//------------------------------//
// Chapter 40: How to Draw Out a Nut 
// Story: Pandemic: Starting Over 
// by Halira 
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I was at a loss. We couldn't go in to remove the humans; otherwise, they would almost certainly start shooting. They probably knew at this point we suspected them being there. They had avoided Malcomb for years and hadn't attempted to hurt him, so that meant they weren't inclined to go hunting ponies—at least up to this point. There was no telling if that might change after they knew we were aware they were there. Something needed to be done for everyone's safety. 

"Malcomb," I said in a tired voice. "You say they have neighbors that are still living nearby from before ETS that knew these humans?"

"One of them for sure, Miss Gretchin. She seems to like to gossip," Malcomb replied. 

I nodded. "Maybe we can get her help to convince them we aren't dangerous, but how do we best communicate with them without sending them in a panic?"

"Starlight could just teleport in there with a shield up and tell them ponies aren't dangerous," Trixie suggested.

"That would have them firing guns right away!" Starlight protested. "I could shield myself, but they might hurt each other in the process, and it isn't going to convince them we mean no harm if I force my way in."

Trixie rolled her eyes. "Well… the night pony just pranced in with no problem."

"Not exactly," Josie replied.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "What did you do? That was a lot of detailed information you got. I have heard of scrying spells, but what did goes beyond anything I ever heard of. Maybe I'm wrong. Starlight, have you heard of scrying spells that are that effective?"

Starlight shook her head. "Not without a prepared area to be scryed on or an artifact. I'm not an expert on every obscure piece of magic, so there might be something I don't know about."

Josie shuffled her hooves nervously. "I'd rather not say exactly how I did it. I could talk to them safely if I wanted to, but it would probably lead to them panicking as well."

"So, that's out," I said as I considered options. I was still curious about Josie's magic, but it wasn't going to fix the immediate problem. 

"I’ll post some SPEC guards here tonight to protect the property," Number said. "These are intruders on one of Wild's properties. These humans may have previously owned the property, but failure to pay property taxes means the state seized it, and they lost ownership. Posting human guards should help protect you and the foals for the night."

"We could just call the regular police," Starlight suggested. 

Malcomb shook his head. "These people sound like conspiracy nuts who think the world is out to get them. If the police go in there, it's going to be trading fire."

I needed to know exactly where they could get. "Josie, you said passages all through the house. How and where can they go? I'm guessing their bunker is a whole secret room below us, but what about the rest."

She nodded. "The passages are very narrow; some of them aren't even passages, but crawl spaces in the floor. The primary passages are a pair of extremely narrow stairs that go up each tower and exit out the ceiling into the room—there's a drop-down hatch with a fold-out ladder. Most would be tight on the sides, even for a pony, but can be managed if they walk slowly and sideways. The passage to the sewer is the only one that has a normal hallway width and height and leads out to a proper iron door. The passage in the basement is wider, but requires them to get down and crawl to get through the exit. The bunker goes out under the east wing behind the furnace room. I'm not good at estimating square footage, but it is one big open room, bigger than the basement, with a lot of support pillars. I could draw a map if you like."

"The bunker might have been an old storage or service area in the sewer that they expanded," Number said thoughtfully. 

"They can't get anywhere else?" I asked. I remembered that the tower room seemed smaller than it should, and the red brick seemed out of place. They must have bricked up the stairs to hide them. 

Josie shrugged. "Technically, they could crawl through some of the floors, but it would be literally crawling on their bellies, and I didn't notice any regular passage out of that. They could bust through the floor, but that would be a pretty impressive feat if they are already crawling on their bellies."

"Desperate people will try desperate things, especially if they feel they are cornered," Number said with a sad shake of her head. "If we close their entrances or put guards at them, they may very well try breaking through the floor."

Which still left us wondering what the hell to do about the armed and extremely paranoid humans under our feet. 

"Okay," I said and took a deep breath. "I would like those guards, but just to stay near me and the foals—and Malcomb."

"Thanks," Malcomb mumbled.

"What I'm going to do is attempt a peace overture," I concluded. 

Trixie raised an eyebrow at me. "And how are you going to accomplish that?"

"I'm going to write them a strongly worded letter," I answered. Everyone looked at me as if I was insane. "I am not kidding!"

"A letter?" Starlight repeated in disbelief. "How are you going to deliver them a letter?"

"I figured they are exiting out regularly, slamming doors to hide their movement, stealing crabapples, and everything else," I replied. "I will simply leave a copy at each possible place they can exit and assume that they'll find at least one of the copies."

"Which tells them you know where they are and how they get out. I'm not sure that is going to ease their tension," Josie replied in a doubtful tone. 

"Depends on how I word the letter. And I know how to talk to people when I need to."

"I can't possibly think of anything you could say to make them trust the alien equines they think have conquered the world," Number deadpanned. 

I arched an eyebrow at her. "Do you have a pen and paper in your bags?"

Number sighed and lit her horn, levitating out a composition notebook and a pen. I took them up in my magic and began writing on the first blank page I found. I spent a minute or two considering my wording, and when I finished, I gave the notebook back to Number to read. 

The blue unicorn read the note, gave me an incredulous stare, turned back to the message to re-read it, looked at me again like I was insane, and then proceeded to read the note again. 

"What's it say?" Starlight asked. "You don't seem impressed."

Number shook her head. "She explains that since they haven't paid property taxes, they are no longer owners of the house, and says they now owe rent for the past seven years. She is also charging them for the groceries. She even has totals listed, which I assume she just made up off the top of her head, and says that if they have questions about their charges, to leave a note where they found this one."

"You're giving them a bill?!" Malcomb asked. "How in the world does giving them a bill help? Plus, isn't that going to piss them off?"

I nodded. "Oh, it will. It is supposed to."

"And why would you want to do that?" Josie asked in confusion. "Making them mad is the exact opposite of what we want to do."

I smirked. "Have you ever had to deal with crazy conspiracy theorists before?"

"I try to avoid it," Josie replied. 

"They love to argue and tell you how they are being mistreated. They tend to be the same people that will demand you get your manager if they don't get their way in a store—very entitled people," I explained. "I'm giving them something to feel entitled about and argue about. They won't even bother considering that ponies are aware they are there; they'll be too concerned about yelling about the bill."

"Trixie does not expect this to work very well at all," Trixie said as she looked at the notebook. 

"I don't either," Starlight said. "But I suppose that at the very least, they'd be confused about why we aren't attacking them and are instead demanding money. I know I'd be."

"We're opening a dialogue," I replied. "It also happens to be a dialogue that doesn't involve threats of violence. Evil aliens they don't know how to deal with… someone sending them a bill they disagree with, they sure as hell know how to respond to that."

"I don't know if it is genius or if Sunset has finally lost it," Number said as she re-read the note again. "She has set the terms of engagement, and the terms of engagement are… customer service."

"I still want SPEC agents near the foals to protect them, just in case something goes wrong," I insisted. I gave Number a concerned look. "And I hope they are agents this time and not IT people."

Number nodded. "We're reducing the size of SPEC's security force after closing shop on many of our research installations. The government cut most of their research contracts with us after the Cataclysm, and we're trying to refocus on economic aid and development more. As a result, SPEC security has been reduced to about a tenth of its previous size, which is still very expensive without those government contracts. However, we still have enough agents to spare in this area."

I felt a small urge to argue they should have fought to keep more of those contracts since that was the largest part of SPEC's outside funding and that it was our duty to understand magic better through research and development, but it wasn't my place anymore. It would probably have been an uphill battle anyway. After the Cataclysm, it was a miracle the government kept any contracts with an organization involved in the largest magical disaster in history. Wild's course was the right one, refocusing the organization on philanthropy to rebuild SPEC's reputation and goodwill. I needed to keep my mouth shut about things I left behind.

Number closed the notebook and put it in her bag. "I'll make copies of this, make it look official, and Miss Woods can put them in their appropriate places. While she is doing that, I'll make some calls."

I nodded. "I'm going to go talk to the foals. They are completely unaware of what is going on."

"We'll join you for that," Starlight said. "Trixie and I will still spend the night. I'm assuming you have extra rooms for us."

"We have plenty of those," I chuckled. I then turned and headed back to the family room with Starlight and Trixie following me.

Lántiān was on the couch, nursing Qīng Yǔ. The three colts were engaged in an action figure battle, although the war was primarily between Shǔguāng and Líng while Méng sat with the transformer and moved its parts around. I almost smiled that at least one of the colts that the transformer was interesting.

Lántiān took mediate notice of me as I came in. "What is going on, ma'am?"

"We have some unexpected co-habitants, but the matter is being dealt with," I said confidently. I looked at the tiny pegasus that was nursing. "I thought she was on solid food."

Lántiān draped a wing over her daughter. "She has mostly waned off my milk. I am barely producing any at this point, but she has picked up on the tension in the air, and this is comforting for her, ma'am."

"Trixie thinks she is adorable," Trixie said. We all looked at her, and she gave us a defensive look. "What? I like small foals, as long as they aren't mine."

"What do you mean by co-habitants, ma'am?" Lántiān asked. "Are there animals loose in the house?"

I walked close to her and whispered. "We have a family of humans that have been living below the house for years. I am going to try to draw them out peacefully."

She raised an eyebrow at me. "A yes would have sufficed, ma'am."

Don't slap her. Don't slap her. I repeated silently to myself. 

"Anyway…" I said through gritted teeth. "We are going to have some guards for the duration. There are a few additional places I don't want anyone to be until the matter is sorted out. Those would be the basement, any of the towers, the kitchen, or wherever that sewer entrance is outside."

"The kitchen? How am I to prepare food, ma'am?" she asked in a concerned tone.

"You don't have to prepare every meal," I replied. "As for tonight. I was going to order pizza."

Shǔguāng and Líng's heads shot up. "Pizza!" they yelled in chorus. 

Lántiān sighed. "They have been eager to sample that American dish since you exposed them to that cartoon, ma'am."

"You'll get to try it tonight," I said with a grin. "I figured I am going to be placing a massive order. Enough to feed us and all the guards that will be coming to watch over us. Wild is going to be throwing us a massive pizza party."

"Cowabunga!" the two older colts shouted in chorus. 

"Howunge!" Méng shouted happily.