Breaking the Ice

by Krickis

1 – The Chill

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“I hate you!” Sunset pinned Applejack down and wound up her first for a punch. “I hate your stupid voice!” Her fist collided into the other girl’s face. “I hate that you never leave me alone!” Her hand stung, but she kept swinging. “I hate that I think about you!” The world seemed to shake, but Sunset hardly noticed.

“Sunset, stop!” Applejack’s words didn’t reach Sunset, who kept up the assault.

“I hate that you’re so fucking good!” There was a cracking sound, but Sunset ignored it. “I hate that you came back into my life!”

Then the ground opened up, and Applejack fell through it.

Sunset took a deep breath, the cold winter air stinging a little bit. It was only the first day of winter, but everything was already frozen. ‘Just in time for the holidays,’ she mused.

She thought about going home. She wasn’t too sure what she was doing, anyway. She hated the winter, hated the snow, hated the way the air stung her exposed face. She wasn’t doing anything anyway, just watching the others.

But… ‘the others’ were her friends now. She had friends, and she was supposed to do things with them. Currently that amounted to watching Rainbow Dash show off how fast she could ice skate while Pinkie cheered her on. Fluttershy and Rarity skated around leisurely, carrying a conversation while they glided on the ice.

Meanwhile, Sunset sat on a park bench and tried not to be too miserable just because of the weather. She was with her friends, and they deserved her best. So she forced a little cheer into her voice as she called out, “Way to go, Rainbow!”

Rainbow flashed her a grin, then turned her attention back to the ice.

Sunset smiled to herself, even if there wasn’t really a reason for her to be present. She didn’t ice skate, and she would be warmer in her own house, but maybe that didn’t matter so much. There was something nice about seeing her new friends having fun together, and maybe that was worth putting up with the cold for.

Which wasn’t to say it came easily. It was a lot to take in, even two months since the Fall Formal. Sunset was still getting used to having friends, and sometimes she liked just sitting back and watching. It was easier that way. Today was one of those days.

The sound of crunching snow alerted Sunset that someone was coming up from behind. Considering four of her friends were already on the ice, she had a pretty good guess of who it was.

A guess that was confirmed when Applejack spoke. “Hey, Sunset. Whatcha doin’ over here when everyone else is out on the lake?”

Sunset shrugged. “Not really my thing. Don’t even own a pair of ice skates.”

Applejack took a seat beside her. “Yeah, you might actually have fun, and that would be just awful.”

“Can’t have that, now can we?”

Of course, Sunset liked all her friends. It caught her off guard how much she liked them, actually. She’d spent so long running from friendship, and now suddenly she had her own friend group. It was a major change, even if it was a good one. But while Sunset liked all of them, Applejack was the easiest to talk to. Maybe it was because the others seemed to be walking on eggshells with her, either afraid of saying something that might hurt her feelings, or worse, afraid that she’d retaliate in some way if they did.

Not Applejack, though. “ ‘Course not. What would people say if they knew you were out here havin’ a good time with your friends?”

Sunset grinned as she rolled her eyes. “Probably something like, ‘Hey, where’s that bitch get off having fun after everything she did?’ ”

Applejack nudged her. “Come on, people don’t say things like that.”

“Not around you girls, no.”

For a moment, Applejack just stared at her. Then she sighed, looking down at the snow covered ground. “I suppose I don’t need to ask to know that they are still saying things like that when we aren’t around, huh?”

Sunset frowned. She hadn’t meant to make Applejack worry about her. “A bit, yeah. But it’s not a big deal. I mean, I’m used to it, and I’ve said and done worse things in my Queen Bitch phase.”

“They’ll come around.” Applejack smiled at Sunset, and she knew that her friend really believed that.

Sunset didn’t, but all she could do was keep trying to earn forgiveness from the student body. “Anyway, enough about that. How about you get out onto the ice and see if you can show up Rainbow?”

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you’re just lookin’ forward to seeing me fall on my ass tryin’.”

Sunset grinned. “I figure I either get to see that or I get to see Rainbow be put to shame. It’s a win-win!”

“Hate to disappoint, but I didn’t bring my ice skates. Guess you’ll just have to deal with me sittin’ on the sidelines with you.”

Well, Sunset wasn’t going to complain about the company. “I guess I could babysit you for a bit.”

“Aww, are you gonna tell me stories about what life was like back in your day?”

Sunset placed her hand on her chin as if in contemplation. “Well, there were a lot more horses around… Less weird hairless monkey things, too.”

Applejack laughed. “That’s it, you’re officially going senile.”

None of Sunset’s other friends would have been able to make jokes like that about her age, since only Applejack knew how old Sunset really was. Which was good, because from anyone other than Applejack, Sunset wouldn’t have appreciated the reminder. Even so, Sunset could only smile when Applejack made the joke. “Yeah, maybe.”

But even if she was okay with the jab, Sunset was relieved when the conversation pivoted, even if the new topic was the weather. “Guess it’ll be a white Christmas this year,” Applejack observed.

“Guess so.” Sunset frowned at the snow all around them. “I’ve never been a big fan of the cold.”

“I remember.” Applejack nudged Sunset. “Although I remember you havin’ fun in it all the same. I’m still ready for a rematch on that snowball fight any time.”

Sunset blushed a little. They didn’t often talk about middle school. “Only if I get Rainbow on my team.”

“Rookie mistake.” Applejack inclined her head towards their friends. “It’s Pinkie Pie ya really want in a snowball fight. That girl will sneak up on ya out of nowhere.”

Sunset didn’t need to see her in action to know that Applejack was right. Even in the snow, Pinkie would find a way to move swiftly and silently.

Applejack bent down to scoop up some snow, packing it into a ball. She threw it at a low hanging tree branch, nailing her target perfectly. “Maybe after everyone’s done skatin’, we can have ourselves a three on three match.”

With the reminder of the farm girl’s perfect aim, Sunset felt like she only had one safe choice. “I’ll pass.”

“Aww come on, it won’t be even teams without you!”

“I guess.” That was true, and Sunset suspected it would be the main reason she joined in if she did. But more likely, she and one of the other girls – probably Fluttershy – would be on the sidelines cheering. That was how team activities usually went. “But they’ll probably be tired out from skating.”

“Fair enough. Gettin’ a little late anyway.”

Sunset nodded. It was a school night, and they would probably want to spend their last bit of time together somewhere warm.

“But come Sunday, it’s goin’ down,” Applejack said smugly.

“Don’t tell me Christmas snowball fights are some sort of Apple family tradition?”

“Nah, it’s just the next time we’ll all be together. You’re comin’ over to Sweet Apple Acres, aren’t you?”

Applejack had invited all her friends over to spend a few hours together before going back to their families, but Sunset hadn’t exactly agreed to go. “I don’t know. Holidays haven’t ever really been my thing.”

“Not even Christmas?”

Sunset shrugged. “Mostly I just tried to stay out of everyone’s way around Christmas growing up. Plus, you know, we don’t have it back home.”

“No Christmas? Well, I guess that makes sense, but it’s weird to imagine.”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no Christians, no Christmas. We have another holiday though, Hearth’s Warming. That’s what we celebrate around this time of year. I never liked that holiday either.”

“Geez, well ain’t you full of cheer.” Applejack slapped her on the back. “Doesn’t matter. Just come ‘round to see everyone.”

That was a little more tempting, but Sunset couldn’t help but think she’d just be in the way. They all actually celebrated this day, some of them for religious reasons, some just because they grew up with it. Besides, she knew she wasn’t really a friend on the same level that all the other girls were.

It didn’t matter. Before Sunset could reply, she was cut off by Pinkie Pie. “Hey, Applejack! What are you doing sitting on the sidelines!”

“Didn’t bring my skates!” Applejack called back. “But y’all have fun, me and Sunset will just warm the bench here!”

Undeterred, Pinkie skated over to the edge of the ice. “How about we switch for a bit? You can borrow my skates and I’ll hang out with Sunset!”

Applejack looked away and adjusted her hat. “I appreciate that, Pinkie, but I’m not sure we’re the same size.”

“I’m sure though! We’re both size eleven!”

Sunset smirked. “How do you even know that?”

“Silly Sunset, I know lots of things about my friends!”

Applejack settled on staring at the ground. “I’m good where I am, Pinkie. Go on and have fun.”

“I can have fun watching everyone,” Pinkie said with a shrug.

Applejack winced and frowned. “Pinkie, I don’t wanna ice skate.”

“Well why didn’t you just say so, silly?” Pinkie laughed and shook her head. “No one’s trying to force you.”

As Pinkie skated off, Sunset turned to Applejack with a smirk. “Don’t tell me you’re skipping out on skating to keep me company?”

“Nah, I’m just… not a fan of ice skating.”

“Huh, thought you liked all this winter crap. Surprised you don’t like it.”

“Yeah, imagine that…”

It wasn’t what she said, it was how she said it. Half grumbled, and she glanced towards Sunset with an expression that was less than kind. It was a look she got a lot from people she’d bullied, but never from Applejack.

It was also a look that made Sunset avert her eyes. They didn’t say anything for a moment, letting the cold that encased them seep into their conversation, freezing it in place. There was the sound of Rainbow loudly challenging Rarity to a race, as well as Rarity’s polite decline, but the sounds only served to emphasize the silence between the two friends.

The worst thing was that Sunset thought she knew what the problem was, but it was something they never talked about. It was the only thing that they never talked about, a day that had been blacked out. A memory too painful to relive by the light of day, which still crept into Sunset’s thoughts when alone at night. She had no doubt it was the same for Applejack.

But now like cracks in the ice, Applejack had mentioned it, and the rest threatened to give way. All Sunset could do was try to get them to sturdy ground before that could happen. “So… what’s Christmas like with your family?”

Applejack was quiet for a moment, and Sunset thought she wasn’t going to go along with the attempt to salvage the conversation. But eventually, she sighed and said, “I don’t know, pretty normal I guess. We sing songs, pass out presents, watch Christmas specials.”

Sunset nodded. She had only ever done that stuff when she was dating Flash, and then it had been with reluctance. Still, she knew that was the normal Christmas experience. “Sounds about right.”

“What about you? You really don’t do anything for the holidays? Not even some celebrations from back where you’re from?”

Sunset shrugged. “No one to celebrate them with.”

Applejack smiled. “Well, what about now? If you let us know your traditions, maybe we could celebrate with you.”

It was a kind offer, Sunset knew, but there was nothing she wanted less. “Thanks, but it just wouldn’t be the same. Besides, if I’m celebrating Christmas with you girls this year, then that’s more than enough holiday cheer for me.”

“Fair enough, I guess.”

They both looked out at the others, who seemed to be getting a little tired. Even Rainbow had taken to leisurely skating around rather than racing everywhere. Before long, they’d come back and all of them would go somewhere to warm up.

The thought should have been reason to smile, but instead it made Sunset frown. She glanced at Applejack. It wasn’t that she wanted to keep spending time one on one together, though she did always enjoy that. No, it was just… something unsaid floated between them, and Sunset didn’t know what to do about it, but she knew that it wasn’t going to get better by having the rest of their friends around.

Proving her right, before Sunset could think of what to do, Applejack stood up. “Think I’m goin’ for a walk ‘round the lake while we wait for the others to finish up.”

“Oh, alright.” Sunset didn’t need to ask to know that Applejack wanted to be alone.

No, not alone. Sunset had never once known Applejack to want to be alone. She wanted to be away from Sunset. And when it came down to it, Sunset couldn’t blame her.

She turned back to watch the others as Applejack walked away, feeling somehow colder than before.

It was good to be home. Not that Sunset particularly liked her house, but it was warmer than it was outside, and Sunset had not enjoyed the rest of their day. She was pretty sure that Applejack hadn’t said another word to her after they left the lake, and took note of how the country girl had specifically sat as far away from her as possible when they went out for hot drinks afterwards.

It was a fair reaction, but it still hurt. From anyone else, it would hardly have been noticeable. Even from her other friends, Sunset wouldn’t really mind if they didn’t feel like talking to her. But from Applejack?

It was fair. Sunset had reminded her of something upsetting, and Applejack had every right to hold it against her. At one time, that was exactly what Sunset had wanted. True, she no longer wanted that, but how could she blame Applejack for doing exactly what Sunset had pushed her to do?

She couldn’t. Not Applejack; no, the blame lay elsewhere. This was Sunset’s fault, a testament to exactly how horrible of a person she had been that even her friends had lingering scars from how she’d treated them.

Sunset sighed as she pulled off her helmet. Her bike being parked in the kitchen made for little room to move around, but Sunset didn’t have anywhere else to put it. Besides, she was used to it. She set her helmet on the kitchen table, then pulled off her jacket and tossed it over a chair.

Some holiday this had been… It wasn’t like Sunset had expected much of the day, but she’d had some hopes. Mainly she just wanted it to be a good day with her friends. And it could’ve been, if she hadn’t screwed that up.

But that was what Sunset did. She screwed everything up, even when she was trying to be better. She did her best to keep it from getting to her as she opened her fridge. She looked through it for a moment, wishing she had some alcohol.

Instead, she settled on a bottle of cheap soda. She poured some into a coffee mug, then placed the bottle back in the fridge. She sipped it, noting that it was already going flat, and walked into the living room.

Since she’d seen all the movies she owned more than once and she didn’t have cable, Sunset took a seat at her computer and turned it on. She’d waste a few hours online, then she’d go to bed and try to put this miserable day behind her. She had school in the morning, then work after that, so at least she wouldn’t have to worry about awkward social outings.

Just school. She’d see Applejack there, of course. All the girls met every chance they could – before class, lunch, at the end of the day – but at least those could be managed by utilizing the group. Worst was going to be sixth period, where she and Applejack sat next to each other, and none of the other girls would be there.

Somehow, Sunset was going to have to face Applejack one on one. She knew it wouldn’t really be too bad. Neither of them would bring up anything awkward, and Applejack would be back to being friendly with her by then. But it would be on Sunset’s mind and, she suspected, Applejack’s as well.

While she waited for her computer to load up, she grabbed a book. She’d left it out because she wanted to read it, but she hadn’t managed to bring herself to do it yet. It was an Equestrian classic, something she had taken with her when she ran away through the mirror that fateful day so many years ago. Sunset had read it several times since coming to the human world, though not for years.

After Sunset had found out about Twilight, found out that Celestia had taken a new pupil, she hadn’t wanted anything to do with her former home. But ever since the Fall Formal, learning that she’d been the one in the wrong and that Twilight probably wasn’t so bad as she had always thought, Sunset had wanted to connect with her heritage again, at least a little.

What better day to do it than today? It was Hearth’s Warming day, after all. Sunset hadn’t been interested in celebrating the holiday for so long that she barely remembered that such a time had actually existed. But back then, she was Princess Celestia’s gifted student, and she had thought her life was only going to get better.

She hadn’t thought that she would one day be a whole world away, sitting in a lonely little house where the heat was kept low because Sunset couldn’t afford to turn it up, drinking soda that was going flat, and fighting with her best friend over something that Sunset had done five years ago.

“What happened to me?” Sunset said aloud, mostly because there was no one around to think it was weird that she was talking to herself. If there had been, Sunset suspected they might have answered about how she had done this to herself. She’d been the one to run through the mirror, she’d been the one who pushed everyone away for most of her life, and she’d been the one to start that fight…

It was what Sunset did. She screwed things up.

But… maybe she could do something else now. Maybe it wasn’t enough to just float around with her friends, not causing more problems. Maybe Sunset could be the one who fixed things too.

Her computer was finished loading, but Sunset was already walking away. She downed the rest of her soda, then put the mug in the sink. Her jacket and helmet were nearby, so Sunset threw them on quickly. The department store would still be open for now, but not for much longer. She opened her door, wheeled her bike outside, and ignored the cold as best she could.

This was for Applejack. Sunset had screwed up five years ago, and she’d screwed up again and again by never trying to make things right. If anyone deserved better from her, it was Applejack, and Sunset was going to fix this.

The sun was setting by the time Sunset returned to the lake. She knew she should just go home and try this out tomorrow, but she wanted to get in as much practice as she could. She sat down on the same bench she’d sat with Applejack at earlier in the day, and she pulled her boots off.

It was instant regret as the wind cut through her socks, but she quickly replaced the boots with one of the day’s purchases – the cheapest pair of ice skates she could find. They weren’t anything fancy, and Sunset wondered if a more expensive pair would be warmer, but she really didn’t have money for this purchase in the first place.

Leaving her boots with her bag from the department store, Sunset stepped as well as she could towards the lake. It was weird walking with the ice skates, and she knew it was only going to get weirder once she was on the frozen lake.

She set one foot on the lake’s surface, and it slid away, causing Sunset to fall on her back. She was filled with regret over her decision, but she forced herself to get up. She clenched her jaw, and she thought of Applejack, and that chased the regret away.

It didn’t help her skate any better, though. Sunset had never bothered to learn ice skating, even if Mirror Pool Lake was a common destination once it froze over. She had considered asking her friends to teach her, but on top of being a little embarrassed to admit she didn’t know how, word would get to Applejack if she asked their friends for help.

Counting that night, there were only four days until Christmas. Four days to learn how to skate at least passably, and she had to do it without her friends finding out. It would be tricky, but Sunset owed this to Applejack.

As the night went on, Sunset found herself moving around a little better. She didn’t fall down much, and she was able to sort of move around where she wanted to go. She wasn’t so much gliding on the ice like she’d seen her friends doing earlier in the day as she was shuffling, her blades scraping against the smooth surface.

Still, she couldn’t help but laugh as she started to get the hang of it. It was actually pretty fun, and she was looking forward to when she could do it with her friends. Not until after Christmas though, and before that, she would learn at least the basics.

Not that she had a lot of time to practice tonight. The sun had set while she was out there, and it would only get colder and harder to see. She was in no hurry to break her neck or freeze to death, so she shuffled over to the bench and sat back down on it.

Despite the cold, she felt good. She had made the first step in making things right, and she’d had a little fun while doing it. She pulled off her skates and set them back in the box, one of two identical boxes that each had a pair of skates in them, and she put her boots on.

Once she was done, she picked up her bag and walked back to her bike. It was hard to ride with the bag, but she reminded herself once again that it was for Applejack.

For Applejack. Sunset would do anything for her friend, and this was just something small. Still, small things could reverberate, and Sunset was going to make the most of this one. Come Christmas, the worst part of Sunset’s history with Applejack would finally be put behind them.