyja hesitated, surprised, and even more so when her beam slammed back into her eyes, dazzling her. 

“Getting there,” Spidey’s voice came through the throbbing glow filling her vision, on her left. “Let’s review.” 

Lyja swung blindly, not even managing to charge her hoof, and felt a kick sweep her right hind leg out from under her. She toppled to the floor but managed to roll, trying to rub spots from her eyes. 

“For starters I know you favour your right.” 

Lyja lashed out in the direction of the taunt, rewarded with another strike from the opposite direction. The files said the Spider was fast, but—! 

“Psyche! Your left! Noticed that’s where you always scampered to avoid Argo stepping on you, which hoof you lead with, that kinda thing, so there’s a big ol’ blind spot right there. Oh, and on that note, now I know you can absorb your powers but it rattles the old noodle, huh?” 

“Shut up!” 

Lyja jumped to…her left, frell! But at least her vision was clearing. Spider-Pony had vanished again.

“I know you’re pretty proud of that eye move because you get this little sneer on your face every time you’ve fired it.” 

Lyja backed up, growling with frustration, one hoof clasping her saddlebags strap.

“And I figure it’s gotta take a lot out of you, because not only have you resorted to talking after a couple shots (I can relate, believe me), you’ve been out of breath. Hey, we do this long enough maybe I can get your recharge time down, then we’ll have some fun!” 

Lyja sprang around a corner, firing three furious blasts from her hooves, shredding the webbing covering the hall in front of her. Nothing but smoke, mirrors, and the chemical smell of burning webbing. 

“♪Now I know you’ve got a tempeeeer!♪”

Lyja galloped forward, making the mirrors around her flicker with green and purple. 

“What else, what else…? Oh! I know you’re a cat person!” 

Lyja skidded to an outraged halt. 

“Well, I mean, you Skrulls can become basically anything and you’ve turned into one twice now. But I’ve been fighting shapeshifters since high school, so that’s cheating. Only so many times a guy can almost kill you with a hammer he made out of his hooves before you figure he really likes hammers, y’know?” 

She’d juked and jived down each hallway and…wound right back where she started, that damn voice following her the entire time. Arcade swivelled in his chair to stare at her. Lyja spun to the lounge entrance but it had been webbed up. Not that she wanted to share space with that statue again anyway…

“Oh, this oughta impress: you can’t use lasers and shape shifting at the same time, can you?” 

Lyja whirled, eyes crackling. Where was he? He had to be using the ceiling, but his voice was bouncing from everywhere. 

“Thought so! And that’s just after, what, less than ten minutes? Not bad, huh?” 

“I’ll give you that,” Lyja snarled. She rounded on Arcade, powering up her hooves. “But I know all I need to know about you too!” 

Arcade screamed as she fired! And also because a web-line whistled from around a corner to tug him out of her way! 

Lyja fired in its direction and Spider-Pony let out a satisfying exclamation of pain as he was driven, smoking and crackling, into the mirror he’d been crouched on, tumbling to the floor. As he tried to roll back up, Lyja became a jaguar—no, a snake!—and charged, headbutting him down the corridor to slam into the mirror separating them from the casino room. 

When he managed to raise his groggy head, Lyja was rearing over him and filling her eyes with power for a point-blank blast out of pure spite. 

“Ssssurprissssed?” she hissed with satisfaction. 

“Lil’ bit,” Spidey admitted woozily, “but you’re not gonna do it.” 

“Sssssssurely you jesssst!” 

Spidey’s tail rose to her eye level and she froze, staring. A folder of documents was dangling from it. She swivelled her snake head to her saddlebags, morphing back to normal out of shock. He must have lifted it! But when?! 

“We…I don’t need…” she stammered. “Not all of…”

“Figured!” 

Spidey fired twin web from his hooves to tie her forelegs together, sending her tumbling to the floor, then he was dancing all around her, weaving more until she was practically facing back to front, the folder still held in his tail. 

“But I also figured you wouldn’t go to all the trouble of snagging these if they weren’t important. And hey, lookit all the time it bought me!” 

He leaned down, one lens narrowed, the other raised like an eyebrow. “Which makes me wonder what you need real estate for so badly. And I know it’s not because you need to stay in the Torch trapping business, not if you’re sabotaging yourself.” 

Lyja’s eyes went wide, too stunned at how quickly this had turned around on her to think of trying for an eye-blast yet.

“So what’re you really up t--” Spidey began, then his head whipped up. 

Almost at the exact same instant the casino mirror behind him exploded. 


22


Johnny groaned, more from queasiness than pain. 

He’d finally been unwound from Absorbing Pony’s chain, slammed and tossed through so many tacky Murderworld sets he couldn’t remember flaming off, even though he must have because he couldn’t get it together enough to flame back on…

Also, he’d landed on something lumpy and smelling faintly of baby powder?

“hEy PaRtNeR…” Peter groaned under him. 

Johnny rolled off him to deliver an affectionate put down but froze as he almost came face to face with Lyja, sprawled on the floor and hog tied with webbing. Their nonplussed expression were almost identical. 

“Wow…you actually pulled it off…” 

“Shut up!” Lyja snapped. Was she blushing? 

“What was with the lawn dart impression?” Spidey asked as they both scrambled back to all fours. He looked over his shoulder. “Oh.” 

“Yep,” Absorbing Pony smirked, casually walking towards them. His horn was glowing, something dangling just over his shoulder. Johnny’s vision was still too janky to make out what just yet. 

“Not gonna pick up your trash?” he stalled, idly kicking the wrecking ball where it sprawled just by his hoof. 

“Takin’ some out,” Absorbing Pony grinned. “You two.” 

“We got that,” Spidey agreed, sinking into a fighting crouch. 

“But I’m gonna do it in style.” Crusher held up what he was levitating. “Look what I found.” 

Johnny shook his head to clear his vision even further and partly because he couldn’t quite believe it. It was…yeah. Must be. Doc Argo’s plaque, that quote from the Shamrock Runes guy he’d been moaning about. 

Doc Argo’s real gold plaque. 

“Oh boy,” he and Spidey said in sync. 

“Yup.” 

Absorbing Pony took the plaque in his mouth by a corner and actually bit down on it, lighting up the immediate area of the mirror maze like a malevolent lava lamp as his body shimmered like liquid and hardened into solid gold. 

“Did he just—?” Spidey asked in disbelief. 

“Yeah,” Johnny muttered as they backed up and Crusher stalked towards them. “Hate it when they’re cool…” 

Absorbing Pony whooped, lowering his head and charging them, light gleaming off the tip of his now razor sharp golden horn. Spidey dived aside but Johnny hesitated mid crouch. Lyja was beside him, still in Crusher's path...

Johnny spun, bringing up his forelegs like the Thing had taught him but the dude was solid gold. His body rang as he was bowled down the corridor, almost playfully. He felt the floor shaking as Absorbing Pony galloped after him. 

Crusher cried out, coming up just short of running Johnny over: Spider-Pony had leapt onto his back and fired webs over his eyes. The Web-Slinger scrabbled to stay on as he bucked and trashed, finally forced to flip off as he rammed backwards into some mirrors. 

Crusher ripped the blindfold from his eyes, hesitating as Spidey poured on even more webbing around his hooves and shoulders. He gave the little pest an unimpressed look and practically shrugged, shredding all of it.  

“You didn’t really think that’d work, right?” he scoffed. 

Spidey shrugged, backing up. “Hey, you've got your gimmick, I got…mine.” 

They both hesitated at a sound and smell, so quiet they hadn’t noticed it at first but so sudden they couldn’t not now. The Absorbing Pony turned, then looked down at his hooves when he couldn’t. They throbbed molten orange, smoke curling up from the floor around them. 

“Right idea,” the fully ignited Horseshoe Torch smirked, “wrong medium.” 

He was hugging the floor, his forehooves pulsing in place like ocean currents. Burning like an industrial furnace, at the exact right temperature to, say, meld gold in place. 

“No fair!” Absorbing Pony bleated, trying to pull himself loose. He yelped as he almost tipped himself over but was stopped by how firmly he’d just been welded to the floor. He was forced to hunch low, dragged froward slightly by one frozen leg, like a skater trapped in mid-prat fall. 

“That’s what makes it so great,” Johnny teased, hovering above the floor now his work was done. He glanced over his shoulder at the still trapped Arcade, then peered around Crusher and Spidey to take in the prone Lyja. “That make four.” 

“Three,” Spidey corrected. 

“Nah, I took care of Argo.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, what am I, you? This is so sweet! All we need to do is mop up Titania and whatshisface and my licence is as good as--”

“SPELLECTRO!”

There was a flash of obnoxious yellow light behind them and Absorbing Pony’s wrecking ball, crackling with electricity, smashed against a mirror above them, forcing them to duck from showering shards. The two whirled to follow the ball as it raced back to its new owner: a twitchy green and yellow ball of neurosis who was having a bit of a moment. 

“Eeeeeeverypony forgets about Spellectro!” Angry power forked out of his body, raising him off the floor, the ionised ball flexing in time with the power leaking out of his eyes. “Everypony just walks all over good ol’ Spellectro!” 

“Uh, Max…” Spidey began. 

“SPELLECTRO!” 

The ball slammed down, denting the floor between them. 

“Uh oh,” Spidey murmured out the corner of his mouth. “He’s having one of his episodes.” 

“That's a thing?” Johnny asked, ducking as the ball whipped over his head. 

“Oh yeah.”

“Suggestions?” 

Spidey back flipped up onto the protesting Absorbing Pony’s shoulders as Spellectro whip cracked the ionized ball at him, ruining Argo’s floor even more. “Positive reinforcement, maybe.”

“No promises. Can probably demagnetize him with the right temperature.” 

“He’s not technically magn--”

“STOP TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I’M NOT HERE!”

The heroes leapt back as Spellectro crashed the ball into the walls, ceiling and floor in an attempt to smash them and the immediate world, nodded to each other, turned, and sped off down the maze in a tactical retreat. 

“That’s my ball!” the chagrined Absorbing Pony bellowed as Spellectro raced past him, smashing everything in sight with it. 

Arcade yelped and hollered as the chase reached him, the Torch grabbing the back of his chair to push him in front of them, its shrieking castors adding just the right final touch to the tableau and this day in general. 

“Okay,” Spidey winced, ducking on Spider-Sense and avoiding having his head knocked off, “our entrance is this way, so we just have toDUCK!” 

Johnny flamed off to hit the deck faster, shoving Arcade on ahead and hopefully out of range. He felt the crushing power of that stupid, stupid ball rushing over their heads, bruising the air and tainting it with Spellectro’s ozone smell, and felt the entire world shake with thunder. 

It broke Spellectro out of his mania, making him pull up short to hover behind them as they all stared up at what he’d hit. 

It was the giant steel reinforced mirror out onto the river. Of course it was. 

As heroes and villains watched, the wrecking ball shook in the centre, cracks punching out of its epicentre. Spellectro’s lightning danced out of it and into the glass, causing different cracks as it began to hit the beleaguered stuff.  The entire structure of the mirror maze screamed in metallic agony, mirrors, entrances or not, fracturing, some even bursting. Two accusing fingers of Horseshoe Bay water stabbed out of the portal and down into the corridor, covering the floor in seconds. 

“Uh oh,” Spellectro lamented. Then screamed as a third torrent slammed into him. 

Johnny ignited and rocketed into the air seconds ahead of electrocution, Spidey almost embedded in the ceiling from his own leap. Arcade was saved by his chair, hooves elevated above liquid death. Spellectro thrashed like a beached fish, then flopped, smoking, splashing down on his back in the rapidly rising water. His mask dissolved around his twitching eyes. 

“Well that’s five,” Johnny observed. 

“I think not.” 

Both heroes spun, hooves raised to fire flames and webs as Doctor Argonaut stomped towards them, one tentacle shaking webs free of its pincers. Lyja, now free, trotted sullenly alongside him. 

“Wow,” she observed, looking up at the still cracking portal, “you two really get things done, don’t you?” 

Spidey squinted. “Thanks?” 

“She’s not complimenting us,” Johnny said. He turned to Argo. “Alright Doc, how we do? Waste time fighting until we all drown or waste time teaming up and trying not to drown?” 

“Please,” Argo scoffed, scooping up the unconscious, greyed out and maskless Spellectro, “this more than suits my purposes. If I can’t have this lair, then nopony shall. I am simply here to collect my colleagues and leaves.” 

“You’re going nowhere,” the Torch snarled at Lyja, his epidermis darkening as his flames spiked. 

“Hate to contradict, babe,” she replied coolly, “but…”

“Gotta go with the Torch, Doc,” Spidey said, hopping onto one of the remaining mirrors as Argo handed Lyja a bubble helmet and slipped another over Spellectro’s head. “Clock might be ticking but what makes you think we’ll just let you waltz outta here?”

“Well, in lieu of any innocent lives…” Argo said conversationally, the corners of his mouth curling in what might have been a smile. 

“Crushy?!” Titania’s voice yelled from behind them. 

Spidey and the Torch turned to stare at each other. 

“And just so you don’t get any foolish ideas about following us,” Argo continued, one tentacle tapping his collar to seal his own helmet and another opening a mirror entrance, “Ms. Laser Lasher?” 

The two heroes lunged for him but were hammered backwards by twin purple beams. Johnny managed to roll with the impact as the water doused his flames, struggling towards the group. Another purple flash and he stopped short as the hidden tunnel filled with rubble.

“LYJA!” he roared through a gap. He could still see her, wading after Argo. She hesitated but secured her saddlebag instead of turning around. 

Johnny slammed his clenched hooves against the rubble, too wet to melt through, which would probably just bring the entire maze down on them all even faster. 

“Lyja!” he called over the roar of more water. “Meal ticket!”

Lyja froze. 

“Back in Canterlot! That Blueblood thing! You said I was your meal ticket! What did you mean?!” 

She turned back to him, staring. 

“What did you mean?!” Johnny repeated, steam rising off his body. He wasn’t even sure if she could still hear him. Water roared behind him. If he hadn’t been standing on a pile of rubble he’d have been treading in it by now. 

“Lyja?!” 

Lyja held his gaze. Johnny felt his temper evaporating. She looked so tired…

Then she adjusted her saddlebags one last time and sank into the water flooding the tunnel. Johnny saw the fins of some kind of aquatic shape rising out of her back as she went. 

For some reason, some feeling he couldn’t hope to name, he felt like just folding up and letting the water wash over him. He looked up, blinking, as a crack sprouted above him. Then another and another and—


***


A web-line hit his back and yanked him away, just as more rubble crashed down where he’d been standing, an even deadlier hammer of water seconds behind it. 

“Yeah,” Spidey grunted, shifting Johnny onto his back and crawling up the wall and onto the ceiling, “been there. Not fun.” 

“I was this close,” Johnny said numbly. 

“Next time, man. Now let’s make sure there is a next time, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Johnny agreed, shaking his head. He let go of Peter’s neck, flaming on as he dropped off and looking around. He couldn’t see the floor anymore, and chunks of surreal theme park debris were streaking past in the rising water. “Okay, that shaft we used is over thattaway, so what about…?” 

“Skeeter, seriously!” They turned at the Absorbing Pony’s voice. “I’d rather drown!” 

“Crushy, shut up!” Titania snapped. She was balanced on her hind legs on a chunk of floating rubble, somehow managing to stay above water despite the weight of her, her still golden husband who she was carrying upside down, and a chunk of floor still welded to his hooves that had come loose when she’d torn him free.

“You two get us outta here an’ we’ll come quietly,” she huffed as their raft bobbed beneath them. 

“Aww man,” Absorbing Pony moaned. 

“Crushy, shaddup!”  

“yes, honeybun.”

“I don’t deserve this!” Arcade yelled to the world in general as he bobbed past, still secured to his chair. Spidey snagged the back of it with a web-line, reeling the engineer in. 

“Alright, but how’re we getting everypony out?” 

“You know a certain balloon enthusiast of our acquaintance?” Johnny asked as he began to push Titania’s raft towards the shaft. 

Spidey squinted, towing Arcade. “…Pinkie Pie?”

“What’s a Pinkie Pie?” Titania asked. 

“The other balloon enthusiast,” Johnny said patiently as they entered.

“Oh, right.” Spidey looked up the shaft then at the Torch’s smirking face. “Oh! Right!” 


23


“Still don’t think you had to come along, Captain,” the Pegasus M.E.U.P. squad leader called over sirens, holding tight to her strap as their wagon took a hard turn. 

“I was in the neighbourhood,” Shining Armour called back, self consciously clutching his grocery bag tighter to his chest. 

“Hey, some force fields for whatever’s watin’ for us and half the paperwork? I ain’t complainin’.” 

Shining shared a smirk with her then looked down at the floor as he felt the wagon begin to slow and heard the siren die. Show time. 

He really had been passing through, on his way back to Peter and Johnny’s place on Yancy Street from that Gourmont place Candy liked, when he’d spotted an M.E.U.P. basketball game in a nearby court. 

That game Johnny and Rainbow Dash had been playing back in Ponyville had gotten under his skin, so he’d asked to join and had been about to sink a third basket when the call came in. Weird sightings by the docks, followed by weirder tremors underground, strange lights in some warehouse’s windows and out in the bay, which in Manehattan could only mean superheroes and therefore also anything. 

He lingered as the response team hut!-hut!-hut!-hut!-hut!-ed out of the wagon, so as to stash his groceries on a seat where they wouldn’t be damaged, and grabbed a spare helmet. Shame they couldn’t snag a spare breastplate, but he always felt the Manehattan branch’s were too showy anyway. 

“Alright, you ponies know what to do,” he called as he marched down the ramp to find them waiting for him. They began to take their formations. “Air team in yet? Alright, on cloud cover, I want us to have some fire suppressors just in case.” 

A tremor jolted the immediate area, sending officers swaying. 

“Back up!” Shining ordered as mist erupted out of every grate for the block. “We’re expanding the evac area at least another block but keep the cordon where it is! Eyes open, ponies!” 

“Captain!” called a Unicorn, pointing to the water. 

Shining followed her hoof and blinked. 

Like the leviathan bath toys of the gods, they rose, bobbing in their terrible carnival glory. The remains of merry- go-rounds, popcorn stands, rollercoaster tracks, dodgem carts, cartoon character heads… 

Shining looked down as something rattled his forelegs. He’d taken an unconscious step forward to take in the sight and was standing on a maintenance hatch. Which was spewing more steam and shaking violently. 

He sprang back, throwing up a forcefield and raising a hoof. “Hold!” he barked as the M.E.U.P. levelled various weapons.  

The hatch doors were blasted open by a fist of steam and a totem poll blur that almost bowled Shining over for its sheer impossibility. As he and the response team stared up at it water poured up out of the hatch and began to trickle around their hooves. 

Johnnycake, and of course it would be Johnnycake, gave him a smile and wink as his entourage sailed gently towards them. It consisted of a giant parachute made of webbing, which Johnny was hovering under, using his flames to fill it with hot air, held in place by Spider-Pony because this wasn’t going to be paperwork enough. 

Spidey was holding the parachute open, balanced on the back of a swivel chair containing the renegade engineer known as Arcade, balanced on the shoulders of the super-criminal Titania who was balanced on the shoulders of a miserable looking golden statue. 

Shining would be prepared to bet that was her husband and wasn’t sure how comfortable he should be that he'd managed to see some kind of logic in this situation as quickly as he had. 

The statue was welded to a chunk of flooring, which hovered inches above the waterlogged street as the entire menagerie swayed under the blazing Torch. Nopony said anything for a beat, leaving only the sound of startled gulls to fill the silence. 

“Y’know,” Spider-Pony said eventually, “if one of us was wearing a tie this’d make a heck of a New Yorker cartoon.” 


***


“I swear I’m not making any of this up,” Johnny said almost ten minutes later. 

“I know,” Shining Armour sighed looking at Horseshoe Bay, full of clown heads and soaked bouncy castles. He’d ordered a bunch of stuff for a nursery back in the Empire and he got the feeling it was going to feel depressing for a while.

The two stood in silence on a jetty, watching Pegasi trying to begin some kind of clean up operation. Shipping routes were being temporarily halted which was going down as well as could be expected, and all of this was before they could begin the arduous process of discerning how much of Murderworld’s wreckage was still dangerous. 

“You didn’t find the Skrull,” Shining said after a while. 

“Lyja,” Johnny said, watching a team of Unicorns mass-levitating a string of ghost train carts out of the water like a death metal conjuring trick. “No, but…” 

He hesitated. 

“I mean, nopony said anything about…” 

“No,” Shining said coldly, not looking at him. “You didn’t.” 

Johnny scuffed the edge of the jetty self-consciously.

“Do I want to know what the plan was?” Shining asked. “I mean, this is already going to be an all-nighter, least you could do is tell me what to leave out and risk my badge over.” 

“Hey, what? C’mon! You don’t have to do me any favours. Way you talked back in Ponyville, parliament doesn’t need any excuse to be all Derby Bugle about me.”

“About your…colleagues,” Shining corrected. 

“So pin it all on me! If it’s even that bad!” 

“If?” Shining blinked, turning to stare at him then further up the docks. 

Johnny followed his gaze. An M.E.U.P. squad was painstakingly trying to reflate a bouncy castle.

“I got you Arcade,” he said quickly, trying to turn up the charm. 

That made Shining hesitate. “Alright, keep going.”  

“You need more?” Johnny beamed. “How’s about Titania and the Absorbing Pony? Two Masters of Disaster in one day, and again, one of the most wanted magic-tech engineers in Equestria? Y’know I hate to state the obvious, but…wait.” 

He made a show of patting himself down, then sprang into the air, flaming on. “Now I’m on fire!” 

“You got witnesses?” Shining asked levelly. He gestured back towards the cluster of M.E.U.P. personnel and vehicles. “Because I do and all they saw was you, in the company of four…three super criminals and a vigilante, rising to the surface with all this toybox of broken dreams stuff. Fans or not, that’s part of what they’ll have to put in their reports.”

“So lean on the power couple,” Johnny suggested, shrugging, “they’ll play any ball game you want for a guarantee they’ll get locked up together.” 

“Even if they do tell the truth, and even if it’s flattering, that’s still not going to solve your problem.” 

“They’re gonna yank my licence?” 

“I don’t know,” Shining said simply, looking at the wreckage again. The Pegasi were trying to catch some of it in nets before it floated towards any bridges. 

“Can’t you do, I dunno, something?!” 

“I’ll do everything I can, man, but first and foremost I’ve gotta do my duty.”

“Which in this case is…?”

“Cleaning this up,” Shining sighed with a grim smile. “Then asking you to come in to answer some questions.” 

“And if I cooperate that’ll look good at the trial?” 

“Nopony said anything about a trial.” 

“Didn’t have to.” 

“I said you might have to face an enquiry.” 

“Same difference!” 

“Not necessarily. You’ve got a case, Johnny.” Shining waved a hoof at the remains of Murderworld in the bay. “It’s just that they do, too. The most they’ll be able to do is ground you for a few days until they figure out what exactly to do with you. Which might not be much.” 

Johnny squinted plasma sheathed eyes at him. “You were just talking about how this could ground every flyer in the business.” 

Shining shrugged. “They might do that, too.” 

“So I went through all of that and it might have been for nothing? I didn’t even nail Lyja!” 

“Was that why you did it?” Shining said sharply. 

They stared each other down. 

“Johnny,” Shining tried, patience grinding in his voice, “who is this woman?” 

“The absolute worst.” 

“To you. I remember back in school, you either bragged about the freaks you fight or you blew them off entirely. But you never went looking for any of them. If anything, the ponies gunning for your licence used to get by on the fact they came after you.” 

“It’s personal,” Johnny admitted, folding his forelegs and looking away. 

“Personal enough that you’ll fly fully lit in the subway, fill Horseshoe Bay with death traps, and have I mentioned that thing with the little fillies room?” 

“What you get up to in your own--” Johnny stamped down on the barb.

A beat. 

“I can leave it out of the report, man,” Shining said gently. 

“I already told you it’s personal,” Johnny huffed, glaring out at the water. “Tell them or don’t, it’s not like they don’t want to lock us all up with the Exquestrians and the Unknowns anyway.” 

“Some,” Shining admitted, “but if I was in their hooves--”

“You’d do your duty,” Johnny agreed, making eye contact now. “You’re a good pony like that. That kid’s gonna be lucky.” 

“Still angling for godfather?” Shining asked, smiling wryly. 

“Eh.” Johnny shrugged. “Given it some thought and I dunno, a jailbird? Could be a bad influence.”

“You’re not going to jail, man.” 

“I’m maybe gonna be stripped of my right to fly.” Johnny flamed off, landing with an appropriately dull thunk on the jetty. “Might as well be.” 

“Even if they did pull your licence I’d still insist on some kinda provision,” Shining explained. “You and the Fantastic Family work with us, maybe it’d just be on the job but anypony in command would be a fool not to let you in the air!” 

“Oh, sweet,” Johnny smiled bitterly, “so I don’t just get to be a dog on a leash, I get to be a flying dog on a leash.” 

“Johnny…”

“A balloon animal, basically.” 

“You are so lucky Rarity isn’t here,” said somepony above them. Both ponies spun, then looked up. Spider-Pony waved casually from where he was perched on a warehouse roof. 

“I thought you swung off,” Shining said diplomatically. 

“He sticks to things,” Johnny said with a solemn nod. “It is literally all he's good at.”  

“Hey, somepony had to see if they could track down Argo and the goon squad while you two were staring star crossed into each other’s eyes.” 

“And did you?” Shining asked. 

“No…” Spidey admitted. “But, clumsy me, I felt this, this weight, y’know, holding me down, back, even, and it was odd because Johnny wasn’t there—”

“I hold you, back?” The Torch stared in a swageriffic stupor, re-ignting from outrage. “I hold you back?! The word superhero wouldn’t even exist without me and I hold you back?!”

“—and I realised I was carrying this.” Spidey held out his tail to Shining. The insult contest died in Johnny’s throat when he saw Lyja’s folder still hanging there. 

“And this is…?” Shining asked, carefully levitating it out of the Web-Head’s sticky tail hairs.

“The last of Arcade’s archive.” Spidey waved a hoof at the wreckage. “The last dry part, anyway. Y’know, the list of properties Johnny risked his life to find, in full coordination with, say, the captain of the royal guard and the embodiment of the E.U.P. itself?” 

A beat as Shining froze halfway through reading. 

“That…might be a Mr. Fantastic worthy stretch.” He glanced between them then smiled at Johnny. “But add it to your arrests and it would earn you some serious merit badges.” 

Johnny raised a blazing eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Don’t get the wrong idea,” Shining clarified, eyes on papers but waving a hoof at the bay, “you still can’t burn the kingdom down just to get back at your ex, but this would turn it from flooding the bay with debris to shutting down Murderworld.”   

“And I could keep my licence?” 

“It’d still be up for review but there’s some very interesting names on these deeds, so wear the right tie and mind your manners…” Shining trailed off, smirking.

A beat. 

“I’m too excited to flame off,” the Torch said to Spidey, “hug him for me.”

“Vigilante,” Spidey pointed out. 

“Which is why I’m gonna have to get very creative with where exactly this came from,” Shining said, waving the folder as he marched off, “assuming nopony saw you hand it to me. Besides, Johnny’s clingy and I’ve got ice cream melting in one of these wagons. One of you show up at E.U.P. Plaza tomorrow to answer some questions and we’ll consider things…yoooou’re both gonna be gone when I turn around, aren’t you?” 

He turned. The only thing to meet his gaze was another floating clown head. 

“Superheroes,” Shining muttered, trotting back towards his comfort zone. 


24


“—already, I’m going,” Peter Trotter chuckled, stepping out of Twilight’s portal. “Hey honey, I brought some…wine…”

He blinked almost in time with the portal closing beneath him in a flurry of pink and purple sparkles. It wasn’t uncommon for one of them to be passing through when they jumped, but he hadn’t been expecting Twilight to be waiting for him like a beguiling but nervous sphinx statue, missing a twin to frame a temple doorway. 

“Oh, hi.” 

“Hi,” she breathed. 

“Did you change your mane…?” 

“Yes! Just…seemed like it should be an option.” Twilight ran a hoof through her new ’do, probably courtesy of those spa twins. “Uh, I thought we could eat on the balcony, catch the sunset. Shouldn’t be too cold.” 

“Sounds good,” Peter agreed. He patted himself down with one hoof, then realised he couldn’t find what he was looking for because it was in his other hoof and held it up. “Uh, I brought along this Wakandian wine?” 

“You went to Wakanda?” Twilight squinted, beckoning him through into the hall. “It can’t have been that long.” 

“Oh nah, nah, uh, the FF gets a bunch every holiday,” Peter explained, following her upstairs. “Johnny’s metabolism means he’d have to mainline Dr. River’s airship fuel right out of the tank to get a buzz, so he’s fine lending us his. Only accepts it out of politeness anyway.” 

“Well, and because he lives to receive.” 

“Hah! Rainbow Dash?”

“You learn to recognise the logic, yes,” Twilight smiled, telekinetically opening a door…onto what seemed to be a laundry room. “Ugh! I should start leaving trails of breadcrumbs…” 

“You’d probably wind up with Fluttershy’s birds all over the…” Peter trailed off, sensing something. Not the Spider variety but a back of the neck feeling. 

He turned, managing to catch Spike’s eye before the dragon hastily pulled shut the door he’d been peering out from. Peter could swear he could hear the patter of scaly feet and whispering, bickering voices.

“Uh, will Spike be…?” 

“He’s got his paws full,” Twilight enunciated, voice calmly raised enough to cover most of this floor. “Rainbow Dash and Rarity came down with something, so Spike is very kindly looking after them.” 

“Cool,” Peter decided. 

“Mmm, our entrées will be if I can’t find that stupid… Ah, here we go!” 

Twilight beamed in triumph as she finally found the right antechamber door. Peter wondered, as he had many times over the past few weeks, if they should discuss the possibility that rooms in this new castle maybe…moved. Or were moved. Implying some kind of intelligence. Like the sort that governed that fancy new map. 

He looked out onto the balcony, a perfect diorama of Ponyville and most of the surrounding countryside framed by crystal arches and railings, and let it go. The table could have come from a portrait. 

It made him feel far from home the way Ponyville always did, not in a bad way. It was just hard not to doubletake at their untouched meal laid out the way it was. You’d never get that back in Manehattan. It was impossible not to think of pigeons devouring the food and flying off with the silverware. 


***


Peter pulled out Twilight’s chair for her, smiling as she telekentikally pulled out his, and poured her a glass from the bottle. 

“Thank you,” Twilight trilled then coughed as he made his own arrangements. “Uh, there was something you wanted to ask me?” 

“There was?” He blinked at her. “Oh! That. Did I mention it?” 

“Uuuuuh…” Twilight Sparkle, three-year Gifted Unicorns junior debate club winner, said, staring into infinity. 

“Eh, it can wait.” 

Twilight blinked. “It…can?”

“Well, I mean…” Peter adjusted his chair for something to do, trying not to blush. “Y’know, don’t wanna come off all…” 

“Oh, sweetheart,” Twilight assured, reaching across to take his hoof, “of course you wouldn’t!” 

“Just figured it’s the sort of thing you should work up to. Y’know. If you’re gonna ask.”

“It’s a huge decision.”

“No kidding!” 

Twilight smirked. “From Spider-Pony himself? That’s a first.” 

“That Princess Twilight’s got a few zingers of her own,” he retorted. He obliviously missed the cue to gaze into each other’s eyes by inhaling some scent wafting off his plate. “Sun and moon, that smells expensive. I mean good, good! Just wasn’t, uh, expecting…” 

“Oh, well, it was going to be a bit more…low key, yes but, ah, well, I got the feeling you…that is we, we, that we had something important to discuss!” Twilight’s wings adjusted themselves nervously. “Which is why the dessert is, ah, also pretty…expensive and good.”

Peter frowned, concerned. “Are you sure about this?” 

“About what…?” Twilight asked distantly going rigid. 

“Y’know, this.” Peter gestured to the table then waved to include the castle. “I mean…you’re already…ugh, how to put it…”

“Yes,” Twilight croaked, then cleared her throat, trying to get her voice back without throwing off her new mane style. “Uh, yes, yes indeed! Put it however you wish! I’m not going anywhere!” 

“Well…” Peter rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “I know I’m the last pony to talk, but since your library got...since what happened to it happened, are you sure you should splash out like this? Not that I don’t appreciate it!” he amended hastily. “But you and Spike, you’re okay for money, right? This just all looks catalogue grade and those lectures--”

“Oh, those are a while away, but no, we’re good, we’re good,” Twilight assured. “Worse comes to worse I’ll swallow my pride and hit Shining and Cadence up for a loan, but we have Rarity to thank for this evening.”

Peter looked down at the spread. Ribbons on the forks. Embossed sliver dishes. Bejewelled bottles for the ketchup and mustard. He should have known. 

“That was nice of her.” He smirked, making Twilight giggle. “Wonder what happens if I switch these forks around.”

“You fillystine!” came from one of the upper turret’s windows, followed by an “Urk!” of a 24-year-old mare being irritably yanked inside. 

“Thanks, Dash,” Peter called, not taking his eyes off the snickering Twilight. 

“You just watch yourself, homewrecker,” she called back. Shutters above them were slammed shut with a slightly undermining tinkle of crystal. 

“They worry,” Twilight said gently. 

“We have that in common,” Peter agreed. He offered her the breadbasket and took his own once she’d levitated hers. “Do they…know?” 

“Maybe,” Twilight said diplomatically, paying a lot of attention to how to butter her roll. “It’s been…a day. Lot on our minds. Do you want to talk about what you were going to tell me this afternoon after dinner, or…?” 

“Uh, that can wait a while,” Peter said a bit too quickly. “Though, uh, there was something I wanted to ask, since you, uh, asked.” 

Twilight blinked, confused at that wording. “Okay…?”

“Meant to bring it up before now. Actually.” 

“Really?” Twilight squeaked, accidentally dipping her knife into some marinara sauce instead of her butter, though to be fair that was not a bad thing to cover a roll with. 

“Just didn’t want you to feel like you were being pressured into anything, was all.” 

“That’s very considerate,” Twilight smiled. 

“Well, it’s not the sort of thing you just ask, y’know?” 

“I understand completely.” 

“That’s what makes you so great,” Peter smiled. He took a fortifying sip of wine. “…mmm! Uh, but since you seem so open—”

“Well, I might not go that far,” Twilight amended, feeling her cheeks flush. 

“—then I guess I can just come out with it and ask?”

Twilight looked into his eyes, trying to draw strength from them, blinked, and then blinked some more in surprise as the light changed. She turned with him, realising her eyes had not somehow done anything to the light. Celestia was lowering the sun, the sky fading into relaxing infernal shades of magic reaching through the atmosphere and tenderly revolving the planet. 

Soothing shadows sprouted across Ponyville like patches of grass and every facet of the castle crystal around them glistening like school children released to play. 

“Wow,” Peter observed. 

“Tell me about it,” Twilight smiled. 

“This place really is something else.” 

“And we’ll always have a place with each other here. No matter what. I need you to know that.” 

He looked at her quizzically. “Is everything alright?” 

“I think it will be,” Twilight decided. “You can ask me if you’d like, or I could…?”

“Nah, a stallion should finish what he starts,” Peter said, a bit cavalierly to her mind. At least he took her hoof. 

“Okay…” he began, then shut his eyes. “Agh, y’know, even without those three upstairs I’d still be worried everypony’s gonna think I’m gold digging.” 

“Who gives a flying feather what other ponies think?” Twilight declared. 

She felt strong enough to gallop clean through the hull of a battleship and out the other side. If he was taking it this calmly then it truly was going to be okay. 

“Ask me, Peter! Ask me!” 

“Er, okay.” Peter blinked, then beamed. “I’m sure Aunt May’ll appreciate the enthusiasm!”

“Ah,” Twilight said guiltily, ears folding. She hadn’t thought about the kindly old pony, and if Peter would have told anypony…gosh, what if that was May's ring? Agh! 

“So how about it?” 

She blinked at him. 

“I beg your pardon?!” she said, feeling a flabbergasted wormhole inside her ripping open from the sheer unbelievable, casual, gormless smile on his stupid, beautiful face.

“You…don’t seem as enthusiastic as you were a second ago…?” 

“A little, you know,” she waved a flustered hoof, “pageantry wouldn’t go amiss! Even if I am gonna say no!”  

“You are?!” 

“It’s the responsible thing to do, darling, I’m sorry!” 

“Oh, I…I see,” Peter agreed, ears drooping so hard they dragged her heart down with them. “Totally understand. Wouldn’t want to burden you, your girls do enough for Equestria.” 

“I’m not saying never!” Twilight assured. “Just, we’d need to think things through, you know?” 

“I guess the paperwork’d take a while…”

“For starters, yes.” 

“She wouldn’t get in the way, if that’s what you’re worried about?” 

A beat. 

“Who?” Twilight said, carefully and Antarctically.

“Aunt May,” Peter clarified, “obviously.” 

Another beat. 

“Obviously?” Twilight repeated, marvelling at this new, unexplored terrain. She couldn’t believe this. Snobs like Blueblood always made cracks about Earth Ponies but Great Pony in the Sky, what in the flying feather…maybe it was some kind of insane Manehattanite thing? 

“Honey, your eyes are glowing,” Peter said, smiling rigidly, backing away as their table and cutlery and even the wine in their glasses began to rise into the air, violin string humming and glowing seething magenta. “We talked about this!”

“Peter,” Twilight said, trying to stop her voice crackling with power, “what are you talking about?” 

He blinked up at her, then pointed to a patch of Ponyville houses a little up the road from the castle. 

“I was…hoping it’d be okay if we…maybe…moved Aunt May out here? Sometime? Y’know, if she’d be down with it! I’m-I’m making decent money now and everything but, y’know, heh, real estate, we’d probably have to go halfsies, but she’s always gotten on with Applejack’s grandmother so I figured--” 

He clamped his mouth shut in the face of Twilight’s popping, pure white eyes. She involuntarily cut off the magic that had been raising her and the scenery around her, dropping to the floor, Peter flinching at the sound of clanging tableware. 

“Twilight?” he squeaked eventually as the sky began to turn Luna purple. “Sweetheart?” 

“That’s what you wanted?!” 

Only the balcony railing and Peter’s wall-crawling saved him from being blown straight off and possibly all the way to the mountains by the Royal Canterlot Voice. Twilight slapped mortified hooves over her mouth and started at him. A few house lights had flicked on in town, ponies hesitating in their half-closed doorways. Strange, startled animal noises echoed up out of the Everfree. 

“I mean…that’s it?” Twilight managed. “That’s what…?” 

Peter shrugged. 

“That’s it?!” 

“I don’t know anymore,” Peter said to the universe in general. 

“Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a feather plucking minute here!” Rainbow Dash snapped, bolting out of the arch behind them. She stabbed an accusing hoof at Peter. “So what the hay was all that?!” 

“What was what?!” Peter squawked. 

“The ring, you stupid stallion!” Rarity snapped, galloping up behind Dash, a helpless Spike jogging after them, clutching a box of tissues and some blankets. “That cursed gewgaw in your saddlebag, the one that’s had your special somepony out of her considerable mind with worry all day, and got us showered in freezing cold mountain water! That’s what’s what!” 

“What?!” Peter snapped. 

“Mind like a steel trap!” Dash barked, rounding on Twilight. “I totally get what you see in him!” 

“Hey, anypony up for some soup?” Spike asked, spinning on his heel. “Canterlot, huh? Well, it’s expensive, but only the best for you guys!” 

He skidded to a halt as a purple glow surrounded the doors in front of him. 

“Nopony’s going anywhere,” Twilight declared, trembling. “We’re settling this now.”

Dash and Rarity exchanged glances, realising they probably shouldn’t be running around in their condition and that doing so had invalidated said condition as an escape option, but also that they were too mesmerised by this plotline not to see it through. 

Twilight conjured the ring box and flipped it open. 

“Alright,” she said with as much calm as she could manage. “If you weren’t going to ask me…something big tonight, then what the ever-loving hay is this for?” 

Peter almost ripped his face in half trying to stare at her, the guilty looking trio in the archway, and the infernal, sun blasted engagement ring all at once. 

“…did you go into my saddlebag?” he asked eventually, the question clearing his face. He didn’t look angry as such but not a happy camper. 

“Please answer my question first, dear,” Twilight said levelly. “What is this for?” 

“It’s Duke’s,” Peter said simply. "Duke Cage's." 

A beat. 

Rarity sneezed and flushed with embarrassment as everyone turned to her. 

“Wait,” Dash realised. “Wait, ya mean…ya mean whathisface, the yellow dude? The Power Zebra? Hoof for Hire?” 

“Yeah!” 

“What the flying feather--” Dash began. 

“It’s not for him!” Peter snapped, then shut his eyes. “I mean, me! It’s not… We are definitely not…okay, okay, everypony shut up!”

“Nopony was tal—” Dash began to snap but stifled it, nostrils and mouth shuddering. “—taw-ta-tagh-hagh-agghhh--”

Twilight quickly levitated her napkin into the Pegasus’ face. Dash sneezed gratefully. 

“How did you find it?” Peter asked, managing to keep some kind of composure. 

“There was a, uh, a little slip up,” Spike winced. “I knocked your bag over and it just fell out. Sorry, man.”

“It’s nopony’s fault, Spike,” Twilight soothed. She levitated the box onto the table and walked up to Peter, putting a hoof on his shoulder. “So it’s not for me, glad we cleared that up. I’m sorry, dear, but you can understand why finding something like that in your saddlebag…?”

“There’s…only so many conclusions to come to,” Peter agreed, nodding and sighing. 

He glanced between Dash and Rarity, coming to his own conclusions and utterly devoid of sympathy for either of them, then his gaze settled on Spike and softened. 

“Okay.” He took a breath then knocked back half his wine glass. He thumped his chest to help it down. “Oooookay. First, no, that ring is not for me. It’s not for anypony on this balcony. Second, it’s for Duke Cage. It’s his ring. I’m just holding it for him.” 

“So who is it for?” Rarity asked, instinctively seizing some ripe gossip. “I say! Not…not that fellow, you know the one, with the chest tattoo?!” 

“Wait, what?!” Dash burst out. “Y’mean Mr. Hi-yagh ?!” she mimed judo chops, a little more comedically professional because she could actually do them. “Mr. Unto A Thing of Iron?!” 

“No,” Peter said, fighting down a laugh. “Uh, you guys ever meet Jasmine Jewels?” 

“Oh, the detective with the…colourful vocabulary?” Rarity realised. 

“That’s our Jazz,” Peter said carefully. 

“Awww!” Rarity cooed, clasping her hoof to her chest. 

“So wait,” Dash snapped, “why’re you cartin’ it around?” 

“Because,” Peter sighed patiently, “she'd see through Dandy, that is, Iron Hoof and Matt…uh…”

“Who is not Deerdevil,” Rarity deadpanned, rolling her eyes. 

“Rarity,” Twilight admonished gently. 

“Yeah,” Peter resumed, “them, or the Daughters of the Dragon, or anypony in their mutual circle that Cage hangs out with all the time. He wants to surprise Jazz and what was I gonna do, say no?” 

Twilight blinked. “They must trust you a lot.” 

“Well, I’ve teamed up with practically everypony in the city, soooo…” Peter shrugged.  

A beat, so long and quiet they could all hear night time Ponyville happening behind them, the sounds of shuttering businesses and tavern music, even the chugging of the late evening train pulling in. 

“Cool?” Spike tried eventually. 

“Oh thank sun and moon,” Twilight breathed, sagging against the railing. Peter gripped her shoulders to steady her as they began to shake hysterically. “Ahaha! No, no, it’s okay, it’s okay, just…whoo!” 

“So…” Rarity ventured because somepony had to make certain, “this pony would know if her special some…zebra…was about to propose if she thought any of their friends were acting—”

“Like crazy ponies?” Peter suggested acidly, hugging a giggling Twilight. Dash sneezed before she could call him something rude in retaliation. 

“—aheh, yes,” Rarity continued neutrally, “so to make sure she doesn’t suspect anything, Mr. Cage entrusted his ring to you because you’re, uh, a ubiquitous figure in your community and it would never occur to Ms. Jewels you’d be carrying such a secret on her behalf. That’s what’s happening?”

“Pretty much,” Peter agreed, nodding. 

“Wow,” Dash decided. “So, wait, this dude hasn’t told anypony he’s gonna pop the question?”

“Not yet,” Peter clarified, stroking Twilight’s mane. “He’s…that’s it, honey, let it aaaall out, he’s told Iron Hoof but he can be a bit…”

“Fortune cookie,” Dash supplied. 

“Totally. So even if he did say anything Jazz would have no reason to think he wasn’t being anymore…that than usual.” 

“It all sounds so simple, put like that,” Rarity said distantly. She sneezed again. “Um. We—mostly Rainbow Dash—may owe you an apology for assuming certain things.”

“Hey, you’re the one with the swan costume, crazy filly.” 

“The what?” Peter squinted. Twilight laughed even harder.  

“We’ll give you guys a minute!” Spike decreed, taking both Dash and Rarity by the tails and getting the hay out of there. Both were so surprised he was actually doing it they trotted backwards after him. 

“Thanks,” Peter smiled wryly as they vanished into the hall, which was lighting itself slightly. They really were gonna have to examine how this place worked sometime. 

Twilight sighed with exhaustion, laying her head on his shoulder. He stroked her mane, sinking them both down to sit against the railing while she got her breath back.


***


Eventually he snagged her glass of wine with a web-line and proffered it to her. “You’re gonna wanna hydrate.” 

“Good idea,” Twilight agreed, taking it in her hoof as her horn glowed, altering its molecular structure into a healthier water option. 

“New spin on an old trick?” Peter asked, eyebrow raised. 

Twilight made a muffled, non-committal noise as she took a sip. Her horn flickered again, igniting the dimmed candles on the table, though Luna’s moon was giving them plenty of light to see by. 

“It should probably still be good even if it’s a bit cold,” she said, getting to her hooves. “We can reheat it if you’d like? I just think we should--”

“Food’d help, yeah,” Peter smiled, taking his seat. “Mind if we talk with our mouths full? But we should talk.”

“Establish some things,” Twilight agreed. She enjoyed a mouthful of Istallion cuisine and dabbed at her lips with a napkin, feeling more like a person. A person capable of having important conversations. “Alright! First things first. I’m sorry for inadvertently snooping in your saddlebag and putting you through this.” 

“’Ey,” Peter began, showering his plate with debris. 

“Swallow, dear.” 

He did so. “Sorry. Yeah, no, it’s on me. I should’ve given you a heads up.”

“You live a busy life,” Twilight assured, winding some pasta around her fork for later. “I’m glad Mr. Cage feels he can trust you with something so important! And of course I’ll help with May, we’d be delighted to have her down here! She and Granny Smith can trade war stories, it’ll be great!” 

“You’re sure you’re bank account will be okay?” Peter asked. 

Twilight rolled her eyes. “I can hold off until we cash those lecture fees if you want, but yes. Have you talked to May about this move?” 

“She’s made it clear she wants to focus on F.E.A.S.T. but I think it’d be a good weekend home, something like that. Fresh air, and she could visit you guys whenever, and I know you’d keep her safe.”

“Absolutely. I promise.” 

They shared smiles. 

“Okay,” Peter sighed eventually. “Elephant in the room…”

“Little bit,” Twilight agreed. She took a sip of wine this time. “I…think I told you I wasn’t saying never. When I thought…you know.” 

Peter nodded. 

“And I meant it! I love you, I know you love me, but…”

“We’re not there yet,” Peter supplied. 

“Not yet,” Twilight emphasised gently. 

“Twilight, I promise you I’d never put you under that kind of pressure.” Peter took her hoof. “Not just out of the blue like that. And Celestia knows I’d wanna get my act together before even thinking about it!” 

“I like your act just the way it is now,” Twilight said, carefully emphasising. “Nopony at this table is beating themselves up tonight.” 

“Yes dear.” 

“I’m glad we agree, though. And I’m not saying never.” 

“Good to know,” Peter smiled. 

They shared a kiss, accidentally getting sauce on each other’s muzzles. 

“Now that that’s settled,” Twilight snickered, wiping hers away, “what was it you really wanted to talk about?” 

“Huh?” Peter blinked, halfway through a bite. 

“This afternoon,” Twilight elaborated, her tone making it clear that, proportionate agility or no, he wasn’t dodging this. “Something was bothering you. You promised we’d talk about if when you got in this evening.” 

“Oh. That.” 

Peter sighed. 

And told her. 

Twilight nodded along, carefully processing what he was telling her. It wasn’t hard, he was pretty upfront about what was going to be hanging over him for probably the duration. 

“Oh Peter,” she said gently, getting up to hug him. 

“It’ll be okay,” he sighed. “Listen, if you wanna talk about it with Spik and the others, that’s okay.” 

“I’ll let you know if I do. If you don’t want me to, that’s fine as well.”

“It’s okay. Just…” He looked out at the lights of Ponyville then right at her. “Please don’t tell Johnny, okay?” 

Twilight held his gaze, though she was surprised. 

“Okay,” she said. “If that’s what you want.” 

She was the Princess of Friendship. Chosen by the Tree of Harmony, tested and proved against ancient forces of Chaos and Darkness and Hunger, she even had a fancy addition to her degree from Celestia to hang in her new office and replace the one Tirek had incinerated.

But one of the things she’d learned about friendship and destiny was that it could be like a river. You had to let it take its own course. And you couldn’t necessarily change the direction of those intertwined things even if you wanted to…


25


“Hold it,” Johnnycake Storm commanded earlier that evening. 

“Whaaaaaat?” Spider-Pony moaned, pulling off his boots. 

“Firstly, if you’re not gonna shower at least use this,” Johnny said, tossing him an imported deodorant can. “No stinking up your Princess’ castle on my watch!”

“Did you get switched out with a Murderworld LMD?” Peter asked, half out of the costume. “You’re almost being nice. It’s terrifying.” 

“I can totally ignore the fact you did a halfway decent job if you’d like,” Johnny cooed sweetly, digging through the fridge. 

“Yeah, about that…” 

Peter kicked the last of his costume into the overflowing hamper that was the mark of their proud bachelorhood, one eye on his brother in in-fighting as he tried to negotiate the top off the deodorant. 

“There’ll be another time, man,” Johnny said without turning around. 

“Uh huh.” 

Johnny turned around. “Don’t you ‘uh huh’ me, young stallion!”

“Fine,” Peter decided. He finally popped the top loose, taking the grip in his mouth and spraying a translucent cloud to step into. He sniffed as he put the can on the side table. “I don’t smell anything.” 

“That’s the idea.” 

“I mean I don’t smell like anything.”

“Yeah, that’s the idea.” 

“What else are you looking for and if I run away to live with the Diamond Dogs will it still be able to find me?”   

“Good taste? Couldn’t find you with all the enchanted compasses in the world, bud.” Johnny emerged from the fridge gently cradling an elegant bottle, so sky magenta it was almost a plumy sort of black. “Luckily you’ve got the next best thing: me.” 

“What’s this now?” Peter held out a hoof, then adopted a deadpan expression as Johnny produced a rag from his utility collar and began to buff it. Once the bottle was in his spotless grasp he could scrutinize the label. “I, ah, can’t read this.”

“Yeah, we’ve established ya basic,” Johnny breezed, flopping down on the couch to flip through a kart racing magazine. “That, my dear plebeian, is a bottle of the best from the vineyard of the Wakandian royal family itself. So straighten that mane up when you stare at your stupefied reflection in it.” 

“Wow, for real?” Peter blinked. “And you’re giving this to me?” 

“I’m giving it to Twilight,” Johnny clarified without looking up from an article. “I mean, I didn’t just hold up her dinner date by a couple minutes, I’m actually letting it show up. Least I can do for the poor filly.” 

“Thanks, I was only half joking about that LMD thing.” 

“De nada.” 

Peter scrutinised the perfect ears and tuft of mane poking over the top of Kart Before. 

“Y’know she’d be willing to help out with your licence, right?” 

“Y’know her bother’s already putting his tail on the line for me, right?”

“That’s another thing, have you told Sue about any of this?” 

“I just got out of Murderworld, Pete.” 

“Yeah, but you survived the experience and you’ve got a fighting chance now.”

“So you don’t need to hang around and make me feel better, glad we cleared that up, have fun, roomie.” 

“So you’re totally fine?” Peter asked, raising an eyebrow and trying to fold his forelegs. The bottle was making it more elaborate than it had to be. 

“Pete,” Johnny said, half incredulously lowering the magazine and waving a demonstrative hoof at his face, “I work this profile everyday in restrooms and salons all across this great nation so that it can be seen from space. Entire industries are supported by my being the definition of fine.” 

“Fun fact, Argo’s place? I almost drowned in there.” 

Johnny stared at his roommate. 

“What am I supposed to say to that?” 

“You’re supposed to listen! Back when I was first starting out I had to…it was a whole thing. I got pinned under this insane amount of rubble. If May hadn’t been counting on me I’d still be under there. And today I saw you get nearly crushed in almost the exact same way because you were too busy calling your ex’s name to hear the sky falling on your head.”

“I don’t wanna think about her tonight, Pete, okay? I almost lost my licence and lot more over her, is one night so much?” 

They regarded each other in weary silence. 

“Yeah, fine,” Peter allowed. “But talk to Sue or somepony, okay?” 

“Shining’s report’ll be in her in-tray by now,” Johnny sighed with a sardonic smirk, “he’s efficient like that. So I’ll probably be hearing from her soon enough. In a way you’ll be able to hear out in the sticks, so get rolling already wouldja?”

“Fine,” Peter mocked sniffed, strutting melodramatically to the middle of the living room, “but I’m keeping this if you’re keeping the jewellery!” 

“Like you could afford my jewellery,” Johnny shot back as Peter glowed, slicing open the portal in time, space and their hardwood floor. 

There was knock at the door. 

Peter froze, hoof halfway into the swirling pink and purple radiance. 

“We need to get a buzzer,” Johnny muttered, springing off the couch and preening. 

“Wait,” Peter said quickly, still frozen as Johnny trotted across the room. 

“Why?” Johnny asked, half turning, one hoof on the handle, and swung it wide before Peter could answer. “He…llo.” 

A Dutch white mare with a rainbow mane blinked at him on their mat. She peered around him to meet a stupefied Peter’s gaze. 

“Yeah, hi,” Jonny breezed, causally leaning against the doorframe and putting on his third most charming crowd control act, “yes, I’m that Johnny Storm, that’s my roommate, and that’s a portal in the fabric of spacetime. We won’t tell the residents’ association if you won’t. What can we do for you, Ms…?” 

“Uh…” She brushed a non-existent messy strand of her mane. “Right, yeah, hello! Your name is Arura Sheen and I saved you!”

A beat. 

Arura squeezed her eyes shut. “Agh, I mean--”

“I think I gotcha,” Johnny chuckled reassuringly. He couldn’t stop looking at her mane, then realised it wasn’t entirely a Rainbow Dash thing as his brain finally processed her colour scheme. “Oh! Yeah! I remember! Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, absolutely,” Aurora assured, fidgeting with the bag he hadn’t realised she was carrying. “It’s just that, well, you saved me from that crazy mare or whatever she was? And I read in Under the Sun you lived out this way, and it’s on my way home from work so I figured…uh…”  

She nudged the bag towards him with her nose. 

“Thank you very much,” Johnny said automatically, bending down to inspect it. He blinked as Peter leaned over his shoulder. “Ice cream?”

“Yeah!” Arura flicked a foreleg in a stilted attempt at a casual gesture. “Y’know, ’cause you threw some at her?” 

“You threw ice cream at somepony?” Peter asked. He held out his free hoof to Arura. “Hi, Peter Trotter, I’ve gotta apologize, he was raised by a renegade pack of circus clowns.”

“And yet I’m still a better dresser than you,” Johnny smiled, flicking his tail sharply and forcing Peter to back up. “Thanks, really! How much?” 

“On the house,” Arura assured. 

“Your dairy won’t mind? I can hoof out a check, vouchers, actual coins, no problem. And you guys can keep the change!” 

“That’s very kind but I make these, actually,” Aurora beamed, then looked aside admonishing herself. “Ah, no, my family makes them. We make our own…everything. It was just my turn on sample duty today.” 

“And I’m sure you would have done it in style if I hadn’t butted in,” Johnny smiled. “I can pay for those samples, if--”

“You already did! More than they were worth, honestly! Did, ah, did you get her? The crazy lady? Was there a reason she had my hair?”

“Reason and Johnny don’t really go together,” Peter supplied from the living room. 

“Don’t mind him,” Johnny beamed stiffly, “he was just about to throw himself down a hole.”

“About that…” Aurora ventured, portal light dancing on her face.

“Visiting my girlfriend,” Peter smiled, holding up the Wakandian wine. 

“Your girlfriend is a hole? Or your girlfriend’s in the hole?” Aurora shook her head. “Gosh, I’m sorry, none of my business, it’s just…well, it’s not everyday you get saved by a superpony!”

“Yeah, sometimes you have to settle for Johnny. We’re sending a petition to city hall, they can’t keep ignoring constitutional violations like this.” Peter held up the wine in lieu of a sabre to rattle. “Take heart! As the old saying goes, the people united can never be ignited!” 

“Hey roomie, want some rocky road?”

“Uh, sure, why not.”

Johnny made a show of checking the bag. “Mmm, sorry, fresh out. How’s about a nice cup of lamptothehead?”

“…is that YakYakistanian?” 

“Local, actually,” Johnny smirked, picking up a lamp off the table. Aurora cracked up, mortified. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Peter smirked back, rolling his eyes. “Nice to meet you Aurora. Careful, he’s a crier.” Johnny yanked the power cord out of the socket. “Alright already, I’m going.” 

“He came with the place,” Johnny sighed, turning back to their guest as pink and purple glow faded. “Anyway! Thanks a lot, these look fantastic and I would know.” 

“I’m sure you get gifts all the time,” Aurora chuckled, waving an abashed hoof. “And much better than--”

“Well it’s not nearly as delicious, so you score a lot of points for originality. You sure you won’t take cash?” 

“I’d feel bad,” she smiled, shrugging. 

“And so would I if I just took these so hey, it’s Manehattan, how about we agree I do you a favour sometime?” Johnny let some sincerity mix with the charm in his smile. “Seriously, today’s been a day. This is a nicer surprise than you could know.” 

“In that case…” 

She bit her lip, a signal Johnny couldn’t not recognise if he’d take a barrel of radioactive waste to the eyes in a basement in the middle of a hundred years of eternal night. 

“It’s my day off tomorrow,” Aurora ventured. 

“What a coincidence,” Johnny smiled, “mine too.” 

It wasn’t, but he could annoy Sue and Reed into scrubbing him from any missions in his sleep. 

“Would you wanna maybe go do something? I usually just go jogging in the park but we could take in a show or something?”

“If you wouldn’t mind me flying off halfway through if something happens? I’d come right back!” 

“I’d like that a lot.” 

“And where might I be lucky enough to pick you up?” 

“Uh, got a—?” She blinked as he produced a pad and paper from his collar. 

“Autographs,” Johnny said simply. He looked over the address she wrote down and smiled. “Awesome. Can I just say, I love your mane? I know a slightly less crazy lady who has one just like it.”

“Oh?” Aurora looked guarded all of a sudden. 

“We went to school together,” he explained causally, “she hates my guts. Maybe she can tell you about it sometime.” 

“Sometime,” she smiled, relaxing. And implying she’d be down with the possibility of there being a sometime. 

“It’s a date,” Johnny smiled. “Walk you downstairs?” 

“It’s alright, you’ll wanna get that in the fridge,” Aurora assured, though she was hovering. “Thanks again, I don’t usually do things this way, but…well, you saved me.”  

And then she hugged him. He smiled, patting her back. 

“My pleasure,” he assured. “See you tomorrow?” 

“Count on it.”

Johnny watched her descend the stairs, turning to smile back at him before they took her out of sight. 

“Aurora Sheen,” Johnny said quietly to himself, shutting the apartment door and regarding the note she’d given him. 

It smelled faintly of Aurora’s mane and tail.

It smelled of peppermint. 


To be Continued