Somewhere in the far reaches of space, probably near the planet Tatooine, a menacing ship known by all as Spaceball One was making a little trip to planet Equestria. The ship was crewed by the evil spaceballs themselves, they are the most evil villains in the universe, and the Phillipine Islands. In fact, they were so evil, that they played their evil music so very loud, you could hear it from space.
https://m.Oh wait, that's their hearts and hooves day song, THIS is their evil song.
https://m.
And on board that ship was colonel Snails, watching the rest of the crew working at the controls, until a blue skinned human approached him, "colonel Snails." He said
"What is it Sargent Drakken.", colonel Snails replied
"You told me to let you know when planet Equestria is in sight sir."
Colonel Snails was confused by this, "so?"
"Planet Equestria is in sight sir."
This made colonel snails smile, "you're really a spaceball, you know that, don't you."
"Thank you."
"Have you notified lord helmet." Colonel snails asked.
"Yes sir, I took the liberty he's on his way."
Just then, some music played from out of nowhere.
https://m.
"make way for dark helmet."
"All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet." Colonel snails announced.
All the soldiers rose as the door opened, and in marched none other than... Dark Helmet.
This guy was feared by all, he was the toughest of the toughest, he was the evilest of the evilest, he was struggling to lift up his helmet, which he did, revealing the face of a certain little pony named Snips, "all these years and I STILL can't breathe in this thing." He said between breaths.
Colonel snails approached him with good news, "we're approaching planet Equestria sir."
"Good." Dark helmet said, "I'll call spaceball city and notify president Cozy Glow immediately."
"I already called her sir, she knows everything.", this made Dark helmet stop in his tracks, and made colonel Snail's eyes widen. Did they hear him correctly...
"What... you went over my helmet?!" He said, turning to face the unfortunate soldier. Who was feeling a little nervous.
"W-well not exactly sir, M-more to the side, I'll always call you first, I-it'l never happen again, never ever." And then, he saw it, the ring on his hoof.
It was at this moment that he knew, he bucked up.
"Oh no, N-no, no sir please, please no, not that."
Dark helmet flashed an evil grin, and lowered his helmet, "yes, that."
And then, a beam shot out from the ring, striking the poor soldier in where the sun doesn't shine, he groaned in pain, until he dropped to the ground.
Dark helmet looked up at the vast emptiness of space, as two medics took the injured man away. Confused, Dark Helmet raised his helmet, "Snails!"
"Sir!" Said colonel Snails as he stood rigid.
"I don't see planet Equestria, where is it?"
"Well, we don't have visual contact yet sir." Colonel Snails explained, "but we do have it on the radar screen, shall I punch it up for you?"
"Never mind, I'll do it myself.", he approached a screen that was nearby, but there seemed to be a small problem with the radar, "what's the matter with this thing, what's with all the churning and bubbling?" He said with confusion, "you call that a radar screen."
"No sir, we call it: Mister Coffee." Colonel Snails said, as he pointed a hoof at sign which read, MISTER COFFEE.
"what happened to mister Starbucks?" Dark helmet asked in confusion.
"This is mister Starbucks sir, but we had to change the name to avoid getting sued."
As they were talking, the machine was making the titular drink, which was soon finished with a 'ding' noise coming from the machine, "would you care for some?"
"Yes, I always have coffee when I watch radar, you know that." Dark helmet said
"Of course I do sir."
"EVERYONE KNOWS THAT"
"OF COURSE WE DO SIR", shouted the soldiers as they covered their little friends in fear.
"Now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch radar." Dark helmet announced, "where is it."
"Right here sir." Colonel Snails led dark helmet to a nearby device with a sign reading MISTER RADAR on the screen was the Image of a little planet.
"There it is, planet equestria, and underneath the air shield 10,000 years of fresh air." Dark helmet said with determination as he sipped his coffee, "we must get through that air shield."
"And we will sir." Colonel Snails assured, "once we kidnap the princess, we can force her sister, queen Rarity, to give us the combination to the air shield, thereby destroying planet Equestria, and saving planet Spaceball."
"Everyone got that." He said to whoever's reading this.
"Good, when will the princess be married."
"Within the hour sir."
Dark helmet flashed his evil grin again, "I hope it's a long ceremony, because it's going to be a short honeymoon."
The two began to laugh maniacally, until dark Helmet started to choke, colonel Snails hit him on the back, and he immediately spat out his coffee, "hot too hot."
"This is why I always drink a diet Pepsi." Colonel snails said, facing a machine named MISTER SODA.