Celestia found Twilight exactly where she’d expected to find her.
Her crown had been placed atop the gleaming stone of Shining Armor’s grave, and she was resting on the snow with her legs folded and her eyes closed. Her breathing rose in pluming vapours into the darkling autumn sky, and she perked an ear as Celestia’s hooves crunching through the snow signalled her arrival.
“Hello, dear.” Celestia greeted Twilight with a nuzzle, settling down onto the snow next to her and taking her in a wing.
"It... it doesn't get easier, does it?" Twilight opened her eyes, not to look at Celestia but instead to stare directly ahead at the fresh engravings on her brother’s tombstone.
Celestia exhaled. "For myself? It... comes and goes, I find. There are nightmares, still, but... well, a wise and kind and loving mare has seen to those quite well." Celestia smiled at Twilight, but she didn’t seem to reciprocate it, instead still starting ahead. Sombrely, Celestia continued. "Other times, there are days when... when I think of my sister, and the memory feels... empty. As though I'm looking into a riverbed that I know should be flowing with life, but it just... isn't. I cannot even say that there's nothing there, because the absence of something is itself all that remains."
"And other days?"
Celestia managed a weary smile. "Other days, I think of a night with her, spent flying under the stars. I think of two young mares still fresh in their crowns, giggling and laughing at the silliness of a budding Grand Galloping Gala. I think of the decades of love between the two of us, and how much it shaped me into the mare I’ve become. So many ponies see me as this... this wise figurehead. This… statue, by whom so many other leaders should be measured. What they don't know is... I'm... I'm as much myself as I am an amalgamation of all the best memories of the ponies who have come and gone from my life."
"That... that must be hard."
"Sometimes it is. Oftentimes, though... it gives me peace. It tells me that... if those ponies were to meet me again, as I am now, after so many years... they might still like me for the mare I am. We might still rekindle the same love that so much time has failed to steal away. And that is humbling. It makes me feel... mortal.”
“I just... I keep thinking of all the times my brother... tried to call me. All the times I refused to answer, or refused his offers to meet, or swore at him... Celestia, it doesn't feel like I'll ever stop feeling that…”
“Regret is... early. It strikes hard and fast, and it often does so without reason. It invents or distorts situations in order to manifest itself as efficiently as possible. It is simply... the way it is, for ponies like us. Victims of our own self-doubt, you and me both. But Twilight, what I say next is the important part... Regret, hatred, anger, fear… those strike early, but they don’t always crystallize the way the other emotions do. Love... I’ve found that that crystallizes with ease.”
‘“Let's not be strangers anymore…’” Twilight breathed out. "It's... it's the last thing I can remember saying to him. I’ll never get the chance to follow up on that. Not because I didn’t want to, or because he didn’t. The chance was just… stolen from us. How is that fair, Celestia?”
“It is not. And you are right to be angered by it.”
“And then, they almost stole you from me. It would’ve been over for me if they would have. I would have had no one. I would’ve been no one.”
“Now that just isn’t true at all.” Celestia shook her head. “You would be the unicorn who would bring the Sun back to Equestria.”
Twilight scoffed. “Yeah, right.”
“You would have, Twilight. It might take you years. Decades. But you would have.”
Twilight levitated her crown off of the tombstone, turning it over and over in her magic. Running her aura over the meticulous engravings and the carefully polished gemstones. “That’s really kind of you to say, Celestia, but I’m afraid I just don’t believe you.”
“That is because you sometimes neglect to include yourself in your own kindness, Twilight Sparkle.” Celestia nodded her head to Shining Armor’s grave. “Your brother used to say that about you, you know.”
“Did he?”
“He did. I mean, granted, he was talking about a magically gifted little filly who ponies just couldn’t seem to stop from pulling all-nighters hidden beneath her covers reading, but I do believe the effect is the same.”
Despite everything, Twilight managed a little chuckle. “Yeah. He caught me a few times. Never ratted me out to mom, though, so I guess I have that to thank him for.”
“He would be so proud of the mare you’ve grown into, Twilight.”
“Yeah, well. He won’t be anymore.” Twilight looked away again, her ears sinking back down against her head. “Not ever again. I waited long enough to guarantee that.”
“Twilight…”
“No, Celestia. I need to carry some of this. Because it’s on me. Maybe not… maybe not losing him. But never finding him before, when I had the chance. Refusing to be the sister he needed? That’s on me.”
“Dear, please. I know you think it’s what’s fair to him, but...”
“I know how much Luna’s scars hurt you, Celestia.” Twilight cut in before Celestia could finish. “I know how you carry that weight. This is mine, and I deserve to carry it. Don't you dare deny me that. I can do my damnedest to make sure the ponies responsible pay--and believe me, I will--but even that will never wipe away the truth that I deserve to share that guilt myself."
“Twilight, trust me when I say that doing so is not the penance you think it is. Your brother loved you. Your brother would have given anything to protect you. And he certainly would be the first to chide you for thinking that you deserve to drag yourself down over what was done to him.”
“Then what? I just forget? I just clean my hooves of what I could’ve done to help him? Like, ‘Oh well, I tried!’” A bitter edge had crept into Twilight’s voice--it didn’t feel as though it was directed at Celestia, though. More directed at the icy graveyard around them instead.
“No…” Celestia shook her head slowly. “But… well, you already know the answer to that problem yourself. I’ve seen you do it yourself, for me. When I slip into my nightmares of Luna, or Cadance. When the demons of my guilt start to claw at me, and you swoop in to help. To save the day. You do not do so by simply purging those demons in wondrous flashes of light. You do so by reminding me that they do not have to be alone. For every vivid reminder of my failings, you’ve shown me a dozen of my strengths. For every bitter trauma reminding me of my sister, you’ve reminded me that at one point, we’d had a bond that was unshakable, with which we accomplished great things and helped many ponies."
Twilight sighed. “I guess. I don't know."
“My point, Twilight, is this; When things get too much for you, don’t retreat backwards in your own guilt. Don’t make that mistake as I did, because we all deserve happiness and nopony should have to intentionally withhold it from themselves. The ponies responsible for your brothers death will be brought to justice. And until that happens, and for as long as you need after, you have ponies who are here for you, and who care for you, no matter what.”
“Maybe.” Twilight shrugged, running a hoof across the snow. “I mean. I only have a hoof-full of friends.”
“And you trust them all with quite a lot, from what I gather. Friendship isn’t a numbers game, Twilight. There’s no ‘winning’ friendship, and certainly not something you’d hope to do so by amounting as many as possible. You’re loved, Twilight, and you’re not alone. And sometimes, remembering that is all you will need.”
“And other times?”
Celestia smiled wearily. “As I said. It comes and goes. Losing somepony is a long and winding journey. But, so long as you hold the love you felt for your brother close to you, and as long as you have fond memories of him in your heart, you will always find the path.”
“I’ll… I’ll try,” Twilight said, and as Celestia looked into her eyes, she knew that she meant it. “I’m sorry, Celestia.”
“Sorry? Whatever for?”
“For ditching you in New Canterlot. Supposed to be there for you. Supposed to be your second in command.”
Celestia laughed. “Don’t be silly, Twilight. I can handle a simple little return speech on my lonesome.”
“That’s obvious. I more meant for the emotional end of things.”
“Ah, yes. Well, your emotions matter to me as much as mine do to you. Join me when you feel ready to, and not a moment sooner.” Celestia outstretched a wing towards Twilight’s side--not to touch it, but merely to point it out. “How’s the barrel? Still hurting?”
Twilight shrugged. “A bit, yeah. Might get it looked at if it continues.”
“Yes, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant process for me, either.”
“W-what wasn’t?”
Celestia gave Twilight a coy look, folding her wings back against her side for emphasis. Twilight seemed to understand the gesture, and forced a nervous little chuckle herself.
“Okay then, Celestia.” Twilight swished her tail, rising to her hooves only to shake off the snow that had been gathering there, before sitting back down once again. "How did I do with the Sun?"
"Wonderfully, Twilight. I had meant to say; the sunset was particularly gorgeous on the flight in."
Twilight smiled. "Still a little bummed I can only lower it."
"Please, don't be so critical of yourself. You will build a connection with it in the months to follow. At the rate you are learning, I would not be surprised to see you raising it in a year's time, Sunstone or not."
Twilight looked away, a sheepish little blush on her face. “I guess we'll see."
Silence fell between them again. Somewhere in the cemetery, a pair of crows were bickering, and the wind blew softly through the wispy tree branches now naked of their leaves.
"How about you?" Twilight glanced over to Celestia. "How are you faring?”
Celestia waved a hoof. “I… think things are going okay.”
“You think?” Twilight rose an eyebrow. “But…?”
“I don’t know.” Celestia shrugged. “It’s a silly worry, and only an occasional one.”
“Trust me, I know how those feel.” Twilight smiled. “Go on, Celestia. I’m listening.”
“It just… feels like the world went… wrong, somewhere. Like we somehow got shunted off course, and no matter how much we try to correct our path, what’s done has already been done. Maybe we had time to change where we’re going, but part of me worries… part of me worries that it’s still too late, even with myself in power once again. I worry that no matter what, the happy ending I want is… is a dream of mine I’m telling myself is true to keep the pain of the end from stinging too much.”
Twilight bit her lip. “I know what you mean. Where do you... think that point was? Where we got off course?”
“I do not know for certain. I’ve had plenty of time to think of it, though, and in that time I’ve had a few theories. Tirek seems a turning point, certainly, but I think it all went wrong before. Before Nightmare Moon’s return, even.”
“Well. I can tell you where my life went wrong. The bloody entrance exam. Everything up to that point… my future was just so bright. And everything since… it’s like nothing has turned out the way I wanted it to. Everything keeps breaking apart, and I do my best to put it back together again, and everytime I do, I lose another piece. I’m terrified that one day, there’ll be nothing left to put back together anymore.”
Celestia gave a single nod. “Well. For what it’s worth, Twilight… I wouldn’t change a thing about you. Everything that makes you up, all these things you claim to be failures or cracks or imperfections… to me, they are each part of an ever-growing list of things that make you the most perfect mare I’ve known in all my days.”
Twilight glanced at Celestia with a doubtful look, though her skepticism slowly vanished as she met Celestia’s eyes. Celestia had been wary of so many things in her life, but there wasn’t a shadow of doubt or exaggeration in anything she could possibly say about Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight herself did not answer, and the two fell silent. Celestia hacked out a single cough which might as well have been a grenade going off beside them, for all the response it earned from Twilight.
A sideways look, as sadness and sympathy replaced her skepticism.
“I still want this to last, Celestia. This… this thing we have. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s more short-lived than it deserves to be.”
“It’s just a cough, Twilight. I’ll get better.”
Twilight looked away.
“Why is it so hard to believe you?” she whispered. "Why do I know that you're only telling me what I want to hear?”
“Perhaps it is because you are right, and I don’t want to admit it. But… perhaps it is simply because you still don’t believe that you deserve a happy ending.”
“As if you believe you deserve one?” Twilight managed a chuckle, but it was strained and sad instead of lively and breezy. “You hypocrite.”
“Yes, well. We’re both learning, aren’t we? We’re both helping each other.”
She received no response from Twilight. She continued staring straight ahead at her brother’s tombstone.
“Twilight,” Celestia said. “I promised you I wouldn’t give up. I promised you I would fight forever to stay a part of this world. Now, I’m not trying to be rude, but I see little else before you but a choice. You can trust me in that regard and do your best to help me achieve that goal, or you can continue assuming the worst will happen and letting it drag you down into yourself. But I meant what I promised you. I will fight forever.”
Twilight was silent again, for nearly a minute.
Finally, she spoke again, her voice a tiny little whisper.
“Okay.”
Twilight rested her head on Celestia, and Celestia in turn took Twilight beneath her wing. The cemetery was desolate, and sombre, and the night grew colder and darker by the moment, but Celestia would have been content if it was the last moment she was ever afforded.