//------------------------------// // Apple-land // Story: The Small of Life // by Jack Lindqvist //------------------------------// Okay, so get ready for something absolutely crazy. It will be more crazy than your craziest dreams, and maybe, more crazy than that. I’ll tell you what. You haven’t seen crazy until you heard what happened. I started my day doing the normal things that I normally do, and it was all normal. Don’t ever question that. I was handling the pigs, and doing all sorts of things. Do you want me to go through that too? It’s not important. Yes, I was feeding them, and I did my normal routines, and it was all what it is. It’s like, whatever, you know, like, it’s all a normal day, but then, this happened. Are you ready? This happened. I got a letter, and yes, it wasn’t just like any old letter. It was an invitation that someone had sent for the opening of a wild new ride, on an amusement park called Apple-land. Okay, so first of all, what? Apple-land? That’s one of the dumbest things I ever done heard in my whole life. Apple-land? What’s an Apple-land? What’s that supposed to mean, exactly? Well, my friends, it is the dumbest thing that has ever happened to me in the history of my- of my career as a pony, all my cotton-picking life. All it that ever happened, and, I’m just so upset, but anyway, suffice to say, I mean, first of all, this all happened right when I woke up, so I’m not holding anything from you. Yes, I did my normal chores. You know about them, Twilight. It’s the apple-bucking and the feeding of the animals. I think I had to fix some things too. The hinges on a door were broken, totally off, but that only took a few moments. You have to be practical about these things. And I hope I was. I hope that’s what happened at least, but then, it all just got worse, and crazier. Even more crazy! Okay, so strap up, my friends. “I need to go,” I said to Apple Bloom. Apple Bloom was acting, well, Apple Bloom, but I felt I had to stand my ground, just this once. For sure, I had to. This was serious. “I need to figure out what in the world happened, and I need to do it myself, on my own. It’s important.” “No you don’t,” she said. “I could come with you.” “Yes, I do, and no, you can’t. No, this is for me to do, please. You have to understand this. I need to do this on my own. This isn’t no pleasure-ride.” “Judging,” Apple Bloom said, “from this thing.” She held up the letter. “I wouldn’t be all so sure about that.” “What do you know?” I said. I meant well, but I felt I had to be putting my hoof down. This wasn’t no game no more, no, siree. No. I had to be serious, and take things seriously now, because nothing like this, I mean, I have it hard even talking about it because it makes me so angry. But I’ll try. I will. “What,” Rainbow Dash said, “is it that makes you so upset?” Okay, get this. I wanted to know why this would even happen, how and why. There’s nothing weird about that. Tell me that there’s something weird about that. There isn’t. There ain’t. But then, okay, I said. I’ll go and see what’s going on, so what I did was, I took the train. I stood at the train station and waited for my train. “Hello there, a’miss,” a guy came up to me and said. I said, “Well, hello there, mister. How’s things going for you?” “Oh, nothing much is happening for me,” he said. “I’m just doing my job.” This guy seemed like a nice guy, at the time. I stayed and talked to him. “I’m just trying live my life. I got a weird letter.” I looked around to where the letter was, you know, not even thinking. Well, this guy, and I think we can all guess who it was, bumped into me, just a little bit. He looked like a train conductor by the way. Fat chance. He walked away from me, and when I checked my bag, I saw that the letter, the one I got, was gone, without no trace. It was off and gone and forever too, and I couldn’t find. No, you’d better believe that I couldn’t find it, ladies, and, um, ladies. You guys, this is ridiculous. I couldn’t believe my eyes, and right then and there, my suspicion was arisen, and I started to question everything. Who was this conductor? I decided that I would go and find him on the train. We took off, but as we did, there was a different conductor on the train, or was it? I ask you this. Or was it? Was it? Was it? I don’t know. This whole thing is driving me crazy. I tried speaking to him. He was a calm guy, seemed kind of like he didn’t have a lot of energy. He didn’t look at me. Well, that didn’t stop me from looking at him. I noticed nothing suspicious in the least, except, I know what it was. It was that the guy was wearing the exact same clothes, but they looked all too loose on him. Well, isn’t that suspicious? Anyhow, I knew like right then and there that this guy was a changeling, and I was going to have a good old chat with him, let him explain himself. There’s nothing to say about that. It is what it is, and so, I had the conversation with him. “Okay,” I said. “Pay up or shut up. Where’s the letter? I know it’s you. Not as if I don’t recognize you, a’sir.” “Okay,” he said. Green fire burned around him, and he turned back into a changeling. He was still wearing the clothes, but they looked even looser on him, because he was so tiny. “Here you go,” he said, tossing the letter to me. “Why do you have to be so low?” “Oh, we got ourselves a rhymer too,” I said, grabbing the letter. “Just stay out of my way, whoever you are.” “Ugh,” he said. “Can’t nothing- I mean, anything, ever go my way? I hate today.” He sat down on the ground. “Where’s the actual conductor?” I said. “You’ll figure that out,” he said, “if you can listen to this. He’s gone away from the train, amiss. I think he’s, how they say, out the window, and, because I threw him out with the with the tow, I think he’s dead, and, um, shred?” “What?” I said. “You can’t be serious.” “I threw your baggage out too, a’miss,” he said, winking at me. "I did it when you were on your way to the cart, this.” He pointed at the wall beside him. “Okay,” I said. “So this is a lasso.” I pointed at my lasso. I swung it, catching him. “And this is you in the lasso, buddy. You’re going to jail, at least. Maybe worse.” “We’ll see about that, you stupid little fat, bat!” he said, stumbling over his words, turning into a tiny filly, slipping out of my lasso, and then opening the door of the train. “You’ll see. I will have you, at that. Heheheeeh!” He turned into a pegasus and flew out the door of the cabin. I didn’t even know how to react because I thought it was so stupid. “What the- in the, and the, huh?” I looked out the train. “You’re just a flea,” he said, flying outside it. Now, this is when I realized that this guy wasn’t just a villain. He actually has some sort of mental problem, but he’s the one that’s responsible for Apple-land. I don’t have to tell you. You can see for yourself. Later, I’ll show you. But this had all gone way out of hoof already. It was too much. Too much. Too much. I didn’t know how to handle it. And so, I got upset. I was angry, way too angry for my own good. I wanted to shout at someone, or even something. Something is probably better, I think. It’s something that you have to do sometimes when you get angry. At least I do. I felt I had a conniption. I wanted to scream. I really did. I looked out the train again. The lunatic was still there. “Hello,” he said. “How you doing, Apple-freak? You stupid little thang you, you pathetic little squeak.” He took a deep breath. “Of a person. You're worse than, rotten apple stew. You." "This is not good," I said. "Just get over here. We can talk about this. There's no reason to get all crazy on me." "That's where you're wrong," he said. "You won't last long." He flew out of view and disappeared. I didn't know who he was. I didn't understand yet. If I had, then getting off the train and following after him, somehow, even if it meant stopping the train, would be priority number one, for me. We'll get to all that later though. The train stopped, as trains are tending to do, as trains, ugh. Just, I'm too frustrated to talk. I walked outside, and saw the strangest vision. Listen. I don't even know what to say to this, but I will try to describe it as best I can. Okay, so it was a giant open area, and it was filled with wooden wagons, such things. Are you following this? This is really one of the worst things that has happened to me in my life. I walked through the area. It's hard to describe, you know. It was all over. The place was covered with these wagons, and they were spread out all over. I think the ground was made of some kind of hard stony surface. I couldn't make out what it was. I'm not used to seeing these things, y'hear? I don't know. But I walked through the stupid place. Then I saw it. It was a big shining sign, with my name on it, and it said Applejack's Apple-land, and there was I, all smiley and gooey, my face. No, serious, it was my face. Can you- are you listening to this? Rainbow Dash jabbed her hoof into her own nose. "I'm multitasking." "Okay," Applejack said. I walked into Apple-land, and it was a carnival. There were rows of boxes with games, cotton candy, and the whole carnival thing going on. I thought it was pretty weird, and I had a hard time accepting any of it. I didn't even- I couldn't. Ugh. Rarity said, "I hope telling this story with be therapeutic for you, honey." "Yeah, I hope so too," Rainbow Dash said. "Ow." Blood ran out of her nose. "Can you pause for a moment? I need paper." "Okay," Applejack said. "I think it's important to note," Twilight said, "that mental illness is no joke, and if this guy really does have mental problems, whatever. He's a bad guy, but he still needs help." "I agree with you," Applejack said. "I agree. But still, there's no excuse for anything that happened. "It's not as if you were about to form a friendship with him anyway," Twilight said. "He's a crazy changeling. He has a few screws loose. There's something wrong with the fellow." Rainbow Dash came flying back with paper pushed against her nose. "Continue, my fairest apple," Rainbow said, making a bow. "Stop messing," Applejack said. "No, this is serious business." "You can go on," Rainbow said. I walked around, looking at the sights. Then, all eyes turned toward me. Ponies came up to me. "Applejack," a child said, pointing at me. The place was swarming. I didn't know what to do, run or hide? "Yes," I said, reaching out my hoof to shake the child's hoof. We did shake hooves. "Nice to meet you, little- um, little guy." I couldn't even, fathom. That's the word. Fathom. I couldn't. This is not something that normally happens. No, this is- I don't know. Maybe I'm being overly dramatical with all this. Still though, I think it was a crazy day. Not normal. Weird, and strange, it was, to be sure. I didn't even, and then, and with the, and, I'm just so upset still. Anyway, the parent of the child came up to me. "Can I take a picture?" she said, holding a camera. "M'kay," I said, almost not wanting to say the words, but whatever, you know. She could take the picture. She did. "She took a picture of you?" Twilight said. "Celestia knows this will be a long afternoon if you keep interrupting." I took the picture with her, I did, and I walked to buy some cotton candy too while I was at it. I needed energy for what I was about to do. I heard woos in the background of it all, and I saw there was a rollercoaster. Applejack's rolly-coaster, the sign said. I was having a conniption. "Hello," I said to the cotton candy-guy. "Do you know where the, um, management of this place is?" "You of all ponies should know," he said. "Yeaaah," I said, not really knowing how to explain this. "Anyhow, I just want to go, um, talk to someone?" I tried looking for words. "That's okay," he said. "I think it's that big building over there." He pointed. There sure was a big building, not a far way aways from where I was. I ran there, stuffing my face with the cotton candy. "I need to talk to someone," I yelled to no one in particular. I just wanted everyone's attention. I wanted this whole shebang to stop, and fast, because I was tired of it already. "Why- what is this place? And why does it exist?" I got some curious looks. I ignored it all. I just kept on running forward, doing my own business. They could mind theirs, if that so pleased them, but I was busy, and I needed to talk to someone, before going crazy. I knocked on the door of that building, that there big one in the middle of the place, and it opened. I was invited inside, by a big round pony. Now, remember this, because this is very important. This guy was some sort of business-guy-fella, and he was dressed in over-dramatic clothings. He had a robe, and a hat. I didn't even want to look at it though. Most of all, I think I felt that I needed an explanation. I'm sorry, but I felt really bad and nauseous in that moment, and so, I had to do something. I grabbed the guy. "What is this place, you jokester?" He shoved me off. "Come in and we can talk." "No," I said. "You come out and we can talk." I turned around toward some other ponies. "Hey! You know that I didn't even know this place existed? Someone been creating it without even asking for my permission? What's up with that, y'all?" Some ponies stopped. The guy with the hat laughed, a sheepish laugh. I could tell that I had him in that moment. He was gonna have to explain this thing in front of all the ponies in the crowd. I had him for sure. "Okaaay," I said, looking at him and then to the ponies. "Listen up, ya'll." I looked in his direction. He picked off his hat. "I don't really know how this could've happened. Can't you come inside, and we can talk about it?" He looked around, all nervous-like. "Nnno," I said, pushing my nose against his. "No!" I turned toward the crowd again. "This ends now. I want an explanation. What is Apple-land?" "'Kay," he said. "I'll explain, but please come inside." "Charlatan," I said, pointing at him. Then, well, y'know what happens next. They were all standing in the middle of the map-room, now! Surrounding Applejack, all did, as she told her little story. I walked along, thinking that nothing was wrong, talking to the crowd, when another Applejack came up to me. "Don't be listening to her," she said. "I'm the real Applejack, I am." "I don't even talk like that," I said. "Okay, so this is the point where thing start getting nutty, not earlier, but now," Applejack said, glaring straight through the room, straight through the heads of all ponies involved in the storytelling procedure. "Follow along now, because you're in a for a crazy ride." No," I said. "I can prove that I'm the real Applejack." I reached for the letter, but when I looked, it was gone, without any trace, like someone had stolen it, almost like someone had stolen it. Someone had stolen it. "You stole it." I pointed at the other Applejack, who stood in the crowd. "Me? I ain't no thief," she said. "That's not even a real southern accent." I stomped my hoof down. "Why, in all tarnation," the other said. "Quiet, you." I jumped the other Applejack. She slipped off in another direction. I looked around. I couldn't see her anymore, but I could see another pony, now a green stallion, with spots, who said, "Applejack would never attack someone. She's the impostor." "I'm not an impostor," I said, against this silly accusation that he tried to make against me. "She was the impostor. Why did she just try to run off? And where did you come off, if I can ask you, sir?" "Where did I come from?" he said, pointing at himself. "Whatever do you mean?" The crowd looked at him. More ponies were gathering. The guy with the big hat still stood there behind me. He said, "Maybe we should go inside. This is drawing a lot of eyes." "Do you think I'm an impostor?" I said to him, asking point-blank. He was either gonna answer it or not. That's for sure. I was keeping him on a leash, to make sure he behaved the right way, the way I wanted him to around the crowd, and if he was gonna accuse me, well then, I was gonna accuse him back. And that's what I was going to do. That's how I felt about the whole situation. "Do, you, think, I'm an impostor?" I said again, louder. "No, you come with me." I grabbed him and dragged him into the crowd. He was offering resistance, but I just pushed. I wouldn't stop pushing. I had no plans of doing so. I would keep on going, and continue. This guy, and everything. Why had everyone been so rude and mean around me these last few hours, I thought. Why can't it just- argh. I stopped him in the crowd, and I said to him, "Now, you explain yourself to me right now, because I don't know what to do. I had nothing to do with this place, and if I had nothing to do with it, then I can only guess who was behind it. You ever seen a changeling?" "A change-a-ling?" "Don't play dumb with me now, mister. No, you know what a changeling is. Either that, or you pulling my leg. Don't be acting stupid now, in front of everyone, and if you lie, I will make you pay for every second of time that you wasted, and that I never get back." "O- okay," he said. "Honestly." He turned to the crowd. "I have no idea what's going on. Either this is the real Applejack, or that other one is. I have no idea what's going on. I'm just trying to run a business. Now, I don't know where you grew up," he said, turning to me. "But you don't ever reveal the business, so can we please go inside and talk about this there instead?" "Reveal the business?" I said. "Ruh-veal, the, bussinessss." I was about to get really angry, but then I calmed down. "Okay, we walk inside." And we did. "Okay, lemme get this straight," I said. He just sat there in front of me, at his typical, corporate-type desk, doing his corporate type-stuff, just sitting there, being a corporation-guy. "It's business," he said. "Okay," I said. "So you met this business person mare, person, person, um, person." I honestly was so upset, I had a hard time getting the words out. I have a hard time getting my words out right at this moment. "That was me?" "I swear on on my children," he said, hoof to chest. "I have no idea how anything like this could've happened. Like I said, I'm just trying to run my business. Is that so strange? I don't think so. Would you like a cup of coffee?" "No," I said. "You aren't understanding me. I never signed any stinking, stupid contract." "Never?" "Never in all my days have I heard such poppycock." "Never?" "Never ever, and for that matter, never. I want you to explain yourself to me right now, or I don't know what I will do." I think I was stressing myself up too much, but you can't blame me. This whole thing is not something that happens normally every day to a pony. To have an amusement park called Apple-land built in your name is something strange, and all of this was running like syrup. No one was responding to me. No one was helping me. Everyone was being unhelpful, if anything, so what do you do in a situation like that? I don't know. I'm just asking. But I was upset with this guy. Make no ifs or buts about that, girls. He wasn't upset with me. He was acting all cool and calm, thinking, maybe, that he had the situation under control. If that's what he had been thinking, then he hadn't met the real me. "Also, I demand- I don't even know what I demand. Maybe money for building a darn amusement park in my name? How's that?" "But we're already sending money to you." That does it, I thought. "You know, I've been having this conversation with you, trying to make sense of the situation. You been sending money to me? I run an apple farm, with my family. I'm not an amusement park business person. You need to watch your mouth when you're saying these things, and also, I never wanted this. I never wanted this, any of it, to happen. Apple-land? Really? You been sending money to the wrong Applejack? I'm having this place closed down for sure. Just you wait. I'll get in contact with someone, anyone. I won't allow this to continue, and you can kiss your dirty apple money goodbye, forever." I walked, nay, stormed out the guy's office, furious, and fuming with the intention to do something about all this nonsense. Not now, not ever, would I accept it, especially with how degrading and stupid this guy been acting toward me. I would get to the bottom of this, or die trying. That's really how I felt, my lips to your ears. I got out of the building. First, I walked toward the exit, but then, I saw the rollercoaster. What in the world, I thought. I walked to the place, the building where the rollercoaster was, and thought that I maybe should be going back, and out the exit, but I wasn't sure. Maybe I should try it out and see what happens, I thought, and I did, and I paid the guy at the entrance, and stood in some line, drawing eyes, and then, a bunch of wild paparazzies, or tourists, same difference, took a bunch of photos of me. I thought about leaving, but I had already paid. Someone came up to me. "Hello, Applejack," she said. "I'm your biggest fan." "What're you a fan of exactly?" I said. "Just, you're a hero, you saved Equestria several times." I frowned, couldn't help it. "You not gonna give my friends any credit?" "Oh, yes, of course. Them too. Can I take your photo?" "Well, you don't see anyone else asking for permission," I said, not wanting to answer her question, and also, not really caring. I began to realize that standing in this line had been a mistake. I figured leaving, but then, I would've paid those bits for nothing. Oh, what the heck, I thought. I'll endure this, whatever it is. It isn't that bad, I guess. A bunch of ponies, out of nowhere, really out of nowhere, started shouting my name. I still didn't believe it, couldn't believe it was happening. "Similar to me," Rainbow said. "I couldn't believe it either. That was a pretty nuts day." "Nuts," Applejack said. "Nutty." "Crazy," Pinkie said. "My day was pretty normal." Everyone looked to Fluttershy. She just stood there, being quiet. "Never mind," she said. "Well, good for you," Rainbow said, mock-clapping. "I'm jealous. Super-jealous." "Hard days build character," Applejack said, crossing one leg in front of the other. "Hard days also build wounds, terrible wounds," Rainbow said. "What a bunch of posh." "Well, whatever," Applejack said. "Full of poppycock," Rainbow said. "Can I just tell my story?" Applejack said. "Yes, I never stopped you." Applejack nodded. "Then hear this." I kept going about my day, waiting in this crazy line that seemed to go on forever. Timewise, I was stuck here, stuck in the mud. Not able to move! I think I waited for a good thirty minutes before I reached the end of that line. Now, I was forced to talk to all these strangers, and it isn't that I don't like talking, so don't you be thinking that I'm complaining or nothing, but these ponies weren't really acting like your normal conversation partner. They were really on me, and I felt like I couldn't get away, because what? Was I gonna walk out the line? Yeah, right. I paid money, and I believe that when you've started something, you should see it through. It's a policy o' mine, y'hear? Yes, so then, I walked in the rollercoaster, and there wasn't much drama or bling. Off we went, into the skies. We just kept going and going and going. I felt nauseous, but I also learned an important lesson that day. I don't think I like rollercoasters very much, and I don't see what them have to do with apples. But then, I also learned another important lesson, and that's that you should always watch your back. From behind me, and I didn't even know where it was coming from, but something came flying. What was it? Was it a pie? No, I'll tell you what it was. You might find this thing interesting, maybe not, and that's that I was being put out of awareness by a dart that came flying out of nowhere, hit me in the head, of all places. Now, where have we heard of that before? Whoever would ever do such a thing? Well, I'll tell you who. I won't bury the lead, the way Rainbow did. It was a person by the name of Esceforn. How do I know his name? Well, this happened. You following this? This is one of the dumbest things that ever done happened. I woke up in a tiny room with a lamp. "Boy, that was a close one," I said, or at least my voice did. I wasn't the one who said it. Who did? I looked around, searching for the source of the voice, not knowing where it come from, and then it struck me. I looked at my hooves. They were black. "What?" I said. Applejack, well me, walked out of the shadows. She looked at me. "Well, well, well, what have we here?" she said. "Look what the cat dragged in. If it isn't a changeling, by the name of." She paused, pressing her hoof into her cheek, thinking. "What be your name, my little friend?" It wasn't my accent anymore, not even close now. It sounded like a mix of accents. "I'm Applejack," I said. "Let me go." "You can't be you anymore. Look at your body." My hoof didn't have holes in it, like those of a real changeling, and now, when I was really paying attention, I saw that the black on my hooves smudged on ropes that I was tied in, and then I realized, right then and there, I was tied in ropes. "When I get out of here," I said, "why, I don't even know what I will do." "When," the other Applejack said, "is a darn tootin' word. What a good fun word." She swung her hoof, and nodded. "What's-a you doin', Applefreak? Trying to ruin my plans. Now, that's not very nice, is it? T-t-t-t," she said, smacking her lips. "What to do with you? Do we dare just letting you run out there?" She pointed to the wall. "And let you keep on drawing everyone's cotton-picking attention to you? Nah, I don't think so." "What are you going to do?" I said. The Applejack-copy of me that stood in front of me turned back into a changeling. He had a curious scar over his right eye. I wonder if he had been abused. "My name's Esceforn," he said, reaching out his hoof to me. I realized that this changeling was the only one I know of, except for Thorax's brother, that is still black, not green, like the rest of them. He laughed. "Oh, right." I wiggled in my ropes, trying to get loose. "Well, that's too forlorn. Too oooh," he said, holding his head. "Oh, I need to get out of here. I don't feel to good when you're there, and I'm here, near, fear? Yes, I fear, who? You, you I fear, and why? Ay, I guess I will tell ya, and that's your stupid, no good policy of honesty, you hear me? I can't event think straight." He sank down on the floor. "You aren't just normal-crazy," I said. "You're on another level of crazy. Something's happened to you. Untie these here ropes. Let me help you." "I think," he said, standing up, "that we could maybe help each other. Ugh! I- nnnother," he said, groaning. "Can't think of a rhyme. Time? No! I don't feel very nice, right now. How? I- I can't think." "Seriously, this is not good," I said. "Just untie me and we can talk about this." "No, you're lying," he said. "Or wait, no. You're not-t-t-t-t, lying? Flying? Sorry. Sorry. I can't stop rhyming." "You acting like you're manic," I said. "I seen this before. Lemme help ya." "Business," he said, "is running smoothly. And business, running smoothly, soothly, softly soothing, brooding?" "Why can't you stop rhyming?" "I don't know," he said. "I really don't know nothing about no-how, to show. That was a better one though, no? I did it again. I feel like I'm, ten? No, I feel good. Really good, I feel like, would, I be, if you." He grabbed his own head and walked to the wall. "Stupid." He leaned against the wall, and sank down. "I'm so stupid, stuped-id, being stuped, stupe, ugh! I should've just told you the truth to begin with- with- with." He turned back into Applejack. "Why can I never just be myself?" "Oooh, I see. When you've turned into other ponies, you don't have to rhyme." "Yes." I nodded at that. "So you have to live your life as other ponies. I can see why that can be a hassle. Can you untie me now?" "Everything was going so well," she, the now Applejack, said. "Can't you just join me? We could build Apple-land together. It can be a huge thing. Huge. Huge." She drew her hoof across the air, to show the hugeness of what she was talking 'bout. "Huge." "Join you? Please, my friend. You need mental help, and this place needs a good shutting down before it hurts anyone." "But it's so safe. It's extremely safe." She poked her own chest. "It's part of my apple-bucking policy." "Okay, we don't use that in that, um, context, y'hear? Just untie me now." He untied me. "I be sorry for all this, Applefreak. I just want to talk. That be all." "Who you calling a freak? I'm no freak. I just wanted to know what was going on." I saw I had been tied to a chair, so I stepped off, and now I was free. "I don't know anything about anything about this place. I wanted answers, real answers." "I'm the answer," Esceforn said, still looking like me. "Ta-daa." She turned into the keeper of the carnival, the custodian, the guy I had talked to before. "That was you?" "Who?" he said, now looking a little nervous. He stared around, like we were surrounded by ponies. "I'm just trying to run my business." He turned back into a changeling. "I can proudly say that I'm about forty ponies, but truth is, get this, they're all phonies. They're all just me, to a T, every last one, is one, and that's me. Haha!" He laughed. He breathed heavily. "Stop rhyming. Liming. Rhyming. Whybgrngtrnging-ing-ing-ing, unngh, no. Oh." "Why do you want to stop rhyming?" I said. "Ever since I was small," he said. "Oh, as if you would recall, and understand, it all." "You know," I said. "You're actually pretty good when you're not trying not to rhyme." I was trying to keep it cool. Who knows? Maybe I could help this person, maybe, I thought. This was just a sad story, all-around. He shook his head. "Everyone just looks at me as the person that rhymes. I can do other things than these mimes. I don't have to repeat all the times, for ponies to get what I'm, s-s-stop meee!" He plugged his hoof into his mouth. "This is not good. I don't want this, and I don't think you would." "I met a person that could rhyme. Her name was Zecora. She was really nice," I said. "I distrusted her at first, but then I became friends with her." "I will find her," he said, running out the door. "Thank you, um, sir?" I skirted after him, but he was already far away. "Don't do this." I tried to yell at him. "Just talk to me. Gosh darn it!" I kicked the door that I had just run out of, and I kicked off the hinges. Rainbow grinned from one ear to the other. "It's that patented athlete-strength." "I'm not an athlete," Applejack said. "Honorary athlete," Rainbow said, winking. "Anyway, again, I will continue." I got out in the amusement park, but I saw no trace of the person. Instead, the guy with the big top-hat came up to me. "Hello," he said, smiling. "How are we doing today? I'm sorry about earlier. I get a little crazy when I'm not in character." "Crazy?" I said. "In character?" I shook my head. "No, the crazy thing is that you're in character to begin with, and where did you get that stupid hat from? Take it off." I grabbed the hat. "I'm so sorry," he said. "I thought I could just manipulate you, but I think that manipulating ponies isn't as easy maybe, when they're being honest. You're a good old hardworking pony," he said. "I want to get to Ponyville to meet Zecora, this person that you mentioned before." He motioned his hoof to the side, all nonchalant. "But first, I want to reward you. How about this? I give you ten-thousand bits, a month, and we never mention this again. Deal?" He reached out his hoof for me to shake it. "You said that you were forty old ponies?" "Not so loud," he whispered into my ear. "This is a show, all of it. Look around." I did. Around me were what's at any old carnival, including candy apples, which I guess is kind of funny, when you think about it. There were joy-rides, silly games, and cotton candy, the whole rundown. Anyway, then he said, "I only want to amuse ponies. I want to entertain them. It's always just been a show." "That's why you could never be yourself?" I said. He just stared at me. "I need to go," he said, running off. I thought I saw a tear in his eye. "You come back here," I said. He ran toward the train station. "Wait. Don't do anything crazy now. Let's just talk, please." "They all laughed at me," he said, sniveling. "Well, they won't laugh when I'm done." How much I had learned about this person in just the short while since I had met him! He didn't have anyone to talk to. He was alone, with no friends to speak of. It's really a tragic story when you think about it. It isn't fun, and it isn't good, not at all. And I still don't know what happened to him, but I decided that now, following with him on the train was priority number one. "C'mon," I said. "Everything will be fine." Esceforn, the real Esceforn, was sitting in front of me, crying. "I just don't know who I am," he said. "I've been everything, but- but." He wheezed. "A lamb. I'm just silly. I'm just the silly guy who rhymes, goes off all willy-nilly, and, and." He sniveled. In front of him were a hundred pieces of paper towel, just scattered around the little seat of the train. "Oh, I don't know. I can't do, um, have nothing to show. I'm a no, of a boy! A bowww." Now, this is important, you guys, and it will explain a lot of what's been going on with him. This guy was obviously trying not to rhyme, and he was finding it hard, just stumbling over his words. He said a sentence, and another one, and he would just keep his mouth shut, and then a rhyme would just come out. This is really a sad story, you guys, but still, that just means he needs some help, and he wasn't even willing to talk to me. He was just whining. We were getting to Ponyville. What was he gonna do there? That just doesn't seem good at all. I figured that with the way he had been acting, tying me down, he could be dangerous. He could be a health-hazard for everyone around him, you know. And it's not as if it was that a big a problem. He was just ashamed of his own rhyming. That can happen. He had been around ponies, or changelings rather, I guess, that didn't treat him so good, and you all know that when the hive began, I mean, before Thorax and everything, it was about strength, and toughness, which are good things, sure, but it wasn't about love, and this guy, I think, needed some love, but I wasn't the one to give it to him. He had already bothered me enough, and he had put me unconscious in the middle of a rollercoaster, which does sound, I think, to me at least, a tad dangerous, just a tad, and he tied me to this chair, and then he let me go, but make no mistake. This guy was ashamed of something. I can't even tell really what it is, but we've helped reform ponies before, helped them find friendship. This is how I look at it, if you ask me. We could help him. I just hope there's enough time. "There's always time," Twilight said, "to change." "I sure do hope so," Applejack said, from the middle of the map room, where she was standing, looking out at the rest, including Derpy, who had now joined them. "I sure hope so." Derpy had a thinking expression on her face. "Hm," she said. Really, in that moment, all eyes turned to her. "What is it?" Twilight said. "Oh, nothing." Derpy just looked at Applejack, prodding her to continue. Applejack did, but what Derpy had on her mind, unbeknownst to her, was something that would actually be really helpful for Applejack to hear, and what had happened in the last day, when she met with Zecora, and Zecora had trouble rhyming, that was still on her memory. Applejack went on, but now, it seemed, that the friends were close to solving this mystery, without even really being aware of it themselves. I followed the guy off the train. He ran off into Ponyville. I ran after him. Then I lost him. Then I saw Pinkie Pie. I knew that this guy was crazy, but I also wanted to confirm whether the person in front of me was Pinkie Pie, or rather, I had to. What else was I going to do, with all the things that had been going on? "Pinkie," I said. "Tell me something only you would know." "You're funny," she said. "Lemme think about it. I think, um, you lived in Manehattan as a child, am I right?" "Meh, good enough," I said, and then I kept running. Pinkie ran after me. "You barn gets destroyed every year and then you have to rebuild it. No. No. Everyone knows that." She looked away into the distance, concentrating. "You know, Applejack, maybe you're right. Maybe we should meet sometime and get to know each other better." "Thaaat wasn't me," Pinkie said. "Meh," Applejack said. "Seemed you enough." Rainbow landed beside Pinkie, inside the map room. "Was that not you either when I flew to the hospital with Twilight?" "No, that was me for sure, that time," she said. "You said that was you." Rainbow nodded. "Yes," Pinkie said. "Didn't you also say it was you the time you met Applejack," Rainbow said. "No," Pinkie said. "That was another time." Rainbow sighed audibly. "This is getting confusing." "Not even getting started yet," Applejack said. "I need to get to Zecora," I said to Pinkie. "Why?" she said. "There's this changeling. I need to help him for sure. He's acting crazy." "Okay," she said, running beside me. "You want me to follow you?" "Maybe." I shook my head, just feeling unsure. "I think I could use some help." "Okay," she said. We kept running. We didn't stop. This had been a crazy day, and it would get crazier yet. I keep using that word, 'cause that's what I feel. I was like feeling crazy now. I ran toward the forest. I thought that the forest is safer nowadays, and I need really no one else to help but Pinkie, and we reached Zecora's, but when we got there, Derpy was there too. She was delivering something. I didn't even see what it was. It was some kind of package or another. "Wait," Derpy said. "This is all wrong," now inside the map room, not the forest, she said this. "I don't think that's the way it happened at all." "Well, you were there," Applejack said. "You have anything to add that I didn't mention? Or maybe I could've said it better. Is that it?" "No, you don't understand," she said. "I didn't meet you there." "What the heck," Applejack said. "Holy heck." Pinkie raised a single eyebrow, looking at Derpy. "But we couldn't both have been changelings." "Isn't this easily explainable?" Twilight said. "We know that there were two changelings, in total, not one." "But the other one was duped by Esceforn," Applejack said. "And wasn't he with you the whole time, Twilight?" "No," she said. "Or yes? No. He was with me- when, um- he, when did this all happen, Applejack?" "I don't know," she said. "It's not as if I have a clock with me all the time." "This is getting way too complicated," Rainbow said. "This is getting out of hoof." Rarity stepped into the conversation. She had been more on the outskirts. "I don't really know what to say to all this. I have no idea what's going on, myself." "Yeeeah," Applejack said, slowly. "No idea. Derpy." Derpy flinched, hearing her own name. "Were you ever in the swamp that day?" "Sure I was. I was delivering a package for Zecora. But, um, okay, I know how that sounds." "Can you do the spell again?" Rainbow said to Twilight. Twilight did, but on Rainbow rather, not Derpy. "Okay, I deserved that maybe," Rainbow said, now humbled. "I don't know what's going on," Derpy said. "I was trying to have a good day, and then all this. I heard about all this, and I don't know what to say, about- about anything." "You and me both," Rarity said. She had a trouble finding the words, indubitably. Without a doubt, the whole situation confused her a great deal, a lot, and that's the truth of it. "I don't even know," she said. "Escoforn? Never in my days have I been through such a strange situation." "Yes," Pinkie said. "What is this? What even is this?" "Life is strange," Applejack said. "Life is strange." Just to clarify what happened, so there's no confusion. Yes, I met Derpy there, and I said hello to her, and there was nothing else that happened, really, and Zecora was okay. I even talked to her. I can't even remember what she said, some rhymes about how she was okay. Was she okay? I don't even know, but at least, I got the chance to talk to her. Now, both Pinkie, Derpy, and her couldn't have been changelings. That's too far, you guys. I stayed with Zecora a little bit. I felt the urge to even just go back to my farm and forget about this whole thing. This whole thing had been a step too far. I didn't really even feel like I could deal with it, to be honest with you. I felt famished too. What had I eaten? Sugar candy? That's not, I mean, barely even real food, to tell you the truth. It's not something you can live on. No offense, Pinkie. Pinkie laughed. "Don't knock it." "No. Something is seriously wrong here," Derpy said. "I just know it, and I met Zecora the other day, and she had trouble rhyming. Zecora would never have trouble rhyming." "When and where?" Rainbow said. "She was inside her house, and it was late in the day, almost sundown." "Okay, so that's kind of really horrible to hear," Rainbow said. "Someone needs to go there right now and see that she's okay. Stat." Everyone agreed with Rainbow Dash, and so it was, and so, three of the seven friends were off to explore, while Applejack stayed where she had been to tell the story. Guess which three were off to Everfree. "This is so not awesome." "I think this is fun." "Stop acting uncouth, both of you." The three friends sneaked around the corner of a tree, trying to maintain the element of surprise as they crept forward through the forest-floor, not wanting to attract too much attention. They remained calm, within themselves, serene, but also, very, very cautious, careful, and keeping on creeping onward through the forest-floor, remaining on the ground, remaining creeping forward, careful, and serene, and then a net fell over them. "Oh no," Rarity said. "Well, well, well," a voice said from a bush. "Why, I could hear you coming from hell, because you're so loud, head in a cloud. Heheheh." The voice snickered. "Hehehe." "Gee," Rainbow said. "I wonder who that could be." "I could be anyone," Esceforn said, standing up from the tiny bush that he had been hiding in. "Even you, my hun." "I'm not your hun, you creep," Rainbow said, trying to get loose. "What's the matter with you? We haven't done anything to you." "What the matter with me? I'm the one that evil be. Is that right? You don't want to fight. No, not with me, you don't, and better yet, my little rainbow-y friend, you won't." The net then ascended upward into a tree to which it was attached. "Haha!" he said. "I'm a genius. Catching you in this net has benefit, yus, for as long as you lay there, you can never harm me, or anyone else, down here." "I think you're the one that's harming ponies," Pinkie said, of all ponies. "Don't do this." "What do you know?" he said. He turned toward the house. Zecora was standing in the door-opening. "Didn't I tie you... oh." Zecora kicked him in the face. "I see stars," he said. "Is that jars?" He stumbled around and fell on the ground. "Granny, I'm home. Don't leave the cookies hanging, on the- on the, comb." "I'll help," Zecora said. "Don't whelp." "I wasn't planning to," Rainbow said. Rarity burst out, "Just get us out of here." Zecora went and grabbed the rope of the net, fidgeting with it, and the net fell down. "In all my days," Rarity said. "Oh, come on. You've been through worse things than this." Rainbow brushed against Rarity and walked up to Zecora. "You've been tied down? I'm so sorry. This whole thing has been dumb. I hope we can at least put it past us now." "Me too," Zecora said. "You know what he'd do? He said he would kill me. He's a danger to everyone, including you three." Pinkie glared and turned her head away, looking mighty skeptical. "You said he said that? Why? We never have any villains that say things like that." "Darling," Rarity said to Pinkie. "Darling? I'm listening," Pinkie said. "We have met many villains that yes, didn't say that, but did they try to kill us? Sure." Pinkie pushed ponderingly ahead through her thoughts. "I know that, but no, something's fishy about this whole here situation. I don't know what, but I can feel it. It's my Pinkie-sense." Pinkie pointed at her head. "You always trust my Pinkie-sense, don't you? I don't know if I don't feel it first, and I feel that something's seriously wrong, in the situation." "In the situation," Rarity said, somewhat dismissively. "Yes, the situation. You have to listen. I think–" The sound of horn came through the woods. "Okay," Rainbow said. "Does that have anything to do with it?" A swarm of spiders came out of the bushes. "Run," Rainbow said. "Mwahahaha," a voice said. The bushes and trees in all the area around Zecora's house rustled, and then, a giant spider, twice the size of any of the ponies came out. The spider had a single wooden legs, seven normal spider-legs, and a hat with a skull on it. "I'm running," Pinkie said. The spiders pulled her in. The more she moved her feet, the more she was sucked in. Then, ropes surrounded the ponies, and Zecora, and bound them. "I told you I would find you, didn't I?" Captain Spider said. "You've been a fool to try to escape my spidery clutches." A jelly fish that also only had one wooden leg, and the rest jelly-legs, came crawling across the wooden floor. "I'm reporting for duty, Captain," the jelly-fish said. "Oh-ho!" Captain Spider said. "Matey Jelly. What a pleasure to see you here. Hohoho." "Okay, whatever," Rainbow said, slowly being sucked down. "Didn't we defeat you and stuff?" "But now," Captain Spider said. "You will need to defeat me again. Where are my children?" "You're still harping on that?" Rainbow snarled at him. "Just go away. Stop being stupid." "I'm sure," Rarity said, "that Fluttershy could help find them for you." "She'd better," he said. "She'd better. Matey Jelly here didn't cut off her jelly-leg for nothing." "She cut off her leg so she could be a pirate," Rarity said. "That has nothing to do with it." "Yes," Captain Spider said, "but you're making her fail at her work with you misdirections. Never has piracy been so hard. You're hurting her feelings." The jelly-fish crawled up. "Thanks for the emotional support, Captain Spider." She sniffed. "I don't know. I just thought I could be a good pirate." She sniveled. "I don't know what's wrong with me." "There, there, Jelly. There, there," Captain Spider said. "Now." He turned to Rainbow Dash. "I hope you all have a good explanation for all of this." "Shut up," Rainbow said. "Now, wait just a minute," Rarity said, putting Rainbow in her place. "Can't you see that poor jelly-fish over there is upset?" "Stop being stupid, Rarity." Pinkie smiled, and the smile went over to a grin. "I know. If we go to Twilight and the others, maybe they could help you find your pals, and maybe you could even steal a few things from us." She winked. Rainbow Dash groaned. Rarity laughed. Captain Spider drew out a sword. "What a swell idea. Let's go plundering. We'll have you all walk the plank, and then you can tell us where to find the booty, in that order." "Whatever," Rainbow said. She wiggled in her ropes, but to no avail. This time, she wasn't fast enough. "We defeated one villain, and then the next one comes and takes his place, immediately." Esceforn stood up shakily. He had been unconscious a while, but now he woke up. "What a- what is going on here? Do I see a spider there?" He squinted, not really able to see well. The ropes went around him too, spiders crawling and tying him up, swarming all over the place. "Okay, so this is annoying. My escape plan, I'm deploying." He turned into a tiny filly, but the ropes just followed the contours of his body, and squeezed him further. "My escape plan!" the little filly said, with a squeaky voice. Captain Spider swung his sword around. "We'll have you all walk the plank." Pinkie stifled a laugh. "You're silly." "Why do you have to be so mean?" Captain Spider said. "What have I ever done to you? I'll show you." Captain Spider put two of his long spindly arms to his mouth and whistled. A bunch of characters came out the woods, including a tiny hare, with an eyepatch, and a fox, looking glum. There was also a manatee, awkwardly crawling and rolling across the ground. "Take them to the ship. We'll teach them a lesson in pirate 101, one that they will never forget, and when they tell their friends, their friends will wheeze, and they will remember the name, Captain Spider!" "That's not even a real name," Rainbow said, pointing at him angrily. Captain Spider waved his arm. "Take them away." "Applejack, reporting for duty," Applejack said. Twilight nodded, gravely, frowning, staring, harshly, cold. "Then let's go see if our friends are okay. Okay, everybody?" "I'm coming too," Derpy said. Applejack nodded at that. "If you must." As alluded, the four friends that are left in the map room go out, seeking to help their friends, but they discover something very strange, very peculiar, and that's something that frightened them. They didn't know what to do. Their friends were trapped, but where? "I can't find them anywhere," Derpy said, searching around the little cottage of Zecora. "Where in the world could they be?" "I sure don't know," Twilight said, looking at the spilled-out cauldron, the contents lying all over the floor. "But we'll find out where. Maybe this Esceforn is more dangerous than I gave him credit for." "Pish-posh," Applejack said, flinging her hoof dismissively. "Dangerous? My granny is more dangerous, for true." "He had the darts," Fluttershy said. "That seems pretty dangerous to me." "Meh." Applejack shrugged. "I have my lasso." She picked out her lasso, only Celestia knowing where she could've hidden it. "When I find him, I'll show him what's what." "We have no idea where they are," Twilight said. "This is a serious problem." Back in the harbor, a ship was attached and bound to shore. It was a giant pirate ship made of hard chip wood. It really was a sight to behold, for sure. For true, as Applejack said, their friends were here, Esceforn incapacitated, really, being less dangerous than the threat at hand, the threat of swashbucklery. "Har-har-har," Captain Spider said, dancing around the ship. Matey Jelly was playing the accordion. "Ho-ho, such jolly good tunes." Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie, and Esceforn were tied to the mast of the ship, with a rope going around it, fastening them to their sedentary, harshly lonely position, lonely save for the evil pirates. The manatee wiggled back and forth, also sedentary, not really moving much. The little hare jumped up and down. "Captain. Captain," he said. "Let's play cards. Let's walk the plank. And then, they can walk the plank." "Let's all walk the plank," Captain Spider said. "Untie them first. Then they can walk the plank." "We could just swim ashore," Pinkie said. "Shut up, you pink pudding-head," Rainbow said, aghast at Pinkie's outwardness. Captain Spider drew out his sword. "Then we'll capture them, and force them to walk the plank again, and they will get really wet, and it will be really, really annoying for them. Mwahahaha!" "Okay, okay," Escoforn said, still turned into a little filly, looking ridiculously small compared to the rest of them. "I'll make you a deal. I am the richest changeling in all the land, buddy. Old matey. Heheh." Captain Spider pointed his sword at Esceforn. "Who you calling matey, matey?" Esceforn got all quiet. "I'll show you what for," Captain Spider said. "I will make you pay for your disrespect. Make him walk the plank!" "Okay," Esceforn said. "It's not as if I had anything better to do anyway. What a day. You know, the last day was one of the worst days of my life." Esceforn, more and more, took on the guise of a filly, his speech patterns changing, which disturbed the other ponies a little bit. "Esceforn," Rarity said. "Whatever you've been through, just know that you're around ponies that care and want to help you. We want to make everything better." "Bwa-haa," Captain Spider said. "Look how sweet." Matey Jelly stopped playing her accordion and just burst out laughing, and then, the place got quiet. "Say," Captain Spider said, "maybe we could have some use for you landlubbers after all. You said you had a crazy day, little crabby." "You talkin' to me?" Esceforn said. "Tell us about how your day was. We might even give you a treat." Esceforn nodded. "I'd like a treat." He opened his mouth, looking excited. "Like, what is wrong with that guy?" Rainbow said. "Oh-hooo?" Captain Spider said. "It looks like we got company." Twilight and the gang came running, and Twilight shot a beam of magic. "Not this time," Captain Spider said. "Not this time." He held up his sword. The magic got absorbed into the sword, flying into it, and disappearing. "Now, arrest them too." He pointed the sword at the other ponies. Spiders began crawling out of holes and crevices in the ground around the ship, at shore. "Oh, poo," Applejack said. Twilight and Fluttershy flew up in the air, but the spiders swarmed around them, piling on top of each other, drawing them down. "Noo!" Twilight said. "Not again." Twilight, Fluttershy, and Applejack were pulled onto the ship, and tied around the mast, but then, Captain Spider said, "I want the purple one. She knows the way to the trident." Twilight was untied and engulfed by spiders, that held her up in front of Captain Spider at eye-level. "I told you we weren't done yet, purple pony." "You have no idea what you're messing with," Twilight said. "The sea-ponies need the trident to survive." "Blurgh-hur-hur," Captain Spider laughed. "Enough of your lies." "Hey, guys," Applejack said, tied to the mast along with the rest of them, in a circle around it, one next to the other. Twilight's horn lit up, but its light faded, flying into Captain Spider's sword. "A powerful artifact to be sure," he said. "I'll make sure not to lose this sword. It holds the key to my weakness." "That's good to know," Twilight said, staring at the sword. "Har-har-har. You can never defeat me," Captain Spider said. Twilight's mouth was agape. "We just did before." "Yes," he said. "But that's old hat. Old history. Now, nothing can stop me." He held up the sword in the air. Twilight aimed her horn at it and fired. Magic pinged off it, and it fell out of his hand. "My sword," he yelled, running for it. As he did, Twilight grabbed the swarm of spiders around her and made it disperse, hovering them off in different directions. Captain Spider picked up the sword, but just as he did, Twilight shot magic at him, and a bubble formed around them. "What is this witchcraft?" he said. "I don't know," Twilight said, looking just as confused as he was. "We're being, pulled?" The sword pointed upward. Captain Spider held on to it, and flew up into the air. Twilight followed. She was stuck in the bottom of the bubble. It was like a giant cocoon, and looked like a soap bubble. Twilight's horn lit up, but nothing happened. "We're stuck," she said. "The sword," Captain Spider said. "It knows the way to the trident. This is the sword I was looking for all along. How could I not see it?" "I will never let you get ahold of it!" Twilight yelled, furious. "We'll see about that," he said. The bubble lifted, shaking up and down, and then, the bubble dived down into the sea and disappeared. "You don't know–" Captain Spider said, and then, the sound got quiet. The other pirates ran to the edge of the ship, looking as the bubble sank down into the deep blue sea. "They're gone," Matey Jelly said. Then, she turned toward the other ponies that were tied to the mast. "Now, who wants to walk the plank?" "I know," Pinkie said. Rainbow writhed in her ropes. "Shut up!" she said to Pinkie. "Rainbow," Applejack said. "I don't know who taught you your manners." "Oh, whatever." Rainbow pouted. "You shouldn't be like that, most of all to Pinkie. She's Pinkie, for apple's sake." "I thought," Pinkie said. "That instead of throwing us overboard, we could finish our stories. It's what Captain Spider would've liked." "It's better than killing us," Applejack said. Rainbow Dash groaned, and sighed. "They weren't even gonna kill us. They're stupid. They're not even real pirates." "Heeey," Matey Jelly said. "I think that pink pony has a point." "But if we don't like the story, you walk the plank," the little hare said, jumping up to them. "Whatever," Rainbow said. "And why does Twilight get to go on the epic adventure while we're stuck here? I feel like this always happens." "It doesn't always happen," Applejack said. "Shut up," Rainbow said. "No, you shut up," Applejack said. "Who wants to start?" Matey Jelly yelled, grinning, crawling back and forth between the ponies. "You do the honor," Rainbow said. Derpy whimpered. "Why do you all have to fight?" "Okay, now you upset Derpy," Rainbow said, trying to get a better look at Applejack, so she could give her the evil eye. "I upset her? No, you're the one that started all this." "Okay, okay." Matey Jelly moved her jelly-arms up and down. "You calm down. We can resolve this like adults." "This is stupid," Rainbow Dash said. Applejack spoke louder. "It doesn't matter if it's stupid. We just all have to accept this. What choice do any of us have, anyway?" Matey Jelly crawled off to the edge of the ship. "Why do you have to be so loud? You're all just being mean to each other for no reason." The hare jumped to her. "C'mon, Jelly," he said. "Simmer up." He faced the ponies. "If I didn't know any better, I would say you're the villains here." Rainbow just stared. "What? No, we're totally the heroes. Oh, no. Are you for real?" Rainbow was upset that she had upset Matey Jelly, and now, she was having regrets. "No. No. I'll tell my story. Just listen." "But you already did it," Applejack said. "Okay, you do it. I don't even care," Rainbow said, trying to remain calm. I got off the train. I got to meet Pinkie. We went to Zecora. We met Derpy, but we didn't, but I don't know what happened. And then, we got separated in different directions, just going off all over, and I don't even know. I went back to Ponyville, and then, I met Rainbow Dash. "Did you though?" Rainbow said. "Did you really meet me?" "That's exactly why we were telling these stories in the first place," Applejack said. "Inconsistencies all over." "Hey!" Esceforn said, still a filly. She was little, with cyan mane, and magenta fur. "Maybe I could be of some help." "Yeah, wait a minute," Rainbow said. "We could just ask Esceforn what happened." "I hope so," Esceforn said. "I'm not sure what is all you're talking about. It's true that I was pretending to be Zecora, and Applejack, and a circus custodian person thing." "You don't have to talk like a child," Rainbow said. "We know it's you." "Can I offer a suggestion?" Rarity said, from the other end of the mast. "If you must." Rainbow shook her head, and relaxed down into her ropes a little, accepting her position now. "Maybe we could all take turns, trying to make sense of what happened." "It won't make no difference," Applejack said, looking at Esceforn, "if he keeps lying about what happened." "It's a she," Esceforn said. "No, I'm pretty sure it's he," Applejack croaked. "Just stop with your funny business already." "Okay," Esceforn said, "but I'm afraid that if I turn back to my true form, the ropes will all sort of explode, and then, I don't even know what I will do." "Isn't that a good thing?" Applejack said. "But what if I get exploded too?" "Okay, point taken I guess." Applejack reached to scratch her head, or maybe grab her hat for a second, but she remembered that she was being tied down. "This is too bad." She relaxed down into the ropes too, as Rainbow had. "Esceforn," Applejack said. "Either you're lying, or, hm, but even if you're lying, that still doesn't explain how there could've been a fake Derpy, Pinkie, and maybe Spike at Twilight's castle." Rainbow looked at Applejack. "This is where things start getting confusing again." "Really," Applejack said. "If both Pinkie and Derpy were changelings, and Zecora wasn't, but later, she was, and then, Pinkie wasn't, who would even do such a thing? Just to confuse us to pieces?" "I don't know," Pinkie said. "But it's no good." "Maybe I can help," Esceforn said. Applejack didn't know what to think, but she was open to all possibilities. "Why do you want to help anyway? You're the one that wanted to open an amusement park in my name and have my signature on it and all that nonsense. What kind of help is that? And shooting darts at ponies isn't very nice." "I haven't been around ponies all that much," he said. "Don't be smart with me." "No, I'm serious. I used to play games with these darts back at the hive." He giggled. "It was fun. I'll tell you that." His voice had now entirely transformed to the cadence and articulation of a small child. "Ugh," Applejack said, shuddering. "I'll just continue with my story." I was just going through my day, like normal. Everything was normal. Everything was what it was. It is what it is. That's what it be, and everything that it will be, and so, and then, and everything got crazy. I got back to Ponyville, meeting Rarity. She said she was looking for Pinkie, because Rainbow Dash had told her that Pinkie had spiders in her hair, and Rarity, understanding that Pinkie was scared wanted to help, of course. That wasn't Rarity. It was an imposter, who somehow pretended to be a pony I've known for years, without me noticing. I met Fluttershy, and that's what it is. Fluttershy is Fluttershy. Was she an imposter? We don't think so, but who knows? Then, there was the whole thing with Twilight and the thing. I saw me, myself, talking to Pinkie, and then I ran after her, and through Twilight's door, but when I got there, there were two of me, and this whole thing had gotten way out of hand. Still, I had to keep calm and steady. I tried to talk it out with them, and make it clear what was going on, but one thing happened after the next, and then, one of the Applejacks escaped. I ran after her. Who is a changeling? No one, apparently, because Twilight's spell worked on no one. "Whoa, slow down," Pinkie said. "Calm your chickens." "I am calm," Applejack said from her seated position inside the ropes of the pirate ship of Captain Spider, where all the ponies were as yet currently located. "You be calm. Let us get through this already." "But you're skipping over all the details." "I am?" "Yes," Pinkie squeaked. "And I don't remember you running past me, or any- wait a second. No, you ran past me, and then, but that doesn't make any sense!" "Sorry, Pinkie, but I wanna get through this like Rainbow Dash said." One thing came, and then another, and I don't even know what I think about all this. The other Applejack was running to my farm, our farm, my family's farm, and I had to get worried now that she was going to put my family in danger. What's the deal with that? But I got after her and I swung my lasso, and I caught her in it, and that wasn't a big deal, but then, something else happened. Another Applejack came, like a second one, a third one, I guess? She was all gung-ho. I just wanted to talk. This whole thing had gotten twenty miles out of hoof, at least! I just wanted to talk, and then, and then, what? I don't even know. I woke up like an hour later. Rainbow laughed. "This is like one of those crazy math problems that you get in school, and the more you think about it, the more impossible it gets to solve. I mean, sure, really, Twilight can do the spell on all of us, and then she can have a second pony, Starlight, do the spell on her to make sure that she's not a changeling, and then, another pony can do it on Starlight, but none of this solves anything. Like, it shouldn't be that hard to remember and keep track of where six ponies have been, especially when those ponies know each other and are close friends." "Seven," Derpy said. "Yes, you too, Derpy." Rainbow smiled at Derpy, and then, she shook her head, and then she just stared, wide-eyed, empty-eyed, into nothingness. "I don't know. Maybe there's a second changeling, someone other than Esceforn, that's been pulling the wool over our eyes." "I don't know about you," Esceforn chirped, "but I'm right darn sure that there hasn't been a second changeling around." "Sure there has been," Rainbow said. "Don't you remember that guy you used to trick Twilight when she was in her castle?" "Who?" Esceforn said, mumbling something. "Um, urgh, um, what? No way." "He's just trying to trick ya. He's lying," Applejack said. "He's a terrible liar. C'mon, now, Rainbow Dash. Get a grip." Rainbow turned to her. "Continue with your story, oh, apple of my eye." "I shall." One thing led to the other, and then of course, I was poison-darted, again, for the second time, by none other than the guy that's sitting here beside us. I woke up inside my own barn. Pinkie came, and Twilight came along with her. Now, I was really confused, and doubting everything. Were all of these changelings? I can't even say the first thing about any of- I don't even know, you guys, but that's what happened. Pinkie said, "You are Applejack." I thought that if this wasn't Pinkie, then either this here changeling was the best actor in the world, or I don't even know my own friend. Of course, it was Pinkie, because this had been part of her story as well. I said, "Sure," or something like that. Pinkie ran up to me and hugged me. I was confused, but kind of happy to see a familiar face, but then, I was put unconscious, this time by Twilight, who was a changeling, and rather than catching her, she ran away, but all credit to Pinkie. She was really confused, and really didn't know what to believe, obviously. Anyway, I woke up, and one thing led to the next, and then, all of it was past, and all my friends came into the room. Okay, look, nothing that I really can remember happened before any of them came into the room. Then, we all talked, and Rainbow Dash was being carried inside the barn. She was really upset at Twilight for some reason, and that's where the first part, where we all met, ends, and what a happy ending it was. "There are a bunch of things that we need to make clearer, so please listen," Pinkie said, shrieking and sounding frustrated. "I'm sorry." She closed her eyes. "I just can't get those spiders out of my mind." Pinkie, and all the others were still in the ropes. Where and how to escape, for any of them? "Still harping on those spiders?" Applejack said. Rainbow Dash nodded, agreeing with her. "C'mon, Pinkie. They're like, tiny animals. Nature's full of them. You need to get yourself together and face your fear, like Twilight said." "I don't want to lose the thing we were talking about," Pinkie said. "So please listen, okay? I was in the barn, but there was a second Twilight, and that's the one that made Applejack unconscious, but then the one that didn't ran away? Why?" Applejack smacked her lips. "I don't even know." "But is that what happened?" Pinkie said. "I think so," Applejack said. "But it's complicated." "What's complicated? You don't remember?" "I don't remember seeing two Twilights." "But that's impossible," Rainbow said. "It's totally impossible. Now, I may not be an egghead, but listen. I'm not stupid, and neither is Pinkie, you know. Two Twilights were there, but you only saw one? But this is the real Pinkie? And one of them was fake, obviously, but you don't even remember seeing the second one? And then, what, Pinkie remembers this, but not you, and the one Twilight ran away, but there isn't a trace of her." "Maybe I just wasn't looking," Applejack yelled. "Will you stop over-analyzing?" "I don't know if that's what I'm doing." "I'm not a changeling, damn you." "Guys," Derpy said. "I'm not calling you a changeling." "Guys." "Well, you sure do have a funny way of not calling me a changeling in that case." "Guys." "Whatever!" Derpy said, "I don't even want to be here. You're not acting like friends at all." "Sometimes friends fight," Rainbow said. "You ever had a friend, Derpy?" "Rainbow!" Applejack said. Rainbow paused. "Oh, I immediately regret saying that." "No, that's okay," Derpy said. "I don't have all that many friends." "You took it too far," Applejack said, sneering at Rainbow Dash. "You apologize right now or I won't be your friend anymore, either." "I'm sorry," Rainbow said. "Honestly," Derpy said, sounding cautious. "Your story doesn't really explain anything. What happened with the changeling? He's here on the boat with us, isn't he? Why don't we ask him?" "Because he's crazy!" Applejack said, at the utmost top of her lungs. "C'mon," Derpy said. "No," Rainbow said. "She's right. We should hear him out." "Fine," Applejack said. "So what happened in the day of Esceforn?" Esceforn was quiet. "C'mon," Applejack said. "Spit it out, or forever remain silent." Esceforn said, "I honestly have no idea what any of you are talking about. It's true that I was plotting against you, but now, we're all stuck here. Why the heck would I need to pretend to be all of you? I just wanted to make money on Apple-land, and Applejack already gave me her signature. She did it when we were at the amusement park." "Is that true?" Rainbow said. "I don't remember signing anything," Applejack said. "He's surely lying." "Am not." "Am too," Applejack said, glaring at him, squinting with rage. "I can't even believe this. We're all seated here, having this discussion. We already caught the villain. What's all the fuss about?" "Because we're all caught," Rainbow Dash said, "and unless we tell our stories, we have to walk the plank." "Which will give an escape opportunity for sure," Applejack said. Pinkies eyes darted all-around. "Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't trust these here pirates, you guys." "You're slipping into my accent," Applejack said. "And still," Pinkie said. "What if all these here pirates are tricking us, or what if they get the idea to throw us down with the ropes on? Then we'll drown." "What a splendid idea," Jelly said. "Thank you for that. That seems like a really pirate-y thing to do. Oh! Oh. And, and I never would've come up with it without your help." "Hey," Rainbow said. "Before you do, can you put some sort of gag on Pinkie Pie? Who here's for gagging Pinkie? You with me?" Rainbow reached a hoof into the air. "Come on. Operation gag Pinkie?" "Um," Pinkie said. "No! Please don't say anything," Rainbow said. "But–" "Nooo! Pleeease." "You–" "Oh, what's the use?" Rainbow said, crossing her arms. "You're out of the ropes," Pinkie whispered. "Whoa," Rainbow said, standing up. "For real? How did that happen?" Esceforn said, "Hello, it was me. Hello, do you see?" Esceforn was normal Esceforn, and then he shrank down into a filly, and the ropes got loose for a second. Pinkie jumped out of them now, and then, only the others were trapped. "Now to kick some pirate butt?" Pinkie said. Rainbow nodded. "Yes." Matey Jelly came crawling toward her. "I don't want to hurt her though. She's like really nice, and sensitive." "When she's not threatening your life," Pinkie said, shaking her head. "Yes, no. I guess? Point taken." Rainbow turned to Jelly. "Hey, um, your father was, um, never there for you?" Matey Jelly stopped and began crying. "How did you know?" she said, snorting loudly. "Oh no. My memories. My childhood." "Jeez, I'm so sorry," Rainbow said. Pinkie grabbed her. "Let's just escape." Rainbow grinned at Jelly and then ran off with Pinkie, off the boat. The other pirates jumped and followed, and the two ponies, Rainbow and Pinkie, had to dodge and weave, and then, they were off the boat. When the hare came jumping, Rainbow kicked him in the face. Then he fell down in the water. "Oh, no." Rainbow jumped after him and picked him up. "I'm so sorry. This isn't like I thought would happen." She put a hoof on him, and water flew out of his mouth. Matey Jelly came crawling down the platform that led off the ship. "You're not heroes. You're downright evil. We're the good guys." "Oh my gosh," Rainbow said. "No, you got it all wrong." "You almost killed him!" "But then I saved him," Rainbow said, trying to defend herself. "Please, I am a good guy. You're the villains, I- I think. I mean, you're the ones that kidnapped us." "We didn't know what to do." Matey Jelly crawled down to Rainbow. "Do you have any idea how worried Captain Spider has been? We've been looking for his children for a full moon, and we're really worried that something terrible has happened to them. Have you ever lost your child before? Do you know how stressful that is?" "Oh, no. No way," Rainbow said. "Rainbow!" Pinkie down-right shrieked, grabbing Rainbow Dash. "We can talk about this later. Now, let's scram." "But this is really starting to get to me," Rainbow said, whispering it into Pinkie's ear. "Maybe she's right. Maybe we really are the bad guys." "Stuff happens," Pinkie said. "Now, let's go." "I don't know." Rainbow looked at Matey Jelly, who was hugging the little hare, still coughing for air. "I did do that of my own free will. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't as if somepony made me do it. I feel like a total moron." "We can't stay here," Pinkie said. She turned around and ran off the dock, and then, she turned back and ran back to Rainbow. "Come on. You have to come too." "But all our friends are still there," Rainbow said. Pinkie stared into Rainbow, and right through her, wide-eyed and deadpan. "We'll get help. We'll get Starlight. Discord could help us. It's better than waiting until the spiders come back. Do you want to fight a bunch of spiders?" "It's that what all this is about?" Pinkie bit her lip a tiny bit, and looked around back and forth. "It's not not what this is about." "Come on, please." Rainbow looked at the hare. "We have to help them any way we can." The little hare was coughing, water in lungs, struggling, the little thing. "Oh, no," Pinkie said. "You're totally right. We have to help them." "Told you," Rainbow said. "We really do have to help them." "So what do we do now?" Pinkie shrugged, and jumped to the hare. "Please don't die. There's so much to live for. There's ice cream, and there's animals." She leaned to Rainbow. "Except for spiders." She kept talking. "And there's- I don't know. Oh, no. It would be really terrible if something bad happened now." The little hare coughed, and then, with a wheeze, he woke up, and hugged Jelly. "Yes," Pinkie said, bouncing with happiness, and joy. "Do you see that Rainbow? It's a miracle." Rainbow Dash smiled. "Yes." "Okay," Pinkie said. "So do we call for help? Now, what do we do?" "Really?" Jelly said. "You're just going to run away? Just like that? I can't believe you two." Rainbow sputtered. "Buh- uh, um, oh, what?" She just stood there, and then, she faced Pinkie. "Okay." "Okay?" "Come on." Rainbow walked back up to the ship. "Are y–" "Just come on," Rainbow yelled, tired and annoyed. Pinkie followed her up to the ship. Rainbow took some of the loose rope and tied herself to the mast, along with Pinkie. "Ugh." "Okaaay," Pinkie said. Applejack's mouth dropped to the floor. "What happened? You got caught? Is that it?" "Nur-hur," Rainbow said, grumbling. "It's best if we just don't talk about it," Pinkie whispered loudly. "But you managed to escape. What?" Applejack said. "You escaped." "Nope," Pinkie said. "No, we di-in't." "Okaaay," Applejack said. "So what now exactly? We just sit here, like a bunch of buffoons?" "We'll wait 'til Twilight gets back," Rainbow said, leaning over. "She'll solve the adventure or whatever." "But you had the chance to escape. What the heck happened? I'm serious." "You know what, Applejack?" Rainbow Dash said. "Calm your stinking apples." "Okaaay," Applejack said, again. "Okay. Okay then. Okay, I guess." Pinkie shrugged. "You do what you can do." The bubble rearose out of the water, with Twilight and Captain Spider in it. It popped and the two landed on the floor of the ship. Captain Spider wiggled around, like a wet dog, splashing water all over. "How could I have been so blind?" he said. "It's okay," Twilight said. "No," he said. "I didn't realize the truth. The most important thing of all is friendship. I understand that now." "Look," Rainbow said, pointing. "She even reformed him. All's well that ends well." "It still don't understand why you didn't just escape," Applejack then said, turning her head away. "But ah well." Captain Spider walked up to the others. "It's time to mend our ways. It's time to become good old honest explorers, treasure hunters, rather than pirates." "Yay," Pinkie said. "Go friendship." Applejack smiled. "I have no idea what's going on, but I'm happy that everything turned out okay." "Now," Captain Spider said. "Let me just untie your ropes." He did, and then, they were all free. Esceforn immediately ran off, but then, Applejack caught him in her lasso. "Not so far, mister. We've got unfinished business, sir, though that's hardly a title that's befitting of someone like you." "Okay," he said. "O vey." "Yeah," Applejack said. "And that's all there is to it." "Hey," Pinkie said. "You wouldn't have room for a pony on this ship?" "Come on, Pinkie," Applejack said. "There's no room for two adventures at once. Let's first solve this thing with Esceforn." "Still," Rainbow said. "He could come with us. There would be no escape opportunities aboard the ship of Captain Spider." "There's one more thing," Fluttershy said, who had been one of the more quiet ones on this pirate's journey. "I was going to say it, but I was too nervous. You could've just asked." "My spiders," Captain Spider said. "There you go," Fluttershy said, leading the spiders out the house. "Oh, they sure have been missing you." "Thank you," Captain Spider said. "Thank you." All the other ponies hooted and hollered. "Boy," Rainbow said. "I'm sure glad everything has turned out okay." "Still," Rarity said. "There's one thing I don't understand." Applejack blinked a few times, confused. "There's many things I still don't understand, but you don't see me complaining. At least we caught the villain, made amends with Captain Spider, and everything's all right." "What about Esceforn?" Rarity said. "Oh, he's being dealt with." Back at the ship, Esceforn was sitting alone, tied to the mast. "Hello? Anyone? Where did you go? I'm lonely. I'm just here, me only. Alone and confused!" The ropes loosened, and then, fell to tiny pieces, and pulverized. Esceforn looked around, looking confused, being confused. "What now?" He stared from left to right. A shadow walked up the ramp to the boat, and another something followed, its owner. The owner of the shadow reached the ship. "Wh- wh- what d- d- did you tell them? E- e- emmm." The voice groaned, and then, it spit something out on the floor. "Wh- wh- where? H- here?" "I didn't tell them nothing," Esceforn said. "Just let me go now. They've been roughing!" "Hrrm," the owner of the shadow, which walked around, said. "This is- s- s- so, annoying. To see you here, just t- t–" "Talking?" "We need to make sure they d- don't discover my true identity. I'm supposed to be a nonexistent, e- entity." Esceforn laughed. "You're crazy. You know that? Crazy and lazy. Why don't you do it yourself?" "I- I could hurt you. Hewww," the person said, stroking Esceforn's neck. "Please." Esceforn transformed and turned into a green changeling, like those of Thorax. "Don't. Say anything? I sure won't." "G- g- g- good. Good. I thought you would." The person walked into view. Lights were coming out of his eyes, and he had a pink leg, purple mane, the face of an adult and a child at the same time, and many other things. He had a blue leg, and then a yellow one, and a grey one too, and a single pegasus wing on one side and a horn. "We m- mustn't b- be–" "Discovered? Yes, I've been covered. Please, don't say anything more. You're such a bore." Esceforn turned around, honestly frightened of the strange changeling. "We could win this yet," the rainbow-changeling said. "If you don't f- f." He just burst out coughing. "Fret? Wet? Yet? Oh!" He spit again on the ground. "Bother. Bother. Rather, bother. Father. Bother. Bother." He coughed. "No." "Dude, maybe we should just forget about all this and–" "No, you abandon me now and I swear I will kill you." His eyes shone like spotlights, and his voice were like seven different voices at once. "Don't leave me here, y- neugh." Tears were coming out of his eyes. "Pleeease, doeeeun't." "Okay, I won't leave you. But what to do now? What to say to them? How? Our plan will be ruined if they find out, that, that I escaped without, I, I shouldn't have been able to do it, so I- I sit, and I." He was looking for words. Esceforn was really nervous now. "Patience," the other one said. Its features changed around. One leg grew longer while another got shorter, but he just stumbled around and grabbed Esceforn. "All good things come to those that are willing to wait, and we're willing to wait, you and I, aren't we?" "Um." "A- a- aitachoo." He rubbed his nose. "Must've sneezed or something. Heheh. Wh- wheeze- z- d." "Yeah, okay." "It's settled then. Whennn." The ropes flew around Esceforn, the other pony grabbing it. He made no effort to resist, and they flew around, attaching around him, and tying him back to the mast. "Good. I feel like a person that, um, uh, damn i- could." "Please," Esceforn said. "There's got to be a better way. Don't go away." The other changeling divided into a mass of colors, looking like liquid rainbow, fluids of color, that ran into the floor. "Don't be discovered. You coward." Then, he disappeared without a trace. "I'm not a coward, you blowhard," Esceforn said, but the other was gone. "He should really watch himself. He has no idea who he's messing with, itself. The six? Nix. The seven, plus the other one, make seven. Oh, heavens. Ugh." He shook his head, jittering. "There's only one way. I have to tell him it's okay. I have tell them that I'm not in his way. I'm his friend, and hey, maybe they could help. They may, or not. I was telling the truth, and that Applejack didn't even believe it, forsooth!" "Ugh, still. I have to find a way. It cannot end like this, amiss. It's really terrible, and sad. Really, it's extremely bad, and yes, sad. Bad. Sad. Bad. Sad." He kept on repeating the rhymes, to calm himself a bit. "He really isn't all that mean. He's my brother, and his origins are clean. They're good, like my own, and–" "You always say everything you think out loud?" It was the voice of Derpy. She was in the crow's nest. "That's really a bad habit, you know, if you don't want anyone to know what you're thinking." Esceforn started jumping up and down in his ropes. "You have to go. He could be here any time, so. So! Go. No. Please." Derpy walked up to him. "I think I won't go. I think I want to talk." "He's not safe to be around," Esceforn said. "He's a danger to himself and others, abound." "I'm not scared of any dangers," Derpy said. "I just want to talk." "Okay, then talk." Ten minutes later or so, the other six arrived at the ship. "Boy, do I have a story for you," Derpy said. Esceforn was sitting, tied to the mast, looking all forlorn, and crestfallen, and sad, and a little broken. Now, Esceforn was green, not black. "It will explain a lot of things, and I think you're going to like it." A short bit off was a bat in a tree with a pair of binoculars. It blinked a few times and flew off, landing on the ground. It turned into Fluttershy. "Oh, no," Fluttershy said. "He's going to tell them everything." Fluttershy froze up, and just stood there. "I have to- have to, what can I even do? I don't know." She looked out from between the trees down at the harbor. "I will confuse them, I suppose. What else can I do? But I'm not sure." She turned into Rainbow Dash. "Still, I must do something. It is my duty, as a pro-flyer." Rainbow Dash turned into Pinkie. "Still," she said. "I'd better watch out for those spiders. You never know what can happen." Pinkie turned into a bat and flew away. "Maybe I should've chosen something better than a bat. Bat's can't see. What am I saying? I'm a bat." The bat dove down and grabbed a bug off the ground. "Bat. Bat." It ate the bug. "Mm." The bat kept flying. It turned into Twilight. "Time t- to get smart. Heheh." Twilight smiled, and then looked off in the other direction. "I'm the smartest pony in the world. They'll see. Heheh." Nary did the ponies realize, at this point, that their troubles had just begun. They had just made a new friend, but in so doing, made a powerful enemy, but that's a story for another day. All's well that ends well, and this changeling, strange as it may seem, thought that he meant well, but we'll see who means well, and what really happens, when all is said and done.