Override pause due to exception 73. Continue preparations under rule set 4. Organics lack ability to abuse access to intelligence. "Organics?" the purpley won wondered, "That's what gems call ponies!" All the lig-heihts went oot. Rule set 4 not applicable. Eliminate source of continued dissonance. Princess Rainbow Dash's lover looked loopily 'round. "Is anyone there? Where have you taken my friends?" Just go away! Twiggles eyed eleven elven automatons ewe ewkn where eeyup etoo noh good. "I'll only go away if you put my town back where it belongs!" Then we are at an impasse, because I'll only put the town back if you go away! Dissonance decreasing. Launching simulated reality 'Four Diamond Pool Funtimes Yay.' What? No! Abort! Abort!
Peridot was seething as she gripped the edge of a pool built for gems much larger than her. Twilight popped up through the surface, eyes wide and confused. "I hope you're happy," the gem growled, "you put just enough dissonance into the central computer to trip this old fallback program."
Twilight trod water and stared at her. "Why is the fallback for 'dissonance' this place?"
The gem sighed heavily. "I don't know. It was designed long before my time, and I don't care to find the changelogs."
"I see..." she said. She swam around the pool for a while, diving under the surface but never running out of breath, circling the pink markings at the bottom. Twilight floated up slowly through the azure water. When she broke the surface again, she looked at Peridot. "Do we need to put more harmony into the system to get out of here?"
"What would an organic know about harmony?" the gem pondered.
"I know it creates some of the most powerful magic on my planet."
Peridot raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"
"The Elements of Harmony helped us defeat villains and reform wayward souls all the time! They were powered by nothing more than honest friendships between ponies."
"Your magic won't get us out of here if we need more ponies to make it work."
"We could be friends." At this, Peridot lost her grip on the edge. She flailed in the water and sank like-there's no getting around it-a rock. Her feet touched the bottom, and she stood there on the pink markings for some time.
"How could I possibly be friends with a lower life form? They're much too stupid to even hold a conversation with, much less share details of my past with!"
"Don't call me a lower life form just because we don't get along," Twilight said, clear as a bell.
"I...I'm sorry," the gem replied, "it's just, I've never considered being friends with any non-gem organism. I've never been to my diamond's zoo. I don't have any experience with such creatures, nor do I understand what my diamond sees in them. She sent me so far away with only a Lapis Lazuli to talk to. Don't get me wrong, Lapis facet 133 is great at her job. Our whole crew is competent, but...I was so lonely, I almost started talking to the Rubies!"
"Why didn't you?"
"I had to have discipline! Nobody else would! None of them are used to long trips like I am. Normally when gems want to take a new planet, it takes less than a day to get there. This time, it took a whole week! It didn't help that our destination parameters were preset, either. Imagine not knowing when you're going to arrive because the ship is stopping randomly to scan planets!"
"What made it choose Equus? Why is not talking to Rubies considered discipline?"
"The planet is rich in mineral and organic resources, which makes it ideal for a prospective colony. Other than that, only the diamonds know."
"And the Rubies?"
"Rubies aren't for talking to!" Peridot proclaimed. "They're for fighting the rabble! Establishing a perimeter! Stuff like that. I don't really know all the details."
"Sounds like a pretty short-sighted way to avoid making friends to me. Talking isn't anypony's sole purpose, but everypony needs to do it sometimes. Otherwise they'll be lonely."
"You clearly know nothing of gem kind. We all are born knowing what our role is and how to perform it. You might get bored of doing the same thing after a couple centuries, but there's nothing anyone save the Diamonds can do. Even Blue and Yellow defer to White Diamond. I have to make the best of the duties a Peridot must undertake."
"Even if you don't wanna be my friend, will you promise to talk to the Rubies when we get out of here?" Peridot thought for a moment. She could request a report on their progress, which would technically be talking to them. She was embarrassed to admit she didn't know the facets or cuts for any but the squadron leader, Ruby facet 1 cut 3392519. There was nothing stopping her from simply doing the bare minimum, but she found herself enjoying the fantasy of the Ruby engaging in genuine conversation, beyond the confines of a simple report.
"Yes, I promise I will talk to at least one Ruby as soon as the system lets us go," Peridot said finally. Twilight dove and held out her hoof. The gem shook it. Harmony increased. Ending simulation.
***
"Is this good?" Lapis said.
"Higher! Higher!" Pinkie stipulated, "It has to be so high you could see it from way up where the gems are!" Lapis flew higher with the banner Pinkie had produced promptly. She didn't remember the last time knowing different written dialects of gemglyph had been useful, but it had helped her to check for spelling mistakes. She wasn't sure how Pinkie did it, but she'd nailed even the intricacies of sapphire glyph. Each line of text was color-coded, and at the bottom was the written language of Equestria in a festive shade of pink. Lapis wanted to meet another Sapphire. It wouldn't be the same as talking to the fusion back home. Still, some Future Vision could come in handy. Maybe Homeworld no longer included the ability in Era 2 Sapphires. Presumably the Diamonds' underlings figured out the nitty-gritty of taking the empire's limited resources and making new gems. That said, any information on how precisely resources related to abilities was classified, at least to any Gem without a need to know. She'd just been a visitor to Earth, originally. Her old cohort was lightyears away, terraforming the next solar system of promising colony candidates..."That's too high!" Pinkie shouted.
"Sorry!" Lapis called down. She attached the banner to the flagpole. Lapis lazily circled down to the ground and retracted her wings into her gem. She watched Pinkie affix the other side to a conveniently located tree.
"Told ya I could do it!" the party planner professed.
"I shouldn't have doubted you, I guess." She looked around. The Ponyville School's playground was festooned with gray and purple streamers that matched Maud magnificently. A few picnic tables had been arranged into a grid and covered with teal tablecloths. "This really came together."
Pinkie grinned. "Now all that's left is delivering the invitations!"
"The whole point of this is to find Maud."
"Not her invitation, silly," Pinkie giggled, pulling a stack of envelopes out of her mane. "Everypony else's! It wouldn't be much of a party without guests!"
Lapis grabbed half the pile. "How do I tell who is who? I only just started learning the differences between humans, let alone ponies and-"she held an envelope closer to her face-"chaos lords. Who's Discord?"
"Discord, Discord!" the party pony called. In a flash, Discord appeared at one of the tables.
"You!" Lapis yelled. Pinkie took the invitation from her and handed it to him. "What are you doing here?!"
Discord donned a fine suit and monocle. "I say, Pinkie, why is there riffraff at this fine gathering?"
Pinkie glanced between them rapidly. "I'm sorry! There's just this giant hole where everypony's homes used to be, so I had to invite some guards and Discord to the party instead. They're the only ones I could count on to show up! Gotta make the cake and deliver the rest of these, see ya!" She yanked the other invitations from Lapis and sped off towards the train station.
Lapis advanced on the table. "Why can't you just send me back now?"
Discord banished the monocle and suit in favor of a black turtleneck. "I want to put a ding in the universe," he said deliberately. "Mostly though, I just want you to help me help you!"
"I don't want your help! I have enough to deal with already, and I don't need you warping into the vacuum of space on some mission of mercy!" Lapis exclaimed. Discord raised his eyebrows above his head and twirled them into a halo.
"I had nothing but the best of intentions! You act like you're not hurting, like you're so above everybody else, and you don't need anyone to help you process what happened to you." He rolled his eyes, which turned into dice with pictures of Lapis crying on them. "I did what any friend would do."
The gem paused. "We just met." She stared as Discord grinned at her. The smile ran away from his face. "Why do you think we're friends?"
"It's no fun going through life thinking every creature you meet is your enemy," he said as the smile returned, "so I choose to believe that they're all my friends!"
Lapis rolled her eyes. They stayed in her head. "That's silly. What if they turn out to be enemies?"
"Then I know they're not against me because of anything I did to them! It's certainly easier to talk someone out of firing their laser at you when you've been friendly the whole time."
“That makes a surprising amount of sense,” Lapis replied deliberately.
“Oh Lapis Lazuli, how you wound me,” Discord clutched his chest as an arrow flew out of it, “I despise making sense! Just for that, I’m going to tell Pinkie your favorite food is blue cheese before she comes back.” He disappeared in a flash.
“I don’t know what that tastes like,” she called out, “and I don’t usually eat.” Lapis sat down at the table. She hadn’t been to a party before Steven’s father’s cousin visited. It had been nice to talk with the other gems and help them gather supplies. Hopefully Maud wouldn’t fly off the handle like Uncle Andy had. She seemed far more subdued and down-to-earth. Apart from when she was high above the earth, Lapis thought. Then she flailed.
“Soooo, who’s coming to this party?” Pinkie asked. “Anypony I know?”
Lapis stared at her. “You made the invitations. I don’t eat blue cheese!”
“I never said you did."
“Good.”
A light breeze blew through the trees. Captain Speak Softly emerged from them, followed by two of his fellow guards. “Hello!” He said jovially.
“You’re the pony who chased me.” Lapis said.
“You’re the gem who helped a fugitive evade justice.” The captain glanced at Pinkie. “But we’re putting that aside so the trap will work.” The party planner smiled at him. "I mean, so Maud will enjoy her party." She smiled more. He sat at one of the tables. Lieutenant Carry and Sergeant Head took seats next to their leader.
“It’s a surprise party…outdoors,” Carry commented. “How will that work?” Lapis shrugged.
“Everypony can help!” Pinkie suggested. “We just need to make a fake rock to hide behind.”
“Maud’s a geologist,” Lapis said flatly.
“A fake tree, that’s what we need!” Sergeant Head proclaimed.
“Do you know how to make one?” Speak Softly said.
“Of course! I teach new recruits how to make them every year. I just need tools and materials.”
Pinkie pulled a hammer out of her mane. “Let’s get to work!” Her ears flapped, her eyes fluttered, and her tail twitched twice. "Maud's almost here!"
***
Twilight awoke to find herself passed out on the road to the Ponyville School. “They left me,” she said, indignant. She hoped Peridot would keep the promise. It was only a dream, but the gem had seemed so real. She hadn’t acted at all like Twilight expected.
“Are you coming along?” Maud asked.
“Maud!” Twilight bolted to her feet. “Yes, let’s go to the school house together.” They walked together in silence. It was the time of night when normal ponies would be asleep in bed and Twilight would be studying. The stars were arranged in odd clumps in the sky, scattered without any discernible pattern. There appeared to be a number of letters from Old Equish and some pictographs of mythical creatures like humans. There was also what looked to be a squirrel with too many legs. "Luna's definitely doing something...different tonight."
"Huh?"
"Just look at the stars!"
"They still look like stars."
"I just mean...the constellations are different than usual."
"Luna sucks."
"What?" Maud pointed. Sure enough, the phrase was plainly spelled out in the sky. "Discord!" As they watched, the stars began to slowly move out of their formations. Twilight tripped on a twig.
"My goodness! You need to watch where you step, Princess. Why here I was, just minding my own business, not a care in the world, when all of a sudden I'm being assaulted by the local royalty!" Discord said. The twig transfigured to his full-size form.
"Hello."
"Good evening Maud! The trees are lovely tonight, aren't they?" A muffled groan came from a tree whose most distinctive feature was a set of nails protruding from its front.
"I guess."
Everypony jumped out from behind the hastily assembled wood tree. "Surprise!"
"You're under arre-" Captain Speak Softly suddenly found himself mildly mumbling around a muffin.
"I didn't come all this way to not have a party, silly! Wait until later!" Pinkie said. The captain nodded slowly, finding it hard to split his focus. How had she known that banana chocolate chip was his favorite? The sisters hugged. "I'm so glad you made it to this party, Maud! We're going to have oodles of fun!"
“Sure.” The gray pony smiled slightly.
"Alright, let's play pin the tail on the pony!"