//------------------------------// // 2. Wallflower’s Crush // Story: Wallflower's Rush // by Samey90 //------------------------------// By the time we arrive at the hotel, we’re all completely dominated by Daisy’s real estate empire. We did give some money back to the bank and this was our end: a mass of Daisy cheap properties and our failed attempts at upgrading drove us all off the market. Well, at least Lily went bankrupt before I did. In the actual hotel, which is much cheaper than whatever Daisy owned, we get two rooms. Roseluck, Lily, and Daisy take one for themselves, leaving me to share the other one with Muffins and The Great Roberto. He took the trip well, at least. Now he just needs some watering and we can call it a day, I guess. Or at least I hope so. If Muffins snores or talks in her sleep, I’m gonna be really mad. Well, I guess she won’t need sleep to talk to me, but well, so far I’m enjoying some time alone while she’s taking a shower.  I guess it wasn’t a bad day. I didn’t do anything dumb, I didn’t wish I still had the memory stone, and I didn’t try to kick someone out of the van. Tomorrow, it’s gonna be bonsai trees galore, and I’m pretty sure I have something to read on my tablet.  Suddenly, the door of the bathroom burst open and Muffins walks out. At least she’s wearing a bathrobe, though it isn’t tied in any way, allowing me to see much more than I’d ever want to.  “Random shower thought,” she says, grabbing a comb and brushing her hair. Oh boy, here we go. “We never wash our belts, but it’s like, the first thing you touch after wiping your–” “Thanks for this mental image, I hate it,” I mutter. “Now I need to wash my belt.” “Yeah, but watch out. The water in the shower sometimes goes cold randomly.” She sits on her bed, the bathrobe swirling around her. I can see not just London and France, but the whole countryside, if you wish. Maybe I should really take a shower – if only so she’d have time to put some pants on. “You know, I’ve been wondering about Flash,” Muffins says. Oh great, I hope she doesn’t delve into details too much or I’ll really need a cold shower. “How did you know about the driving thing?” “Uhh… Will it be enough if I tell you that it involved the memory stone?” I ask. “It’s not something I’d like to go back to.” “Okay then.” Muffins shrugs. “Have you ever tried it on me?” I swear, one more question like that and I’m gonna run to the toilet and never come out. “Well, everyone in school got the stone at least once, so I probably did.” I shrug. “You know, I don’t even know if I ever tried it on myself. If I did, I don’t remember that.” “Well, I guess it was the whole school,” she replies. “But have we ever met face to face before and you just made me forget about that? I’m just curious.” Well, uhh, actually… There was that one time when I got really bored and tried to kiss various girls in school. Muffins parted with her memories of that rather quickly due to being way too eager to kiss me back. Still it wasn’t the worst. I have about a fifteen minute-long gap in my memory between approaching Vinyl and hiding in an empty classroom, so I may have used the stone on myself. Also, Cloudy Kicks punched me in the face which was, I’d say, quite a new experience for me.  I might have tried to kiss her again. After a while, I tell Muffins about it. Well, except for the part about Vinyl and Cloudy Kicks. Especially Cloudy Kicks.  “Huh.” Muffins smirks. “So we kinda kissed, right? Too bad I don’t remember it, but well, we can make up for it.” Nope. No way. Did I die and ended up in some limbo for creepy weirdos who kiss random girls or break into boys’ locker rooms to smell their– Wait, I never did that, honest. “From your expression, I guess the answer is no,” Muffins says. “But have you done something fun with this stone? I mean, like running around the school naked or pranking people, or breaking into the boys’ showers to take a look?” “I totally didn’t do any of these, and especially not the last one,” I reply. “It was mostly boring stuff, like moping and complaining about everything.” “Not bad.” Muffins nods. “I’d be far less responsible if I got my hands on this stone.” Yeah, that’s what I thought when I walked out of the supermarket in plain sight with a bottle of whisky, a six-pack of beer and a pack of cigarettes. It wasn’t the brightest of my ideas, mainly because it’s hard to remove someone’s memories when you’re trying (and failing) not to throw up. That was when I thought I should be more responsible. And never mix whisky and beer. “Like, first thing I came up with was streaking and the other was public sex,” Muffins says. “I never did any streaking myself, but at least Flash and I once did it in the garden, so there’s always that.” Well, considering her current attire, I’d disagree about streaking, but– Wait, what did she just say? “Wait, did you two, uhh… in my garden?” I ask, making some suggestive hand gestures. “How could you?” “Well, I said, ‘I have the keys to the school garden, wanna do it?’ and it escalated from there.” She shrugs. “Come on, you’ve never banged anyone in this garden, with the keys and the memory stone?” “Does ‘myself’ count?” I ask without thinking what I’m actually talking about. Damn, where did I put my memory stone? Oh wait, I don’t have it. Just awesome. “Well, that’s always something.” Muffins smirks. “Becoming one with nature, so to speak.” “Yeah…” I mutter, looking away. “Just don’t mention it to anyone.” “Don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me,” Muffins replies. “Also, if you ever want to invite someone to your garden, both literally and as a dirty metaphor, we can find someone easily. I mean, Bulk is already taken by Indigo Zap–” “Who?” I ask.  “Kinda like Bulk, but female and, like, pocket-sized.” Muffins shows the height with her hand and if she’s accurate, then this Indigo Zap is shorter than me. Though probably stronger, if she shares Bulk’s hobbies. I mean, I once tried to start working out, but no one who was at the gym at the time remembers it. “Anyway, maybe Valhallen? I’m not sure how he can see anything with this hair of his–” “So you think a guy who can’t see will be the perfect match for me?” I ask. “Just what I suspected.” “No, I don’t mean it like that,” Muffins replies, smiling sheepishly. “But you could share tips on hair styling and his baby sister is just adorable. We could call you Wally and Vally.” I sigh. “Can you stop calling me Wally?”  “Do you prefer Waldo?” She shrugs. “Actually, both could work. People at school spent years looking for you.” “Oh, come on!” I roll my eyes.  “Would you maybe prefer ‘Flowey’?” Muffins asks. “Don’t be ridiculous.” I drop on my bed and sigh. “Who names a kid ‘Wallflower’ anyway? Did my parents want me to become a recluse loser?” “Well, in some cases it works in reverse, you know.” Muffins smirks. “Have you ever met Sugarcoat?”  “Who?” I mean, according to Muffins’ description we may be soulmates, but I still don’t know her. Also, I think I keep asking this question today. But then, I never bothered with names that much. “She’s from Crystal Prep, she has the most improbable hairstyle you’ve ever seen, she wears orange-rimmed glasses, speaks like an angry squirrel, and treats everyone like they’re idiots who can’t appreciate her genius. That’s why everyone tells her to shut up whenever she speaks. I think she’s with Sandalwood now.” I have no idea who Sandalwood is. Like, everytime I think of this name, my memory enters a black hole. It’s not just I don’t remember him; it’s like someone removed every trace of any interaction I’ve ever had with him. Gee, I wonder who could do that. I do, however, recall a sharp-looking girl with the most improbable hairstyle I’ve ever seen, who wore glasses, and caught me behind the school when I was just wandering around, probably scheming or just being generally mopey. “Hey, you,” she said, indeed sounding like an angry squirrel. “Are you Sandalwood’s new dealer? If so, I need cocaine. The theme of our next date is the 19th century, which apparently means getting high and laughing at phrenology.” “I don’t have any cocaine, sorry,” I replied, my heart racing. She spoke to me! And I totally talked to her normally! And she mistook me for someone! I ran off, accidentally bumping into Sweet Leaf and knocking her down, but I didn’t care.  Well, to be honest, I ran to my garden and, as Muffins nicely put it, engaged in becoming one with nature.  To think about it, I still wonder who did she mistake me for.  “I may have met her,” I reply. Muffins doesn’t need to know the whole story. “So you know that she’s nothing like her name would imply,” Muffins replies. “Also, we may never know what Lemon Zest has to do with lemons. Unless you mean her fanfiction.” “I don’t know.” I shrug. “Are you into fanfiction anyway?” As I say that, I realise that while I may be successful in changing the topic, I’m still going to dangerous waters. “Not much,” Muffins says. “I’m more into healthy teenage hobbies, like playing soccer, blasting some noobs’ tanks to pieces in video games, playing saw, and having sex in fun places. What about you?” “Well, I’m into video games too,” I reply, deciding to ignore the other things she mentioned. “And gardening, of course. But I’m generally boring, so–” Suddenly, the door of our room opens and Roseluck bursts in. Unfortunately for her, I’m pretty sure the first thing she sees are Muffins’ assets in their full glory.  “Sorry to interrupt whatever you two are doing,” she says, “but Lily is having a freakout.” “Is it because of a bunny?” Muffins asks.  “No, a spider and withdrawal.” Roseluck shrugs. “Is someone here not afraid of spiders?” “Spiders?” Muffins shudders. “Eww.” “Withdrawal?” I ask. “What withdrawal? Are you telling us just now that she’s a junkie?” “Nah, that’s just some meds.” Roseluck rolls her eyes. “I guess she forgot to take them. Though then, I don't remember her ever going to a doctor, so–” “Well, then I’m happy she didn’t see any spiders in the car.” I get up from the bed and crack my knuckles like I know what I’m doing. “Okay, show me this spider.” We walk to Roseluck’s room. The scene looks quite interesting: Lily, dressed in frilly pajamas, is standing on a chair, frantically staring at the floor. What is more interesting, Daisy is doing the same thing, though at least her pajamas are more traditional-looking. Don’t worry, girls, Rescue-1 is on the way. “Where’s this spider?” I ask. “We don’t know!” Lily exclaims. So much for being a tough girl with a van. “It ran away.” Frankly, I’m not surprised. I’m constantly on the verge of running away myself, though now that I think about it, Muffins actually makes a fine roommate.  “Did you take your meds?” I ask.  “I did, just now.” She shrugs. “Still, you have to find this spider!” Like hell I will. “Daisy, did you take your meds too?” “I don’t take any meds.” Daisy replies. “Especially not those Lily takes.” “Then why are you panicking?” I ask, trying not to roll my eyes. After all, I had some meds too, myself, though the package I see on Lily’s nightstand doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen before. “So she doesn’t feel lonely.” Daisy smiles sheepishly. “Also, I don’t like spiders.” Muffins walks into the room. Apparently she does have some semblance of shame, or maybe it just occurred to her that she’s flashing everyone constantly, because she tied her bathrobe with a matching belt. “Are you playing ‘floor is lava’?” she asks. “More like, ‘floor is huge scary spiders,” Lily replies.  “Hey, it wasn’t that huge,” Roseluck says. “Like, we’re not in Australia, come on! It was at best half an inch.” “At least ten!” Lily exclaims. “We need to find it! I won’t sleep knowing that such a beast is under my bed!” “Ten inches? I’d prefer to have such a beast in my bed.” Muffins chuckles. “Unfortunately, the size of such beasts is usually greatly exaggerated. It’s five at best.”  “Why would you want to have a spider in your bed?” Daisy asks. Damn, even I got this, and I’m apparently a virgin. Although with the amount of sinful things I’ve seen on the internet, that word is more devoid of meaning than my life.  Muffins probably thinks along the same lines, maybe except for the virgin part. “Do we tell her?” “No,” Roseluck replies. “Unless you want the rest of the night to be even more awkward.” “Still, this spider is somewhere there.” Lily gets off the chair and looks at her bed. “I need to know where it is.” “Don’t worry,” Muffins says. “I’ll get a deodorant and a lighter and we’ll kill it with fire.” I guess it’s time to intervene. “Do you know what’d make the night even more awkward than explaining birds and bees to Daisy? Lighting the hotel on fire.” “There are bees here too?” Daisy asks. “Maybe we should leave the spider alone, then. At least it’ll catch the bees.” “They make honey and are generally harmless if you don’t piss them off, but I agree,” I say. “Let’s leave the spider alone.” “You’re saying that because you haven’t watched My Girl,” Daisy replies. “I thought it’d be fun because that guy from Home Alone was in it, but I was really wrong.” “Sorry, my knowledge of movies with bees ends at The Wicker Man,” Muffins replies. “And that’s only because Indigo got me into crap horror movies and I suffer to this day. Also, it’s fitting because it also ends in fire.”  “Daisy, the bees are a metaphor, you know.” I sigh. “As for the spider, there’s no spider. It decided to run when it heard how stupid we all are.” “What about the spoon?” Muffins asks. “What spoon?” “You say there’s no spider, so I’m asking about the spoon.” Muffins shrugs. “I’d rather be ready for the moment when Lily pulls out red and blue pills and asks me to choose one.” “There is no spoon.” I roll my eyes. “Also, when it comes to bee movies, I can’t believe you missed the most obvious choice.” “Which is?” Muffins smirks. I’m pretty sure that’s a rhetorical question, but given the way Roseluck and Lily look at me, I guess I’m here to deliver the punchline. “Like, the actual movie called Bee Movie?” I shrug. “According to all known laws of aviation there’s no way a bee should be able to fly, and so on. This actually defies basic physics, but who’d expect accuracy in a cartoon.” “Now you just sound like Twilight,” Roseluck says. “She once spent an hour complaining about magnets not working right in some movie.” Muffins chuckles. “Does anyone even know how they work?”  “Not me,” I reply. “And now excuse me, I need to take a shower. If you want to hunt spiders all night, no problem, but leave me out of it.” “You’re gonna leave me with those two searching for spiders all night?” Roseluck groans. “I’ve been through this before and trust me, it’s worse than watching paint dry.” “You know, I gotta take a shower too,” Muffins says.  Roseluck raises her eyebrows and looks at Muffins. “You just had a shower.” “I didn’t.” Muffins smiles sheepishly. I hope she never tries to play poker because she’s gonna get destroyed once she tries to bluff.  “You’re wearing a bathrobe and your hair is wet. You’re not fooling anyone, you know.” Roseluck crosses her arms. “Maybe I want to take another shower, but with Wallflower?” Muffins shrugs. “It kind of rhymes.” I swear, I’m not gay enough for this. I mean, I kinda saw her, uhh… everything, and I doubt I can compare. Also, the shower would be terribly cramped and we’d have to be pretty close together and– Wait, I shouldn’t be imagining that. I really ought to stop. Stupid, sexy Muffins! “I’m gonna take a shower,” I say quickly. “Alone!”  Muffins looks at me, then at Roseluck, and then at Lily and Daisy who are currently looking under Lily’s bed. “Are you sure–” “No, I don’t need a hand,” I reply. “I can do it myself just fine.” On a second thought, this sounded much better in my head. And my imaginary grave I keep digging myself in just got a little deeper. I storm out, go back to my room and hide in the bathroom. I don’t think I’m getting out in a foreseeable future. After a while, someone knocks on the door, startling me. Good thing I’m actually sitting on the toilet or else it’d get even more awkward. “Wally are you okay?” Muffins asks. Hope she doesn’t try to burst in. I don’t remember if I locked the door. “Are you asking about my mental state?” I ask. “Well, I’m not interested in whatever else you’re doing there,” Muffins replies.  “I think the Stone was way too convenient,” I reply. “I forgot how to interact with people without making a fool out of myself.” “Don’t worry, at least you’re not looking for spiders under your bed.” Muffins chuckles.  “Yes, but can we not talk right now?” I ask. “I’m a bit busy here.” “Oh, sorry!” Muffins exclaims. “I guess I’ll be in my bed. Goodnight!” “Night,” I mutter. Then I finish what I started and finally take a shower. While desperately trying not to imagine anyone naked or searching for spiders. Or searching for spiders while naked. Though maybe if Lily did that? She’s a bit of a bitch but hey, a girl can fantasize. And Daisy is totally innocent, but if this trip continues, we may spoil her and– Yikes! So that’s what Muffins meant when she said the water goes cold randomly. There goes the mood. I dry myself with a towel and put on my pajamas before going back to the real world. Which, in this case, includes Muffins herself.  She’s sitting on her bed with a tablet and watching some sort of a movie. I take a peek at a screen and let me tell you, it’s really weird. Exactly the kind of thing I expect from Muffins. “What is it?” I ask. “Star Trek-themed gay porn?”  “Traumschiff Surprise - Periode 1,” she replies. Great, now she speaks in tongues. “It is gay and Star Trek-themed, but it’s not porn. Also, I think I watched it, like, two days ago. Also, I need to catch up on Le Casa de Papel.” “What now?” I ask.  “Paper House,” she replies before checking something on her tablet. “Money Heist? Seriously? I always watch it in Spanish anyway.” “Yeah, I once tried to learn Japanese from anime,” I say.  “Did it work?” Muffins asks. “I’m not into anime, myself, so I only know a few words.”  “Well, due to my unfortunate choices, I can now hold a perfectly normal conversation in Japanese, as long as it’s about dressing as a girl to infiltrate an all-girl school.” I chuckle and shake my head at my own stupidity. “Which is not very useful since I don’t even have to try very hard to look like a girl.” Muffins raises her eyebrows. Yeah, this sounded much better in my head. “I’m not a dude in drag, by the way,” I say quickly, which probably makes it even worse. “Even if I didn’t catch sarcasm, your pajama bottoms tell me you aren’t.” What? Well, yeah, unless I just had a really small equipment. Which I don’t have and if she wants to check– Wait, what am I thinking about? Way to go wrong about it. Soon, I’ll drop my pajamas, she’ll get out of that bathrobe and Roseluck will get all the wrong ideas if she ever decides to visit us again.  Oh yeah, I can imagine this conversation.  “You’ve never sat heterosexually naked with someone?” “I think I’d rather go back to hunting spiders, bye!” “Earth to Wally!” Muffins snaps me out of my thoughts. “Do you always blush and zone out when someone mentions–” “Yes,” I reply, smiling sheepishly. “I mean, no. Usually not. I think I’ll go to sleep.” “Yeah, same here,” Muffins replies. “We need to get up early tomorrow and get The Great Roberto to the fair.” Easier said than done. Once the lights are out, I start tossing and turning in my bed. Normally, I’d just have a session with my electric toothbrush and call it a day, but I have no idea whether Muffins is a light sleeper or not.  Eventually, I do fall asleep, or at least I think so, because the things I see are too weird to be real. It must be a dream and it’s quite an interesting one, in which I find Lily’s pills. I look at the label, but instead of the list of side effects there’s only ‘eat me’ written there. Well, I guess that’s some Alice in Chains level stuff. Wait, I’m wrong. I totally meant Alice in Wonderland, although the one in chains probably works too, on some level. Of course, I eat those pills; it’s a dream, it’s better not to question its logic. Everything gets bigger, then it gets smaller and soon I live in a Monopoly hotel and hunt spiders with a spear made from a toothpick. I meet a caterpillar that looks totally like Roseluck and see goats grazing on some meadow, where Muffins and Daisy play croquet. Yeah, that’s most definitely a dream.  My eyes shoot open. The room is dark and quiet, except for Muffins' snoring. When I grab my phone to check what time it is, she lifts her head slightly, though her eyes are still closed. “You need to aim for the machine gun port,” she says. “One shot and the whole tank goes up in flames.” Yeah, I’ll keep that in mind next time I encounter a tank. I turn to face the wall and close my eyes. Tomorrow’s gonna be an important day and I’m not even anxious. Wait. Why do I keep doing this to myself?