My awesome day began with an awesome visit to the gym.
Spike said, "Shouldn't you start right when you wake up?"
"That is when I wake."
That's when I always wake up. I love the gym. I was sleeping on the stairs to the gym, waiting for it to open.
Pinkie came up from behind Rainbow Dash and lay a hoof on her. "Haha. That's funny. You're a funny, guy, Rainbow Dash. But that's not what happened. What really happened?"
"Why do I feel like you're always making a reference?" Rainbow said.
"I don't know. You're crazy."
"But that really is what happened." Rainbow bent down out of her reach and walked in front of everybody, taking the center stage to tell her story. "True enough, not all my days start with me sleeping outside the gym, but this day, I did. This day. What a strange day it was," she said. "Strange, strange, and stranger than strange."
Pinkie grimaced a little, moving her mouth back and forth, left to right, and back again. "All days are strange maybe, if you really think about it. I think we just haven't been paying attention so much."
"Okay, do you want me to tell my story, or just be confused?" Rainbow said, rolling her head and her eyes at Pinkie.
"Sorry," she said, sitting down on the floor. "You tell your story."
"You don't have to write all this down," Twilight said to Spike. "Just the story."
"Got it," he said.
I was outside the gym. I had fallen asleep there, but it wasn't on purpose. I was going to go home, and I trained too hard. I fall asleep really easily, you know. Anyway, I went inside. I thought that it was a great day to train, and I could eat later. I wouldn't have to eat for hours, I was pretty sure. And there she was, clear as day, Spitfire. I smiled at her and walked past her. She was looking sour, and glum, but that's Spitfire. Whatever. I walked inside. I was going to have the best workout ever. I was sure of it. There were wing-stretchers, leg-pullers, and all kinds of good workout equipment in there. There always was. I thought that I would begin by stretching my wings.
Spitfire walked past me as I was stretching. "And my lawyer will pulverize you, and that's just the truth of it." She was, how to say, matter-of-fact, kind of, but very angry at the same time. "I don't know who you think you are. Tell her. She will listen. Don't do anything stupid."
I wanted to laugh, but I didn't, because then, Spitfire would punish me for sure, and that wasn't good, so I just kept on stretching. Then I walked to the next machine. Life is soaring, is and was, for me, because of how awesome I am, as everyone knows. And then Soarin walked in, out of the blue. Can you believe it?
"You're working out at six in the morning?" I said, from the machine where I was stretching.
"You're working out at six in the morning?" he said, returning the question to me.
"Okay, I don't care." I kept stretching my wing out, pulling the little lever on the machine. I loved working out for sure. It's one of my favorite things to do. He walked past me into another machine. It was the leg-puller. I thought that he was crazy, being here so early. I mean, I was, but I was sleeping outside, so at least I had an explanation. He just waltzed right in and started training, just like that. I thought that he maybe shouldn't begin with the leg-workout without some kind of warmup, but whatever. Each one to his own, and stuff.
I was done. I saw that he was still working his legs, so I walked to the next machine. I thought that I wanted to use it too, but it is what it is, and whenever he's done, it will be my turn, so I worked my arms a little. You need strong powerful legs, as a flyer. Then I gazed. He was still using the leg-puller. I thought that was strange. No, he wasn't even using it. He was just sitting there, but if he wanted to do that, then I guessed he could. So I started working my wings. I strapped myself down into a machine that spun around when you flap your wings, and then, I flapped as hard as I could. I didn't get tired. I never get tired. I just kept on going for like six to seven minutes, tops. Then I jumped out.
"Good," I said, more to myself than anyone. I saw Soarin. Oh, really? I looked at him, and pointed, but no one else was there. "Still working, or hardly working?" I said, making sure that he heard the word hardly extra loud, because I was a little angry. "You're hardly working at all. You're just sitting there, Soarin buddy." I tskd. "Tsk, tsk, tsk. You're using the leg-machine as a resting chair? Call your granny, buddy."
He got a little prickly. "I'm using it. I'm doing intervals. Leave me alone."
"You can't do intervals," I said, calmly. "If you're not using it!" I yelled.
"Yeah, but I'm resting between each interval, stupid."
"You wanna fight, bro?" I said. "Just step out of the machine."
"No, I don't wanna fight, and I'm not your bro, and no, I won't step out of the machine. I'm not done using it, stupid."
I just walked away. "Stupid Soarin and his stupid-stupid, whatever. I don't even care." I turned around. "You can use that machine as a bed too while you're at it."
"Thanks, I will," he said, sarcastically. That only made me even more angry, but I thought that either I walked away now, or I pushed, and then I was gonna have to fight him, and then Spitfire would get mad at me, and you know the rest.
I had decided that I would take this up with her later, but now, it was time to do something else. I picked out a workout ball and rolled around on it, stretching. I thought that it would feel much better doing this if I had done my leg-workout before, but beggars can't be choosers. "Jerk," I said, and then I walked out the room. I guess we had always worked out at different times before this happened, and that's why it never came up. I was going to find Spitfire right now and tell her about it, lay out some ground rules. This was not okay. I was sure of it. It was seriously not okay. It was never okay. It was way un-okay. Un-awesome, if that's a word. I looked for her office. I knocked.
I knocked harder.
I kicked the door in. No one was there. "Okay," I said. "Now, I will have to call the janitor." I walked through the grey corridor a few doors down, and knocked.
"Come in," a voice said. There was Spitfire with the janitor, whiskered guy. "Okay, so I wanted to tell you that Soarin is using the leg-machine, the big one, as a resting chair. How about that, huh? Isn't that crazy? Tell him he's wrong."
"Can't you just wait until he's done?" Spitfire said.
"Also, I accidentally destroyed your door. I kicked it off its hinges. Sorry," I said, still feeling angry.
Spitfire spoke to the janitor. "You deal with this." She was also angry. She had an angry personality.
I walked inside. "I just think it's ridiculous. I mean, maybe he can sit in it and rest a little bit, but there has to be a limit. What else am I going to do if I have nothing else to do, and I have a deadline to meet? I have to be somewhere else, and then, he goes and takes up the machine all to himself. It's unfair, and it's wrong." I put my hoof down, signaling my disapproval of the situation. I didn't like it, not at all, and I wasn't going to stand for it.
"Rainbow." She smiled at me and embraced me. "I'm sure that whatever problems you have with Soarin, you can deal with it. Now, of all the days you could've made a big fuss about nothing, you chose a really bad one. Have at it, hoss. If you want to fight him, then be my guest. Just don't hurt each other. We have a show in two days. Please." She marched out the door and into the corridor.
I stretched a little. "Okay, if I have to throw down, then I guess I have no choice. Soarin doesn't get it." I walked in the same direction as Spitfire, toward the gym. "What were happening there? Who were you talking to?"
"Just some moron," she said. "Life's full of them."
"Yeah, I know what you mean." I shook my head with a grimace. "I sure do know what you mean."
"Don't do anything stupid," she said. She walked in through another door, disappearing, and I was left alone.
I yelled after her. "I wasn't planning to."
No response then came. The door had already shut behind her. "Okay," I said to myself. I barged, flying into the gym, I did, but when I did, where was Soarin? Gone.
"Oh, he did a half-hour workout. One of those!" I clapped, applauding him. He came up from behind me.
"I was just going to the bathroom. Why do you have to be so mean?" he said, looking tired.
I walked to the leg-machine, doing my pushes, not saying anything. He wasn't using it anymore now, I thought, so what's the point? He didn't say anything. He just walked to the wing-resistor, the machine I had used before, and started flying in it. I didn't really care. I thought he had been acting stupid. Suits him well if he should feel a little bad about what's happening, even if he blames me for it. He can blame me for anything he wants. I don't even care.
I finished my pushes and jumped out the machine. Somehow, what had taken him twenty minutes or whatever had only taken me two. He was out of shape, clearly. Stupid, I thought. I walked to another machine and kept going. Spitfire rushed through the gym and out the door of the building. There were several doors, but one of them was through the gym, if you want to get out of the Wonderbolts Training Facility.
I followed her with my eyes. "What is she doing?" I said. Soarin didn't respond. "Oh, right. You're still pissed at me. Sorry." I kept working in the machine, and then I jumped out, running through the door. "Spitfire, I want to know what's going in."
"We're suing the other gym."
"Okay." I looked at her, and she looked angry. "Why?"
"It serves them right," she said. "They stole our concept."
"Hm, if they did steal our concept," I said, "then I guess I can understand it."
"You don't," she said, walking away. I went back in the gym. Soarin was still in the wing-resistor. I kept doing what I was doing. After an hour or so of going through different machines and doing my normal routine, the normal stuff, I thought that I should go for a fly. For sure, that was a good idea to do, just to feel if I had burned my body enough, or if I still needed to work out some part, so that I was tired in my whole body when the day was done. It's what us pro-athletes do.
I flew up in the air and did a few circles. I wasn't really punch-drunk tired, or whatever, but it was close enough, I think. Now, since Spitfire was busy, and she sure wouldn't be yelling any orders at me about whatever until she came back, I figured that I should go to the market and buy some eggs. It turns out that Pinkie was there too. Just as I landed on the ground, she crashed into me.
"I have to make sure my eggs are safe!" Pinkie said. I thought this was the strangest thing in the world, but with Pinkie, you have to expect anything. Expect the unexpected. "My egg." She hugged a single egg. "No." She looked like she was about to cry. I saw something in her mane. She said, "I'm not feeling very good. I think I need a break from work."
"Wow," Spike said. "You remember exactly what she said."
"Well, she did just tell her part of the story," Rainbow said. "And I will never forget this moment because it was so, well, weird."
"The search for eggs goes on," Pinkie said, from the crowd, as she was sitting a bit away from Rainbow, as she was telling the story.
"Are you all following this?" Rainbow said. "My day continues."
"Your eggs?" I said, just confused. "You have eggs?"
Pinkie wobbled a little, I think, and then she stood up. Seriously, she looked like she had been hit by a truck, of some kind. She was out of it. "I'm sorry. I didn't know it was you." That's what she said.
I seriously tried not laughing, but then I couldn't hold it anymore. "Maybe you do need a break. Ponies don't lay eggs, Pinkie." And then, as she said, "As far as I know," I said out of the corner of my mouth, because you can never be sure, you know. Pinkie remembered every word. I thought that, hey, maybe there's a pony out there that does lay eggs.
She, Pinkie, said, "No. No more egg troubles. I just wanted to buy some eggs. That's all."
I laughed, Pinkie.
"Maybe you should stick to the story," Twilight said.
This is happening in the map-room now.
"I am." Pinkie giggled. "Pinkie."
Twilight reached out a hoof in protest. "You're playing to the crowd."
"Eggs!" Pinkie said, laughing.
"C'mon, Twi. Don't be a buzzkill," Rainbow said, shaking her head. "My story deserves some laughs."
"Maybe we should focus." Twilight leaned behind Spike to look what he had written.
Rainbow broke out a gigantic grin. "You sure you're the real Twilight? The real Twilight would laugh at my jokes."
"Okay, you tell your story however you want." Twilight leaned back against the map table and sat down on it.
"Oh, I get it. I just thought, I don't know. That was funny. But I'll walk you back and buy some eggs for you."
Pinkie was being crazy. She said, "This chaotic egg-life is getting on my nervous." You know how she is when she thinks about something too much. Crazy.
"Are you feeling well?" I said to her.
She said that she was stressed and that she doesn't feel well at all, which I can understand. I felt something against my hoof, a vibration, or was it, a crawling?
I was going to buy eggs anyway, so I offered to come with her and buy eggs for her too. She was probably going to use it for some pie. I just wanted to mix them and eat them. It's good nutrition, it goes fast, and it doesn't take too long, so you can get back to training. That's for sure. And then, we ran into some other guy.
He looked like he hadn't taken a bath in some time. He smelled funny, and that's coming from me, but this guy, he had flies flying around him. I saw at least one, and when you smell so bad that there are flies around you, that's no good. For sure, it's not. Anyway, I told him to go away.
The guy wouldn't leave, and then I dragged Pinkie away, because she was stuck in egg-land. She was mumbling about eggs. I knew at this moment that something was wrong with her, but what? I couldn't put my hoof on it, and then, I saw it.
"Call it my Rainbow-sense," I said, "but I know for sure that something's bothering you."
Pinkie said something about eggs, and then, I grabbed her mane, and I saw that she had bugs crawling in it. It wasn't obvious to the naked eye, but when you walked closer, you could see it. Those were definitely too big to be lice. They were spiders, of Captain Spider's crew.
"We'll get to that later," Twilight said.
Rainbow Dash flew up in the air. "You know what, Twilight? I think you just need a warm bath, to cool off all that sass you got."
Twilight turned away, and looked down to Spike's book. She was taking the situation a bit more seriously than Rainbow Dash, by all accounts.
Rainbow continued with her epic story of awesomeness.
The story of Captain Spider is like the most epic adventure ever, but we'll get to that later, I, Rainbow Dash, say. Now, back to the story.
"You have spiders in your hair," I said to her, as we were talking.
She was like, whaaat? And I was like, whaaat? And then, she just ran away. And the poor guy didn't get his autograph. Anyway, I'm sure he's not important. I wanted to buy some eggs, with or without Pinkie. I hoped that now, instead of being crazy, she was focusing on her spider problem like a grown-up pony. I saw the egg-stand at a distance and went to buy some eggs.
"Hello, egg-guy," I said. I had caught Pinkie-itis, a very infectious disease where, if you're around Pinkie long enough, you start talking like her. But the guy was nice.
"How many?" he said.
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, I don't know. Twenty."
"That's a lot of eggs."
"I'm willing to pay for it," I said, jostling for some bits. "Here you go." I put them on the stand. "I think that's enough, isn't it? Let me just count."
"No, it's enough," he said.
"It's not too many?"
"No, twenty bits is enough."
I cocked my head a little bit, you know, back and forth. "Did eggs- were they always this expensive?"
"It's supply and demand, my friend," he said, smiling.
"Okay, then I will pay up or shut up," I said, a little frustrated, I guess, but I wanted those eggs, and it's not a big deal. I'm rich, after all. I'm a Wonderbolt.
I got the eggs and then I flew off. I flew home to eat them. I didn't even want to look at Soarin anymore. I was a little angry at him still. I put the eggs in my blender and drank them. "Mmm." Then I swallowed some egg-shells. "Good eggs. Good eggs. Now, I need to- I don't even know what I need to do." I mumbled a little to myself. "Maybe I find Pinkie, and see what's up with her. Um, no, I think I'll just work out some more. Working out is awesome, and I'm awesome, so they go together."
Out the window I flew, in search of adventure. I saw Fleetfoot outside the Wonderbolts Training Academy, which is far from where I live, but I flew there fast. "Hello," I said. "How are things holding up?"
She looked at me and then looked down. "I don't know what's gotten into Spitfire," she said. "She's going crazy."
"Good old Spitfire," I said, landing. "Always going crazy." Someone tapped on my shoulder. "You know," I said to Fleetfoot. "You really should warn me about these things." I turned around, and Spitfire was there. "Rainbow Crash, reporting for duty," I said, holding up my hoof. She grabbed it and lowered it, just looking at me. "Can I- can I go now?" I said, backing up the stairs, and into the gym, really just wanting to get away from her.
"Noo!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. I ran back down.
"Okay, what can I do for you, mam?"
She put her hoof under my chin, getting very physical with me, but there was no way in Tartarus that I was going to push back. She's the scariest person I know, even scarier than some of the villains we have met.
She said, "You can start by helping me to get this lawsuit through."
I smiled. "What do you need?"
"I need your help," she said, "with an important thing. I'll show you. Follow me inside." She walked into the building, and I of course followed her. She's my coach, so I will always do just as she says. You'll only understand if you're also pro-flyer.
I followed her through the gym and into the corridor, and into her office. She sat down in her chair, pushing her hooves together. I sat down in the chair opposite her, feeling a little uneasy, a little nervous. Everything wasn't going well for me today, but I guess it's just one of those days. I was more frustrated than normal, and everything seemed to be going slow, everything, and I had been having less fun than normal, but again, that happens. I'm not complaining or anything, but you wanted me to tell my story, so there you go.
"Rainbow," she said, biting her lip. "Do you know what's happened? Do you know what's going on?"
I laughed. "Explain. Don't hide the lead, coach."
"Yes," she said. She picked up a paper. "Look." I looked at it. I saw it. "Do you know what this is?"
"It looks like a bill."
"It is not a bill," she said, furious. "It is the one and only other thing that is anything like what I'm doing. This is a pamphlet for the Stellar Build, um, placcce," she said, drawing out her c-sounds. She sounded almost like a snake, and she felt like a snake, but that's Spitfire to you.
"That doesn't look like a pamphlet at all," I said.
"It's new," she said. "And now, they have the gall to call themselves an elite flyer's training facility. What?"
"I heard an expression once," I said, preparing for her wrath. "It's called, one rising tide raises all boats. It's something like that. I think I believe in that."
"Still," she said, "it's not true. They're not. They're just calling themselves that to steal off our name value."
"Ah, you're thinking of the Wonderbolts-brand. What a businessman you are, businessmare maybe?"
"I want them gone," she said. "Finished. Kaput. You will make that happen."
"Why me?"
"Why not?" she said. "You have to convince them that it's a bad idea to open their stupid gym that will ruin the Wonderbolt's brand for generations, generations to come!" She nodded. "Generations, Rainbow. Generations."
"I'm not sure what it is that concerns you exactly," I said, thinking that maybe she was drunk. Most of all, I felt like I didn't want to be there, but I was. "What do you want me to do?"
"Go to their gym," she said. "Convince them to close it down, or tell them that I will sue them. You do know that I have the power."
"I guess, because you said you have the rights to the name, right?"
"That's right. Now go." I went.
This was ridiculous. This was silly. It was hilarious. I found it funny. Well, I did, anyway. I walked down the cloudy path of Cloudsdale that is some ways away from the Wonderbolts academy, and yet, I assume, that it still counted as being in the same town, since it wasn't that far away. I flew up in the air, and come to think of it, Spitfire hadn't actually told me how to find the gym.
Still, I would find it. I landed on the ground. "Do you know there's a new gym in town?" I said. The guy shrugged and kept walking. "I like it better in Ponyville," I said, loudly, so that he would hear it. He just kept walking. Okay, he wasn't helpful, but I was still going to find it. I walked into a shop, with tiny trinkets. It's a tourist shop, and I just wanted a map. That's all I wanted.
"Hello," I said, smiling.
He put a paper in front of me, looking like he wasn't really concentrating. "Can you sign here?" he said.
"Whatever. I just want a map."
"Okay." He put a map in front of me. I paid him, and then I walked out. I looked at the map, and you won't believe this. The map, which was colorful, and you could see the weather factory and all important places on it, it pointed right back to where I had been. I ran back inside, confused. "This is the new gym?" I said.
"Sure," he said. "Do you want to be a member?" I laughed.
"I'm a Wonderbolt," I said.
He leaned down in the other direction, picking something up. "So?"
I laughed even louder. "You're funny, guy, but actually, I was sent here to, um." I remembered, then, Spitfire's strange request, and I didn't actually know how to say this. I thought that she had probably sent me off because she was angry at me, because of my comment, and her door, and that I was kind of maybe going to pick a fight with Soarin, but maybe not.
"Okay." I took a deep breath, readying myself for how he was going to react, and say. "This is going to sound, kind of, crazy?"
"Oh. Oh," the guy said, pointing at me, looking the other direction, and then, he pointed at me again. "I know. You were sent by that other gym. Yeah, that must be annoying for you. Is the place as good as I heard?"
"It's better!" I said. "And I've come to tell you that, um, you will get, sued? Yes, you will get sued if you don't- I'm sorry. I can't do this. This is ridiculous, even for me."
"No, I get it," he said. "I'm sorry. I guess stuff like this happens sometimes."
"Yeah," I said. "But now that you mention it, this place doesn't look so bad." I saw what happened in the background. A few ponies were there, but not many. Many ponies, some fat, and some thin, were training. Not all were hyper-athletes like I was used to seeing. I liked the energy of the room, and then I saw, get this, a leg-bender like the one in my own gym, except, there were many of them, like five. This was great. I was never again going to have to argue with Soarin about this stuff. Then again, maybe I could talk it out with him. We could sort it out. I don't want to be a drama queen, but I thought that this place looked good, and then, and then, I remembered why I had been sent there, and my mojo completely disappeared.
"Spitfire is probably not going to let me be a Wonderbolt any more if I work out at this place. This stinks." I kicked the counter.
"I get it," he said. "She wanted you to do this, and you can't betray her. She's your boss, right?"
"Yup," I said. "But how are we going to do this then? We can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either you shut this place down, or, um, I tell Spitfire, I guess."
"Yes," he said. "I understand that, but what am I going to do? Building this place, and getting all this equipment here took a lot of time and a lot of hard work. We can't just abandon it, just like that. There's got to be another way. Can you tell her that?"
"I'm not sure she would listen. She's being crazy today, for some reason, but I will go talk to her."
"Okay, thank you," he said. I went out the front-door and flew off.
"Okaaay," I said to Spitfire. "I'm sorry. I really don't want to bother you. I don't know what to say really. How did you think he was going to react?"
"Okay," she said, picking up a paper. "I'm going to sue them." She wrote something on the paper. "You bring it to the gym, and also, don't be late back. I want something else from you." I was her errand-mare, but that's all right. I could deal with it. I've always been able to deal with it, and I really like and respect her, even though everything I have said. I mean, it's all just playful. They call me Rainbow Crash, so don't get the wrong idea. Most of the things I would say to her face that I've said about her to you.
I flew back to the other gym.
"I don't want to weird you out," I said. "But here you go." I gave the paper to the guy. He swiftly grabbed it.
"Oh, I see," he said. "That's too bad. You think we can win the lawsuit?"
I thought the whole situation was so ridiculous that I just laughed out loud. "I don't know. What are you asking me for? I don't know anything. I'm just running errands. I think this whole thing is pretty weird, if you ask me."
"I've also had a weird day," he said. "Something is off about today, but I'm not sure what it is." He shook his head, and sighed. "Oh, anyway, thank you. I know it's not your fault, and I also know that you have to stand up for your gym." He reached over the desk and patted me.
"Yeah, okay," I said.
I flew back to Spitfire.
"A job well-done deserves a reward maybe?" I said, hoping to get one. "This is crazy," I said, smiling at her. "Why are you even doing this? The more I think about it, the more something seems off."
"I ordered another leg-machine," she said. "Now, go away please. I'm busy." I just walked out of the office. I couldn't believe what was happening, but whatever. That's Spitfire for you, I guess. I think it was just one of those days.
Twilight interrupted the story, and closed her eyes. "Maybe it's not a coincidence," she said. "The spiders, and now this?"
"Coincidence?" Rainbow had been flying around, gesticulating, as she was telling the story, and now, she landed on the ground. "Explain, Twi. You're making zero sense, and I want to know what the heck you're thinking."
Twilight groaned. "Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I." She paused for a moment. "Do you think it can be possible that Spitfire was a changeling?"
"Is everyone a changeling now?" Rainbow said.
"Think about it. She was acting strange all day, and another thing I noticed was interesting."
Rainbow dismissed Twilight, turning her nose away. "Puh-lease. Just let me tell my story. We can get to that later."
"But I'm afraid that later might be too late."
"What could happen?" Rainbow said. "You're just being crazy."
"Yeah, okay." Twilight turned her head away. The story continued, as it had been, growing more and more awesome by the moment, at least if Rainbow Dash is to be believed.
"Wait. She said, but she probably meant the machine, then, when she said that she has something else for me. That's nice of her." After I said that, I walked on through the corridor, whistling.
Twilight stopped Rainbow's storytelling again, much to her chagrin. "Wait. Wait. Let me get this straight. You don't think there's anything suspicious about this, like at all?"
"No," Rainbow said.
As I was walking through the hallway, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. It was Soarin, and he was working his legs. I was about to go in, but then I hesitated. I thought, nah. He just looked at me, like he was a little sad. Now, I felt bad all a sudden. Maybe I should apologize to him, I thought. Maybe I should, or no, screw him. He had been acting stupid. I figured maybe walking out of the gym. I wasn't even sure what I wanted to do.
"Still," Twilight said.
"Will you just let me finish my story? You- you hag!" Rainbow Dash screamed as loud as her lungs could muster.
Twilight drew her hoof across her mouth, to show that she was closing a zipper, and shut up.
"Okay," Rainbow said.
I decided I didn't want to be in the gym, or the club-building anymore, so I walked out. I didn't know what I was going to do, but I thought for sure that there was something to pass the time out in Ponyville. When I got there, who should I meet but Rarity, who is the fairest of them all and way nicer than, you, Twilight!
Fluttershy flew up to Rainbow. "I think we can make this work, Rainbow," she said. "You can tell your story, and if we just wait until you're done, then we won't have any more problems." She was hesitant.
"Twilight is a sassy hag," Rainbow said. "I can't do my epic storytelling in this kind of environment."
"She's a hag? You don't mean that, do you?"
"Oh, sure she is," Rainbow said, flying to the side so Twilight got in view of her. "And you know what else? Twilight is probably the changeling. He's probably hiding in here, waiting for the perfect moment to pounce. Yeah, who knows? Maybe she is."
Applejack piped up. "Okay, calm your apples. This isn't what we were s'posed to do, anyway."
"Then what were we supposed to do, Applejack, please. Tell me. Illuminate my mind with your illuminate-y thoughts. You rat."
"Jeez," Applejack said. "What's gotten into you?"
"I'm just angry. I think you could all be changelings."
"Maybe you're the changeling," Applejack said, "the way you're acting."
"Please," Twilight said. "This is going too far. I'm sorry, Rainbow Dash, for interrupting your story. This thing can go to your head. I know. I understand that, because it has gone to my head! I have thoughts like this all the time, but we need to understand that, well, first of all, there's only one changeling that's the real problem. The other one was only a decoy. And secondly, we don't know who is the changeling. Okay, you're with me? That also means, I think, that we can't know who isn't either, so we don't know anything, and we need to think and not panic!" Twilight had smoke coming out of her ears, and her face got red like the reddest apple. This couldn't be good, any of the others thought, and so, they sat down, and got quiet.
"I'm sorry," Twilight said. "You all probably think that I'm the changeling."
"Twilight," Applejack said. "How 'bout this? What if none of us is the changeling? What do we know? Isn't that possible?"
"It is," Twilight said. "This guy, he's gotten inside my head. I can't believe I'm questioning my own friends."
"Sometimes you must," Applejack said. "Now, I think it's fair to say that we have squashed this. Can you please return to your story, Rainbow Dash?"
"Yes," she said.
I think everyone will understand when I say that this had been a weird day. This is the word of the evening, my friends. Weeeird. I kind of wanted to go back to bed, but I was also curious what else could happen. And I thought, hey, why not go to Ponyville and see what everyone else is doing, but then I remembered the thing with the gym and the machines, and also, I wanted to know what would happen with the place, so even though I wasn't really being my own awesome self, I decided to take some, I guess, what is it they say? Responsibility. That's right. I was going to take responsibility, and the first thing, I thought, was to see why Spitfire had been acting so strangely. I had to talk to her again, so I could understand what in the world, oh my gosh, and what the heck, and you know, was, was, going on. It was crazy. I went back to the facility, and then, I walked to her office. I knocked. I got no response. The janitor had been really quick to fix the door.
"It's good that we have a janitor," I said to myself. I sometimes talk to myself. Pinkie do too, from her story. I tried opening the door. It was unlocked, and there was no one in there. I thought that she should for sure be in her own office, either that or working out like the rest of us, but I didn't see the trace of her. So I walked out and I went back out into the little corridor. Where can she be, I thought. I really had no idea. Then, I was met with Thunderlane.
"Hello there," I said, just walking past him.
"Hey, can I have a second?"
"You can have more than one second," I said, turning around. "What do you want, m'dude?"
"Soarin has been acting really weird. I think he's upset with you."
"Ouh," I said. "Um, ugh, okay. Do you want me to tell you? Well, I guess I can. It won't hurt you. He was jogging the leg-exercise machine, the big one, and then I guess, I don't know, I might've sort of threatened to beat him up if he kept using it without, you know, actually using it. He was just sitting there, and I got a little annoyed."
Thunderlane looked thunder-struck. "You were gonna beat him up, inside the gym?" He frowned. "That's crazy-talk."
"Oh, but nothing came of it," I said, "so I don't know what he's crying over."
"I know it isn't really my place."
I knew where he was headed with this. "You think I should apologize?" I could do that. Then again, nah. It's not really my fault if Soarin is making a big deal out of nothing. This kind of thing has happened many times at our gym, for many reasons, and it always got resolved. No one had to die, but you need to defend your principles, and not be weak, especially in front of Soarin, stupid Soarin. I didn't care. I don't care. I didn't care. I was walking out the gym, but then I saw him. He was looking, sad. Oh my gosh, I thought. What's gotten into me? I've turned into a vampire.
Back in the map room, Rainbow Dash was looking at Twilight, intently.
Twilight just said, "Pfft."
"Anyway."
I thought, well, okay. Soarin is pretty cool I guess. I guess I have to say I'm sorry, so I walked in the room.
"Ugh!"
He looked at me.
"Sorry for saying that I wanted to fight you, but I'm not sorry for the other part, or, okay. Maybe some of the jokes were a little too far, but still, I stand by what I said about, um." This was turning into a terrible apology. I started over. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. I'm really, really, extremely sorry because I don't want you to feel sad, and I care about you." I reached out my hoof to shake his. "Bro," I said. "Just kidding."
He shook it. "Oh my gosh. Maybe I'm just not feeling good," I said, turning around. "Maybe I need some more eggs, but then I will have to find them somewhere. I need some food. I feel- I don't know. Whatever. I'm sorry," I said, turning around again. "This has been stupid. I'm sorry."
"Thank you," he said, smiling at me.
I hugged him, and kissed him on the forehead, and then, I flew out the door. Okay, then it was time to get out somewhere, maybe into town. I wasn't staying here. That's for sure. I couldn't find Spitfire, and all the problems had been dealt with, I think, at least in theory.
I flew out, and then, I got it into my mind that I should visit the other gym again to see how that guy was doing, so I did.
"Hello there," I said. "How it be? How are we, doin', my friend? My dude?" I was trying to act cool, just being chill.
He said, "It's not going great. I'm not sure what to do now. I feel like I could lose everything, at any moment. That's a bad feeling. I'm desperate. I'm sad."
"Wow, that's heavy, but I hope you'll be fine at least. To be honest with you, I can't really believe any of this. It feels like there's something I don't understand."
"Okay," he said.
"How are you feeling?"
"Like I said, it isn't good. I'm unsure what to do. I don't know what I can do, really. Seriously, do you know?"
Then I got upset. "You know what? You're right. This whole thing is ridiculous, and you know what else? I'll become a member of your gym, just to show solidarity. How about that?"
He just brought up a paper. "I don't think it'll make any difference," he said. "But thank you for the kind words, anyway. Maybe I'll be fine."
"No," I said. "Spitfire is acting crazy. I'm not with her, at least not in this. No, if she will make me not a Wonderbolt because of this, then it's her problem, not mine. I'm standing by you, guy."
"Thank you," he said.
"This pen isn't working," I said.
"That's too bad." He bent down beneath his desk. "You know, to be honest, I don't really know where the pens are, but that's okay. I'll make you an honorary member, if that's okay with you."
"Sure," I said, smiling.
"Good luck, and have a great day," he said, turning away, walking into the back, behind the counter, where I couldn't really see where he was going, or what he was doing, really.
I flew out.
Now, above all else, I felt like I wanted to talk to Spitfire and settle this thing once and for all, because it was really, truly ridiculous. I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't believe it. Why do this? This guy was just an innocent gym owner. I assumed he was. Who had he hurt? What had he done? An elite flyer's training facility? As if that's a name we're only allowed to use. I barged into the academy, but then, she was gone, and I couldn't find her.
I stuck my head into the gym. "Hey, Fleetfoot. Do you have any idea, like any idea, where Spitfire could be?"
"No."
"Okay, buddy."
I thought this was all really silly, and then, something else happened. I met Twilight, in Cloudsdale of all places. I was flying down there, looking for Spitfire, and then I saw her. This was a surprise, and I came down to talk to her.
"Hello."
"Have you seen anything suspicious?" she said. I thought that I had seen many suspicious things during the day, and I wasn't sure what exactly she meant even, but I asked her.
"Can you be more direct in your question? Like, specific how?"
Twilight brought out a picture. "I don't suppose you've seen this person."
Really, it was a wanted-poster, like the kind you see in the old west. The old west of Equestria! It was of a changeling, but it was not something you would expect seeing. It was a black changeling. "But I thought that since Thorax, all the changelings." I stopped, not knowing what to say.
"There is one," Twilight said. "His name is–" Twilight stumbled. I noticed her horn had been glowing, to keep herself on the clouds, and then, she simply fell through.
"Nooo," I said, flying after her. I caught her in the last moment before she hit the ground, and died.
"Okay," Twilight said.
Rainbow was bewildered. "Okay, but it was- it was close." She shook her head, flying around. "C'mon, Twilight. Let me tell the story. C'mon. It's great. We're having a great time."
"We might miss something if you don't tell it like it happened."
"Okay, okay, sourpuss. I caught you when you were like halfway down. And then."
"Let's not bury the lead," Twilight said.
"Okay, right. No, it was Esceforn," Rainbow said. "I feel sorry for him, having that name"
"It's changeling naming customs." Twilight leaned forward, off the map-table. "It's normal."
"Yeah, but Esceforn just sounds like a made-up word."
"All words are made-up."
"Don't be a smart aleck, Twi."
"I'm not."
"I will finish the story, or I will die trying."
I landed on the ground. "Twi. Nooo." I saw that a small arrow of some kind was stuck in her head.
"It was a dart."
"Do you want an arrow instead? Shut up."
I saw that a big arrow, like the size of my arm, was stuck in her head. I tried talking to her, but she wouldn't respond. I tried to breathe into her mouth and push her chest down, because that's what they had taught me at the academy if something like this happened, but it didn't work. Nothing worked. Then, I heard her breathing.
"Twi," I said, hugging her. "You are the best friend in the world, and you certainly wouldn't interrupt me or not laugh at my jokes when I tell this story later."
"Oh, Rainbow. You are the fastest pony ever. I think you're strong, and you're way smarter than me. I'm stupid."
That's what she said, and then, she was out of it. I couldn't talk to her. I couldn't contact her. Nothing. I picked her up, lifting her, and flew her to Ponyville, which isn't far from Cloudsdale, thinking that I wanted to get her help of some kind.
"Hello, Rainbow Dash," Pinkie said. Now, this is the part that Pinkie didn't include, but I think she remembers that it happened. Maybe it, no, it couldn't have happened after she went back to work, because at that point, Twilight had already woken up, but whatever. Nothing happened. I just said hello to her and kept flying. It was right at the edge of Ponyville, on the other side of Sweet Apple Acres, so if you go out of the farm, and cross straight through Ponyville, that's where I met her. I don't know how else to explain it, but there she was.
"Wait, is that Twilight?" she said.
"Yes," I yelled, getting angry at her. "Of course it it. I need to help her." I kept flying, and then, I reached the hospital, but she woke up.
"Unngh," she said.
"Twilight, are you all right?"
"What happened?" she said, looking tired, and out of it.
"I don't know. You got hit by a tiny arrow."
"The darts," she said, sitting up. "I need to help Applejack."
"Then what were you doing in Cloudsdale?"
"There's no time to explain. You need to help me, Rainbow." I followed with her, and she flew to the farm.
When we were there, I was attacked. I guess that's what you can call it. I was trapped inside some kind of net. Okay, I'm telling this the wrong way. I flew past a tree, and then, a net came out of nowhere and caught me, and then, I was just hanging from the tree.
"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight said. Another arrow hit her, and she got knocked out.
"Twilight."
This day had gone from normal, to kind of what, to being crazy all of a sudden. That went fast. I tried to get out of the net, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I must've been in that net for like thirty minutes. I felt helpless, and like someone was taking advantage of me, on a psychological level. Then, the net came down, and I was free. It was Rarity.
"What are you doing?" she said.
"Thank you for saving me. You could've come sooner, darling," I said, nicking her chest.
She gasped. "I'd never."
"Whatever. C'mon," I said. "We need to help Twilight."
"Why? The last time I met her, she was fine."
"Be that as it may, dear, we still have to help her." I looked around on the ground. "Where is she exactly?"
"I'm sorry," Rarity said, with all the sass in the world. "Did you hit your head?"
I laughed. "No, my head is fine. But Twilight got hit by an arrow, and now I don't know where she is."
"She's with Applejack, inside the barn," Rarity said. "She's safe."
"Yeah, but she was with me when I- why would she just run away from me, without trying to help me, when I was stuck in this net?"
"I'm sure there's a good explanation for everything," she said.
"Nah," I said. "Not for that one. I need to find her and sort this out with her, and quick. She showed me a picture of a changeling. That means maybe the one you met could've been fooling you. You never know."
"Oh, well, I seriously doubt that," she said.
"Why?"
"Because I know Twilight," Rarity said. "Don't you? You would know if it wasn't the real Twilight?"
I stuck out my tongue at her. "Maybe I wasn't paying full attention, you sog."
"What's a sog?"
"You're a soggy pony. Now get out of my way." I pushed her. I wasn't really paying attention to my own words. I just wanted to stop talking to her. It was only a gentle push, to make her move out of the way, so don't get any ideas, but she got offended anyway. I wasn't even really paying attention.
"Why, you!" she said. Her horn lit up.
"Oh, no. Calm down, Rarity. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." She hit me with a beam, but nothing happened. "Did you just try to kill me?" I said, sweating and looking around, searching for help.
"No, it's the spell Twilight taught me. It's to see if you're a changeling. If you are, then you will turn into a changeling, and show your true form."
"I'm not a changeling, you stupid mare." I flew off, tired of all that, and toward the barn, wanting an explanation from Twilight, or maybe, if that didn't work out, to catch a changeling, just if, and only if, that changeling was pretending to be Twilight, but then, where was the real Twilight? And all of this was really worrying me.
But when I reached the barn, it was empty. Then I searched Applejack's farm. It was empty. Then I returned the the apple field. It was empty. I sat down against a tree, feeling bitter and angry because of what had happened. This never happens, I thought. Why is everything so stupid? Something fell down and landed on me. It was Apple Bloom.
"Put me back," she said. "Put me back. I wanna go back up, please."
"What for?" I said. "Why?"
"I'm hiding," she said, "from everyone. Everyone has been acting weird around me all day long."
"No, they have? I've felt the same way," I said. "Maybe there's something going on. Something bad is happening in this place."
"Something bad?"
"Hidden away. Maybe. I don't know. We need to fix this though, and you can't keep hiding up there."
"No. I mean, yes I can. Sure I can. You gonna stop me?"
"Yes," I said. "Let's go back to your home. There's no one there. It's safe. This day has been, I dunno how to describe it." We went back and into Applejack's house.
"I'll just go to bed," she said. "I feel better there."
"Okay, suit yourself, but don't do anything stupid. I'll stay around and keep- keep guard? No, I'll show you that it's safe by just staying here, and I'll be around, so don't worry." I walked down the stairs. The next thing I remember is waking up, and Twilight was there, and others.
I stood up, wiping myself off. This arrow didn't hurt me at all. I felt fine, but Twilight won't when I'm done with her. I asked her then what I will ask her now. And that is, why? Why did you do it?
"Can I defend myself?" Twilight said. "Do you want to continue with your story?"
Rainbow Dash landed on the map table. "No, please. Explain, now. I'm all ears."
"I didn't leave you. I was never even with you."
"How is that even possible?" Rainbow said, sitting down next to Twilight. "Explain. You hit yourself with the arrow?"
"Dart."
"And then, you fell to your death, expecting me to save you, just so you could trick me that you were Twilight, when you were in fact just a changeling? That is kind of, I don't know, impossible to believe."
"I don't know what happened," Twilight said. "I just know it wasn't me."
"That is impossible to believe. I saw you."
"Please believe me," Twilight said.
"No, there's something fishy going on here, and I'm going to figure out what it is sooner, not later."
Twilight looked at Rainbow. "I was- I don't know." They both realized the same thing in that moment. Rainbow Dash continued telling her story.
Anyway, I was asking Twilight why she just left me there, and she gave the same explanation that you just heard. Okay, I thought. That's stupid.
"I want you to take some responsibility," I said.
"But I'm telling you. It really wasn't me."
"I'm just happy you're safe," Rarity said, smiling down at me, really, down, from up there. Where was she? She was standing on top of the barn? I was outside? What? I had no idea what had happened, but anyway. They found me there, and that's the end of that story.
"I want to know what happened at the gym," Spike said.
"That comes later," Rainbow said. "I've told half of what happened that day, all the way up to the poison-dart, I mean arrow. Now, it's someone else's turn because honestly, Twilight, I don't feel so good. I don't think I want to continue this thing any more."
"Would it help you if I said I'm sorry?" Twilight said.
Rainbow Dash shook her head. "No, not really. I want you to admit what you did, or at least give an explanation."
"Maybe there wasn't poison in the dart, and the falling down was all a trick just to make you believe that I was unconscious," Twilight said.
"Okay, there's that. And you stood on the cloud with your horn glowing," Rainbow said. "But you still, or whoever did it, still put his or her life in danger by doing that. That deserves some kind of explanation. Who would be willing to do such a thing?"
"You didn't hear what happened?" Rainbow looked at Twilight. It wasn't she who said it.
Applejack stood in the corner of the room, spinning her hat around on her hoof. "Now, I will tell you the story of the craziest person you have ever met, and that will explain what Twilight can't explain."
"I've heard the story," Rainbow said, landing with a thud in front of Applejack.
"No," she said. "You haven't heard all of it."
"Before we continue," Twilight said, "can we go get the mail? I'm expecting something."
Twilight left the room, not really listening to any responses. "Well, okay. What do we do now?" Rainbow said.
"We calm our apples."
"Okay," Rainbow said, chuckling a little at that. "Apples."
"Yeah, apples."
Twilight came back. "Guess who I found?" The pony known as Derpy flew in the room alongside Twilight. She crashed into a wall. "Who else?"
"Whoops," she said.
Twilight said, "Okay, can I check for sure that you're not a changeling using a spell I know?"
"What's a changeling?" Derpy said. Twilight hit her with the beam, but nothing happened. "That tickles," she said, giving a little smile. "What are you guys doing?"
"We're telling stories," Twilight said. "Perhaps you would like to join us."
"Oh, sure. But I have a lot of packages to deliver, and you know, that's work, and all." She scratched the back of her head, looking a little nervous in front of everyone. "But I can come back later."
"That's great," Twilight said. "You're our favorite mail-mare."
She blushed and flew out the door of the big room. Rainbow closed the door behind her. "Make sure to use the spell again when she comes back. You never know."
"But come on," Twilight said. "That's Derpy. She wouldn't harm a fly."
"You're missing the point."
"No, but to say that, I mean, why would anyone want to impersonate her?"
"Can I tell my story now?" Applejack said.
Derpy came back in the room. "Hello," she said.
Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash, and then back at Derpy, or Ditzy, as she's sometimes called. "Hello. Do you want to join us?"
"I think I could take one short break," she said.
"Shoot the beam at her again."
"Shut up," Rainbow Dash, Twilight said through her teeth.
"No, you shut up. You have what Spitfire would call an attitude problem."
"Wait," Derpy said. "Why are you all getting so angry? Can't we all just get along?"
"Shoot the beam at her."
"I refuse to."
"I order you to shoot the beam at her."
Twilight did but nothing happened. "Happy now? Jerk."
"How else were we supposed to know? How am I the jerk? You know from the story, one moment, a person can be your friend, and the next, it can be your enemy. How else are we going to solve this problem, Slowlight?"
"Did you just call me Slowlight?"
"Stop it," Derpy said. "Won't you all just stop, please?" She looked mightily distressed. "Come on, you guys. You love each other. Why are you being so mean to each other? I know you guys. You would never do this."
Twilight looked at Rainbow Dash. She got tears in her eyes, a flicker of tears. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I'm so, so sorry."
"I'm sorry too," Rainbow said. "Truth is that I'm really afraid of everything right now. I feel like I can't think straight. I feel like anyone could be a changeling, even you. But I shouldn't. Even if you are, I shouldn't, because loyalty is the most important thing of all, Twilight, and I learned some of that from you. I'm so sorry." They hugged each other, for a long time, without letting go.
The other ponies in the group watched on, smiling. "Wow," Derpy said. "I'm so proud of you guys."
"Okay," Applejack said. "I'm really proud too. I'm really happy that all you settled this."
"Do you want to go next?" Twilight said. "It makes sense. Maybe, we should've even started with you."
"I don't know," Applejack said. "Honestly, this is all real hard for me to handle. It's too much to even think about at the moment, y'all."
"We can take a break," Twilight said. "Anyone want cupcakes?"
"Hey, that's my line," Pinkie said. They all laughed.
"I want a cupcake," Derpy said. They all left the room, determined to put the misgivings behind them, and start anew, like a family would, and these ponies really were a family. They loved each other, and that's something you should never forget to do, no, never. Being together, and being a family, is something that made them happy.
"Peh. Bleh," he spit out a green splotch of brew out his mouth. "You call this a stew, Zecora? Your brew is abhorrent, abhoradora." He tipped the cauldron so that it fell over. Zecora was tied to the wall inside her cottage. "Aren't you cute?" he said, walking up to her. He tickled her neck.
"The ponies will find me hear. They'll know when you draw near."
He laughed, cackling. "Hahahaha. Shut your chute."
"This is getting, becoming too much," he said, his head twitching. He walked up to a white-board that was on the wall. It was full of arrows that went back and forth, and pictures of ponies, the six, the elements of harmony. "We need to simplify, as such." He looked to Zecora.
"Yes," he said. "Unless, I can't. Hm, and-t-t-t-t-t." He groaned. He turned into Zecora. Then, he turned into Twilight. "I need to transform, just so I can stop this incessant rhyming," she said. "Do you know of a cure? You wouldn't. You have the disease too."
"It's a gift," Zecora said.
He turned back. "Suit yourself, but I never wanted this, um, myself." He picked a pen off the floor and drew a few circles around Rainbow Dash. "She will be useful to me. She, if I can't get the three." He drew a few circles around Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight. "Others," he said. "Brothers? No, sisters. Blisters." He laughed. "Oh, what a world. It's a turd." He picked up a small bamboo stick. "Nighty-night. Don't let the bed bugs, um, bite. Heheh. That one was obvious." He shot a dart at Zecora, and she lost consciousness. Her head fell down, and hung from her position, where she was stretched out against the wall of the little house. "I think I like you, a little bit. But I blew this pipe, and now, your lights aren't lit, are they? Hey!" He jumped. Someone was knocking at the door. It was Derpy Hooves.
Zecora leaned out the door. "Hello dear, my little friend. I mean, there. Hello there, are you lost at the end? You want me to lead you back, and help you with your." She looked at what Derpy was holding. "Sack." She wiped her face. If Derpy had been observant, she could've almost seen the beads of sweat running down Zecora's face, but she wasn't, and so, the story goes on.
"I just wanted to give you your package," she said. She handed a wet lump to Zecora. Zecora frowned.
"What's this? There's something amiss."
"With the package you mean? Yeah, I'll repay you." Derpy scrambled in her bag for some bits. "Here you go. I'm really sorry, but I hope it will still be in good condition."
"Okaaay," Zecora said. "That's greeea." She coughed a little. "Oh, right. I'm still Zecora. Silly me. I like flora."
"I also like flora," Derpy said. Zecora smiled.
"Can I take your picture?" she said, holding up a camera.
"Oh, sure," Derpy said, brushing her mane up a little bit for the picture.
Zecora took the picture. "Nice, um, picture."
"Thank you. I hope you have a great day," Derpy said, flying away.
"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," Zecora shouted after her. She closed the door. "Stupid twat." She turned back into the changeling. Zecora was waking back up. He, the changeling, shot another arrow at her.
"Noo. Don't," Zecora said, losing consciousness again.
"This is perfect." He put the picture up in the middle of the other pictures, on the white-board. "With a pony like her around, it's easy to inspect, and impersonate, and perfect, my defect." He turned into her, mimicking her voice. "Oh, I scho schorry. What am I to doewgh-bleh. Disgusting. I hate asymmetry. I hate stupidity. I just want it all to end." He turned back into himself again. "But not until I have her then." He blew his dart-pipe at the board, and hit Applejack with a dart. "Sorry, Apple-freak. Didn't mean to be in your way, you cheek. I mean, you have cheek, not that you are a cheek. Oh, I feel bleak." He sank down on the floor. "I need. Oh, beak?" He turned into a griffin. Zecora was waking up again.
"Say, my little friend? What happened when Pinkie came visiting here at the end?"
"I won't say a word to you, you evil creature you. You do what you will do. Get out, or shoot."
"Those aren't even all rhymes," the griffin said, turning back into a changeling. "I fear we're losing our limes here, which is to say our sanity, our calamity." He started breathing heavily. "Bananas? Who am I exactly? I can't even remember. All I can see in front of me is, bandanas." He stared around the inside of Zecora's house, seeing pieces of fabric hanging across the walls. "These new? Are these- ugh." He turned into Pinkie. "Hello, Zecora. Do you want to be my friend?"
"They were supposed to be a gift for her," she said. "It's sad to me to see you as her, you jerk."
"Oh, I'm a jerk, am I?" Pinkie said. "Don't you want to be my friend? Oh my gosh." Pinkie backed away, seeing a spider on the floor. "Aaaugh!" she ran around the cottage. "No. No," she said. She turned back into the changeling. "No. Oh. Oh. No. No? What am I doing?" He looked at his hooves, breathing shakily. "I get too far inside a pony's head, and then, I might as well be dead. It's like I don't exist. I'm stuck between my own identity and theirs." He looked at Zecora. "Betwixt."
She turned her head away. "Still, I will see what I can do, because Apple-land will be mine." And he looked her in the eye, but she didn't look back. "And you." He laughed. "Oh, I can do anything I want. You don't think I can? I shan't."
"You are what gives me my powers. I need to see you, and then I can build towers. I can do anything, and I mean anything, is the thing."
"What are you going to do?" she said.
He hummed. "Um, lock you away somewhere, far away, where no eyes can reach you. You're boring. I'm tired of you. I think I've extracted enough of your personality that I can do what you do, you deploring, deplorable, ugh, unrestorable, stupid, putrid." He turned into Zecora. "Thinggg."
"This kind of evil, will only be rewarded in kind, by your imprisonment in Tartarus, by ponies that mind."
"I've heard that one before, ever since I escaped from the hive. No one takes me seriously, but they will." He nodded, now looking like Zecora. "I feel live, like a high, towering, ugh." He turned back into Pinkie. "Listen here. If you are found in this forest, it will be, well, not you exactly. It will be you, except." Pinkie laughed. "Dead. How does that sound?"
Zecora said nothing.
Esceforn turned to the white-board. "Then let the games begin." He, in his Pinkie-form, picked up a bamboo-pipe and shot an arrow, straight at the picture of Rainbow Dash. A piece of the picture detached and fell to the floor. "It's my time to win," Pinkie said. "For once."