//------------------------------// // Smolders flight // Story: A dragons fears // by redsopine //------------------------------// Keep flying. It doesn’t matter where, just keep flying! I tell myself, blinking past tears as I fly through a stray cloud hovering just above the Everfree Forest. “You can’t even admit it!? Tch! You know… I was happy for you two! I thought that you were good for each other,” I remember saying regardless of the shock upon her face at the time. “Shut up!” I snarl to myself, trying in vain to shut out the echoes of what had just happened. Unfortunately, my mind has other plans and continues to replay that stupid moment when I yelled my own fears at Silverstream and blaming her. “But, no! You’re not! You want to know what kind of friend you are!? You’re the friend that’s willing to let Gallus go out to war and—” I give my head a good shake and rebuke, Just stop it, Smolder! Stop thinking about it! Stop thinking about it!I repeat, hoping it would work. It didn’t. As cloudy as my vision is from the tears I desperately try to hold back, Silverstream’s face is practically burned into my gaze. The disbelief… The fear… Silverstream didn’t know, did she? I recognize now, only after having thoroughly screamed at her. Gallus didn’t tell her! He didn’t tell any of them! He hid it all again! That’s the last straw for me, and I decide to let the world know it by pausing in the air and letting out as loud a roar as I could, breathing a massive blast at fire toward the sky as I did so. While the plume safely dissipates into the air, I pant heavily and shake my head clear once more. I’m not sure what it is, but something stirs in my mind and compels me to keep flying. Maybe it was instinct. Maybe it was fear. Maybe I’m just crazy. Heh. Yeah. That’s probably it, I grumble to myself, following that compulsion’s heed. By the Scepter! What kind of a friend, am I!? I knew what was wrong, and they didn’t! And I still yelled at them! At her… “Aughhh, I really did make everything worse!” I whimper, still unable to stop my eyes from crying. Well, this certainly explains why she and Ocellus were so mad at me for punching him… I tell myself, trying to find a bright side. I don't find a bright side. What I do find is a memory. I think back to after we left Headmare Starlight’s office and how once we were out of earshot, they both rounded on me, demanding answers. “Why did you punch him, Smolder!?” Silverstream had practically screamed that day. “It’s bad enough you’re still avoiding him; what possible reason do you have for hitting him!?” “And why were you there to begin with!?” Ocellus had inquired afterward. “Your room is at the far end of the hallway! How did you even hear us!?” I remember how scared I was. How… How I could barely even move, knowing full-well what I had heard Gallus say. Knowing what he had considered doing… I guess it was only fitting that I couldn’t answer. W-Why would I answer!? Why would I ever acknowledge what I saw as real!? It— It couldn’t have been real! It couldn’t have! Gallus is Gallus. He’s my friend. He… Gallus wouldn’t think like that…! He couldn’t! It was just a nightmare! That’s what that night was! It had to have been! Ocellus didn’t actually kiss Gallus! Ocellus didn’t actually fall in love with Gallus! They’re just friends! Gallus and Silverstream didn’t actually nearly break-up! Gallus and Silverstream didn’t actually get angry at each other! They love each other! I didn’t actually hurt Gallus! I could never hurt Gallus! I could never hurt any of my friends! That whole night was just… It was just a bad dream! It was just a nightmare. But it wasn’t, was it? Because if it was…? Then why am I still having it? “Hey! Equestria to Smolder!” Silverstream had said, snapping her talon in front of my snout and snapping me out of my then-musings. “Are you listening it us?” “I-I, uh, I’m…” I remember not having any words. For them. For anyone… I couldn’t— I couldn’t even bring myself to tell Headmare Starlight the truth! And, of course, before I could so much as try to think of an explanation, I noticed the cut. “Ocellus!? Y-You’re bleeding! How did that happen!?” Ocellus had tried her hardest to hide the flinch—she really did! But I still caught it. “Please don’t try to change the subject! I accidentally cut my cheek on a loose nail earlier; it has nothing to do with what happened!” “Speaking of which,”Silver had spoken up next. “Well? Do you have an explanation, Smolder?” I couldn’t tell them. I couldn’t! Not back then! Not now! And not ever! I just…couldn’t. “Fine!”I remember practically snarling.“If you really want to know, I was coming over to apologize for avoiding Gallus! But when I got there, you three were a little bit busy yelling at each other!” I’m ashamed to admit it, but I felt just a sliver of satisfaction upon seeing them wince. I felt even more satisfaction when I marched right past them and back to my dormitory, locking myself within its confines and collapsing against the door and ignoring whatever they tried saying through the door and so they couldn’t see my tears as one thought runs through my head. Why just why did I have to be right Drying my eyes I start to mutter to myself as I move towards the horde of books in my room. I mean… Why would I care what they were saying anyway!? I know what I’m doing! I’m trying to help Gallus! They just— They just made things worse! I say picking up a book and thinking to myself. My fear is not overshadowing my love! I am not paranoid! I am not afraid! I am a dragon! I am a dragon…! I am a… A… “LEAVE! ME! ALONE!”echoes from my memories along with the image of Silverstream’s horrified face. I scared my friend. “By the Scepter, I’m a horrible friend!”, I say out loud wiping away another batch of tears. The next thing I knew was a world of pain as I crashed snout-first into a tree trunk, letting out a sharp yelp. Thrown off-balance, I recklessly flare my wings, only catching them on other branches, and the end result was that I utterly fail to save myself from falling. Note to self: Closing your eyes while flying is not a good idea. With a loud thud, I hit the ground and grunt in pain. Once I finish blinking away the flashing dots in my vision, I take a minute to sit and catch my breath, focusing on the effort to do so in order to avoid thinking about anything else. After some time, I huff out a cloud of smoke and impatiently try to get up. It, uh, wasn't my best idea because I immediately lower myself back against the ground, muttering, "Nope, nope, nope! Eenope!" I can still feel and move my wings, but there's no way I'm flying anytime soon. Probably sprained them again. Yeah. Because I didn't have enough problems already. Not wanting to think about my current pain any longer than I have to, I instead turn my gaze upward and stare at the beautiful sky above. So many stars. So many comets. So many planets! I wonder how old they are. Thousands of years? Millions? Trillions!? How many of them existed before Princess Luna began watching over them? How many of them will exist after she stops? How many of them used to exist before, but now…don’t? How many stars faded away before I could see them? How many stars will I see fade away? How many friends will I see— “No, no, no! NO!” I scream, frantically standing back up and flinging myself at the tree that I had smashed into. “Stop thinking about it!” I yell, kicking the accursed plant as hard as I could. “Stop thinking about it!” I yell again, kicking it again but leaving not a single mark. “Stop! Thinking! About it!” I yell one final time, intending to kick it one more time before giving up halfway through. Before I even realize it, I slump against the tree, taking sharp, pained breaths as I desperately try to hold back the crying. I am a dragon! I don’t cry! I don’t feel fear! I don’t feel alone! I don’t… I… I am a dragon… Almost instinctively, I raise a claw to my snout and wipe away a thin stream of blood. “Wonderful,” I grumble. I then turn to the dress I still have wrapped around me. Beautiful. Elegant. Adorable. Such is the work of Yona. And now it’s torn along the edges, and right down the wings slits. Any other time, I’d be beside myself with fury, but now…? All I can do is stare at it forlornly. I can’t even bring myself to feel angry. It’s all too much. The hurt on Silver’s face. The confusion on everycreature else’s. His stupid costume. It’s all just too much for me, and I fall back onto the ground, shutting my eyes and letting out a quiet sob. Eventually, that strange compulsion from earlier makes a return, far stronger than before. Far too strong for me to even try ignoring it. On its whim, I open my eyes and sit up. I then slowly turn to the side and gape at the sight before me. The Treehouse. Is it just me or… Is it shining brighter than it usually does? Almost…invitingly. I don’t know; maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks on me. And yet…? Something very, very loud roars from deep within the forest behind me, snapping me out of whatever daze I had just been in. Needless to say, I hurriedly rise back up and turn my terrified gaze out into the direction the roar came from. ... ... ... Nothing. No glowering eyes. No quiet snarls. Not even a twig snapping. Of course, while that might be a small comfort, I am far from relieved and slowly turn back to the Treehouse. Just the mere sight of it is enough to help calm my breathing, and upon laying eyes on it, that weird urge from before immediately returns. I spare the Everfree one last glance before swiftly making my way toward the Treehouse. I'm not sure how, but... I know I'll be safe there. From both the monsters lurking in this forest, and maybe—just maybe—from the paranoid thoughts of my own mind.