//------------------------------//
// Errands: Frenemies Closest 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

"When you say you're going to Las Pegas, you mean...?"

Trixie sighed. "Trixie longs for the stage, Dan and the stage longs for the Great and POWERFUL Trixie!"

"Before the stage files a restraining order," Spike muttered.

Trixie was busy packing her wagon for the trip. Dan, Spike and their new 'friend' Kent had found her at the start of Mane Street near the entrance to town, almost ready to leave.

"Alright, well, before you leave, I need a couple things from you," Dan said.

Trixie closed the wagon door and turned to him. "Trixie is not going to help you murder anypony, Dan."

"GAA-wait, how did you know I was going to ask that?!"

She turned, spread her cape wide and proclaimed, "The grrrrrreat and powerful TRIXIE knows a-" Dan covered her muzzle.

"You've been asking everyone to help you kill Rice since you got back to Equestria. You don't need... whatever magic Trixie has to find that out," Spike commented. He decidedly wasn't a Trixie fan. The small dragon loved Twilight and was fiercely loyal to his friends, whom Trixie tormented. She also took over the town with the Alicorn Amulet, an event Spike had not forgotten. He was a bit more protective and stubborn than Twilight.

"Fine. Go to Las Pegas," Dan said, turning his back to her. His sneer twitched, which was a bit abnormal for him. His usual sneer was constant, furious. Any movement would be the vibrations of rage which rhythmically radiated from his core, not erratic twitches.

"Thank you. Don't forget to write to Trixie!" She returned to loading her wagon.

"What did that have to do with the assassins?" Spike asked. "Did you just want to come here to ask Trixie to help us kill Rice?"

Dan's eyes perked at the sound of the word, "Us?"

Spike shook his head. "No. No no no no, I did NOT mean I was going to help you."

"Dammit."

"You'd have better luck with... hey, where's Kent?"

"He was right here just a minute ago. Weren't you keeping an eye on him?!"

Spike shrugged. "I don't even know why you invited him along with us! We're supposed to be running errands!"

"We ARE running errands!" Dan shouted. "I want to talk to everyone in town and find someone to help us kill-"

"To kill Rice Grip, yes Dan, because that's the ONLY thing that matters to you," Spike folded his arms.

"He THREATENED THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS TO ME!!" Dan said. He paused. Spike turned back around again, but the two of them said nothing. Dan panted, fuming with anger as usual. It was easy to see him as selfish, especially when he was so narrowly-focused, so single-minded. But there was almost always a method to his maddened-ness, even if it was behind revenge. Or if revenge was behind the method.

"I... kinda felt the same way about the Alicorn Amulet, to be honest," Spike said, claw at the back of his neck. That calmed Dan down instantly. "I mean, there's just a lot of dangerous stuff and... it feels like we could be handling things better."

Dan nodded, rubbed his chin. "Well, the Amulet's back in Canterlot now, if that makes you feel any better. But we need the orange guy back!" He suddenly broke into a run and was around the corner.

Spike followed him. And just around the corner, they found Kent.

"Oh *squee*," Spike said.

Kent was lying face-down, not moving. Dan bolted over to him.

"Kent!" He knelt down beside the man. "Oh my god, they killed Kenty!"

Spike looked up at Dan. "Really?"

Dan stared back at him. "He's orange, his name is almost Kenny, he died randomly. What do you want from me, Spike? I'm not made of stone."

"Are you made of terrible references and poorly-timed jokes?"

"Also anger," Dan added. "And yeah, that does sound like my life. But humor is more than just perfect timing; it's also levity in stressful situations. Now help me take off his pants."

Spike face-clawed. "You're looting the body?!"

"Spike, Rule Four."

"I don't wanna go through the rulebook againnnn..."

"Spike," Dan reiterated sternly. "Rule Four."

Spike sighed heavily. "Rule Four: Waste nothing, everything has uses, also loot all corpses as soon as danger has passed."

Dan wrote the book on corpse looting. Literally. Due to disagreements with his publisher, editor and the Oxford Dictionary, he had not published it. Currently, the original copy of the book sat in Chris's house in California in a desk drawer sandwiched between two outdated phonebooks and a half-eaten bag of cheese puffs. Dan had given Chris the book to proofread but like that bag of cheese puffs, it was not something Chris was going to get around to any time soon.

They both knelt over him, Spike on his left and Dan on his right. "Do we even know what killed him?"

A third head knelt over him. "We were wondering that, too," was what the Sith Assassin would've said, had he/she/it had the capability of coherent speech still. But all that came out of its respirator was "Hizzzzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaasssssh."

"AAAAAAAAHHH!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"Haaaaaaahhhhssss!" Dan and Spike leaped back as the assassin brought his quarterstaff down. But it never touched the ground.

"I'm not dead!" Kent shouted, pushing the staff up as he raised from the ground.

"HE'S ALIVE!!" Dan shouted. "Look, Spike, Kent's alive! Or a zombie- wait, Kent, are you a zombie?"

"No!"

"Then Kent's alive!! Isn't this awesome, Spike? Spike?" Dan turned but Spike was gone. Another assassin was holding up the tiny dragon.

Kent ignited one of his lightsabers and skewered the first assassin with ease. The creature crumpled to the floor like it had been made of paper and quickly evaporated into a red cloud of gas.

"Put the dragon down," Dan ordered.

"Haaaaaahhhs."

The assassins didn't speak a language Dan understood, or Kent for that matter. And the latter was familiar with Sith.

The Sith on Equestria had been refined by the planet's magic to their purest form, like everything else. With the peon acolyte assassins, the pursuit of power by any means necessary resulted in many of them losing their ability to speak. Corrupted by the power they sought, they were more like snakes than men, vipers that struck from the shadows, operating on more of a collective hunger than anything else. Either that or, the masks from the Trayus Academy made it hard for them to talk.

But Dan noticed something about the assassin. "Wait... is that a stick?"

"Hisssh?"

Dan walked right over to him, confusing the shit out of the evil bastard. "This is a stick." The assassin tried to raise his quarterstaff but Dan just grabbed it out of his hand. The quarter staff was a poll that could retract into itself, made of lightweight metal similar to construction material. Originally, the assassins' weapons were forged from the debris of ships from Malachor V and this particular staff was no exception. To Dan, however, it was just a stick.

"You try to kill me and the best you come after me with is a stick?"

"Hsssshh-hsssssss." Several more Sith appeared out of thin air. One of them was on four legs and hooves, but the same black outfit and helmet with red eyes. A pony was among them, a unicorn. Its horn protruded from its mask, a pale grey thing that glowed red.

"There are PONY Sith now?!! Aaargh!!" Dan growled.

"They're still only armed with sticks," Kent reminded him.

Dan grinned. "I like this guy!"

"The two on the right are mine." Sabers drawn, he approached the stick-wielding intruders.

"I'm liking this guy more and more every minute!" Dan exclaimed. "I'll take the other two!"

"It's not usual Dan celebrates someone coming back from the dead, so..." Spike tapped his claw to his chin. Did Dan really like Kent or was he just saying that? Another of Dan's sayings was the time-honored, 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' And really, it didn't get much closer than invisible assassins who could be standing right next to you without you knowing it, so maybe now was a good time to put that into practice. Intentionally or otherwise.

The Sith Assassins, pony, human, alien or otherwise, did not leave remains when they fell. They dissolved into clouds of reddish energy, returning to whatever source of darkness had spawned them.

"We need some way to disrupt their invisibility," Kent said. "They're not detectable on any of my HUD settings."

"Yeah, I remembered one of the assassins said that before we got back. They're using magic AND technology combined to disguise themselves, stay invisible and all sorts of crap," Dan said. "Fortunately, I happen to know somepony who's an expert at that."

"Are they at the grocery store by chance?" Spike asked. "Or is it Berry Punch?"

"Close!" Dan said. Actually, it wasn't close at all- it was Vinyl Scratch.