//------------------------------//
// Chapter The Eighth 
// Story: The Equestrian Refugees 
// by InspectorSharpWit 
//------------------------------//


Chapter The Eighth, Or "In Which I Get Mercilessly Pestered"


Let’s see here, if the defendant pleads guilty; he’ll only get a few years of parole, but it’ll ruin his reputation… But, if we fight the case and lose, he gets 5 years on top of his damaged public image- A knock on my door interrupts my train of thought. “Who is it?” I call from my desk.
Fluttershy meekly pokes her head through my office door. “Um, Sebastian? Are you busy right now?”
I smile at her. “Nah, I’m just sifting through some legal work. What do you need, ‘Shy?”
She nervously walks in the room and sits down in front of me. “Well, um, first of all. Thanks for showing Mackie and I how to-”
“Don’t mention it, Fluttershy,” I chuckle nervously.
She blushes furiously. “No, I mean it! We really have been intimate much more often than—”
I sigh in exasperation. “It’s fine, I don’t need details. What were you going to ask me?”
She blinks a little before regaining focus. “Oh yes… well, um, would you mind too much if… if… if Mackintosh spent the night here?”
I raise an eyebrow. “What happened to Mac’s place?”
She suddenly takes on a look of guilt. “Um, well, we were there last night, and, well, um, Applebloom… well… sh— she caught us—”
“HE CAN STAY, HE CAN STAY!!” I interrupt loudly. “Just, please, lock the door.”
The pink-haired girl squees in joy, “Thank you!!!” Suddenly, as if deflating, she resumes her quiet, shy state. “I mean, we’ll try not to be a bother…”
I groan. “You’re welcome. Feel free to start making me my lunch.”
She smiles a little and leaves me in peace. I rub my temples and resume looking the case over. Now, the wife says she’ll testify, but from what I can tell the jury isn’t going to—
“Hey! Open up!!” demands a tomboyish voice outside my door. I turn to find a certain rainbow-haired speedster hovering outside my window. My third-story window.
“Dash, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” I whisper urgently to the winged girl. “You’re gonna get caught!!”
She gives me a smirk. “Not if you let me in, I won’t.”
I sigh and let the girl into my office. “What do you want, Dash? I already told you, I’m not going to go into further details with whatever kind of crazy shit you and Soarin’ want to do.”
“Pfft, we figured it out last night,” she says dismissively. She floats lazily over to the chair once occupied by Fluttershy and props her feet up on my desk. “No, I just want lunch.”
I roll my eyes. “What does that have to do with me?”
“See, I don’t exactly have money, and I don’t feel like going out looking for a job, so—”
“Yeah, yeah, Fluttershy’s making lunch now. Just go over to the kitchen.”
She fixes a wicked grin on me. “Thanks man! You know, you’re pretty fly. For a human, anyway…” She lowers her eyes seductively. “You know, Soarin’ and I still owe you… Maybe you could come over to our place and, well, you get the idea.”
I give her a deadpan look. “I’ll think about it,” I say bluntly. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.”
She smirks. “Spoil sport.” With that, she walks brusquely out the door.
I sigh. Finally, peace and quiet. Now, if we ask him to reveal his bank records, we might just be able to—
“HI SEBASTIAN!!!”
I jump out of my chair at the sound of the shrill screaming. Above me stands a pink, poofy-haired harbinger of destruction, complete with an ever-present grin. “Wow, does being a lawyer mean you get to work on your back?” she asks excitedly. “The Cakes would NEVER let me do that, not since the accident with the minotaur and the chicken and the electric banjo! Do you think I could be a lawyer someday, Sebastian?”
I groan as I rub my head. “Maybe, Pinkie Pie, if you weren’t so noisy!”
Pinkie gets a comical look of realization. “Oh yeah… I’d have to be quiet in that room made of wood and with the mean looking guy with the white wig. Never mind! Mrs Cake promised I’d never go back there if I was a good little filly and stopped playing with matches!”
I don’t want to know, I don’t want to know, I don’t want to know… Despite the horrible thought of Pinkamena Diane Pie with matches, I force a grin. “What can I do for you, Pinkie?”
Her eyes pop back open and her smile slides back on. “Oh yeah! I was wondering if you had seen Gummy anywhere!”
I raise an eyebrow in surprise. “Gummy escaped?”
“Well, not really… Joey just accidently flushed him down the toilet!” she explains cheerfully.
Figures, I think to myself, Donut Joe must have been the victim of a Gummy attack again. “Look Pinkie, I don’t know why your boyfriend would flush your alligator down the sewerage pipe, but how the hell am I supposed to know where the little reptile is?”
“Because you’re a smart guy!” she smiles.
I smirk. “Be that as it may, I’m not a psychic. Go ask Twilight or something. Right now, I’m busy.”
“Okey-dokey-lokey!” she chirps, and she skips out of my door.
How did she even get in here? Never mind: Pinkie Physics. Anyways, the more I read this, the more I think pleading guilty would be the—
“Umm, Sebastian?”
I catch myself before I scream at Fluttershy. Breathing out, I try to relax. “What do you need, ‘Shy?”
She blushes. “Oh, umm, if you’re too busy, I can come back later…”
I just shove all the files off of my desk. “Forget it, I’m telling this idiot to plead guilty, just tell me what’s going on.”
“Umm, well, lunch is ready… If that’s ok with you, I mean.”
I smile at her. “Thanks, ‘Shy. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“Umm, it’s really best if you eat it now…”
“Don’t worry, ‘Shy, I said I’ll be there in a—”
“COME AND EAT NOW!!!!” she demands.
“Yes ma’am,” I squeak.
She gives me a sweet smile. “I hope you don’t mind, but I invited a few friends over.”
“Nope, don’t mind at all!” I chuckle nervously.
We both walk out of my office to see that my apartment is occupied by Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Big Mac, Applejack, Twilight, and Rarity. “It’s about time!” laughs Applejack. “I was near starvin’ tah death, but Fluttershy wouldn’t let us chow till you decided tah show up! Ain’t you ever heard that too much work ain’t good fer yah, boy?”
Big Mac raises an eyebrow. “Yer one tah talk.”
“BUUURN!!” crows Rainbow Dash. “Nice one, Big Mac!”
Applejack just rolls her eyes. “Cain’t we just chow over here?”
Fluttershy squeaks in embarrassment and flutters off, coming back tray in hand. “Here it is everyone: lasagna. I hope I made it right…”
I take a deep whiff of the immaculate dish. “Shy, this is great! How’d you learn to cook so well?”
She blushes hard and hides behind her curtain of hair. “I pick up a few things…”
Big Mac nods in appreciation. “Yah hit it right on tha dot this time, darlin’!”
A harder blush. “Oh, you’re just saying that…”
We all eat the culinary masterpiece quickly, polishing it off with some cider that Applejack was smart enough to save from Equestria. Afterwards, I find myself, through some dark-magic fuckery, discussing my eyebrows with Rarity. “I mean, they are absolutely immaculate, Darling!” she praises. “You should cut your hair to show them off more!”
“I’m sorry, since when were eyebrows such a big deal? I mean, they're literally JUST hair above your eyes!”
Rarity looks somewhat offended. “Oh, but they are so much more! When shaped correctly, they are indicators to the soul, emphasizing every emotion with a graceful curve!”
I roll my eyes. “If you say so. Still, I’m not cutting my hair! I like it long!”
Rarity gives me an exasperated sigh. “Please, Darling, work with me! It is my sworn duty to bring out the best in people, regardless of gender, species, sexual orientation, or—”
“Uh, Rarity?” asks Twilight awkwardly. “Can I talk to Sebastian? In private?”
She stops, surprised for a while, before a sly grin pops onto her face. “Why yes, of course… Let me just leave you two… alone.”
I watch her as she leaves in a fit of giggles. “What was that all about?”
Twilight blushes faintly. “No idea. Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about our final exams.”
I do a facepalm in self-loathing. “Ugh, I forgot to plan it! Sorry, Twi’, it looks like we might have to wing it.”
This idea seems to horrify her. “‘Wing it’? We don’t ‘wing’ exams! We plan them, we write them down, we—”
“Eh, don’t worry, Twi’! It’s going to be a… practical exam!”
She looks up at me curiously. “Practical exam? How?”
I smile slyly at her. “You’ll see…”