Emily Anderson groaned. Hardly five minutes ago, she was minding her own business, working on assignments for class. Much like what the author of this story should really be doing right now. Now, though?
She sat up, rubbing an eye. This was some kind of... spaceship? No, this looked too advanced to be a mere spaceship. Maybe some kind of holding chamber? A jail, maybe? Though, she hadn't done anything illegal... to her knowledge. And besides, there weren't any bars to be seen, so it probably wasn't a jail.
"Boo."
"Gah!" Emily scooted back from the black and red small horse thing that'd appeared in front of her. "What are you?"
"Name's Butter Knife. I'm an alicorn that you should maybe be afraid of. Listen, bucko, I have no idea where we are, what happened to us, or anything of the sort. When I woke up, there was this weird, disembodied voice shouting over the intercom. Couldn't really tell what was being said, though."
Emily raised a brow.
"You can't understand me, can you?"
"No, no, I absolutely understand you. It's just that the last time I encountered a talking horse, it didn't look anything close to... well, what you look like."
"Mm-hm," Butter Knife turned away. "And next, you're gonna say that you've actually got friends onboard, while I still have to make do alone."
"Emily?" A distant voice echoed down the corridor.
Emily looked up and squinted. "...Lisa?"
"Told ya."
"Emily!" Lisa repeated, running toward her friend. "Man, am I glad to see you! I woke up thinking that I got trapped in a simulation, but it turned out that that simulation was my life, but really it wasn't, and so I thought it was a dream, but it wasn't, and--"
"Okay, okay, geez," Emily nudged her friend away. "I get it. Another run-in with your whole simulation project stuff. Speaking of which, isn't there, like, another one of you or something? One that legitimately put herself in the simulations to escape some sort of trauma instead of dealing with it in a healthy way? I remember vaguely something about that, but I don't know where I remember it from."
"Huh?"
"Nevermind."
"You two blabber more than Ego Boost." Butter Knife grumbled. "You gonna start a podcast together or something, or are we going to actually figure out what's going on? I'm already getting sick of being around you t--"
"Actually," Emily cut in. "A podcast does sound like a pretty neat ide--"
Butter Knife smacked a hoof against the girl's mouth. "SHUT."
A distant crash caught the attention of the three.
Slicey Dicey lowered her hoof. "Oh... oh no... wait, hey narrator, you got my name wrong!"
Not sorry. So anyway, Emily was already in her attack stance, because she has one of those now apparently. Go take a look at Splintershard's cover art. That's what it looks like. Except she doesn't have her wand, 'cause that kinda went boom and disappeared in Splintershard, and at the moment of this chapter being written, she still hasn't gotten another one yet.
Also, Emi's a pony now, because that's also something that happened in Splintershard.
"Wait, what the heck?" Emily stared down at her hooves. "I... what? I thought I was human again?"
Bread Spread, tell Emi what's up.
"Again, it's Butter Knife. You didn't have any issue with it early on, so what gives now?"
Emily looked at Butter Knife weirdly. Now she knows what it must've been like for folks to watch her talk to Starlight.
"Shut up already, narrator. I run the show here."
Alrighty then, you've got the ropes.
"So. Emi, right? That's what you're called?"
Emily looked up from her hooves and nodded.
"You're a pony, Emi. For the sake of continuity with your story. Also, I can talk to the narrator."
"What."
"Nevermind. As for you, Lisa--keep being you. You're like Ego Boost but less annoying. Right now though, I think we all have a bigger problem to deal with."
The distant crashing grew a little louder.
Butter Knife facehoofed. "Oh dear me I hope it isn't Ego Boost..."
Guess what, Slicey Dicey?
"What? Oh... oh no, don't you dare--"
It isn't. It's Sweetie Giraffe!
"AM SENSE THE SMOLNESS." Sweetie Giraffe's voice boomed overhead. "WHERE THE SMOLNESS. MUST DESTROY."
A floating, disembodied hand materialized in front of Sweetie Giraffe, slapping her across the face. "No destroy. Is friends." The hand whispered as it repeatedly smacked the giraffe. "Friends help destroy other smolness maybe."
Sweetie Giraffe's rampage ground to a halt. She leaned over, craning her neck down to the two mares and one human girl. "You is friends. Us destroy smol."
"Ooo...kay?" Lisa reached a hand to Sweetie Giraffe and gave her a headpat, because headpats are good.
As for Lil' Knifey, she was glad that the narrator actually did something useful for once.
"I NEVER SAID THAT."
Butter Knife proceeded to say exactly that.
Butter Knife screamed.
"SCREM BAB LOUD." Sweetie Giraffe glared at the still-screaming Stabb🅱. "CAN DESTROY?"
"NO, YOU WILL NOT DESTROY BUTTER KNIFE, THE MOST FEARED ALICORN IN ALL OF--"
Butter Knife proceeded to burst into flames from Sweetie Giraffe's laser-vision, leaving behind only a pile of ashes.
"I--" Emily backed away from Sweetie Giraffe. "Lisa, I... think you should also get away. Maybe call the police if you can. We just witnessed a freakin' murder."
The pile of ashes burst into flames, reassembling bit by bit into a now-clearly annoyed Butter Knife. She pointed a hoof at Sweetie Giraffe. "Alright, listen up, tall girl, I'm the boss around here."
"Mmmmno, I think I'd be more fitting as the boss," Emily gestured at herself. "I mean, I was tasked with preventing a civil war, and my only real companion through all of it was an annoyed pony stuck in my head."
"AM TALL. IS WILL BE BOSS."
Lisa raised a hand. "I... think maybe we should discuss this later. We still don't know where we are, after all."
"Cardboard box."
Everyone looked at the small, Bluetooth speaker sitting against the wall.
"Welcome to the rest of your lives, nimrods. Press the button to continue."
"What butto--" Emily began before inadvertently tripping on the big red "easy" button sitting on the floor in front of her.