//------------------------------// // I second that Emotion // Story: Planet Express's Package Pony // by The Cowardly Christian //------------------------------// In the Planet Express's Kitchen, Leela picked up a large can of Kibbles 'n' Snouts and carried it over to a huge electric can opener on the wall. Outside, Derpy and Nibbler slept, though Derpy herself wore a helmet. Nibbler's third eye & Derpy's ears perked up and looked around as they heard the can opener. The two got up and ran into the kitchen. Back in the kitchen, as Derpy & Nibbler entered, Derpy rested on Fry's head as he got some coffee as Nibbler waited excitedly. Leela tipped the can over and the meat slowly slides out from inside. Nibbler sat in his food dish and the meat falls on him, but he scoffs it in a few bites. "Aww! Somebody likes snouts." Leela cooed. Derpy cringed at the sight. "Is it me?" Fry asked. Derpy slapped him. Bender wandered in, humming to himself. The magnet on the can opener pulls him off the floor and starts cutting into him. "Ow, my head!" He screamed in pain "My precious head!" Leela quickly turned the can opener off and Bender edges away from it. "Stupid can opener. You killed my father and now you've come back for me!" Derpy flew to him. "You alright, Bender?" She asked. Bender rubbed his head. The top half is cut like a half-open can. "Yeah, I guess so. But I don't see why we keep this ticking time-bomb around just for that dumb animal!" "Don't yell at Nibbler like that." Leela retorted, picking him up. "You hurt his feelings. Come on, pet him and make up." Bender turned "No." "I said pet him." "I'll pet him. I'll pet him with both hands!" Nibbler leaped out of Leela's hands and bites Bender's shiny metal ass. "Ow! My ass! Get off!" Fry laughed at the sight. "What's so funny?" Derpy asked "You did the same thing." He answered. Nibbler released Bender's ass "Are you alright!?" Leela asked "Ah, it's nothing a lawsuit won't cure." Bender answered "Not you." She picked up Nibbler and looked into his mouth. "Aww, poor baby chipped a fang." She carries Nibbler away, kissing and peting him. "Hey, I got a busted ass here, I don't see anyone kissing it." "ZOIDBERG!!!" Derpy announced, ringing a bell. Zoidberg, nearby, puts a book down and stands up from the table. "Alright, I'm coming." He reluctantly spoke In the Animal Clinic Waiting Room, A man sat, stroking a cat; a cat sat, stroking a man, and Leela sat with Nibbler while Fry & Bender stand, and Derpy held a sign reading 'I'm not a pet!'. A door opens and a woman comes out with a two-headed dog, followed by the vet, Jeffery Grant. "Remember," Jeffery spoke "Rover gets the pill and Pepper gets the suppository." The woman and her dog(s) left. "Next!" At an Animal Clinic Examination Room, Derpy learned that, despite many advances in technology, some things din't change. Such is the case that Veterinary surgeries haven't changed much in a thousand years; there is a sink, a paper towel dispenser, and an examination table in the middle of the room, which Nibbler sits on. Jeffery fetches a small hammer and taps Nibbler on the head with it, making him squeal. He looks in his mouth. "It's just a simple broken fang, nothing serious." He spoke "What's that you say there, doctor?" Bender asked "You're gonna have to put him down?" "No. What? Huh?" He looks at Fry, Derpy, and Leela in confusion. Bender shakes his head "Terrible shame that. Shall I do the honors?" He reached up to a shelf and takes down a bottle with some pink liquid in it marked "Goose Laxative". He holds the bottle by it's neck, smashes it on a table and points it at Nibbler. Derpy took out a video camera and recorded Leela, reaching across. "No!" She simply shouted, ripping Bender's arm off and smacking it against the table until it lets go of the broken bottle. "You about done?" "Next time I'm keeping it." She tosses the arm over her shoulder and Bender reattaches it. Derpy stopped recording. "And another million views." Derpy smiled, uploading the video. "OK, well I believe I have a replacement fang for your pet in the next room." Jeffery said as he walked through a door. It didn't close it. The group stepped back in horror when they heard an animal growling. Jeffery struggles with the growling creature and glass breaks. He flails his legs around and runs back into the examination room. The door closes. His shirt is ripped and blooded and he has a bruised eye. "The jaguar didn't wanna cooperate but luckily he knocked one of my teeth out. Heh heh... Now then." He pulled out the broken crown of Nibbler's fang and sets it down on a table. Fry picks it up. "Hey, what are these rings in Nibbler's fang?" Fry asked. Jeffery attaches Nibbler's new tooth with a laser. "Um, I'm still a little woozy from a gazelle kick this morning but if he's anything like the common tree, the rings might indicate his age." Fry laughs. "Yeah, well, good luck. It'd take some kind of genius to count all those rings." Derpy peeked "He's five." She said, followed by another slap to his face. In the Planet Express Lounge room, a "Happy 5th Birthday Nibbler" banner has been strung up on the wall. Despite not knowing when he was actually born, everyone figured that this should be Nibbler's unofficial birthday. "Happy birthday, young Nibbler." Fanrsworth spoke. Everyone sat on the floor surrounded by opened presents. The room is decorated with balloons and streamers and Fry sticks a picture to the wall. Nibbler scratches himself and runs around. "Aww, look how cuddly he looks in his new cape!" Leela cooed at Nibbler "I'd be cuddly too if someone gave me a new cape." Bender replied sarcastically. Derpy, hearing this, wrote down 'Make Bender a cape' in her notebook, right under 'Steal For Knox Gold' and 'Find more muffins' "Who's playing pin the tail on the moon maggot?" Fry asked. Bender snatches a tail from his hand. "Ooh, me! Everyone watch how good I am!" He 'closed' his eyes and used his cheating unit to pinpoint the exact place the tail should go, mostly indicated by his beeping. He pins it on, opens his eyes and cheers. "And the crowd goes wild! What prize do I get? Cash?" He turns around. No one is interested, though Derpy crossed her forelegs. "Cheater." She said "Hey, look at Nibbler!" Any spoke. Derpy flapped her wings and flew to them. Nibbler sat in a high-chair at the table and chews a spoon. "Aww, he's holding a spoon." Hermes cooed "He's so talented!" Zoidberg complimented "You call that talent!?" Bender asked "Gather round old Bender and get ready for the show of a lifetime! He took off his head, whistles Sweet Georgia Brown, and spun his head like a Globetrotter then reattaches it. "Ta-da!" He grumbles as no one but Derpy watched, though she recorded him. "That's some good Family Friendly stuff now." She said, uploading it. Leela put on a pointy party hat on Nibbler and his third eye pops out of the top. Hermes gasps. "Now he's wearing a hat!" He exclaimed "Come on, let's all sing Happy Birthday!" Leela spoke. ♫What day is today? It's Nibbler's birthday, What a day for a birthday, Let's all have some cake.♫ "And you smell like one too!" Fry added, giggling. Derpy blew a raspberry at him. "Hey, what about this?" Bender spoke, dancing around and whistling Sweet Georgia Brown again. "Bender, I thought you were supposed to be cooking for this party." Leela interupted "Fine, we'll have rack of Nibbler." "Just make a simple cake. And this time, if someone's going to jump out of it, make sure you put them in after you cook it." "Pepper was surely hot." Derpy said, holding up a picture of a model that was cut out of Scruffy's magazines. "So it's a cake you want, is it?" Bender asked "I'll make you a cake you'll never forget." In the kitchen, Derpy watched over Bender as he took some rat poison out of a cupboard and laughs insanely as he tips it onto something. Turns out, he's pouring it next to a hole in the bottom of the wall. "That'll take care of those annoying rats." He said to himself as he puts it back in the cupboard. "Now, to bake a cake so delicious they'll have no choice but to love and worship me." "Pfft, yeah right." Derpy said, pulling out one of Bender's magazines "That'll be the day when I turn human... hm... I don't really get the circuity here." Bender whistles more Sweet Georgia Brown as he walks to the fridge and takes two eggs out of a 12-pack of various grade bird eggs. He juggles them around, then rolls them across his shoulders and into a bowl. He tips in some flour, some Third & Third & Third and then uses his hand to whisk the mixture. He pours the mixture into a cake tin, puts the tin in his chest cabinet and switches it from 'refrigerate to 'E-Z bake', closes the door and hums as it cooks. Time had passed, and Derpy recorded everything. Bender ices the 5-tier birthday cake and puts a little Bender ornament on the top. "There! This'll teach those filthy bastards who's lovable." He said "Now all I have to do is spell check it and it's ready for my admiring public." He turns around and washes his hands. While his back is turned, Nibbler hops around the worktops and starts sniffing the cake. Derpy, held her breath, wanting it help her uncle out, but seeing the potential internet gold was in front of her! Bender turns around and saw "No! Get away from there!" Nibbler gobbles up the cake and Bender screams. Nibbler burped as the cake was gone. "That's it." He grabbed Nibbler by the eyestalk and marched to the bathroom. Derpy followed as Bender lifts the toilet seat lid. "Happy birthday!" He droped Nibbler in and flushes the toilet. Nibbler starts turning. Leela entered "Bender," she spoke "what's going-?" She gasps when she sees Nibbler disappear. "No!!!" "Hey! Can't you see I'm using the toilet?" "He paid me to do it!!!" Derpy lied, flying off and uploading the video. In the Meeting Room, Leela sat at the table, crying with the rest of the staff gathered around her. Derpy patted her back, trying to supportive. "Bender!" Amy yelled "How could you flush Nibbler down the toilet?" Bender sat on a chair with his feet on the table, smoking a cigar. "Well, step one, I had to lift the seat." He answered "That was the first little annoyance. Am I right, men?" "Aren't you upset at all?" Leela asked, still crying. "How would you feel if I flushed Fry down the toilet?" "Only one way to find out." "You have no sympathy for anyone else's feelings!" "Of course I do. Right now I feel sorry for you." "...You do?" "Yeah. I mean, one cantaloupe-sized bloodshot eye? You ain't winning no beauty pageants, lady." Leela cries some more. Derpy lifted a baseball bat. "Hold still." She said in anger. In the Bathroom, everyone, except Bender, stands around the toilet. Leela dabs her eyes with a tissue. "And so we say goodbye to our beloved pet, Nibbler," Farnswirth spoke. "who's gone to a place where I too hope one day to go: The toilet." Leela sobs and Fry nods to Hermes, who places a lily into the toilet. He nods back to Fry and he flushes the lily away. "I wouldn't feel so bad if Bender just understood the pain he caused me." Leela cried. They all hear Bender laughing. They peer around the door. Bender watches All My Circuits. Calculon is lying in a hospital bed. "Give it to me straight, doctor, don't sugarcoat it." Calculon spoke to a robot doctor next to him. "Very well." The Docbot replied "Your entire family died when a plane piloted by your fiance crashed into your uninsured home. And you have inoperable cancer." Bender laughs and kicks his legs. "Bet you weren't expecting that one, Calculon!" He laughed again. "It's like he doesn't understand simple humanoid emotion." Amy said. "Ahem." Derpy coughed, pointing at herself. "I wish just once Bender could feel exactly what I feel." Leela added. "Actually, through the miracle of science, that can be arranged." Farnsworth replied :Uh-oh. Is this gonna be another crazy experiment that crosses a line Man was not meant to cross?" Fry asked. "I'm no man, so we'll do it!!!" Derpy proclaimed, flying out of the bathroom. "TO THE LAB!!!" 1 Hour Later Bender still sat on the couch, watching the news as an official death toll in a tragic rocket crash had been raised to 54,000. Again, he snickered, but Fry, Hermes and Zoidberg grab him and pin him to the table. Farnsworth unscrewed his head. "Hey, what the hell are you doing with my head!?" Bender demanded. Farnsworth carries him across the room. "I need to tinker in it." He answered "Why don't you just use a potted plant like Fry?" "Quiet, you. I'm installing an empathy chip." He holds up a little green chip in a pair of pliers. "And that'll allow Bender to feel other people's emotions?" Fry asked "Yes. If by 'allow' you mean 'force'." He screws Bender's head into a vice and Derpy starts hammering the chip into the side of it, though, she purposely missed some strikes. "Thank you." He takes Bender's head out of the vice and rejoins it to his body. "Now I'll simply tune it to Leela's emotional frequency." He turns the chip with a screwdriver. It beeps. "My God!" Bender proclaimed "I'm overcome with ... feelings. I'm experiencing a powerful yearning to ... to cram my gullet full of mackerel heads." "That's me, baby!" Zoidberg said. Fansworth turned the chip again. "Now I'm worried that I'm not as smart as Leela," Bender said "but at the same time I feel relieved that I'm cuter than her." "Uh ... that's me." Amy said, embarrassed "Thanks for covering." Fry whispered. Farnsworth turned the chip again. "When people rely on surface appearances and false racial stereotypes, rather than in-depth knowledge of others at the level of the heart, mind and spirit, their ability to assess and understand people accurately is compromised." Bender quoted "...Read more at: http://www.brainyquote.com" "Wow! He quoted what I loved!" Derpy spoke. Fanrsworth turned it again. "This time I miss Nibbler and I'm feeling nosy and opinionated." "Bingo!" Amy proclaimed "That's Leela!" Hermes added "Thank you, Professor." Leela said "I'm happy that Bender can finally feel my pain." The chip beeped "Happy." Bender said "I like this feeling. Just don't revert to your usual mopey self." "I'm not mopey. You shut up!" The chip beeped "Anger, huh? How dare you make me feel anger, you one-eyed jerk with a dead pet!" He laughs and Leela cries. The chip beeps and he cries too. "This is so weird!" Derpy proclaimed. To help her mom out, and pay for the bill, Derpy, Leela, and Amy had a girl's night out at O'Zorgnax's Pub. Leela wore a blue dress, Amy with a green top, and Derpy in another dress "Thanks for taking me out, Gals." Leela thanked the two "I feel slightly less miserable already." "Hey, you know what'd cheer you up?" Amy asked "You should get a puppy." "A puppy? ...Nibbler loved to eat puppies." She bursts into tears. Derpy pulled out her checklist and scratched out 'Get a Puppy'. She pulled her cellphone out and went into the restroom. Fry answered. "Oh, hey Derpy." He replied "What's Bender doing?" She asked. Bender suddenly cried "What's your problem?" "I miss Nibbler!" Bender whined "You do?" "Hell, no! It's Leela's stupid feelings.: He picks up a bottle of Olde Fortran. "Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?" "Watch yourself!" Derpy warned "That's my mom!" She peaked out of the bathroom; Amy and a Hispanic guy dance closely. Leela drums her fingers and growls. "Uh-oh, jealousy." Derpy and Bender spoke in unison. She watched from the dropped phone's perspective as Bender stood up and points at Fry. "You think you're so hot!" Bender yelled "What?" Fry asked "The only reason you get all the guys is because you dress like a tramp!" He slaps Fry, making him drop his Slurm. Fry began to cry. "They're just responding to my personality." Derpy peaked out again; Leela is still sat at the bar and the guy has his arm around Amy as they approached to Leela. "Um, Leela?" Amy asked "Armando and I are going to the back seat of his car for coffee. You gonna be alright here by yourself?" "Sure." Leela replied in theatrical happiness "I'm having a great time -- really. You two go enjoy yourselves." They leave. Derpy turned back to her phone "I'm so lonely!!!" Bender cried again "I'm gonna go eat a bucket of ice cream." He walks off, crying to himself. "The spoon's in the foot powder!" Fry spoke. "...Maybe this is a bad idea." Derpy thought to herself, hanging up the phone and walking back to her mom. She rubbed her arm. "Let's get some icecream." "...Thanks." Leela replied, giving her a warm hug, still tearing up. "You know... I kinda thought you'd be with Bender on this." "...I was... but... I think the best form of happiness you can get is not by getting something yourself... but seeing someone else have the joy." "Aw... thank you, Derpy." In the following morning, in the Planet Express Meeting Room, A tear streamed down Leela's face as she looks at a photo of her and Nibbler in one of the cut outs at a beach where the head is. Derpy stood with Bender and Fry, watching from the doorway. Bender sighs. "I'm at the end of my rope." He spoke "I can't live another minute without poor, sweet Nibbler." "Too bad he wasn't an alligator." Fry replied "Y'know, when you flush those things, they stay alive in the sewers." "Really?" "Yep." Fry spoke "My friend's cousin's caseworker saw one once. It's a widely-believed fact. "That's a myth." Derpy scolded "Hmm, sewers." Bender thought aloud, scratching his chin. "Thinking, thinking, thinking...." In the Bathroom, Bender stands in the toilet. Derpy facehoofed herself "Hang on, Nibbler!" He yelled "Uncle Bender's coming to save you!" He flushes the toilet but doesn't go anywhere. "Damn, it's too small." He climbs out of it. "What did those human design this for anyway?" "For pooping." Derpy replied. Bender disconnects his left arm, drops it down the toilet and flushes it away. "Aha! Bender, one; toilet, zero!" He spins his head off and flushes it. "See you on the other side!" "...How the hell-!?" Someone knocks on the door. "Bender? Derpy?" Fry's voice spoke before the door opens "Have any of you seen my sombrero?" He gasps as Bender's right arm flushes itself away. "...How the Hell-!?" The staff sit around the table in the meeting "Now he's flushed himself down the toilet?" Leela asked "Who's he gonna flush next?" "I'm just surprised that the toilet could flush all of his parts down!" Derpy added. "It's your fault, Leela!" Fry pointed "He only flushed himself because your emotions made him feel bad." "You're right. I feel terrible." "Oh, great, now you're making him feel worse!" "Quickly! Take lessons from Kristen Stewart!" Derpy added, holding the unfazed head of Kristen Stewart. "Someone. Help." She 'yelled' "Sorry, but I guess we'd better go down into the sewers and look for him." Leela took initiative "Are you crazy!?" Amy exclaimed "There's mutants down there! They'll eat you alive!" "They're hideous!" Zoidberg added. "It'll be better than looking at you." Derpy replied. "OHH!!!" Everyone but Leela yelled "There's no such thing as mutants." Leela spoke "That's a ridiculous urban myth." "Oh, don't be so sure." Farnsworth replied "Many scientists believe humans really could mutate down there. Uh, due to exposure to toxic waste and radioactive run-off and good old American feces!" "God bless America." Fry said. On a New New York City Street, In the middle of the road outside the Planet Express building, Leela lifts a manhole cover with a picture of Thurgood Stubbs from The PJs engraved on it. Fry and Derpy peer down the hole as she drags it away. "Phew!" Fry exclaimed at the small "Uh, ladies first." Derpy pushed him down the hole and he screams before splashing into the sewer water below. "Oh, and the aftertaste!" Derpy's cheeks perked, but she swallowed. The three crawled through the pitch black tunnels. Fry lights a match and screams. "What is it?" Leela asked "I burned my finger." He replied. "Gimme!" Derpy snatched it and lead the way They float down the sewer river on an inflatable yellow raft, pointing flashlights around. "OK, check the guidebook." Leela spoke. Fry shines his torch onto a page of 'Let's Go Sewers'. "Looks like we're under Park Avenue." He replied "Ooh, ritzy! Just think: All this was probably once a charity luncheon for the Met." A noise comes from down the sewers. Derpy hid between the two, taking a gun out. "Wait, what's that?" "Whatever it is, it won't be happy!" Derpy said, cocking the gun. They shine their torches down the tunnels and see Bender at the other end trying to reattach his limbs. He has his right arm in his right leg socket and his right leg to the right arm socket. "I never should have thrown out the manual." He groaned to himself "Bender, you didn't have to come down here." Leela said, walking to the robot "I know. But I just missed Nibbler so much." "He was so cute." She began to cry. The chip beeped "He was so sweet." Bender cried and the two hug each other. "Eck! This emotional display is making me nauseous." Fry commented. He points the torch at something in the water. "Or maybe it's whatever that is." Derpy puked in the waters. The four sit in the raft as it carries on through the sewers. "Nibbler!?" Leela shouted "Nibbler!?" Bender shouted "It's no use. We'd better turn back. Which way, Fry?" "Hmm. According to this map, the only way out is through ... that pipe." Fry pointed his torch at an extremely thin pipe. The three glare at him. "Don't worry. It gets wider after about a mile." "Idiot." The three said simultaneously "OK, OK, never mind. I'll just ask those people for directions." He points the torch ahead. Hideous creatures were in the each, each diverse with extra bodily features such as arms, eyes, noses, hands. They growl at them "Mutants!" Derpy yelled Fry screams, then Leela, then, after his chip has beeped, Bender. Derpy reached for her gun, but gafgged as it had a brown surprise on it. Fry pushed them all aside "I'll take care of this!" He spoke. He set the end of the guidebook alight and points it at the mutants. "Back! Back!" One of the mutants, a hideous woman with green scaly skin, a snout and gills, steps forwards and uses the flaming guidebook to light a cigarette. She smokes it and smoke comes out of her gills. "Thanks, handsome." It spoke in a raspy woman's voice. Another mutant with a huge forehead and two noses stepped forward. "Please, do not be frightened, we're harmless." He spoke "I have three arms." Another mutant with a third arm over where his right ear should be, retorted. "I said "harmless" not "armless"." "Lay off him." The smoking mutant replied "You know he's only got one ear." "Hey, aren't you supposed to be eating our brains?" Fry asked "You're mutants." "Don't give them ideas!!!" Derpy exclaimed, jumping and hiding in Bender's chest. "Mutants?" The Forehead asked "Perhaps it is you who are the mutants." "Please, Dwayne, have you looked in a mirror lately?" The pig nosed woman asked The mutants lead Fry, Leela, Derpy, and Bender down the tunnels and into an open space with buildings and other mutants. The forehead was introduced as Dwayne, the pig nosed woman as Vyolet, and the three armed as Raoul. Derpy flew ahead and avoided both the touches of the mutants that thought she was cute, and any of her surroundings. "Welcome to our village." Raoul introduced the group "It may not be Paris but it has a certain quaint charm that I, for one, wouldn't trade for the world." "You guys realize you live in a sewer, right?" Bender asked "Perhaps." Dwayne replied "But perhaps your civilization is merely the sewer of an even greater society above you." "No, we're on the top." Leela replied. Derpy snickered. "Daylight and everything." Fry added. Dwayne groaned "It must be wonderful." Vyolet spoke, dream-like "Eh." Bender replied, making the "middle-of-the-road" gesture. "It doesn't have great Wi-Fi." Derpy added. "Listen, we actually came down here to find our pet, Nibbler." Leela spoke "He got flushed down the toilet." "Well if he got flushed down the toilet he probably came through here." Raoul replied "Everything always does. Follow me." He opens an umbrella and they follow him, covering themselves, though Derpy used her wings. "All that is ours was once flushed down your toilets. Over there is our aquarium." He points at a fish tank with eight fish and a yellow bird floating dead on the top. "This is our library." The library is just a shelf. Derpy looked at what is on offer. "Nothing but crumpled porno and Ayn Rand." She observed "And over here is our church." Fry opened the door and looks around. In front of the altar is a huge nuclear warhead. "Wow. You guys worship an unexploded nuclear bomb?" He asked "Yeah, but nobody's that observant." Vyolet replied "It's mainly a Christmas and Easter thing." Derpy picked up a copy of a famous post apocalyptic game. "You have predicted the future, 2008." She said. The group walk down a street and pass many dry cleaners.] "Nibbler!?" Leela shouted "Come to Daddy, sweetie-ookums." Bender added "So, is it true that alligators flushed down the toilet survive down here?" Fry asked "No. That's just an urban legend." Vyolet replid. "HA!!!" Derpy laughed "YOU OWE ME 10 BUCKS!!!" "Then what are those?" Bender pointed "Crocodiles." Vyolet answered with a snort "We keep them as pets." Raoul added "Then, when they grow too large, we flush them down into the sub-sewer." He points to a huge toilet in the middle of the mutant town. "Some say there's a freakish race of sub-mutants down there." Dwayne commented "Please, that's just a sub-urban legend." Vyolet retorted "Oh? Then I suppose you also don't believe in..." He snatched Fry's torch and shines it under his chin, emphasizing his hideous-ness. "El Chupanibre!!!" The other mutants gasp. "El Chupanibre?" Leela asked "What's that?" Dwayne strums a guitar. "Gather round, children, for the legend of El Chupanibre!" ♫He creeps and crawls in the midnight hush, Silent as a low-flow toilet flush, Watch your step, 'Cause sooner or later, He'll eat you whole, And half your alligator.♫ "Crocodile." Vyolet corrected "Whatever "Wait!" Leela exclaimed "Our pet Nibbler loves fresh crocodile. It's his favorite treat. He must be El Chupanibre!" "Hey, yeah!" Bender added "You unleashed the dreaded El Chupanibre upon us!?" Raoul demanded "Then you are our sworn enemies." The growling mutants surround them. "You shouldn't have said that!" Derpy yelled. "You don't understand." Leela retorted "He would never hurt people. Let us help you capture him." "Impossible!" Dwayne exclaimed "If the legend is true, our only hope is to offer him a snack-rifice." "Yes. An unspoiled virgin." Raoul added "I volunteer." Leela spoke "Nice try, Leela," Vyolet replied "but we've all seen Zapp Brannigan's webpage." Bender laughs and Leela looks sad. Bender's chip beeps and he groans. "Oh... I made myself feel bad." He said. "She'll do!" Raoul spoke, picking up Derpy. "Chain her to the post!" "AHH!!! HELP!!!" Derpy screamed "Get your hands off me you damn, dirty mutants!!! I'll kill you all with the power of toilet cleaning products!!!" Derpy was wrapped around with chains all around a pole She stood under a shaft of light and faced a long, wide sewer pipe. "Behold!" Raoul announced "When El Chupanibre comes for the virgin, he will be snared by this rope trap~" "Shh." Dwayne shushed "El Chupanibre comes soon. It is nightfall." "Nightfall? How can you tell down here?" Leela asked on the side. Splashing noises echoed around the village. "The tide is coming in." "Disgusting!!!" Derpy yelled. Vyolet lies with her ear to the water. "Quiet! The beast approaches." She said. Loud bangs came from the pipe as El Chupanibre got closer. The mutants, Leela, Fry and Bender scarper. They dive behind some boxes with Dwayne joining them. Raoul runs into a building and draws the curtains across him. El Chupanibre's shadow appears and Derpy gasped. "Sexy stallion!!!" she yelled "Where are you at!? I know it'll make you look like a pedophile, but I can't die a virgin!!!" She screamed and struggled as the shadow approached, but got smaller. It turned out to be Nibbler. "...Oh." "Nibbler!" Bender exclaimed "Aw, come here, precious!" He picks up Nibbler. "Look, everyone, it's El Chupanibre!" "That's not El Chupanibre." Dwayne spoke "Say what?" "That's El Chupanibre." He points to a huge green monster standing in the pipe looking down on Bender. It has fangs and yellow, bloodshot eyes. Bender looks round, screams, drops Nibbler and runs away. "I'll take care of this!" Fry spoke. He stepped into the rope trap and screams as it lifts him off the ground and leaves him dangling overhead. El Chupanibre gets closer to Nibbler. Leela screams, making Bender scream. "Bender, do something!" Leela yelled "I'm too scared!" Bender replied "SOMEONE!!! HELP!!!" Derpy yelled, but remembered "Mom! Your scaredness is being transmitted straight to Bender. If you care about Nibbler, stop caring about him!" "I can't!" She replied "I love every living creature." "Even me?" Fry asked "As a friend." "Damn." "Bender!?" Derpy asked as Leela began to cry again. "Wait a minute... Mom! Pretend El Chupanibre is Zapp!!!" This got her mom to stop crying and look at El Chupanibre differently. Immediately, she imagined the monster as the sleazebag himself, Zapp Branigan. "Ooh! Rage!" Bender replied angrily. "Alright! Time to kick some monster ass!!!" The two charge at El Chupanibre, screaming their heads off. Derpy flinched as she saw both her mom and uncle beat the crap outta El Chupanibre! Deep in her mind, she wished she brought her camera along, record this, and post it online, then perhaps edit it with very fitting metal. Eventually, they both threw El Chupanibre into the toilet, with one of Bender's detached arms flushing it. Everyone cheered "Let's have a tissue-tape parade!" Raoul suggested "No, thanks!" Derpy replied. Dwayne released Derpy and another mutant cuts Fry down. He fell into the water and splutters. Leela and Nibbler run to each other. Nibbler jumped into her arms and licks her. Dwayne sits on the toilet with his guitar. "Gather round, children," He announced "let's hear the legend of these freaks." He strums the guitar. "♫They came from above with a-♫" A string snaps and he sighs. "It's gonna be many a year before someone flushes another guitar string." Back in the Planet Express Meeting Room, Fry, Leela and Bender are back and everyone is with them. "That was a disgusting story!" Farnworth exclaimed "And it's all thanks to Derpy." Leela replied, ruffling her mane "I love you, Derpy! That was so therapeutic!" "I love you too, mom." She replied with her own hug. She turned to Farnsworth. "Get that stupid chip out of Bender before he tries to kiss me." Farnsworth prises the chip off with a screwdriver and looks at it. "Bender, you won't believe this, but the empathy chip burned out." He observed "The emotion you felt for Nibbler was actually your own." Derpy gasped. "Looks like Bender learned an important lesson about respecting other people's feelings afterall." Fry replied. Everyone else nods and murmurs in agreement. "No, I'm wrong. The empathy chip was running at triple capacity." Derpy groaned. "And I still barely felt anything." Bender announced "Goodnight, losers!" He walks out. "You know, Bender may not have learned anything from me, but I think I actually learned something from Derpy." Leela spoke, standing up and headed for the door. "So long, jerkwads!" "So long!" Farnsworth replied. "And I'm gonna find myself a stallion!" Derpy replied, walking out, having an extra 'oomf' in her step while shaking her tail as she grabs her tranquilizer gun and chloroform spray... Meanwhile; a strange Stallion in a stranger blue box feels a chill go down his spine...