So I saw Twilight a couple of days ago and she was pretty pissed from the time I got there to the moment she practically ripped my head off when she told me to leave for the third time. That being said, I think I know Twilight well enough to see the real problem, even if she didn’t want to talk about it outside of the occasional harsh grumble about what a shithead her brother was. Of course, I’d tried to boost her mood while I was there, but my lavender little lover wasn’t having any of my usual shite. That’s probably what got her to snap at me, but it’s not like she was purposefully being a cunt and she apologized shortly after anyway. She still wanted some time to herself with everything that was going on, so I ended up bringing Spike over to get him out of that miasma she was practically permeating.
Little Bruv was a little downcast for the first few hours when I brought him over, but some casual bullshittery and a promise to not snitch either of ourselves out saw Spike blowing smoke rings better than I could. I won’t say what we did to fill the time or lift the mood, but the next morning held a voracious kind of vibe. After eating every egg I had along with cheese and an onion and a half, I asked Spike if he was still hungry and he was. So was I, so we went out to get some breakfast and shop around. We actually got food at Blossom’s and Bloom’s, then turned around and got muffins and shakes at Sugarcube Corner like, an hour later, then we loaded up on snacks while we were still in town. I had Spike send a note to Cherry telling her that he was being great and that I’d happily have him over whenever she needed some time to herself.
With Spike by my side and sending my notes, Twilight didn’t really have much of a way to write a legible note back, but she still managed and asked that she get just a little more peace and quiet while she steadied herself. My reply was written thusly:
Dearest Love,
I’m totally gonna steal your lil’ bro. When you and I get married you’re gonna have to share anyway, so hell yeah. Dibs on being Spike’s Best Man when his wedding comes along.
I wasn’t expecting much of a reply and was actually a bit surprised when Twilight just sent back ‘I love you’ and left it at that. Spike wasn’t exactly upset. It’s not like I found it to be a negative in any way and I liked Spike, so it was perfectly fine by me. Especially since he could keep up with my appetite and had a lot of great snack suggestions. Much of the day we actually spent socializing was fuckin’ lovely, and I couldn’t say I’d enjoyed my time with many people half as well. Y’know, even if we didn’t actually talk all that much and mostly just crammed food down our gullets in between cracking jokes.
We got our shite put away for the time being when Spike requested that we swing by Sweet Apple Acres, which… Uh… Wasn’t really on the list of stuff I wanted to do, but it was some shite I needed to do, though I didn’t think that Spike needed to know about why I was hesitant to return. He surmised that it was an Applejack thing and I let him think that the entire way there. It wasn’t really important and I didn’t plan on getting him involved, but I didn’t think I had much of a choice when I saw Granny and Bloom knitting on the front porch. Spike was ecstatic and rushed off without me, calling for his girlfriend just as she noticed him. Bloom was out of her seat in seconds. They met up and I passed them on my way to Granny, not bothering with ruining their little reunion to go and face the music while it played.
Or so I thought. “We missed ya the past couple a’ weeks, Sonny. Thought I mighta scared ya off.” Granny drawled, cackling as she gestured to the wicker couch-thing.
“We both know I overstepped my boundaries, no matter what my intentions were. I thought it best to give us all some time-”
“I wouldn’t start this off with a lie, Max. Don’t think it’d reflect too well.”
I nodded and sat, seeing that she clearly didn’t need to watch what she was doing to maintain her pace. “... Once bitten, twice shy. Wasn’t too excited to have another harsh truth shoved down my throat.”
“It wasn’t true. Not all of it, anyway. You’re smart enough to know that, Sugar.”
“...What my head knows and what my heart feels aren’t always the same. Still, I’m sorry-”
Granny waved it off. “Max, if you weren’t the stallion you are, I’d have chased ya off myself, then and now. I don’t doubt for a darn second that there ain’t a whole lot in the world you wouldn’t do for Bloom. Any of my Grandbabies, honestly.” There was a glimmer in her eye as she smirked at me. “... Really, Sonny, ya got as much right as any to want that love you can only get in your home. That love that makes it seem so strange that ya thought you’d ever be fine on your own. You have it here, and there ain’t a whole lot that I could do about it if I even felt a reason.”
I nodded. “... Thank you, Granny-”
“That bein’ said, you owe me dinner.”
“Do I have to go and get my own stuff to make it?”
She raised a brow while Apple Bloom and Spike carefully approached the porch. “I have a funny feelin’ you ain’t got no clue how to make cornbread.”
“I don’t have a clue how to make much of the food you do, to be honest.”
Granny tucked her needles into the thing she was working on, a devilish smile coming across her face. “Then it’d be a good time to learn then, huh?”
I just chuckled and followed her inside, catching up on the things I’d missed over the past few days, wondering where Applejack and Macintosh were for a few seconds before I remembered that the Spring Heat still wasn’t quite over. Cheerilee would be plenty enough to keep Macintosh busy from what I remembered of his words, and Berry Punch was probably sucking the time out of the day with her ‘magic’ liquor. Meanwhile, I could hear the showers on the other side of the house and knew that AJ was taking care of some stress therein, so that answered my unasked questions.
After I came to my conclusions, Granny and I got into the kitchen with Spike and Bloom joining us a few minutes later while I was getting schooled in the most culinary of ways. It wasn’t long before Apple Bloom found her nerve and approached me, but I gave her a hug, kissed the top of her head, and mussed her mane up. She pinched me, so I shoved her and we got into it shortly before Granny whacked me with a spoon and told me to pay attention. The old lady also told Bloom to either tell me what she wanted to say or get out of the kitchen, so Bloom scrunched her face up and resisted the urge to huff since it was Granny we’re talking about.
To save her some trouble, I went ahead and said, “How was being grounded, Bloom?”
She lifted a finger and let it drop. “Well… A few more chores in the day ain’t never done too much to hurt nopony, and I kinda feel like everythin’s been gettin’ easier faster than ever… Not leavin’ the farm makes life real simple.”
“Really simple, and what about school?”
“Summer break, doofus.”
“I’ll show you how much doof is between us if you keep it up.”
“What’s a doof?”
Granny whacked me with the spoon again. “Oi! I’m watching!”
She shook it at me. “You missed the fourth fold!”
“You don’t fold pie crust four times! You only ever do three!”
She made a ‘not bad’ kinda face. “Huh, guess you were watchin’.”
“Mhm, whack-happy over here, aren’t we?”
“I can give ya another one.”
“Let’s not and say we didn’t just to keep things honest.”
She nodded, but Spike and Bloom had been told to scat, so they did indeed. Granny and I actually got pretty far into making dinner, talking and chatting all the while until our next passer-by came in the form of Applejack. She looked pretty relaxed when I saw her come in. “Hey, Apple Bottom, I smooched Granny and got her to let me come over again.”
She rolled her eyes. “Hardy-har-har-”
“Them lips might let lies loose like no other, but stars above, are they ever limber~” Granny purred, winking at me.
I bounced my brows and stroked her arm. “Like you didn’t pick up a couple fun tricks over the years-”
“Hey,” Applejack said flatly. “I don’t believe it for a second and it’s just weird. Can y’all stop?”
I looked at Applejack and wasn’t surprised when I got smooched by Granny because AJ wanted to be difficult. Granny patted my cheek when she pulled away and said, “Ain’t gonna make no liar outta me, Sugar.”
My friend and I locked eyes and I shrugged. “Not as tart as I’d thought it was gonna be.”
AJ nodded. “Granny, you’re a cradle-robbin’ colt-snatcher.”
“I’ll snatch that hide of yours!” The old lady finally cackled, clapping softly.
Her granddaughter just sighed because there wasn’t much else that she could do about it. “So everythin’s okay? Ain’t no bad blood, right?” Granny had turned back to the stuffing we’d been making and looked over her shoulder. “Granny, no. We ain’t goin’ there.”
The eldest in the room just hummed. “Didn’t say nothin’~”
AJ’s cheeks went a bit rosy and she just shook her head. “Anywho, where’s Twi?”
“At the library. I grabbed Spike yesterday and he’s with me tonight too, so-”
“What?” Applejack asked, her brow immediately furrowing.
I chuckled at her and went to get back to helping with dinner when I realized that Granny was giving me a funny look too. “What? You guys act like I’m not Twilight’s boyfriend or something.”
“That ain’t it, Sugar…” Granny’s voice was a little quieter than usual, but she seemed more amused than anything.
“Guess it’s just a surprise that Twilight trusts you more than anypony else I know of. Spike usually don’t stay with nopony other than their parents for long. Not for more than a night, at least.”
I shrugged. “Call it brotherly bonding time or something.”
AJ chuckled and came over for a hug, letting us launch into the stuff Spike and I had been keeping ourselves busy with until we both got a note from Twilight. However, Applejack’s note had a golden royal seal while mine seemed to be from both Luna and Sunbutt. AJ was a slow reader and all that, so I managed to skim through the first paragraph of my note before she probably even got to her second sentence. That being said, the dual-seal had been on mine for a reason and it was because Celestia sent me a note that I was going to have to respond to. Apparently there was a wedding involving Twilight’s brother and that was the specific reason her mood had shit itself like a dysentery carrier after a meal with Mary Mallon. Who he was getting married to was apparently a surprise to anyone other than us, so I needed to keep my mouth shut for some stupid reason. Applejack tried to chat me up about the wedding while I was writing a response, but she didn’t keep it up too long when she saw that I could’ve been much happier about the news.
Luna’s note was just a personal, friendly check-up and I figured I’d write her back when I had more time. In any case, Celestia asked if I really needed to tell Twilight who the bride was or if I was just trying to be an arse. I let Celestia know that her former student and surrogate daughter was so distraught over the news that she hadn’t told me the specifics of why she was upset and that I’d more or less nabbed Spike to keep him out of her bad vibes. Princess Dumb Cunt insisted that I respect Shining Armour’s wishes, but uh… I don’t fuckin’ like that guy, so I told her it was a favour and that didn’t go over too well. I had to take my leave from the farmhouse for a second, but Celestia was there before I even got away from the porch.
“Okay. What is it?” She asked bluntly.
“... What?”
“What is so far up your ass that you continue to be this difficult?”
“Oh,” I snorted. “Why do you want me to let Twilight be miserable so you can hit her with a surprise that’d be better off boosting her mood right now?” Celestia glared at me and I rolled my eyes.”Y’know, before she can work herself up to being pissed off about it? More pissed, I should say.”
“Max-”
“Celestia, what is your problem lately?” She stared at me. “Seriously, Luna and I are doing fine. Me and Noir? Better than ever. Was wondering why Cadance wasn’t writing back as often, but still. Plenty cordial. You are officially the only one who gives me bullshit besides like, Rarity right now, and again; Twilight could use the good news. She slapped the daylights out of Rarity and Fluttershy a few days ago-”
“What.”
“Rarity baited Spike into watching her and Flutters get their fingers dirty. They both knew he was there and Rarity slapped Spike for peeping, despite Sweetie Belle doing the same thing.”
“... I see…”
I shrugged. “Just doesn’t make any sense to let Twilight be miserable when we can solve one of the problems she’s most concerned with, yeah?”
Celestia’s face grew stormy, but I couldn’t really foresee her lashing out at me. “... I see.”
I spread my hands. “... So…?”
“Don’t tell her until tomorrow.”
“And?”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “And?”
“What’s your problem? What’s with all the heavy-handed shite lately?”
She sniffed and turned away from me. “... When’s the last time you wrote me for anything other than business? Or to nag?”
“I stay pissed off at you, Celestia.” Her expression showed an ounce of some kind of ache, but I wasn’t done. “Honestly, can you not understand why I don’t want to talk to you?”
“... Max, I-”
“Celestia… You could have got rid of me and lied to Twilight as long as you wanted. You could’ve told Twilight a version of the truth I couldn’t touch.” She shrugged. “What’s the point of all this? Because it’s not the fact that Twilight’s a little more informed than she was, and it’s sure as fuck not because I kicked Blueblood’s arse, so what is it?”
“... Max…” She rubbed her temples before folding her arms. “... Am I not allowed to be bitter? To be the slightest bit upset that you traded me for a woman I had so much to do with raising?” I lifted a brow and she gave me a look. “Max, get real. You are leagues above most of the Ponies in Equestria mentally, and the only reason you ever seem less mature than a Pony three times your age is due to your own efforts. Realistically, you’re a filly-fiddler.”
“... Bitch, you’re fuckin’ kiddin’ me.”
“Barely, Max. Barely,” She replied, completely serious. “You may be younger than Twilight, but your capacity to handle what life throws at you is so far beyond most people’s, not just Ponies, it’s… Impossible. Luna herself chided me for being with a man as young as you, but Max? News flash?” She spread her hands and pursed her lips. “Even some of my coldest, hardest, most blood-soaked soldiers have nothing on your ability to get over it. What is ‘it’? It is, and that’s all that matters.”
“So- Basically you’re mad at me now because I’m dating your adopted daughter while having tried to…? What? Make me into a father figure for her or something?”
“It’s that I consider you a fair match when it comes to wits more so than most, Maximus. Someone who can trip me up has no business with a mare Twilight’s age with so much room left to grow…”
I flicked my fingers off of my forehead. “‘Kay then, quit bein’ a bitch about it and we’ll get back to friendlies, yeah?”
She took a deep breath and sighed. “... Max, this sucks.”
“I’ve noticed, yeah.”
“... Is that truly all you have to say? The sum of your frustrations in three words?” She stared at me while I calmly regarded her. “... Don’t you miss me at all?”
I pursed my lips and looked down. “... It’s hard to miss a love that rarely felt real, Celestia. Looking back on our time together…” I shook my head, eyes on the ground. “... Can you honestly tell me that you miss fighting every other time we saw each other? Never feeling heard? Never being able to give all of our trust to each other?” She met my gaze, but there weren’t tears in my eyes, nor an ache in my heart per se. Not so much as a ringing emptiness. “We were together, Celestia, but we made each other miserable… As much as we understood each other and as much as we came to learn in time… No, I don’t miss what we had, and you can’t expect me to.”
“Then what should I expect, Maximus? Tolerance blanketed in niceties? Should I expect you to lose your patience and strike out at me? Should I…” She rubbed her forehead and the mask fell. The shell cracked and she let me see that her pain was real. “... Should I give up hope of having the only stallion I’ve respected, hated, loved, cried over, and laughed with in the same day back in my arms? Or… Do I try to sway you toward me? Because I know now that I can’t buy you. That to have your love would mean more time than I reasonably have to spare-”
“Dreams,” I answered simply.
“... What about them?”
“I have a decent amount of control in the mindscape and it translates decently into the dreamscape. You yourself have had plenty of time to learn the ebb and flow of dreams yourself.”
She nodded, holding her elbows. “... Then…?”
“We’ll meet up and go from there, Celestia, but we both know that this shite has to stop.”
“You mean your blatant treason in public?”
“I mean you pushing me to commit it. The Rarity shite was stupid both times. The Crimson shite was fucking. Stupid. Whatever strings you’re trying to pull; Knock it off. We’ve already been over your excessive involvement in my day-to-day. You’re still pulling that shite.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, because you didn’t warrant any of it.”
“Rarity.”
“If you’d worded your letter with less hostility-”
“After nearly being raped by someone you told me was safe, yes. Continue.”
“... Fair enough, but… What did you do in Mexicolt with Crimson, Max?”
“Ride in a wagon that smelled like licorice, watch him go into a building, and see his arse get the fuck out of there without saying a word or giving me any warning. Guy didn’t tell me much other than that he needed someone with my infiltration skills at some point and that it was pseudo-Operative type stuff.”
“You know what he was really doing, Max. Don’t play with me.”
“The less I know about the drug scene of not-Mexico, the better, Celestia. I know Crimson had his hands in shite he shouldn’t have, but you know damn well I wouldn’t even be under suspicion if I was trying to pull something stupid and big.”
She opened her mouth, her brow furrowed, then rage exploded across her face as I gave her my most shit-eatingest grin. “How did you-” She calmed for a second. “All of them, Max. All of my damn-” Celly got pissed again instantly. “My best lingerie, you absolute shit!”
“Nah, I did your shoes.”
She’d been pointing at me, her face falling. “How- Max… Did you literally take the time-”
“To glue a pebble into all of your shoes? Yes. When? Don't worry about it. How?” She snapped her fingers and pointed at me. “Tch, wouldn’t you like to know?”
“Do you know how many hooficures I got before I realized my shoes were messing up my hooves!?” I went to answer and she cut me off with, “Several! Several hours of sitting and having my hooves filed, you unmatchable asshole!”
“Quit fuckin’ with me.”
She pinched her fingers together and appeared in my face. I was promptly flicked in the nose. “Behave, and I just might.”
“You first, Grandma.”
She snorted. “In any case, Cadance has made little effort to mention you in the details of her wedding, though I know she invited you some time ago.”
“Kinda. She said there was gonna be an event in Canterlot and that she wanted me there a month or two ago, so I’m guessing it was the wedding.”
“As am I. Otherwise you’ve infuriated her and shouldn’t go at all.”
“Well, now I’m going twice just to see if I can get both results.”
Celestia rolled her eyes, giving me a smile that faded until it was barely the ghost of a grin. “... When can I see you?”
“Tonight, if you can manage to sleep through the excitement.”
“I think I’ll manage, but… Max… It’s kinder to just tell me now.”
I nodded. “If it was how I felt, I’d just say it.”
“And just how do you feel?”
“I feel like nothing good is going to come out of trying for romance again too soon.”
Her smile came back, as warm and genuine as any other she’d shown me. “Then we’re on the same page. Take care, Max, though I would still prefer that you wait to tell Twilight that Shining is marrying Cadance. It would make her feel better, but I have a feeling that Shining himself wants to be the one to tell her.”
“... How fuckin’ hard is it to write a fuckin’ note?”
“He’s been busy-”
“Sucking cock and being a shitty brother, apparently.” Her brows raised. “Look, I don’t have any siblings by blood, but Maxwell and I kept each other informed whenever we were fucking off on our own. You’d think that a guy could at least send his sister a brief message about getting engaged, or y’know, introducing them prior to the wedding.”
Celestia blinked and nodded. “... Shining is a bit of an ass, isn’t he?”
“Totally, but I already knew that.”
“... Well, I warned you, and I think that’s as fair as I need to be. As for Shining, I think I’ll be having a word with him about keeping in touch with his family.”
“Can I-”
“Would Twilight say yes to whatever you’re asking?”
I scoffed. “If I twisted it the right way, yeah.”
“Then no, Max. I don’t need an exact answer to just say no.”
“Killjoy.”
“Lunatic.”
I shrugged. “You liked it more than my stubbornness.”
“I… Can’t deny that and be completely honest at the same time, so I’m going to leave. Good evening, Max.”
“Good evening, Sunbutt. I’ll see you at midnight tea, yeah?”
She smiled again, but unlike before, the warmth was replaced by a hint of apprehension, like she was nervous about the meeting or something. I didn’t react to it since there were wiser things to do, but when she was gone, I rejoined the women of the Apple Family and Spike for dinner, getting chewed out by Granny for not helping with the latter bits. I tried to use Celestia as an excuse, but Granny gave me the stink eye and I just apologized anyway because the food smelled great and we were more or less waiting on Granny to let us eat. Fortunately, the old bird had mercy on me and dinner at Sweet Apple Acres was as cozy as always. We’d hardly skipped a beat. Granny and I flirted from time to time to mess with AJ, though Spike and Bloom spent most of their time giggling while AJ just rolled her eyes when she knew Granny wasn’t watching.
Dessert was being served when Applejack asked, “So uh… What happened the other day at Fluttershy’s?” She looked at me and Spike as she cut the cherry pie.
Spike glanced at me and I waved it off. “Rarity’s not a good person and Fluttershy’s forgetful. Rarity dragged Fluttershy over to the Treebrary after she slapped Spike for nonsense. Twi reminded Rarity that Sweetie Belle did the same thing Spike did and didn’t get slapped for it, so Twilight passed out some slaps to even the score and set the record straight.”
AJ had been serving as I’d been talking and sighed. “Yeah, sounds about like what Flutters said. More their fault than his.”
“I’d say so, yeah.”
Spike nodded along and picked at his pie while Applejack looked at me, giving me my piece. “And what’d you say about it all?”
“Ah, Rarity thought she was going to try and intimidate Twilight, but she got chucked and Twilight herself took care of business. Honestly, I wasn’t the reason to be afraid in that one.”
“Ooo, I don’t think I ever seen Twi that riled up.”
Granny nodded. “I’ll say. That filly’s just shy of bein’ sweeter than sugar and Rarity done proved to be downright rotten. Woulda been better if Twi punched her-”
“Granny,” AJ chastised.
The eldest normal Pony I knew shrugged. “Just bein’ honest, Jackie.”
“I know, but you told me not to say stuff like that, remember?”
“Yeah, and I also told you to pick up in your room-”
“I did that before I came to dinner.” Applejack beamed at her.
“And the stills?”
“This mornin’.”
Granny nodded and rubbed her chin. “... And the dried-”
“Right after the stills, Granny.”
AJ practically preened as her Grandma smiled. “Well, well! Looks like you’re on a hot streak!”
I was tempted to chime in, but Applejack carried on with, “I ain’t been doin’ too bad, but Bloom over there’s been absolutely acing’ all her chores! I ain’t seen a speck a’ dust nowhere in the house!”
Bloom blushed while AJ and Granny lauded her efforts and good behavior while I just reached out and rubbed Spike’s shoulder, smirking at him the entire time until he chuckled and brushed my hand off. “I get it! Man, you act like book reports are hard or something…”
Granny responded before I could. “Ew, they had you doin’ book reports?”
“Big time, and Spike? I never knew he had such a talent for relaying and simplifying information. His reports read like fiction, but with facts!”
Spike quietly clicked his claws together as Applejack said, “Shoot, if you’re sayin’ that, then it’s gotta be worth a read. Who knows? Maybe Spike takes after his big brother~?”
I chuckled and nudged him, noticing that he was struggling to restrain a prideful smile. “Honestly, I think so. Might just be wishful thinking, but Spike’s style is closer to mine than Twilight’s-”
“Whoa.”
“I know, right?”
Apple Bloom and Spike shared their own little look while the old people dug into their desserts, chatting about the various ways the pair had gone above and beyond while being under punishment for their stupid stuff. Apple Bloom had really stepped up around the farm and Spike himself had been dealing with… Stuff. A lot of shite in general that should’ve made him stumble a lot harder than he had, and I couldn’t really quell the pride I felt for just knowing him and the amount of growth he’d undergone in recent memory. Eventually Apple Bloom and Spike fucked off to go work on some project they’d left alone during their groundings. Granny passed the fuck out in her chair like, five minutes after she, Applejack, and me had alighted to the living room. AJ carried Granny off to bed so she wouldn’t wake up sore from sleeping upright and the old gal hardly stirred after being picked up.
AJ came back and sat on the couch, so I joined her. There wasn’t much space between us, but I figured we were going to chat about something relatively important anyway. “So how have things been since the last time I visited?”
“Ah, not too different, to tell the truth. Big Mac was a little salty that you got lippy with Granny, but that’s mostly ‘cause it actually did somethin’ other than tick her off and get your hide tanned. Took a little bit of explainin’ to get him to realize that you only went against Granny for Bloom.”
The little smile on her face was a touch mocking, though the reason for the look was lost on me. “What’s that cheeky grin for? It’s like you expected-”
“I expected Granny to slap ya and tell ya to mind your own darn business, Max. Took guts to look her in the eye when she was already simmerin’ and say ‘no’.”
“Mm, yeah, just don’t ask me to do it again. Bloom’s a special case-”
“‘Cause she’s still a foal in your eyes.”
“... I would say that she’s more like a preteen or something to me, but yeah, basically.”
“Little sister you never had?”
“Definitely. If I look out for Spike, why wouldn’t I do the same for Bloom?”
Applejack rolled her eyes, her lips curving into a relaxed, assured grin. Those glittering emeralds of hers pierced through whatever lies I was apparently telling myself, making me wonder what her observation was. “Didn't somepony tell Fluttershy that meddlin’ in other Ponies business was a no-no?”
“More or less, but I had better reasons for getting involved than she did. She eavesdropped and snitched me out only to try to tell me what to do with my life. Apple Bloom was going to be the only one catching licks for Sweetie Belle’s bullshite, so it just didn’t strike me as fair.”
“And after a while, it didn’t seem right to nopony else either. Bloom’s old enough and responsible enough to be past them days of needin’ some spanks to reinforce a lesson. Plenty smart enough to learn without beatin’ it into her,” AJ chuckled, nudging me with her knee. “Honestly, if you weren’t my friend, I wouldn’t mind tradin’ places with Bloom to have you at my back-”
“Firefly, I’d do the same for you in a heartbeat. You know that.”
“I do, but I’m just sayin’ that it’d be nice to have a big brother as open-minded, but still as carin’ as you. Not to take from Mac or anything, but the guy’s not the most broad in scope, y’know?”
I shrugged. “Neither am I, in some aspects. I just have my moments.”
Applejack scoffed and pushed me, getting pushed back because that’s how it works. “Still, Max… You struck up an awful lotta nerve comin’ here, knowin’ how the Apples operate, and still lookin’ Granny in the eye and callin’ her out. Things’ve changed a bit since then, Twinkle. Changed for the better.”
I cracked a little smile. “Glad I could help with that.”
“... You know, Max…” Applejack chuckled. “For as difficult as ya can be, you sure are somethin’ else. Half-ass, half-amazin’ sometimes.”
“It’s a part of the charm, I swear. To tell the truth, though, I was half expecting you to jump down my throat at some point.”
“I mighta if I wasn’t scared a’ Granny. She said to leave ya alone.”
“So you were planning on it?”
“‘You walking worm-bed’?”
I sucked air through my teeth, knowing why I’d lined that shot up. “... She didn’t have to say I was just pretending…”
AJ rubbed my arm. “She was tryin’ to hit ya where it hurt most, Max, and she knew she was in the wrong for that one. I may not like that ya came at Granny like ya did, but I sure as hay know that you’d never do it unless you didn’t see another way to get that point across.”
“I really didn’t, but still… She wasn’t wrong.”
She rolled her eyes and smirked at me. “Just ‘cause you’re not blood doesn’t mean you’re not family, Max… I’d go over why you’re a good guy and all again, but if it hasn’t sunk in by now, it probably ain’t gonna.” I shrugged since she wasn’t lying. “That being said, you’ve done a lot for us, Twinkle, and all ya ever ask is a warm meal and a drink, which we always got. If you get it like this, then I guess I’ll say that you put in your time and effort. Done showed us in your way that ya care and that ya love us right back. Took a little bit to see that you weren’t tryin’ to buy your way in, but that’s just because you just throw money at the stuff ponies want because nopony did that for you.”
“Still sounds like I was trying to buy my way into the family-”
“Which if ya didn’t make the deal that ya did, it woulda seemed a lot more like it.”
I bobbed my head from side to side. “Still, I’m racking up all this liquor and I can’t even drink it…”
“Might as well say that you’re just keepin’ the reserves at this point.” AJ chuckled and shook her head. “You get what I’m sayin’ though, right?”
“Uh… That I put the work in, so I can steal your name without having to marry you or Macintosh?”
She blinked. “You wouldn’t marry Macintosh, and I don’t think I’d let ya even if ya wanted to.”
“What if his arse is-”
“What if your arse gets a hoof?” She pulled me to her and put me in a headlock.
Thanks to Noir, it wasn’t exactly hard to escape, but Applejack was adamant about keeping her hold on me and we ended up on the floor, wrestling to pin each other to the ground. AJ apparently had plenty of experience from holiday events in the past, but I was a slippery fuck before coming to Equestria and Noir had only taught me to get better. That being said, Applejack and I were both ticklish and we both knew it, so she tried to make me surrender whenever she could get my free hand, but it’s not like I was going to make it easier on her. We might have had poor aim from time to time, though it wasn’t on purpose. At least, we didn’t let our mishaps linger. No, it was more or less like we were fucking with each other until Applejack managed to get both of my wrists and mount me, both of us panting a bit from the exertion.
“Whew! I swear, you done picked up some wily tricks since the last time!” She chuckled, smiling down at me.
I snorted, stuck since she had my arms above my head and my hips pinned to the floor. “And you’ve been getting stronger, yeah?” She rolled her eyes. “I’m serious! You just control it really well these days. You were going easy on me the entire time!”
“Tch, it’s not like I was gonna go whole-hog when you were just havin’ fun yourself. I got a funny feelin’ I didn't getcha because I’m just that good.”
“I mean, I was having fun. Like you said, no reason to go all try-hard.”
“Speakin’ of-”
“Oi, it just happens.”
“Mhm, sure.” Applejack looked down at me, amused.
Reading her face told me that she was waiting for an answer, but there wasn’t really anything beyond her usual soap in her scent, so I didn’t think she was after anything. “Seriously, sometimes the sound of the toaster going off gets him going.”
“You usually woulda said somethin’ about movin’ at this point.”
“I figured you would’ve if you cared at all.” She shrugged, leaned down a bit, then nipped my nose. “Oi! The time for nose-nipping was months ago, Jack Off!”
AJ chuckled along with me and let me up, giving me a hand after she stood. “To put it plainly, it’s not like we ain’t been a lot closer than that, and you smell really good.”
I took a second to think about it. Then I sniffed myself. “I haven't done much if any sweating today, and I think I forgot to use cologne.”
“It’s a little smokier than usual. Almost reminds me of Spike.”
“Ah, then it’s probably because I’ve been around him pretty much all day-”
“Nah, last time I saw ya, I think ya smelled different then too.”
“Huh. Twilight hasn’t said anything about it.”
“Might not a’ noticed. Probably thought it was Spike like you did.”
“Little dude is blessed with that smokiness that lingers around him, I gotta say.”
We sat back down on the couch, but Applejack swung her legs over my lap and we chilled from there. “Well, Mister Chocolate and Cherries, I don’t think you’re in a much different boat.”
“Perks of being a different species, I guess.”
AJ and I talked back and forth for a while longer, but I was mostly just glad that I was in the clear with Granny and the Apple Family as a whole. Macintosh would probably want a word at some point, but the days when he thought he could swing on me and get away with it were long since over. The mutual respect between us had developed after seeing who the other man was away from Equestrian societal boundaries and it truly did seem more lasting than any amount of respect I got from anyone else. As a result, I wasn’t worried about him taking things too far, though I had a feeling there was plenty he wanted to say. Y’know, as far as he goes. Man still has a way of getting his point across quickly and with fewer words than most.
Spike and Bloom were busy being all doe-eyed over each other when AJ and I stopped by to see what they were doing. It was so bad that they didn’t even realize we were there. As I felt an important moment bubbling up between them, I led Applejack just slightly out of sight and we may have witnessed the first kiss between them. My heart melted for some fucking reason and I felt like I needed to go start a fire with nothing other than my bare hands and timber while AJ almost looked a touch sad. We fucked off to the kitchen to talk, though I was pretty much expecting what she had to say. Her little sister really was growing up, and while there was plenty of pride in her breast, that same pride was threatening to well over in myself. After supplying her with the phrase ‘nostalgic melancholy’, Applejack agreed that it was close enough. Bloom wasn’t the little knuckle-head filly she knew anymore and I had to admit that Spike really had come a decent ways in a short time.
We gave them about ten more minutes since I could hear everything anyway, meaning that there was going to be absolutely no fuckin’ funny business. When we came back, Spike and Bloom were making themselves into complete and total hypocrites. “Oi, if isn’t Mooshy and Gooshy, getting all goopy.”
Spike jolted and Apple Bloom slowly turned, both of their faces growing increasingly rosen as AJ and I chuckled at them. “You know y’all can’t do that with Mac in the house, right?”
I nudged her. “What do you think Granny would say?”
“Shoot, she still won’t let me get up to no good.”
Spike puffed a plume of smoke. “You guys are evil…”
“Nah, mate, we’re not exactly chewing you out, are we?”
Bloom sighed and Spike met her gaze with an apologetic smile. “Yeah, I think it’s time to go…”
“I been gettin’ faster with my chores n’ all…”
“Well, it’s not like we’re grounded, so… Maybe I could stop by tomorrow?” He looked at me, clearly aiming the question in my direction.
“I don’t see-” I facepalmed. “Oof, no, my bad. We got crap to do tomorrow, including Bloom and Applejack over here.”
They looked at each other, but Bloom was the one to ask, “What are we doin’?”
“Headin’ to Canterlot to help set up for a weddin’,” AJ answered. “I got a plus-one and I figured you might wanna go.”
I pointed at Spike. “It’s Shining’s wedding, which is why Twilight’s pissed off.”
“Oh! That-” His brow furrowed. “Wait… Why am I just now hearing about it?”
“Shining’s a procrastinating prick.”
“Oh. Okay… So uh… Who’s the lucky gal?”
“I’ll tell you when I tell Twilight. It’d be a little dickish to tell you before her.”
“... I see why she was upset.” He nodded slowly.
Applejack sighed. “Yeah… I forgot y’all had another sibling to be honest with you.”
Spike shrugged. “I haven’t seen Shining in a couple years, so…”
My brow furrowed. “... Spike, where did you go for Hearth’s Warming?”
“Uh…” He shrugged. “I spent it with Luna like I usually do.” The look I was giving him was apparently odd. “What?”
“I didn’t know you ever spent time with her.”
“Oh, we talk pretty often. She’s really good at doing…” He blinked a few times. “... Dream stuff, so she usually has a moment to stop by my dreams.”
Luna, you are so, so getting a cool present for your birthday. I nodded. “... Sweet. That’s actually really cool. Speaking of cool, though, it’s probably a bit chillier than it was earlier, so let’s get a move on, yeah?”
Spike and Bloom glanced at each other and spoke simultaneously. “One more minute?”
Applejack chuckled as I tried to avoid it myself, just walking away. “I’ll be in the living room.”
AJ followed my lead and waited until we were just about out of earshot to say, “They’re gonna be the cutest couple in town for a while, I’d say.”
“You’re right on that one. Gotta appreciate that spark of young love.”
She nudged me. “Bring up any good memories?”
“Ah… Not really,” I admitted with a chuckle. “Dating wasn’t my thing in England, and the only real girlfriend I had…” I pursed my lips and snorted softly. “... We never actually broke up, but it still didn’t end well.”
“Whatcha mean?”
“... Maggie and I were strung out on coke when we were together. I got us off the shit and stopped for the rest of my time on Earth until I picked it back up here. Back in England, though, Mags just moved onto something just as bad, if not worse. Eventually, I put my foot down and told her to stop using of get the fuck out. She fucked off and I never saw her again.”
AJ knew I didn’t need the empathy, so she pulled a me to the max. “... You know I still think it’s kinda crazy that you like table cocaine, right?”
I started giggling at that. “And you get high off of table salt! Lord, imagine ‘table coke’ being one of the hardest drugs you can get your hands on and salt just being a seasoning like pepper or something. That’s literally what I deal with whenever you crazy Pony-People throw nose candy on your food.”
“Nose- Ugh, wouldn’t that make your face all numb?” AJ asked, giving me an amused, though worried look.
“It’s better than setting your face on fire with salt, dammit!”
“I mean, I ain’t sayin’ I don’t know ponies who’ve done it, but they were salt-sniffers down the line anyway.”
I nodded, making a curious noise as Spike rounded the corner. “Did anyone ever say anything about how it felt? Snorting table coke?”
“Numbness and kinda weird, but other than that, they just blew their noses and complained about it from time to time when they had to get another tissue or somethin’. I think the only reason anyone did it twice was because of the numb-face thing, specifically for a fight.” Her brows bounced. “Lost anyway, so it was kinda pointless.”
“Huh, sounds about right, though.” I nodded toward Spike. “You ready?”
His toothy grin was all the answer I really needed, though he responded anyway. “Yup! We should probably go tell Twilight who Shining’s marrying, though.”
I thumbed my nose, thinking about it. “Celestia told me to at least wait until tomorrow, so we’ll drop her a note when we get back with a promise of some ‘good news’ and swoop by in the morning. How’s that?”
He shrugged. “Good enough for me. Bye, Applejack.”
“Later, Spike, and keep it to smoochin’, buster!” She pointed a finger at him playfully, trying to look serious. However, my giggling made her giggle and she whacked me one as a result.
“Oi! I was just giggling because you said ‘buster’!”
“Mhm.” My orange pal rolled her eyes. “See y’all later, and be careful on the way home, alright?”
“See ya, AJ,” Spike chimed, still smiley as all hell.
I got us started, taking off with a quick wave. “Later, Firefly.”
Spike and I wandered off back to my house, but due to the private nature of the Com-Man-ucation we did, I’ll skip what he said. I still let Spike know that growing up was happening faster than he thought, but he wasn’t exactly upset about it. Having him so happy after knowing that his last week and change had been so bad was just… Nice. It was actually fucking lovely to see the guy eager to face the next day and whatever it held for him. His cheer and positivity made the walk a lot less cold. Even if home wasn’t far away, it was still nice to have Spike take the chill out of the night. My house wasn’t empty when we got back, though it’s not like too many people could pull one over on me. I could already hear Twilight inside from the stoop and a bit before that. I was happy to have her over, but I had a funny feeling that she was going to need hugs, kisses, and some time to vent about her inconsiderate brother.
We strolled to the living room and Twilight smiled a bit when she saw us, looking pretty much fine. You know, other than the fact that she wasn’t smiling as wide as she usually did when she saw Spike or myself, which I sought to correct. However, I didn’t get to lead in with any jokes since Twilight mostly just wanted a hug. “Hey… I would’ve written a note before I just dropped in, but….”
I gave her a good squeeze. “You’re fine, Cherry. My home is yours, and all I charge for rent is kisses.” She giggled and laced her arms around my neck, still not seeming to be prepared to shake the clouds that were hanging over her.
The kiss was as necessary as the next breath and those that would follow after it. Twilight’s smile was definitely more genuine when I let her pull away, so I didn't immediately go in for another. “... I love you, Max.” She shot Spike a less weighty look while still grinning a bit. “And I love you, Spike, but I think I tell you more often.”
Spike chuckled as I answered. “I love you too, Twilight, and I think you’ll enjoy the news I have for you more than you’ve enjoyed the last couple of days.”
“Well, I could really use some good news,” Twilight replied softly, giving my arm a little squeeze. “Spike, have you given Max any trouble?”
Spike grinned back at her. “We had to leave the house because I set the pool table on fire.” Twilight rolled her eyes and chuckled. “But no, it’s actually just been… Snacking and talking, mostly.”
His big sister turned her gaze to me, her brows slightly furrowed and her grin a bit too tight for my tastes. “How much snacking?”
Uh… Fuck, Plan B? “Keep giving me that cute little look and I’ll nibble on you for my next snack~”
Twilight giggled again and patted my arm, sitting down shortly after. I joined her in my loveseat and she cuddled up to me while Spike took the recliner he usually sat in. “So what’s the good news, Amour?”
“Ah, I think you’ll be happy to know that I’ve met your brother’s fiancé,” Her mild smile faded quickly before I followed up with, “and she told me all about you in your younger years.”
“... Wait, what?”
“You know who she is, Cherry.” She tilted her head forward, waiting for me to continue. “I’ll give you a hint~”
“I’d prefer a clear answer, Max.”
“You were really fond of her back before you started studying with Celestia~” I teased giving her a little nudge. At Twilight’s black look, I decided that my bed, home, and relationship were all generally better suited with her in it. “Cadance, Twilight. Your foalsitter-”
“Cadance? You-” Twilight’s brow furrowed and she raised a finger to her lips. “... Are you sure?”
“Well, unless Shining is an actual idiot and decided to throw away one of my top three favourite pen pals…” I shrugged, waiting for Cherry’s response, only to find that she wasn’t going to give one. “I met her maybe a day or so before Noir and I got introduced. If Cadance is pink with a tritoned mane…?” My girlfriend nodded slowly. “Yeah, she said she was engaged to Shining.” And she kissed me, but let’s not go over that one.
“... And you’re only bringing this up now!?” Twilight practically shouted.
I raised my hands. “I didn’t know you didn’t know, Cherry. I would’ve said something sooner, but Celestia also just got done telling me to keep it to myself until we leave to start helping with the shite.”
Twilight took a deep breath and huffed, folding her arms with her face stormy. “Of course you get to know before his own damn sister! If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times! Shining is a prick!”
I agree wholeheartedly, lover. “I’m sure he’s just been really busy with uh…” Twilight turned toward me, jaw squared as her eyes glistened. “Well, I thought he was takin’ it up the arse, but it’s not like he’s getting dicked down.”
“And it’s not like it takes that long to write a damn note! I can’t believe that- That- That uncaring colt cunt!” With Twilight working herself up again, I tried pulling her toward me and she tried swatting my hand away. “No, Max-”
“You’ve got two more minutes to be mad before I make you feel better, Cherry. Not a second more.” She prepared to launch into a rebuttal and I raised a brow. “Hm?”
Twilight point a finger at me, opened her mouth, then watched as I hooked both of my cheeks and stuck my tongue out at her, screwing up my eyes. “Pff- Max! I’m trying to be mad!”
“Mad goes with Max better than it does with Twilight. Terrific Twilight sounds pretty nice, right?” She tried drawing herself to her full height, but my little lover is still short, so I snaked my arm behind her back and leaned until my face was on her tricep. “Tall Twilight would be interesting to see, while we’re on the topic of you, though-”
“We’re not on the topic of ‘me’-”
“But I love talking about you and how great it is when you light up these dark, dreary nights with that warm, endearing smile of yours~” Twilight’s steam was rapidly abating, so I rolled further onto the couch to put my head in her lap. Her mask was already cracked, meaning that the boop I gave her chipped a few more pieces off. “Besides, you can tell Shining that he’s a cunt all day tomorrow. I didn’t get to see you at all today or most of yesterday…”
Apparently my approximation of her pout was more goofy than heart-warming since Twilight started giggling and didn’t let it peter out until I folded my arms and tried to give her a certain seriously severe stare. “Oh, stop it you goober-tuber! Aren’t I allowed to feel my feelings, Max? Aren’t mares allowed to be mad?”
“You’re allowed to feel your feelings, but you’re not just some mare to me.” She’d rested her hand on my chest, so I held it while she tried to resist the upward motion of those lovely lips. Frustrated though she was, I’d allowed her plenty of alone time to feel bad. A change of pace was overdue. “If you were just some mare, I’d make you mad myself. Instead, you’re my mare, so you’re not allowed to be mad for all that long.”
“Oh, whatever shall I do?”
“Shit, I dunno. Kiss me?”
“I’m not that flexible, Amour.”
Spike chuckled as I sighed and sat up, claiming my prize all the same. “You’re more flexible than you might think. That being said, I’ll be sure to let you know when I get engaged to you, just in case you’re not paying attention.”
Twilight giggled some more and hugged my arm. “... Thanks, Max.”
I kissed her temple because her brain was close to the mark, and I do love the way Cherry’s mind works sometimes. “Thank you for letting me put a smile on your face. I know it was for your benefit, but fuck, does it ever make me feel good too, y’know?”
She gave me a little squeeze. “Speaking of smiles… Did you two have a good time with… Uh...”
I looked at Spike and he nodded. Don’t ask why we knew what to say because we sure as fuck didn’t practice it. “Archipelago-Style Independent Bonding.”
“... What…?”
I nodded toward Spike and he launched into the brief list of shite we did together, though he left out the sheer amount of eating we’d done in about twenty-four hours. In any case, he was keen to rub it in Twilight’s face that I found his writing more interesting than hers, but he probably cared the most about it. In any case, when she tried to tell him to be more concise in his writing, I had to cut in and say that luring the reader into the message between the lines was a valuable skill that a lot of scientists just didn’t have and pointed out that Spike would probably be best suited to writing some kind of historical fiction. Twilight agreed since a fiction based on history meant that there would be real-life events and facts in his stuff. With that in mind, I challenged Spike to get started on something he thought would be fun to write for himself while not aiming it toward an audience. He understood what I meant well enough, though Twilight didn’t really understand the point of writing something for one’s own enjoyment.
In any case, Spike had an idea for a story anyway and wanted to dive into it then and there, so I showed him where I kept my blanks and told him to have at it. Once he got some juice and a Twilight-approved snack, there was no talking to him. It was great to see Little Bruv diving into the world of literature. It also meant that Twilight could pull me away without him noticing to ask if Spike had really been on his best behaviour. I let her know that keeping him busy had done a lot to curve that cheeky streak. She was happy to know that I’d had an easy time and asked how I felt about my time with Spike. It wasn’t hard to think of a solid answer. I love Spike like the little brother I never had, though I thought Twilight was already aware of all that. Maybe she just wanted to hear me say it. It didn’t really matter since Cherry’s mood improved as I was talking about bonding with Spike anyway, so I was sure to mention that I saw some of her mannerisms while hanging out with him.
Apparently Twilight was just waiting for the moment to point out that Spike tended to be more respectful toward her when I was around. It wasn’t a surprise or anything, but she seemed a little wistful about it. I figured that it was a bit of a pain in the arse to her that Spike was more willing to listen to me than he was to her. Personally, I thought it was more or less the fact that he saw me as a father-figure and Twilight as more of a sister. It was a bit odd to think about, but Twilight herself didn’t seem all that perturbed, even if I was getting there by the second. The rest of the night passed quietly, though I was sure to make Twilight eat something since she was a little dodgy when I tried asking her about her last meal.
We’d been on our way to bed when Twilight hesitated for a breath and sighed. “Hey… Max, can I ask you something?”
I’d just put on a loose shirt and turned toward her. Jokes were a lot less important than knowing what was on her mind. “Always. I’m sure you need an honest answer now rather than a quip or a compliment.”
She chuckled at that, clutching the hem of another loose shirt I liked to wear to bed. “I just… I just wanted to ask… Have…? Have I been too moody lately?” Her furtive glance in my direction wasn’t enough, so I waited until she was looking at me. The ‘Okay, you just said that’ in my expression was answer enough seeing as how she giggled. “... I should’ve known you’d understand… I just… I just can’t help but worry…”
I strode over and gave her the good squishums, which is automatically a step up from a normal hug. “Twilight, I don’t know what you could do to push me away, but I know for a fact that being upset for a good reason isn’t one of them. I love you, and it’s never a problem to clear those dark clouds on your bad days… As much as you mean to me, it’s more frustrating when you want to be left alone than when you’re upset, because I know I can make your day better.”
“And you do…” She hugged me back. “... Max, can I ask you something? Well, something else?”
“My ears await your inquiry.”
She nuzzled my chest a bit. “... Do you think we’ll ever have a foal of our own…?” Twilight looked at me, a certain light of determination in her eyes. “They don’t have to come from us, per se, but…”
… How do I tell you that there’s nothing in this world I’m more afraid of…? Nothing that makes my blood run cold like the thought of being like either of my parents…? “All things come in time, Twilight, and we might just get our chance… I’d like to be a little more married before we go on and do that, though.”
Her smile warmed the ice in my veins, but still. Twilight knew me better than most. “You’d be better than you ever thought you’d be, Max. As much as you pay attention, I think you’d be the first to know if you were being unfair, and the hardest on yourself for a mistake...”
“I know, but…” Twilight squeezed me a little harder before letting me go and taking my hands. “I love you, Twilight… I just…”
“It’s okay to be afraid, Max… There are some things that you just can’t laugh at.” She looked behind her and started tugging me toward bed. “One more thing, though…”
“Yeah?”
“Can I be the big spoon tonight?”
“Yeah, and why doesn’t matter, but I’d like to know.”
Her gaze found something I didn’t care to see for myself. I wanted her attention, but knew I had it all the same when she raised her fingers to her lips and murmured, “I… I just don’t feel like I can ever hold you tight enough… Everypony who knows me knows who you are…”
She accepted my embrace when I offered it. I hoped that I could at least help her sleep with some truth and positivity. “Shining isn’t the best at communicating, yeah, but I’m sure you’ve both got great stories of living together.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But what? Not all siblings keep in touch all that closely. Fluttershy and Pinkie rarely ever write or talk about most of their family and don’t ever mention them until someone asks. He’s still a fuckin’ prick, but try to see where the prick’s coming from, yeah?”
Twilight appreciated the compliment and snuggled me to sleep faster than I usually got there, though Celestia’s dream awaited me shortly after. I would go into detail about it if I cared, but it’s hard to say that I did. While I still love Celestia and all, it’s just… I don’t like her. I really don’t like Celestia or the facade she puts up to run her country. I don't like the woman she pretends to be around me, especially since she wants my love and isn’t willing to be honest to get it. It’s like she expects me to bow to her, but be her equal at the same time and that’s just not how a healthy relationship works.
Anyway, I got out of that dream and back to mine where I spent some time training with Noir. We actually had time for a cool down, taking a casual walk around the Whitetail woods and the outskirts of the Old Castle from her days. Beyond that, though, she was still being tight-lipped about the Blueberry Tart Conundrum. It wasn’t all that frustrating as I figured that it was just something I was going to have to learn for myself, though I did miss the woman. Despite having seen her relatively recently, I couldn’t help but want to spend more time with Blue and make up for being an arse half the time. That was weird in and of itself. Full stop.
When I parted from Noir, I actually got some blank-space sleep-time. Or in other words, I woke up a bit disoriented and started moving before I realized that Twilight’s arms were around me. Instead of rolling over to face her, I held her hands and felt as she stroked my chest. “Bad dream?”
Her voice had come out less drowsy than I’d expected, though the little yawn that escaped her told me that she’d either been awake for just a few minutes or had been awoken by my stirring. “No, no bad dreams. Just not used to sleeping straight out of the dreamscape these days.”
“Mmm… What are we doing today, anyway? I swear there was something…”
“Canterlot.”
“What-” She groaned. “Nevermind.”
“I’m sure Shining has a perfectly good reason for his dipshittery or something.” I pulled Twilight’s hand away from me so I could face her and get my morning smooch. “Something something, have I ever told you that you’re cute in the mornings?
Twilight nuzzled my chest and hummed happily as an answer. We snuggled for a few more minutes before I inquired about the first shower of the day. The answer I got was a surprise since Twilight invited me to pick our outfits for the day in exchange for letting her join me. It was actually kind of a double-plus for me since I got to coordinate our outfits according to my own tastes. Instead of having to go anywhere, the dark grey skirt and deep purple blouse I chose for her were already at my house. Twilight expected me to go with something different for whatever reason. I also surprised her by pulling out one of my only pairs of non-blue jeans and the button down that matched her blouse. A goofy smile crossed her face when I was clearing the outfits with her and Twilight mentioned that I had a pair of silk boxers that matched perfectly. I was quick to point out that she had undergarments that bordered on lingerie with an identical colour scheme and she burst into giggles, asking if that kind of stuff really mattered.
Of fucking course it did, so I explained it as needing to be dressed to the ‘nines’ if I was actually putting an outfit together. I was honestly a little surprised that she hadn’t noticed my propensity for matching every aspect of an outfit before. In any case, I got a quick work out in and Twilight decided to try and help me out by sitting on my back. While I would’ve rather had her sitting on my face, the extra weight helped me get more of my pushups in a shorter amount of time. On top of that, having her and her lips be the goal while I was doing crunches had me losing count more than once.
After preparing for the day and keeping Twilight’s mood somewhere between good and decent, we met up with Spike downstairs to find that he too was already showered. That, and he was nose deep in the book he was writing, occasionally giggling to himself while he stacked the word count at his own pace. The rest of the girls had evidently all got notes at some point if Applejack was any indicator, though I wrote Celestia just to make sure. We had an hour or two before we needed to start schlepping our arses to Canterlot, so I whipped up a quick breakfast and couldn’t help but chat with Twilight in low tones as Spike made it obvious that he had a new hobby. It was all too apparent that giving the guy a little impetus to flex his creativity was working like a charm, but that kinda sounds like it had a negative connected to it. I couldn’t really find anything wrong with Spike getting so deep into writing, though.
With Celestia confirming that the GalPals would be joining us at the train station, there wasn’t much left for us to do other than deal with Rarity’s bitch arse for the hour and a half it would take to get to Canterlot. Spike tried to write and walk on our way over, which was funny until he nearly fell. Twilight told him to cease his literary endeavours long enough to find another solid place to write, though it was easy to tell that he just wanted to get to the next part of his story. Twilight herself seemed to grow moodier the closer we got to the train station and even my usual brand of cheering her up was only getting the odd strained smile. I settled on holding her hand… In public… As lewd as I felt while doing it, it was… It was necessary, even if other people were watching from time to time…
Holding hands in public… Ponies sure are sexually liberated, I’ll say that much.
In any case, the meet-up at the train station was… Awkward. Considering that it hadn’t actually been all that long since Twilight took Rarity and Fluttershy to Slap City, Rarity was distant and Fluttershy obviously wanted to approach and clear the air. The problem was that Twilight was officially not in the mood to deal with that shite. Instead of letting the tension remain thick, I devised a plan to fix things. Of course, I didn’t tell anyone what my plan was, nor did I do much talking other than what was necessary to be polite. I waited until we were all on the train and in the same car to get started on what I called Operation: Maximus Nonsense.
While I was holding Twilight’s hand, I tried not to blush as I said, “Y’know, I never took you for a slapper, Twilight.”
She glanced at me, having had her eyes on the passing scenery prior to my casual observation. “What?”
“I never took you for a slapper. I figured you’d be more of a mare along the lines of a fur-loss spell or something of the sort.”
Her frown deepened. “Max, I don’t like hitting people…”
Rainbow chuckled from nearby. “Depends on why you’re doing it, if you ask me. If you’re just being a bully, then somepony should deck you in the face. If somepony was being a bully to you or a friend, then yeah, slug ‘em.”
Applejack pushed her lightly. “We ain’t talkin’ punches here, Dash, we’re talkin’ slaps. Honestly, Twilight is probably the second to last pony I’d ever expect to hit somepony.”
Rarity’s lips tightened and Fluttershy caught my eye, so I winked at her and she seemed to receive some kind of message. However, Twilight said, “It’s not like I planned on hitting anypony…”
Rainbow gasped. “Twilight, have you been dropping ponies without telling me!?”
“N-No, I-I just-”
“It was well-deserved…” Fluttershy answered in her usual soft tones.
Rainbow pumped her fist. “Alright! You gotta tell me what happened! Why did you of all ponies start swinging!?”
Pinkie chimed in with, “Ooo, ooo, I bet it had something to do with Rarity tricking Spike into peeping on her and Fluttershy~!”
Twilight rubbed her arm and looked out of the window while Dash’s jaw dropped. Rarity tried to formulate some kind of defense, but with Applejack and I both looking at her, she saw that it wasn’t worth the pain. Emotional or physical. “... I suppose I should apologize…”
Rainbow stared at her. “Rarity… What the buck?”
“It was a lapse in judgement-”
Twilight immediately turned toward her, daring her to lie. “A lapse in judgement would be forgetting that Spike was at your house after he’d been out of sight for a while. You chose to try and set my little brother up, Rarity.”
All eyes were on Rarity as she took a deep breath and nodded. “... There’s no point in trying to save face now. I was wrong. I was bitter... I attempted to lash out at a colt who’d done nothing to me, and truly, Spike,” She looked him in the eye, “I do apologize for putting you in that position and being less than the mare you’d know me to be. I had no right to do such a thing, nor would a decent mare orchestrate such a situation only to pretend to be the victim.”
He’d stopped writing when I’d started talking and nodded when Marshmallow Minger was done talking. All eyes were on him, so he just pursed his lips and nodded again after a few seconds. “Thanks for the apology and all, but I know you’re not a good pony, Rarity.” The look on her face was priceless before and as he continued. “At this point, I just don’t think it’s worth my time to… Spend any of it with you. Sorry.”
Rarity’s jaw could’ve hit the floor. Twilight looked like Spike had slapped her. However, it was… Odd that it was Pinkie who decided to speak up. “Wow… You know you suck when Spike doesn’t want anything to do with you.”
Dash, as opinionated as she tended to be, decided to put in her own two bits. “What about Max-”
“What about Max?” Spike snapped, surprising all of us. “Last time I checked, if Max asks me to do something, it doesn’t usually do anything for him, or I get paid for the effort I put in. Max gives me allowance for taking care of a house that isn’t even his.” The roof of the train-car was simply fascinating while I knew Twilight was looking at me. Odd coinidence “Last time I checked, if Max tricked me, we both laughed because that was the point in the first place. And yeah, I think we all know that Max wasn’t the nicest pony when he came to Equestria at this point. I think we all know, though, that most of the time? If Max is being a jerk to somepony, it’s because they did something first, and you know what?” He tucked his pen into his book and stared Rarity down, then looked at Rainbow again. “I think I’d rather have a decent pony tell me that they’re awful all the time than have a horrible, manipulative, greedy nag pretend to be a goody-two-shoes and blame others for the crap she pulls.”
“Whoa… Dude, I…”
Spike folded his arms, smoke occasionally pluming out of his nose. “You… What? You don’t think before you talk anyways, so just spit it out.”
He’s getting pissed. “Lil’ Bruv.” Spike looked at me, the muscle in his jaw working. “How’s the book coming along?” The heat in his gaze lessened a bit, so I went in for the kill and left Twilight’s side to join him. “I’m never gonna tell you how to feel, mate. You’ve got every right to be pissed to whatever level you feel necessary. That being said, you got your point across.” I rubbed his shoulder and he looked at his lap. “You’re alright, Bruv”
He remained silent and I heard Rainbow clear her throat. I looked in her direction as she spoke. Her gaze went to Rarity. “... So… Whatever happened to paying me for all those rush orders?” Rarity bit her lips and she nodded. “And I guess Spitfyre was telling the truth about those rumours in Canterlot… Huh?”
“... Rainbow-”
“Rares…” Dash grimaced, shaking her head. “It’s one thing to call somepony out for messing up, but it’s such a…”
AJ removed her hat to run a hand through her mane. “If Spike can see that you ain’t a good mare at fourteen, then you damn well shoulda known, Rares. All them times you wanted to have the moral high-ground, you ain’t never had the right.”
Fluttershy, probably being Rarity’s best friend in the group, tried to come to her defense. “H-Hey… Is- Is now really the time for this?”
Pinkie ‘hmm’d. “Well, it’s not like anypony ever waited to call Max out. If I remember right, didn’t we all break into his house while he was sleeping after I provided entertaining commentary on his diary?”
The fuck- “It’s a journal! A log of my-”
Fluttershy still tried to swing the topic. “Yes, but we weren’t exactly on our way to a wedding”
“Journal, just to be clear-”
“Then we talk about it when we get home,” Twilight announced, putting her hoof down harder with a single sentence than she could have physically. “And for the record? Anypony trying to call Max out for being a bad pony when he first came here? He’s not even from this world. I see Max when he’s trying his hardest to be a better pony and when he just does it out of the kindness that was already in his heart. Without trying.” She looked around, and I really wanted to leave Spike to go calm her down, but it just wasn’t a good time. “Considering that Max has been screwed over more by the mares in this car than by pretty much anypony else, how about we call a moratorium on the virtue debate? Or do I need to explain all the legal ramifications of multiple counts of assault, bribery, destruction-slash-vandalism and theft of property?”
Flutters was desperate at this point. “I-I think we know…”
Twilight nodded before looking out of her chosen window. “Knowing and experiencing it are two different things, Fluttershy… Just because there was no indictment doesn’t make the crime less than what it is in the books.”
… And yeah, that shut everyone up pretty well. I nudged Spike and got his attention, leading him over to Twilight so they could be salty in the same pot. From there, I eased into the desalination process by asking about the stuff they did when they weren’t defending my name and honour, which got chuckles from them. As usual, once I got the first laugh, the rest followed and I eventually launched into a tale about Maxwell and I trying to find weed for a weekend. Twilight asked why I’d cut down so much and I admitted that smoking consistently made my head a little foggy. Spike almost chimed in, but I asked how he would possibly have experience with Night Cap Nip and Twilight bought it when he said the smoke in the air made his head feel funny. She apologized for getting him second-hand high, though he wasn’t exactly worried about it since she rarely smoked outside of the basement or her room apart from her time with me anyway.
The rest of the trip passed quickly when I started roping people into some stories that had tangential odds and ends that could be tied back into my life on Equestria. Once I got Fluttershy on the hook, it was easy enough to patch the holes that were appearing in the bonds of the Galpals more and more often by the day. A little effort seemed to work, but it was slowly becoming clear to me that Twilight and Spike had been more influenced by my general attitude than I’d thought. It wasn’t a bad thing by any means, honestly. I really, truly appreciated the fact that they saw that there was a way to get your point across and kill a mood in the same swing. Making everyone cry was bullshit and the mediating I’d done from time to time with the girls was just… When all other people in the room are crying and one is massaging their temples, dry-eyed and annoyed, it doesn’t make for the best picture. It was best to just lay down some guilt and let the mood lift with a bit of levity.
Things seemed to have quieted down by the time we arrived in Canterlot. Rarity was properly shut-the-fuck-upped when it came to carrying her bags since no one offered to help her. We were only supposed to be in the city for a few days anyway, so there was no reason for her to pack like she did. That being said, the train station wasn’t as nice as it usually was. I could hardly see a thin film of a magic wall of some sort, making my stomach churn and lurch as we passed through it. Shit was rather deterring, but no one else seemed to feel much other than Pinkie and Twilight. Pinkie was a touch itchy and Twilight sneezed at the passing, but was otherwise unaffected.
I couldn’t remember Celestia mentioning a barrier, but she sent a fuckin’ note to me moments before we could get started in town. For one, the note was a missive of passage since a lot of Day Guards had been in Blueblood’s pocket one way or another and still hated me. That, and she explained a few things that Twilight ‘might not have’. There actually was a shield around the town since some kind of threat had been levied against the union of Cadance and Shining, though Celestia herself didn’t seem all that concerned about it. Apparently the threat was coming from the Gryphons, but Elfriede denied having any involvement, and my lack of knowledge basically cleared me of the guilt that had been burdening my name. The fuckin’ threat was why Celestia thought I was in league with Crimson; He’d likely been a turncoat to further the cause of whoever was attacking Equestria. Even the fact that I hadn’t ran or tried to avert letting him die was still a bit sketchy since it didn’t mean that there were sacrifices too valuable to make or anything. However, merely being annoyed by the barrier instead of being stopped outright finally cleared me of suspicion.
And told me that Shining hated my arse, but that’s coming soon enough.
With Canterlot being the size of… I dunno, to be honest. A pretty decent sized town, I’d say. In any case, there being a few kilometres between the civilian station we shouldn’t have used and the castle meant that I had to walk and read, which kinda sucked. We got stopped just as I put the damn missive in my pocket and it seemed more important to just keep it in hand after the second time. I’d been expecting it to a point, but Rarity tried to reason it away until Applejack pointed out that I was, for one, nobility. Two, travelling with all of the Elements of Harmony in a single group. Three, I was kind of a hero in my own right for beating up Blueblood, which they all knew about. A single shared glance with AJ told me that she knew what was going on. However, it was Pinkie that decided to act, for whatever reason.
As amusing as it was to see Royal Guards get waylaid and harassed by Pinkie, it was a damn shame that she had to run interference in the first place. Meanwhile, having so many eyes on me gave me plenty of reason to stay near Twilight and not go wandering off too far. Any time I spent too long around too many people, I wound up with new shite that I couldn’t keep. Speaking of new shite in general, Rarity and Fluttershy wanted to do some shopping in Canterlot and almost got their way until I spotted Fancy and Fleur. Twilight and Applejack reasoned that taking a break for everyone’s asides would leave us little enough time in the day, despite the fact that I knew that both of them were the types to work all night. It didn’t bother me terribly to not stop for my friends, but it was fucking annoying that Rares still disappeared and made us look for her all to shop for some bauble she didn’t need in the slightest.
With that pissing just about everyone off when she was already nearing the top of three people’s shit-lists, it didn’t seem like she was going to make much of an effort to change anytime soon. It didn’t help us take any less time in getting through the bustling city either, so that was just fuckin’ lovely for our rapidly-narrowing schedule. On top of having to look for her arse, Rarity wanted to walk slow as fuck and that slowed us down until I snapped at her and Flutters to act like they had an ounce of respect for the duties they’d been recruited to overlook. Twilight agreed shortly after along with Rainbow and Applejack, widening the divide against my better judgement. It was just really fuckin’ hard not to get salty with both of them having been the biggest time-wasters in the journey so far.
While it usually took about an hour to get to the castle from the civilian train station, it had taken damn near two with the amount of bullshite that had accompanied the delayed walk. It didn’t seem to matter much in the end since arriving at Canterlot Castle saw most of us getting in with no issue. The only problem was with the fuckin’ Guards. Both myself and fucking Spike were held up and apparently needed identification papers at the gate. Twilight was watching the entire time and…
Rarity and Fluttershy were soon made well aware of how lucky they were while Twilight was giving the most acidic, fiery dressing down I’d ever heard her give. In the middle of her diatribe against the integrity and overall dignity of the Canterlot Guard, Shining Armour appeared on the scene and said, “Hey there, Twily! It’s so good to see you!”
His sheepish smile was focused on his sister as she pointed at me. “Would you mind, Brother Dearest?”
Shining and I locked eyes and he scowled, but I was allowed through all the same. “Like I was saying, it’s really good to see you, Twily-” He tried again.
Twilight crossed her arms and glared at him. “I’m sure it is.”
Shining glanced around at the girls who were all looking away. “Okay, you’re officially mad at me now...”
“You don't say?” Twilight sneered.
“W-Wait, Twily, what’s wrong-”
“Oh? You don’t know what’s wrong?” My generally timid girlfriend asked, seemingly intimidating her elder brother. “Maybe what’s wrong is that my coltfriend knew who my brother was getting married to before I did. Maybe that would have something to do with it, huh?” She folded her arms and glared at the Captain of the Guard.
To his credit, he looked decently prepared to apologize, but then he led in with the weakest shite I’d ever heard. “Look, I’ve just been really busy-”
“Too busy to write your own sister?” I cut in. “Mate, you really need a better excuse. If you’re busier than either of the Princesses, I’ll eat my non-existent hat.”
“Who asked you?” Shining spat.
Twilight snapped her fingers in his face. “There’s my special somepony, so where’s yours?”
Shining recoiled. “Twily, he’s not your special somepony if he’s dating two other mares and doing who knows what with how many others!”
Cherry’s lip curled and I could sense another blow-up building. “So who am I sharing Max with again?” Shining opened his mouth. “Because it’s not Rarity and it’s not Fluttershy, so who again?” He closed his mouth slowly and Twilight leaned in. “Oh wait, Shiny, it’s almost like I would know better than you! Isn’t that odd? Especially since I personally introduced Max to you as… What now…?” She tapped her chin. “Oh yeah! My special-somepony! Oh, no, hold on, didn’t I tell you in two separate letters that Max and I are going steady?”
“Tw- Twily, I-”
“And, you know, since you read my letters,” Twilight gave him the most condescending smile I’d ever seen on her face, “then you must know about the lovely dress and hat Max bought for me that I was planning on wearing to your wedding someday.”
“They- They sounded great-”
“Except it was a choker and a bracelet, Shining. I know what Max does and who with because Max tells me. If I don’t ask, then he’ll just say it,” Twilight spat venomously, red flags cropping up in her body language, such as the trembling that had started going up from her hands. “Some ponies can actually manage to communicate!”
“... Oh.” Shining said, his face colouring. Something clicked. “Wait, you can't be engaged to this guy-”
“I’m not, we’re waiting on that, but I really don’t see how it’s really an issue to you. It’s not like you even care.” Twilight huffed shakily, her lips trembling.
I watched quietly while Shining tried to defend himself. “Twily, I really do care, but being the Captain of The Guard isn’t easy! I’ve been maintaining a shield over Canterlot for weeks now,” He winced, “and it’s really been taking its toll on me. The only reason I’m even getting through it is because of my special somepony-”
“Who I still haven’t met yet,” Twilight interrupted.
Shining sighed. “You know her personally, Twilight. I wouldn’t just pick up some random mare and not tell you about it.”
“That statement is so flawed, I’m not even going to touch it.” I pinched the bridge of my nose.
“Well, it’s not like you need to know-”
“Except I do, you’re marrying Cadance, and I knew months before your own blood sister, Shining Armour.” I looked him in the eye, rather unamused.
“That’s Princess Mi Amore Cadenza to you,” Shining snarled. “As far as my reasons go-”
I laughed at him while he was talking, having tried to hold back. “I’ll call her whatever the bloody fuck I want, mate.” Please try me. Please, I’m asking you as a favour. “And your reasons couldn’t matter much less! Come on! Do you not have five minutes? Or did you only get engaged after you started holding up this shield?” His little sister was giving him the shittiest look I’d seen on her face since she slapped Rarity, making me wonder if the next slap was coming
Shining shot me a dark glare that promised I’d pay for my words, but when Twilight snapped her fingers in his face again, he turned back to her. “Look, Twilight, I’m sorry that I haven’t been in touch, but protecting Canterlot is my sole duty right now. Here, watch this.”
He stepped back and his horn lit up with some pretty gay magic, but once it seemed to charge up, he released a beam of magic that went straight up into the barrier surrounding us, making it turn slightly more opaque. From what I could tell, it was just a basic enough shield spell, though Twilight herself lost some steam after seeing it. Shining winced again and put a hand to his head, grimacing.
Twilight winced right along with him. “So you’re the only pony holding this barrier up?”
“Yeah. There was a threat against Canterlot, so Princess Celestia had me ramp up security. I’m the only one who can cast the spell, so the burden’s been on my shoulders all this time.” But you don’t have any spare time. None at all?
“The fuck is Celestia, Luna, and the entire Institute-” I started.
Shining cut me off hotly with, “The Princesses have more important things to do than-”
“Defend their own capital?” I asked, tapping my chin.
Twilight pinched me, having switched sides for the time being. “I guess that would keep you awfully busy. Still, you should have told me that you were getting married at some point!”
“I know, Twilight, but I guess it just slipped my mind…” He said sadly. “If you’re that upset about it then I guess you wouldn’t want to be my Best Mare.” Bribery. Way to go, mate.
As I was hoping that my brilliant girlfriend wouldn’t fall for it, her eyes lit up. “Me? Your Best Mare? Shining, I’d be honoured!”
I sighed inwardly, disappointed with Twilight for giving in so easily. “I’m glad to hear that! I wouldn’t have anypony else anyway.” Shining grinned.
“But… It really is Cadance, though, right?”
He nodded. “The one and only.”
Twilight let out a breath, clapped her hands in front of her face and seemed to let it all go at once. She sighed again and started going on about the things she and Cadance used to do together when she was still a foal. Playing on swings, having picnics, walking around town fixing relationships with love magic: Typical Equestrian bullshit. While Twilight was practically bouncing around, Shining and I chuckled at her excitement, though when we heard each other, he tossed me a heated, irritated glare. I rolled my eyes and went back to watching Twilight, barely listening to her babbling since I already knew all of this. As Twilight was chanting something about Shining marrying Cadance, the candy coloured princess herself showed up.
“I hope I’m not interrupting something,” Cadance practically snapped, her tone more severe than I reasoned it should’ve been.
Considering what I knew of her and the tones she’d maintained from meeting her to marks on paper, Cadance was acting weird. I frowned immediately. The woman I knew wouldn’t take such a tone needlessly, and something just wasn’t right about the way she walked. Her stride wasn’t the same, and even her breathing pattern didn’t seem quite right to me. I gave her a little more attention and noticed that her gait wasn’t just different, but almost overtly hostile in the way she carried herself. In other words, she appeared to think that she owned the place along with legal documentation of everyone’s freedom being tied to her whim.
Twilight completely missed her tone and I wondered if she’d been talking out of her arse about me being bipolar for a second. “Cadance!” She rushed over to her and started doing a goofy little dance. “Sunshine sunshine, ladies bugs awake! Stomp your hooves and do a little shake!”
I bit my thumb to prevent myself from straight up laughing at her, though I heard a few snickers from the girls. Don’t get me wrong, it was absolutely adorable until Cadance looked at her like she was completely retarded. The sheer disdain that managed to slip through the pink one’s facade was… Uncharacteristic. “Right. What was that?” … The thing you told me you two did? I remember you saying… Something’s not right here.
Twilight ignored her tone again, but it felt like the Princess didn’t remember my lover at all. Twilight Sparkle, the closest thing to a little sister she ever had. Her favourite filly. The source of some of her favourite memories. Also, the topic of damn near four-hours worth of conversation. “Cadance, don’t you remember? It’s me, Twilight! You used to foalsit me when I was little!”
Cadance gave her yet another unimpressed, condescending look. “Uh huh.” Flag on the field.
She joined Shining Armour and lightened up considerably. Shining threw an arm around her and smiled like the idiot he was. “I’ve gotta go make sure Canterlot stays running, but Cadance will be dropping in on you and your friends throughout the day, so I’m sure you guys will have plenty of time to catch up. I think I speak for both of us when I say we’re happy to see you.”
“Absolutely,” Cadance replied, narrowing her eyes as she smiled deviously. I glanced around and saw more stupid smiles from just about evryone other than AJ, who seemed only slightly suspicious of her.
… You lot have got to be fucking kidding me.
Twilight gave her an odd look and Cadance told the girls where they needed to go. Spike was lost since he had to plan the bachelor party and hadn't even known what one was up until we’d been on the train, so Cadance told him to ‘figure something out’ like she didn’t really give a shit about what he did. With that in mind, I figured I’d help him out with that whenever I got a chance. Twilight scratched her head at the ice-cold reception she’d got, but she couldn’t really say anything at the moment. She eventually went to go check on the decorations and whatnot, but I had to stay by Cadance’s side on Celestia’s orders, much to my displeasure. Even if I was doing something boring, I would have rather been with Twilight.
I got to have a parting word with Spike, though it was interrupted by Cadance’s pissy, mingy voice. “Excuse me? Are we going anytime soon?”
Spike glanced at her and missed my lip-twitch. “Seems like a fun one…”
“Something’s off here. I’ll catch you in a bit, yeah?”
“Be careful, Max. She seems-”
“Um, hello? Are you coming?” I waved Spike off and took a moment to try and understand the stresses of a wedding. Then Cadance came up to me and snapped her fingers in my face. “Sometime today please.”
“Change your tone and I might,” I answered, my tone devoid of inflection.
Cadance stood up straighter. “We’re going. Now.”
I smiled tightly, trying not to snap right back at her. I did not succeed. “Cunt, did you not fucking hear me? I don’t know who the bloody fuck you think you’re talking to, but it sure as hell isn’t me.”
She put her finger in my chest and I was tempted to shove it up her arse. “Are you not my attendant?” My raised brow apparently wasn’t answer enough for her. “Well?” I leaned in and held her forearms, taking a deep, healthy breath. It was pretty much all I needed to be sure. Two red flags was more than enough for me to start scheming, though ‘Cadance’ was a bit freaked out. “... Did you just smell me?”
“I never get to smell your perfume these days. Shining’s been keeping you so busy that you don’t even reply to my letters, Caddie-Baby...” I intoned softly. “I understand putting up a front, but you’re starting to hurt my feelings, Sweet Strawberry.”
Understanding dawned on the imposter’s face as she shot me a little wink. “We’ll have plenty of time later, but for now-”
I clasped her hand, letting the lust flow through me freely to sell the act. A lie is only as good as the amount of truth behind it, and while I had the hunchiest of feelings that I wasn’t talking to my dear, beloved friend, she was still hot as fuck and seduction came easily to me. “I need you, Amore… It’s been so long since I’ve felt your embrace…”
She bit her lip and cast a couple furtive glances in either direction, seemingly cooking up a scheme of her own. “Well… We have a little time, Mack, but not much.”
THAT’S NOT ME FUCKIN’ NAME YA DUNDER- “An hour or three will be plenty~” I shot her a devilish grin.
The imposter smiled and led me by the hand for a bit before letting go and asking some general questions that more or less proved that she didn’t know who the fuck I actually was. For one, she bought it completely when I told her that I was back from an Operative assignment in Bridleland, and two, she thought I’d been nailing Twilight for years. The more we talked, the more assured I was that I had some kind of disguiser on my hands or a shapeshifter of some sort. Honestly, though, the biggest tell had been her scent. While I actually had missed Cadance’s perfume, it was for one simple fact that I did; It masked her natural scent of strawberry taffy, which I am not fond of.
For some reason, the scent that had lingered in every moment I’d spent with her and every letter she’d sent was replaced with something akin to white wine or sour grapes steeped in alcohol. In either case, he who smelt it shall indeed be the one who hath dealt it. As ‘Cadance’ beckoned me into a side-room that was clearly designated for her, I almost doubted myself for a second until I saw the smile she offered me. Cadance just wasn’t the type to flash someone a look that said, ‘Fuck me senseless’.
We stepped into the room and the lady had her actual attendants bugger off for a bit, leaving us alone. Having spotted the record player, I set the needle down on some smooth jazz and let the mood I’d been building within myself flush. ‘Cadance’ had been peering at me from the corner of her eye. “So, Mack… What is it exactly that you missed about me?”
I let the mask wear its sultry smile as I meandered over to her, touching and caressing the furniture on my way over. “That tender touch of yours has yet to leave my mind, Amore… The sweet softness of your lips weigh on my mind daily, even when I have Twilight in my arms.”
Apparently Ponies are still fucking stupid since the imposter thought that an evil grin was somehow seductive. She offered me her hand as I approached, allowing me far too much leeway as I began by kissing her fingertips, focusing on what I could see. “Mm, I can practically feel that desire rolling off of you, Mack.” It still wasn’t my fucking name, but I didn’t hesitate on my way up to her neck. “That… Naughty intent… With a taken mare…”
I laid a kiss on her jaw and prepared the trap to spring. “Are you regretting all the times I’ve taken you before?”
The imposter met my gaze ready, her horn beginning to glow with a sickly green colour. “Of course not, but why don’t you… Help me with something?”
I let my hand rest on her arse, meeting her gaze readily. “Tell me.”
‘Cadance’ smiled wide. “Well then, I nee-!” Her eyes shot open as she felt the psychic tentacle tighten around her throat, alarm clearly on her face.
I swatted her arse and had myself a good giggle at the fury that was mounting in her expression. “Ah, fuck! I had you going there, didn’t I?” I bit the tip of my tongue as I beamed at the imposter, tickled just about fuckin’ pink. “Really, now? Did you think all Equestrians are as stupid as Shining?”
She tried to cast another spell when I loosened up a bit, but the pressure I applied at the first hint of a green glow. “Grk!” The shapeshifter or whatever tried to glare at me as I strode in a circle around her. I eased up a bit to let her speak because I thought it’d be funny to hear what she had to say. “You… You will rue the day you made a mockery of Princess Mi Amore Caden-”
I slapped the bullshit out of her mouth so well, she stopped talking. “Try again, Lover, because you? You’re not Cadance.”
The woman glared at me, her teeth grit. “If I’m not Cadance, then just who am I then?”
I shrugged as her lip twitched in disgust. “I have a guess or two, but nothing concrete at the moment,” I lied, booping her a little since Cadance was cute when she was furious. “You wanna save me the trouble, or…?”
“Bite me,” Miss Fakey-Fake hissed.
“Well-” She spat in my face and I took a moment to mark that one off of the Bingo card. “... Rude, may I just say?” I wiped my nose and brow as Shifty glared and decided that she was going to be quiet. “Alright then. I’m gonna ask for your name.” Fakey raised a brow. “Please?”
“You can eat shit and die for all I care,” She snarled.
I nodded a few more times and the non-Cadance-entity tried to cast another spell. “Come the fuck on, now. I can tell whenever you’re trying something.”
“And yet you can’t see the truth in front of your eyes.” I lifted my jacket a bit and drew the Warbling Blade. The imposter seemed confident as she smirked at me. “You’ll find more fear in Princess Celestia than you will me, Mack. I’m-” She stalled as the blade slid under her lip, the assuredness she’d exuded previously fading in mere seconds. I made sure that she was watching when I twisted my wrist and did a helluva job ruining her dental work. “Yee-ah! What in the blazes ofTartarus is wrong with you!?”
“Y’see, on my streets in Ye Olden time, there was a saying. A Proverb, if you will.” I chuckled while she stared at me, the angle I’d chosen having the desired effect from the start. “‘The mouth of the righteous drops wisdom: but the tongue of the unjust shall perish.’.” Imposter lady continued to stare, probably wondering how the fuck I managed to gouge a piece of her tooth out sans blood. “Now, I’m not the most righteous bloke to choke folk, nor am I the wisest, but surely even your average foal should be able to see that there’s nothing ‘just’ about you.”
“... What do you want?” She barked. “A Princess at your beck and call? To humiliate one of Eques-” The knife seemed to be an effective mute button. “... It’s illegal to do this, you know. No matter who you have in your pocket, Mack, Celestia wouldn’t stand for something like this in broad daylight.”
I blew her a kiss. “Why don’t we go ask her, then? I’m sure she’d like to hear your complaint, yeah?”
The woman swallowed hard. “... It doesn’t have to be this way, Mack. We can both benefit from this. No need for anypony to do anything rash…” She saw the look on my face and scowled. “Everyone has a price.”
I nodded. “Yeah, it’s just that I’m a Baron and I can ask Celestia or Luna for my own fully furnished, staffed, and hand-built castle at any point in time.” Her lips parted as her mouth hung open. “Yeah, I’m not easy to bribe.”
“What about-”
“Women? Wealth? Fame?”
“... Love.”
I tapped my chest, chuckling. “Oi, that one’s a swing there, yeah? Got plenty at the moment, if that’s what you’re offering.”
She shook her head, staring at me as she evidently knew I was telling the truth. “... There has to be something…”
“Sorry, but what I want most is the same shite I know I can’t have. Tough luck.” I started backing toward the door, bringing her along with me.
“Wait!” She yelped, her arms pinned to her sides since I didn’t want to just drag a person around by their fuckin’ throat like a… Scot… I gave her a second to gather herself, making her very well aware of my grip on her. “... If you strike me down now, I will only return stronger by tenfold!”
Did- She really did. She really, really just did. Wow. “Yeah, okay. So while we’re on our little walk, you’ll die if you try to get someone to help you, yeah?” Imposter Lady glared at me. “And it won’t be a pleasant, ‘There one moment, gone the next’ kind of passing, you know? More of a ‘Gosh her ribs are sticking out of her and she’s still alive!’ kinda deal.”
“... What manner of creature are you?”
“I? I am a Human being, capable of doing terrible things.” I shot her a wink and led her through the same door we’d come from, holding it open so that she could walk through.
We were alone in the hall, so she tried some more bargaining. “Look, I’m about to be in a position of considerable power-”
“Wonder if I could ever be a Prince?” I mused, shaking the idea off before it could unnerve me too much.
“Anything you want-”
“Look, Lover, if there was anything I wanted, I’d just buy it or fund it. If I couldn’t buy it, I have both ruling Princesses who don’t mind doing me most favours,” Bluffing my arse off like no other, but still, “and most Mares themselves aren’t exactly hard to get a quick, meaningless romp from-”
“If ‘quick’’ is a problem for you, I can fix that with magic,” She bartered, hope glimmering in her voice.
“My dick is magic.” I smirked.
“... Please tell me you’re joking.”
“How do you think I snagged Cadance in the first place?” I scoffed. The worry on her face was hilarious and doubly so when I continued. “I mean, I had to dump two loads in Celestia’s arse to make her submit, but Luna made it easy on me. Just guffed it right out of that mares bum, she did-”
“Liar,” Imposter Lady scoffed.
“Mm, truth is often stranger than fiction.”
There was no more conversation from that point on. I assumed it was partially because Not-Cadance had accepted her fate or was looking for an avenue of escape. On my part, I knew it was because there was pressure building in my head, minute by minute. I eventually asked a random servant to write Celestia a note and tell her that I was looking for her. I’d made sure to include the clear instructions ‘Do not teleport me, my person, or my being’ with the note and got a response on my way to Celestia’s favourite sitting room. Trying to read it and keep an eye on the disguised dude was harder than I wanted it to be and Sunbutt was pissing me off anyway.
Celestia was in her room and refused to leave for any non-life-threatening reason. Even though I gave her a life-threatening reason. Now annoyed and in pain, I took Cadance through the rest of Celestia’s wing, but our pace was starting to get to me. I considered just giving her a Black Eye to make things easier on my brain, but I doubted that any of the guards would have allowed me to carry around an unconscious Princess. Hell, I was surprised that there weren’t any bothering me at the moment just for being with her. With all the shitty looks I was getting from the guards around, it was honestly a shocker that we’d yet to be bothered. Maybe it was the lethal look on my face, or maybe it was the one on Cadance’s, but either way, the walk was relatively uneventful. She did try her luck once while we were rounding a corner, but being caught and getting poked in the side with a sharp object helped straighten her out.
When we came to Celestia’s chambers, the shapeshifter tried to have me open the door, but I asked one of the Day guards to do it for me. ‘Cadance’ argued that a gentlecolt would open the door for a lady and I reminded her that I never claimed to be one. She tried ordering me to do it, barring the guards from doing it themselves, but I told them that I’d have Celestia look into them personally if they disobeyed me on this. The shapeshifter used Cadance’s status to overrule mine, which didn’t really matter. I knew how to get Celestia’s attention without using words anyway.
Slamming my fist on her chamber doors like I was trying to bust them the fuck down. Stepping away had been a smart idea, though I really wanted to get my gaze onto Celestia as soon as possible. Or just close my eyes and soak my head in morphine. Either one would do with my head pounding as it was. “Oi.”
“Max-”
“Shapeshifter.” I pointed at the pink one, concerned as she seemed.
“... What?” Celestia asked, sighing.
“That’s not Cadance, Celestia.”
“Max, of course it’s Cadance-”
“Would I bring her here if I thought that?”
Cadance sighed. “I’m sorry, Auntie, I’ve been trying to explain to Mack that planning a wedding is stressful, but somepony doesn’t want to hear it.”
Celestia sniffed. “It would seem that you could do with an apology for having your precious time wasted.” Her hand rested on my shoulder, but she didn’t get to say anything.
“Oi, lemme make this clear; We either see how complete that transformation of yours is or you undo it yourself.” The imposter frowned, tilting her head. “Actually, Celestia? Ask her one question for me, yeah?”
Sunbutt groaned. “Max-”
“Where did I meet Cadance? Where specifically?”
Celestia hit me, but I kept my eyes on the fake. “Max-”
“Ask.”
My Ex sighed and asked, “Cadance, when and where did you meet Max?”
Not-Cadance’s eye twitched. “Here in Canterlot, though I don’t remember the exact date.”
I heard two thumping heartbeats from behind me along with a pause in Celestia’s impossibly smooth breathing pattern. “And in what part of Canterlot?”
“The castle, of course-”
“And where in the castle?”
Pink Imposter near-obviously relaxed. “The Castle Gardens.”
Celestia sighed, sounding more annoyed than anything. “And what was the first thing you talked about?”
The shapeshifter froze, desperate enough for a shot in the dark. “We… Talked about matters of infidelity.”
“See, Max?” Celestia nudged me. “Sometimes a few questions is all the interrogation a person needs.”
Not-Cadance exhaled, a noise of relief that turned to shock as a golden bubble entrapped her. Their jaw dropped, the rug snatched from under them. “Wh-What!?”
I turned in time to see Celestia shake her head, though her available shoulder was my target. “You see, my dear, it’s very simple,” Sunbutt allowed me my respite with a chuckle and continued on, “Cadance has a peculiar trait that’s actually quite common amongst Equestrian mares. She is very particular about where she meets Ponies, and she always remembers when someone is upset with her.” The Imposter grit her teeth and glared. “That being said, it would be very hard to forget that Max, the only Human known to this world, chose to deride Cadance in an extended diatribe to express his frustrations with her.” Facadance started rubbing her temples. “Yes, Max is an asshole, but he’s very good at paying attention. Unfortunately for you, he just so happens to pay more attention to the people he wants to sleep-” I pinched her. “You wanted to sleep with Cadance. Don’t pretend otherwise.”
I mumbled something as a reply, but it was lost in Celestia’s fur. She didn’t respond and I wasn’t offended because it wasn’t important anyway. There was silence while someone evidently waited for me to repeat myself. Shit was not happening. In any case, the Imposter evidently revealed herself or something because the guards behind Celestia gasped and Shifty’s voice changed to what I assumed was her natural tone. Raspy and slightly unnerving with the tritonal quality of her voice, all I felt was sheer annoyance when she opened her mouth.
“So I was played from the moment I met your little… Spy.”
Celestia got two chuckles in before I held her still. “I’d ask why you’re currently nuzzling me, but it’s not terribly important. But yes, Chrysalis, to answer your question? Max is not a spy, but he is very attentive to his friends. And enemies.” I murmured into her shoulder. “In general, I suppose.”
“I hate him,” Chrysalis spat.
I held up a thumb and Celly patted my back. “You have good reason, though you do understand that your threat against my nation will not go unanswered, yes?”
Chrysalis snorted. “And yet I would’ve succeeded with marginal ease. Unlike you, apparently your little bastard can fake emotion.”
“I would daresay that’s a compliment in my favour.”
“It’s not an insult towards you, I’ll say that much.”
I felt Sunbutt nod. “Then is there anything you would like to say at the moment? Off the record, of course?”
“No, I fully intend to levy charges against your bastard for assault.”
“He outranks you in this country, unfortunately. While you may be a Queen, the Changelings are not a recognized race on Equus.” I groaned and Celestia hummed. “Do you have input now, Max?”
I pulled away from her while covering my eyes to block out the light, even though the ear-plugs weren’t doing much for the migraine-adjusted volume of their speech. Or anyone’s general bodily functions. “Fuggin’… Ugh. Why do you think she tried some shit like this, then, Cells?”
“To assume control, of course.”
“She doesn’t have another option. S’clear enough from the situation.”
I put my face back where it was and Chrysalis was oddly silent, which Celestia kind of commented on. “I see from your expression that you’re quite surprised.”
“... Max, was it?” I held up a thumb. “... You are far too observant…” Her voice softened, though she still sounded rather angry about having her plot sluice down the sui-slide. “Yes, The only reason I sought to take over as Princess Cadenza was to use her Love Magic to feed my people. However, I do have other options. A full on war with Equestria or the silent death of the Changelings, unmourned by any... I feel that you understand better than most what my motives and goal would be.”
Celestia decided to take a shot at it. “The conquest of Equestria by the Changelings. It’s fairly obvious.”
I just freed my mouth this time to say, “Nah, survival. Plain and simple.”
“... Curious.”
Chrysalis snorted, clearly amused. “Yes. It’s curious that I do not want to see my kin and subjects starve to death. Quite the question as to why living is preferred to death.”
“A fair enough point, though I feel a certain need to remind you of the position you’re in, Queen Chrysalis.” I didn’t hear a reply. “Guards, accompany us to the Throne Room. Sergeant Titan, send for Captain Shining Armour.”
“Yes Ma’am!” Some dude practically shouted. It was quite unnecessary since no one was more than five fuckin’ feet from each other.
Against my better judgement, I let Celestia lead me along by the hand since my dome, face, and damn near every vertebrae in my neck felt like they were surrounded by hot sand. It was coarse, rough, and irritating. Honestly, it was starting to feel like it was spreading everywhere- I- I didn't mean to do that and we’re moving on. Walking along blind was harder than I’d thought it’d be. The trip was almost as quiet as it could be given that most of my companions were wearing metal shoes, though that’s not saying much at all. My head was pounding even as we got to the rarely used Throne Room and I was all too eager to go and sit on some of Celestia’s steps, slumping against a pillar while we waited for Shining to arrive.
I got a note after a few minutes, though it was from Shining instead of his sister as I’d expected. It was a duel-notice or something more formal. “Oi, Celestia.”
She looked at me. “Yes?”
“Shining Arse wants to fight me for nailing his wife and sister.”
She and Chrysalis chuckled at that, but the insectile creature before me was far more important than their laughter. It took me a second to realize that I was laying eyes on a Changeling, through and through. From their mythical depictions in Equestrian lore that wasn’t attached to any bestiary I’d ever read, I found that it was akin to looking at a real Orc on Earth. The Changelings were a race that were said to have existed long, long ago underground, making their hives near populated places to supplant entire towns. However, even on Equus where the impossible was possible, they’d been framed as legendary, mythical beings that had no place in reality. Seeing Chrysalis through the sharp light that cut into my retinas, it was easy to see why they’d been relegated to myth. Even having seen Gryphons and Dragons along with Ponies themselves, it was hard to understand how the jet black, carapace-coated creature in front of me actually fit into the world around us.
Chrysalis seemed amused as I studied her as quickly as my aching mind would allow, though it was mostly just… Odd. From what I could tell, her clothes were actually a level of sheer that would be considered indecent in public, no matter where you went. It would’ve mattered more if she had discernible erogenous features, but she… Kind of just looked like a Pony that had been cursed hundreds of times until it just… Bugged out. There were actual holes in her limbs and horn, and I do not mean that they were surface wounds. Through and through, there were penetrable places in her limbs that had, for one, no purpose other than maybe lightening their frame. Other than that? It was… Unsettling. The angular, tall woman was striking in countenance even more so than her general appearance. Being between the height of Celestia and Noir was odd for someone who didn’t seem to be eldritch like they were, though she carried the extra distance rather elegantly. There was something about her that just didn’t seem quite repulsive so much as morbidly interesting. Somewhere between having the youth of someone like Pinkie while permeating the frosty grace of Luna lie Chrysalis, though her height was… Weird with her actually looks. Painfully cute, but an Ice Queen all the same that would suck your soul and wallet dry in the same night. Honestly, a woman as tall as her would generally be more beautiful or pretty than cute due to taller people having lengthier features, but she really was a bit more cute than scary.
Having them both notice that my eyes were open evidently prompted Chrysalis to comment thusly. “In fairness, I can come up with many reasons as to why he’d find reason to hurt you. My tooth would have hardly survived a deeper cut without excessive pain.”
Celestia glanced at her and Chrysalis finished tattling by showing off a gouge in a fang. “Maximus…”
“Could’ve killed her.”
“Even at that, Equestria does not torture prisoners.”
“Nah, it’s not torture until you’re trying to break someone completely or make them suffer for something other than information.”
“Shut up. As it is, I see no blood and no reason to do more than chastise you.”
Chrysalis snorted. “At least he doesn’t pretend to give a damn about the rules.” She gave her gaze to me, her murky iris’ inlaid with her slitted pupils. I’d expected segmented eyes and was a touch let down. “Truly though, Mack. You’re more than you appear to be.”
“Yeah, everyone finds that out to some level at some point.” I rubbed my temples, getting a chuckle from Celestia. “What? What’s got you giggly?”
“I’ve never seen you do that yourself. It’s refreshing.”
“First of all, guard your own country for once.”
Sunbutt raised a brow at me as Chrysalis snickered. “Don’t try to save face now. I think we’re all too aware that Mack-”
“Max,” I corrected.
“-had to convince you that I wasn’t the woman you thought I was. You were perfectly prepared to let me swipe your status, Princess.”
Celestia cast a baleful gaze toward her. “I was waiting for Twilight Sparkle to pick up on your clear and distinct changes in character. Honestly, as unpleasant and commanding as you are, you stood no chance of posing as a mare with Cadance’s affability and kindness. I don’t know why you don’t think I see your flagrant groping of my niece’s husband when she herself would never do such a thing, but I assure you that you were awaiting a reckoning from the beginning.”
Chrysalis pulled a face. “It would’ve been kinder, more sensible, and less insane to call my bluff outright.”
“You’re not wrong, but a mare does as she sees fit,” Cel-lunatic scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Really now, I was hoping that Max would take the damn hint that I was allowing you free-rein in the first place. I stared at Sunbutt as she openly dared me to contradict my own conclusions. “Yes, Max?”
“... I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.”
“That’s not the dynamic of our relationship-”
“Celestia… You can’t keep doing this shite and expect it to go well.”
She shrugged. “When it stops working, I’ll stop doing it.”
“And I guess that’s expected.” I sighed, rubbing my neck as another note flared into existence. I ignored it after catching it, annoyed to all hell. “Seriously, though, couldn’t you have said something?”
“You should’ve been able to tell-”
“You’ve been dumb before.”
“And I would argue the plan was still dumb in the first place,” Chrysalis chimed in.
Celestia shrugged. “Brilliance is often seen as foolish by the undereducated. In any case, are you not going to read that letter, Max?”
I checked it out. “Twilight’s asking about me fucking Cadance.”
“You really are a little slut, aren’t you?” Queen Bee herself asked.
“First off, you were down for it and don’t fuckin’ lie about it.” She shrugged and I glared at Celestia. “Why is everyone asking or accusing me of fucking Cadance? The fuck?”
“Your reputation is more your fault than mine.”
“Here, though!?” My head throbbed, the pain shooting down to the tip of my nose and base of my neck simultaneously. “Ugh… I fuckin’... Celestia…”
“I’ll do some damage control later, but you’ll die of old age long before I apologize.” We both glowered at the actual insect in shackles while she giggled her head off. “Chrysalis, you seem to think I care about-”
Twilight teleported in facing me. “Max, just what-” She looked around, eventually spotting Celestia long after the Princess had adjusted her posture and demeanour. Chrysalis was loving it. “Oh. Okay, what?”
“I’m fucking brilliant and you’re the cute one.” I wrapped my arms around her, trying to get a hug in since my head was still pounding away at my patience. It barely clicked in time for me to dodge her instinctive slap, though at least I didn’t fall. “Oi.”
“Max- Well, I’m sorry, but you know that happens…” I shrugged it off. “... What’s going on?” Cherry glanced between me and Celestia.
Sunbutt took over with the bullshit, making it clear that the story she presented was the truth we all ‘knew’ through ‘experience’. “It would seem that Max is even more attentive than Shining Armour or myself. Honestly, Twilight, you should be very careful with what you say to Max. He’ll see right through any questions regarding a present.”
My girlfriend looked at me. “... What?”
“Cadance is nice, that bitch is a bitch.”
“... What?”
“What country-”
“Hey, no, Max. We’re not doing that right now.” She gave me a moment to mourn and continued with, “Can you just explain it chronologically with relative detail, or do I need to be more specific?”
“That is the right question, but I am so in need of a Headache Spell-thing that I can hardly recall those details.”
We’d lasted so long because she was willing to put up with my bullshit and this time was no exception. Without the ringing ache, it was easy to lay it out for them. It was clear enough to me, so I’m not gonna write it all down, but when Shining came in with his sword drawn, I had to repeat myself anyway and that was enough for one event. When I actually got through the rundown of how I saw through Chrysalis, Celestia had her remove her layered spells off of Sobbing Asswipe. Twilight was too concerned with consoling her brother to give a fuck about how I was looking at the cause of his mental breakdown.
The mossy-quality of her mane fit the rotten carapace it was attached to, and the sharpness her her smug grin made me want to crack her a good one. Chrysalis caught my glare and winked. “Want some for yourself~?”
… I don’t even like Shining, but… “Your meat,” I growled. She blinked and her eyes widened as I asked, “Is your meat man-meat or bug-meat?”
Queen Chrysalis barked out a laugh. “Does it matter?”
“I don’t much care for man-meat.” Her face told me that she was growing more aware of my ‘intentions’.
Chrysalis glanced at Celestia, who was pointed her fucking finger at me like I was a naughty puppy. “Max, no. Just no.” I snorted. “Max, we talked about you eating people. If it talks, it’s not tartare. Do you not remember that?”
“What in the blazes do you keep on a collar you maniac!?” Chrysalis boomed, though she sounded more unsettled and irritated than afraid.
“Seriously, though, can I punch her?” I asked, just to clarify.
“It would hurt you more than her, and Chrysalis?” Celestia teleported over and slapped the bug Queen harder than I’d ever been slapped, the sound echoing in the room and into my heart, making me smile. “You disgust me.”
The Bug Queen’s eyes were as murky as ever when she rubbed her cheek and asked, “Mommy’s slappies taste like her love, so it’s okay…” The Pale Princess and I stood next to each other to look at her and Chrysalis shrugged. “I was feeding off of Max earlier. As I said, even his fakest emotions are loaded with a different kind of sustenance and I find that it may leave a Changeling with more side effects than usual.”
Celestia seemed to register that. “Your Changelings are what they eat, then?”
Chrysalis shrugged. “Often, yes. The vast majority feed off of love or platonic admiration of some sort, so they make for good friends and lovers. After all, being a poor companion would yield less excess to skim, and drawing from raw emotion is foolish.”
Sunbutt seemed interested. “To think I’ve lived all these years without knowing the finer details of your people. I thought you were-”
“Parasites that killed the host, yes,” The Black Queen drawled. “It’s no surprise, after all. Vampiris and the entire line of mutations within that dreadful disease stained the name of Changelings even before I was born. We, however, hunted them ourselves as they were all too willing to kill our mutual prey. Whereas the Vampirically inflicted saw no reason for the prosperity of those they fed from, it’s within the best interest of a Changeling to see our prey thrive. The happier someone is, the better they taste and the more we can feed from them.”
“Surprised you got anything from Max at all then with how withered and dead his heart can be,” Celestia jabbed.
It hurt more than she’d likely meant it to, or as much as planned. In either case, I wasn’t going to stand for it. “It was enough to keep you satisfied.” Then her lips parted and she gave me some side eye.
Chrysalis wisely changed the topic. “In any case, I’m surprised that you’ve yet to ask where your precious Princess is.”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “As if you could make a move in this country that I’m not aware of. Cadance has been fed and taken care of in the crystalline caverns beneath the dungeons, regardless of your concern on the matter.”
The Bug Queen sniffed. “... So I truly didn’t have an actual chance.”
“I haven’t forgotten you, Chrysalis,” My bitchy, manipulative ex teased. “You act like it would be strange for me to have kept tabs on a potential enemy.”
Chrysalis’ demeanour changed considerably. Her air of aloofness and casual mockery shifted to hostility with the set of her shoulder and jaw. A faint buzzing sounded from her as she hissed, “Then you knew that my people died in the thousands as you rejected my request for aid.”
It wasn’t even worth looking at Celestia. “They weren’t mine, they weren’t my-” She gasped sharply as I fingered her ribs, not quite getting away before pushing me and having my fingertips pull on one. “Ow! Dammit, Max-”
“No, fuck you!” I gestured toward her. “Are you serious, Celestia!? Are you shitting me right now? You- Come the fuck on! You relegated her people to myth after refusing to help them and then use her desperation to wipe out the rest of her species!? Are you a fuckin’ genocidal maniac or just a dirty politician? Because I’m leaning towards mass-murdering, ethnic-cleansing, genocidal maniac.”
Celestia pursed her lips. “... That’s not what was-”
“Oh, really?/Are you sure?” Chrysalis and I chorused.
The Bug Queen glanced at me. “I think the three of us are all too aware that this gambit of mine would’ve resulted in the death of the Changelings. However, I feel a certain tide shifting~”
Celestia gave me a shitty look as I glared swords, daggers, and arrows at her asinine arse. “... Do I need to curate this one?”
Sunbutt rolled her eyes. “A treaty weighted in Equestria’s favour or nothing. Take it or leave.”
“It’s ‘leave it’-”
“Not when I can just send you home.”
Chrysalis shrugged. “It’s better than dying, if that eases your… Whatever you have that passes as a conscience.”
I flipped her off. “My ‘conscience’ just spared you and your entire people, so I think it’s as valid as it needs to be.”
“I wasn’t complaining.”
Celestia snorted and nodded toward Shining as he was standing, sniffling still while Twilight was comforting him. As loud as we’d been, they’d been rather involved with their emotions and stuff. Ignorance sure as fuck didn’t mean bliss for the moment, but Sunbutt made it clear that what we’d spoken of would stay between us lest anyone become more miserable. With all things clear regarding the usurping of Cadance’s throne, Chrysalis didn’t have half the chance that she thought she did. As such, the woman was understandably a little more subdued while Celestia frog-marched her over to Shining for an apology and a neutered explanation.
Yes. All he got for being mind-controlled was a half-hearted apology that still left him wanting to thrust a sword through her heart. However, Celestia seemed to think that ‘my’ plan to use the Changelings as spies was better than executing their Queen and starting a war. Granted, I fully supported the idea and reasoned it without being prompted further, but I didn’t like the subtle shift of blame Celestia pulled, nor the political implications of me making such a statement. In either case, Shining wasn’t happy and demanded a duel with Chrysalis as well, though Princess Actual-Unredeemable-Monster Celestia denied him his rights and let him stew in his fury while she carted Chrysalis off herself. I was left with the siblings, neither of which were happy with me. I assumed it was punishment for raising my voice at Celestia while questioning her methods in front of the enemy. Or calling her out for being exactly the same as she was when I broke up with her.
I glared off after Celestia and felt a strange companionship with Shining in that regard until he growled at me. “You…”
… This is bullshit. I shouldn’t be friends with someone like that, but nooo… She runs the fuckin’ country. “Chrysalis is a better ally than enemy, and I’m sorry, Shining-”
“Not that sorry, though, huh?” He sneered, shaking in his boots as he tried to lash out at someone.
“Honestly, mate?” I looked at him, shrugging. “Ya ain’t got an ounce of pity from me, but I feel fuckin’ awful that you got duped all the same. Not many men I know should have to love a creature that mocks the one their heart truly longs for.”
The cheeky wanker decided to spin it and play victim double-time. “And I’m one of them. I see.”
“Mate, no, that’s not-”
“That’s exactly what you meant…” Shining snarled, fists curled, shoulders hunched, and nostrils flaring.
Twilight put her hand on his chest and he picked her up by her arms and placed her to the side. She got in front of him again and barked, “Hey! Max is the one who exposed Queen Chrysalis, Shining! Maybe a little gratitude would be more appropriate?”
He teleported her away and threw a punch at me, but I didn’t want any of that scrap. I backed and dodged, but I had to admit that the guy’s form was rock-solid, even if he was pissed. If I didn’t have the mobility-advantage, I would’ve actually been forced to fight him. “Swing back, you coward!”
Replying with real thought would’ve ruined my focus, so I spoke from the heart and kept on my toes. “You’re off the mark, Bruv. I ain’t against ya.”
He stopped for a second and I got broke away for a bit more distance. He stood, fists still raised as Twilight teleported to him. “Shining! Get your head out of the furnace and cool it! Max isn’t trying to pick on you!”
The bastard refused to cease his visual challenge and apparently was waiting for me to take his bait. Normally, I would’ve been happy to lean on my ‘Take no bullshit’ policy, but… Shining was angry for all the wrong reasons and just wasn’t thinking clearly. He was practically drunk and wasn’t in the right mind state to process ‘guilt’ or ‘blame’. All he could tell was that he hated me and that he’d probably fucked the monstrous eldritch abomination that had been taking the form of his lovely wife. That, and I was supposed to have fucked his wife in the first place, so he probably thought (at some level) that I’d found out the truth by nailing Chrysalis and not being mind-controlled. His nerves were raw and his heart was tattered on his sleeve as he seethed in my direction.
Instead of incensing him further or snarking at him, I raised my hands above my shoulders and spoke calmly. “I mean no harm, Shining. I just noticed that Chrysalis was more combative and sharp with her words than Princess Cadenza. My communication with Princess Cadenza and relationship therein are purely platonic.” He shook in place, jaw working as tears threatened to fall. “Most of our letters pertain to Twilight and how your little sister is doing. It just wouldn’t hurt to write and ask for yourself so she knows you care.”
Shining nodded, sniffing hard as his mask of rage threatened to crumble. Apparently what I said correlated with the truth he knew deeper down than the conclusions he’d landed on. However, it was beyond him to thank me and I accepted that for what it was. Twilight looked between us, thanking me with an quick smile. Shining turned and stormed off, teleporting away when his sister tried to go after him. I knew that she wanted to be by his side and make him feel better, but I also felt that the man could use a moment to collect himself.
“Cherry-”
She whipped around. “Max, come on! He’s my brother!”
“Cherry…”
She was too worried to sit still, but apparently I really was leaving a mark on her. The energy my little lover had been filled with faded with three deep breaths and she let her shoulders slump as I approached her. As I held her in my arms, she sighed. “Well, if Shining won’t thank you, then I will. Thank you for making sure that this didn’t all go terribly, terribly wrong.”
I kissed her temple. “I have a feeling that you’d have done something yourself before it got too far. You’re smarter than Sunbutt, in any case.”
She hummed against me. “... So… Cadance is okay, right?”
“If she isn’t, then it’s not good for anyone involved, honestly. Time will tell, but Chrysalis herself said that it didn’t benefit her at all to treat Cadance any less than decently.”
“... Can we trust her?”
“Well, considering that Changelings feed off of people’s emotions and can channel a bit of their personality, I’d say ‘to a point’. If she really was channelling the bits of me she nibbled on, then she actually was just being as agreeable and honest as possible since she was already caught. Otherwise, I don’t know.”
Twilight nodded against me. “... What now?”
“Uh… How were the preparations going?”
“A little more time to get things ship-shape isn’t going to hurt anypony… I just hope Cadance and Shining get to reunite soon.”
“Well… They’ll probably head to their chambers or something at some point. What do you want to do in the meantime?”
“... I really don’t know.” Cherry inhaled against me and held the breath for a moment, taking time to count before releasing it in a measured flow. “... I love you, Max, but you know you’re a little freaky, right?”
“Says the woman who knows what my esophagus tastes like. Yeah.”
“My tongue isn’t that long!”
“Most Ponies don’t have tongues that long, and I sure as fuck don’t.”
She gave me a light whack. “That’s just mean…”
“I didn’t say, at any point, that it was a bad thing.”
“Well, no, but I still don’t want to kiss you right now.”
“What if I said please, though?”
She pouted at me, her brow furrowed as she pursed and puckered her lips. As always, it was heart-melting when she mumbled back a reply. “I didn’t say you couldn’t kiss me…”
No more invitation was needed. The interruption wasn’t needed, at least not for me. Twilight covered her mouth and squeaked when she realized that there were people watching while I kind of just sniffed and blinked a few times to clear the fog. Shining Armour, Luna, Celestia, some random guards, and Cadance herself were all looking at myself and my lover while we’d been having our moment. I found that to be a touch rude, but then one of the peanut gallery commented on ‘breathing underwater’ and I couldn’t wait to see how long we’d gone.
“What? Am I not allowed to kiss my special-someperson or something?” I asked.
“A kiss doesn’t last eight minutes,” Luna answered flatly.
“E-Eight minutes!?” Twilight gasped.
I checked my pocket watch to get a better idea, but couldn’t remember when we’d started. “Fuck, no telling when we actually started this time. Couldn’t have been much more than ten-”
Celestia interrupted me with, “I wasn’t gone for a full twenty, Max. Cadance immediately wanted to see you.”
Twilight whimpered and I looped my arm around her, smiling. “The real one then, yeah?”
The Pink Princess herself chuckled, approaching as I led Twilight over to greet her. “Always eager to subvert expectations, aren’t we, Max?”
I scoffed, stopping a respectable distance away. “This from the one whose two completely different mares each time I meet her?”
Cadance admittedly looked a little roughed up, but other than a few patches of fur that could bear to be brushed, she seemed to have fared rather well. “Hardy-har-har… But… Really, Max… Thank you…”
I shrugged. “If you weren’t as great as you are, it wouldn’t have been so easy. You make Twilight’s awesomeness seem almost attainable. Sometimes.” She and my lover giggled at that with Twilight comig to hug my arm. “Chrysalis couldn’t even operate in the same city as either of you. There aren’t many people out there that are in your league, even if you don’t operate on Cherry’s level.”
I got a good squeeze from my cherry-cheeked Cherry and Cadance flushed a bit herself, smiling back. “And you’re still dreadfully sweet when the moment calls for it…” She inhaled and let it out slowly, but there was still a tremble on the tail-end of the sigh. A clear notice that someone needed another hug. Twilight needed no instruction when it came to giving Cadance a bit of the comfort she needed. “Ugh, I’ve done so much crying over the past three days, it’s ridiculous… I honestly think I’m dehydrated!” She jested, wiping her damp eyes until I offered her one of my handkerchiefs.
Twilight stole the second one, so I pulled my third and fourth from the inner pocket of my jacket and replaced them, getting a giggle out of Cadance. “How many of these things do you have!?”
“Four. Why would I need more?”
“Why would you need four!?” She giggled her bloody head off at the practicality of it.
Twilight stood while Cadance got her laughs in, trying to give me some kind of look. “I told you that was too many!”
“It’s a wedding.”
Cherry scoffed and broke out into giggles along with Cadance, but I didn’t know what else to do at the moment and peered towards the other important people. From the experience etched into these eyes of mine, Shining could use a drink and some time to himself. Celestia was annoyed like no other. I waved at Luna since she was the most neutral at the moment and she waved back, rolling her eyes when I gestured to the chattering pair nearest to me. My involvement in their conversation became a necessity soon enough and I had to explain everything all over again so that Twilight could comment on shite and Cadance got a direct account. Cadance did a bit of crying, Twilight cried a bit too, and Shining came over and tried to act like he hadn’t swung on me for bullshit reasons he should’ve seen through. It was all well and good that we seemed to be on better terms, I guess… Kind of a pain in the arse considering I’d done all the legwork thus far, but what else is new? In any case, Shining was less of a cunt than normal.
Until Cadance asked that I be the one to give her away at the wedding, that is.
Shining was miffed and all, but his fiancé had just been rescued by the guy she requested, so it made sense and wasn’t exactly meant as an insult. However, he still asked, “Don’t you want to wait and reconsider, Sugar Bear? It’s- Well, it’s just been such a stressful time and all-”
Cadance waved it away and hugged his arm, giving him an imploring look. “Oh, Shiny, it’s not like we had any better options and Max saved our wedding! Wouldn’t you say he deserves a respectable role in the ceremony? Or at least some form of recognition?”
Shining, to his credit, didn’t look pissed off about it. “I’m not saying no, and I’m not even saying I’m against it in the slightest. Why don’t we just… Take some time to rest before we make any decisions, though?”
“I’ve been sitting and fretting about my wedding for two weeks, Shining...” Cadance took his hands, a warm, pleading smile on her face that even I had a hard time bearing witness to. “All I’ve been able to think about is you and her and our big day… One little alteration that we already tried to plan for… It’s not a big deal, right?”
And just like that, man proved beholden to his wife yet again. “Of course not. Forget I said anything about it, but still-”
Cadance turned to me, ignoring the fuck out of him. “Again, thank you, Max. If there’s any reward I can grant, anything at all, just say the word and I’ll do whatever I can to make it happen!”
I thumbed my nose and sniffed. “Anything then, yeah?” She nodded a few times, beaming at me. “Alright, I’ve got something for the here and now then.” Cadance waited for my request since I was being theatrical about it. “How about you go and snatch up that snowy blowhard over there and appreciate some time with your husband-to-be?”
Shining and Cadance laughed at that, both smiling as they acquiesced and fucked off to go… Do stuff. Celestia and Luna didn’t wait to approach once it was clear the other two were going, though I was surprised to find Luna taking point. “You never cease to annoy, Maximus.”
“Oi.”
“Apologies. I meant ‘entertain’, but you know how it is.”
I shrugged it off. “Eh, it is what it is. How’s Bug-Butt doing?”
Celestia snorted. “Bitter about not being as smart as she thought, annoyed with you, and willing to negotiate. This one is going on your name, Maximus, so be aware of that.”
Twilight looked at me as I sighed. “And you didn’t plan on this at all?”
“For once, no,” Celestia admitted truthfully. “It’s more your idea than mine, I’m just doing what I think you’d approve of in terms of the finer details. Really though, Max, take your victory lap for the day. You avoided a lot of trouble by keeping your eyes open and your mind flexible.”
I assumed that meant ‘Rest for now because you fucked me over’ and responded with, “Anything else I need to take care of?”
Luna hummed. “You could attend a seminar in how to treat prisoners under your detainment.”
Celestia chuckled along. “It would seem to do you well to remember a prisoner’s rights.”
Twilight was staring at me while I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, yeah, nag all you want-”
“Max!” My girlfriend hissed.
“What?” I spread my hands.
“The N-word!”
You fuckin’- “Okay, plum-plumbob, that’s like-”
“Max! I am not a plumbob!”
Luna snickered while I suffered. “I swear to God, next thing you’re gonna tell me is that ‘corn-husker’ is some kind of-”
“Derogatory term for an Earth-Pony?” Celestia asked, seeming all too amused.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “... You’re shitting me…”
“Not in the slightest.”
There wasn’t a drink appetizing enough to soothe the mounting headache, but then Twilight chimed in with, “You would think that you, of all ponies, would know what the worst insults are.”
“I know the ones from my planet, and I generally think that’s enough.” My lover gave me a salty kind of look, so I kissed her cheek and sucked some of the sodium from her sour expression.
Twilight pushed me away, giggling a bit. Celestia, having had enough of my shite for the day took over the conversation. “Negotiations will be conducted with your general wishes in mind,” At my raised brow, she carried on with, “and a fair, reasonable compromise shall be reached. I assume you have some manner of suggestion to assuage the Changeling hunger crisis?”
The Solar Princess was kind of smirking at me while I thought, though I didn’t need long. “Funneling prisoners to them.”
Celestia blinked. “... As I was thinking then, yes-”
“You did not,” I accused.
Luna nodded. “She did not, and I have no objections. Those who’ve been convicted of sentences beyond a decade will be offered a choice between Tartarus or the Changelings. Are there any flaws in this plan?”
I shook my head. “Not really.”
Celestia huffed. “In any case, it’s a simple solution that gives us plenty of bargaining power. Elfriede will be thrilled to know that her contenders now have new homes.”
Twilight sighed and I held her close to me, though I didn’t take my eyes off of Celestia. She herself glanced at her former student, the rift between them more evident than ever as Luna and I held our tongues to allow them whatever catharsis they needed to reach. It just wasn’t in the cards as long as they themselves were in charge of broaching the subject. I patted Twilight’s back and gestured with my head at Luna. She took my hint and we fucked off in the same direction, ignoring the inquiries about where we were going.
Twilight and Celestia started to follow, so we turned around. “Oi, no.”
Luna folded her arms. “The two of you have things to settle. If you want us present, speak now. Otherwise, handle your affairs.”
Twilight grimaced and ground the tip of her hoof into the floor, holding her arms behind her. Celestia rubbed her cheek, gazing toward the ceiling, up and away from Twilight. Neither of them really seemed ready to have the chat, but I was tired of dancing around it. “Celestia, spit it out. Twilight? Keep an open mind. I’m honestly just… Tired, of you two dancing around this shite whether in letters or in conversation.”
The eldest Princess sighed and glanced at Twilight. “It’s… Not that simple, Max…”
Twilight kicked her hoof a bit. “Breaking your own laws sounds simple enough to me…”
“Exceptions have to be made from time to time, Twilight…” Cherry turned to her, hurt in her twinkling eyes as the sting of betrayal made itself known in her quivering lips. “Twilight… Would you truly wish to see your friends arrested for their mistakes? Or even Max himself? Would you not ask for leniency in the face of foalish choices?”
“... Celestia, you deleted my memories…”
“And I could return them to you at your request, but little would change, Twilight. Max has told you everything…” Sorrow deepened the few lines in Celestia’s countenance, her exhaustion ringing more truly than I’d seen in recent memory. “... I am sorry for deceiving you, Twilight, but… I just wanted to protect you from… From the way the world truly is…”
My lover wrung her hands. “... Protecting somepony doesn’t always mean keeping them in the dark… Sometimes it’s better to know what’s going on so you can be prepared…”
Celestia evidently saw a moment to seize and laid her hand on her former-student’s shoulder. “Twilight… As brilliant as you are… I should’ve had more faith in you. I should’ve trusted that you would understand if I were to just… Take the time to explain…”
I wanted to headbutt a wall and Luna seemed as irritated as I was. Twilight, however, was buying the whole damn bait shop. “Well… We seem to have plenty of time right now…”
Luna nudged me and I took the hint, fucking right off with her towards some side room I’d never been to. Apparently there was going to be a quick rehearsal, so Luna gave me a brief rundown and mentioned a ‘chat’ later in the night. I agreed, she led me to Cadance, and we went through with the pre-cursor to the main event. My part wasn’t difficult and I stood on Cadance’s side anyway, but Spike worried me with the amount of smoke pouring from his nose during the entire event. Shining was fine, everyone else was fine, and Spike himself didn’t seem to get it. Celestia and Twilight had their talk and both chided Cadance for the run-through when they came, though neither seemed to have much affect on the pink Pony Princess. With Sunbutt present, it was a lot easier to ask about Spike and his smoke. It also made me look good in front of Cadance when I changed the subject to my little brother. Cells mentioned that it might be a puberty thing and I wondered if Dragon smoke was good for flavour.
Eventually Luna nabbed me to continue our talk. She almost attempted to exclude Twilight, but apparently my girlfriend is more possessive than I though. That said, the three of us chatted for a bit and that’s about it. Luna and I jabbed at each other, made some comments about people, and took shots at Celestia while sharing a few laughs. Twilight mostly declined chances to comment, but got her little giggles in all the same while trying to make us be ‘nicer’. She missed a lot of the subtext in Luna’s words though, especially when it came to Celestia. She was more annoyed with her sister than she was with me and appreciated the work I’d put in to foil Sunbutt’s unnecessarily convoluted plans. We had a toast to simple things and paying attention, though she was quick to mention that she would’ve pointed it out herself if Twilight failed to do so. My lover had no chance of catching the true meaning of Luna’s words and it was against our best interest for me to answer an unasked question.
The Princess of the Night eventually told me to fuck off and go bother someone who could tolerate my nonsense while she went to take over Court, but it was a fond farewell all the same. Luna liked to pretend that I was little more than an annoyance, but it was fairly obvious that she appreciated my willingness to give her shit and suffer for it. There weren’t many people Luna could actually cut back and relax with, even excluding Cadance from that number according to our conversation. It was somewhat incredible to consider that there was another piece of Equestrian Royalty and Luna would rather take the time to have a casual conversation with me rather than give a fuck about the other Princess in general. It was a real eye-opener as to Luna’s perception of even the others who were supposed to share her station. In other words, she didn’t owe an ounce of respect to anyone who hadn’t earned it from her and that I could appreciate.
Twilight needed some of the conversation with Luna broken down and wandered off on her own to think about it. I didn’t let her get too far before I asked about Spike, but she said he was off writing his book, assuring me that he was fine. She appreciated that I still wanted to check in on him and rewarded my so-called thoughtfullness with an acceptable amount of kisses, though I knew that ‘one more’ would never be enough. Spike wasn’t far from Luna’s Sitting Room, doing his thing exactly as Twilight said. He mentioned that the Bachelor Party was planned, but it kinda sounded lame. Shining isn’t a very interesting guy and Spike is half his age, so I wasn’t surprised to hear that it had mostly been commandeered by the Guard.
After taking my leave from Spike and deciding to not have more talks for the night, I found a place to do just that and had myself a quick little nap-si-doodles. Did I actually need it? No. Did I want it? Kinda. Was it a good way to relax after the days events? Sure. However, the second I woke up, I really hoped that Twilight had thought to bring some weed with her since I was wired and the sun was setting. Sitting up, I noticed that I wasn’t alone in the room and saw Shining and Cadance themselves across from me, having conked out for themselves. I hadn’t heard them come in and was a bit surprised to see them, though it was of little consequence. Shining
niffed suddenly and peered at me before waking up a bit more. Cadance herself, though, was out cold. He carefully laid her against the arm of the couch they’d been on and he caught my gesture towards the door.
We walked out quietly and stood on the patio-balcony thing that allowed us some privacy. I didn’t have anything to say and was frankly done extending olive branches for the day. Shining eventually got the hint and opened the conversation. “... I should probably thank you myself… Without you…”
I shrugged. “Eh, you were being magicked. It’s not exactly your fault, mate.”
“... Are you just being nice because of the situation, or…?”
“You’re not being a dick right now, so I’m not being one either.”
“... Guess I do tend to take shots at you whenever we see each other…”
“Kinda. Anything in particular you wanna talk about?”
“... Max?” Shining leaned against the banister-thing and I waited for him to ask his question. “... What- Is there anything you actually want for rescuing Cadance? For uncovering this strange web?”
I shrugged again. “I don’t need anything for it. Really, I couldn’t call it my good deed for the decade if I got paid for it.”
“The decade?”
“What? One good thing every ten years is reasonable!”
“Not in the slightest!”
“Huh, well that sucks. Guess I have to be less of an arsehole, then.”
Shining puffed out a laugh. “You know… You’re not really someone to take seriously all the time. I think I see that now.”
“Eh, depends on how much I like you. Yeah, I’m happy to just make most people smile and laugh, but you kinda invite my jabs onto yourself, you know?”
“I see it, now that I think about it. You’re more reactionary in that aspect, I guess. Probably doesn’t help that I pretty much always have a bone to pick…”
“It does make it a fair bit harder to get along, to be honest. It’s not like I hate you as a person or anything, mate, we just don't agree on a whole lot. Opposites don’t always attract too well, y’know?”
“Of course not…” He propped his elbows onto the rail and looked out over a portion of Canterlot. I face the other way, waiting for whatever elaboration he was conjugating in that horned head of his. “Max… I’m sure you know what I’m trying to say here… Right?”
I furrowed my brow and widened my eyes. “I’m straight, bruv.”
“Shup up, jackass.”
“Some other time. Might as well just spit it out though, Shiny.”
“Don't call me Shiny… But anyway, I guess I… I just…”
With summer on the horizon coming nearer and nearer by the day, the sun was still dallying on its way to the other side of the planet. Looking over my shoulder, I couldn’t help but grin at the sight of the painted sky and the gold lacing every cloud in sight. “Oi, y’know how they say you should always look for the silver linings, right?”
Shining scoffed. “Been doing that since I found out I’ve been bucking a bug…”
“Tch… Silver linings ain’t shite, Shining. Look at that out there.” I gestured toward the world at large. The sun-drenched spires, shops, and streets. The gilded clouds and windows that glittered in the day’s dying light. The way the shadows of the obstructions played into the majesty of the scene itself. The sky in all its glory proved that the blues are never all that permanent. Letting my gaze fall back on Shining, I smirked and asked, “Why the hell would you waste your time looking for a little good in the bad when you know that sunrise and sunset begin and end every day? The silver linings make it seem a little less shit, but the sky at dusk and dawn?” I made a loose gesture towards the same sight. “... No matter how long that blue sky hangs over you with those heavy clouds… There’s a beginning and end to it all, mate.”
Shining Armour picked himself up a bit, smiling a bit for himself. “... Yeah. You start your day with a gorgeous gift and end it with something just as beautiful… What you go looking for just doesn’t seem to match up to what you already have.”
“Not what I meant, but a solid conclusion.” He shrugged it off, still grinning. “So what do you have to say?”
He snorted and paused for a moment.“... Thank you for watching over Twily… And thank you for not taking Cadance up on that offer back then, even if I gave you every reason to do it.” I sorted at that, but Shining maintained his point. “Look, Max, Cadance is… Amazing… If I were in your shoes… If nothing else, then just for the chance of hooking up with a Princess, but…” He looked at me from the corner of his eye. “... She said that you were even less willing when she brought my name up.”
“... Yeah? And?” He shrugged, waiting for my actual response. “Mate, I just didn’t have a reason to help her ruin what she had. It’s one thing if someone single wants a romp, but she was taken and it wouldn’t have gone well for anyone involved.”
“So…?”
I laughed freely since he was just being thick at this point. “Shining! Honestly, man, just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I fuckin’ hate you. Christ, mate, you might be as paranoid as Luna if this is what you think of everyone!”
“Just the ones my fiancé wants to sleep with.”
“Well, then that-” I paused. “Mate, what?”
He wasn’t facing me, though the blush he wore extended down to his neck. “... Cadance has only ever been with me and… It’s not like I was exclusive or anything… Even before we were official, I’ve at least been with a few mares…”
“And Cadance wants to try someone else for herself.” He nodded. “How do you feel about?”
“It’s only fair-”
“That’s not really what I asked.”
“Well, it’s not like I’m jealous or anything… But it’s still a bit weird…”
… It turns him- “Mate, I uh… Well, Cadance is a gorgeous gal and all, but uh…”
“Yeah, I know… But it’s fine with me, I guess… I mean…”
“Yeah?”
The silence that fell was loaded with awkwardness more so than animosity or tension per se. Guy just told me to go ahead and nail his fiancé, so I thought I had plenty of reason to shut up and try to muddle through that on my own for a bit“... Max, how do you really feel about Twilight?” He turned toward me, apparently not satisfied with the mocking look I happened to be throwing his way. “Seriously, stallion, I need to know.”
“Shining, your sister is hands down the single most adorable, loveable, smartest, sweetest, most loyal, compassionate, goofiest, most…” I puffed out a breath and chuckled with what little was left, finding my words all too easily. “Twilight is… So kind... Empathetic and understanding like no other. Smarter than most people would ever want to be with the attitude of someone who’s never seen a reason to lord anything over someone’s head. Noble in blood, but beyond noble in spirit. Honestly… Twilight’s looks are great; There’s nothing I could do other than love how cute she is and… The way her smile makes the summer sun seem like an ephemeral star-”
“Cool it, lover colt,” Shining chuckled, locking his fingers over the raiing. “... Kinda feels like you’re always going to say the same thing about Twilight. Might use different words, but the meaning seems more consistent than the phrasing.”
“Sounds like you really were reading Cadance’s letters.”
“Of course I was, Max… I just… Our family is really bad at keeping in touch. We trust that the big stuff is gonna get around to everypony eventually-”
“Gotta keep in touch to prove that you care though, mate. You can’t say that it doesn’t touch your heart to get a letter from Twilight, even if you don’t actually read them.”
“... That’s fair.” He inhaled and let out a groan, rubbing his temples. “... I can’t believe I’ve been so dense for so long…” I just looked at him and he eventually rolled his eyes. “Even above the Big Brother Rules, I just didn’t… Have any respect for you. When I met you in the first place, you were busy lording your connections over the curator of the Canterlot Museum and showing off to your mare with Celestia.” I rolled my eyes, but he didn’t stop there. “On top of that, you turn around and show up at Hearth’s Warming with my sister as her special somepony while dating at least one other mare…”
“Equestria is a polygamous country, mate.”
Shining shook his head. “That might be true, but my little Twily is more than enough mare for whatever relationship she has…” I nodded since I agreed, for once. “Dad said that there was something you were hiding from everypony, but Mom said that you were just trying to stay out of the way. Uncle Fancy says you’re a respectable guy who’s not afraid to tear a tail off, and Auntie Fleur said that you were a firecracker that just needed the right kind of flame. I thought she meant you were ready to go off at any moment and that kinda lined up with what everypony else was saying.”
“I kinda do tend to blow up at people from time to time-”
“And yet that’s not what she meant. Fleur meant that your true colours would only come out when someone brought the right kind of catalyst, and… Now more than ever…” Shining shook his head and chuckled lightly. “You and Twilight really do show off the best in each other. Make each other better, from what I can tell.”
“Really, now?”
He raised a brow and gave me a look. “Yeah, because Twilight Sparkle is going to march up to her brother and start going off for any reason. At all.”
I had a giggle at that amusing little detail. “Ah, hell, mate, Twi’s not the wallflower everyone seems to think she is. More like the centerpiece that doesn’t steal the show so much as complement everything else in the room, y’know?”
He blinked. “What?”
… Fuckin’ idiot, aren’t we? “Twilight’s a special case. Speaking of cases, though, your fiance is out cold.”
“Yeah, I’ll get her back to our quarters soon enough. Mad Mare actually wants to go through with everything after we take tomorrow to settle things down.”
“Equestrian mares, man. They are insane.”
“I’d deny that, but it’s still spring.” Shining chose not to comment on the obvious for a few seconds until he decided that he needed to know. “Max… Have you and Twilight… You know…?”
“Nah, we’re waiting more towards marriage, I think-”
“Wait, so you’re really thinking about marrying Twilight?” He asked, chuckling. At the look I was giving him, he said, “No, it’s just… You don’t really seem like Twilight’s type or anything, but I’m guessing that bracelet of hers is from you since she doesn’t care for fashion stuff.”
“Yeah, it’s a bit of form, but mostly function. I know the rings for marriage in Equestria are mostly supposed to be sentimental, but…” I shrugged and Shining may or may not have asked to see some stuff. I possibly could have shown him some stuff, mayhap.
“Wow…” He snorted, staring out across the city again. “... Kinda feel like I could’ve had a few alterations made to Cadance’s ring.”
“Then I’ll take that as a win for the day.”
Shining patted my arm as he stood up. “... Max. Take care of my sister when I can’t. I don’t think there are many stallions who are going to care half as much about her safety as you do when you’re asleep.”
“Tch, if she’s not there when I wake up, I… Honestly get a little scared.”
“Why’s that?”
“... Shining…” I ran my tongue across my teeth and thumbed my nose. “... I woke up in the Everfree with no idea how I got there. No clue where to go for the most part. Vague idea of how to survive, but no actual recollection of what brought me here...”
I wasn’t looking at him, so I didn’t see the look on his face. “... Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. The first being I met on Equus was a River Serpent that mentioned Ponyville as the nearest town. I break the treeline and get tackled by Rainbow Dash before I can even set foot in Ponyville-”
“How?”
“She’s retarded and likes to fly low and fast sometimes.”
“... Sounds about right, but I think you have more to say.”
“... Kinda. Rainbow was the first Pony I ever met. I accidentally pissed her off because I didn’t know that ‘horse’ was an insult on this planet-”
“How?”
“Horses and ponies are both just animals on Earth, Shining. It’s basically the difference between a dog and a wolf, in context. Horses are, quite literally, just big ponies. They have the same amount of legs, look rather similar save for the height and weight, and eat the same stuff. There was never a way for me to learn any kind of Equestrian insult prior to that point. To me, words like ‘nag’ and ‘bronco’ are just terms used to describe a specific species of quadrupedal animal. Basically, it’s ‘bull’, ‘cow’, ‘calf’ to me.”
“... Wow… That… Honestly explains a lot, Max… There’s not really a way for you to know what’s offensive to a Pony per se since you’d yet to meet one of us.”
I gestured toward him, still looking out to the horizon as the twilight neared. “Pretty much. Applejack and Twilight set me straight on the common stuff pretty quickly-”
“When slash how did you even meet Twily? I don’t think either of you ever mention it.”
I chuckled, smiling at what seemed like such a distant memory… “Rainbow chased me into Ponyville while I kept juking her until I could make a clean break. I got a little familiar with the town and decided that knowledge would be the most pertinent thing I could get. I’ve slept in the cold plenty of times and there were decent options with what I already had on me prior to heading to Golden Oaks, so figuring out what the fuck was actually happening to me was more important that trying to set up some kind of camp.” Shining held his silence for once, so I continued after a moment to gather my words. “... I got to the library and almost ran into Twilight on my way in. Don’t know why she was leaving, but it didn’t really matter. Rainbow found me and tackled me from behind like the shithead she is and AJ pulled her off. Words were exchanged and I told the lovely ladies that I was an Alien and Applejack vouched for me, which is how I ended up staying with Twilight.”
“Hold on, Twilight let a stranger stay in her house after he fought her friend-”
“And technically stabbed that friend, but continue.”
“... You worry me, but I know you better now than then, so…” I glanced over in time to see him finish a shrug. “Twilight doesn’t have the best judgement when it comes to Ponies, but I hear that you can’t lie to Applejack.”.
“Shite, it’s not fuckin’ worth it to try.”
“What do you mean by that?”
I snorted. “From the way you were swinging earlier, if you went into a fight with AJ and got mad, she’d fuck you up. Full stop.”
“Tch, and she couldn’t get one over on-”
“Oh, no, Applejack’s already kicked my arse, Bruv. She’s stronger and faster than I am, and her grapple-game is savage. It’s not a fair fight in the slightest since all I have on her is dexterity and cruelty, but even then I don’t like hurting people… Sometimes it’s just more necessary than anyone would like. But anyway, Twilight and I met because I needed to know about Equus, and who better to teach someone with less knowledge on the subject than a foal half my age?”
“... Skipping the fact that you keep fighting mares-”
“Oi, Rainbow attacked me and I didn’t fight back against AJ,” because she pounded me like a cheap whore, “and I resent that, honestly. Most of the fights I get in aren’t really because I’m the one picking them.”
“Anyway, it’s still kind of crazy that you and Twilight met almost completely by chance and forged out a relationship, but… What made you fall for Twilight?” I stared at him. “... I know you said why you love her now, Max, but what about then?” I continued staring at him. “That’s not an answer, Bruv.”
“Shining, I pay a lot more attention than you’re giving me credit for. It doesn’t take a long or a terribly hard look to see the sheer quality of Twilight’s mind and spirit. Even if she was lime green with a bright pink mane, there’s no helping the fact that Twilight’s the best.”
“Tch, I’d argue that Cadance is better-”
“And you’d be wrong, but please.”
He chuckled at that. “I think I’d know a little better than you, bud.”
“I dunno, do you kiss your sister?”
“... No. Just… No.”
“Then Twilight’s better. No contest.”
“I’ll take it as a compliment to my family, I guess… But… You know, there’s always going to be rumours floating around…” I raised a brow at him and he spread his hands, shrugging. “Ponies say you were with Celestia. Just asking.”
“I was.”
“... So what happened with her?”
I held onto the bitterness and squeezed out the truth I thought he could actually handle. “We saw each other and understood what we saw. We were willing to deal with each other and the flaws we’d found. I wasn’t willing to deal with having almost every aspect of my life manipulated or twisted to her whims.”
“Doesn’t sound very healthy.”
I barked out a laugh. “You’re telling me.”
We had another chuckle at that, leaving the rest where we’d found it; In the past. Shining patted my shoulder and fucked off, leaving me on the balcony to do a little more thinking. It wasn’t as though we were magically friends or anything, though it was clear enough that I’d managed to get past Shining’s obligatory hatred. I could’ve sworn that I earned a drop of his respect by the time he teleported himself and Cadance away, but that could just be assumptive of me. After wandering around for a bit, I eventually meandered to the Dining Hall to find that dinner was already over and that Twilight had been looking for me. Apparently it wasn’t urgent enough to send a note, so I located Spike and helped him with his thing. By that I mean I sorted out the bachelor party in like, five minutes by nailing down a time, place, and beverages. The way the Guard had set up Shining’s thing left much to be desired from what Spike told me, so giving him some better ideas just seemed right. Little Bruv paid back my advice by sending a letter for me as thanks, meaning that I got to meet up with Twilight in the Gardens for a moonlit chat.
Twilight and Celestia were waiting for me when I got there, but there wasn’t actually all that much to discuss as far as the wedding went. Cadance was going to finalize shite tomorrow and for the time being, I was going to be her errand boy. Celestia’s smile wasn’t the kindest look I’d seen on her face, but I didn’t think that it’d be too terrible. After all, Cadance was one of my favourite people due to how reasonable she was and Twilight would likely be there to mitigate any awkwardness that might arise during the hours I spent as her ‘attendant’. Sunbutt fucked off to go get whatever sleep she could prior to dawn, leaving me with Cherry, the moon, and the stars above us.
As romantic as it was to gaze upon my lover in the soft moonlight, Twilight had a question that she was none too eager to ask and I wasn’t in the mood to wait for her nonsense. “Lovely end to the day, isn’t it?”
“Better than it could’ve been by a wide margin, I’d say…” Twilight smiled a bit, her cheeks growing a touch rosy as she stared off into the distance, much like her brother.
“Did you bring any Night Cap with you?” She passed me a look that was all too knowing. “Just curious!”
“Mhm, and you’re not asking because you slept for almost three hours earlier?”
“I was tired!”
“Mhm.”
“Oi, I had to maintain telekinesis for like, thirty minutes while marching Chrysalis to Celestia! That shite was taxing!”
“I don’t doubt it, but you really needed a nap?”
“Yes, and I defy you to prove otherwise.”
Twilight patted my forearm, so I offered her my hand and tugged her in my direction. “Eep!” She landed in my embrace back-to-chest and giggled as I made sure she wasn’t going anywhere. “Max, was that necessary too?”
“Eh, you made a cute noise, so it was worth it anyway.” Twilight rolled her eyes and smiled back at me warmly, though there was still a touch of melancholy in her expression. It was in the way her brows raised, yet sloped outwards. Combined with the gentle, inviting curvature of her lips, I couldn’t help but want to know what was weighing on her. “Really, Cherry… Something’s eating you and it’s best to tackle it together, yeah?” She raised her shoulders, and looked down, making me lean around to see her wistful little look. “What is it, Cherry?”
“... You’re really incredible, Max, and I just… I dunno what you see in me…”
“More than I needed to love you, but less than I’d like all the same.” I nuzzled her for emphasis. “Really, Twilight… You’re amazing in your own right, and it’s usually smarter than my way.
She gave me a bit more access and hummed merrily as I kissed and nibbled on her for a bit. “Mm… You might not wanna do that if you want to take care of your sleep schedule…”
I chuckled a bit, knowing all too well that I was playing to her desires more so than my own. “Then we might want to get to bed just in case I change my mind, hm?”
Twilight didn’t need another hint and an hour or two was spent revelling in the day’s victory or something like that. Honestly, I didn’t need a reason to have a ‘midnight snack’, though an occasion wasn’t exactly going to ruin the moment. The next morning had a fair amount of hubbub and faff after we got moving for the day. Shining and Spike had fucked off for the bachelor party thing and Celestia had brought the hammer down according to Cadance’s wishes. Apparently I was going to be accompanying the bride all day, whether I wanted to do so or not. The task itself would’ve irritated me less if I’d had any say in whether or not I accepted it, but Cadance had made a comment about my company and keeping it for the day. What she wanted, she was getting. It could’ve been worse considering that Twilight was coming along anyway. Still, I didn’t want to spend my hours hearing about wedding shite that had nothing to do with me, even if I could glean a few ideas for what I wanted for my own event.
The Bride-to-Be and the Best Mare babbled on and on and on as the day unfolded. Our first stop of the day had been with Fluttershy as she and her birds rehearsed yet again for the ceremony. Cadance was absolutely delighted to hear the unique, natural tones of organized bird-song and Twilight was thrilled with Flutters’ technicality and skill in composing- conducting the song as they sang. It was a ten-minute visit that turned into a hour long chat about a whole lot of… Not much, honestly. Cadance was happy with the result and her requests were apparently in Fluttershy’s wheelhouse, so Twilight marked that shite off of our list and we went on to mess with Dash for a bit.
Rainbow being Rainbow was good at going fast. Her bullet-like nature lent itself well to her task of performing a Sonic-Rainboom save for a few small details. Like a bullet, Rainbow had explosive speed that could get her rather far in little time. While on the vein of ballistic projectiles, Rainbow’s main method of stopping was either smashing into something or losing steam and trying not to smash into something. Between her two options and the fact that a Sonic-Rainboom could kill her if she was- Herself, honestly, Twilight found plenty of reason to do some hardcore maths. Luckily, talking to Dash about flying was a lot like talking to Twilight about science, so their mutual cooperation was almost as natural as gears turning in a watch.
Cadance, however, was the one to make an offhand comment about how Dash was using raw force to make the boom. That led me to asking whether Rainbow had ever coated herself in Pega-Power to go faster, which happened to clue Twilight in on ways to slow our blue friend down before she undid her status of ‘living’ or ‘unmaimed’. The more we chatted, the antsier Dash got until she just took off and decided to start doing runs. She started hitting Rainbooms in the first five and was getting them consistently by the seventh, all while having her velocity damn-near on a leash. It was a bit strange to see Dash… Y’know… Prove it for once, but I could no longer call her all fur-coat and no trousers. Even if I’d yet to see her ever wear a pair of damn trousers since knowing her.
Rainbow touched down with a look so smug, taking a picture would annoy future generations. Why she aimed her smuggly mug at me wasn’t important, but at least she toned it down to confirm that she could do the thing. Twilight and Cadance fed her ego. It was a mistake that I figured I was going to pay for eventually, so I faced the music while it played and gave Dash an honest compliment. She took it well and didn’t even gloat long enough for me to say anything about it, so that was extra cool.
After that, we checked in with Applejack, which could’ve been a lot calmer. The kitchens were running wild with a bunch of different confections, finger-foods, snacks, and general party-food that I honestly didn’t think should go to waste. It may or may not have been my favourite stop and our impromptu lunch in the same pass. When we actually got to sit down with AJ and talk about Cadance’s favourite things, it was a bit of a surprise to find that the Princess didn’t really care for the more upscale dishes. Applejack was skilled from her time with Granny in the kitchen and her days in Manehattan as a filly, so it was actually a bit of a surprise when Cadance pretty much ignored all of AJ’s perfectly tasty hors d'oeuvres in favour of assorted hush puppies. It didn’t stop there and continued with butter and jam cakes, and fuckin’ mini cheese sandwiches. I mean, there were a few other things, but I was far from the only one shocked by the simplicity of Cadance’s palate. Maybe it was the novelty or maybe she really just did eat like a foal, but it wasn’t my place to judge either way.
I still did, but fuck you if you try to prove it.
With my stomach full and still more walking to do, I may or may not have chosen a chair while Rarity blathered to Cadance and Twilight. I may or may not have promptly passed out in that chair while appearing to respond and think deeply upon the questions asked to me. In all honesty, it might’ve been the grace of God that woke me up in time to catch a few sentences here and there. However, it was the last question aimed in my direction that proved there was an Almighty.
“Max, you’ve been paying attention. What looks better with Twilight’s coat?” Rarity huffed, eyeing me evilly.
Twilight seemed frustrated and Cadance was giving me a bit of a look as I rolled my eyes, sniffing to wake myself up a bit more. I tried not to sound drowsy so much as annoyed when I answered. “Look, Twilight’s not going to ‘sparkle’ in pastels, and honesty the darker tones really bring out the vivid, vibrant quality of her eyes. Twilight is a mare who is the highlight; Her clothes don’t need to draw the moth’s eye as much as accentuate the beauty in the flame that’s already there.”
Cadance grinned as my lover beamed at Rarity. “I told you that Max was just thinking! If it was something he really needed to respond to, he would!”
Rarity nodded. “I’ve been proven wrong before, and I have no issue admitting it this time. If I jumped to many more conclusions, I wouldn’t debate on what to have for breakfast.”
“Does anypony remember the hem-style we were going for with the gown, though?” Cadance inquired nonchalantly, having apparently just remembered it.
They all looked at me and I shrugged. “I’m not that gay.”
“We asked you to remember, though…” Twilight replied, a bit put off.
“And I ask if I can touch your bum in public-”
“That has nothing to do with this, Maximus,” Cherry huffed, blushing.
“Well, while you figure out what does have to do with this, I’m gonna take a bathroom break.” I jerked my thumb behind me. “Be right back.”
The ladies waved me off, I got my business done, and Pinkie helped me wash my hands. I didn’t see her when I walked in and I sure as fuck didn't realize that there wasn’t a soap dispenser. I’d never seen any liquid soap anywhere on Equus, let alone a household, plastic dispenser. Pinkie smiled up at me as she pumped some soap into my palm. “Hiya.”
Fuck- No. Don’t react, it’s why she did it. “Oi, how’s it goin’, Pinks?”
“When ya stoppin’ by?”
“Uh… I think you’re next.”
Pinkie turned on the sink and started washing my hands for me. It was weird, so I made her stop and finished up myself. “Good! Y’know, I was meaning to ask, but…”
“Yes?”
“Should somepony keep an eye on the bugs that keep flying around?” Pinkie asked innocently. “What if they crawl into somepony’s ear!?”
“I’d know if you were a Changeling. No one else is Pinkie enough to wash my hands for me.”
“Speaking of washing stuff-”
“Bad. Bad Pinkie.”
“C’mon~”
“Didn’t Twilight talk to you about this-” She raised a fist. “Don’t hit me for-” She threw what was apparently a smoke pellet and vanished, leaving me with some dust in my hair and on my clothes. It could’ve been worse.
When I came back to my pretty much perfect partner, pink pen-pal, and previous punishment-pet and pole-holster, I found Cadance in a chair out cold. Twilight and Rarity told me to leave her alone, but I told them to shove it and asked Twilight to just teleport her to the room she was staying in. She didn’t know where that was, so she teleported to Celestia and asked where it was. A minute or two later, my lover came back with a mild blush and her hands firmly planted over her eyes. Apparently, she’d caught Celestia in the middle of ‘changing clothes’. I asked Cherry if remembered to find out where Cadance’s room was, which she actually had once she’d shaken the shock. We got her into bed and continued checking up on the girls. Without her, we managed to get as far as the door to the room Pinkie was in charge of for the reception before she was back and annoyed that we’d tried to let her rest.
Even while more annoyed than I’d seen her at any point, Cadance was still a sweetheart and knocked before barging into the room Pinkie had been requested to decorate. From first glance, I was actually pretty proud of her. Pinkie hadn’t gone too wild with anything while maintaining Cadance’s colour scheme as the overall motif. Shining’s colours were represented in smaller accents with the tablecloths, napkins, and a tapestry here or there. In other words, Pinkie had been plenty sane while doing shite, even if she warned me quietly to not eat the watermelon. Cadance was thrilled to see the decorations and lauded Pinkie’s team.
Twilight and I shared a fleeting look shortly before Pinkie giggled at Cadance. “Team? There’s no team when it comes to a Pinkie Party until the party starts!”
“Damn, I always wondered, honestly,” I admitted.
Twilight rubbed her chin. “It usually just kind of happens…”
Pinks beamed. “You mean like Cadance getting kidnapped and replaced?”
She got stared at and I officially gave the fuck up on it. When it came to Pinkie, I no longer wanted to obey the laws of reality as I knew them. “Honestly, it’s kind of a piss off that you didn’t say anything, Pinks.”
The little, bubbly mare shrugged. “Sometimes it’s best not to ask. Besides! How was I supposed to explain anything?” Cadance and Twilight openly gaped at her. “It’s not like I know Cadance or anything.”
I nodded as Twilight tentatively asked, “... Pinkie?”
“Yeah?”
“Can- Can you please not?”
“Not what?”
“... I don’t know, but… How did you know!?”
Pinkie shrugged. “I know a lot of things, like that time Max almost slept with Cadance!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Max would’ve told me-”
“Actually, I didn’t,” I cut in, grimacing a bit. My girlfriend stared at me. “I didn’t, though! We both made the conscious choice to not! We actually spent the time talking about-” Cadance nodded when I glanced at her. “Yeah, we actually talked about you after I got done yelling at and charming her.”
Cherry looked at Cadance for confirmation, though the Princess was blushing for some reason. “We really did… I offered and Max made a better choice than I did-”
I waved it off and prepped myself to explain. “Nah, you were hurt and felt betrayed. Most normal people seek some kind of vindication when they are or feel wronged, it just wasn’t the best idea.”
Twilight nodded, not seeming upset while her heart pounded and her cheeks pinkened throughout my explanation. I could almost swear it was a bit of a disappointment to her, but assuming shite isn’t as good as having an educated guess. “Well-”
“What about that steamy kiss?” Pinkie questioned, leaning in for an answer.
I could hear two hearts pound a little harder, but the scents in the air were clear enough that I didn’t need the audio cues. “It was nice and all, probably number three on my list of lips to kiss.”
“Who are the first two…?” Cherry asked, anticipating my answer while biting her lips.
I looked at her like she’d lost her damn mind. “You, on both accounts. C’mon, did you really need to ask?”
“Wha- Oh! Max-” She was smiling, despite trying to be mad. She failed with some genuine giggles, still trying to pull a face. “Ugh, you’re lucky you’re sweet and cute…”
Pinkie appeared to be working some kind of fucking strings since she looked at Cadance before the woman even seemed ready to respond. “What about you?”
“Well, Max isn’t the worst kisser I’ve ever met…
“Twilight’s better,” I commented casually, wondering why Cadance had brought it up. “Her lips are softer than either of ours and she has a few of my tricks on top of her own.”
Cadance nodded as Twilight lightly pushed me. “Max…”
“What? So far, I’m the only one who’s felt all our lips-”
“Mine too?” Pinkie asked, tapping her chin.
“Spin-the-Bottle is better when I land on Twilight, not going to lie here.”
Pinkie pouted and Cadance kind of watched Twilight’s response, specifically the way her lips moved, if my guess was worth anything. “Well, I don’t think anypony other than maybe Rainbow is upset when it lands on you…”
“What can I say? I have to have technique if I want to claim lovely lips like yours as my own. Otherwise, someone who kisses better might steal your affections away from me.”
Cherry sniffed a bit, still not able to fake being irritated. “... You’re just trying to butter me up for something…”
As her boyfriend, I had privileges that allowed me to give her a hug and start peppering her face in kisses. “I’m- not- trying- to- do- anything- untoward-”
Twilight gave me what I wanted, surrendering without much issue before pushing me back softly and stepping away. “Why don’t you go and ask Shining and Spike about the bachelor party while Cadance, Pinkie, and I all get the details of the bachelorette party put together?”
The pink ones were smiling too much and the purple one was being sketchy herself, but I also felt like I was going to come out on top if I gambled with Celestia’s irritation. “You know I’m gonna get in trouble with Sunbutt for ditching you, right?”
Twilight bobbed her head from side to side. “Well, maybe, but I think Celestia would be willing to listen to me about it. At least a little bit…”
“Mhm, yeah, sure. I’m gonna go avoid people then.”
“You are pretty good at that. I’ll find you when we need you, okay?”
I dropped a quick kiss on her and waved myself off, heading out of the party room and into some other random place I didn’t actually have a reason to visit. Not knowing what Twilight was putting together had me curious to no end, but with plenty of time left in our day and all of it to spend with Cadance, I knew it was going to be a bit before I could enjoy myself. Knowing that I probably shouldn’t be caught away from my lover and the bride, I took my happy arse out to the Gardens via a window on the same side of the castle. I mean, I was trying to avoid being caught from the inside, and plus it let me find this awesome spot behind some bushes that was like, perfect for another nap if I wanted to take one. I didn’t and you can’t prove me wrong, though it was still a bit of bother to hear Twilight calling for me.
I poked a couple leaves and branches out of the way so I could stay hidden and saw that Celestia’s bitch-arse was with Cherry. Sneaking towards the castle wall didn’t do me any favours when I got teleported in front of them. Stretching seemed like the most natural thing to do, so I did. “Oi, how’s it going?”
“Max…” Celestia started.
I looked at Twilight. “You said it was fine.”
“I did, but…” My girlfriend had a little smile on her face, though it was a touch apologetic.
Celestia cleared her throat. “I believe Cadance is waiting to give you quite the earful.” At my salty look, she shook her head. “You shouldn’t have left, Max. You honestly had one job-”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I slack when I can afford to do so, apparently.” Twilight still wouldn’t meet my eye, so I just sighed. “Seriously though, Celestia, Cadance herself more or less said-”
“And a mare is allowed to change her mind. I understand, Max, but still.”
I shrugged. “Eh, we both know that whinging about it is only gonna get neither of us very far-”
“The way you flippantly assault linguistics truly is a marvel sometimes, Max. It truly is.”
“Twilight? Can we get a teleport out of this current situation?” I asked politely.
My lover looked at Celestia. “Um… Goodbye?”
“Yes, take your headache along with you, please.”
She and her former student had a little giggle at that, though it was just Twilight giggling after she teleported us. I hadn’t asked where we were going and I didn’t know exactly how long I’d been gone, but Cherry didn’t give me much time to ask. “So, Max…”
Nope, not yet. “Did you and Celestia sort it all out or what?”
“We… Had a long talk…”
“I noticed. You barely made the rehearsal.”
“... It was awkward…”
“Twilight, you know I’ll listen to you. I try with you more than anyone.”
Twilight grimaced a bit. “... It’s just… Max… I know Celestia’s talked to you about me before, and you’ve probably said plenty to her about me-”
“Cherry, she’s my ex and the ruler of the country. In that order.”
My lover giggled a bit, giving me a look. “Equestria’s always going to come first to her, Max.”
“Yeah, and I wish that my happiness actually mattered to her, but it didn’t.” I shrugged. “In all honesty, I never told you that my main hang-up with getting into a relationship with Celestia was the fact that I already loved you and couldn’t understand what the feeling was. Afterwards, she fucked me over more than anyone else I’ve ever met and it eventually led me to understand what you were to me.”
“And Celestia sees that too…”
I bit my bottom lip. “... Then she’s more observant than I gave her credit for.”
“Pretty insulting there, Amour…”
“Celestia didn’t recognize the fake Cadance.”
“Fair enough, then.” She rubbed her forehead. “... Ugh… I don’t wanna ask you…”
“You’re better than Celestia, and I’m assuming sex is gonna be better with you too.”
“Not what I meant, Amour, but thanks…?”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “I don’t know what you meant, but I’ll elaborate a bit anyway; Celestia only trumps you in wealth, status, height, cleavage, and kinkiness. You’re better in every way, Twilight, you’re just not tall, nor do you flaunt your wealth or relative influence.”
She offered me a meagre smile, not seeming quite convinced. “... Max… I… I really love you… I love you enough to want to know as much as I can about who you are and what your past is. What you want in the future… What you want to be and what you want to be happy…”
There was no longer a reason to smile. “Why do you think I need anymore than you and who you are to be happy, Twilight?”
She bit her lips briefly before smiling at me, her fears apparently assuaged for the time being. “I guess I don’t have a good answer to that… But…”
Twilight paused long enough for me to say, “Always listening, Cherry. Always willing to understand.”
“... Why- Well… What made you forgive Celestia? After all she’s done.”
I snorted softly, that pang of sorrow hitting deeper than I wanted it to. “... I never said that I forgave her. I just want to forget, Twilight, but forgetting is a fool’s errand… I’ll never forget that Celestia let me be raped and killed without justice. She doesn’t deserve the forgiveness since she’s the same cunt she’s always been.”
Twilight’s nervous smile had melted into a face of shock at the depth of my bitterness. “... Oh…”
I shrugged. “... I can trust Celestia until the sun dies, Twilight, but it’ll always be a mistake. I never asked you to forgive, only to understand. I might understand her methods myself, but it doesn’t mean I condone them.”
“... She isn’t aware of how you really feel…”
“That’s her own fault.”
“Right, but uh… I wanted to talk about something else.”
“Ask.”
“Well...You almost slept with my brother’s fiance.”
Ah, fuck. This is bullshit. I don’t- “Well, yeah, but I think the fact that I didn’t should count for brownie points, or something-”
“Max, I-” Twilight paused and rubbed her cheeks, so I glanced around and saw that we appeared to be in another random room, save for the fact that Cadance’s colour scheme was present. “Max… Do you think Cadance is…?”
“Pretty? Yeah. She’s a looker.”
“And she’s pretty pleasant too, right…?”
“Most definitely…” At this point I was putting puzzle pieces together left and right since the corner pieces were already laid out, happy to leave the oldest Princess out of the conversation. Don’t tell me cuckolding runs in your bloodline, Cherry. “What are you getting at, Twi?”
“I just… Wanna know if you’d like to accept a… Token of Cadance’s gratitude…” She held her arms behind her back, blushing up a storm while glancing at me from time to time.
“Twilight, is Cadance asking to sleep with me?”
“W-Well, I’d be watching so it wouldn’t be as weird!” Oh, yeah, that totally makes it less weird. “A-And um… W-Well, it’d be nice to…” She murmured something that even my ridiculous hearing couldn’t pick up on.
“Twilight Starbright, are you saying that it turns you on to think of me giving Cadance some Quality Time?”
“... If I say yes, will you judge me for it?” Cherry asked hesitantly, waiting for me to confirm her fears.
“Silly question, but it kind of makes me wonder if you’ll be able to just sit back and watch.” She shrugged and smiled to herself, ignoring my implied inquiry. “So um… I don’t mean to ruin it all by asking one too many questions, but I… Kinda need to know this one, Cherry…”
Her brows knit together as her fingertips met, steepling together while she maintained that bashful, anxious little grin. “I’ll answer as honestly as I can…”
“Do you have some sort of crush on Cadance or…?” She kind of just gave me a blank look, so I tried to elaborate. “I mean, it’s just that you seem to enjoy seeing me with other women that you’re fond of and all, so I kind of just wondered, y’know?”
“Well… I really do admire Cadance…” Twilight peered away from me and spoke mostly to herself, looking in the general direction of a certain, mostly inaudible thumping. “And she really does have some great kisses-”
“Oh my God, Twilight!”
“What!? You practically gave her a glowing endorsement!”
I chuckled my bloody head off. “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean you have to see for yourself!” I let the pearly-whites make themselves known while I tried not to giggle at her. “Honestly, though, now I need to see what she says about your lips.”
“So… That means you’re not opposed to spending some Quality Time with Cadance, right?”
“I’d love to as long as it’s fine by you.”
“Then…” Twilight glanced off to a wardrobe that had hidden the owner of the soft thumping I’d noticed. “Cadance…?”
The Princess herself peered around the thing and I kind of felt like the popular wanker in some anime that had an NPC-level anime girl just alley-oop her friend into my bed or something. While I wasn’t expecting a lap pillow or harem in my near future, I did expect to find my face between someone’s legs in the next ten to thirty minutes as Cadance asked, “Oh! Are- Are we doing this now?”
Twilight shrugged and tried to get an answer from me while I was giggling. “I guess so, but I also don’t really know how these things go…”
“Well, I’m gonna…” I glanced toward the ring of sofas and seats, then gestured toward it as I made my way over. “I’m gonna have a seat.”
Cadance and Twilight joined me on either side and I put my arms around them, turning up the charm a bit while Cherry seemed to quiet down. “You know, Cadance, your perfume really compliments your natural scent.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean your perfume is floral and it plays well with the candy-like scent you have naturally.”
“I- I smell like candy…?” The Pink Pony Princess posed her ponderance and I nodded. “Well, so do you, honestly.”
“He tastes like it too…” Twilight murmured.
Cadance bit her lip. “If memory serves, then I might have noticed…”
“Then why don’t we refresh your memory to be sure?” I asked, already leaning in for the smooch.
Apparently getting lost in a little lip-lock wasn’t all that unusual since Cadance seemed rather content with snogging for a while, though she jumped the gun the moment she noticed that I was getting stiff. Twilight stopped her when she went for my zipper and I led her hand to my shoulder, hoping that she’d clue in on it before long. “Max… You’re kind of driving me crazy here…” Cadance intoned impatiently.
Twilight and I giggled at her a bit. “Candy Arse, we haven't even-”
“Candy Arse?” Cadance’s brow furrowed.
“Don’t worry about it; It’s just a nickname. Also, how quick are your quickies?”
“We didn’t say anything about ‘quick’...” Twilight commented.
Cadance blushed. “W-Well, I’m just… A little more used to things going a bit faster, is all.”
“I can speed things up a bit if you want, but I like to take my time with this kind of thing.”
The Princess glanced at my girlfriend, her cheeks plenty rosy as she came to her decision. “Well, it- it wouldn’t hurt to go a little faster, but… I-I don’t know…”
Back out now, love. It matters less now than it will in an hour. “Cadance, if it’s not what you want, I’m not disappointed on too many levels. Sex is great and all, but-”
“Max, I’ve… Thought of being with you plenty of times, it’s just…”
She’s down, just nervous. I can work with that. “If your hooves are a little chilly, then maybe I should just take over and we’ll see where it goes?”
Cadance nodded and so I left a few more kisses on her lips to remember me by prior to making a couple of misses that started leading from her cheek to her jaw, then down her neck. Her breathing hitched as I continued trailing kisses toward her collar. I’d just decided to get rid of the lovely, unnecessary dress she was wearing when I felt Twilight’s hands over mine, undoing the ties in Cadance’s apparel as I got back to business. Cherry, as excited as she was, allowed me to brush the shoulders of the dress down a bit and keep Cadance’s attention until the pink Princess balked a bit. There was a quick change of scenery thanks to some handy-dandy magic. The bedroom we found ourselves in was a lot more appropriate for a pre-marital affair, though the lack of anyone locking any door at any point crossed my mind.
We were just getting back to business when Cadance tried to put her expectations on me. “I-I usually take care of Sh-Shining before-” I shut her up with my lips and guided her hands to the buttons of my shirt, feeling Twilight come around to free me of my jacket. Cadance wasn’t a slouch by any means, but I was still holding the majority of the momentum when she finished and let Twilight whisk away the obstacle.
(Ctrl+F Scene is Over to Skip, I guess)
Her dress hit the floor and Twilight made sure it was out of the way, allowing me the freedom to appreciate Cadance’s physique and choice of lingerie while my lover undid my buckle with magic. Cadance was wearing a nervous little smile, taking the lead from Twilight’s mild push and stripping me of both my trousers and boxers. Normally, I would’ve just let her have the moment, but I wasn’t really taking on the challenge for myself. Having had Shining and Twilight both hint and push me toward sleeping with Cadance lit a flame of cuckolding within me that kind of made me feel like a cunt. It also made me feel like the hottest cock to ever rock the henhouse, so I wasted no time in taking my member from Cadance’s grasp, even if she’d given the tip a pleasant little kiss.
Cadance was a little confused when I pulled her to her hooves. However, she didn’t pull away or object when initiated another, considerably more passionate kiss. Having both of us standing made it a lot easier to enjoy the full experience of Cadance’s affections, though she was definitely more straightforward than most. She’d already felt and seen my arousal for herself as it had been mounting, but apparently she didn’t know that the wedding tackle doesn’t just get hard and stay hard until the pressure releases. When she felt the fact that I was more of a grower than a shower, Cadance broke the kiss for a second and gasped.
“Hm?” Soft hands, soft lips, soft arse…
“Stars above… I didn’t think it had that much more to grow!”
Twilight giggled a bit from nearby. “Kissing is a really big turn on for Max, so…”
Cadance glanced at Twilight and stroked me softly, hesitating for whatever reason. “I-Isn’t it a little strange to be…?”
“What?” My precious little lover asked.
“Being the only one in the room fully clothed?” I asked, trying to clarify for myself.
Cadance nodded along. “It’s just a touch odd…”
Twilight flushed and held her hands together, so I gestured for her to come toward us and let Cadance have a little more fun for herself. As much as the Princess was interested in trying me out for herself, there was a bit of a glimmer in her eye while her hands trembled on Twilight’s buttons. A bit of restraint heightened the mood, though Twilight evidently hadn’t felt my hand resting on the button of her skirt. Unfastening it let me unzip her a couple of seconds later, soon leaving her and Cadance in similar states of dress. Cherry, as beautiful as she is at pretty much any given moment, seemed to be embarrassed despite the fact that her being more involved was always a possibility.
Cadance got a quick kiss from Twilight before I stole her attention. Cherry herself wasn’t going to go without a smooch of her own, though she seized the next opportunity to exit the heat of the moment and observe from the middle of the bed, allowing my hands to familiarize themselves with the hills and valleys that made up Cadance’s modest curves. Feeling her expensive knickers let me know that I still had the teasing touch, as damp as they were. Cadance held my hand to her vulva and practically glared at me, lust in her gaze along with a touch of frustration.
I pushed her back until she met the bed. Our friendly little helper pulled Cadance onto to the mattress and let me follow at my own pace, murmuring into the nervous Princess’ ear while I spread her legs apart. “Wh- What are you doing, Max?”
“Getting a good look~”
Cadance giggled timidly before gasping. “Twi- Twilight…”
Taking my eyes off of the short-term goal showed me that Cherry was getting a bit proactive herself, having slipped her hands under Cadance’s bra to feel her natural softness. I’d thought Candy Arse was a bit more receptive than usual, but apparently she was just that damn sensitive. It would’ve been less obvious if I didn’t know that Twilight had a feathery touch when enjoying a more feminine partner, or if I couldn’t see that Twi was barely toying with her. Kissing my way up her thighs as Twilight teased her breasts proved to be plenty of stimulus for the Princess. She squirmed, her soft cries all-too melodious for what little effort I’d actually put in.
Twilight removed Cadance’s bra and got a kiss for it, though I made them take a moment so I could lock lips elsewhere. Peeling Candy Arse’s panties off was a bit amusing since her knickers had more layers than I’d thought and she’d been far more aroused than she’d let on. Her bright pink nipples were a touch thicker than I’d assumed and her areolas a bit larger, though all it seemed to do was lend itself to the pleasure controlling Cadance’s more erratic movements. Looking back to her sodden lips, I wasn’t surprised to see that Cadance was pink through and through, though I wasn’t actually all that excited to dive straight into her taffy tunnel.
I’d just run my hands up her thighs, spreading her legs again so I could get ready when she started cumming again. “Oh- oh dear… Oh dear… Oh dear…”
My lover was barely toying with her and I had yet to actually do anything worthy of note. “Lord, Cadance, I know now’s not the moment, but your sex life must not be that great.”
“It- It’s fine- Fine how it is~” She protested, failing miserably when Twilight rolled her former caretaker’s tender nubbins between those dainty little digits of hers.
Cherry seemed pretty satisfied so far. “Just give him a moment or two~ It can feel even better than this~”
Cadance’s whimper seemed kind of uncalled for. “How- How do you know this stuff!?”
Twilight giggled a bit, amused at Prude-ance’s sensitivity. “Max knows mares and I know Max~”
“Y-Yes, but-” I gave her a test-taste to see if I was actually going to bother with it and caught a little spurt of squirt to the face for my troubles. “Yu~uuh! M-Max, did you j-just lick me!?”
“... Yes?” I scoffed, wiping my face off and getting a far superior taste of her.
“Just relax, Cadance… Maybe act like you’ve had an orgasm before~” My lover teased, saying what was actually on the tip of my fucking tongue.
“I’ve climaxed before- Just- Just not from this kind of thing! Who actually do-hu-hu-hooo~”
It took me longer to process what she’d said than it did for Cherry. “Wait… You mean you’ve never peaked during-”
“Mm! Twilight! M-Max! I-I-” She exhaled hard when I ceased my endeavours. Her quaking and shaking wasn’t exactly expected at the moment. “Ohmigosh… Ohmigosh…”
I shrugged and gave her clit a flick with my tongue to see how she was really feeling about it, but Cadance was too sensitive for that shite. “Huh.”
Twilight laid her down and leaned toward me for a kiss, staying my hands when I tried to clean my face off prior to meeting her in the middle. Cherry took care of it for me using her tongue, and as weird as it always was, I accepted that it was her current method of marking her territory. As it was, she barely seemed to register that I’d unhooked her bra, though I was incredibly aware of Cadance’s legs while her chilly hooves occasionally touched me. Pulling away from Twilight, I whisked her bra off and tossed it away from Cadance’s knickers, partially because I was totally going to keep the latter as a prize.
My lover covered her chest with one hand for all of two seconds before looking at Cadance and her proximity to my rod. Cherry licked her lips and scooted a bit so that she could lay next to her older acquaintance. I was pretty certain that I wasn’t the driving force at the moment, but I also felt like I was welcome to dip my shaft into Cadance as I pleased. Then she and Twilight started snogging and it just became too much to bear anymore. I teased Cadance with the tip, making her moans into Twilight’s mouth. The eldest in the room broke her contact with my girlfriend to see where we were connected, nibbling on her lower lip as she witnessed my rod splitting her lips.
I fed my length into Cadance’s hot, eager, narrow entrance, knowing that my meat was more interesting to her than my gaze, at least while I was judging how deep I could go with her. Oddly enough, Cadance reminded me of Applejack in the way I stopped short, feeling a wall preventing any further progress. As I gently pushed against it, Cadance let a low, shaky moans escape her lips. Twilight was none too shy about raising the stakes, taking it upon herself to taste Cadance’s pert breasts before I could have the honour for myself. With no reason to do anything other than what I felt was right for the moment, I eased myself into a slow, irregular rhythm that allowed me to feel more of Cadance and her tightness while building another orgasm for her, though it took me getting squeezed out twice to learn that it was best just to leave it in while she was climaxing.
Having seen Cadance’s hand flicker from underneath Twilight while my lover was tending to her breasts, it wasn’t much of a surprised to see Twilight throw one of her stocking-clad legs over Cadance to get a little more out of the experience for herself. It also let Twilight get an up-close and personal view of my cock as I thrust into Cadance, grinding my length against her walls. My girlfriend found that there was more she could do that observe from the position she was in when I pulled all the way out for once and let Cadance’s juices drip from me.
With the bride to be begging for my rod and her fiance’s sister being the reason she wasn’t enjoying at the moment, I took a second to realize that I was living a very odd life. I also heard a door open shortly after Twilight used her tongue to guide me back into Cadance. I’d been pistoning my rod into her to see how hard she would cum when said door opened, not affecting my mounting orgasm in the slightest since I ignored the fuck out of the interruption prior to hearing a little ‘Oh’ escape the worst possible mouth(s).
Glancing over my shoulder had me making eye contact with Shining Armour and Spike while Twilight was gobbling my bellend. From their lucky, blessed angle, I didn’t think it was possible at all for them to see their sister work my rod and lead me right back into Shiny’s fiance/Spike’s sister-in-law. I waved. Shining waved. Spike turned around and giggled his fucking head off before Shining closed the damn door. I’d slowed down a little too long and Cadance whined about being too close, yet too far for me to stop.
… I honestly would’ve called it a solid session and stopped, but while I was getting back into the mood, I ‘slipped’ and accidentally rammed my rod straight down Twilight patiently waiting throat. I tried to apologize for my lack of control until she pulled me closer, swallowing my length down deeper until her tongue lulled out of her mouth and tickled my testicles, forcing me to spend a load in her mouth with no further arguments. Whatever had got into Twilight had evidently gotten into me around the time my lover whirled around to share my load with our partner of the evening. I could barely see Twilight and Cadance as they swapped my ‘sweet’ cream between themselves, though I also really didn’t want to look away from Twilight’s drenched lips or the panties that were still covering her bum.
Fucking Cadance was great, full stop. However, I felt her hand against my midsection and pulled out since that was pretty much universal for ‘Can’t talk, please stop’. As loathe as I was to free myself from the confines of Cadance’s quim, Twilight’s fingertips danced along my rod the second I was fully out, bumping against my lover’s own warm, inviting slit. Twilight looked back at me and let my tip rest against her lips, rubbing my helmet against her entrance a few times. As ready as I’m sure she felt, it was obvious from the moment I got the entire tip in that Twilight wasn’t as ready as she wanted to be, though she refused to let me pull out. Cadance kissed, coddled, and fondled her from below while I caressed her back and was honest about how incredible Twilight felt with just the tip, her folds were like nothing else and her tightness was incomparable, which was probably why she wasn’t having as good a time as Flutters did when I’d popped her cherry. Twilight actually managed to climax on like, the bare minimum of my rod, which was… A bonding moment like no other, I’d say.
Cadance eventually demanded that she have a turn on top since I’d been nailing her to the bed more effectively than her man ever had, though she didn’t actually say that. In any case, as much as Twilight enjoyed having easier access to Cadance’s assets, I ended up with Cadance’s hooves on my shoulders and my fingers in my lover before too long. While they shared another snogging session without me, I came dangerously close to forgetting my last-minute plan. I pulled out just in time to line up with Twilight’s lips and use the plentiful lubrication to slid into her once more. Twilight didn’t let me go too deep, but I still spilled my seed in her before Cadance, then finished off in the older woman with a special occurrence; The Double Dip.
I didn’t know what else to call it when a man gets a good nut off, stops, and then continues for another wave of pleasure nearly as good as the first, but I’m naming it the double dip. It doesn’t matter now and it didn’t then, though Twilight seemed a little shocked that I’d been able to cum without actually breaking her hymen. I’d just come down from the last of my climax when Cadance reached into Twilight’s nether regions and received a little whimper and a bit of my seed for her troubles. Candy Arse was triumphant while slurping my semen from her fingers, but Cherry was in no mood to be outdone. Mounting her former babysitter once more, Twilight used her tongue to explore Cadance more thoroughly than I could, that’s for sure.
By the time Cherry was actually done and had decided to join Cadance, the youngest Princess I knew of was gasping for breath. Seeing them swap-spit again was hot and all, but I really wanted Twilight and all that came with her. Cadance could suck a cactus for acid; I wanted Twilight, but I knew I wasn’t going to get her just yet. Cherry climbed over me so that she and Cadance were on either side, which was also when I learned something strange; my nipples were actually kind of sensitive. Given that we’d already been busy for damn near four hours, I tried not to convince Cadance for another round and failed to… Not convince her?
She got dicked down again and I was still winning Sex-Golf, or whatever the fuck we were playing.
My lover evidently thought that every load I was giving Cadance needed to be checked for quality or something since she kept wearing our pink partner out after I got done with her. Twilight turned to me and opened her mouth, showing me the ludicrous amount she’d collected this time around. I’d known that I was a bit backed up, but I hadn't expected to give her a damn-near literal mouthful on the second or third load. Twilight closed her mouth and Cadance was in her face like, a second later for another kiss. Maybe it was the fact that Cadance and Twilight had history or maybe it was the fact that Cadance could probably adopt Spike and be the correct age as his mother, but either way it was still insanely enticing. Watching Twilight dominate another woman, especially one that was taller, older, and supposedly more experienced than her was rather interesting and made me wonder if she had a domineering streak in her at all. Not that it mattered much to me; I was enjoying myself far too much to worry about ending up in bed-straps for a night later on.
Once they’d had their fun, I saw each of them swallow and Twilight gave me a half lidded look. “Mm… Max? I think you might need to save Princesses more often~”
Cadance rolled onto her back. “Wow.”
“‘Wow’ what?” I asked.
“I didn’t mean anything by it-” Cherry tried, though Cadance just waved her off.
“Honestly, I’d get foalnapped again if that’s my welcome wagon every time.” Cadance hand plopped to the mattress while Twilight and I settled in on either side. “... Really though… Is that- Well, is this…?”
“We don’t exactly have threesomes scheduled or anything,” I teased.
“That’s probably not a bad thing, but it really wasn’t my question at all…”
Twilight hummed. “Do you mean ‘Is this just how Max does intimacy?’?”
Cadance blushed hard, answering the question and saying far more than she intended without even opening her mouth. “... I genuinely never thought sex could be like that... I mean, I’m guessing that you two... Climax, a little less often when it’s just you-”
“Not really,” Twilight answered truthfully. “I’d usually be asleep if I had all of Max’s attention right now.”
“There would’ve been more snogging if it was just me and Twilight, but your lips are rather nice. A pleasant second.”
Cadance looked to my purple piece of perfection and whispered, “... You go longer than this…?”
“Yes?”
“... How often?”
“Uh…” Twilight propped herself up to look at me. “... You usually keep track…”
I shrugged as Cadance rolled over to see my reaction. “Depends on how much time we spend together in the week and where we’re at for the night. Not like I won’t try something if I feel the mood could get a little boost from it, though.”
“Mm, like the bonfire~”
“And our date-day in Canterlot~”
Twilight giggled and Cadance sighed, chuckling softly. “Oh, dear… You two are going to have your hands full with each other if either of you are this voracious in the future.
My lover laughed it off since she knew what the truth was. “That’s just Max, Caddie. If other mare’s opinions are anything to go by, then Max is just about the only stallion who sees Quality Time as an equation to solve. I can honestly say the only time he doesn’t leave me walking a bit funny is when we have to do something afterwards, and even then he’ll still go a bit overboard.”
The ladies chuckled as I let my ego swell a bit, but we shuffled around and dried the bed off with magic before anyone could get bogged down in basking for too long. Twilight put her head on my chest and Cadance rested on my shoulder, proving my assumption that we were going to get up as wrong as most. However, my lover had a question or two. “So uh… Was there anypony at the door, or was it just my imagination?”
I rubbed her ears and she sighed. “You don’t want to know, Cherry.”
“I really hope he didn’t recognize us.” Cadance sighed.
“Oh, he knew who I was for certain. No doubting that one. Seriously, though, did no one lock the damn door?”
“We didn’t…” Cadance sighed. “We thought Twily over here was going to curate everything, remember?”
I pinched her for mocking my accent. “Oh yeah.”
“Seriously, though, who was that?” Twilight asked. “I mean, I don’t want to be caught doing this kind of stuff by anypony, but you two seem to think that it was like, the worst possible pony.”
“Define ‘pony’.” I sighed.
Cadance popped up looking kind of mortified. “Ohgoshno…”
“... Please don’t tell me it was Shining.” Twilight pleaded
Cadance and I shut up
“Oh. Oh my gosh. Oh my bucking gosh. It was him, wasn’t it!?
We said nothing.
“I can’t believe my big brother just caught me doing-”
I leaned over and kissed Twilight so she would stop talking because I wasn’t really trying to hear it and I doubted that Cadance really wanted to deal with it at the moment. Considering that it wasn’t just Shining, I didn’t need her to think too hard about it. And just for the record, I couldn’t taste anything other than strawberry wine, so I figured it was fine to snog her thoughts away for a little long. It sucked hard that we’d been caught red handed, but then again, it was fucking hilarious. After pulling away from Twilight, Cadance made a jealous noise and I shared with her too because Cherry is too sweet to enjoy all by my lonesome. We rested for a few more minutes before Twilight decided to clean me up without me ever having to ask, leading Cadance in an attempt to fellate me.
My lover knew my weaknesses and Cadance wasn’t ‘used to dealing with something so big’, so Twilight took the opportunity to prove that she and her mouth did amazing things. The Princess with the pitiful sex life elaborated a bit on the lackluster nature of her fifteen second rounds with Captain Condom, the two-pump chump. Twilight was a little too busy to comment on the conversation, though, so I was free to advise as I saw fit. However, as with all good things, our time together was coming to an end and we all needed to get back to life outside of our little tryst.
There was a bit more cleanup to, so Cadance cleaned herself and Twilight up with magic while I just took a shower instead of being lazy. Cadance couldn’t walk straight, so Twilight cast a spell she’d learned from the Pony Sutra to help her get on her feet again, though the taffy tasting woman winced from time to time when she stepped in the wrong way. She mentioned that she was still incredibly sensitive, so I gave her flank a spank and told her to have fun trying to get around for the rest of the day. That comment made us check the clock, and between foreplay, sex, and a little basking in the afterglow, we’d eaten up nearly four hours.
(Ctrl+F Scene Is Over to Skip)
The three of us needed to hurry our arses to supper, so Twilight teleported us just outside of the dining hall so we could enter politely. Cadance went in first while I waited with my lover, trying not to smile like the dumbarse I was. Another butler guy announced our presence a few minutes after Cadance went in, leaving me all too aware that there hadn’t been much time between all of us getting there and the fact that she’d been a bit unsteady while walking in. Twilight herself wasn’t much better. I was grateful to see that Shining was late in joining us for dinner, though Rarity and Applejack were quick to bring up the fact that we’d practically disappeared for a sixth of the day.
I explained that Cadance and Twilight were catching up on the time they’d missed and that I’d tagged along since I had a vested interest in both of them. My mostly truthful statement seemed to quell any other questions. Celestia rolled her eyes at my rubbish and Luna looked a little annoyed that she was hearing about it for some reason, but neither of them said anything. Shining joined us later in the evening and refused to meet my eyes, blushing whenever I spoke. Spike was handling the event like a champ and had plenty of giggles to share around the table. He knew better than to jab at me, but Shining tried to nag him a bit and I walled that off. It wasn’t good to have Spike asking too many questions about who I’d been shagging, whether he knew who it was or not. The both of them probably knew that Cadance was present and penetrated, though I started to wonder if Spike thought I was pounding another pink Pony’s pussy. I rather severely hoped that Twilight’s thigh highs had been enough to make her brothers think that her coat was a different colour if they’d seen anything at all. Twilight refused to look at her Shining for the duration of dinner and Cadance seemed a little off, but other than that, the meal was perfectly fine. At the end of the day, I could still thank what luck I had that Cherry didn’t know how closed she’d come to being caught with my length in her throat while I was making eye contact with her siblings.
When everyone had gotten their fill and I’d practically devoured half the table by myself, people started filing out of the Dining Hall until Celestia asked me to stay behind. I figured I knew what it was about, so I told the girls to have a good night and gave Twilight a kiss before she joined them and the soon-to-be royal couple in leaving with a wonderfully awkward air between them. Luna and Celestia moved to sit on the side of the table I was sitting on, leaving me sandwiched with two mares who smelled entirely too good for the time of year. Spring Heat was almost over, but Celestia had been acting pretty erratically and Luna had been somewhat sweet during our last conversation, leading me to believe that I might be in a smidge of snu-snu-related danger.
Celestia cleared her throat. “You know, Max-”
“-We have heard quite the interesting rumor,” Luna continued
“Right, yeah.” I replied. “Can you not do the tag team thing?”
“We could stop-” Luna started.
“-But we won’t,” Celestia finished
I sighed. “Okay, can one of you just say the rumor?”
“We’ve heard whisperings in the Castle-” Celestia grinned.
Luna nudged me. Come the fuck on- “-Mentions of cries of passion coming from a private room.”
“It wouldn’t be an issue-”
“-If people weren’t saying they heard two different women.”
“Two familiar voices~” Sunbutt sang.
“Alright, I had a bit of a threesome with Twilight and Cadance,” I stated bluntly. “What? Am I not allowed to use my God-Given dick?
Celestia cheered while Luna groaned. “Yes! I called it! And you said it was going to be the longest shot you’d ever seen!” She gloated.
“Be silent, sister. No one likes a braggart,” Luna huffed tersely.
“Wait, hold up, did you guys seriously bet on whether or not I’d get myself involved in a threesome?” I asked.
“No, we bet on who the threesome would be with.” Celestia explained. Goddamn, I’m… I’m not that slutty, am I? “I said that it would be Cadance and Twilight, but Luna took the safe bet with Rarity or Fluttershy paired with Twilight.”
“Celly cheated,” Luna huffed.
“I did not. Max, did I push you and Cadance together at all?” Celestia asked. How the fuck should I know
“Not really, but you more or less let her get it in her head that I saved her life on my own. Speaking of that faff in general, do you know if Shining knows?”
“If his inability to look at you during dinner is anything to go by, I’m going say he figured that you were laying Cadance, but most likely didn’t suspect Twilight at the same time.” Luna chuckled.
I sighed. “Man, I really hope he wasn’t staring at my arse. I mean, I’m sure it’s nice, but I’m not trying to turn him on accident.”
“What about on purpose?” Celestia asked with a playful smile.
“Oh, I rather like the thought of that. The Captain of The Guard getting dominated by everyone’s favourite Human sounds like it would be interesting to watch.” Luna licked her lips.
“That’s what I want for my birthday next year, No exceptions.” Sunbutt grinned and it was an evil sight to behold.
“Oh come on-” I protested.
“His back or his belly?” Celestia giggled.
I glared at her before reaching over to rub her stomach. Celestia looked at me like I’d just shoved my hand down her pants until she gave me a moment to get started. She started leaning back in her seat and let me do what I wanted like a good little tummy slut, so I turned to Luna “Do you want a tummy rub too, or do you want to watch?” I asked.
Celestia mumbled something, making Luna nod. “Interesting. I suppose a Pony willing to get over the inherent unpleasantness of having their tummy rubbed would enjoy it after all.”
“You want one, or are you taking a looksee?”
“... How wrong is it if I say both?” Luna inquired.
“About as wrong as it would be if I made you ask me to do it.”
Celestia sighed and swatted my hand away. “As much as I was enjoying that, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”
“And I have a long night ahead of me with no solution in sight to this most bothersome issue…” Moon Moon sighed heavily and Celestia snorted. “What? It’s not as if you have any compunctions about asking for help…”
“And If I were to offer some?” I asked, just about knowing where it was going.
Luna wasn’t the type to play dumb. “I would only ask that you fulfill a role you find yourself comfortable with, of course.”
Celestia stood and stretched. “Then I believe I have my own matters to attend to, but Luna?” Her sister watched her elder carefully. “Don’t do the thing.”
“We won’t,” Luna scoffed, leaving whatever that shite was where it lie..
With a bit of privacy, Luna eventually explained what she wanted from me and I didn’t have much of a reason to not fulfil her wishes since none of them were terribly sexual as far as my involvement went. Before we did anything, I sent Twilight a note telling her that I was going to be busy with Luna for a little while. Twilight responded with much love and told me to have fun while I ‘worked’, so I told Luna that she could wear her plug. It was more fun for me like that and I was sure she’d like it too. Moon Moon was thrilled and things got a little kinky from there, including the advent of some handcuffs and hoofcuffs that I didn’t know she had. I’m also not allowed to say much other than that since Luna doesn’t want any actual record of our time together, which I respect to a point. I’m still going to say that I had fun ‘working’ in an alternative to what was essentially parlour service.
When I actually got back to Twilight and was able to just spend a moment alone with her, she wanted to talk about what I’d done with Luna. Since I have a standing order to not ‘give any manner of description that would ruin the image of Equestria’, I had to beat around the bush a bit to give Twilight an idea while not depicting Luna as the deviant she was. Cherry was a bit more used to my innuendo and double entendres than pretty much anyone else on the planet, so she tried a little spanking before the night was over. For some reason, she was raring to go for a round or two, and I was all too happy to oblige.
The morning would’ve been a lot better if it wasn’t so hectic. After getting prepped for the day, I helped Twilight get her own dress, though it was a little easier said than done. We managed to get it looking rather decent. Might’ve been because it was Twilight, but I’m also not concerned about it. What I was concerned about was Spike roasting his suit, Applejack sneaking flasks into every fold of her dress, and Rainbow instantly stripping herself again by either taking off too fast or shedding it when no one was looking in favour of what she wore under it. Twilight was off with Fluttershy, Celestia, and a few attendants to make sure the music and presentation was all going to be fine while I’d more or less been relegated to babysitting. Having managed to get myself and my little brother situated, I’d been unprepared to have to play shepherd to a bunch of unruly sheep, which was what Shining had been dealing with as far as the paparazzi went.
While on the topic of Shining and photographers, I made sure to tell Twilight that we were getting a photo later because she was absolutely unrivaled with how stunning she was. Twilight looked fantastic in her Best Mare dress, even if it had been made in Shining’s colors. The bridesmaids would be wearing Cadance’s stuff which was all well and good, but I still maintained that Twilight looks best in blue, even if I don’t really like the shade of Shining’s mane and tail. Maybe it’s just some leftover irritation working its way out. Maybe it’s just the fact that Twilight’s dress was partially white and it wasn’t all that hard to think of her wearing a considerably whiter dress. To be honest with myself, I think the reason I wasn’t mad at having to corral a bunch of adults and strangers into their proper places was mostly due to the imagery of marrying Twilight. Having a day for us where Twilight Starbright Sparkle gets to shine like the star she is. She might be the light of my life, but Cherry herself just doesn’t realize how… Amazing she is…
After I’d managed the paparazzi to the best of my ability, I remembered that I was a Baron with actual authority and started threatening to arrest people for trespassing in the off-limits areas. Even then, getting that settled didn’t mean that I was done for the day. Cadance requested my presence and Celestia was the one who delivered the message, so I had two choices; Ignore a direct verbal order from Sunbutt to keep managing the hoi polloi or get my arse to Cadance and figure out if she was trying to fuck me on her wedding day. The obvious choice was the one that didn’t need me to come up with excuses, so I was teleported to Cadance post-haste.
Candy Arse was looking lovely, full stop. She’d implemented a little white into her wedding dress, but I was rapidly becoming aware of the fact that Equestrian weddings were colourful events. Her dress mainly consisted of pink and white with rose gold and a lighter, metallic yellow. I appreciated the tactful, slightly muted hues that she’d chosen for the main colours, though the metallics were a bit lost on me as for their colour symbolism. It didn’t matter that much since Cadance and her attendants were busy gushing and gooping while I just checked out the scene. There was a knock at the door after like, ten minutes of me standing around quietly, which was the point where I got stared at.
I waved to the people looking at me. “So may I just say that you all look lovely, but Cadance looks like-”
“Max, was that you knocking?” The Bride asked.
“Tch, no. Celestia teleported me in here.”
“Oh, okay- Wai- Wait, how long have you been here?”
“Long enough for it to be okay for me to check the door.” I did a quick salute, not really recognizing the heartbeat lying behind the hinged obstacle. Honestly, it’s a lot easier when people are calm or I can hear their footsteps, so I eased the door open and slid out before Shining could have a chance to look inside. “Wotcher, mate.”
“Watch her? You’ve said that before, but who am I supposed to be watching?” He asked nervously.
“Not ‘watch her’; ‘Wotcher’. It’s a greeting in my country or something like that. What can I do for you, broom groom?”
“Broom groom?”
I shrugged. “You’ve got to sweep Cadance off of her feet sometime tonight.”
He snorted, cracking a smile that seemed pretty necessary at the moment. “Right. So I need to talk to you.”
“I need to talk to you too, but it’s about sex.”
“... Okay.”
“You first, Bruv. It’s your day, after all.”
He chuckled at that. “More Cadance’s day than mine, but I get it…” Shining took a deep breath and prepped himself to ask, “Max… Uh…”
“Yeah?”
The chicken in his blood started clucking, apparently. “Nevermind. What does the guy ten years younger than me have to say about sex?”
“Go beat your meat like, twice.” He tilted his head and folded his arms. “Bruv, it’s just good advice.”
“... Why though?”
“The more you visit the… Mountain top, the longer it takes you to get there-”
“So Cadance mentioned something about my stamina-”
“She mentioned that it was weird that I was taking so long for foreplay. The woman loves you to death and back, Shining. It’s not that she said anything even remotely close to a complaint; It’s more that uh…” I scratched my temple. “I guess I just feel like you could slang dick a little harder, y’know?”
Shining nodded. “... When it comes to sex, I’m not that fond, bruv.”
‘Cause you’d rather have her peg you, Mr. Muppet. “I really don’t see why, at least not from your shoes. Still, if it’s not your thing, you might want to mention it to her at some point. Cadance seems to think that you really enjoy it.”
‘I like being close to her and that’s about it… I really, truly do love Cadance, but…”
Wait, I was kidding, dude! “Some people just aren’t that into sex, Shining. It’s not as common as liking it, but-”
“No, Max, it kind of is unheard of but…” He shrugged. “... I dunno.”
I nodded a bit and sighed heavily. “So uh… Have you ever let her experiment with her fingers, or…?”
“I’m sure Cadance can do that if she really wants to, Max,” He answered, giving me the impression that he’d wanted to discuss sex on some level.
Seeing as how we appeared to be getting close to the topic he didn’t want to bring up, I asked, “Well, I’m just saying that it might be a little more… Interesting, for you if you clean up the backdoor a bit,” His eyes went wide, “and let her get a little closer to you… If you know what I’m saying here, yeah?”
“... You want me to let my wife… Finger my flank…?”
“It’s not my thing. Mostly just makes me uncomfortable.” He nodded with a tight smile. “Shining… I… Don’t know you that well, but being adventurous in bed is rewarding when you find something you like. I mean….” I shrugged, scratching my neck since the conversation was awkward as fuck. “... Maybe you just don’t really know what all you’re into?” He gave me a shitty look and I waved both hands. “No, mate, it’s not something you’d really be at fault for. Equestria isn’t the most prudish country, but information on sexual activities and kinks is limited at best… I’m just saying that it might be in your best interest to… Go outside the box, y’know?”
“... Like what?” He asked. “Because… I dunno how I feel about anything you’ve said so far.”
I nodded and tried to find the right words. “... Um… Just keep an open mind, I guess. Also, what- Well, I’ve never asked a stallion, but uh… What does a mare taste like to you?”
“... What?”
Wow…. These fuckers really don’t eat pussy. “Have you ever licked Cadance between the legs?”
“... Max, I love Cadance, but mares tastes like…” He made a gesture like he was weighing something. “... It’s just unpleasant. Mares in general taste pretty bad.”
“Okay, don’t take this the wrong way but-”
“Stallions don't taste as bad as mares,” Shining answered quietly.
I nodded, biting my lip. “Right. Mares just really enjoy a little oral exercise, though.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.”
I checked my watch. “... Two hours before the ceremony…”
“... Guess I kinda have something to do, then…”
“Kinda…” I inhaled and tried not to die when I carried on. “Look, Shining-”
“Max…” He looked away, not letting his eyes settle on anything in particular. “... It’s… Pretty interesting to think of you and Cadance… Bonding, if you know what I mean…?”
… It’s gotta run in the fuckin’ family at this point. “I think I get it, but… I love Twilight, Shining. The only way I’ll ever invest more Quality time into Cadance is if Twilight gives it the okay.”
He shrugged, face aflame. “... It’s not like I want you to steal my wife, Max… It’s just…”
You fuckin’ cuck. You absolute fuckin’- “It’s really interesting to know that she’s ‘spending time’ with someone… Well, someone else. I don’t understand, but I get it all the same, mate… I just don’t think your wedding day is the time to have this kind of conversation.”
He shrugged again, rubbing his shoulder with the opposite hand. “Yeah, it’s weird. I’m sorry, I didn’t- Well, I just…”
“We’re not gonna worry about it, but you have business to-” The door cracked open and some tart stuck her head out, glaring at us. “Oi, you can fuck right off, yeah?”
“Speaking of bucking off…” She stared at Shining.
It took four seconds for me to decide what to do, but I’d already kicked the door at the end of the first. “Woops.”
The gal glared at me now, slipping out of the room herself as she rubbed her head. “Really. Really?”
“Fuck off, don’t let the door hit you on your way in.” I shooed her away.
Shining put his hand in front of his mouth as the random mare tried to make me feel bad with her eyes. “You. You are an ass.”
“And you’re not doing your job at the moment, so I’ll entreat you to a rarity and repeat myself; Fuck. Off.”
She opened the door and blocked our view as she did so. “... Just take this crap somewhere else.”
The door slammed and Shining snorted. “Touchy.”
“That’s why I kicked the door. She was already being rude.”
“Stars forbid you care any less about what ponies think of you. I’d be afraid for foals since they’re so brutally honest.”
“Eh, you don’t learn until you live, and if you live through pain, you learn how to avoid it.”
“... You worry me less than you used to in general, but that’s a concerning statement, my stallion.”
“It’s funny if you don’t think that hard about it. Speaking of not thinking too hard, don’t you have business?”
“Yeah, but…”
“I’ll look after Cadance for the time being; Make sure she’s safe and calm and all. You should probably do a little something to warm up those hooves of yours yourself.”
“Could use a drink, to be honest…”
“And I don’t have my flask on me. Really though, Shining; Congratulations. I know you and Cadance have been looking forward to this for years. Don’t let your head take you out of the moment.”
He just looked at me for a moment before nodding. “... Can I ask for some advice?”
“I’ve never been married, so take my words for what they’re worth, I guess.”
“Right… It’s just that I uh…” Shining shook his head and chuckled a bit. “Jeez… It’s… Max, I dunno how to tell you that you somehow seem like the biggest colt to ever be legally allowed to drink while also being wise beyond my own years, but…” He shrugged.
“What’s your question, Shining? You’ve got my ears and you’ll get my honesty.”
He nodded twice and tried to find the words. “Max… I want to be with Cadance. I want to make her happy. I want… I want to be the stallion she comes to when her heart is heavy and when she’s in pain… The guy that can always get a smile on her worst days…” He shook his head and fucked with his wrist, a soft pop coming when he used his opposite hand to help work the joint. “Max… Twilight is devoted to you, heart and soul. She trusts you more than anyone. Believes that there would never be a word out of your mouth meant to hurt her or trick her…”
“Shining, I dunno how to tell you that I don’t know why exactly I have the relationship I do with Twilight. To be honest with you… I’m constantly afraid of losing her. Of pissing her off or just generally being too difficult to be worth her time.” He nodded, meeting my gaze readily. “... All I can tell you is that I see Cadance’s love for you from where I stand. If you’re asking me how to catch more of her attention then there’s not a whole lot I can tell you. She’s already sure of who she wants to be with from now until her passing.”
He chuckled softly and I knew that I’d missed his point. “Yeah, I know, but… How do I…” Shining shook his head, his answer found through his own thought process rather than in the depths of my own mind. “... No, I- I think I get it.”
“Then you’re a step ahead of me.”
Shining sniffed and smirked at me. “It’d be a shame if my fiance’s pen pal knew her better than me… Thanks for being my wall, though. Bouncing thoughts off of you is different from most.”
“I’m an Alien. It’d be weirder if it wasn’t.”
He tapped my shoulder and walked off, apparently not needing to say anything else. When he was a decent distance away, I entered Cadance’s chambers again, not watching as I did so. I more or less just looked at the door and chuckled, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of the situation. Not only was my girlfriend’s older brother asking me to be his wife’s bull, but he was also asking for advice. Friendly advice, from what it seemed like. What he’d gotten from what I’d said wasn’t something I needed to know, though I hoped he had what he was looking for. For a split second, I wondered if I’d ever end up in his shoes in any capacity and just couldn’t see it. Shining and I are two very different people but I had to admit that it didn’t mean that there wasn’t more to learn from the man. After all, I understood Twilight a little better because of our conversation and that was enough to make it worthwhile in my eyes.
I eventually turned away and saw that I was being stared at. “... Hullo?”
Cadance was trying to be salty, but it was also her wedding day and I’d done nothing but try to help it go well. “Max, don’t kick doors on a mare’s head, okay?”
“Fuck you, I do what I want,” I answered automatically. “Anyway, how long…?” I checked my pocket watch. “Ah, shite, we’re running low on time.”
“Max-”
“Yeah?”
The three attendants who hadn’t been hit with a door giggled while the bitch who’d tried to get uppity with me and the groom ‘enjoyed’ her salty mood. Cadance just chuckled and continued with what she was saying. “Max, be nice, okay?”
“I’m as nice as I get. At pretty much any given moment, I’m as nice as I need to be.”
“My aching head says differently,” Bitter Bitch barked.
“Well, your face is hurting me and has been since first glance, so I think we’re about even.”
She started to retort, but Cadance walled her off with a gesture as she blinked. However, her eyes stayed closed just a little too long and her smile tightened just a bit too much. It made me realize that Cadance could control her expressions better than Celestia. She wanted to curse that mare into the ground, but I could only tell because I’d seen and heard the slight transition. Masterful. “How much time do we have, Max?”
“Not long. Enough to touch up whatever’s quote unquote ‘not perfect’ with your amazing self, but not long enough for you to worry about your horn being longer than your husband’s.”
The attendants all gasped. Why? I didn’t really know, but I did see Cadance try to avoid snickering and fail with a bit of grace. “Maximus Gadai, that’s not very polite and I don’t think you knew that.”
“I really didn’t, but I can hazard a guess as to why.”
She sighed away the last couple of chuckles, unable to quell her smile. Her lips moved as if she were going to lead into a song or a soliloquy of some sort. Subverting my assumptions, she seemed to settle on an unseen point in space as she spoke. “... There’s no stallion more perfect than Shiny… And I’m… I’m such a lucky mare…”
Holy shit, that’s kinda scary. That’s fuckin’- Oh... I froze on the spot for a few seconds while the sycophants sucked up a bit, trying to get Cadance to stop crying so she wouldn’t mess up her makeup. However, I was… Unsettled with the reality in front of me. I genuinely could not read Cadance. Meandering my way over, I worked my way in, gave her a hug, and congratulated her on her big day… After giving her some space, she decided that it was time to get out and see some of the decorations that had been put up. As her temporary body-guard, title non-negotiable, it was my honour to accompany one of my few friends that didn’t piss me off too frequently or severely. Even if I’d held a bit of hope that it was actually Chrysalis in disguise for some manner of test, her scent didn’t lie. Nor did her magic.
As thrilling as the recognition of a skilled Equestrian thespian was, it paled in comparison to the elation Cadance expressed in every step she made. My earlier assumption that she’d been preparing to sing was just mistimed, and like every other time this bullshit happens, I’m skipping it. I refuse. I’m not obligated to even mention my presence while a ‘Serenade of Harmony’ happens and I wasn’t there. I was in a place between time and space. Betwixt a moment I didn’t want to be in and a moment I was ready to embrace for the sake of getting it over with, but all things pass in time.
Happy to be free of the damnable song, I walked Cadance down the aisle as per her precise requests. As pleasant as the music and atmosphere was, I couldn’t help but scan the crowd with my hand the Warbling Blade, hoping that someone was less apt at disguising their intentions than Cadance. There didn’t seem to be any issues and that was how I wanted it, though it did mean that I wasn’t giving much attention to the bride until we parted with a hug. After doing my part and symbolically saying that she would always belong to Shining, I took my place on the dais and the shit started. The subtle message was actually rather interesting since I hadn’t considered her intentions earlier, but having more information clued me into the subversive nature of the non-blue Alicorns, as always. Other than that, the music was nice, the ceremony was nice, the kiss was nice.
You know, it was a fuckin’ wedding and all that. An expensive, important one, but still a wedding.
There were tears and more cheers. I didn't cry, but I was happy for them all the same. I really don’t care for marriage myself, though it was as touching as ever to see two people that obviously loved each other tie the knot, even if I was a little too involved in their sex life. I told those thoughts to fuck off and tried to enjoy an event I’d never have had a chance at attending on Earth, but it was all a bit much anyway. Twilight shed a few tears and I whispered to her that our day would be even better and she patted my arm, whispering back that she wasn’t a Princess. I told her that she was my Princess and she gave me a nice hug, which was apparently worthy of the photographer’s lens.
Cadance got a picture with just about everyone, but Shining just wanted to get a couple of pictures with his wife, his sister, parents, and all of the males in the party. The first photographer practically told him to fuck off when he asked, so I caught the second on their sweep and got it taken care of. As little attention as Shining was getting for having just married a Princess, he seemed to be happier for it all the same. I didn’t blame him in the slightest since having too many eyes on me made my skin crawl. I did come to realize that it was just a quieter sort of affair for the males of Equestria, or at least for the guys Shining knew.
The reception was soon to come, but there was apparently a need for a speech that I was glad to not have a part of. Shining spoke well and all, but it was kinda just pointless babble followed by Cadance and some equally irrelevant shite from her. I legitimately zoned out the moment either of them started speaking, thus missing the call for the ‘First Toast’. Twilight kept me on my toes and made sure I got something non-alcoholic, thankfully ignoring my little bout of daydreaming.
Just before the bride and groom took the floor to have their dance, they got everyone’s attention and formally thanked me for saving the day, which was apparently them calling me out for not answering their speeches. Twilight looked at me expectantly along with the rapidly widening circle of people around me. As uncomfortable as I was, I still gave it a go. “A wise man once spoke to me through a medium unknown to Equus. His words were; ‘With great power comes great responsibility’. I found those to be profound words, though power itself is often mistaken to mean some manner of physical or magical strength. Power, in essence, is prowess, and we all have our aptitudes.” fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck- “As Equestrians… We share our strengths as individuals under the flag of Equestria. We share our prowess with our neighbours. Our friends. Our families. It’s my honour to serve my country, but doubly so to serve my family as well as my friend,” I took a breath, “but fuck. Seriously. Can someone else do this shit for once?”
Twilight’s jaw dropped and I only paid attention to her because I kind of just spaced out and said what I was thinking. I thumbed my nose and went to ask for her hand, but she hit me like the savage she was. It legitimately hurt , but her glare promised vengeance for my treachery and the laughs from the crowd didn’t make her much happier. Shining and Cadance themselves seemed amused by it and Celestia wasn’t concerned enough to say anything. Twilight really was the only one with a problem until the GalPals gathered round and tried to pound it in that there were other heroes or some shit. It was a throwaway joke that they took to heart and explaining that only worked on Applejack at first. Twilight needed a little more convincing, Rarity and Fluttershy balked simultaneously, and Pinkie was just being difficult. Rainbow, on the other hand, tried to call me out for being a hypocrite when I wasn’t being serious in the first place.
That one was a pain to deal with. Rainbow’s thick, but at least she didn’t feel offended enough to start throwing punches at a damn wedding. Twilight didn’t apologize for hitting me and didn’t want to stick around, so she could go fuck herself for the moment. The reception began in earnest without my lover by my side, annoying me along with the dull ache in my bicep. Her fist wasn’t necessary and I very much intended to make that point clear. Meanwhile, as my girlfriend was being an actual child, I got complimented on my speech for the important bits and for the cheeky jab at the end.
Celestia was more than amused when she stopped by to see me, giving me a little nudge along with her smile. “Max, that was honestly better than I expected from you. I’m assuming, however, that the Elements were a little less enthused?”
I scoffed. “Tender egos, my own not excluded. Glad you approve of my improv, though. Kinda stressful, so please don’t make me do that shite again. At least not without warning.”
“Max.” She said my name like it was an insult.
I was almost insulted. “Oi.”
“... We told you the night before last.”
“I deny that.”
“During the rehearsal-”
“I don’t recall.”
“Max, shut up. I swear, you’ve been lazier since catching Chrysalis than-” She started rubbing ber brow. “Than I’ve ever known you to be… I’m gonna slug that damned, black, crunchy bug.”
“... Does her being black mean a damn thing, Celestia?”
“She would be equally terrible if she were green. I see no difference. Are you not concerned, though?”
“Ah, I need to meditate or something, I guess. Rebalance my,” Ki- Chi- Chamas? Nope, got it. “Chakras, sift through some stuff. Decompress a bit.”
“You pulled that out of your rear.”
“I sure did, but it’ll probably be a bigger help than doing nothing..”
She squeezed my shoulder for a moment, rolling her eyes while giving me a real smile. I just went for the hug because her distance was weird, getting it as I expected. Celestia’s eyes crinkled just a bit more as I let her go so she could do her job, the First Dance having already concluded before we’d started talking. That’s what happens when you ‘slight’ sensitive do-gooders, I guess. In any case, Shining and Cadance had been making their way over and kept getting stopped, so I pretended not to notice since it was perfectly plausible to be oblivious, apparently. Thanks to that I was able to stop and have a chat with Fleur since she was important enough to be invited to a Royal Wedding.
She’d been working her way into some impressionable young couple’s bed when I ‘accidentally’ nudged her while nabbing some punch for a nip. “Excuse- Oh, that was definitely not an accident, then.” She huffed. “Hello, Maximus.”
I smirked at her after I filled my glass. “I’m sorry, Fleur, I just didn’t see your beautiful radiance or something. You might be getting-” I shut up at the look she gave me because I wanted to live. I continued because I live dangerously. “- might be getting a bit less special now that I have Twilight in my life.”
She let the look fade, an ingenuous grin on her face. “She is a cutie, isn’t she?”
I snorted softly. “She’s gorgeous beyond comparison and more huggable than a small, warm bear.”
Fleur’s expression softened a bit and her nose scrunched up a bit, though for some reason it was one of her better tells. “You’re a treat! Tell me, how is Twily? I think we spotted you and the Elements in the city the other day, but from the look on your face, I’m going to say that you were pressed for time?”
“Something like that. As for Twilight, she’s been pretty stressed, but handling it better than she likely would’ve in the past. I’m really proud of her, honestly.”
Fleur’s prospects were stolen by some other people looking to chat, though it couldn’t have been much less of a bother. I got to have a conversation with someone I actually trusted with secrets and stuff about the people we loved. Lady Fleur de Lis also just so happened to be one of the few people I could tell about my threesome with an engaged Princess before her wedding day and know it would stay quiet. She was thrilled for the juicy bit of gossip up until I mentioned that Twilight was present. It wasn’t that the retired Operative seemed mad or anything so much as unsettled, despite having wanted to listen in on us, if I recalled correctly. I changed the topic to Fancy Pants for the sake of politeness and the Devil did appear.
I got dragged into some chat for the gents of the party, which included Shining getting praise for his accolades from those who knew of them. It was a good time. Nice to chat with the chaps. It wasn’t nice that Night Light pulled me away from that rare delicacy of a double-digit all-male conversation, but at least he wasn’t a dick about it. Half-drunk, but not a dick. “Oi, y’know, you’ve had a good few glasses while we were having that talk, Night Light. Might wanna grab some water, yeah?”
He seemed to be holding his liquor decently enough, despite his somewhat ruddy complexion and rather dismissable slurring. “I’m good for now, but I think we’ve needed to talk for a time now, wouldn’t you say?”
Nothing good would come of turning him down. “As fine a time as any. How’ve you been, Night?”
“Well enough, and Velvet’s just fine too. You, however, seem to be… Gettin’ a little more experience under your belt.” He nodded along, blinking a bit unevenly. “Took you a little bit, but you finally started taking that Baron stuff seriously… Taking a lot of stuff seriously, from what Twily says.”
I nodded, swallowing since my throat felt a bit dry for some reason. “Yeah. Not exactly in the position to blow off my responsibilities, to put it plainly. If I don’t man-up, I’m wasting what influence I have. If I don’t at least try to be the better man I said I wanted to be, then I wasted my breath. I don’t do that unless it’s for a joke, and I don’t joke about legitimate improvement.”
“I see that, and I know Shining sees it now too. A lot of ponies saw it before we did, but I think you know I’d trust my son over the Princesses themselves.”
“Isn’t he a Prince now?”
Night Light nodded deeply and proudly. “The first that’ll matter, at least. With Blueblood nearing disgrace by the day, the era of the honourable Equestrian Prince is coming to shore!”
The smile that grew on my face wasn’t forced in the slightest. “And to think it’s Shining who’s gonna be that example for colts to follow. Couldn’t ask for a much better guy, wouldn’t you say?” Except he’s a cunt half the time, but whatever.
“You’re damn right!” An off-white hand appeared on his shoulder and Twilight Velvet appeared next to him. “Hey there, Honey Bear~”
Night Light went in for the smooch, making his wife bear with it for all of two seconds before pulling away, giggling and gagging at the same time. “I swear, Nightie! If you drink any more, you’re going to smell like liquor for a week!”
He sipped his drink and went to say something, but the sauce hit him in the kidneys right as he was about to speak. “... I gotta go hit the head, I’ll be back.”
Velvet and I chuckled as he lumbered off, occasionally having to correct his balance as he did so. Vel herself seemed a touch worried, “Oh, I should probably go with him…”
“Ah, he’s a big boy. I’m sure the fellow knows when to put the glass down, yeah?” She raised a brow at me. “Mm, yeah, little past that point, we are.”
She shrugged. “He’ll be fine for another thirty minutes if he doesn’t finish that glass. Otherwise it’s going to be ten minutes and I’ll find him in the bathroom, asleep.”
… You’re really not concerned about that…? “Sounds like you might want to go ahead and-”
My future mother-in-law made a dismissive gesture. “I only mentioned it because I forgot who I was talking to. We both know that he’s old enough to know better, and if not, then Night Light might benefit from the lesson.”
I chuckled at that, rubbing my chest. “Ouch, Velvet, sounds like you assume I don’t give a shite about people or something.”
She giggled, patting my arm. “No, silly, I just think you were a little annoyed by how hammered Night Light decided to get at our son’s wedding. Especially since it’s a relatively public event…”
The grimace on her face was less… Frustration or annoyance than disdain and spite, so I gave the lady a fuckin’ hug since she obviously needed one. “C’mon, Mumsy~ How often does Ye Olde Night get a little lit?”
She hugged me back and I prepared to let go, but she gave me a lovely squeeze that put a bigger, happier smile on my face. We broke the hug and I felt bad for smiling so big almost immediately. “More than you think, evidently.”
“Ah, I’m sorry-”
“For what?”
… Shit, kinda got me there. “I… I guess I didn’t mean to make an assumption-”
She patted my arm, giving me a bit of an odd look. “For as smart as your mouth usually is, I didn’t expect that.”
“Well, for as grey as you are, I didn’t expect you to have such a purple daughter.” She raised her brows and blinked slowly, keeping them up to give me a look. “Oi, Shining makes sense when you say he’s your kid; You have similar colour schemes and he probably gets the blue from Night Light. It’s just that Twilight’s purple.”
“My mother was purple, thank you very much.”
“I beg your pardon, madam, but did I so much as imply that I was any less than enthralled with the colour of your daughter’s coat or eyes?”
Velvet folded her arms. “It rather sounded like you were making a comment, good sir.”
“If I were to comment on Twilight’s coat, then I would likely say that there’s seldom a feeling I appreciate more than the silkiness of her touch.”
“You know my name is Twilight too, right?”
“And I’m sure your coat is plenty fine, but the Twilight I call mine is better.” She offered me her hand and I held it, rubbing the dorsal side with my thumb. “... Huh. I’ll be damned. Softer than Cadance, but not soft and silky like Cherry.”
I let her hand go and she took mine to feel for herself. “... There are plenty of lines on your hand. They feel like scars.”
That got a chuckle out of me, though I wasn’t getting my hand back quite yet. “They are scars, Mumsy.”
She rolled her eyes. “And you got them how?”
I went to answer as casual as could be, then bit my lip. “Ah… A lot of them are from punchin’ stuff, whether that means people, windows, or walls, I guess.”
“And?” Velvet asked, somehow seeing through the mask I’d slid on to omit a particular detail.
“Sounds like plenty to put scars on a man’s hand, Vel. Why does there need to be an ‘and’?”
“Because some of these scars feel bigger and deeper than others, Max.”
I shrugged. “... Sometimes you steal from the wrong person and you have to give it back, plus blood for the trouble. Thieving hands and all that.”
She gave me a little squeeze and let me go. “Your fingers are almost all crooked.”
“... Happens when you punch stuff, yeah?”
“... I guess it’s not really the time for it,” Velvet acquiesced. “In any case, I’m sure you’ve been commended enough for-”
“The Cadance thing, yeah. Honestly, I could do with a little less thanks and a little more information on how you’ve been. Anything interesting come up during your latest expedition?”
Her brows bounced and her mouth became a stern line as she rolled her eyes. “Apparently I’m ‘more needed at the Institute’ than I am in the field. Honestly, it’s… An insult, to the discoveries I’ve made for the sake of knowledge.”
How many of those discoveries were censored, though? “Sounds like you’re either incredibly valuable as both a field-researcher and in-house scientist, or...” The dark look Velvet threw my way made me raise a brow. “Or someone’s learning things they’re not supposed to know…”
The anger in Velvet’s gaze faded, replaced by a touch of shock. “... The thought crossed my mind with the subduction of a few research papers, but you don’t really think…?”
“I don't really think at all. It gets me into trouble all the time, so I tend to clear the mind and tell the Princesses to stay the fuck out of my life.”
“... I see…” She nodded, bobbing her head in small motions while I just settled for a deeper, singular nod. “... There are wiser places to have such a conversation-”
“It’s wiser not to have it at all, Vel. Safer.”
She nodded again. “Indeed. It’s been… Nice, talking to you, Max. Truly.”
I grinned, but it was a hollow gesture. “It’s always good to see you, though I’m sorry to hear about being tied down to Canterlot. Who knows? Maybe labbing out some of your more magical discoveries can help soothe that wanderlust?”
Velvet patted my arm, a small, troubled smile on her lips, evidenced by the firmness of the expression. “Maybe. Take care, Max, and take care of Twilight and Spike too, okay?”
“Of course, Mumsy dearest~”
Velvet strode away with a laugh that was obviously needed, though it was disheartening to know that Celestia’s iron grip still extended to academics . The rest of the hour was pretty quiet until I got hunted down to dance, which I couldn’t get away from until someone noticed that the happy couple had snuck away. That was more or less the last call and people started fucking off, leaving me with a slightly salty Twilight and a noticeably smokier Spike. It was starting to piss him off, so the three of us agreed to do some research in the morning since it was a nice enough night to leave windows open. I didn’t get any trouble as I urged Twilight to slip away with me, taking Spike with us to avoid the drunkards who weren’t going to quiet down any time soon.
Spike was thoughtful enough to not drown us in smoke during the night’s parting hugs, though I felt it necessary to mention that we were leaving relatively early in the day as compared to what he was used to. In other words, ‘Don’t write all night’. He got the message and was tired anyway, so Twilight and I got to hit the hay for ourselves. Well, after she patiently waited for me to figure out how to get the damn dress off of her, being sharper of tongue than I preferred when she ‘asked’. I lent a hand in silence, not appreciating her sudden change in demeanour in the slightest, waiting for her to comment on my quietness. The dress came off and she magicked it away, sighing and sitting next to me, only then seeing that I wasn’t having her shite anymore.
She bit her lip. “... I messed up…”
“Are you asking or telling?”
“... I hit you a lot harder than I should have earlier…”
“I’d say so, yeah.”
Twilight wasn’t used to me being upset with her. Annoyed was normal enough and was generally because of some silly worry that I pretended to be annoyed with, but I was pretty salty at that point. “... Max, I- Well, I’m sorry for just now too… I didn’t really ask for your help, did I…?”
… She sees it, mate. No reason to hold a grudge. I slid my hand across her back and scooted towards her as she mimicked me, pulling her to my side. “... I understand a lot of things, Twilight, but this time I don’t think we’re on the same page.”
The seconds between my statement and her answer were loaded with tension. “... You downplayed my efforts again, Max…”
“I apologize, but it was a joke meant to lighten up that stiff speech that poured out of my mouth. I didn’t mean it literally.”
“Which I should’ve known since somepony clearly forgot that they had a speech to give in the first place…” … Yeah, she’s frustrated with me, alright. “... Really, Max… The past couple of days have been… Strange… You were perfectly fine when we arrived.”
“Chrysalis ate some of my emotions and I’ve been really fuckin’ tired all the time. That’s why I keep falling asleep and spacing out.”
“... You were asleep when we-”
“I answered the question!”
She stared at me. “... You woke up just in time to hear Rarity and just played it off like- Like you were annoyed she even asked!”
“Because I kinda was. You look fantastic in darker hues. Shit’s obvious to me, at least. Should be doubly obvious for Rarity, but she was trying to start shit and I wasn’t having it.”
Twilight inhaled to complain, but it turned out that she was just doing her wheezy-chuckle thing, usually reserved for the end of the double-all-nighters I made her stop doing. “Oh, Max… You’re such an ass…”
“I’d make a comment or something, but as much as I enjoy your arse, it’s not a surprise that you like me back.”
I got snuggled for my silly retort. “Goofball…”
Hugging her a little tighter, I asked, “What’s weighing your heart down, Cherry?”
“... I… I don’t know, honestly… I’ve just…”
“You’ve had a few more significant reasons to be upset in the past three weeks than you generally do unless you’re dealing with me constantly.”
She giggled and bumped me with her horn, a sure sign that her mood was already improving, though her sigh was worrying me all over again. “... I just don’t know how you deal with it, Max…”
Uh…? “Deal with what?”
“The- The…” She flopped her hand onto her stocking-clad thigh and reminded me that I was trying not to notice that. “The drama! The sheer amount of drama!”
“I- I honestly just tackle it and move on.”
“But how!? How- I mean- I guess that’s why you don’t spit on Rarity every chance you get or slap Celestia every time she sends you a letter, but stars above! How do you…” The energy she’d had faded just as quickly as it had come, taking her volume along with it. “How do you deal with your life shifting after every step...?”
“... Do you not remember my alcoholism or the fact that I needed Luna to get me rehabilitated from cocaine…?”
“... You know, it makes a lotta fuckin’ sense-”
She said- “Oh my God-”
“No, seriously!” Twilight pulled away from me, gesturing to me while shaking her head and looking more miserable than I wanted her to be. It felt better to let her vent it out than cut in. “I mean… Ugh, I was smoking myself senseless the entire time you had Spike and that was after going through the entire flower you brought over as a random gift! It really, really makes a lot more sense that you… Ran from it…”
My lips partially pursed for my smile, brows slightly furrowed. “... I’m sorry you understand it. I should’ve-”
“Should’ve what?” She asked, doing the head-wiggle as her question was posed. “You should’ve…? Told Fluttershy to remember stuff? Because that’s not really your fault. Rarity’s toxic, and that’s not your fault either. Shining? He himself threw punches at you and you didn’t fight back! You just scooted around him! And don’t get me started on Shitty Belle!”
“Cherry, baby-”
Her hands thrust forward, jerking her entire body with the motion. “No! No, Max! This is crap! All this crap in three weeks! And this is basically just a taste of what you’ve had to deal with...”
I took Twilight’s fists into my hands, knowing where to apply pressure and massage to force her to loosen the clenched muscles. She winced a bit, but her hands began to unfurl as my response took its sweet time in stacking itself, a smile coming to my lips as I held her warm, open hands. “... You know, back on Earth… I didn’t have many friends. Reliable ones or bad ones. Mostly a solitary guy that wasn’t hard to convince for a pub-crawl with people I’d call associates or acquaintances more than friends I could hang with… Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve dealt with so much that makes it seem less than what it is. I know that lately… It’s been you, Twilight.” She wasn’t wearing sleeves, so her heart started melting into her furry shoulder as her lips trembled.
“Max…”
“... I’ve told you that I’ve… I’ve been ready to be done with it all, one way or another. If I could die, I’d be dead. Even though I can’t, the Everfree isn’t foreign land to me. Gryphonia always has a seat at the highest table in the land for me…” I shook my head, looking at the hands that had reached out and brushed the hoarfrost from my heart. The hands that plucked the pins and needles out of that surprisingly tender little bastard. “... No matter where I go… I can look for the silver lining of any cloud in the daylit sky, but I’ll always be waiting for that bad day to end… I’ll always be waiting for Twilight to come.”
It was the final straw that broke the Pony’s back. “... It- It’s ill- illegal- to- to be th- th- this sw-sweeet!” Twilight bawled, burying her face in my chest and weeping the rest of her frustrations into my shirt.
I held her against my person, grateful for the opportunity to guide her through the tough times just as she’d done for me. Grateful for the chance to pay back that kindness on some level. “You already have me cuffed, Twi. Not goin’ anywhere.”
She nodded into my chest, trying to get ahold of herself. It wasn’t what I wanted from her. Not what I thought that she needed. I welcomed Twilight to let go; To free her heart from the grasp the stress had on her and to just let it out. She’d done the same for me, and it was time to prove my worth and value as her man. Time was irrelevant. All I knew was that my precious Twilight let the sun set on her tears so I could wipe them away and actually accomplish something with the gesture. I commented on my lack of handkerchiefs at the moment and she puffed out a giggle, teleporting one to herself. Once the bogies were gone, I gave her a kiss to start paying down the debt on my failure to see that she was abusing Night Cap and Twilight gave me plenty more to make sure I stayed in debt. I didn’t want to sleep while Twilight was feeling so vulnerable, but she passed out after maybe ten minutes of actually laying down in bed.
It had been a wild few days, and while Twilight was my ultimate source of emotional stability, Noir was like a steroid for my mental fortitude. A trip to the mindscape was a little more needed than usual, so I calmed and found that Blackberry was sitting on a lawn chair when I opened my eyes, chilling out in some comfy looking sport attire while staring out over the ocean. “You know, I was never terribly fond of weddings myself, but at least I do not have to worry about being in one in the foreseeable future. I suppose my lifestyle does have its perks, no?”
I conjured up a chair and sat next to her. “I dunno, it’s actually kinda growing on me. Cadance and Shining seemed really happy, and most brides tend to if they’re not freaking out about the whole thing.”
“So you would seek the same happiness for Twilight?” She passed me a little grin. “However could I have foreseen such a conclusion?”
“I dunno, maybe you just don’t know me as well as you thought?”
“Speaking of knowing you, though, I must speak on Chrysalis. She was indeed the cause of your relative fatigue and drop in acuity, having been allowed to feed from you overnight by Celestia. It will cause no long term harm, which was likely the only reason she was permitted to do so. Still, annoying as it may be, I am sure you could hardly care less.”
“You’re not wrong, but it still sucks that Celestia’s a cunt.”
“You already knew that.”
“Yeah, but she keeps showing me.”
“Do not look when she is flashing you. That is my only suggestion at this point.”
I rolled over to give her my full attention, not exactly thrilled with the answer I’d received. “... I can’t cut her off, Noir. And it’s not viable anyway.”
“That is why I have little to advise on the subject. There is little you can do.” She sipped from a coconut and sighed, though it was more out of satisfaction with her drink than anything else. “I must comment on your little menage a trois, though. Quite interesting.”
“Ah, yeah… So… What are your thoughts?”
“Twilight enjoyed herself more than you might think. She truly does enjoy seeing you with another mare, though Cadance may just be exceptionally pleasant for her.”
“And what do you think on a personal level?”
“It would be unwise to interfere any further in Cadance and Shining’s relationship, though if they invite you to do so, I believe it would be harmless enough.”
“... Well, I know he’s a cuck, but do you think Shining likes it-”
“Of course. The stallion loves having that hole toyed with. He is a bottom for sure, if the rounded rod you happened across in his old room in his parents house is anything to go by.”
“Funny, I guess. Just about glad as I can be about not picking that thing up now. What do you think about Cadance?”
“She’s still the Princess you will always be able to trust most, at least from what I can gather. Despite her skill at suppressing her micro-expressions, I believe you will regain footing with a bit more time and rest, thus making her easier to read. You seem to be ignoring your own lethargy.”
“I wouldn’t doubt it. Quick question, though; Do you think I could beat Shining in a fight?”
“If you had no honour, then of course.”
“Rude.”
“Not untrue.”
I thought of a giant inflatable penis and dropped it on her. “Suck on that, hellion!”
Noir batted it aside and cast a sidelong look at me. “You are such a child.”
“I know you are, but what am I?”
“Annoying,” She answered. A sign appeared that said ‘Annoying’ with an arrow pointing in my direction. “Speaking of annoyances, Shining could most likely beat you in a pissing contest, despite not being a racehorse.”
“All Ponies are racehorses to me. Fuck your natural speed in a straight line,” I grumbled.
She scoffed. “You have no room to complain with your mobility. The particular abilities you first showcased in our more physical pastimes informed me that my stances were getting sloppy.”
“I don’t believe it that much, but thanks, I guess.”
“You are welcome, and perish the thoughts in your mind.”
“What?” I actually hadn’t been paying that much attention. Probably another indicator that I needed more sleep and food to get back what Chryssy had taken.
“You were recollecting pieces of your time with Luna and I will not be a recipient.”
“Ah, so no fuzzy handcuffs for you then, eh?”
“If you want to experience pain, we can begin training at any point,” She practically barked.
Noir held her silence and didn’t comment on her tone. Her agitation wasn’t really called for and I could see her brow twitch from time to time. It wasn’t necessarily what I’d said that was bothering her. “... How can I help, Noir?”
She shook her head, sighing it off. “... If I wished to broach the subject-”
“You’d make me needle you about it until you figured it was just easier to get it over with.”
Blackberry sniffed, rolling her eyes. “... I apologize. Snapping at you was unnecessary, especially after I myself commented on your current afflictions.”
“I’m sorry, it just doesn’t feel like the pieces are fitting together like they usually are-”
“Again, a part of your current afflictions. Your observational apropos falters more with the passing hours.”
“What did I miss?” She looked away. “... When’s the last time I visited, more like…”
Her shoulders hunched slightly. “... We have spent longer away from each other’s company…”
“Except that between the migraine of getting to Canterlot with the Galpals, dealing with the mental strain of using my telekinesis for so long, and being a sleepy- Well, being asleep… It’s been a few days.”
“... I feel no need to repeat myself.”
“... I know it’s not the time… It’s usually the thought that counts.” She held her silence, her fingertips appearing on her arms. “... I’m sorry, Noir…”
“... You thought of me often prior to Chrysalis’ meal… I have no reason to be offended.”
“The heart doesn’t always give a shit about logic.”
“... No, it does not… Yet I know I have no such reason to have been treating you differently, regardless of whether you noticed prior to my outburst or not…”
I joined her on her chair, making the effort to get up and put her arm around my shoulders as I sat down. The melancholy in her expression came with the effort behind that smile of hers. The fact that she could only mould a part of the mask to her needs. “I’ll always love you, Noir. Even if I don’t visit as often as I should-”
“We have been over that topic. Your visits are a treat as they come, and again… My ire was aimed at you for a factor you could not have controlled… Among other things…”
“... I’ll figure Blueberry Tart out eventually, damn!” I started chuckling and she squeezed me, giggling along.
“If only you knew what I knew, yes?”
“Well, you could tell me-”
“But the result would not be half as wonderful as your own realization.”
I snorted… “Fuzzy handcuffs it is-”
“I will not allow them in my home, Maximus.”
“Oh, are you-”
Her tone went cold as she said, “I do not appreciate this line of questioning, nor the implications therein.”
“Then why do you think Luna’s submissive? I thought you and her were a lot alike.”
“We share certain views, but we differ vastly. Our demeanours may seem similar on the surface, but you yourself know that we are very different people. Especially in our intimate preferences. Keep in mind that Alicorns change during their estrus. Certain mannerisms are magnified, so do not expect Luna to continue addressing you as ‘Sir’ when her cycle ends.”
“Damn, I was getting into the whole domination thing. I guess I’ll enjoy it while it lasts, but I’m just wondering how Celestia is going to feel about it when she learns that I’ve been doing naughty, dirty things to her sister.” I conjured a Coke because fuck. It’s good shit.
“I would wager that she already knows. She and Luna hide very little from each other,” Noir commented casually, taking the out for what it was.
“...Well fuck. I hope she doesn’t try to turn the tables on me.”
“You hate being under someone else’s control as much as I do. That’s quite impressive.”
“I’ve been through too much to be okay with it. I’m guessing it’s the same for you.”
“And just like that, this conversation behind us,” Noir sighed. I shifted the scene to a therapist’s office and Noir shot me a dirty look before dropping us in a pool. I brought the office back with a hot-spring wet-bar and she jabbed a judicious finger in my direction before cracking a small, growing smile. “Not fair… But pleasant all the same.”
I shrugged, gesturing towards the deeper part of the springs. “You can talk to me about anything, Noir, even if it’s hard on you. If there are thorns in your side, I am relatively small with nimble fingers, and you literally have a mane.”
“I would still be a lioness, Maximus.”
“Well, the Thorn Fable works better with a lion than a hyena, yeah?”
She scowled for a moment before dropping the facade and having a seat. I tried to sit next to her, but she pulled me into her lap. It was emasculating as all hell, but comfier than being wrapped in a quilt next to a lit fireplace during the harshest winter I’d yet to see. Blackberry held me to her chest and tried to figure out how to feel, which took some time. There weren’t many ways to better spend my time than assist someone I loved so deeply, though that made me consider the kind of love I held for Noir. My immediate conclusion was that I didn’t care what kind it was, but my stupid mind wouldn’t stop trying to see Noir as a romantic option. Nor could I see her as anything other than a wise, older friend with good advice. There was also the dedicated mentor who cared about my struggles and a slight leaning towards some kind of almost… Parental figure… It was fuckin’ trippy and I felt my brain start fuzzing when I tried to sort it out.
Noir chuckled, kissing my temple. “You are overthinking quite hard, my dearest.”
I nuzzled her. “... If you weren’t all that you are to me, it’d be easier to sort out.”
She evidently settled on feeling rueful, pressing her lips to my admittedly messy hair. “Thank you, Maximus, but I do not believe that I am prepared at this moment… Not to reopen wounds so old.”
“I know it doesn’t really compare, but I’m also such a small fraction of your age that it should probably be illegal for us to have sex.” She snorted. “... Still… You know Iwent months without talking to anyone about what happened with Graham and years without talking about the first time it happened. I know it wears on you after awhile and the longer you hold it in, the harder it is to share… But I know you understand that I’ll always be here for you when you need me. I might not swing by every day, but when I’m here, I’m hearing and listening.”
She pressed my face into her bosom. “Save your sweetness for Twilight. I get plenty of your affection as it is.”
I put my hand on her shoulder and pushed back a bit so I wouldn’t be talking into her fun bags. “I’m not trying to be sweet, I’m being honest.”
“Which is quite sweet of you. Perhaps I could reward you with a movie?” She wiggled her brows. Distraction. Nice.
I took the bait, despite wanting to fix what I could on the spot. … Gotta know when to hold ‘em and fold ‘em… We’re walking away from this one… For now. “I mean… If you’re gonna offer to snuggle and watch movies, then uh... You might absolutely need to see Pulp Fiction.”
Noir rolled her eyes and shifted the scene so that we were standing in the lobby of my old local theatre, drier than we’d been in the hot-spring thing. After getting some clothes because theatres tend to be cold, I focused on snagging us some popcorn and led Noir to a random showroom, picking out some seats that were slightly higher than in the center of the room. Noir hummed and made me wait to sit, changing the seats into a couch long and wide enough for Noir to spread out with room left over for me if I curled up a bit on her side. We took to the super-sofa and I conjured some appropriate pillows that would take the bass-heavy bits of the movie and make them a bit more tangible.
I was grinning at Noir while she got the movie started. It was the same thing I remembered, so it was pretty dope, though Noir asked me what the shit was going on when she couldn’t figure out how the first three segments tied together. I told her that she should take the title as a literal thing and she got the picture pretty well after that. We sat and watched another movie, though Noir got to pick. I hadn’t been expecting Spirited Away, but I was fucking thrilled all the same.
It was… Difficult, to accept that Noir wasn’t fond of one of my top three favourite films of all time, but I swallowed the pain and let her be wrong without giving her shit for it. For some reason, she didn’t really reply to my mention of training and what we’d missed while I’d been busy, nor did she seem interested in it at all. Even tickling her hardly got a response other than when she took the offending hand into her own grasp and held me a little tighter. Freeing my hand made her tense up a bit until I just snuggled up and put on another movie. I preferred to not be left out when it came to dishing the lewdness of hand-holding in private. Big Hero Six became background noise at different points when we murmured about the movie together. She let me enjoy the best character in the movie when she popped up, though, so that was nice.
Aunt Cass… The one animated character I’d have sex with. Helen Parr doesn’t count because most people would.
After the third movie, I was told that I had to leave so I could catch some real sleep with my lover. I stared Noir down and asked if she wanted a chomp for being goofy. It earned me a kiss that lasted longer than it probably should have, but it was also a dirty trick to dull the blow of being booted out of my own head. Twilight was another aliment to that ache, making me realize that I really was a lucky fuck. I might’ve been sappy because of the wedding and all, but I couldn’t help my attempt at internalizing the bliss of the moment. While I’d technically fucked everything up and performed below my standard as Twilight’s lover, I still saved the day and buried the hatchet with Shining. It was hard not to appreciate the vast lake of luck I seemed to draw from in fits and spurts.
Cadance evidently held some sort of strange adoration for me, which I kind of understood with my role in her rescue and all. The fact that she might not be as genuine as I thought, however, was a bit disappointing, though not entirely unpleasant. If anything, it meant that I had another friend I could trust under legitimate pressure from a powerful source. Shining was willing to admit that I was a decent guy and Night Light seemed ready to drop his nonsense as well. Even taking into account that Celestia was still up to her old machinations and the fact that she’d risked her own niece’s life on top of her country for a stupid gambit? It was still a decent turnout for all the shite that had gone down leading up to the wedding. No reason to be too upset, honestly.
I found myself looking at Twilight once again, thinking of another wedding. Our wedding, of course. The longer I thought of it, the more I wanted to see the look Cadance had maintained for most of the day on my true love’s face. I couldn’t deny the smile that came to me, nor did I have a reason to reject the natural sign that it wasn’t so bad after all. My future wife lay across from me and I couldn’t have been more content, though I knew that she was likely going to need more support in the future. Whatever lie beyond the morning was just ‘later on’. Regardless of the omens, the future didn’t scare me at all, because my life wasn’t the same. The people in this phase of my life were more precious than any that had come before… Even Maxwell, to some degree. After brushing a lock of hair from Twilight’s face and giving her one final kiss, I listened to her heart and watched her peacefully snooze away until my eyes grew heavy.
Tomorrow was never promised to anyone and hope is a cunt to keep around, but hoping for another tomorrow with her… I could never try to kill that one. That one keeps me going.