The bachelor party that Megamind planned for Gru proved to be every bit as epic as promised, even if no one was entirely sure after the fact what had happened. Of those that attended, vague and conflicting accounts were all that could be recalled, and even within the Minion Hive Mind exact details were unclear. One attendee claimed that it had involved hopping dimensions, somehow. Another claimed that many of those interacted with were known only by number, and one of those had been a giant reptile of some sort that had called all involved 'Disgusting', only to flee from Warrior Minions with a traumatized expression. A third insisted that a nine-tailed Korean fox woman had given Gru and Megamind a lap dance involving lots of claw work. And despite no one recalling things too clearly, at least one Minion had been muttering about a 'Tickle Monster' ever since. There was also something about a black Djinn 'washing his hands' of the lot of them, and something that "wasn't round".
...Tempest made a mental note to learn what a "lap dance" was when she was older, if only to figure out why it was at a bachelor party. She also made a note to never answer any of her sisters' questions about what happened. If she was forced to admit what little she did know, it might encourage them to investigate further, and it felt like that would be a bad idea.
At some point during the party, the Minions had grilled Vector regarding how he got back from the Moon...and in doing so learned why the Villain Bank had crashed not long after the Moon was returned to its proper orbit. Said interrogation had apparently involved tying Vector to a metal pole while two groups of Minions yelled nonsense at each other while shaking bags of charcoal and cans of propane at each other until Vector caved and yelled he'd tell them whatever they wanted to know, followed by one Minion pointing at Vector, the Moon, and the ground in that order.
...the success of the tactic probably had something to do with there being a luau during that part of the bachelor party. Tempest was pretty sure she spotted some sort of blue dog creature doing a hula over a fence at that point, but she'd made the decision to not question anything about the bachelor party and do her best to forget anything she learned about it.
And now it was time for the wedding. Gru stood in a black tux at the alter, wearing a well fitting tux. Minion - who, as it turned out, was an ordained pastor (a bit of overpreparation from one of his and Megamind's schemes) - stood behind the altar, prepared to give the speech. Megamind stood by Gru's side, also dressed in black, though for once having gone without any spikes on his clothing...though close inspection revealed that there were places spikes might extend if needed. Apparently, Megamind had looked up 'Best Man' tradition and come across one where the Best Man was supposed to be ready to fight to the death against any that threatened the Groom or tried to disrupt the wedding so the Groom himself would not get blood on his hands. Tempest tried not to think about where he might be hiding what weapons. The fact Minion was still in his battle mech body despite the priestly robe tossed over it suggested one possible hiding spot, though.
Roxanne stood across from Megamind in a rather lovely maroon bridesmaid dress as the Maid of Honor, and Margo - in her place as a Bridesmaid alongside Edith - kept having to flick Megamind with a prod hidden in her mini-bouquet to keep him from getting distracted by Roxanne rather than focusing on the wedding. She also didn't hesitate to use it to keep Edith from getting distracted or bored.
The seats were filled with Minions mostly, though in the front row Nefario, Gru's Mother, and El Macho sat together, ready to see Gru happily married. El Macho's son had been enlisted to serve as Ring Bearer, though the put out expression on his face whenever he noticed the glower Margo turned his way suggested that this was some form of penance on his part. While one of the Minions had been planning to play the piano for the wedding march, Megamind had brought another friend of his to handle the music for the wedding...an exceptionally buff, ruggedly handsome fellow who went only by the name "Music Man". Roxanne visibly rolled her eyes whenever he introduced himself.
Most of these distractions ended when Music Man began playing the traditional wedding march, signaling the approach of the bride. Coming up the outdoor aisle first was Tempest, dressed in highly polished battle armor and helmet framing her glowing horn, with Agnes on her back dressed as the flower girl, sprinkling flower petals to either side. Margo had tried to get Tempest into a dress, but Tempest had attempted to transform each one into armor, only to manage to immolate one, turn another into water, and turn the third into a flock of butterflies. After that, Nefario made her armor, which she now treated as her formal attire. At the moment it was plain black with silver plates, but she would customize it as she got older.
Behind them came Lucy in her wedding gown, resplendent in white silks and brocade. Gru caught sight of her and he plainly ceased to be aware of anything else. Tempest rolled her eyes discreetly at that, and finished her walk up to her place at the front, letting Lucy finish her walk up the now flower-strewn path.
Minion made throat clearing noises despite him lacking a throat to clear as the music stopped. "Dearly beloved," he called out with a wide smile, gesticulating with his robot suit, "we are gathered here today to join these two in holy matrimony, as they desire to bind their futures together despite - and in some cases, because of - their pasts. Of these disparate individuals, today is forged a family." He paused briefly before glancing at the book in his metal hands. "I would wax more eloquent, but I'm not going to compete with the boss's speech later," he continued, jerking a thumb towards Megamind, resulting in many of the Minions bursting into laughter. Once the laughter passed, Minion glanced at the book again. "Huh, next is supposed to be the part asking about objections, but-" His words were briefly interrupted by the sound of numerous weapons being cocked and laser sights seeking targets. "Pretty sure anyone who might has better survival instincts than to actually try." More laughter greeted this.
"And now our soon to be wed couple has written their own vows to share," Minion continued, causing both Gru and Lucy's faces to briefly tense up.
"Y-yes," Gru began awkwardly. "Wrote our own...vows..."
"Of course we did..." Lucy agreed, one hand slipping into her bouquet briefly. "W-why don't you go first, Gru?"
"But it's ladies first," Gru pointed out uncertainly, his own hand reaching behind his back for something. "That's gentlemanly, right?"
"Well, yes, but you could consider this like-"
"Excuse me a moment," Megamind interrupted. "I'm just wondering if there's a reason you're both concealing remote activation devices."
"...both?" Gru and Lucy asked in surprise, turning shocked looks on each other.
Roxanne stifled a groan. "Let me guess...during the planning, someone brought up the idea about how 'romantic' it was to write your own vows-"
"Ka!" Dave insisted eagerly, waving his hand. "Pak tos ka!"
"-and one of you agreed with them-" Roxanne continued.
"That was me..." Lucy admitted awkwardly.
"-which led to the other one declaring that they would write their own vows to make things extra special-"
"Guilty," Gru admitted, his face shifting from ashamed to amused.
"-and then you declared you would do the same?" Roxanne continued, turning to Lucy.
When Lucy nodded, Megamind chuckled. "Only you both are so awkward with public speaking that neither of you were actually able to write vows, but you were terrified of disappointing each other by admitting it, so at the last minute you decided you'd let the other say their vows then set off some sort of remote control distraction that would require 'quick attention', so you could rush through the vows and the rest of the wedding and hopefully it would never come up again?"
"Dewey gave me a remote activator for the Simsa," Gru and Lucy admitted simultaneously. They looked at each other in surprise, and then burst into giggles. Nearly everyone present rolled their eyes.
"In that case, maybe we should skip the vows and go straight to exchanging rings?" Tempest suggested as Gru's mother shook her head in amused disappointment.
"Not a bad idea," Minion agreed as Gru and Lucy both reached for the pillow with the rings at the same time, only to bump noses. Rolling his eye, Stuart walked up, picked the rings up off the pillow, and handed them to the pair. As the rings were exchanged, Minion continued, "Then by the power invested in me by Chaos Undivided-"
"Wait, seriously?" Megamind asked in surprise. "That's your order?"
"Technically I'm a secular pastor, but I was allowed to put whatever I wanted down for my sect," Minion replied with a smirk. Turning back to Gru and Lucy, he continued, "I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride...hopefully before anything else goes screwy."
As many present laughed, Gru and Lucy turned to each other with warm smiles before pulling each other into a passionate embrace and kiss. The laughter quickly broke into cheers.
As everyone sat in their seats at the reception, chatting and laughing and occasionally rushing over to offer a congratulations to the new couple, Megamind rose to his feet and lightly clinked his fork against his glass, drawing everyone's attention. Once all eyes were on him, he began speaking. "When Gru asked me to be his Best Man...I admit, it was overwhelming to me," he began humbly. "However, I promised him two things. First, a Bachelor Party the likes of which the world had never seen before, an epic blowout that would be talked about for generations to come." He smiled disarmingly. "It'll probably take that long to figure out what happened."
Once the laughter died down, he continued. "The other thing I promised was an amazing, wonderful, perfect toast, and I had written out one that would be absolutely perfect! ...but then I learned that Gru and Lucy were writing their own vows, and didn't want to overshadow them, so I incinerated it and decided to ad lib." Once that laughter died down, he rubbed his brow. "Don't know how well I'll do here."
"You'll do fine!" 'Music Man' called out from the piano. "You're a great public speaker! Everyone knows that!"
"I've only ever really done dialogues, though!" Megamind pointed out.
"Want me to pinch-talk?" 'Music Man' offered helpfully.
"No, no, I need to learn to monologue eventually, and I do remember what I researched as far as what the toast is supposed to be about." As more warm, supportive laughter greeted this byplay, Megamind faced the gathered people. He awkwardly cleared his throat. "One of the things that's supposed to be covered in one of these toasts is how well suited to each other the new couple is." He lifted the two confiscated remote activation devices with a smirk. "Q.E.D."
Once that laughter died down, he continued. "I'm also supposed to talk about how they came together as a couple, and the wonderful events that involved and what it says about their love." He shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Sorry folks, wasn't there. Best I've got is second hand accounts, and that came from most of you anyway!" At this point, Gru and Lucy were doubling over in laughter, which gave Megamind a boost in confidence. "I'm supposed to talk about how well I know them, that I was picked to be Best Man. To be perfectly honest, I think they'd have been better off with Best Bot for that. At least it would know what to say."
As the laughter died down, Megamind sobered. "In all seriousness everyone, what this toast is supposed to be about is their future, and what I see in it, and how well they will work together. Well, we don't have to look far for that." He gestured to where Margo had clambered into Gru's lap, Tempest on his head, and Edith on Lucy's shoulders with Agnes half asleep in her lap. "Only just married today, and yet already wonderful parents to a loving family. What more needs to be seen?" Heartfelt sighs greeted this inquiry. "I know how these toasts are supposed to end, but in this case I think this is more appropriate." He lifted the glass towards them. "To the family."
"Da ta ichbel," echoed throughout the reception as the toasting of the Minions drowned out those speaking in English, thought the meaning carried through...even if several Minions spontaneously changed outfits to be dressed like Italian Mobsters for no relevant reason, but that was them.
Megamind sat down after taking a drink, looking more than a little overwhelmed. Gru reached over and patted his arm. "Thank you," he offered warmly. "It was perfect." Lucy nodded agreement.
"You did wonderfully," Roxanne praised, resting her hands on his other arm to reassure him.
"Well," 'Music Man' spoke up with a grin, "I think it's time for the first song, for the new family's dance!"
"Dancing!" Agnes cried happily, making those around her laugh.
"And this song, I think, is perfect for you all!" 'Music Man' declared as he began to play, singing his heart out as well to lead the dancing.