//------------------------------// // Chapter 4: Who I Am // Story: One Thousand Years Ago // by Scroll //------------------------------// Chapter 4 Who I Am     Cozy Glow slowly opens her eyes as she rouses from sleep. As she does so, it starts to register in her mind that she has returned to her world and her bedroom in Twilight's castle. A room that formerly belonged to the Princess of the Night: Luna.     But, over the course of the years she ha been here, the décor has slowly been personalized over time, but considerably slower than most would suspect due to the potential accessible resources of the occupant and who the occupant is.     Cozy nestles herself in her bed made of clouds and squeezes the blankets tiredly over her. She recalls that she dismissed some other servants in the castle to join her mother for breakfast because she was still sleepy and did not want to get up. Now she is no longer tired, but she still does not want to get up.     Cozy Glow has been pretty depressed over these years since being freed from stone. She tried her best to keep it to herself by showcasing her old ego, but the truth was she felt broken inwardly, and some of those who knew her well, knew that about her. Some ponies now know that her mind was awake and aware inside her stone prison; a fact that continues to have a profound and lasting psychological impact on her.     Then, on top of that, she gains many of the memories from her sister in the human dimension which effectively more than doubled her memories and experiences.     Back then, when she first met her sister, she put on an act to try to hide her pain from her human self, but the act she put on apparently concerned her sister enough to do something about it. In this case, infusing her with her sister’s memories in the hopes that would affect Cozy’s behavior by offering a new perspective.     Ever since then, the deep funk that Cozy Glow felt from within grew more firm. She tried to ignore the reasons why, but her recent excursion to the human world made some of the sources of her depression all too clear; the heartfelt farewell to her alternate self's friends and family made it harder to ignore that she feels something missing from her life. Whatever it is, it is something she might not ever be able to claim.     There is a knock on Cozy's door which disrupts her from her train of thought.     “Go away!” Cozy cries out irritably.     She hears the jingle of magic. Feeling surprised, she looks at the door to see her doorknob glow with a very light teal magical aura color. Cozy knew at once that color did not belong to her mother, or the servants, or the guards that regularly patrol this place. This is somepony new.     “Didn't you hear me?” Cozy cried out to the one at the door. “I said . . .” Cozy trails off when the door flings open, revealing the short hallway that leads to her mother's room, or the rest of the castle through another door midway through that hallway. Standing at the door is none other than Sunset Shimmer, in pony form, who enters Cozy’s room without permission while yawning tiredly.     “Yeah, I heard what you said,” Sunset says dismissively amidst a few more yawns. “and I don't care. I'm coming in whether you like it or not.”     “Sunset Shimmer!” Cozy Glow exclaims with fond surprise. “I, ah . . . I didn't know it was you. Frankly, I'm quite surprised that you're up so soon. With how tired you seemed to be last night, I thought you'd sleep for days.”     Sunset shrugs a bit as she says, “Yeah, well . . . that's adult life for ya. One has to get used to sleeping for five or less hours a day.” She looked at a chair in front of a study desk. She surrounds it in her light teal aura from her horn and magicks it over to her beside Cozy's bed. The backrest of the chair faces Cozy. Sunset sits on the chair backwards, draping her hooves dangling over the backrest of the chair.     “How long has it been since you were last in Equestria?” Cozy asks curiously while continuing to bundle up in her soft and cozy blankets. During that time, she sits up and looks at her uninvited but also very much welcome guest.     “Probably less than you think,” Sunset answers while she looks like she is still waking up. Her tired eyes continue to droop halfway. “I think my last visit was only a few moons ago, but I didn't stay too long back then. I just swung in, picked up some parts I needed, then returned to the human world.”     “This is the world you were born and raised in,” Cozy reminds Sunset. “Don't you miss this place?”     Sunset shakes her head a bit as she says, “Not really, although . . .” she magics over one of Cozy's pillows to her. She has it hover and spin over her right hoof. “. . . I do miss my magic that I have in this world. I used to be quite good at it, too. Before I left for my new world, I used to be one of Princess Celestia's prize pupils.”     “Golly, Sunset, magic is part of who you are,” Cozy brought up. “I know I felt quite empty with my lack of ability to fly in your new world. Plus there is that tall and lanky human form.”     Sunset shrugs again while continuing to eye the spinning pillow about her right hoof in a bit of fascination. “I get by with a little help from my friends. Besides, magic will always be part of who I am regardless which world I am in, and I found a way to channel some of it even in a world that mostly lacks it. If you think about it, that's kind of amazing!     “Of course,” she shoots the pillow back on Cozy's bed then looks over to the teenager, “my exposure to magic in my new world hasn't always been a good thing. I had to challenge dark magic with extremely uncanny frequency for a world that supposedly lacks magic almost entirely.”     “What about your family in Equestria?” Cozy probes. “Don't you miss them?”     Sunset looks taken aback a bit, then looks down in depression. During that time, it looks like she's waking up quite a bit more. “My, um . . . family and I have a complex history together. I . . . don't really want to talk about it.”     Cozy frowns as she looks down, then admits, “Well . . . I certainly know what that's like.”     Sunset’s eyes focus up at Cozy while her face remains directed down. She says, “The Cozy in our world had a complex history with her family, too. For quite a long time, almost half of her memories of her birth parents were buried until I helped her to uncover them.”     “I know. I possess some of those memories,” Cozy informs. “The other Cozy was very fond of you, and deeply regrets how much she betrayed you.”     Sunset waves Cozy off as she says, “Well, I'm not going to lie to you and say that was no big deal, but all of that is in the past. I've made mistakes in my history as well, and I know how much forgiveness and friendship can transform one's life for the better.”     Cozy frowns as she looks down.     “You haven't forgiven yourself for your own past either, have you?” Sunset strongly suspects as she looks at Cozy fully.     Cozy shakes her head.     “You and your counterpart really are very much alike,” Sunset realizes. “That's so uncanny. You really are two sides of the same coin, including all the bad ways.”     “Remind me why you followed us back to our world again?” Cozy requests.     “Because,” Sunset floats her magic geode, “I have a unique power here that may come of use with contacting the mind of your counterpart.”     “But the last time you tried that, you were ejected with a psychic attack from King Sombra,” Cozy reminds. “Do you really want to risk going through that again?”     “That's what heroes do, Cozy,” Sunset says firmly. “She is in trouble and I'm going to help, even if there is some risk involved. I promised her mother that I would return with her safe and sound, and that is precisely what I'm going to do.”     “Why?” Cozy asks. “What's in it for you?”     Once again, Sunset looks taken aback, but this time she seems more insulted by that question. She answers with, “Why, the return of my friend, of course! I love your counterpart dearly. If you have any of her memories, you should know that about me.”     “Well,” Cozy looks down and to her right, “where I grew up in, no creature ever does anyone a favor without expecting something in return, and even then . . . it's probably all a set up for betrayal.”     “Jeez!” Sunset exclaims with wide, stunned eyes. “I'm sorry to hear that, Cozy. I really am.”     Cozy shrugs as she says, “It's okay. It made me who I am today.”     “Well, we can make anything work, I suppose,” Sunset decides with a bit of a sad tone. “But the important thing to remember is we are more than just our past. It is our present and future that also determines who we are. A tragic past can make you weak or strong, Cozy. It all depends on how you choose to view it. You can let it break you, or you can use it as a lesson on what to avoid in the future. Making mistakes can help refine future actions so that you don't repeat them if you don't want to.”     Cozy is quiet as she looks sad and thoughtful.     “I came back to this world in order to help your alternate self, Cozy, but I'm here for you too, if you need me,” Sunset offers.     “Thank you!” Cozy says in a tiny and timid voice which is also full of gratitude.     “Aw!” Sunset smiles brightly at Cozy while water shines in her light teal eyes. “Come here, Cozy. Please.”     Obediently, Cozy Glow crawls forward on her bed next to Sunset Shimmer. Sunset, in turn, stands up, magics the chair out of the way, then steps forward to embrace Cozy Glow in a warm hug.     Sunset feels bemused to observe Cozy Glow trot down the hallways of Canterlot Castle while dressed in such puffy and frilly blue dress attire truly worthy of the Canterlot elite. Most likely the dress was made by none other than Rarity herself. To go along with the look, Cozy's mane and tail are tied up with a multitude of different colored ribbons to help secure her curly hair.     Sunset reminds herself that, although clothing seems more optional in this dimension, royalty and nobility tend to make it standard practice, but it still seems a little weird to her for a pegasus to wear such things because it looks cumbersome and restrictive to movement. That, in turn, is something that normally bothers a typical pegasus. Sunset even brought that up while Cozy was putting it on, and she recalled the fact that Cozy agreed with the fact that the attire was somewhat restrictive, but she also thought it looked cute and she very much cared about public image.     When Cozy said that, Sunset recalled the fact that she almost always wears clothes in her dimension, and this Cozy has some of the other Cozy's memories so Sunset not wearing clothes may come off as odd to her.     Following the guidance of the other palace guards, Cozy and Sunset locate Princess Twilight and her Number One Assistant, Spike, on the first floor meeting up with Zecora who is pulling a wagon full of potions, herbs, and the means to make more potions.     “Twilight, Spike, Zecora, hi,” Sunset greets as she and Cozy both approach the trio, “and good morning.”     “Ah, Sunset Shimmer, what good, it is, to greet thee upon this morning rise,” Zecora announces to her. “A treat, it is, for this old mare's eyes. As well, I see, you have brought dear Cozy Glow; whose counterpart I came to see, I know. Matters of urgency have brought me here. With haste we must address this issue, I fear.” Zecora looks back at the wagon she brought with her. “Potions and herbs I brought aplenty. Not a single jar will you find empty.” She looks at Spike. “Upon receiving your letter, I came with all due haste. Not a single moment did I dare waste.”     Spike, the buff teenage dragon, gestures to himself with a claw and announces with a proud smile, “Oh, that was nothing for the Princess's Number One Assistant.” Spike's proud look shifts to a fond one at Zecora. “I am glad you proceeded here as soon as possible, and it's good to see you, too.”     “Yes, thank you, Zecora,” Princess Twilight agrees with Spike. “I fear this issue may be quite dire.” She grins at Zecora as she adds a bit playfully, “But, with confidence, your presence does inspire. Eventually, I think, my fears I can retire. With all the experience and resources that you have acquired, I'm confident that this threat will soon be expired.”     Zecora chuckles mirthfully at the Princess's kind words before replying, “So glad, I am, that I can inspire such courage. With all my power, I will dispel this damage. But with respect to Your Majesty's own image, request, I do, for you to return to your native language.”     “I concur,” Spike agrees while rubbing the back of his neck with a claw and giving Twilight a strange look. “Hearing you talk like that is kind of freaky.”     The Princes giggles a bit, then explains, “I just wanted to show you equal courtesy, Zecora.”     Spike rolls his eyes as he says, “Well, that and to show off.”     “I'm also eager to help,” Cozy puts in earnestly. “So, when do we begin?”     The Princess narrows her eyes slightly at Cozy while putting on a coy smile, then says, “Zecora and I will head over to the other Cozy right away. You, however, shall be delayed until you have finished your breakfast.” Before Cozy can object, Twilight quickly adds while raising a wing in Cozy’s direction with objection, “I will brook no excuses! You missed breakfast today at your normal schedule, and you are a growing girl. I will not permit such negligence to the health of my daughter while under my rule.”     Cozy Glow can see, from her mother's firm look, that she will not yield on that point, so she looks down with a sigh as she says in depression and defeat, “Yes, Mother.”     Sunset Shimmer frowns at Cozy's reaction, then quickly adds while looking at Princess Twilight, “I just got up myself, and I could use a bite to eat as well.” She bows to the Princess. “With your permission, Your Majesty, may I join your daughter as we eat breakfast together?”     “Of course!” Twilight says brightly to Sunset then waves her off with the same wing that originally was held up in an objecting way. “But please, no 'Your Majesty' stuff. I can tolerate that from my subjects, but not my friends.”     Sunset sighs slightly as she lifts her head from a bow. “Which is something you told me earlier. Forgive me. I forgot. It's been a trying year for me.”     No thanks to me! Cozy thought to herself with a guilty frown. Well, the other me, that is.     A fond look shifts into Twilight's eyes at Sunset. “All is forgiven, and it's very understandable.” She looks at her daughter with a more relaxed expression. “Sunset has been in this castle before, many years ago, but a lot has changed since then. Please escort her to the royal banquet hall. Upon your arrival, the chefs and servants have been instructed to immediately provide you with your breakfast meal.” Her look turns a bit firm again. “They've also been instructed not to let you depart until you are finished.”     “Yes, Mother,” Cozy says submissively. “But . . . won't the three of you need us to help heal my other self?”     “In order to lift the affliction of the one who is cursed, a careful inspection must be done first,” Zecora announces wisely. “For this situation, we must look before we leap. Such tactics will be necessary if victory we intend to keep. So relax now, dear filly, your concerns you may rest; for all of us, together, will be needed for this quest. In the meantime, we should be a humble guest. Preparation is required for us to pass this test.”     “Preparation which includes a healthy breakfast,” Twilight adds sharply and emphatically to her daughter.     “Okay, okay!” Cozy exclaims irritably. “I'm going.” She wheels about and trots the way she came. “Come on, Sunset.”     Sunset follows Cozy first with a dry look, then says over her shoulder at Twilight. “I see we have our work cut out for us on another front, too.”     “Nothing seems to come easy with either one of them,” Twilight agrees with Sunset as the other mare departs. “But we are determined. Our love and guidance will see them through.”     “You can count on it!” Sunset agrees with determination then looks forward as she proceeds to follow Cozy.     It has been a long time since Sunset Shimmer faced a situation like this. A situation where she has to float up a series of silverware that is placed in a very neat and organized fashion. This used to be commonplace for her back when she was one of Celestia's gifted students. Now it's just nostalgic for her.     What is not so familiar to her, however, is sitting across to an elder filly who is wearing two bracelets with a bunch of silverware on them. The silverware can rotate around the bracelet and flip each item forward or back like a switchblade. It looks like a clever invention. Sunset suspects that Twilight might have been involved in its creation. Sunset kept flinching slightly whenever Cozy used her mouth to rotate the device or flip it, especially if the item in question happens to be something sharp.     “I must say, that is an interesting invention you got there,” Sunset begins with a grin, trying to break the ice in this room.     “Hmm?” Cozy asks while looking up at Sunset listlessly.     “Those . . . things on your hooves,” Sunset points out while shaking one of her own hooves for emphasis. “It's neat. I never saw anything like it.”     “Hmm?” Cozy repeats as she looks at the devices. “What? These things?” she asks while shaking each of them one by one.     Sunset nods as she floats her cup to her lips and drinks a few sips of apple juice. She speaks again only when she returns the cup to the table. “Indeed. Those look really handy. I dare say,” Sunset snickers a bit, “such things would be really useful in Equestria considering, well . . . you know. These stubby hooves we got.”     Cozy narrows her eyes at the devices as she says a bit bitterly, “Thanks. I'm sure my new 'mother' will be glad to hear of your approval.”     “Um,” Sunset's eyes grow a bit smaller, looking spooked. “is something the matter?”     “Oh, nothing!” Cozy continues bitterly as she aggressively saws at one of her pancakes with a fork and knife. “Why would there be? I got freed from stone, and now I'm the adopted daughter of one of the most powerful mares in all of Equestria! I sleep in a castle, I got a royal bed made of clouds. Everything is great!” Cozy concludes aggressively.     “Honey, what's wrong?” Sunset presses.     “Nothing, that's what!” Cozy spat back. “It's none of your business.”     Sunset droops her ears on her head as she said, “Well, you have the other Cozy's memories, so you know you can trust me. I told her that she could come to me if anything bothers her, and now-”     “So what if I'm the only pegasus in the whole room at mother's dining meetings!” Cozy interrupts with annoyance as if she did not hear Sunset a moment ago. “So what if I'm the only one who needs to use these things? So what if the other snooty unicorns regard me with disdain as if I were a common barbarian? These things I wear are like a badge of honor! It is proof, to me, that I am not like them. I'm smarter than all of them! I actually worked and earned everything I have received!” Cozy suddenly looks depressed and deflated. “Including the bad things.”     Sunset did not move. Even the fork with a bite of pancake on it floats off to the side near her face. She just continues to regard Cozy numbly.     “Unicorns always had it easy!” Cozy continues bitterly. “They can just float the silverware they want to them.”     With small eyes, Sunset regards the floating fork beside her, then floats it gently back to the plate with a sheepish grin as she looks back at Cozy.     “That's why the unicorns tend to be the most educated,” Cozy declares in anger as she pounds the table on the word “that’s”, then goes on to say, “They can float the quills. They can write elegantly while the rest of us are forced to use our bucking mouths or some device attached to our hooves, like this.” She shakes the utensils on her hooves for emphasis. “The rest of us ponies need such things because we're hoofycapped! We're lesser than unicorns are! We have to struggle without magic.”     “Hey, that's not true!” Sunset objects. “All the breeds of ponies have their own advantages. You can fly, for example! That's amazing!”     “And King Sombra can take over the minds of everypony he meets with his Fear Curse!” Cozy adds bitterly as she looks across the long table at Sunset. “Do you really want to challenge me on this, Sunset Shimmer? Do you want to compare notes?”     “Um,” Sunset pauses as she looks spooked, then asks, “is that why you tried to get rid of all magic in Equestria long ago?”     “YES!” Cozy cries back in outrage. “I HATED the unicorns, and I still feel jealous of them! I can fly, Sunset Shimmer, and yet they still look down on me!”     “Who looks down on you?” Sunset questions. “The other Canterlot elite? They look down on everypony, Honey. Not just you.”     Cozy squints one eye at Sunset bitterly as she theorizes, “I bet you were just like them, too, back in the day, weren't you?”     Sunset almost denies it. She opens her mouth to do so, but then pauses. She looks down as she thinks back, then looks back at Cozy as she admits, “Yes. You're right. I did feel a strong sense of entitlement back in the day, and why not? I was chosen by Princess Celestia herself as her most prized and gifted student. Everything was handed to me back then, and it did go to my head. Because of that, I made a lot of mistakes later on down the road.” She looks off to the side with regret. “But I can't blame everything on my upbringing. I was, and still am, responsible for all the choices I made in life. I made some pretty awful ones sometimes, and I paid the price for it.” She looks back at Cozy earnestly. “And I will work every single day for the rest of my life to make up for that because that is who I am now! That is the woman I have chosen to become!     “And what about you?” Sunset reflects. “Are you happy with the choices you made?”     That shut Cozy up. She looks down at the table with renewed depression.     “Looks like the answer is no,” Sunset observes. “So how about we make a deal? Let us both acknowledge that we're not perfect and made a lot of mistakes. Let us both learn to see past those weaknesses and move forward with our lives as we work towards something more positive. I,” she places a hoof to her chest, “am the last pony who is going to judge you for your mistakes, Cozy. I hope you can do the same for me.     “Besides, it's not my fault. I was born a unicorn! It's just who I am. Magic will always be a part of me, no matter what world I choose to live in.”     Sunset Shimmer smiles a bit as she looks down and to the right. “It was a humbling experience to live in a world that mostly lacked magic. Using magic became my core identity at one time thanks to my training here in Canterlot, but,” she looks back at Cozy, “I had to adapt when my situation changed, and I think I'm all the better for it. I'm better for it because the experience forced me to realize who I am and what magic really is at its core. It's fueled by our emotions, Cozy, so on a very deep and important level, magic is formed and shaped from our very souls . . . and Cozy, since you cannot deny that you have one of those as well, then you should conclude that you also have magic. We all have that very special spark in the universe that makes us who we are. We are all unique and very special individuals.”     After a long pause between them both, Cozy sighs, takes off her utensil bracelet, then pushes her plate away with a hoof.     “I'm, ah . . . not hungry anymore,” Cozy says in depression. Sunset is startled to notice some tears creeping into Cozy's eyes. “Unique and special individuals, you say?” Cozy smirks with a look of bitter emptiness in her eyes. “I was born into slavery. My life was filled with pain and torture from day one, but I had enough ambition to help make up for it. I swore to myself that I would never be that powerless again!”     Sunset swallows hard. Her spooked expression returns to her face.     “But . . . all my plans availed me not,” Cozy goes on with a tighter squint to her eyes while her tears continue to rise. “First I get trapped in Tartarus, and then . . .”     Cozy's face wrinkles with pain.     “Oh Sunset, it was so horrible!” Cozy's voice cracks up at the end of that sentence. Her emotions start to cloud her speech. “I thought I'd be trapped that way forever!” she wails on. Her voice continues to be scratchy. “Never moving. Never blinking. No company. All alone. Still for all eternity.     “Now I am free outwardly, but I am broken inside. I'm afraid to do anything because it might offend somepony like my mother, and if that happens . . . that awful fate could be mine again. It does not matter how often she swears she'll never do that to me again. She did it before, so I can't believe her. I can’t afford to give her the benefit of the doubt. That fate was just too horrible to take any chances.”     Cozy pulls all of her legs on her seat and curls into a little ball.     “At first I tried to act tough because I was determined not to show any weaknesses, for anypony who did so where I grew up was sure to be preyed upon. I even did that to my counterpart, but then she showed me her life, and I . . . I couldn't deny it anymore. We are both cursed. I'm free from stone as a broken mess, and she is trapped in a perpetual nightmare.”     Cozy lays her head down on her gathered legs and bawls.     “Maybe it would have been better if the two of us were never born!” Cozy wails. “Our true talent and destiny appears to be sah-fer-er-er-ing!” Cozy stutters as she breaks down.     “Oh Cozy!” Sunset cries sympathetically, tears in her own eyes. “Just . . . just stay there, Honey! I'll be right there!”     Sunset magics her seat back, gets on all four of her hooves, then gallops around the very long table. Midway through, she is actually panting, then complains, “Wow! This is an annoyingly long table!”     When Sunset finally arrives next to Cozy, she immediately pulls Cozy into a hug. Cozy is too broken and desperate to give any sort of resistance. She just continues to bawl over Sunset's shoulders while squeezing Sunset with feeble but otherwise desperate strength.     “Cozy, I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to make you better!” Sunset vows. “You and your counterpart both. I do this because I love you both. You're a part of my life, and I will not let you down! Things will get better. I promise.”     Cozy just shivers in pain and continues to cry.