'Deep breaths Anon...'
The sounds of people on the other side of the door distract me from my breathing exercise and disrupt what little calm I had gathered up until that point. Frustratingly I look to my traveling companion with a look that hopefully shows her how irked I am and how much she owes me for dealing with matters of the court. I can handle meeting strange or exotic beings in the form of a diplomat or civilian, but I had barely gotten used to dealing with Equestria's nobility. Thus the fact that I was about to meet an entire new group of aristocrats, among which was counted one of the princesses of this foreign land, did little to help my mood.
"Please relax Anonymous, everything will be perfectly fine." The pony who had just decided to tempt fate by saying the words you should never say was none other than Celestia. "I will handle the formalities and greetings, the only thing you should have to worry about is being yourself... and maybe refrain from sitting near any windows."
I couldn't help but cast a sidelong glance at her for a moment before I saw the light twinkle of mirth in her eye, causing me to shake my head. I know that she means well and I've been getting a fairly good feeling from the ponies of this land so maybe it won't be so bad. After all even miss 'yandere pegasus' stopped starring back at me every five st-
"Where did...?" My voice trails off as I realize that she hasn't been in front of me for a short while, but I can't recall where exactly she went to. With a light sense of 'she's behind me with a knife' I turn to check our rear only to see two guards trailing behind the procession.
"Is something the matter Anonymous?" Celestia showed her concern with an ever so slight cresses in her brow as she notices my tension.
"It's nothing Princess, was just a bit confused as to where the pegasus council... mare? Is that how that word works here?" I trail off for a moment as the vernacular of the world derails my thoughts a smidge. "Anyway I was wondering where she went, she disappeared a short whiles back if I'm remembering right."
"Oh is that all? I was fairly sure that she left to inform their princess that we would be arriving soon." Celestia nodded her head as if it was the most natural thing in the world, but considering what else passed for normal here it might as well be.
The unicorn that I had assumed was the head of security or held some other martial office watched us closely as we conversed before he decided to speak up himself. "While it does not surprise me that you wouldn't be caught unawares by her skills honored Princess it is rare that others would notice her exiting unless she wished them to. She helps the princess handle more... private affairs, so it a requirement of her job that she is able to move with great subtlety."
"Well don't think too highly of me for noticing. After all I only really noticed her absence after the fact, not her departure itself so I'd probably only give me half credit." I give a low, dry laugh as I shake my head while the unicorn merely raises a brow before nodding to his retinue.
"I think you deserve more credit than you think to give yourself honored diplomat, look upon the guards around you." I follow his instruction and glance over each guard in turn that is close enough to fully observe. The first guard I miss the tell thinking it was nothing out of the ordinary, but after the second I realize that every guard that I can see has a lotus flower pinned to their armor.
"Those flowers... your men didn't have them on at the docks and I would certainly have noticed if they all moved out of formation to get them from a vendor. So you're telling me that she somehow slipped away, gathered a bundle of lotus flowers, slipped back in, and then proceeded to pin one to each of the guards as she left again?" I'm almost certain my face gives away how unlikely this seems if my tone does not.
"It is a mixture of training and having fun at my men's expense that she does this you see. However the fact that she was unable to do so to you, despite your lack of actively sensing her activity says a lot." He gives me a pointed look as I note that I am the only one aside from him and Celestia that does not have a lotus on my person. "This shows that while she was able to slip away without you being fully aware, she was unable to penetrate your passive senses without alerting you."
"Well I guess a bit of passive defense is better than no defense in the end. Probably going to just chalk this one up as another piece of random human phenomena that I don't fully understand." Upon the questioning looks of the delegation surrounding me as well as Celestia giving me her own gaze of curiosity I decided to elaborate a little. "Just some quirks of my kind that I find a little bit weird y'know? Things like hysterical strength where someone can suddenly lift thousands of pounds of metal to save a kid or when you sometimes wake up at night and get this prickly feeling like something is watc-"
"Anonymous?" Celestia stops to follow my gaze as I stop and turn around to find a lotus blossom drifting down from a nearby roof. Once I picked it up I return my gaze to them and catch them exchanging looks between each other as I hold up the lotus blossom.
"I guess the message has been relayed?" I let the unicorn levitate the blossom out of my grasp as he fixes me with a strange look.
"Strange phenomena indeed honored diplomat, strange phenomena indeed." He turns to lead us into the final stretch of our journey to reach the princess. Once he had moved a ways up the column Celestia walked a tad closer before quietly questioning me.
"So it that how you were able to get so much distance with that noble?" I can't help but smirk as her eyes twinkle with mirth.
"No, that was just me being angry about what he called my generous hosts... That and once he realized I was going to yeet him out the window he stiffened up like a board so it was almost like throwing an insufferable lawn dart into the garden." I can't help but chuckle at the memory.
Celestia barely holds back her own jovial nature as she recalls things from her perspective as well. "Yes an insufferable lawn dart that stormed into the court with a gourd still fixed upon his horn to file a complaint." We both smile at the memory as the retinue stops before a large building.
"Say, before we go inside and get bored to death with more politics... What ever happened to old 'Bitch-kebab' anyway?" I nearly break her mask with that one as if we hadn't been in a political setting I imagine she'd have actually gone into a laughing fit over that one.
"If you must know he has been staying in the background of most political discourse thanks to his little blunder in bringing up that case in front of the entire court. After all it's quite difficult to explain why one was thrown from a window if the pony they are explaining it to is the very same they had just insulted prior. In the end Sir Fancypants scorned him in front of the other nobles saying that he was lucky that you aimed for the gourds instead of the compost heap like he deserved." Celestia gazed at me in an unspoken question of whether I had been aiming or not.
"I may have had the opportunity, but I figured he'd go and be a problem for someone else before cleaning up so I thought him tracking in a bit of produce would be the better option." My grin widens as she tilts her head towards me.
"I thank you for being ever so considerate as to where you throw the nobility, both on my behalf and the maids." Her small smile grows as well as I tilt my own head to her and speak in my mock courtly voice.
"Myself and my noble yeeting arm are ever at your service my liege." I finish with a light chuckle before rising back up as I await her response.
Before we can delve further into our little banter session the unicorn that had escorted us so far cleared his throat to draw our attention to the meeting that awaited us. As he sidled up next to us to lead us inside he paused for a moment before making a remark. "Please do avoid marring the princesses gardens with annoying nobility... after all we do have a harbor."
I look back at our escort as the small grin he had disappears into his professional mask before he steps towards the entryway. With the sudden break in his normally professional behavior mixed in with a surprising amount of humor I couldn't help but mutter to myself, "I like the way this guy thinks... Best not to tell him what Americans like to throw in harbor though."