//------------------------------//
// A Chaotic New World Pt. 3 
// Story: The World-Jumper 
// by NightmareDash 
//------------------------------//

The two Jacks nervously pressed down the pathway, watching all around for a potential ambush. They ran into several dead-ends, but continued to progress after the necessary backtracking. In fact, it was becoming rather mundane, after five minutes of wandering. And based on what he knew about Discord, Jack decided anything mundane had to be a calm before the storm. About ten minutes into the maze, Applejack spotted a clearing ahead. It contained a grove of apple trees, each ripe for picking. They entered the orchard, Jack with his head on a swivel. Applejack, however, had already found what she was looking for, and rushed headlong through the trees. He followed her path to see a gilded necklace at the other side, embedded with an apple-shaped citrine quartz gem. 

"Applejack, wait!"

She skidded to a halt, turned back to look at him, and was almost immediately pelted by an apple. It came from somewhere in the treeline, and hit her square in the jaw. 

"Get out of there!"

She ran back towards him, a continuous barrage of apples from both sides colliding behind her. As she cleared the grove, the hail of fruit stopped, and the apples on the ground began to vibrate. The two of them looked to see them rolling together, forming three color-coordinated blobs of apples. Each had eyes and a mouth, and pulsated as if breathing, like something from a B-grade horror movie. They seemed just plain wierd to Jack, but Applejack withdrew, knowingly.

"No, not y'all again!"

The blobs charged at them, faces contorting into devious smiles. Jack leapt over them, but Applejack was not so lucky. The green pile of apples threw itself on her, bringing her down and beginning to smother her. The other two were jumping on, as well. Jack ran back to the pile, reached in, and finding the warmth of a hoof, pulled Applejack from the horde. She took off through the grove, while the blobs began to reform around him. He threw a right jab at the center one, but his fist passed cleanly through, apparently ineffective. He then retreated as well, feeling around his jacket and belt for some effective weapon. The apple-monsters were pursuing them now, gradually clumping together into a single large blob. Jack's hand fell upon his left breast pocket, and he reached in to grab at a pen-like device. It was his laser pen! Better than any knife for cutting, and at longer ranges, a great firestarter.

Spinning in place, Jack lined up the laser pen in his right hand, pointing it directly at the pursuing apple-monster. He pressed the trigger button, and a red beam shot from the tip, connecting with the beast in its chest. It continued to advance for a few seconds, but then almost immediately it burst into flames at the contact-point. The blaze spread to the rest of its body, leaving nothing but a flaming mass of apples attacking him. They collapsed soon thereafter, deprived of life, and rolled across the ground, smoldering. Applejack had returned behind him, and looked upon the unusual scene.

"What a waste of produce."

"Believe me, AJ, those apples were beyond rotten."

"Oh, nice moves, both of you. Cool trick with the pen as well. But Jack, I do believe you've gotten a little off-course."

Behind them, Discord had materialized on a tree branch. He bit into an apple in his hand, taking a chunk out of the opposite side.

"My course is whatever I choose it to be, Discord. A guy like you should understand that. Besides, I thought AJ might need a hand, and it looks like I thought right. But I'd hate to be a third wheel around here, so if you two have something to discuss, go ahead. I'm serious, just pretend I don't exist."

"I could make that a reality. But never mind that, Applejack, we really must reminisce! Chat about old times, you know, all of that. I got to thinking of something last time we met, but I was petrified before I could tell you. It's funny, you know, how you make your big stand for honesty, when it's such a pointless virtue!"

"Whaddya mean? Honesty ain't pointless!"

"Maybe not in theory, sure, but look at practice. You can't live without lying once and a while! Society is founded on lies. You lie to your friends when you think it will keep them happy, you lied to Pinkie to keep her birthday party a secret, and you even lied to yourself when you said you could handle all that farmwork. And don't even get me started on half-truths and misleading statements. How many times has Celestia kept you six in the dark about the big picture? She's a politician with an eternity of experience, and she knows how to cover up an inconvenient truth. Did she tell you she and I used to be a thing?"

"Sweet Celestia, that ain't a pleasant thought."

"Yeah, well, maybe she was right not to tell you about it. You could say things got awkward. But it only proves my point. Everypony talks about honesty like it's such a great thing, but nopony would even want to practice complete honesty! Society as we know it would fall to pieces! Isn't that a great principle to represent?"

Applejack was speechless, staring at her hooves. Jack could see her coat losing its color, turning her gradually into a greyscale version of herself. It was a bad sign. But at least he now knew the game he was playing. Discord loved to play with words, and that was a game Jack could play, too.

"A valid point, perhaps. But in the big picture, it's nowhere near the truth."

"What?"

AJ had been shocked back to color by this sudden rebuttal, drawing her out of depression and into a fight.

"You see, Discord, I used to be in the Boy Scouts. And in the Scout Law, we didn't say "A Scout is Honest". We said "A Scout is Trustworthy". So I think Applejack's title is a misnomer. She may be called the Element of Honesty, but what she really represents is the value of trust. Honesty and trustworthiness are a lot alike, but there's a difference or two. If I'm being honest with someone, I'm being bluntly truthful, regardless of what I'm saying. But when someone trusts me, they know that even if I bend the truth or leave something out, I have their best interests at heart in the end. At in just about every case, they'd prefer that to blunt truthfulness. So I'd say it's better to be trustworthy than completely honest."

"Yeah, I am trustworthy! And there ain't no way you can say the world would end if all of us were. So how 'bout them apples?"

Applejack was sparkling with color, in a fighting spirit as well. Discord's mind game had been turned back on him.

"Ohh, you two are no fun! I'm gonna go find somepony else to play with."

And at that, he vanished from the tree branch, off to some other spot in the maze.

"Hay, we beat 'im at his own game! Ain't that somethin'?"

"Yeah, but I'm not done yet. If Discord's left you, he's probably about to go after Pinkie Pie, which means I have to get to her first. I bet he'll leave you alone now, so go on ahead. I'll meet up with you and the others at the center of the maze."

"Gotcha, Jack. See you there."

He climbed up to the top of a nearby hedge, and looking at the sun, positioned himself towards the east. Carefully leaping to the next hedge, he scanned the horizon for his next objective's signature pink curls. But what immediately caught his attention was a swarm of yellow-and-green balloons. They were steadily floating across the maze, descending slightly, then stopping and rising again. Tangled in their strings, Jack could see Pinkie Pie struggling to break free. He bounded from hedge to hedge, watching her slowly rise into the air. He reached a point beneath her seconds later, and barely managed to grab a hold onto her back hoof as they ascended. 

"Hey Jack, what's up?"

"Right now, Pinkie, I think we are. And a little too high up for my tastes. Give me a second, I'm going to try and cut you loose."

Wrapping his ankles and left wrist in balloon-string, Jack pulled from his belt a combat knife, and brought its serrated edge to bear on the nearest bunch he could find. The first strike didn't appear to have any effect, so he pressed in and started sawing. Still nothing. After a few unsuccessful slashes, Jack realized that the strings were apparently unbreakable.

"Alright, forget cutting you loose. Discord's probably enchanted these balloon-strings. Time for a Plan B."

Jack reached up and took a few stabs at the balloons, but once again, to no avail. His knife bounced out of the latex skin as quickly as he had thrust it in. So, tied up by indestructible strings, floating on unbreakable balloons, about 300 feet in the air. This is not good. Pinkie seemed to be losing hope as well; he imagined how scary it must have been running from a cloud of her favorite party accessory, then being tied up and lifted into the air.

"Jack, can you get me out?"

"Yeah, Pinkie. Just give me a second, this is kind of a tough spot."

"Are we just going to keep floating forever?"

"No, more likely we'll hit a point in the atmosphere where the pressure difference inside and outside the balloons is so great that they all pop at once. Then we fall and most likely die. Hang on, what's that in your mane?"

Jack had spotted a small, green gleam in Pinkie's twisted curls. He plunged his hand into the mess, and found a tubular piece of metal. Withdrawing it, he discovered in his hand a familiar, yet exotic device: a sonic screwdriver! He had seen this once, when he met the Doctor a few years ago, and to date, it was the one bit of technology he could not copy. And it was about to save his life a second time.

"Pinkie, how did you get this sonic screwdriver in your mane?"

"Oh, that's where it was! Doctor Whooves gave it to me a week ago, and told me to pass it on to Highlander. But I lost it the next day, so I never got to. She was yelling at me for days, in that crazy Trottish accent, too!"

"Amy..."

"So I guess I lost the soni-whatever thing in my mane. It's not the first time, you know; I once got an entire birthday cake to fit in there!"

"I don't want to know. But for once, be glad you lost something, because it's about to save our lives. Now, let's see, the Doctor said it works by mental command... provided it doesn't have isomorphic controls... can perform alchemical transmutations... there we go! If I dilute the helium in the balloons with oxygen, I should be able to get us to descend. Now, just point..."

Jack pressed a small switch on the screwdriver, extending its claw outward and revealing a green glow of energy from within. He then pointed it towards the balloon-cloud, waving it across them all.

"...and shoot."

Instantaneously, the ascent stopped, and they both began to float downward, returning to the spot Pinkie had been picked up from. As their feet (and hooves) touched the ground, the coils of string began to loosen, and Pinkie easily slipped out from the bindings. The swarm of balloons stayed close to the ground, but a hole began to open in the grouping. In front of them, a large, blue police box appeared, and the door popped open. Out leaned the stallion, Doctor Whooves, and Pinkie could see Highlander behind him. He plucked the screwdriver from Jack's hand, flinging it over his shoulder to Highlander.

"Hello, Jack. Long time no see! Thanks for finding that thing for me; I'd be a dead Doctor without it. Anyway, see you around!"

Doctor Whooves shut the door, and as soon as it had come, the police box faded out of reality.

"The Doctor and I have great times together! He's so funny! And he always has really fun people around when he drops by!"

"Yeah, I know him, too. He's a peculiar chap, that one."

But behind them, another 'peculiar chap' had materialized: Discord. The two turned back to find him leaning against a hedge.

"Oh, so the Doctor got you here? I'll have to deal with him later. But regardless, I saw the whole show. Nice chemistry trick up there, even if you kind of got some deus ex machina help. You missed one detail, though."

"Did I?"

"It's small, but not insignificant. You said you were going to dilute the helium in the balloons to land. Well, you diluted something, but not helium. I just so happen to fill my killer balloons with hydrogen. And you know what the best thing about hydrogen and oxygen gas is? It's flammable."

A matchbox and match appeared in his hands, and as he struck the two together, the matchbox caught fire. He tossed it into the balloons nonchalantly, prompting Jack to grab Pinkie by the hoof.

"Get down!"

The entire bunch exploded in a fiery burst, sending them tumbling away. As they both pulled themselves up, Discord took the opportunity to make his move on Pinkie.

"Are you laughing now, Pinkie? I always thought you liked balloons!"

"Yeah, well not when they try to pony-nap me then explode!"

"Aww, does the party pony not want to play? Did mean ol' Discord spoil her fun?"

"Be quiet! That's not funny!"

"You're right; it's abso-freakin'-lutely hilarious! I'm laughing my screwed-up head off!"

"Well stop it!I It's no fun when somepony's laughing at you!"

"But I thought you represented laughter! Making ponies laugh is supposed to be your thing!"

Pinkie was crazily bawling her eyes out, hair straightening and coat dulling by the second.

"So... so did I! But it's not the same anymore!"

"It's called a taste of the real world, filly. This isn't a fairy-tale dream, Pinkie. Ponies these days are so cynical, so sadistic, most every laugh they get is at the expense of somepony else. They laugh at misfortune, laugh at pain, laugh at weakness. And that's you now, Pinks. You represent all the mean jokes, all the put-downs, and all the cruelty done for a cheap laugh. Don't you just love that?"

"No, I hate it! I hate being the Element of Laughter! I hate my Cutie Mark! I hate it hate it hate it! I want to just peel it off and throw it away!"

Sensing a break-point, Jack ran through the finishing touches of his counterargument, and prepared to work on adding another tick to his extensive resume: motivational speaker.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up there, Pinkie. Hate is a strong word. You should really get a second opinion before you start declaring hatred for so many things. Try mine?"

"What's the point? I'm worthless; all I represent now is being a jerk to make yourself feel good."

"Yeah, here's the thing about that: it's a bunch of bull."

"Jack, are we really playing this game again? I don't like repeating things."

"Then I'm definitely playing this game again. Besides, I thought word games are supposed to be your thing!"

"Where'd you get that one from? Please, can we just get on with this? I have chaos to wreak."

"Sure. Now, like I was saying, Pinkie, what Discord told you is completely untrue. All those jerks he was telling you about don't even understand the concept of laughter. You couldn't represent them if you wanted to. They think taking advantage of other people is a good way to have fun, but that's not even real laughter; it's cheap and shallow. Now, you represent something beyond laughter. Laughter can signify a few things, from amusement to irony to sadism. But your brand of laughter is always a result of happiness and a desire to spread it. There's a special name for that kind of happiness: it's called joy. Joy never comes at the expense of others, but spreads to all in its presence. That's you, Pinkie Pie. Like Applejack, I say you're misnamed. The Element of Laughter may be the official title, but your real element is joy."

Pinkie's hair had completed reinflation, and her coat was returning to it's normal shade.

"Alright, I got a new Element! I have the power!"

Pinkie coated herself in light, but emerged from the flash completely unchanged.

"Umm, Pinkie, I think if you do that, you're supposed to do a costume change with it."

"Nahh, Jack. If I did that, how could I call myself Pinkie Pie?"

"Can we get on with this? Hoop-dee-do, you kept me from corrupting Pinkie Pie. I mean, she's already chaotic enough by herself; it's not really that great a victory. She's only two of six, anyway. I've still got more work to do, so you two can hang around and make He-Man jokes. Discord is out!"

The draconequus disappeared in a huff and a cloud of smoke, revealing behind him a pink quartz gem, shaped like a trio of balloons.

"Okay, my Element! Now we can really have some fun! You want to stick around and party, Jack?"

"I wish I could, Pinkie, you know I do. But like he said, you're only the second of six. I have a feeling Rarity is next on his list, and as great as she is at whining her problems away, she's going to need back-up. That's where I come in. But we'll have ourselves one heck of a bash when this is all said and done."

"I'm holding you to that, Jack!"

"Hey, have I ever let you down?"

Climbing back to a perch on the hedge-line, Jack pondered his hastily-made promise.

Well, they say there's a first time for everything...