Friendship is G.I.

by KnightMysterio

Shots Fired

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Canterlot Castle…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The banquet seemed to be going well enough. After the initial fiasco with Blueblood had been resolved, and dinner had been served, the G.I. Joe unit got along famously with the various nobles there. Duke and the Queens got along well, while Lifeline conversed happily with Shining Armor about protective magic. Respecting Snake-Eyes’ desire for privacy, the ninja was allowed to leave and find someplace private to eat, Rarity quickly crafting a rather stylish black hood for his uniform, Twilight putting an enchantment on it to completely hide his face in shadow when unmasked, which the ninja was grateful for. Rock n’ Roll shared mission stories with the various nobles, always making sure to glance at Duke to see if the story he was about to tell was something he was allowed to tell. Lady Jaye chatted with Cadance, while Spirit and Mainframe spoke to Sunset and Twilight about magic, and possibly learning some. To Mainframe’s frustration, Spirit seemed to grasp the basics easier than he did, the Native American managing to manifest a small light spell with some effort. Roadblock seemed to get along best with Ember and Spike, fascinated by their recipes for gem-based food, while Pharynx was revealing a shockingly soft side, getting along great with Junkyard. (Much to Mutt’s relief.) Private Conner would occasionally speak, but mostly he just seemed overwhelmed by everything. Rainbow Dash took this as her cue to regale the young soldier with stories of her awesomeness.

Only Beachhead seemed to be unhappy. He enjoyed his food, yes, (Roadblock made it. There was no way it could be unenjoyable) but aside from that, he wasn’t in a very good mood. Occasionally he would glance over to the Queens, as Duke told them about Cobra, their primary nemesis. Both of them seemed alarmed, which Beachhead approved of. They seemed nice enough, and this world seemed rather idyllic. He didn’t want it getting torn apart by their war with Cobra Commander and his lunatics.

Pinkie Pie, playing a jazz trumpet, heralded the arrival of a massive array of cakes, fudges, and other sweets. Everypony was greatly pleased to see the goofy pink earth pony, who passed out slices of cake and ice cream to all the nobles.

“Your friend seems to enjoy jubilant celebrations,” Spirit said, sampling a bite of the black forest cake placed in front of him.

Sunset giggled. “Yeah, she tends to favor ‘birthday party’ over ‘soiree’ in terms of celebration. She’s gotten better at compromising, though,” she said. “Give her control over the desserts and she’ll not disrupt the ‘boring stuff.’” She then noticed that Spirit, along with most of the other Joes, had gone starry-eyed after sampling their cakes. Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Sunset, and Twilight just traded amused looks. Pharynx, meanwhile, frowned.

“Are you all right?” the changeling prince asked.

“Ssssssh,” Mutt said. “Having religious experience.”

Beachhead just stared worriedly at his slice of cake, having not tried it yet. Even Junkyard was having a happy reaction to the meat-style cake Pinkie had made for him. Pinkie Pie put a foreleg around Beachhead’s shoulder. “C’mon,” Pinkie said. “You know you want to…”

“Maybe later,” Beachhead said. “I like to keep my wits about me…”

“Oh, don’t be such a grumpy gus!” Pinkie cajoled. “I know you’ll love it!”

“I’m more of a pie kinda feller anyway,” Beachhead said, pushing his cake back. “But not right now, all right?” He gave Pinkie one of his infamous cadet-breaking glares, hoping she’d get the hint. She didn’t.

Twilight suddenly realized where this was going. “Pinkie…”

“Pies? We got pies!” Pinkie said, casting a smug look to Rainbow Dash, who just rolled her eyes. “We’ve got apple, cherry, chocolate, strawberry, rhubarb…”

“I don’t want anything sweet right now!” Beachhead said, his voice starting to become a snarl.

“But you said-” Pinkie tried.

“NO!” Beachhead roared, startling the Joes out of their food trances. At Duke’s questioning look, Beachhead stood up, and said, “I’m sorry, sir, I just… Permission to go get some air?”

Duke nodded. “You sound like you need it,” he said, Beachhead nodding gratefully and striding out of the hall.

Twilight sighed. Pinkie frowned, wincing. “I did the thing where I come on too strong again, didn’t I?”

“Pretty much,” Spike said.

“Maybe one of us could go talk to him?” Cadance offered.

“No,” Lady Jaye said. “He just needs some time to calm down.”

“If you’re sure…” Twilight said. She hated to leave a new friend feeling bad.

“I wish I could make it up to him,” Pinkie Pie said, petting Junkyard when the dog came over to nuzzle her.

Roadblock looked over the pies, and smirked. “Actually… I happened to notice that you don’t have Beachhead’s absolute FAVORITE pie,” the chef said.

Pinkie Pie blinked. “Oh yeah? What’s he like?”

“Well, the man will eat anything pie,” Roadblock said. “But the thing that will make him forgive even ninjas bullying him, is a good old fashion Southern Comfort treat – shoofly pie.” All the Joes grinned at that.

“...An odd name,” said one of the nobles. “Why is it called that?”

Duke chuckled. “Because its so good and so sweet, you’re gonna be shooing flies away from it while getting a slice for yourself.”

“That sounds AMAZING!” Pinkie Pie said, bouncing happily.

Roadblock stood up again. “C’mon back to the kitchens with me,” he said. “I’mma show you how to make it.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Elsewhere…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Beachhead grunted, and decided to just do a perimeter check of the castle. He told the guards nearby what he wanted to do, and they gave him a path to follow. He walked along the various halls, occasionally glancing around at the admittedly impressive architecture. He just couldn’t fully appreciate it, something he was mad at himself for.

“Y’know,” said a voice from the ether. “Most people are more in awe of this place. Especially foreign visitors.”

“Who’s there?” Beachhead demanded, eyes darting in every direction, his hand going to his sidearm.

“Relax,” said the voice, and in the dark hall, he noticed a slithering motion coming from one of the pillars. Beachhead whipped out his sidearm… only to find it turned into a chimicherrychanga, the soldier staring at it in alarm. “I’m not your enemy.”

From the shadows emerged a mismatched creature. Lion paw, bird talon, snake body, dragon’s tail, goat’s head… nothing about the creature was symmetrical, and in an odd way, there was a strange symmetry to him. He stayed partially in the shadows, smirking at Beachhead.

“What the hell are you?!” Beachhead demanded.

“Discord,” the odd creature said. “God of Chaos, and mostly reformed Spirit of Disharmony. And I also bear the dubious distinction of being the first villain to be defeated by this generation’s bearers of the Elements of Harmony.”

Beachhead blinked, remembering the stories from earlier. He looked down at his sidearm, which was back to being a gun, albeit one that was slightly grease-stained. As if it had been wrapped up in food. Scowling, he holstered his weapon again. “I remember you. From the stories. You’re goofier lookin’ in person.”

“Thank you,” Discord said, bowing as he stood up to his full, impressive, very looming height.

“You got any reason for bothering me? If not, then move along. I need some space,” Beachhead muttered.

“Yes, I did notice that you seemed to be rather put out at the party,” Discord said. “Not all that fond of cheerful pony stuff?”

Beachhead sighed. “I shouldn’t have yelled. She was just bein’ friendly,” he said.

“She was coming on rather strong,” Discord said, stroking his beard.

“Hnnh…” Beachhead sighed. “I just… My entire career, I’ve lived it by discipline and order. Follow regulations, keep to a pattern. I realize you probably don’t like that, being a Chaos… whatever.”

“God,” Discord said.

“Ain’t but one God, but whatever floats your boat,” Beachhead muttered, Discord chuckling. The soldier continued. “I was proud to be tapped for G.I. Joe. We’re the best of the best that America, and more recently other nations, have to offer. But it’s just… everyone’s so damn loose with regs. Discipline and order is what makes the army great. And yet sometimes I feel like I’m in a damn kindergarten class… Especially when meetin’ foreign dignitaries. I ain’t never been good with that friendly stuff.”

Discord shrugged. He took to the air and curled around one of the pillars in the shadowy room they were in. “My life has been fairly the opposite. I’ve eschewed order, regulation, and discipline my entire life, in favor of ‘tweaking’ the threads of reality just to see what happens. Oh, I’m guilty of hypocrisy of course. I’ve directly manipulated others to get what I want, done everything cruel in the book while writing new chapters for it, and tended to force my perspective of life on… well, all of life. But I’ve made friends since then, so I’ve come to rather appreciate the balance…”

“...You have friends?” Beachhead said, flinching when he realized he accidentally insulted the deity.

Discord took it in stride. “Not many,” he conceded. “There are some who find my penchant for pranks and puerile behavior rather perturbing. But, well…” A warm smile crossed his face. “I’ve found ponies who appreciate me for me. And for them, I’m willing to be good.” His smile turned into a smirk. “BEHAVING, on the other hand…”

Beachhead grunted, annoyed.

Discord chuckled. “Grumpy one, aren’t you?” he said. “Well, that’s fine. As silly as it sounds, the ‘Magic of Friendship…’” He gagged a little. “Guh. After all this time I still can’t even say it without choking on the triteness… Anyway. To actually get to the point other than the ones on my head, as much as I prefer chaos, it is balance, Harmony, that keeps the world spinning. You, Mr. Grumphead, are the order to G.I. Joe’s chaos. It may frustrate you that they’re aren’t perfect, but you keep everything in balance.”

Beachhead thought about that, and realized he felt a bit better. “I suppose,” he conceded.

Discord had dealt with Beachhead’s type enough to know that was the best he was going to get. “Hm… Since returning to the party doesn’t seem to be something that would help you, perhaps what you need is a friend who thinks as you do.”

Beachhead snorted. “You think you can find someone who appreciates discipline as much as I do?”

Discord smirked. “Come with me. There’s another pony here who chose to stay away from the party. One who I think you’ll enjoy…” When Beachhead hesitated, Discord said, “Do you honestly have anything better to do?”

After a moment, Beachhead shrugged and followed after Discord. The draconequus eventually led Beachhead out to a training yard, where a quartet of cadets appeared to be running an obstacle course.

And commanding them was a mulberry colored unicorn with a rose mohawk for a mane, her tail short-cropped. She wore a darker version of the royal guard armor, and wore a black bodysuit. Her horn was broken, and she had a scar over one eye. “Meet Fizzlepop Berrytwist,” Discord said. “Or as she prefers to be called, Tempest Shadow.”

“MOVE IT!” she ordered. “You wanted to do extra training instead of KP, so I’m gonna put you through your paces JUST LIKE I DO EVERY MORNING! MOVE MOVE MOVE!”

Beachhead went wide-eyed. “...Huh,” he said.

Discord smirked. “You two have fun now,” he said, disappearing in a swirl of candy corn after snapping his fingers. Beachhead barely noticed him leave, slowly walking down towards the training field, unable to take his eyes off the broken-horned unicorn.

Finally, one of the cadets, a lanky, pink-furred pegasus stallion, skidded to a stop. “Ma’am, is this really necessary?”

“You lot started a food fight,” Tempest said, scowling. “You said you’d accept training to get out of KP. We are training.”

Another cadet, a blue-furred unicorn mare, frowned. “Yeah, but I swear you’re going harder than usual on us.”

Tempest’s eyes narrowed. “This is the same course you ran this morning,” she said. “If you can’t handle it, maybe you’re not fit for the guard.”

“That’s not fair, Sergeant Major Tempest!” the pegasus whined in a tone that made Beachhead want to smack him.

“Hm,” Tempest said. She slowly walked forward, a gentle look coming to her face as her tone softened. “I suppose we could take it easier…”

“Yeah…” the pegasus said.

Tempest smiled gently at him. “And then maybe we could go to the party tonight… have cupcakes and tea…”

“Uhuh…” the pegasus said dreamily. “That’d be wonderful.”

Tempest gently cupped the pegasus’ cheek with her hoof… and slammed his face into the ground. Her horn stump blazed with lightning. “And if you’re dumb enough to believe that I’d allow ANY of that then you’re REALLY not fit for the guard! KEEP RUNNING!”

Terrified, the pegasus and unicorn took off moving, the two earth ponies having kept going. “You two do ten more laps because you’ve pissed me off!” Tempest snarled. “I will not allow laziness or dereliction in the Guard. I REFUSE!! You may think its hard, but everything I do will help you become better soldiers! So suck it up and KEEP MOVING!” It was then that she noticed Beachhead standing there, wide-eyed and blushing. It took her a minute, but she remembered Sunset describing the guests they’d be having tonight. “...Can I help you, sir?” she asked.

“...It ain’t fair,” Beachhead said softly.

“What isn’t?” Tempest asked, confused.

“...I finally meet the perfect woman and she ain’t even my species,” Beachhead said.

Tempest blushed. Of the many things she was anticipating, flirting wasn’t among them. “Buh?” she stammered.

From out of the corner of his eye, Beachhead noticed the quartet of cadets slowing down to watch. “I DIDN’T HEAR HER SAY STOP, RAWHIDES! IF THOSE HOOVES AIN’T CLIPPITY-CLOPPIN’ DOUBLE TIME ACROSS THE COURSE BY THE TIME I FINISH THIS SENTENCE, THEN I’LL MAKE YOU REGRET IT!” he bellowed.

“Sun and Moon save us there’s two of them…” the pegasus cadet said, running faster.

Beachhead nodded, blushing brightly. “Sorry, Sergeant Major. Didn’t mean to step on your command.”

Tempest, confused, happy, and oddly aroused, shook her head, smiling. “No, no, it’s fine,” she said, grinning.

Discord, from the shadows, chuckled and slid through them, emerging into the party room from underneath the table between Lady Jaye and Cadance.

“Oh!” Cadance said, smiling. “This is Discord.” She smiled at the draconequus. “We were just telling them about you.”

“I deny everything that doesn’t make me look like a pest,” Discord said, helping himself to a slice of cake.

Lady Jaye frowned. “Yes… Cadance was just telling us about the time you faked being sick to send her and Twilight on an adventure together.”

“Oh, they’d been apart for a while,” Discord said. “I felt they could use the bonding time.”

“It was dangerous, but it was fun,” Cadance said.

“Especially for me, since picking on Twilight is one of my great joys in life,” he said, reaching across the table and twirling Twlight’s mane on her head like it was a toupee. Twilight grunted in annoyance, clapping her hooves down on her head and twisting her main pack into place.

At which point a flower grew out of her horn. “QUIT IT!” Twilight barked.

“Never,” Discord said, smirking as Twilight incinerated the flower.

“You could stand to be nicer to her,” Cadance said, frowning a little. “She’s stood up for you a great deal.”

“And I do appreciate it,” Discord said, producing a mug of hot cocoa from out of nowhere. “Which is why I behave as I normally do around her. So she won’t think anything’s wrong.”

Twilight just groaned, head drooping to the table, Sunset patting her on the back reassuringly.

Discord, ignoring the amused/annoyed glares from Luna and Celestia, turned to Cadance. “At any rate, I have to say, love is a lot more fun than I first thought.”

“Oh?” Cadance asked. “While I’m appreciative, I’m not sure what you mean?”

“I played matchmaker tonight,” Discord said. “I introduced Tempest Shadow to Beachhead. They hit it off almost immediately.”

“…” Everyone in the room stared at Discord, who sipped his cocoa and silently reveled in being the center of attention.

“So you introduced the most feared and talented disciplinarian in Equestria...” Queen Luna said.

“...To the most feared and talented disciplinarian on Earth,” Duke finished.

“Fell in love instantly,” Discord said proudly.

“...Well, the cadets are doomed,” Shining Armor said.

“Hm,” Lady Jaye agreed.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Later that evening…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“That’s… that’s honestly brilliant,” Tempest said. After training had finished, the cadets sent home to have nightmares about two demon drill sergeants screaming at them, Beachhead and Tempest had sat on top of the hill overlooking the training yard, watching the sun slowly set. Beachhead was sitting crosslegged on the ground, and Tempest was laying with her forelegs on his lap. “I had honestly never realized how many ways you could fit a mudpit into an obstacle course.”

“You never know what sort of terrain your troops will have to go through,” Beachhead said. “Best to have them ready for anything, even if they are royal guards.”

“True,” Tempest said. “Things were too lax around here after Shining Armor went to the Crystal Empire. I checked with him, and I realized that the Storm King never would have gotten close to Canterlot if he were still leading the guard.” Her face fell a little as she reminded herself of her time as a villain.

Beachhead gently stroked her mane. “There was a guy in my unit, name of Storm Shadow,” he said. “Used to work for Cobra, the terrorist organization our group’s meant to be a counter to. Turns out, he was only working for them to find his master’s killer. Once he did, he defected immediately. It was hard to trust him at first. Especially since he took out some of my people. But the man earned his stripes.” He scowled. “Never really liked the smug son of bitch, but I learned to trust him.” He shook his head. “Point is, he earned his spot on the team, was one of our best. And if they’re trusting you with the recruits, then that means you’ve earned your place, Tempest.”

Tempest smiled, flicking her tail happily. “Thank you,” she said. Her face fell a little. “I couldn’t help but notice, though… was?”

Beachhead sighed. “Cobra took him back. None of the ninjas will tell anyone how it happened. All we know is that they did something to him that made Storm Shadow completely loyal to them again, and that he actively fights any attempt to capture him, even threatening suicide if it looks like there’s no other way to escape,” he said. “Damn snakes…”

Tempest frowned, nuzzling Beachhead. As she did, she gently sniffed at him again, blushing. Beachhead frowned. “...Okay, that’s five times now you been snufflin’ me, what’s up?”

Tempest blushed. “Ah… Sorry,” she said. “I realize this is sort of a major shift in mood to say it, but… I just…” She bit her lip, and said, “I really like the way you smell.”

Beachhead blushed brightly. “...You do,” he said slowly.

Tempest nodded, sheepishly pawing at his legs. “Yeah. It’s… it’s a very masculine, stalliony smell,” she said.

“...No one’s ever said I smell good before,” Beachhead said softly.

“Why not?” Tempest asked sincerely.

“I just... I don’t use deodorant, or anything like that,” Beachhead said. “A lot of times on a mission, you get dropped into a jungle or a swamp. And if you’re smellin’ like fresh linen or something like that, someone will smell you coming and put a bullet in your brain.”

Tempest blinked. “Seems reasonable enough to me,” she said, nuzzling and sniffing him again.

“Oh geez…” Beachhead said, gently stroking her mane. “Um… Are you okay with me doing this? I don’t want you to think I’m treating you like a pet or anything…”

Tempest smiled. “No,” she said. “It feels good.”

Beachhead smiled again. She’s wonderful, he thought.

He’s wonderful, she thought, smiling right back up at him again. The two of them sat in the fading sunlight. As they watched, Queen Celestia and Queen Luna took to the air. “Hm? What are they up to?” Beachhead asked.

Tempest smiled. “You’ll see,” she said.

As Beachhead watched, Celestia was the first to move. Her horn flared, and to Beachhead’s shock, a beam of light seemed to reach out to touch the sun itself, lowering it over the horizon. Luna was next, wispy wings of darkness flaring from her as a ghostly hand reached from her horn into the sky, pulling the glowing moon into view. As the stunned Beachhead watched, Luna flared her wings across the sky, the stars twinkling into view, forming a vibrant, almost crystalline tapestry.

“I have… SO many questions…” Beachhead said softly.

Tempest chuckled. “I don’t know much of the specifics. Twilight told us during the briefing on the first visits that your planet is very different from ours, as is your sun and moon,” she said, yawning. “That being said, I stayed up a bit later than I meant to.” She smiled at him, standing up.

Beachhead blinked, and looked at his watch. “Oh wow, yeah…” he said, blushing and saying, “I guess when you’ve got good company, you lose track of time.”

Tempest blinked. “You go to bed this early, too?”

Beachhead went wide-eyed, smiling as he realized. “Yeah, actually. I like to get up at around four in the morning, do a long distance run. Then I gotta get the course ready for the morning training…”

Tempest grinned slowly. She had the exact same habits. “Mind if I join you, then?” she asked.

Beachhead nodded happily “Not at all. You’d be more than welcome,” he said.

Tempest nodded. “Then I’ll see you later, big guy,” she said. “Best place to do a run is by the gardens. I’ll meet you at the guest barracks tomorrow morning and take you there.”

“Lookin’ forward to it,” Beachhead said, smiling and waving as Tempest trotted off. He could always swear that she was sashaying, showing off her butt for him. He pulled down his balaclava again, and almost drifted back into the castle.

Eventually, he met up with the others, who had all excused themselves to talk. “…Incredible!” Mainframe was almost babbling. “The sheer power they have… I don’t know if the Equestrian sun and moon are like ours, but even if they’re just a fraction of the size, what it would take to move celestial bodies…”

“You’re sure it was them actually moving them?” Lady Jaye said, looking rattled.

“I could feel it in my bones, Lady Jaye…” Spirit said softly. “It was… palpable. The force they wielded beyond anything we’ve ever encountered.”

Private Conner was just sitting on the ground near Duke, looking stunned. As they chatted, Mutt was the first to notice Beachhead almost floating towards them. He tapped Rock n’ Roll on the chest, pointing towards the Sergeant Major, Beachhead’s smile visible through his balaclava. Soon everyone else noticed too.

“...You okay?” Snake-Eyes signed.

Beachhead nodded. “I just met… the most wonderful woman…” he said. To everyone’s shock (and amusement), literal heart bubbles emerged from Beachhead’s body.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Elsewhere…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Tempest, humming happily, practically cantered down the hall towards the troop barracks. As she did, she encountered Shining Armor and Twilight, who had gone off to talk privately. She saluted them, giggling.

“You’re awfully happy,” Shining said. “Your meeting with that Beachhead guy go all right?”

Tempest giggled. “I know that probably nothing will come of it, that he’ll have to go back to his world, but still… I’ve never encountered anypony who understood me as well as he does,” she said.

“Oh yeah?” Shining said. “This is a first. Never really heard you giggle before.”

“Giggling?” Tempest said, shocked. “Me?” She thought about it, and smiled. “Well, I suppose so. I just…” She sighed blissfully. “He makes me happy. He’s great with the troops. And he’s clever! You wouldn’t think it form how harsh he can be, but he’s truly a-”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
With the Joes…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“-a wonderful woman,” Beachhead said, starstruck. “I’ve never met anyone I clicked with so well before! She’s got the most wonderful smile, too…”

The Joes all stared in a mix of amazement and awe. They’d never seen the infamous drill sergeant with such a happy look on his face. Never heard him GUSH like that before. Although Snake-Eyes and Lady Jaye had winsome smiles on their faces, both of them remembering what it was like to fall in love.

“Just, the way she moves! The confidence, the assurance… She’s as strong as an Abrams tank-”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
With the ponies…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“-or even an Ursa Minor!” Tempest gushed, grinning. She barely noticed the knowing grin on Shining’s face, or the happy grin on Twilight’s. She blushed, pawing the floor with a hoof and adding, “And… I know this is gonna sound a bit creepy, but… he SMELLS stalliony. I like being around him so much I even enjoy his SMELL…”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
With the Joes…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“She likes the way I smell,” Beachhead softly, with more than a little bit of shock. “I’ve… I’ve never had any woman tell me they like the way I smell before…”

You’ve probably never had ANYONE tell you they like the way you smell before, thought all the Joes at once, all of them visibly struggling not to voice that.

“She’s beautiful… I… I think I love her, guys. I-” Beachhead blinked. “Wait, does this make me a furry?”

It was a grand, epic war for the Joes not to laugh at the sudden question, Private Conner promptly fleeing down the hallway, chewing on his sleeve to keep himself from laughing. It was also a war Snake-Eyes didn’t even bother to fight, doubling over and actually falling down from how hard he was laughing. It took a moment for everyone to realize that the wheezing sound from the mute ninja was laughter. It was also a testament to how HARD Snake-Eyes was laughing that a furious Beachhead was able to get his hands around the ninja’s throat for a few seconds.

It was only after an annoyed Beachhead removed himself from the vase Snake-Eyes stuffed him into that he left. The others waited a good ten minutes to make sure he was out of earshot before collapsing in laughter themselves.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Later that night…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Pinkie had been disappointed that Beachhead had gone to bed so early, but Roadblock assured him that he’d love to have pie for breakfast. A few hours after Beachhead and Tempest Shadow had retired to bed, the Joes had as well.

Duke was laying in bed, writing about his experiences to General Hawk in the journal.

“The power of the Queens in incredible, sir,” he wrote. “Sunset and Twilight told us their planet is different from ours, but that still doesn’t change what happened. All of us, Spirit, Mainframe, Snake-Eyes, and Lifeline in particular, could feel the Queens manipulating gravity to move the sun and moon along.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
G.I. Joe HQ…
Hawk’s private quarters…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The general frowned as he read this. He began to write back. “Overall, what’s their power structure? Could they pose a threat to us?”

“Uncertain,” Duke wrote. “We demonstrated our firearms to them. They were visibly shaken by it, and those who seemed reluctant about this first contact event being our only contact seemed to lose their reluctance to it. The dragon queen seemed certain that she and her kind could take it, but Spirit could sense the doubt in her voice. The problem is magic, sir. There’s a lot of variables to take into account with it, and I’m not certain we’ve seen all of them. Telekinetic shields, weather effects… that along could be devastating. Instead of a giant Weather Dominator, Cobra could just send in a squad of four pegasi and start dropping tornadoes on cities. There’s something to earth pony magic I swear we’re not seeing, and the versatility of stronger unicorns is astonishing. And then there’s the alicorns. Sunset is mighty enough on her own, but her main talents seem to lay in governing. Twilight, on the other hand, has a quite frankly terrifying level of power. Cadance’s magic centers around the manipulation of love, which has implications I don’t like thinking about. And the Queens… I can’t even begin to describe how much their power frightens me. How glad I am that their society centers on virtue and harmony.”

Hawk frowned as he thought this over. He hated thinking like this, about how to possibly deal with threats from someone who could be a friend. But he couldn’t take any chances. He prayed that the next few days until the portal charged up again would go quickly. He liked the ponies, but the more he learned about them, the more disturbed he became. “Any others to worry about?” he wrote.

“Yes sir,” Duke wrote. “Discord. God of Chaos. He’s capable of rewriting reality literally with a fingersnap. According to Twilight, when he was first released he made day and night last seconds as he literally made the sun and moon dance through the sky. He’s capable of mass mental manipulation, and can change how science works just by being around it. Mainframe seemed to have a perpetual migraine around him. In addition, his raw, utter Chadness is sexually frustrating to me. It’s bad enough that I have to compete with Snake-Eyes for Scarlett’s affection, but I-”

Annoyed, Hawk wrote in the margins, “Discord, give Duke back the journal.”

The flow of words stopped, and in a new handwriting style, three words were written. “You’re no fun.”

“I’m the boss. I’m not supposed to be fun,” Hawk wrote back.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Pony world…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Discord snickered, handing Duke back the journal he stole from him, along with his pen. “I like him,” the draconequus said, vanishing in a swirl of Cheetos.

Duke shook his head, dusting the Cheetos off of his bed. “I truly hate that guy,” Duke wrote.

“He’s most likely going to be a pain throughout this,” Hawk wrote. “Stay on your guard and try to put up with it. A Chaos god doesn’t seem like someone you want mad at you.”

“I don’t like it, but as you wish, sir,” Duke wrote, muttering.

“Anything else I should know?” Hawk wrote.

“So far, Spirit’s made the most progress in learning magic, and is capable of using small light spells,” Duke wrote. He smirked, and added, “Also, because I know Ace is our resident bookie and would definitely make a bet like this, tell him that the first person to fall in love with a pony was Beachhead.”

“Wait, seriously?” Hawk wrote.

“Yep. And she reciprocates,” Duke wrote. He could almost Hawk laughing.

“So far, an interesting trip, then. Take care, Duke. Yo Joe,” the general wrote.

Duke chuckled. “Good night, sir,” he wrote. He set the journal down.

“Everything okay back home?” Lady Jaye asked. She and the others were on guard when Discord had popped in and stolen the journal (save for Beachhead, who was snoring away), but were all finally starting to relax.

“If there wasn’t, he’d have said something,” Duke said, laying down in the ridiculously soft bed. (He’d been amazed to learn that the guest beds were actual clouds.) “Get some sack time, people. We’re getting a tour of Canterlot tomorrow after morning training.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
G.I. Joe HQ…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Hawk had called assembly in the main lounge, knowing that the others would want an update on their comrades. Scarlett in particular was unhappy with Prince Blueblood’s behavior, but was satisfied with how the situation was handled. Overall, everyone seemed relaxed, if wary, especially of Discord.

Hawk smirked. “Finally, we come to the final part of our report. Ace, if you’d step forward?”

The pilot blinked, confused. “What’d I do?” he said as he stood up.

Hawk quirked an eyebrow. “Are you telling me you DIDN’T go around taking bets on who’d fall in love in a pony first?” the general asked.

A smirk spread over Ace’s face as he pulled out a notebook and a large sack of cash. “Well, I have developed a rep for it,” he said. “All right, sir. Lay it on me.”

Hawk smirked right back. “Beachhead,” he said. “Apparently, he found some‘pony’ he clicked with and… uh…”

The entire lounge had gone silent, everyone staring at Hawk in shock. Ace was making choking noises, his fingers tightening around his pencil to the point of breaking it in half. Hawk went over to glance at Ace’s notebook… and saw that the odds on Beachhead being the one to fall in love first were beyond astronomical.

“Wait…” said a rarely heard voice. “For real? Beachhead?” Everyone save Ace turned, startled, as Deep Six came forward, a rare smile on the reclusive diver’s face. Normally stoic and unfriendly, if professional, the grin on Deep Six’s face was unnerving, as was the laughter that came next. “HAHAHA! Holy shit, I just made that bet so Ace would go away!” He laughed, clapping his hands. “That’s fucking amazing! I love it! Gimmie my money, flyboy!”

“Kaggh,” Ace choked as Deep Six grabbed his winnings, ALL of the money gathered for the bet, and starting counting his prize.

“Fucking fabulous,” Deep Six said, chuckling. “Hey, Scarlett! Would a bridle be a good gift for them, or would that be more of a ‘fourth date’ thing? BAHAHAHAHA!! See you later, assholes!” Cackling triumphantly, he strode out of the lounge, leaving a stunned group behind him.

After a long moment of silence, Scarlett said, “...I didn’t know he knew how to laugh.”

That broke the tension for everyone but Ace, who just stood there making random noises while everyone laughed. Doc led Ace to the infirmary, while the ninjas all grouped up and began to plan how to tease Beachhead when he got back.

Shipwreck just shook his head. “Magical ponies from another world, Beachhead falling in love first, and now Deep Six laughing. Is it just me, or do our lives keep getting interesting?” he said.

Hawk laughed. “Have a good evening, everyone. Don’t stay up too late,” he said, leaving his team to end their day.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Pony world…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The Joes slept on. But for two of them, sleep was uneasy.

In his dreams, Lifeline found himself back in one of the worst moments of his life, early in his career. He had been captured by Cobra while defending a village of indigenous peoples in Congo, and forced into an arena by Cobra Commander, chained to one side of it. Cobra Commander himself, wearing his usual blue hood, calmly wheeled out a cart full of weapons. Lifeline braced himself, saying a prayer and silently praying that the end came quickly.

Then Cobra Commander began to set the weapons in his grabbing range. A pistol, an Uzi, an assault rifle, a shotgun, a pen knife with a launchable blade, some shurikens, an LMG, a minigun, and a rocket launcher. The other troops watched nervously, Lifeline giving the Commander a confused look.

Cobra Commander just smiled, stepping back and taking off his shirt and gloves, revealing his muscular upper body. “I’m going to have a little fun with the villagers we captured along with you,” he said in his hissing rasp. “If you attack me and injure in me any way, shape, or form, you all go free.” He smiled visibly through his hood. “That’s it. No tricks, no strings, just shoot me and you walk. It doesn’t even have to be a lethal injury.”

“...You know I’m a pacifist, right?” Lifeline said. “And a doctor. I can’t hurt others.”

“I know,” Cobra Commander said, condescendingly patting Lifeline on the cheek. “Which is why I’m sure that this will be absolute hell for you.” He motioned to a guard at the other side of the arena. “Incidentally, the conditions of your release have been explained to the prisoners,” the Commander added, putting on a pair of brass knuckles.

“What are you doing?!” Lifeline demanded as an elderly woman was brought out forcibly by a Viper. Cobra Commander chuckled, the woman cowering and trying to run back, the Viper shoving her right back into the Commander, who delivered a right hook to her ribs. They audibly crumpled under the force of the blow, the woman groaning and staggering, coughing up blood. “STOP IT!” Lifeline begged, struggling against the chains.

“You know what to do to stop it,” Cobra Commander said smugly. He picked up the woman and delivered and uppercut to her chin, bones audibly breaking as blood spurted out of her mouth once more. The crowd of Vipers watching the match cheered as Cobra Commander beat the woman to death, his fists reducing her head to a bloody mess as he struck her over and over again. Lifeline screamed, struggling against the chains, trying to free himself, to save the people. He glanced desperately at the guns.

I can’t!! he thought, renewing his struggles.

“Well, that was boring,” Cobra Commander said. “Bring out someone who can fight back!”

The Viper nodded, going back into the cells, tossing a young man out into the arena. He saw the old woman’s corpse and screamed, sobbing.

“Awww, was dat your Grammaw?” one of the Viper’s taunted.

“Now now,” Cobra Commander admonished, amused. “No need to rub salt in the wounds.” He glanced over at Lifeline. “In the native’s wounds, anyway.”

The young man looked to Lifeline desperately, screaming at him in a language he didn’t understand. Although he got the gist of it. Why aren’t you fighting back?

“I can’t…” Lifeline wept, fear and despair filling him. “I swore that I’d never pick up a gun…”

The young man gave Lifeline a look of fury that would haunt him forever. He glanced over at the Commander, and at the pile of guns around Lifeline… and made a dash for them. The Commander, however, was faster, tripping the young man up. “Ah ah ah,” he admonished. “Those are Lifeline’s guns. Not yours.” He cracked his knuckles. “Naughty boy. Papa spank.”

The ‘spanking’ turned out to be another ruthless beating. The young man managed to get a few good hits in, but the Commander, using skills taught to him by Storm Shadow, was simply too much. And in far less time than it takes to tell, the young man was just another bloodstain on Cobra Commander’s chest. Lifeline, wrists getting rubbed raw as he struggled against the chains holding him back, sobbed helplessly, feeling trapped by his own vow of pacifism.

“Hm…” the Commander said, looking over the bloodstains of his victims. “What do you think?” He turned to a nearby female Viper. “You think I have enough blood to draw our logo on my chest with it?”

The Viper giggled. “Just a little bit more, I think,” she said.

“Little? Good idea!” Cobra Commander said. “Bring out a child!”

Lifeline screamed, his voice a mix of fear, rage, and despair. He grabbed the pistol, swinging it up towards the Commander… and everything changed.

He was in his father’s church, alone save for two others. His father was there, bible in hand, struggling in the grasp of the Dreadnok pirate Zanzibar, the cruel man’s foul odor reaching Lifeline even from a few feet away.

“You just stand the hell back, mate!” Zanzibar said, ducking down behind the preacher. The one-eyed Dreadnok scowled as he held Father Steen by the throat, the gray-haired man glaring at Lifeline as he pointed the gun at Zanzibar. “I’ll kill the bloody bastard, I swear!”

“I am not afraid,” Father Steen said, the preacher scowling at his son. “I face God with a clear conscience.”

“Dad… Dad please…” Edwin said, sobbing, the helplessness like a crushing weight on his soul. The gun was shaky in his hand, and he could barely hold onto it. “I have to save you…”

“Only God can truly save, Edwin,” Father Steen said. “Put down that instrument of murder. Put it down NOW!”

Zanzibar frowned. “Uh, mate? He’s trying to save your life,” he said to his hostage.

“I will fear no evil, for God is with me,” Father Steen said. “Put down that gun, Edwin. This is a house of God and I will NOT let you bring such a sinful device in here!”

“Dad… Dad please, just let me-” Lifeline said.

“NO!” Father Steen shouted. “You shame yourself, Edwin! You shame yourself, and you shame me by holding such a vile instrument! This sinner is beyond saving, Edwin! Are you?”

“I’m trying to save you, Dad!” Lifeline protested.

“Bugger me…” Zanzibar said. “My pa wholloped me whenever I made him mad, but you’re a right asshole.” To Lifeline, he said, “Seriously, mate, I’m considering just killing him anyway and saving us both the trouble of having to deal with him.”

Lifeline cocked the gun at Zanzibar, tears streaming down his face. “Dad, please…”

“Put down the gun, Edwin. I did not raise you to be a soldier. I did not raise you to be a murderer!” Father Steen roared.

“Mate, he’s trying to save your life here,” Zanzibar said, honestly rather astonished at the reverend’s behavior.

“I am deaf to the words of evil ones!” Father Steen snapped at the Dreadnok. “Oh God, deliver my son from his evil impulses! Implore him to put down his weapon and repent for choosing the murderer’s path!”

“...Okay, you’re an outright bastard,” Zanzibar said, looking disgusted. “And speaking as an outright bastard, I should know. Your kid’s trying to save your life and you’re yelling at him.”

“Oh God,” Father Steen intoned. “Implore my wicked boy to drop his instrument of murder! I am ready to be received into your arms, oh Lord!”

“Bloody hell,” Zanzibar said, turning to Lifeline. “Mate, I’m doing you a fuckin’ favor right now.” He pointed his gun at the back of Father Steen’s head.

“NO!” Lifeline shouted, squeezing the trigger. The pistol jerked in his hand once, and Zanzibar’s good eye dissolved in a cloud of blood, the back of his head bursting open as the bullet passed through. Father Steen flinched, turning in horror as Zanzibar staggered and fell.

“Murderer…” Father Steen growled, his teeth grinding as he turned towards Lifeline.

Lifeline, the pistol falling limply from his hands. “I… I couldn’t let him kill you, Dad…”

Before Lifeline’s eyes, Father Steen seemed to change. He began to radiate with light, his teeth turning to fangs as he charged Lifeline, wielding his bible like a bludgeon. “MURDERER! INFIDEL!!” he snarled, viciously striking Lifeline over and over again.

Lifeline had taken harder hits. Punches from Vipers. Explosions. Stabs from all sorts of edge weapons. More bullet wounds than he preferred to remember. But somehow, those blows from his father hurt even worse. “Dad… Daddy please…”

Father Steen seemed to grow bigger as Lifeline defended himself from his father’s blows. (Or was Lifeline getting smaller?) Father Steen’s eyes blazed with fire as he battered his son with increasing force. “YOU’RE NO SON OF MINE!! I CAST YOU OUT! YOU ARE NO LONGER A PART OF THIS FAMILY!!!”

“BEGONE, MONSTER!!!”

Darkness swarmed the phantom of Father Steen, washing both him and the church away. A pleasant coolness washed over him, like a fall breeze, and he found himself floating in a field of stars on a meteor. He felt something nuzzling him comfortingly and jumped, crab-walking backwards, turning to see Queen Luna standing there.

“H-How…” Lifeline stammered, breathing heavily.

“Forgive me, Lifeline,” Luna said. “I am unfamiliar with how the dreams of humans work, otherwise I would have been here sooner.”

“...Dreaming,” Lifeline said softly. “I’m dreaming…” He sighed, slumping over on the meteor. “Yeah, that makes sense… I’ve had those dreams before…” He looked up at dark blue alicorn, who went over to sit beside him, nuzzling him again. Unable to resist, he put an arm around her, gently hugging her. “You can enter dreams, then?”

Luna nodded. “Indeed,” she said. “It is my job to guard my sleeping ponies, and to chase away nightmares, such as the ones you suffered. And even then, I usually just take a role of guide in a dream, unless direct intervention is needed.”

“Such as with my father,” Lifeline said softly.

“Was that… was that horrible person truly your father?” Luna asked, ears going back as she looked at the doctor with concern.

Lifeline said. “Yeah… The dreams… They were the two worst memories of my life. The first one, when I picked up the pistol to shoot the Commander… It was empty. He had no intention of letting any of us go and was just tormenting me.”

“A cruel man…” Luna said.

“Yeah…” Lifeline said. “I may have gone a little insane after that incident. I doubled down on my pacifism to the point where I literally wouldn’t touch a gun to save my life. When I was promoted to officer as a reward for battlefield valor, I ruined it on my first command mission. We were ambushed by Cobra Range Vipers wanting our supplies, and I told my unit to ‘shoot to miss.’” He shook his head. “It made sense at the time, but like I said, I was a little insane…”

Luna blinked. “That… seems counter-intuitive,” she said.

Lifeline chuckled weakly. “Yeah… Scifi, our laser specialist, relieved me of command and got us all out of there alive. Cost us the supply base, but that was my fault for letting the Range Vipers get so close with my ‘tactics.’ I was demoted and sent to Sgt. Slaughter for retraining. Only reason I wasn’t court-martialed is that Scifi spoke up for me.”

Luna nodded. “He sounds like a good man… And what of the incident with your father?”

Lifeline shook his head. “Dad never liked that I joined the army. I thought I made peace with him at one point…” He sighed. “...The other man was a Dreadnok, part of a group of mercenary bikers that Cobra employs frequently. They’re pretty much cannon fodder, but they can be dangerous with proper leadership. Zanzibar was separated from the others, and got into the church where my Dad was… I… I chose to break my vow never to do harm that day. I still won’t kill unless I absolutely have to, but…”

“But your father never forgave you for that one incident…” Luna said softly, nuzzling Lifeline.

Unable to resist, Lifeline began to pet her and scratch behind her ears. He blushed. “S-Sorry, I…”

Luna giggled. “It’s fine,” she said, nuzzling into his hand. “It feels good.” Her expression turned somber again. “What happened after? Were you able to stay in touch with him?”

“Him, no, my sister yes,” Lifeline said. “My sister and her husband effectively disowned him and made it a point to stay in touch with me. As for the Joes reaction… Ah… Is there any way to call up the memory?”

Luna nodded, summoning over one of the dots of light that made the stars around them. “Just touch it and think of the memory, and it will show it.”

Lifeline did as she asked. The dot of light expanded, becoming a mirror. It showed Father Steen beating Lifeline with the bible, having him on his hands and knees. A moment later, though…

“HEY!!” bellowed Beachhead, storming in with eyes ablaze with anger. He decked Father Steen, the priest’s nose shattering as he fell back. “Ain’t no one allowed to bully him but me! Is that clear you gawddamn disgrace to the cloth?!”

The mirror faded back into a dot. Luna grinned widely. “I like him. He’s loud,” she said.

Lifeline chuckled. “He does have his Southern charm to him,” he said. He hugged Luna, smiling. “Thank you. Just… just talking like this is making me feel better…”

Luna nodded. “I’m glad… And I hate to ask you this, but perhaps you could help me…” she said. “There is another of your number suffering a nightmare… But I cannot get in to ease his pain as I did with yours…”

Lifeline nodded. “I can try,” he said. Luna nodded, and brought over a glowing sphere. Lifeline knew whose nightmare this was instantly, recognizing both the Arashikage compound and the symbol blocking entrance to it, a series of long and short red lines in a vertical pattern.

“No matter what I try, I cannot get past this barrier… I do not understand this rune…” Luna said.

“It’s the symbol of Snake-Eyes’ ninja clan, the Arashikage,” Lifeline said. “And I’m not surprised you can’t get in… Cobra’s tried to use mind control on him so many times that he’s probably worked up a ton of mental defenses.”

“Could you perhaps convince him that I mean no harm? All I wish to do is alleviate his pain…” Luna said.

Lifeline bit his lip. He wanted to respect his comrade’s privacy, but his instinct to ease the pain of others was conflicting with it. After a moment, he walked up to the symbol, and placed his hand on it. “Snake-Eyes… Snake-Eyes, its Lifeline… Luna and I… we just want to help…”

The Arashikage symbol flickered. After a moment, the symbols changed to words.

I AM GRATEFUL FOR YOUR KINDNESS
BUT WHAT HAS HAPPENED
CANNOT BE CHANGED
YOU MAY WATCH
YOU MAY LEARN
BUT SPEAK TO NO ONE OF THIS
THIS PAIN
THIS DISHONOR
THIS FAILURE
IS SOMETHING MY CLAN
MUST DEAL WITH ON ITS OWN

Neither dream guardian nor physician was pleased with this, but they both swore on their honor that they’d keep this secret. The symbols vanished, and both Lifeline and Luna stepped into the dream orb… and in an instant, they were seeing through Snake-Eyes’ eyes. Feeling what he felt. The two watched, a passenger in the ninja’s mind as he relived one of the worst days of his life.

Snake-Eyes watched with pride as his students sparred with one another. The sun rose peacefully over the beautiful stone of the mountaintop compound that housed the ancient home of the Arashikage. Storm Shadow and Scarlett sparred for the students, clad in simple black uniforms, while the disciples who had made it to the G.I. Joe team did their own training at various places around the temple. Dojo, clad in blue, yellow, and white, taught the youngest students, Dojo the only one there who was qualified enough to be a teacher aside from Storm Shadow and Snake-Eyes himself.

Snake-Eyes noticed an argument breaking out among some of the disciples, and strode down the steps to break up the argument. He glided down the steps of the ancient temple, passing through the falling leaves. Jinx, Storm Shadow’s cousin was there, looking ready to garrote the young disciples she was arguing with.

“What’s going on here?” Snake-Eyes signed, his mere presence enough to break up the fight, Jinx bouncing respectfully while the disciples bowed in fear.

“We… We were protesting the samurai’s presence here,” the leader of the disciples said, pointing. Everyone looked over, and saw a man wearing a samurai kabuto and armor practicing his sword technique by himself. Snake-Eyes recognized him as Budo. A member of the G.I. Joe team and Jinx’s lover. “We were just going to-”

“They were going to throw paint balloons at him, Snake-Eyes,” Jinx said angrily.

“It’s just a harmless prank!” one of the disciples said.

Snake-Eyes glared at him. “One could argue,” he signed, “that having to clean paint off of your armor is not harmless.”

“He is not Arashikage!” protested another disciple. “He’s not even a ninja!”

“I see,” Snake-Eyes signed. “Would you protest Scarlett’s presence then?”

“I…” the first disciple who had spoken up stammered. “I… No. She is your bride, and part of the clan.”

“And if Budo should ever get off his ass and propose to Jinx, then he shall be Arashikage as well,” Snake-Eyes signed, amused at the blush that appeared on Jinx’s face. “In addition to that, Budo is a good man who has earned Jinx’s heart and the approval of both myself and Storm Shadow. Shall I bring him into this discussion?”

The disciples went white with fear at the thought of confronting an annoyed Storm Shadow. “N-No!” they yipped.

“Your souls lack balance. Perhaps you need training in it,” Snake-Eyes signed. “Perhaps cleaning up all of the fallen leaves in the entire compound while standing on your hands will help you achieve it.”

The dismayed disciples looked over the sprawling compound. “...All of it?” the youngest disciple asked.

“All of it,” Snake-Eyes signed. “And incidentally, if you miss dinner by the time you are done, then you don’t get any.” He clapped his hands, and the disciples, groaning, got to their work, hopping onto their hands and scuttling off.

Jinx bowed in gratitude. “Thank you, Snake-Eyes,” she said.

Snake-Eyes chuckled silently. “I mean it, though. You two are a lovely couple. You should get married,” he signed.

“Yes… well…” Jinx stammered, blushing. “We’re… working up to it…”

“Ah. So you are the coward, not he,” Snake-Eyes teased.

“Shaddup!” Jinx said, immediately bowing. “Sensei.” Snake-Eyes laughed silently, and motioned her off, forgiving the lapse of respect. He went over to where Scarlett and Storm Shadow were teaching, the two of them finishing up their sparring match.

It had been an impressive one. Scarlett, clad in a black bodysuit similar to Snake-Eyes, was a fast learner, and since marrying Snake-Eyes and officially being inducted into the Arashikage, she had become a skilled ninja, with an impressive array of kicks. But she was still no match for Storm Shadow, the white-clad ninja almost casually dodging Scarlett’s blows and countering them.

A final shoulder throw, deliberately designed to toss Scarlett into Snake-Eyes’ arms, ended the spar. Snake-Eyes caught Scarlett easily, holding her bridal-style. “Snaaaake, your brother is bullying me,” Scarlett said, grinning.

Storm Shadow snickered, a smirk on his handsome face. “Is it my fault you cannot counter a simple counter-counter-throw? No, it is not,” he said.

Snake-Eyes rolled his eyes, gently setting down Scarlett. The intelligence officer grinned, pulling up his mask long enough to give him a kiss on the lips, a happy warmth filling the ninja. “No comment on my punishment for the unrulies earlier?” he signed.

Storm Shadow chuckled. “Ah, the curse of having the ‘Ear that Sees,’” he said, referring to his abnormally intense hearing. “No, that seemed appropriate enough for so banal a prank. Although honestly, I would have liked to see them try to actually hit him. I would have loved to see their faces when that fool Budo cut their balloons out of the air without getting so much as a drop of paint on himself.”

Snake-Eyes smiled. “Jinx would never let them get that far,” he signed. “She-”

“A moment,” Storm Shadow said, holding up a hand for silence. A confused look crossed his face, and he rubbed at his ear.

“...What’s wrong?” Scarlett asked. “What’s coming?”

“I can’t tell,” Storm Shadow said. “Some kind of ship, but-”

“COBRA AIRSHIPS INBOUND!” Jinx shouted, she and Budo running back into the main compound.

“...Their stealth technology is improving,” Storm Shadow said, pulling his mask on.

“All children get inside right now!” Dojo roared. “All advanced disciples, form up under the Joes and get ready to fight! Storm Shadow, Snake-Eyes, and Scarlett are in command!”

“Get to hidden positions and get ready to intercept!” Scarlett ordered. “NINJA VANISH!!!”

Smoke bombs burst, filling the plaza of the temple with smoke. All of the gathered ninjas vanished, using their talents to blend in with the shadows, with the shrubbery, with the stone. Only Storm Shadow could hear the quietly drawn swords, the Joe ninjas readying firearms and bows, and only Snake-Eyes remained visible, ninjato in one hand, Uzi in the other. He deliberately made himself a target, so as to lure the Cobra troops into a killbox.

A single Cobra helicarrier, accompanied by a squadron of Mamba helicopters, hovered above the temple, shrouding it in darkness. There was a thumping sound, and a large shipping container was discharged from the helicarrier, hover jets lowering it down gently into the center of the temple.

Snake-Eyes frowned in confusion, cautiously approaching the container. The moment he took a step forward, though, the container burst open, fast moving, moonlight-white robots swarming out of it. They were tall, at least seven feet, resembling emaciated humans in appearance. Their heads looked like B.A.T.s, but unlike the regular battle android troopers, these possessed mouths filled with razor-sharp fangs. From their long, clawed arms emerged whiplike tentacles that moved with minds of their own.

And they were fast. Shockingly fast.

Snake-Eyes managed to damage one with his Uzi, but the machines themselves moved almost as skillfully as he did. In addition, the tentacles in the arms seemed to have minds of their own. It was only because of his sheer skill that he managed to cut them. But as soon as he did, the tentacles seemed to regrow. In far shorter a time than it takes to tell, Snake-Eyes was trapped up and helpless, the ninja having flashbacks to the Cobra-La mess when he was trapped in the living forest. He tried to flex his way out of the metal cables, but electricity surged through them, the ninja for the first time in his life regretting that he carried so much metal on his person.

Slumping over in the cables, he could only watch helplessly, the B.A.T. holding him in the air like a trophy as the other B.A.T.s systematically hunted down and captured the other ninjas, thunder echoing through the temple. A couple of the robots were destroyed by Budo, but from what the barely conscious Snake-Eyes could tell, it was because they were specifically designed to fight ninjas, while Budo fought using straight up kenjutsu. None of the others could land a blow, as if the B.A.T.s were specifically programmed to counteract Arashikage fighting techniques.

Snake-Eyes struggled to get out of the cables, but every time he did, the B.A.T. electrocuted him again. As he hung there in the grip of the mechanical monstrosity, someone else began to walk out of the container. Hatred surged through Snake-Eyes’ heart as he looked into the smirking, hooded face of Cobra Commander.

“Do you like my new A.N.B.A.T.s?” Cobra Commander asked, his tone pleasant, almost conversational. “And yes, the A.N. stands for Anti-Ninja. You can call them Electro-B.A.T.s if you think its too silly.” Snake-Eyes looked around, seeing his students getting knocked out, while his fellow Joes, including his beloved Scarlet, were captured. Cobra Commander chuckled. “I tell you what, it was a pain getting these things to work right. Expensive, too. The tasers were a last minute addition. My Ninja Vipers threatened rebellion if they were active during the testing phase.”

Snake-Eyes just sneered at him, trying to reach for a knife to cut free of the cables. The A.N.B.A.T. sensed his movement, and sent a shock through the cables again, the ninja twitching and slumping over in its grasp, smoldering.

“Naughty naughty,” Cobra Commander said, wagging his finger admonishingly. “You just stay put while I have some fun.” He turned to one of the A.N.B.A.T.s and motioned it over. “Bring me Storm Shadow.”

The two A.N.B.A.T.s holding Storm Shadow, keeping his limbs spread-eagled, scuttled over, Storm Shadow visibly smirking beneath his mask. “It took two of them to bring me down, brother,” he snarked. Snake-Eyes just let his head droop, shaking it in disbelief at his sword-brother’s confidence.

“Are you SERIOUSLY going to have a dick-measuring contest NOW!?” Scarlett said.

“It’s a guy thing,” Storm Shadow said. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Sassy creature, isn’t she?” Cobra Commander said, smirking as he yanked Storm Shadow’s mask off, revealing his handsome face.

“You’re one to talk,” Storm Shadow said. “You’re giving off some MAJOR yandere vibes right now. I know, I never call, I never write, but baby, the love just wasn’t ever there.”

“Cute,” Cobra Commander said, eyes narrowing. “Real cute.”

“S’what the ladies keep telling me,” Storm Shadow said. “Speaking of which, I never did properly repay you for killing that one girl I was fond of. I think I’ll start by peeling the skin off of your dick and making a little hat out of it. And then-”

Cobra Commander snapped his fingers, the two robots electrocuting him again. Storm Shadow screamed in agony as the electricity ripped through him, slumping over once the charge ended. Panting, he managed to laugh again. “You know… Constantly trying to get me back into your service is getting rather old… What, are Slice and Dice not working out?” Storm Shadow teased.

“Slice and Dice are excellent assassins and terrible bodyguards,” Cobra Commander said. “No, you were special… I felt I could sleep at night with you by my side…”

“Okay, I was just teasing when I said you were in love with me, but the way you’re talking right now isn’t really helping,” Storm Shadow laughed, the other Joes starting to grin as well, Storm Shadow’s confidence infectious. Cobra Commander just smiled, and whispered in Storm Shadow’s ear for a few moments. As the Commander spoke, all of the confidence drained out of the ninja’s face, replaced by utter terror. “You wouldn’t…” he said softly. Those two words, spoken with rarely heard fear, sent a chill through the hearts of all those present.

“You’ve known me long enough to know that I would,” Cobra Commander said, having not lost his smirk this entire time.

“Brother…” Storm Shadow said, his voice quivering with fright, the sound making the other ninjas frightened as well. “Brother… What they have planned… Please, don’t let them take me…” He began to struggle again, screaming as the A.N.B.A.T.s holding him began to electrocute him once more.

Snake-Eyes and the other Joes began to struggle in earnest, thrashing about in the coils holding them, getting shocked in response. One by one, the ninjas all slumped over, unconscious, as the pain became too much for them. Despite the shocks, Storm Shadow kept fighting, screaming and pleading for rescue. Snake-Eyes was the last to fall, the last thing he saw before everything went black being Storm Shadow’s fear-twisted, tear-stained face begging for rescue, the last thing he heard being Cobra Commander’s mocking laughter alongside his brother’s pleas…

Luna and Lifeline were both kicked out of Snake-Eyes’ memory, Luna falling to her knees and weeping. “Monster… That man… a monster…” she stammered.

“I remember that day,” Lifeline said softly. “The base was radioed, saying that something had happened and you all needed help.” As a weeping Luna and stunned into silence Lifeline watched, the words appeared on the memory bubble again.

IT WAS THE COMMANDER
HE RADIOED YOU AFTER ESCAPING
WANTED US ALIVE TO SUFFER
THE A.N.B.A.T.S ALL LEFT THE BASE AND SELF-DESTRUCTED WHEN HE WAS OUT OF RANGE
HE WAS MOCKING US
HE MOCKS US STILL

“I’m sorry…” Luna said. “A memory this powerful… I wouldn’t even begin to know how to comfort you…”

THANK YOU FOR TRYING
I HONESTLY APPRECIATE IT
BUT THIS IS SOMETHING OUR CLAN MUST DEAL WITH ON ITS OWN
REMEMBER YOUR VOW

Lifeline nodded, as did Luna. “None shall hear of it from me,” she promised.

“I think you should talk about it,” Lifeline said. “But I won’t say anything until you are ready.”

The memory bubble floated away, leaving Luna and Lifeline alone. Lifeline sighed. “Thank you too, Luna, for pulling me out of my own nightmare,” he said. “I think I’ll be fine for the rest of the night.”

Luna stood up and nuzzled the medic. “If you’re sure,” she said, visibly concerned.

Lifeline nodded, smiling. “I am. Thank you again,” he said.

Luna nodded as well, frowning as she glanced in the direction Snake-Eyes’ memory bubble had traveled. “Then I shall leave you to your rest, then. I must attend to other dreamers tonight,” she said.

“Will we see you in the morning?” Lifeline asked.

Luna shook her head. “Most likely not. As I am the ‘night shift,’ I usually am asleep during the day, sharing only breakfast and dinner with my sister,” she said. “I can skip a night or two if required, or if there’s an event such as this evening’s dinner, but usually our times are separate.”

Lifeline smiled. “A shame. I’d love to ask you about dream magic. It seems like an amazing way to help others…”

Luna chuckled. “We’ll see, my friend,” she said. “There’s still time before you have to return. In the mean time, please enjoy a different kind of dream to help you relax.” She spread her wings and flew off, black feathers swirling about Lifeline as he found himself in an entirely different kind of dream.

In it, he was in a rather lush apartment, wearing only a silk nightgown. And with him was a very special old friend of his, the elegant heiress Bree Van Mark. Lifeline blushed happily as she pulled her own nightgown aside, revealing nothing underneath. He and Bree didn’t work out, but they were still friends. Yes, he’d be enjoying this dream a LOT more than the other one…

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The next day…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Shipwreck, Cover Girl, Wild Bill, and Cross Country all sat together in the commissary, engaged in casual conversation as they ate breakfast. “PT wasn’t too bad today,” Shipwreck commented idly, feeding a grape to his parrot.

“Heh. Lack of Beachhead screaming at us to move faster,” Wild Bill chuckled, pouring syrup over his pancakes.

“Yeah,” Cover Girl said, smiling. “Don’t get me wrong, Stalker’s a great trainer, but he lacks Beachhead’s ability to make everything seem like survival training.” The four of them laughed. They all respected Beachhead, but the man was a merciless taskmaster in physical training.

As they ate, Barbecue came up to them, glad in civilian clothes, a simple t-shirt with a map of Boston on it and a pair of bluejeans. “Hey guys,” he said.

“Hey, Barbecue!” Cross Country said. “Didn’t see you at PT today. You slackin’?”

Barbecue chuckled. “I just got back from leave a few minutes ago,” he said. “Gimmie a break! I wanted to say hi before checking in with the general.”

“Wait, what?” Cover Girl said, she and the others giving him a confused look. “What do you mean ‘just got back?’”

“Like I said,” the Bostonian said idly, stealing a grape from Shipwreck’s platter and munching on it. “I just checked in with the guards a few minutes ago. Was gonna do final check in with the general, but I saw they were serving breakfast and figured I’d snag some chow first.” Barbecue swallowed the grape and smiled. “Hey, what’s all the scuttlebutt about alien ponies I’m hearing?” He noticed the four of them staring, Wild Bill’s sunglasses sliding down his nose. “...Something wrong?”

“You… You can’t have ‘just got back,’” Cross Country said, his already thick Southern drawl intensifying as he got nervous.

“Yeah!” Shipwreck said, pointing. “We, we all saw you talking to Private Conner, one of the greenshirts! You were wearing your uniform, the one with the…” Shipwreck’s hand began to shake as a horrible thought occurred to him. The growing expressions of horror on the faces of Cross Country, Wild Bill, Cover Girl, and Barbecue showed that they were thinking the same thing. “…the helmet with the tinted visor that covers your face, so no one can see who you are.”

Zartan.

“GENERAL!!” Cross Country screamed as the five of them ran for General Hawk’s office, abandoning their breakfast.

A few minutes later, an alarm sounded across the base.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Equestria…
Canterlot castle grounds…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Duke, the Joes, an assortment of Royal Guard recruits, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer, Queen Celestia, Shining Armor, Cadance, Discord, Ember, and Pharynx all stared at the obstacle course. Snake-Eyes, Ember, and Pharynx looked moderately impressed, while Rainbow Dash was fidgeting, trying to hide how nervous she looked. Twilight Sparkle and Sunset Shimmer were both staring with jaws dropped, while Queen Celestia and Duke were keeping their faces as neutral as possible, unable to hide the twitch in one eyebrow. The Joes, Private Conner in particular, and Royal Guardsmen all looked horrified. Shining Armor was facehoofing, while Cadance was giving Discord a glare, the draconequus just BARELY restraining himself from laughing.

In front of them was a twisting maze of pain, punishment, barbed wire, magical traps, and mud pits that the two Frankenstein scientists known as Tempest Shadow and Beachhead had created earlier that morning. The two of them, both sporting happy smiles, stood in front of their monster of an obstacle course.

“Well? What do you think?” Tempest Shadow said.

“We’ve both run it ourselves, and its perfect,” Beachhead said. “Quite possibly the best we’ve made.” He turned to Tempest, smiling. “And I couldn’t have done it without you, Tempest.”

Tempest giggled girlishly, which astonished Twilight and the guards, heart bubbles flowing from the two drill sergeants as they looked at each other.

“I think,” Duke said slowly, “that you’ve finally managed to out-sadist Sergeant Slaughter.”

Beachhead grinned. “Thank you, sir!” he said, saluting.

Thankfully, for Duke’s nerves, a unicorn guard came running up to them, carrying the communication journal in his magical aura. It was blinking bright red. “Oh thank God,” Duke said softly, grateful for the distraction. “What is it, soldier?”

“Forgive me,” the guardstallion said, “but I was passing by the guest quarters on routine patrol when I noticed the journal glowing. I thought you should see it.”

“Duke…” Twilight said, looking worried, “when the journal is glowing red like that, it means that there’s a very important message inside.”

The Joes, worried, all came up to Duke as he frowned and opened the journal, reading it. After a moment, he slowly closed the journal and looked up, his expression dark.

“I liked Private Conner,” Duke said softly.

Private Conner blinked. “Sir?” he said, sounding confused.

“Private Matthew Conner was a good kid. He had potential,” Duke said, turning and whipping out his sidearm, pointing it at the Private’s face, the Private yipping in fear and raising his hands. “And he didn’t deserve to be killed, Zartan.”

The Equestrian natives all gave Duke a confused look. The Joes, save for Conner, went wide-eyed in recognition of the name, their expressions turning to rage as they started to draw their weapons.

Private Conner just chuckled. “If it helps,” he said in a voice much deeper than the one he had been using, “he didn’t suffer. I was in something of a hurry, after all.”

“It really doesn’t,” Duke said.

“Didn’t expect it would,” Zartan said, doing a snap kick to Duke’s chest that sent him sprawling back into the crowd of ponies and Joes. He turned to flee, pulling a hood over his face as he grew about a foot in height, his youthful features becoming harsher and older, black marks appearing over eyes that turned almost completely green.

Before he could get very far, though, Snake-Eyes tackled him to the ground, slamming his face into the dirt hard. Zartan tried strike back, but Snake-Eyes, burning with fury, grabbed Zartan’s arm and broke it, the snap audible over the field as the shapeshifter screamed in pain.

“Snake-Eyes, we need him alive for interrogation!” Duke commanded.

Snake-Eyes, keeping a firm grip on Zartan, whirled on his commanding officer. “I know,” Duke said. “He killed your Master. He’s killed a lot of people and deserves what you want to do to him.” He shook his head. “But right now, we need to know how much HE knows, how much he was able to get back to Cobra Commander.”

Zartan snickered despite the pain. “Oh, you’d be surprised,” he chuckled, Snake-Eyes slamming his face into the ground again, the ponies all flinching while Pharynx and Ember watched in approval, Discord hovering above them all and watching with bemusement.

Lady Jaye came up to Zartan and gripped him by the hood, threatening to yank it back. “I’d suggest cooperating,” the intelligence officer said. “In addition to a VERY grumpy ninja with a blood vow against you, we have the literal embodiment of this world’s sun with us. So I’d suggest cooperating, Zartan. We’re NEVER going to let Cobra get a foothold in this world.”

And then Zartan said something that chilled them. “...You really don’t know,” he said softly. And then he began to laugh.

“What are you talkin’ about, you gawddamn chameleon?!” Beachhead roared.

“Oh! Oh this is perfect!” Zartan said. “Cobra Commander was so paranoid when he realized you were coming here. He thought he had been found out but you STILL don’t know!”

“What do you mean!?” Lady Jaye demanded.

“We’ve been in Mythos, in Equestria itself, for the past FIVE YEARS!” Zartan said, laughing.

Fear gripped the heart of everyone present, even Discord looking alarmed. “...W-What?!” Duke said. “That’s… we’d have noticed! How have you gone under our radar for so long!?”

“That’s not the question you should be asking,” Zartan said, grinning demonically, blood streaming down his face. “What you should be asking is this: ‘How many of my greenshirts are actually Cobra blueshirts?’”

The Joes were confused for a moment… and then realized, to their dismay, what he meant.

“No… NO!!” Duke shouted.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Cobra facility…
Earth…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“You’re patched in, and Zartan’s given the code phrase. That’s your cue, Commander,” said a grinning Tele-Viper, the words ‘Dis gon be good’ flashing across her visor.

Cobra Commander, a demonic grin on his face, gripped a microphone, and sung one line.

“Crashing through the sky, comes a fearful cry…”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
G.I. Joe HQ…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

“What the fuck…” Private Davis said as Cobra Commander’s voice came over the loudspeaker. “Hey, Corporal, what was that abou-”

He stared as Corporal Angela Hicks took off her uniform shirt and tossed it into her locker, opening a hidden panel and pulling out a blue shirt with a distinctive red cobra symbol on it. She smiled apologetically at him. “Sorry,” she said. “Duty calls, and all.” Before Davis could say anything else, she shot him in the face.

Davis went down hard, spraying blood from his bullet hole as around her, more of Hicks’ fellow Cobras killed greenshirts next to them. She smirked, pulling a helmet out of the hidden panel of her locker and putting it on, along with the vest that symbolized her status as a Cobra Officer.

“All right you snakes,” she called out. “The Commander’s given the word! Let’s get this invasion started! COBRA!!”

“COBRA!!” the other troopers screamed back, charging out into the base.