//------------------------------//
// Chapter 47: Human Again—For a Minute 
// Story: Marshmallow Dreams 
// by Halira 
//------------------------------//

The human woman who had been Sunset Blessing smiled at me. "Surprised?"

I blinked a few times. "I know Wild Growth used it, and she used it on my stepdad, but I didn't get to see the change happen before. Did it hurt?"

She laughed. "No, it didn't. It can be disorienting the first few times it is done, but at this point, I'm an old pro at this."

She wasn't wearing any clothes still, and I could see every inch of her. "You don't have your scars anymore."

She absently rubbed her shoulder. "That's one of my favorite benefits. They don't hurt that much anymore, but I hate seeing them, and they do ache in the cold." She smiled at me again. "Before I go through the effort of getting dressed, did you want to try it?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea, Sunset? That thing isn't a toy," Wild asked in a wary voice.

Sunset Blessing waved it off dismissively. "It is perfectly safe. I wouldn't use it regularly if it weren't, nor let you borrow it to use on yourself and government-designated humans."

"Maybe you are too open with this pony, Auntie," Shú cautioned. "You normally don't show anyone this. You said it is too dangerous for others to know about. You said that the Shimmerists and Blessingists would kill to get your talisman."

The other colt lifted his forehooves and waved them dramatically. "The holy grail of transformation magic. Woo hoo! Yeah, been there, done that. Kinda boring now." He promptly went back to watching television. 

Wild Growth narrowed her brow. "You let the foals use that thing?!"

She shrugged. "Only once or twice each. I supervised each time."

"Sunset! I thought you had learned to be more responsible about transformation magic!" Wild Growth protested. 

Sunset Blessing glared down on Wild Growth and put her hands on her hips. "I am responsible. I don't let humans with no magic near it, so there are no lasting effects. I'm also far more educated about it than I once was. Only Sunset Shimmer could exceed me in the knowledge of transformation magic, and that isn't me just bragging; that's the facts. I know what I'm doing. This thing is essentially a toy compared to what can be done. Those who use it are perfectly safe—provided they take it off at least once per nineteen hours and fifty-two minutes."

"That's an oddly specific amount of time," I observed. "What happens if they don't?"

"I'm not sure. Die, probably. I'd rather not find out," she responded as if it was no big deal. "And it can be taken off and put back on right away for a refresh, so it rarely becomes an issue. It also needs to be left off for at least six hours straight at least once a week to recharge itself. Otherwise, it will run out of magic, and it becomes just a tacky piece of junk permanently. Has it been at least six hours since you last used this, Wild?"

"Far more than that," Wild Growth replied. 

"Good," Sunset Blessing said with a smile. "Thank you for not abusing my things. I didn't make this on my own, and it's co-creator might not be willing to help me make a new one, especially since we promised the government we wouldn't make any more than currently exist. Maybe I could convince him to give me his, but I doubt it."

I sometimes wondered what it would be like to be human, and this was my chance. "I'd like to try it, please, if that's still alright."

Sunset Blessing sat back down and removed the necklace from around her neck. She was almost instantly transformed back to her pony form, and the chain was hanging loosely around her hoof. She lit her horn, and it levitated off her hoof. 

"You'll want to be sitting when this goes on, believe me," Sunset Blessing informed me. "It is designed not to work unless it is placed around a neck. You won't believe how hard that was to program into the spell, given all the variables in necks versus any other body part. That was almost more complicated than the main spell. If I hadn't had help, I would never have figured it out."

"I'm standing well away," Wild Growth said as she took several steps back. "I already see it coming. She's going to try to stand up on two legs and fall over flat. I'm not having her land on me."

I sat and was nervous as the necklace floated over to me. The earth pony colt stopped watching television, turning to watch me, while Shú took a few steps back as well. The chain came down around my neck, and I suddenly felt my body boiling, then freezing, and my vision went blurry. 

"There, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Sunset Blessing asked. 

I blinked several times to try to clear my vision. It did clear up some, but everything felt off somehow, so did smells—like they were muted. My body felt weird, and I felt very chilly for some reason. 

"If you are feeling cold, you're missing your fur, and humans are more acutely aware of temperature than ponies," Sunset explained. "Your other senses will take a moment or two to adjust if you aren't used to this. Sense of smell, hearing, and vision will be weaker, sense of touch and temperature stronger. Taste is neither weaker nor stronger, but it is very different."

I tried to relax and let my senses adjust. This was fine. Sunset Blessing did this all the time. All these colts had done it. Wild Growth had done it. My stepdad dealt with the reverse without much trouble. I'd been a human when I was tiny, so this wasn't something I'd never had before, just not something I could remember. 

Once I was satisfied that my vision was as good as it was going to get, I lifted a foreleg… well, arm after the transformation, and looked at it. It was long, skinny, colored like pale cream, and had a hand at the end. The arm was so long, and the hand seemed so far away. How did humans look at their limbs and not get some weird vertigo? The hand had fingers, and I counted them out to five. Was that the right number of fingers for a hand? I didn't do much drawing of human hands, and didn't know if it varied, so I wasn't sure. It looked correct. They were spread apart, and I could feel the air moving between them. I tried to flex them and gasped as I not only saw them flex but felt them.

"Huh, I expected you to be a blonde, given your mane. Guess that doesn't necessarily translate," Wild Growth said in a bemused tone.

"She doesn't look fat, either," Shú said in surprise. "She's kind of husky, but not in a fat way. Muscular, I guess."

Muscular? My arms looked thin to me. I looked at them again and saw they might not be as thin as I thought at first. I'd never been a muscular pony; why was I a muscular human?

Sunset Blessing lit her horn and opened a nearby suitcase. Out of it, she floated a small mirror and put it in front of my face. Now I got my first good look at myself. 

My nose seemed small at first, but that was me trying to compare it to my muzzle. I guessed it was an average looking nose. My irises were now hazel, and I could see my hair; it was slightly curly and jet black. 

"I-is thii-this what I wou-would look like if I sta-stayed a hu-human?" I asked, fumbling with my new tongue.

"Your voice will clear up quickly once you get to having a conversation," Sunset Blessing assured me. "And to answer your question, it is the best guess the spell can come up with based on the info in your head and biology. It may or may not be accurate in different respects. It's an educated guess. There are too many factors to give you a real answer to what you would look like if you never caught ETS, and not all of them have to do with biology; there are plenty of cultural and environmental factors that would have been different your entire life. No one can guess how any of that would have gone. My wife tells me not to worry over what if's in terms of having taken different paths in the past, so I don't."

I became more aware of the cold metal of the necklace against my exposed skin. I also became aware that I was carrying a lot more weight on my upper chest. I looked down. I knew human women had lots of breast tissue compared to ponies and our little udders, but I wasn't aware of how heavy and uncomfortable they were.

"Oh, yeah, breasts, you likely didn't have those last time you were human, if you were young. You're a big girl, so the size isn't surprising. Those things need some support," Sunset Blessing said in an amused tone.

"Okay, you creepy lecher, take the talisman off her," Wild said in a highly disgusted tone.

"Huh?" I said in confusion. 

"I know this can be hard to understand as a pony, but Sunset Blessing is a lesbian, and her checking out your naked form is just… eww. I'm very familiar with lust filled expressions, and she has it in her eyes," Wild explained. "And don't say you're only interested in ponies, Sunset; you spend enough time in human form that your tastes likely reflect it."

"I'm a happily married pony!" Sunset Blessing shouted in outrage. 

"You're a widow, and even if you weren't, that doesn't mean you are incapable of lusting after someone else," Wild Growth countered. "Please return Miss Riddle to her normal rotund form."

The necklace floated off me, and I went through another wave of disorientation. 

"You always think the worst of me," Sunset Blessing complained. "Where do you get off trashing me like that? So I'm a lesbian, that doesn't mean I'm checking out everyone with a vagina."

"I help you keep the worst aspects of yourself in check," Wild Growth countered. "You can be a very good pony at times, but you still need someone to slap your hooves, or whatever you have at the time, when you start letting your not so great aspects out."

"I never got accused of being a lecher, even at my worst," Sunset Blessing growled. "Accusing me of that is completely uncalled for. It's pure slander. If it's because of my orientation, it's homophobic."

Wild Growth gave the unicorn a sympathetic look for some reason. "I'm not homophobic, Sunset. You may be old, but you still can feel needs, and as far as I know, since Tonya died, you've been celibate out of some misguided obligation to keep true to your dead wife. Take it from a pony who has had a problem with lust before, you get urges if you are neglected, and your mind will take you places you don't want to go. I'm keeping you honest. I don't like you, but I'm still trying to help you."

Sunset Blessing still looked angry. "You're stepping into dangerous territory, Wild, by making presumptions and statements about what needs I have in regards to my relationship with my wife."

Wild Growth didn't get angry in return. "Sunset, you know me. Do you think I would say things just to hurt you?"

The old unicorn grit her teeth, then worked her mouth, then at last her ears sagged. "No, you wouldn't," she said in a low, dead voice. "Just keep your nose out of it, please. You can't possibly understand my situation. All you can do is get things wrong, and be unintentionally hurtful."

"Your wife… that's Arbiter, right?" I asked as I fully got my bearings again.

Sunset Blessing put the necklace back on herself and transformed into a human again. She then arched an eyebrow at me. "Yes, that's my wife. It is common knowledge too. Why do you ask?"

"I did something for her and her brother," I explained. "She couldn't talk to him because he had no magic. I had a method of letting them see each other, but they couldn't touch or anything like that. Your necklace thingie can give humans magic. Can't you… you know? I think your wife would like it if you did."

She gave me a sad look, then reached over to her suitcase and started pulling out clothes. "Miss Riddle, it isn't as simple as that. I can only presume, but your stepfather was a special circumstance. I can't be giving humans magic willy-nilly, even my family. Word would get out, and trouble would start. I sympathize with Paul, but that isn't something I can do in good conscience. Doing that for family would be a selfish act anyway. I couldn't do it for Paul and not do it for every other Tom, Dick, and Harry that wants the same thing."

"I have a friend that is a devoted Blessingist. She believes in you and what you can do. They believe you can make everything better," I said pleadingly.

She started putting her undergarments on without looking at me. "The Blessingists are fools. I do try to make things better, in my own way, by supporting others who are working towards a better world. I also act as a magic consultant when anyone needs it, but I'm no great magical savior, no great prophet, nor someone who should be trying to drive change on her own. I don't make decisions about what gets to be done. I leave that to others, others who're more trustworthy than me. Wild is right, give me the power to make those calls, and I'll screw it up—I can't help myself. I'm an advisor, not a leader."

"You're taking me out of context," Wild Growth snapped. "I never implied you always do the wrong thing!"

I didn't accept what she was telling me. "Hey! I'm grateful my stepdad got magic, but who gets to make the call that he deserves it and not someone else? It doesn't seem right."

Sunset Blessing started pulling on a pair of pants. "I don't know. I'm not the one to ask. Ask Wild; she's the one that got the order. Ask her who made the call and what gives them the right. I keep my nose out of those things these days and don't question unless something is clearly not on the up and up."

"But they're making decisions about how your work and achievements should be used, don't you care?" I asked, utterly dumbfounded that this legend of a pony who casually transformed me into a human and back had such reservations about doing the same for humans. 

She slipped a shirt on and stood up, now fully clothed, then looked down at me sympathetically. "Look… it isn't that I don't care. I care about Paul and everyone else, but I fucked up. I fucked up about as bad as anyone can fuck up. It wasn't just one time; it was a whole slew of times. I only take action on my own for one thing now, and that is protecting my family. If I gave Paul magic, and the government didn't authorize it, that gets him in trouble and me in trouble. I don't want my brother-in-law punished, and I have three colts that depend on me. I can't get hauled off to jail and leave them losing a parental figure again. I can't do that to them. They deserve better."

"But-" 

She shook her head. "He's also got two sons, a daughter, and a wife that would have to deal with him potentially going to jail. Robby is grown, and Jessie effectively is too, so they can fend for themselves, but little Dusk and his wife? Do you want me to ruin a family just so he can talk to my wife whenever he wants? No, I won't do it. Not unless the government tells me to."

I turned to look at Wild Growth. "Who gets to make those decisions? It's unfair."

Wild Growth stepped back. "That isn't something I can discuss with you at this time. There are forces at work, strong social, cultural, and political forces that you can't understand yet. Maybe you will, even soon, but that time isn't here yet."

"Hear that?" Sunset Blessing asked. "That's your answer, little possible Dreamwarden to be. Keep to your path, become Dreamwarden, and get your answers. Maybe you'll even be part of the shadow cabal that decides what I can and cannot do, but you need to be patient."

"You know about her?" Wild Growth gasped. "How do you know? And you just revealed it to this whole household!"

Sunset Blessing shrugged. "I keep my nose out of things, but I'm not stupid. I know how to put the pieces together, and they aren't tough ones to figure out in this case. You can trust my colts and my goddaughter. If there are any ponies highly invested in keeping someone precious to Yinyu safe, it's them."

"Méng, get out here! You're leaving!" Came a shout from the hallway. We all turned to see Lántiān breathing heavily; wings spread aggressively. "Rebecca Riddle, we shall keep our foalsitting agreement, but it is time for you to get out of my apartment."

Sunset Blessing reached a hand out towards the pegasus. "Lántiān, I-"

The pegasus stepped back. "No! Ma'am, you will be leaving as well. I need you all gone! Actually, take Drizzle with you, visit the park or somewhere for a few hours, have her walk Wrinkles, just get out! I need some time alone."

Sunset Blessing pulled her hand back and briefly gripped it into a fist, before turning to the rest of us. "Wild, I need a favor. Can you watch all the foals for a few hours?"

The mighty earth pony looked sad, but nodded. "I understand. Yes, I will."

"I told you to go!" Lántiān screamed. 

"I heard you. People in China probably heard you," Sunset Blessing said calmly. "Colts, be good for Wild Growth while you're out; don’t let me hear you gave her trouble. She is good to us, so we should be good to her."

"I need to be alone!" Lántiān raged. 

Sunset Blessing shook her head. "No, you need to yell, scream, and cry. You need to get it out of your system, and I'll be here for you through it. I'm not leaving and having you do something foolish while alone. You might not be my blood, and you might not claim me, but you're my daughter, and right now, you need your mother. I'll just sit on the couch, being quiet, and when you need to yell, you can yell at me, and when you need to cry, I'm here for that too."

"I could fly away!" Lántiān yelled.

Sunset Blessing put her hands on her hips again. "Yes, how would that work out for you? A distressed pony flying through the sky, seen by who knows how many other pegasi? Just imagine how they will react. They won't stop asking you what's wrong. You don't have to worry about that with me. I know already and won't try to talk you down." The human-pony sighed. "I shouldn't have worded things like I did when you could overhear. That was very short-sighted of me, and I'm sorry about that. You have every right to be angry."

It took me until then to fully realize what was going on. She didn't know that they were still planning on making me Dreamwarden until now, and hearing that her mother—her actual mother, Miss Seapony, was still pushing for me to be a Dreamwarden, after all the drama between the two of them…and then hearing the words precious to Yinyu, it was too much for her. 

The mother Lántiān wanted was never there for her, but the mother she never wanted was willing to endure all the hateful screams and crying fits, even if she accidentally triggered them. Families could be strange, and I wasn't sure if this was healthy or not, but that was another reason for me never to have foals.

I looked at Sunset Blessing again and realized something else. She may be the mother Lántiān never wanted, but she was always the mother Lántiān needed, and hearing Sunset Blessing say she was going to protect me and hearing her name me a possible Dreamwarden, it could have felt like a betrayal. This was a lot of stuff that could never be unraveled and fixed in a single talk, perhaps never be completely healed. Knowing that I was part of that hurt made it all the worse.