"A fool is quick-tempered, but a wise person stays calm when insulted."
— Proverbs 12:16
After the whole library debacle, Malrick decided to wander around the castle some more while Trevor followed behind to make sure Malrick didn't do anything short of committing a homicide because although so far everything done by him is considered extremely mean by normal pony standards, Malrick usually does WAY worse. In fact, the only reason why he hasn't done any permanent public/private property damage is because Trevor is with him and he doesn't want to make him upset. Trevor gulped at the thought of Malrick being unattended and the fact he hadn't destroyed the castle because of his presence. Of course, less bad doesn't exactly mean not bad as currently, both Malrick and Trevor were both waist deep in gold coins.
"Dad? I don't think we're supposed to be here." Trevor unsure.
"Of course not, why did you think I polymorphed the guards near the doorway?" Malrick replied.
"Isn't Celestia going to be unhappy when she finds out her guards got polymorphed?"
"Finds out? All of the guards here look literally the same, down to coat color. She will not notice if a few guards are missing."
"By 'few' do you mean forty?"
"No witnesses Trevor! I had to polymorph the ponies who saw me polymorph the guards, and then polymorph the other ponies who saw me polymorph the ponies who saw me polymorph the guards, and then polymorph-"
"Okay okay! I get it! I still don't know why we're in the royal vault though."
"I wanted to see the treasures of this place, but I see mostly gold coins and gems, so nothing out of the ordinary."
"So we can leave then?" Trevor asked.
"Sure, I guess." Malrick said with a shoulder shrug.
While they were walking out of the royal vault (Malrick temporarily turned off all of the wards), a few small crabs were trying to pinch at Malrick's toes to no avail.
"Why do you always polymorph others into crabs?" Trevor asked.
"Eh, frogs and sheep are done to death. I like to do things differently."
---
While the duo was walking in random directions again, they were discussing about the respiration system of crabs and how long could they live without being submerged in water.
"But I always see crabs walking at the bottom of the ocean!" Trevor countered.
"I know! But they can breathe air, they just need to have their gills moist." Malrick explained.
"So those the guards will still suffocate!"
"Actually, crabs can live out of the water at a maximum of 24 hours, the polymorph spell will end long before then."
"Unless you made the spell last longer, which I'm pretty sure you can-ack!"
Malrick and Trevor accidentally bumped into a pony in the hallways while they were walking.
"Oh! Sorry about that..." Trevor apologized, "I wasn't looking where I was going."
But Trevor didn't get a reply as the blonde-maned, white, unicorn stallion started at them both with an open mouth and wide eyes.
"EW! I got touched by a dirty monkey! I just got this suit washed and now I have to wash it again!"
"Oh my god, you're one of those people aren't you?" Malrick said in utter annoyance while facepalming, "Alright then, who might you be?"
"AHHH!!! IT CAN TALK!!! (Even though Trevor apologized literally three seconds ago but he must've not heard it I guess)."
"You know what? I'm not sitting through another one of these freak-out sessions. I already had over thirty today."
Malrick conjured a cup of water and splashed it right into the unicorn's face, seemingly breaking him out of his screaming stupor.
"Are you done looking like an idiot or are you going to continue?"
The unicorn seemed to go back to normal mode, which in this case meant: "How dare you insult the royal prince Blueblood like that?!"
Malrick scoffed, "Blueblock is it? Well I am so sorry my son bumped into you and tainted your shirt." Malrick said with clear sarcasm.
"My name isn't Blueblock, it's prince Blueblood."
"That's what I said, Blueboy"
"No, now you just said Blueboy, my name is prince Blueblood."
"Blue jeans."
"Blueblood"
"Blue-mer." (Bloomer)
"Blueblood!"
"Blue butt."
"Blueblood!"
"I don't care what your name is Blue balls! If you don't have anything important to say to us then just get out of our faces and leave! Your presence is already intoxicating enough, we don't want to deal with your voice on top of that as well!"
Blue basket at this point looked less annoyed or disgusted and more furious as a vein popped on his head and his left eye started to twitch, "YOU PEASANTS! I'LL HAVE MY AUNTIE KNOW ABOUT THIS! YOU MONKEYS SHOULD BE PUT IN A ZOO INSTEAD OF-"
"You know what? I've had enough of you." Malrick said with malice as he outstretched his hand. His palm glowed with orange light as a bolt of energy leaped off of his hand and landed on Blueprint. There was a crackle and then a puff of dust, and where Blueberry once stood a blue crab replaced him.
There was dead silence in the room as Trevor was in shock from the events that transpired.
"Man, being a quasi-immortal is exhausting, I could really go for a snack right now." Malrick said as he picked up the crab.
Trevor eyed Malrick and the crab with worry, "... Dad, whatever you do, please don't-"
"*Gulp* Eh?"
Trevor facepalmed for the third time that day.
---
After some more wandering, talking, (and a lot of poor decisions on Malrick's part), they arrived in some sort of dining room. How did they know it was a dining room?
Long table, that's how.
Thankfully, before the room got affected by Malrick's... presence, Celestia turned to face them in surprise. She was in the middle of talking with a few guardsponies and before anything was said to Malrick and Trevor, she quickly dismissed them.
"Oh! I was just about to send some of the castle staff to come and find you for lunch," Celestia said with a smile, "But could you tell me why I heard my nephew screaming and then a sort of popping sound shortly thereafter?"
While Trevor's face went immediately blanched at the word "nephew", Malrick showed no reaction to the new information, "Oh, you mean Bluebell ice cream?"
"No, Blueblood."
"That's what I said, Blue-per." (Blooper)
"... Yeah, we know why he was screaming..." Trevor interrupted. He looked down at the ground as he knew that those words just sealed his fate.
"Oh really? Could you inform me why?" Celestia asked before she looked around in worry, "He isn't hurt is he?!"
"Nah, he ain't hurt." Malrick calmly replied, "Though, he's a little... different now."
Trevor looked at Malrick confusingly "Wait, he's not dead?"
"Wait, WHAT?!" Celestia screamed out, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'WAIT, HE'S NOT DEAD'?!"
"I turned him into a crab and ate him." Malrick said happily.
"But that's the thing Dad: you ate him." Trevor pointed out while trying to not look into Celestia's face since he can only imagine the anger on it.
"Yeah."
"So, shouldn't he have, I dunno, be digested by now?"
Malrick shook his head, "While it is true that I did eat Bluebird, he isn't inside my stomach cavity." Malrick explained.
"Then where is he?" Celestia said with a dangerously low tone of voice.
Instead of being scared, Malrick chuckled a little, "Cellular data, if I answered that question in full, we would be here all day, but don't worry, he's completely fine and unharmed!"
"Then, can you bring him back?" Trevor asked hopefully.
"... Do we have to? I mean, it's not like anyone would really care if-"
"Now." Celestia commanded coldly.
"Ughhh... Fiiine..." Malrick said like a whiny teenager. Malrick outstretched his arm as a blue light emerged from his hand and a few seconds later, Bluebonnet appeared on the dining room floor, except-
"Oh yeah, I forgot I turned him into a crab beforehand." Malrick said while watching the frantically skittering crab.
"Yeah, you should probably fix that too." Trevor said while trying to avoid the crab.
"..."
"..."
"... Are you going-"
"But he's so much quieter this way!"
"Now!" Both Trevor and Celestia yelled out in annoyance.
"You guys are no fun." Malrick grumbled as he snapped his fingers to reverse the spell. The crab reverted back into a unicorn stallion with a blonde mane, blue eyes, and blue coat-
Wait.
"AGHHH! I'M BLUE!" Blue poppy screamed in horror.
"Um, Malrick, I think there was a mistake in the reversal process." Celestia pointed out.
"Trust me, that was not a mistake." Malrick said while looking at the panicking Blue whale with amusement.
Blue iguana stopped screaming and looked around to see the monkey with the brown hat, his beloved auntie, and... him. Blue tang had a face of pure race and his blue coated face started to turn a little red (which made it turn into a shade of purple, which Malrick found extremely hilarious). He faced towards the creature and spoke with pure hate, "Turn me back to how I was right now or I'll-"
"Okay." Malrick said as another ray of orange leaped from his hand and onto Blue-ringed octopus, turning him back into a blue crab once again.
Celestia slowly turned her head and looked at Malrick, who saw with surprise that there was actually steam coming out of her ears and her mane started to catch fire. Malrick decided that he had enough fun for today and rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers again. This time, Blue crayfish returned to normal, coat color and all.
Yay...
As Blue poison dart frog checked to make sure that he was really back to normal, he calmly walked towards Celestia and looked at her with pleading eyes.
"Oh lovely auntie of mine, can you please punish those disrespectful, monstrous-"
"She can't and she won't" Malrick calmly replied with a smile while Trevor was in the background freaking the fuck out at Malrick's outburst.
"What makes you say that?" Celestia asked genuinely curious.
"Technically, I haven't done any damage to him, physical or phycological, so you can't really punish me."
"But you turned him into a crab, there has got to be some sort of law against that, right?" Trevor asked.
"Not really, transmutative laws have always been very flimsy since you could do so many different things with even a simple polymorph spell, so to keep things simple as long as the target isn't harmed in any way, you can't get charged. Keep in mind, I'm assuming that this is how it works here. I'm just basing off your laws in this world with the ones in my world."
Celestia tilted her head in confusion, "Anyone can polymorph anyone at anytime without being punished as long as it doesn't harm them? Wouldn't that cause a lot of chaos in society?"
"Surprisingly, not really. Most of the mages strong enough to cast the spell work for the government. The ones who don't work for the government are either evil, insane, or overpowered, so you know, people the government try to get rid of."
Celestia returned to looking at Malrick with a hard glare, "Still though, I cannot allow you to polymorph my nephew whenever you please."
"I only did it in retaliation." Malrick calmly explained.
Celestia raised an eyebrow, "Retaliation? For what?"
"For disturbing the peace, yelling at my son, and being a racist bastard overall."
"You're the one who keeps mispronouncing my name!" Blue algae screams out.
"I don't know what you're talking about Bluebottle fly."
Malrick smirked at the raging pony and clapped his hands, "So! Am I guilty of any crime?"
"... No, you aren't" Celestia said with a sigh. Malrick had a huge "shit-eating grin" on his face while Trevor looked extremely relieved. Blue milk mushroom on the other hand...
"WHAT?! You are going to let this barbarian get away without-"
"What? A fine for a couple gold coins which I can easily pay off? Sending me to the dungeons I've escaped from a few hours ago? Executing me just to have me come back to life?" Malrick sneered, "I also think both of you are forgetting about the ridiculous amounts of power I possess."
Celestia turned to Bluebeard with sympathy, "I'm sorry, but just like Malrick said, the laws regarding transmutative magic have always been very vague because of how diverse transmutative magic is," Celestia looked at Malrick with a bit of concern, "not to mention that normally, unless they are extremely evil, ponies usually don't transmutate others for amusement."
After looking at Celestia's consoling face and shaking head and Malrick's mocking smile, Bluestacks realized that the alien will go unpunished, something he would not stand for, "Fine, if Auntie will not punish you, then I will do it myself." He used his magic to summon a fancy looking rapier and telekinetically grasped the hilt and pointed the blade at Malrick, "I challenge you to a duel!"
Malrick looked at Blue screen of death like he said the stupidest thing in the world (because he did), "You... challenge me... to a duel..."
Blue jay looked at Malrick and smirked, "Correct, a duel to determine which of us is superior than the other. Me versus you, last one standing, right here, right now-"
"Alright." Malrick said simply as he outstretched his arm again. Another flash of orange light exploded from where Blue sea slug was and for the third time that day, he was turned back into a blue crab.
"*Sigh* He really needs to learn from his mistakes. You would think that after being turned into a crab two times in the same day he would learn not to bother me, but I guess not." Malrick looked at both Trevor's and Celestia's faces of sheer disappointment, both alternating between him and Blue baby, "So, now that's all taken care of, what's for lunch?"