//------------------------------// // Gender Blues // Story: A Filly named Alex // by Pegysus //------------------------------// “Silver Spirit. No. Soaring Surfer. No. Arctic Breeze. No. Onyx. Eh maybe.” I wrote that down on the growing list of possible names. “Solar Force. Nope. Sweet Victory. I like it kinda. Berry Chaser. Net. Astral Night. I like it somewhat.” I added them to the list. “Rocky Spark. No. Shining Star. Somewhat. Sky Scraper. Sounds cool but no. Yellow Rock. Definitely no. Flawless Victory. Nyope. Berry Metal. No. Twilight Colt. Yeah no. Sapphire Bolt. No. Nimble Sorbet. No. Platinium Colt. Negative.” I sighed heavily and rubbed my face, taking a peek at the chicken scratch which was my list. I’m getting better at hand- er mouth writing but it’ll be a while before I become legible. It’s just so damn hard to use your tongue to write. At least I know what I’m reading. “Have you thought about going through filly names?” It was Twilight, reorganizing the books. I glowered at her. “I mean you know you became a filly when you were a stallion and well I don’t know much about it or anything but I know there’s plenty of stallions and mares who want to be the opposite sex and yeah maybe that’s the case?” She squeaked. I sighed heavily again, “I am a boy. A colt. I am not a girl in any shape or form. I am only in this gender for now until I change it. I’m not a girl, I’m never going to be a girl, and I’m very uncomfortable in this body no matter how cute it is.” The purple pony gulped, “Sorry.” I exhaled, “It’s fine. You didn’t mean anything by it.” “You know I can use a spell to turn you into a colt.” I blinked and shouted, “YOU CAN?!” Twilight winced but continued on, “I don’t know how long it’ll last but I’ve only used it once on Applejack. I kind of like to see how long the spell will last since it’s kind of new.” “Hit me.” “What?” “Cast the spell. NOW!” I commanded. “Fine, stay still.” Princess Twilight Sparkle’s horn lit up at first dim then it slowly became brighter and brighter until a warm tingle filled my body. Parts grew while others recede. When the light around me halted, I felt good. Very good. Twilight, however, looked confused. “I don’t think the spell worked. Which is odd because all my spells work and-” “Hold that thought.” I rushed to the bathroom door, sliding into the bathroom itself, and looked at myself through the full body mirror. I looked mostly the same albeit with much shorter eyelashes and mane. I did some inspecting of my parts and I shrieked with joy. “I’M A BOY AGAIN WAAAAHOOOOOOOO!!!!” I didn’t really know how ponies danced but I danced the best I could on the bathroom floor. “What are you-” I leaped and landed on Twilight, kissing her right on the cheek, “Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” Pelting her face with kisses. The poor alicorn heated up to a cozy temperature. “Oh thank you! You have no idea what this means to me, Ms. Sparkle. I love you so much, just thank you!” I flew off, “I need to go tell Rainbow.” And out the window. I zoomed across the cloudy sky with the rush of wind egging me on to fly faster. I looked all over the place for the rainbow-maned pegasus and she was nowhere in sight. She has her job, today right? I mean it’s the afternoon and we’re supposed to have a shower, tonight right? I saw pegasi pushing cloud together. After all the crazy and chaos that happened since I came here, I didn’t exactly question how they can control the weather. Especially since I’ve slept on more than a few clouds since I’ve learned to fly. I hovered near a pegasus, “Uh, ma’am? Do you know where Rainbow Dash is?” “Dash? Hmmm, I think she went to Fluttershy’s.” “Do you know where Fluttershy’s is?” The mare pointed in a direction, “It’s a little cottage that way. A little hidden in the foliage but you should find it.” “Thank you, ma’am.” I sped off in my search for Rainbow. It’s kinda funny how she usually finds me. Usually coming out of nowhere when I least expect it. I glided down below the tree just coasting through the path. I guess I could walk but that wouldn’t be any fun now would it. There I saw it, a little cottage a little hidden by foliage. I also saw a certain rainbow-maned pony. I sped forward and was about to yell “Rainbow!” But I held myself as I watch a butter-yellow pegasus and her kiss. I also didn’t notice that the ground was far too close for flight and slid right into it. “Ow.” “Alex? What are you doing here?” I pulled myself up and gave her the biggest damn grin I could muster, “I’m a boy now! Twilight turned me back into a boy and I wanted to show you.” “You don’t look that much different.” “Well yeah, there’s not much difference between boys and girls when they’re young.” I shook off the dirt, “But I’m fully boy and nothing is going to stop me! Muhahahahaaaa!” And then there was a light as I felt my body slowly recede things and grow other things. The warm tingles shivered through my tiny body. I felt wrong, so very very wrong. Every little piece of it felt wrong, like something terrible was done to my body. I stood there frozen in so many emotions. I didn’t know if I should laugh, scream, or cry. “Uh, Alex?” I felt loss, everything felt dark and the whole world seemed to stop. “Flutter-” I found myself feeling warm and cozy in a blanket. I don’t really remember when I got under this blanket. I thought I heard a voice of some kind but I can’t really remember. “Rainbow what happened?” A familiar voice spoke. “I don’t know. He looked so happy then there was a light and he went catatonic.” “I think I know the problem.” There was a brilliant light and life and color were brought back to the world. I was in a nice little cottage that smelled of animal fur. I was wrapped in a blanket with two concerned faces staring at me. “Are you um okay?” A soft, sweet voice spoke to me. It was the butter-yellow pegasus with the pink mane. She was snuggling me while we laid next to the fire. I dug myself out of the snuggle pile and shook off the blanket, “What happened?” I eyed both Twilight and Rainbow who were giving me very worried expressions. “Well, it seems that when you turned back into a filly you went catatonic.” I raised an eyebrow. “That’s so silly. Why would I go catatonic just because I turn back into a filly? What is this one of those cheap pulp fictions?” Rainbow and Twilight gave each other a look. Rainbow, “Alex, I think you should stay here for a while.” I blinked, “Uh where is here? Oh, right this is Fluttershy’s cottage right.” My head swiveled to the butter-yellow pegasus. “I finally know your name!” I chuckled, “My name is Alex, nice to meet you Fluttershy!” “Uh um nice to meet you too.” Is she okay? I gave Fluttershy a smile and she gave one back. I swiveled back to the two standing mares, “Why do you want me to stay in Fluttershy’s cottage? It’s a nice cottage but I just met Fluttershy. It would be rude of me to sleepover. Besides, I’m fine. I’m sure I just got surprised by the sudden change back that’s all.” I turned back to Fluttershy, “Do you have a mirror?” “Yeah in the bathroom.” She gestured. “Hold on one second.” I flew into the bathroom and checked myself. “I’m a boy again!” I flew back out and hugged the purple pony princess of friendship, “Thank you, thank you, thank you, Ms. Sparkle.” “Please don’t start kissing me again.” Rainbow burst into mirth. I let go, “Sorry,” I apologized sheepishly, “I was just very happy.” “You’re deflecting again.” The Princess of Friendship accused. “What? I’m not deflecting.” “Yes, you are. You do it anytime something isn’t going your way.” “O…kay?” I shrugged, a glance outside told me it was going to rain soon. “Anyway, I should get home. I don’t wanna fly in the soaking rain.” I tried to fly out but I grabbed by the tail, “Oh no you don’t, you’re not going to get out of this one, buster.” I glared at her, “You’re not my mom and I’m not a child!” I growled, “Let go of me, or you’re going to find out if I can suck blood with my fangs.” Twilight flinched and let go, “Thank you, I’ll be going now.” “Wait, just hear me out.” “Fine, you have one minute.” Twilight exhaled, “Alex, you’re in a foal’s body right?” “Yeah?” “That must also mean you have a foal’s mind, right?” Oh, I see where she’s going with this, “Are you trying to tell me that my memories, personalities, etcetera are all overwhelming for this body’s mind due to it being a child?” “I didn’t know you were an egg head, Ali.” Rainbow Dash interrupted. I shrugged, “I’ve been thinking about this for a while too. I noticed how different I am from when I used to be. I also noticed that I’m more amiable towards certain things in this world that would’ve been considered sin in my world.” “Sin?” Twilight asked. “Think of it like breaking a rule. Mostly a moral rule. It’s a religious thing. Where I come from same-gender couples were… well in that same religious they teach that if a man- er stallion lays with another stallion that they must be stoned.” Rainbow and Twilight paled while Fluttershy squeaked. I tried my best to give a disarming smile, “I can’t say what I thought about it before coming here but I think it’s adorable now. Then again I’m a hopeless romantic.” My eyes went back and forth between Rainbow and Fluttershy, a smirk appeared on my face. “So, when are you two getting married?” The two gazed at each other and blushed furiously. Twilight, “Alex, you’re deflecting again.” “Okay, mom. This is an uncomfortable conversation; I’d rather be back in my bed sleeping right now but you’re too worried about something small.” “It’s not small, Alex. It’s not small at all. Because your experiences and memories are much larger and more overwhelming than your brain can process and your body can take. A sudden powerful emotional shock could kill you!” I gave her a flat stare and a brow raise, “Really? Die from emotional shock? Is my body that weak? Because I’m pretty sure there were many times that I should’ve had a few broken bones from my stunt crashes, yet all I’ve gotten were bruises. I’m pretty sure my body is stronger than it looks.” My eyes went to Rainbow, “Remember when I went full tilt towards the ground then tried to make a sharp turn only to crash?” “Yeah, it was awesome! I nearly thought you were gonna make it too.” My lime-green eyes went to the purple pony’s lavender eyes, “See my point. You’re overreacting. I had a little shock but nothing deadly or serious. I’ll just have to be ready when I randomly change back.” There was a light and the warm tingles came back. I was a filly again. I hate it when that happens. “Like right now.” A few tears rolled down my cheek. I felt two warm wings embrace me. Rainbow and Fluttershy were hugging me. A small smile pulled at my lips. “Thank girls.” “No problem, Ali.” Dash chirped while Fluttershy rubbed my withers with her wing. “See, Twilight. It was just a fluke.” My voice sounding small and gloomy. “Now can you please turn me back before I start crying?” I choked; a tear escaped the dam. The most pitying expression came from Twilight. It hurt to even look at it. Why am I so bothered by being a girl? It’s not like it’s that big of a deal. Most of all my favorite people and ponies are girls. I shouldn’t be bothered by it. Yet here I am, a hot fucking mess trying to keep himself from breaking down all because my body doesn’t feel right. “I don’t know. The spell doesn’t last more than thirsy minutes.” “Oh come on, Twi. Can’t you see how much he’s suffering?” Rainbow coming to my defense. I sighed, I’m going to hate myself for doing this. “She’s right, Rainbow.” I sniffled and wiped the tears away, summoning the strength to push myself out of the blues. “I don’t want to trouble Twilight anymore than I already have.” “You’re not troubling me, Alex.” I shook my head, “No, I am, I can keep flying back to you each time I want my fix.” My eyes stared a hole into the floor, “I need to learn how to live with my body as it is now.” “You sure?” Fluttershy asked. I gave her a wide false grin, “I’ll be fine. I’m tougher than I look.” I pulled myself out of the wing hug and stretched my wings. “I’ll be leaving now, it was nice meeting you, Fluttershy. Bye.” Twilight Time Twilight Sparkle watched the little thestral colt go. She was very certain now that Alex was a colt and not a filly despite his body. The princess has been wondering if him changing isn’t a little filly was a sign that who Alex truly was on the inside. Not like she’s met many ponies in similar situations to Alex. After watching the colt deflect, flirt, and threaten out of uncomfortable situations and tough conversations, (Which she was stupid for not noticing earlier with his flirting) the princess of friendship knew for certain Alex was a colt. Because only colts will try to wiggle out of talking about their feelings despite knowing they probably need to open themselves up. “I’m going after him!” Dash sped off only to be teleported back into Fluttershy’s cottage. “What gives, Twi?!” She growled. “I’ll do it. I’m the one who told him I could change him into a colt biologically-wise. I should be the one who helps him through this time of trouble.” Twilight stated resolutely. “Hmph, fine.” The blue pegasus pouted and harumphed over into Fluttershy’s room, dragging the butter-yellow pegasus with her. Enough to be said about those two. Twilight felt a pang of loneliness. She wished she could snuggle with Celestia by the fire as they slowly sink into a… Twilight shook her head. No, this is not the time for that. Twilight took off, the storm brewing as rain pelted against her face. Her untrained wings were powerful but her raw strength couldn’t prepare her for the crosswinds, knocking her out of the sky. She flapped and fluttered to try to keep from becoming a red paste in the dirt. She crashed into the dirt, picking herself back up, and galloped to her castle. She had to dodge everything from flying rocks, flying branches, leave smacking her, and the mud under her feet. But she made it to her palace. She would’ve like to fly up but she didn’t trust her lack of ability. She tried to fly up the flight of stairs but kept smacking into the walls face first. “Wait, where even is Alex?” Twilight realized that she had no idea where Alex is in the whole castle. Tartarus, she didn’t even know where his room was. “I HATE THIS STUPID PALACE!” She screamed. “Ugh, Twilight. Why are you screaming?” A half-asleep dragon whined. “Spike! Great, you’re here, did you see Alex?” “Yeah, he went up into his room. Seems pretty blue about something.” “Where is his room?” Spike pointed on the map, “There.” He walked back into his room, “Night.” “Night.” Twilight felt determined. She flew, taking the map with her. He was on the tippy-top floor. That’s if he was there at all. When Princess Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship, goddess of friendship and magic, stood outside of Alex’s supposed she couldn’t help be nervous. She has defeated Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra, and Tyrek. Yet anytime she was about to do her job as both goddess and friendship she wanted to run away. It’s her job yet here she was scared out of her mind that she’ll mess up. What if she made it worse? What if he really does die? When the purple pony explained to the thestral colt that he could die she wasn’t talking about overwhelming emotions stopping his heart. She was talking about him committing suicide. She wished she worded it better. The princess took the deepest breath imaginable, filling her lungs to the brim and exhaling the anxiety away. A friend was in need and she’s up for the task. Twilight knocked, “Go away.” A small voice rasped. The tone barely a command. “Alex, can I come in?” “No, go away.” “I’m coming in.” “Whatever.” Twilight entered his room, shutting his door on the way through. The foal was wrapped in his blankets, shivering with sobs. His face was rubbed raw by tears and he was cool to the touch. The poor thing must’ve gotten caught in the rain. Twilight cast a heating spell on the colt. His shivering stopped, “Better?” “No.” Twilight wrapped a wing around Alex. The thestral colt pushed out of it. “You’re not my mom.” He accused weakly. “No, I’m not, but I am your friend and a friend in need is a friend indeed.” “What?” His hoarse voice laughed, “Are you going to sing now?” “Maybe not, but I am going to hug you. Can I hug you?” Alex was quiet for a while. His breathing was soft and if Twilight didn’t know any better, she’d think that the colt was asleep. “Do whatever.” Twilight unwrapped the foal burrito, “Hey what are you-” and wrapped Alex and her in a comfortable double-sized pony burrito. “Better?” Quivers of sobs and wails were his only replies. The little thestral colt clung into Twilight for dear life as she softly rubbed his withers and back. Twilight wished she knew what he was thinking or empathize with what he was going through. All she could do was be there. Twilight knew better than to believe that Alex was onety perchit an adult. He may have the memories and experience to be mature but his body and mind structure was that of a foal. And like all foals, they needed a paternal figure. Especially when they are as heartbroken as this one. There was a lull. The little colt had stopped clinging onto Twilight for dear life and now just snuggling into her. His stomach rose and fell with each soft breath. “Twilight?” “Hmm?” “I’m a boy, right?” Twilight smiled, giving brushing his back, “With no doubt.” “My body isn’t going to turn me into a girl isn’t it?” “Well, it already has.” The colt pouted, “You know what I mean.” The princess frowned, “I don’t know.” She breathed. A bright smile pulled on Twilight’s lips, “I’ll make sure it doesn’t.” Silence hung there for many moments. Twilight didn’t know Alex that well but could tell he was just a hurt pony who needed friendship and love. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like to die, leaving everything and everyone she knew and love. When the princess first met Alex almost a week ago, he was so terrified and confused. Then when he flirted with the princess, she was so jealous and envious of him. She wished that she had the guts to flirt with her crush. Though, now in hindsight, he wasn’t flirting because he was interested or attracted to any of them, he was flirting to deflect his way out of an uncomfortable situation. Next, he confronted Spike and her to talk about why they’ve been giving him the cold shoulder. Something she’s embarrassed about now and wishes she hadn't been such a jealous jerk. Finally, she had to tell him about how she can cast that gender turning spell, the happiness and pure joy that radiated off of him was incredible. When Rainbow practically dragged her to him when he went catatonic it frightened her that her new friend was busted. It’s almost funny how mature he was when he confronted Spike and Twilight, and now he’s curled up in Twilight’s arms like a foal to a mother. Not like Twilight will ever take that kind of responsibility. One baby was enough for her. But when he whispered, “Thank you.” She couldn’t help but give him a little kiss on the noggin as he fell into a deep slumber.