//------------------------------// // Chapter Thirteen: Of Cupcakes and Silly Sauce // Story: Trixie is Pregnant and It's Twilight's Problem // by TheCrimsonDM //------------------------------// Trixie is Pregnant and it’s Twilight’s Problem Chapter Thirteen: Of Cupcakes and Silly Sauce Written by TheCrimsonDM Rainbow Dash lay on Pinkie’s bed, a cupcake in one hoof and a pillow in the other. Today had been too much. She was universally very good at handling bad days, it was kind of her thing. This time though it was too much. Rarity might have been joking about having been with Fluttershy herself but the fact of the matter stood, Fluttershy had had more sexual encounters than Rainbow Dash, and not a single one of them were aimed at her. Rainbow Dash kept her eyes closed for fear that if she opened them her eyes might bleed wet tears that were clearly from eating too much sugar and not at all from the stabbing wounds in her heart. “Pinkie, I thought you said these were the special cupcakes, why does this still suck.” Pinkie Pie shrugged. “I know that I made the special ones peanut butter flavor. So I have no idea how come their not working on you, I used a whole lot of Pinkie’s Silly Sauce this time. Maybe you’re just too sad.” “I’m not sad.” “Sure you are silly, you only ask for those if your sad, or hurt, or bored, or in one of the more saucy moods. Not that you ever take me up on my offers for a one on one mare kind of party.” Rainbow dash swallowed. “Maybe I should.” Pinkie gasped. “REALLY?” “Well…” it wasn’t like she was ever going to get any from another pony. Heck Rainbow hated to admit it, in fact refused to admit it and the older she got the more scared she became of somepony finding out, but she was just as much a virgin as Twilight ‘freaking obsessed with her teacher’ Sparkle. Pinkie Pie’s nose nudged Rainbow’s cheek. “Do you really mean it? Can we really?” Rainbow Dash rolled away from her. “Maybe… later. Okay?” Pinkie Pie’s tone deflated. “Okay… at least your considering it now. Can’t wait for it to happen, if it does, that would be amazing, you’re like, really hot you know.” “Of course I am, I’m the most awesome pony in town.” She finished her cupcake in one bite. It was peanut butter flavored but it wasn’t very filling and it was far from having the effect it was supposed to. These special ones were supposed to give her the ultimate chill right? Maybe let her nap her trouble away? “You know Rarity offered the same deal.” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Really? Maybe we should invite her too then. Oh then it will be like a party, no wait we need at least two more ponies. A twosome, threesome or foursome isn’t a real party. Could we just invite everypony?” Rainbow Dash groaned. “Oh Celestia, Pinkie stop it with that idea already. I’m not even close to being in the mood.” Pinkie’s head nuzzled into the back of Rainbow Dash’s. “Oh come on, you sure?” Rainbow Dash complained. “Pinkie, you’re trying to take advantage of me.” “Well duh silly, after I’m through with you, you’ll be nothing but satisfied.” Rainbow Dash sat up and looked right at her. “PINKIE!” Pinkie grinned. “Made you look. Now turn that frown upside down, I’m not gonna do anything to you when you’re all mopey. I want you all happy first. Then I’ll work my pink magic all over you.” Rainbow Dash could feel her throat dry up. “Please tell me that isn’t what you named your-“ “Yeppers, that’s what I named it.” “I… why do I come here to feel better whenever I’m sad?” “Because you secretly have a crush on Fluttershy or you’d go to her but since your hurt over her you come here instead and Rarity likely caused it because she is sick and tired of you two not doing anything about it and she’s probably going to help me come up with an idea to hitch you two together in marriage later tonight and-“ Rainbow Dash had to shove the pillow down Pinkie’s throat to get her to shut up. Instead she just got a bunch of muffled talking. Still better than the rambling but accurate nonsense Pinkie was dribbling. If those cupcakes weren’t going to work she could probably fly home, normally she didn’t fly under the influence but there was clearly no influence to be had right then. Rainbow Dash sat up, spread her wings and hopped into the air. “Listen, Pinkie, I’m going to go home and like, watch a movie or something stupid. Thanks for the help but uh… have a nice night I guess.” Rainbow Dash flew off while Pinkie continued talking with her mouth full at the open air as if she had an entire scheme already in the works that might take years to finish. At least Rainbow dash didn’t have to hear it all. *** Rarity walked into the Sugarcube Corner and had a chance encounter with Twilight who already had a package and was about to leave. Rarity gasped. “Twilight!” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Rarity.” “What are you doing here?” “Buying a peanut butter muffin for myself and Trixie… oh and Spike. You?” “Um, I’m doing the same thing.” Twilight shrugged. “Okay, they smell a little weird but I was promised it’s the new formula Pinkie came up with and they should taste better than ever. See you later.” Twilight left out the door behind her and Rarity let out a sigh of relief. Okay, it was time to do what she was here for. Looking around she noticed quite a few ponies had peanut butter muffins. A lot of them were laughing talking to each other and had slightly glazed looks in their eyes. Pinkie’s new formula must really taste great, Rarity made a mental note to try it out herself later. She greeted Mr. and Misses Cake who were minding the counter as she went up the stairs. They knew exactly where she was going but not aware of her fantastic plans. Not yet. Once up the three flights of stairs she was at Pinkie’s door. She opened the door and burst in only to remember the last time she’d done this she had found Pinkie trapped in a very compromising position and need of some help… and a lot of lube. Thank Celestia that Pinkie was actually just sitting on the bed and staring at her cupcakes with the strangest look in her eyes and mumbling to herself. “What went wrong?” Rarity closed the door behind her. “Is something the matter darling?” Pinkie shrugged. “I guess not, just can’t figure out why these aren’t special. Oh!” her eyes lit up and she jumped off the bed, the treats bouncing into the air above her. She was quick to catch each cupcake in her mouth and swallow them whole, wrapper and all. Rarity could only imagine that either Pinkie had the digestive acid of a basilisk or she was going to have a very uncomfortable time when those wrappers came back out. Pinkie grinned from ear to ear as she stared at Rarity. “Is it finally time for plan Flutterdash?” Rarity grinned madly in return. “Why yes, it is time to finally ship those two and get them both to stop being so awkward and hurting each other’s feelings by mistake once and for all.” Pinkie bounced up and down. “I can’t wait! Oh I have so many ideas. From a surprise date, to breaking Rainbow Dash’s wing and forcing her to live with Fluttershy to simply locking them in a room until their done bucking each other’s brains out.” Rarity heard each plan, considered them for a moment but had to decline all of them. Even the last one only meant a shallow and awkward experience. No, this had to be the granddaddy stallion of all plans. The kind even Big Mac wouldn’t be big enough for and if anypony were to ask he was pretty big. In fact, perhaps Big Mac could help in some way. *** The sky was cast in its pink and purple hues as the loving light of the sun was closing for the night and the cold stare of the moon could be glimpsed upon the horizon. Twilight was satisfied that she had finally gotten home and even more so when she found Spike and Trixie playing solitaire together on the kitchen table. She set her basket of muffins down and listened in to the two talking. “Trixie does not understand how two player solitaire works. If you keep disagreeing with Trixie’s ideas we will never finish this game.” Spike grunted a reply. “Listen, I’ve played this game with one of the most intelligent and stuffy ponies in Equestria all of my life. I’m telling you if we put the two of hearts there we will never finish.” Trixie laughed. “Did you just refer to Twilight as stuffy? Trixie never would have suspected such a thing.” “Well she’s not much better to play with you know, only in her case I know she’s right and just want to feel like I’m actually participating.” There was silence for a moment before Trixie replied. “And pray tell where would you put the two of hearts?” Spike moved the card to a location, from where Twilight was she could see his move. It was decent but she could see a better one. She was tempted to interrupt but then she remembered being called stuffy. Let him discover his mistake fifteen turns from now himself. Trixie smirked. Lifted the card up and moved it around a little. “Trixie thinks she knows a better place to put it.” She then set it down exactly where Spike had. “There, perfect, just like Trixie.” Spike gave her a stare that said he was not amused. Trixie laughed again. “Trixie is only playing, she thanks you for your contribution. Now onto the next argument.” Spike stared at her for a moment a mixture of emotions on his face. Even Twilight wasn’t sure what he was thinking but if his earlier suggestion was anything to go off of, Trixie was teasing him in a playful way. Her way of connecting to ponies seemed to be to tease, anything else had been a hard fought victory. Spike sniffed the air a few times. “Hold up, do you smell muffins, muffins and… Pinkie’s room when I’m not allowed to bother her?” Trixie gave him a strange stare. “What on Equestria does that smell like?” Twilight walked in. “Probably like this.” She levitated the basket over to the counter and set them down. “Pinkie’s trying a new formula.” Spike stared at the basket for a moment, sniffed the air a few times, and then began laughing. “Oh my gosh. Did your really? I know what these are and always wanted to try them.” “What are they?” Twilight asked. “Oh just something special Pinkie uses to calm down.” Twilight beamed. “Great! Calming down is just what everypony needs after so much excitement today.” She levitated out three muffins and sat one down in front of each pony. “I was going to get more but they were so popular the store had run out.” Trixie sniffed at hers. “Why does this smell strange?” Twilight explained, “Don’t worry I’ve been told they are the best muffins ever produced by Pinkie’s very capable hooves. I’ve also tested them for poison.” Trixie stared up at her. “You did?” “Of course, I’ve tested all of your food so far for poison. Anything from pesticides on the flowers you eat to alcohol in your drink to more nefarious concoctions." Trixie blinked. “Isn’t that a bit… excessive?” Spike rolled his eyes and took a bite of the muffin. “Does, Twilight, look like a pony who does things in moderation?” Trixie chuckled to herself and lifted the muffin to her lips. “No, she seems like a very obsessive pony. Trixie wonders how Celestia dealt with her all these years. Pawning her off on Ponyville was probably the biggest break she’d ever had.” Twilight watched Trixie take a bit of the muffin and stared down at hers. It was true she was a bit excessive sometimes but Celestia wouldn’t just… dump her here. No she had only let Twilight stay because she had asked to… right? She really loved Celestia, heck she had even gotten Celestia to promise to marry her once… somehow. Only when Twilight was old enough and fully ready for, but still. Twilight took a bite of that muffin and noticed that besides peanut butter there was a really sweet and tingly taste. What in Equestria did Pinkie add to this? It was good. Good and… really calming. The small wound in her heart caused by Trixie’s accidentally mean words was quickly melted away and replaced by a warm sensation. Trixie had finished her muffin as well as Spike and was the first one to speak. “Trixie is sorry. She didn’t mean to say something that caused you pain.” Twilight looked up at her and saw genuine concern in her eyes and a warm smile that told her she spoke only the truth. “It’s alright. You were joking. It’s okay.” Trixie shook her head. “I’m kind of rude sometimes. I think it’s because it’s easier to do that than to let anypony close to me… but I want to learn about friendship, to get close to ponies…” Twilight smiled and felt her entire body melting with warmth. “That’s why you’re here, for me to help you learn. With you and me I’m sure we’ll do great.” Spike stared up at Trixie. “Did you just speak in the first person?” Now everypony was staring at Trixie, even Trixie was trying to stare at Trixie. *** “Voila!” Rarity declared as she finished adding a mark to the end of the planning white board with her marker. “The plan is complete.” The series of marker lines, words, and sticky notes swam around like a confused mess but all ended in one point. Rainbow Dash finally getting with Fluttershy in a way that would lock them together. It was a perfect plan and nothing could go wrong. Pinkie Pie looked happy about it too. “Plans, parties, puns, call me Pinkie Pie!” Rarity smiled at her. “It was wonderful work too, even with those cupcakes you made. Though I must admit they had more of a vanilla flavor to them than peanut butter.” Pinkie Pie stared at her. Eyes starting to widen and her grin twitching. “Vanilla… as in… the vanilla and peanut cupcakes I was making for the cupcake sale today…” “Well yes, but wait, weren’t those peanut butter muffins downstairs the sale for today? The ones that had a strange but alluring smell to them?” Pinkie Pie swallowed and that grin faltered for half a second. “Oh… the Cakes are not going to find this one as silly as everypony else in town.” Realization dawned on rarity faster than Rainbow dash flying into a window. “So you mean to say those muffins downstairs are your special formula? Pinkie’s Silly Sauce, made from Celestia knows what and magical ingredients that are probably not as healthy as they are calming.” She jerked a nod, her eye twitched. “Oh… I see… well at least the Cakes didn’t seem to notice… but…” Rarity rubbed her hooves together. “Neither did Twilight Sparkle, whom is feeding one of those cupcakes to Trixie as we speak.” She cackled. “If we were to spy on her, in this now more clear and enlightening state, she might just reveal her deep dark secrets!” Pinkie Pie shook her head so fast that a few pink curls went flying out, once she stopped her grin was back to normal. “Okie Dokie Lokie, I’ll just never tell the Cakes and everything will be just fine.” Rarity stood up. “Pinkie, we have bigger plans.” “Oh? What are we going to do tonight, Rarity?” “What we do every night, Pinkie. Try to take over the world! And I require your most fashionable sleuthing suit, immediately.” Pinkie jumped up. “I haven’t gotten to use those since King Sombra!” While Pinkie Pie literally jumped into her closet Rarity got to her work on her new plan. Those secrets were coming to her, and she was going to find out what Trixie was really doing here. She was sure of it.