Interviews With Equestrians

by Jmaster49


Subject 134: Hilarity Ensues

We sort of took it a bit far that evening. To put it simply, Shining drank so much that he started to ramble about his past life before he met Cadance in detail that I wouldn’t like to recall. All I’d say is that it had to do with his buddies and their antics in Canterlot Academy. In fact, there was quite a bit to unpack that told me quite a bit about himself and the culture that surrounded Canterlot and its elite ponies.

Amidst his slurred ramblings, he would occasionally spit a coherent, thought-provoking bit. “...and that’s when I learned that the news in Canterlot is absolute...dragon dung. They only remember the things you...urp...did wrong. Not the things you...did right.”

That is why I stuck to regular apple cider, but he had a point. Sapient individuals from ponies to griffons to diamond dogs, dragons, hippogriffs, and so on. It is within their intrinsic nature to have stronger reactions to negative emotions than positive ones. More often than not, the “mob mentality” is enough to twist and contort a once-innocent message and create a plague out of it.

“Yeah that’s right,” I replied as I pushed the bottle away from him. He was none the wiser. “I can start to see why holidays like Hearth’s Warming were created. To celebrate those uncommon instances of shared positivity between us all. Moments like those are where we are meant to take a step back so that we can enjoy and respect each other’s company. Get what I mean?”

Once again, the unicorn’s response was slurred, but still somewhat intelligible. “...Yeah, something like that. If you wanna change the world then you gotta...make everypony accept you or else...they’ll never support you. How do you think we became the accepted rulers of the Empire?”

Curious. To my knowledge, there was no sort of electoral system in place. Not to mention it was their rightful place to rule. One would assume that they would be taken in quite easily. “Humor me,” I said as I leaned one of my forelegs onto the bar with my cheek upon my hoof, “How did you manage?”

“Her love magic more or less saved them from eternal despair and other...urp...junk.” He replied with a drunken smile on his face. “Hehehe...there was a whole lot of love-making on that night!” he let out a cackle with no regard for the confused patrons around him.

I put a hoof to my face out of shame which hid my laughter. “Yeah, I can definitely see that. You might wanna consider keeping it down, though. You never know who could be listening in.”

His sense of tact went out the proverbial window. Shining went on with an annoyed scowl. “Ah...shaddap. Urp! That is a natural biological thing that all couples experience. And that aside, it’s gonna be Hearth’s Warming soon, so everyone should--” But before he could finish that sentence, his head hit the counter of the bar with a thud.

Thankfully, he stopped right before it could get any worse, but now I probably had to take him back to his hotel room. I had to admit, it was nice to finally talk with Armor at length. Even if it was cut short by a drinking craze.

“Shining? Shining!” Cadance suddenly entered the tavern with her usual purple sweater. It must have been an instinct of some sort that drew her in to finding her husband. “There you are,” she trotted over to us with a roll of her eyes, and addressed me. “I apologize for his antics. If he disturbed you, I’m gonna give him a throttling he won’t--”

I interjected. “No, no. Don’t worry. He was just fine. Actually, since you’re here, Cadance there’s actually something I’d like to ask you.”

“Hm...can it wait ‘til I take Shining back to the hotel?” she asked as she levitated the unicorn onto her back. “I’ll be right back, and then we can talk, okay?”

Understandable. Family came first, after all. Plus, my query wasn’t very major either. It mostly had to do with Hearth’s Warming. “Sure thing. Take your time.”

And so, I waited. I actually decided to get up and wait for her outside of the tavern itself so that it’d be more convenient for her. After a few minutes or so, she returned to walk with me. “Sorry for the wait. I was busy trying to get Shining to sleep. So, what did you want to ask?”

“Well, it’s nothing crazy. I just want to know what you want for Hearth’s Warming this year. For a princess that has almost everything, it must be difficult to figure out what you truly desire, is it not?”

She let out a soft chuckle, then sighed. “Ah...tell me about it. Every year, I more or less tell everyone to not bother. It’s such a pain when you see them fret over what they want to get you when you really just wanna spend time with them.” She paused, and looked directly at me. “And if you don’t mind me asking, what made you inquire about such a thing.”

That answer was about what I expected from somepony like her. Though my response was deft. “Oh. Hearth’s Warming is a holiday about time spent with each other but also exchanging gifts. Wanting something isn’t inherently a sin, is it?”

Another sigh as she looked at the snow below her hooves. “Well, to be honest. There is something that I want. Something...special, but practically unobtainable. Which is why I never bother worrying about it since I know it won’t happen.”

Well that certainly piqued my interest. I wasn’t going to let such a hung thread elude me so easily. “Do you mind telling me what it is?”

There was a cold silence in the air as we felt the breezy winter wind soar through our manes. As if she had deliberated heavily on the explanation, but ultimately chose not to oblige. Cadance shook her head, and continued to walk. “Don’t worry about it,” she said with an annoyed roll of the eyes, “It’s not like you could do anything about it.” She caught herself, and shot me a quick, apologetic glance, “Oh, but don’t take that the wrong way. I genuinely mean that there’s not much that can be done to help me.”

As much as I wanted to deny it, there was ultimately nothing that could be gained from this topic. So I chose to drop it. “I understand. Sorry about that.”

“No problem.” That’s when she changed the conversation on a whim, “Oh, hey. What about you? Is there anything in particular you want for this holiday?”

Huh. The thought had honestly never crossed my mind. Material wants were never something that motivated me. So my answer came out to be a bit more...relaxed than usual. “Me? All I want is for my friends and family to have a safe, and happy holiday. I could care less about gifts if I’m being honest.”

There was a rather awkward bit of hesitation from Cadance before she giggled into her hoof. “Oh? I think that can be arranged…”

I didn’t quite hear her. “Excuse me?”

But then, she took off via her wings before she could give a proper answer. “See you later, Pale. I just remembered something that I need to do.”

As I watched her fly away, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of fear in my heart.

Just what was she going to do?