4-Note: Now that I have attempted and succeeded at writing the first part of this book. The first thing I’m going to say is: that was hard, tedious, and weird. Have you tried writing about yourself in 3rd pony? It's weird. Practice makes better I suppose...
Rule #4 : Have You tried Turning On and Off Again?
...It’s honestly hard to talk about this one. It’s not even presented in a rule manor. It’s a question and an irritating one at that. Somepony tells you this when they think you're incompetent or they themself are incompetent in whatever you're trying to fix. I’ve even heard this said when you can't even turn it on and off. Not clear enough yet?
Is your clock working? Have you tried turning on and off again?
Fan ‘kablazed’? Have you tried turning on and off again?
Robot on the fritz? Have you tried turning on and off again?
Having a mental breakdown? Have you tried turning on and off again?
Marital problems? Have you tried turning on and off again?
This is implied everywhere. I could pull some philosophical crap about restarting or something like that. But I and hopefully you both know that at heart Rule 4 is one of those statements that is just so simple and frustrating that there’s really no point in masking it to be something it’s not. And that is ‘deep’. Rule 4 is just one of those ‘so blunt it’s sharp’ kinda things.
The weird thing is that it works. Most things that can be turned off and on again will fix its problem if done so. Even worse it seems to work at random. So when you finally convince Tech support to send somepony to come help you fix your problem, they turn it on and off again and it works. Then they look at you like your an idiot and charge you. Can I explain this? Not in the slightest. Why is this a rule?
...It would sound stupid if I told you without telling you the whole story. I’ll tell you later on. What I will tell you is don’t disregard this rule. This one works just like the others, situational convenient.
Rule #5: There are No constants
I can imagine it now, somepony is going to read this and say “what?!?? what about Time? and the Sun? or Equestria?” First of those are all horrible examples. and secondly...
Rule #5b: There are Only constants
Trust me i’ve thought about that. Pick a side any side, I cain’t tell you which statement is more accurate. No... really I caint. I don’t know myself. Hence both of them sitting there mocking me. When I seem so close to thinking on one side I get something that pulls me to the other side. Then I thought about this:
There being No constants...is constant.
Which means The No constant is the only constant...
This kinda crap hurts to think about sometimes.
Ok so we are going to take a little break from rules. Not because they're boring or anything like that. No, Its because I have pages to fill because its good to talk about other things. I believe last time I wrote a chapter for this book I believe I was talking about the first time I tried making a friend. That went splashingly didn't it? But anyways, today we (I) are going to talk about ...well multiple things (don’t judge me i've been in writers coma for the past few weeks, A good writing exercise will help me get my groove back).
Discussion 1: DEATH
If there is one thing that will get this book not published or sued (besides it not being good) it will be my utterly stupid and tasteless opinions. What can you say about Death?...Too many things thats why you have books like: Death and You, a Guide to All things Dead. and my personal favorite: Malicious Intentions, and Consequences. And before some smart donkey sends me mail about which death I mean, Yes I mean Death. The one about Dead things. All the context above points towards the dead not the hearing impaired. There not even spelled the same...
Anyways, our society at large avoids death like the plague. You don’t talk about it, you don’t tell ponys about it, You FEAR it: For it is DEATH. Try going to a party and get a 30 to 40 minute discussion going about graveyards with a random pony. I won't deny it’s not possible, but you sure do get bad responses. And sure, you do get the occasional necromancer, necrophiliac,and necromantic that will gladly talk to you about graveyards But the general response is negative.
And why is that? Three reasons.
One: FEAR
Two: Respect
Three: Memories
The only one I really get is the respect thing. yes, yes, bad memories. But really the dead are dead. There's no helping that. I'm pretty sure I'm missing something. Because when i've looked at the people that were close to me who have died, I don't get overcome by sadness or anything just...nothing really. the closest thing I guess would be respect. Moving on to FEAR before I say anything more stupid. I don't understand this one either really, At some time or another it becomes common knowledge that you realize that Everypony dies (...besides Celestia...and Luna...and Discord an-NOT immortal souls, those ponies die Ok?). Suddenly you got to do something before you die. So let me ask you a question.
Will you do something Important in your lifetime?
Yes
No
I don't know...
I've done so already
Who cares?
I'd like to try
I think this question has caused more midlife crisis than most ponies give it credit for. Its also up to a lot of interpretation and different measurement. a successful Author or a model could say they have and so could a farmer or a middle class civilian. But have they really? This question is hard to answer seriously. I'd like to think that our society is based on this idea/question and the mind sets and stereotypes that go into the 6 answers above.
So back to Fear And Death. This question followed by pain and then unknown = mass panic and FEAR. This is why I’d like to think Death is scary to most ponies. I...I don't get it. If this is really it, Then i'm lost. Do You get it? please tell me. If anything, Death should be a relief after all the crap Life consistently throws in your face. Unless you're like some sorta super masochist I would think death be about as appealing as life. And even as the super masochist Death would be like this ultimate thrill the you don't want to achieve because you want to feel the pain of a near death experience over and over. I can't even say that and feel like thats right, any extreme masochists out there will have to send me a letter to tell me if that assumption is right before I ever say that again.
So what is it? is it the pain of death? Hate to break it to you but if you die you won't feel pain anymore. Is it pain for others? why should you care? you're dead. Is it the Unknown? At some point or another you got to take blind steps forward to make progress. Is it a physical entity of death? I don't know about you but i think it would be neat to talk to somepony like that. Even if it did end with my immediate removal from existence. In other words, I JUST DON'T GET IT
De: Or in other words why I brought this up (De= Discussion End).I brought this up because if you're anything like myself you're A: a social introvert who needs to be told stuff before you make a fool of yourself B: like thought provocation or C: Tired of just having conversations with oneself.
Why death specifically? cause’ nopony seems to want to talk about it. Besides....its intresting.
Discussion 2: Muffins Vs. Cupcakes
This one is tough, they both serve different purposes. But if I have to chose one I Better list off the benefits,roles, and disadvantages of each respective party. So lets start.
The Muffin
A muffin is pretty simplistic in recipe (most the time) and is good as a breakfast item. Thats not really what it is. The muffin at heart is pure. The simple taste and presentation of a muffin is outstandingly deceptive at first glance. Imagine that you're eating a muffin. What do you eat first? The stump, the top, or both at the same time? It is just a muffin though, so you expect a baked bread kinda taste. But suddenly, after your first bite. It’s not just a breakfast enhancer that you expect to be somewhat like baked bread.
Its a Muffin. A delicious mixture of many things that its its own kind of unique flavor. The amazing feeling of the taste as you eat it only increasing. The sensation of wholeheartedly pureness emanating from it as you eat it. There is nothing complex about it, It is that simple and pure. That is why a Muffin is so widely accepted. That...and they're delicious
The CupCake
When your eyes first set site on a cupcake several things are pretty clear. 1. It kinda looks like a muffin with frosting on it. 2. I kinda want it. 3. This thing is Bad. Not that it won't taste good (although that could be the case). Its bad in the sense that its a gooey sugary treat saying “come at me” and could be a worthy adversary for the easily upset stomach. And several cupcakes?
You know that it will be a stomach ache latter but you don’t care at the time. The taste is what you’re focusing on. If you had a cupcake before you know what it will taste like, but it compares nothing to what it actually tastes like when you're tasting it. A cupcakes badness seems serial almost. you know while you're eating it, its setting you up for a queasiness thats most unwelcome, Or a toothache thats unpleasant, And more unsettling is it goes straight to the thighs.
If cupcakes were any bad...er, they would be wearing sunglasses and black leather coats. They are bad to the bone...the cupcake bone...moving on.
The Problems
Muffins are pure but lacks...something and Cupcakes are tasty and bad.
De: I don’t like to say I have a favorites but in this case I do. I don’t think I have to say which is my favorite (its obvious is it not?). So what's your favorite? In Vs. situation its always fun to hear more opinions so send me a letter on your opinion. course’ this is asking ponies at least 1 year in advance due to editing and publishing (thats if I get lucky) so remind me what topic were on.
...there I go again, thinking ponies will actually send me letters or that ponies will read this.
*Ahem*... where was I?
Attempt 2 ‘Conquest’
Believe it or not after I failed miserably the first time I did Try again. This time was more successful...Kinda. I Think?
Grey with a yellow mane, eyes crooked with yellow irises and wings of moderate size. Ditzy always thought her appearance was distinctive. Not that it mattered really, she never really cared about her appearance. Ditzy was standing in front of her mirror staring intently at her reflection. As like previous times, it was almost noon and Thanks to the “Muffin Incident” Ditzy was given 2 days leave from work.
Ditzys reflection smiled
you're here early
“I got the day off”
so you go to the mirror room?
“I can visit any room I want”
so why this one
“I...I wanted your advice”
So what is it this time? money problems? Did Hal finally fire you? did somepony be mean to you again?
“How do I make a friend?”
pfft- How should I know? I'm only mean to you yet you come back anyways.
“You're getting nicer”
have you tried talking to ponies?
“tried that, next?”
uhh.....Hey! why ask me? Go ask an expert or something.
“Is there a expert on making friends?”
To Some ponies this exchange would be strange. To Ditzy its company. Very argumentative, irritable, mean company...that appears as her reflection. Ditzy never really thought about it really. One day she started talking to her mirror and it talked back. Lately it has been getting nicer, it used to do nothing but tease her. Ditzy would say its a freind but-
HEY! We have been thru this before! You are Not a friend. you may have given me a room but that does not make us friends. You're my caretaker if anything...
-it had other ideas. Less friendly ideas apparently.
Are you going to just sit there and narrate to yourself? go and find a friend expert.
“Where would I start?”
I can't do everything for you
“...fine”
This was do or die take 2. Time for OPERATION: JUNO PROJECT
First objective: find the Friend Operator
...Did You really just make this a Mission? And why is the friend expert the operator?
“Shut up, TIme TO COMMENCE JUNO PROJECT”
MISSION START
“the Pink Party Pony” the stallion in front of Ditzy answered. He put down his newspaper, looking surprised. “I thought you had work today Ditzy” the stranger knew her name? AND her work schedule? AND ANSWERED HER QUESTION?
“just...who are you?” Ditzy stumbled over her own words. This is weird. Who just gives you a confident straight answer to ‘Who is the Operator’? apparently brown stallions, with dark brown manes and a eyeglass cutie mark.
“you don’t...know who I am?” Now he looked worried
“N-No...Should I?”
The light in his eyes seemed to fade a little. He quickly stood up and crossed the table he was at. The cheery outdoor atmosphere of the cafe was all but silenced.
“ what did you do earlier today”
“excuse me?”
“what did you do earlier today”
“T-talked to my mirror” some reason Ditzy thought it would be better to answer truthfully
“Juno”
“what?”
“your Miroir, Juno. Thats her name.” The stranger was now barely an inch away from Ditzy. This was now full blown weird now. Juno? Like what Ditzy named her operation (project)?
Could this guy get any creepier?
“Complement me, And please don’t ask questions. just do it.”
“your eyes are...pretty?” Ditzy felt kinda dumb now. Did she really just say that? Why was this stallion so serious anyways?
“The degeneration process hasn't started yet...How early is The Juno project?”
Forget full blown weid, this is somepony hooved you drink and then you're in the woods wearing tattered socks and a backpack filled with rocks. How would anypony know about something she made up earlier that day? No pony in town seemed to care or be creepy enough to spy on her.
“It...started today. How do you know about that?” yet again The truth seemed like a good idea to Ditzy. Although saying anything seemed like a good idea, just who is this?
“...Today!?” now Ditzy did it. He looked horrified.
“Is that...bad?”
“I need to leave, right now. Ditzy, Don’t do anything drastic without my signal. Trust me on this, I'm your Friend not your enemy” with that he trotted away.
Friend?
FRIEND?!?!
HOLD THE PRESSES
“WHO ARE YOU”
It occurred to Ditzy later that she could have chased after him. The whole thing was bizarre. He seemed completely serious about it...
If he was to be trusted. Then Ditzy should go look for The ‘Pink Party Pony’.
Are you just going to sit there and stare at me?
“oh...sorry...”
Geez, you're more scatter brained than normal. Still thinking about that stranger?
“yes...”
I like the name. Juno...sounds Important.
Ditzy was back in her house, in the mirror/’Juno’s’ Room. There wasn't really a reason to be there. Just good spot to think. Ponder mode in full kick.
Isn't obvious? Go test if this guy is correct. You never found the ‘friend operator’ anyways. You even thinking about it! Theres not many pink ponies in town so this should be pretty easy.
“Unless its not a pink pony, that could just be a code name.”
I suppose...how bought the ‘party’ part. Whoever would pick their name to have party in it must have to do something with parties.
“Maybe, maybe not...”
Well its are only lead. SO what was the last party you went to?
“Well I wasn't really invited, they just kinda pushed me in there...”
Still counts. So where was it?
Ponyville Library was always a strange building to Ditzy. Why a tree? Now was not the time to figure it out though.
just knock, its not that hard...
“Allright...I can do this” Ditzy took a deep breath and knocked.
*Thump*
What was that? Sounded like it came from inside. Did something drop? I always hate it when that happens. That must be brutal in a library...to knock over books that is. Well not so bad that you burn them after the 50th time that it happens.
*Ka-FWAMP* *BUMf* *DU-Du-DU-du-Du-DU*
*BAM*
That sounded like it hurt...
The door opened to reveal a very tired looking baby dragon.
“Hello?”
Ditzy looked at the sky. It was barely evening, so why was he asleep? No, Focus Ditzy you're on a mission. Say Hi and get straight to questioning. Ask questions later.
“you alright?”
Crap! that wasn't what I meant to say. Please don’t notice...
“yeah, I'm alright...I don’t think we've met. Im spike.”
Spike offered a claw and ditzy shook it. He was at the party...I think. I’ll ask him first.
“Hi, I’m Ditzy Doo, what can you tell me about The “Operator”? Also goes by the name “Pink Party Pony”.