*Starlight’s POV, first-person*
I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t move or even speak, but my mouth was agape. Nurse Redheart just said that my best friend only had a few days left to live.
From how Twilight’s mouth was also agape, she was in a similar state as me. Though she managed to utter, “H-He does?”
“Yes,” Nurse Redheart answered with a nod. “I’m so sorry. We did all we could.”
My numbness weakened and a burst of energy shot through me. This couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t! “No. P-Please tell me it’s not true. T-This is some joke, right?”
Nurse Redheart solemnly shook her head. “No. We would never joke about our patients’ health, let alone joke about them dying.”
“W-Well, aren’t there any spells that can save him? Equestria has so many, so surely one of them can.” I jumped off my chair and laid my hooves on Nurse Redheart’s shoulders. “I-If you need a strong unicorn to c-cast them, I can be that unicorn. J-Just tell me what to do!”
“We looked up all known medical spells, and none can stop whatever it is that's happening in his body.” She turned her head toward Twilight. “If we knew and only needed a strong magic caster, I would have already asked you for assistance, Princess Twilight. You seem to be good friends with him.”
Nurse Redheart couldn’t be right...right? My river of tears overflowing from my eyes knew the truth, but my heart rejected it. “T-Then I’ll just write a new spell for it! Just lend me all the books on medical spells you have and…*sniff*...I’ll do something. Please...I-I can’t…*sob*...he’s my best…”
I let Nurse Redheart go. My body convulsed and I let out weeps. Twilight stood up and wrapped her forelegs around me, and I returned the gesture. I had never held on to anyone so tightly before. My sea of tears dampened her mane, the latter felt somewhat softer than normal. Whenever I had felt this upset before, Sam was usually the one that hugged me, but when I thought of that fact, my grip on Twilight tightened further. My weeping evolved into wailing.
“I’ll give you some time alone to work out your feelings. If you would like to see Sam later, you may do so once he is as stable as we can get him.”
“Thank you, Nurse Redheart,” Twilight said. At least she was able to hold herself together.
Nurse Redheart stepped out of the room, but Twilight and I remained in our embrace. My wailing calmed into weeping, but I still wasn’t ready to let that alicorn go.
“It will be okay, Starlight,” Twilight told me in one of the softest, gentlest voices ever. “We are going to get through this.”
“I...*sniff*...d-don’t know if I can. It was bad enough when I thought I lost a friend forever when Sunburst left for Princess Celestia’s school, but now...*sniff*...it’s really going to happen.”
“I understand, and I don’t want to lose Sam either. He’s become a close friend to me too. It’s not going to be the same without him.”
I grinned as an idea popped into my head like popcorn, allowing me to let Twilight go; she released me right afterward. Why didn’t I think of it sooner?! It was so obvious! “Wait, what if we take him through the portal? Maybe the doctors there can save him!”
Twilight seemed to think about it, going by the rubbing of her cheek she did with her hoof. She shook her head a moment later. “It’s too dangerous. From the condition Nurse Redheart said Sam’s in, I highly doubt his body is capable of surviving the trip and might even make his death be a painful one. You remember how it’s like to travel between the worlds, right?”
My grin left, but surely Twilight and I could cast a spell to protect Sam. She's an alicorn, and while I'm just a unicorn, I'm capable of casting complex spells. I was sure the two of us could manage something! “W-Well, how about we cast a protection spell on him?”
“That would be even worse. Magic works differently in that world, so any spells on him would change the moment we reach the other side. Even Sunset barely understands how it works over there, so we can’t try to take a countermeasure to ensure he'd survive it.” Twilight looked toward the sheet of paper on the wall saying, “every patient counts” and let out a soft sigh. “If I had a decade or two of training with medical spells and understood human anatomy better, or at least had more time, then maybe, maybe, I might be able to invent a spell capable of saving his life.” Twilight turned her head to me, her eyes watery. “I’m so sorry, but there’s nothing I can do.”
That flurry of false hope fluttered out, making me go back to crying. Twilight held me again in another hug, mixing in some consoling backrubs, but she was silent. She felt to be a pillar of strength with the friendliness and safeness she was emitting. Maybe our hug lasted ten, fifteen minutes, or perhaps a half-hour before we let each other go again.
“I should go find our friends and tell them what’s going on. Will you be okay on your own, or do you want to come with me?”
“I’ll stay. I want to at least stay as close to Sam as I can.”
Twilight looked toward the open door, then back at me. Couldn’t tell why she seemed to be hesitating. “Okay, if you’re sure you’ll be fine without me. I’ll be back as soon as I can, so just stay strong.”
Twilight hurried out of the room and out of the hospital. I sat there, alone, vision blurred from my tears. I so wanted to just run to where Sam was and be by his side, even if I was too weak to be of use.
Maybe two hours passed, or half a day to me, before Nurse Redheart peeked her head inside.
“Starlight Glimmer? If you want to see Sam in the ICU, you can. Do you want to?”
“Yes.”
“Come with me.”
I got off from the chair, stretched my legs -- they felt stiff from sitting for so long -- and followed Nurse Redheart down the hallways. After a little walking, she led me to a one-window room.
This wasn’t the same room Sam was in before, but it was around the same size, a small room. However, he did look how he did on his first day in the hospital two weeks ago: his shirt was off, he was lying on his bed -- on his back -- with his eyes closed, and a bunch of white circular sticky things covered his chest and stomach again, which were attached to an ECG machine.
If I didn’t already know Sam was in worse shape this time, the IV that was in his arm would have done it. I'm no expert in the matter, but the faster beating from the ECG might have been another sign that this was worse.
“Like before, if you want to hold one of his hands, you may, but just be careful.”
“Okay,” I said. Couldn’t even take my eyes off Sam, and it was almost instinctive when I told the nurse “Okay.”
Nurse Redheart trotted out of the room, and I crept to Sam and laid a hoof on his hand. Don’t know how I didn’t notice how my tears had stopped flowing, but they started leaking out again.
“Hi, Sam. I’m here,” I whispered. Hoped to get a response, but he stayed motionless and quiet. Like I have felt a lot in the past, I felt like a useless little filly. I couldn’t save Sam, so I might have well been.
It wasn’t the first time I thought it, but I couldn't believe this. I would never listen to music, play Dragon Pit, fly kites, or do so many things with my best friend again. I would have treasured the last time we did, if I had any clue that it was the last time.
A surge of anger surged through me, all aimed at myself, making me grit my teeth. I knew something was weird about those dizzy fits he had, and how they were coming more and more often! If only I made him go to the doctor months, no, a year ago! If I were a better friend, this wouldn’t have happened! Now, it was too late.
I lost track of how long I stayed by his bed caressing his hand with my hoof. Two hours? Three? But what I did know was that I had no plans to leave anytime soon. If something went wrong and he died sooner than they said, I wanted to at least be by him in his last moments.
My eyelids grew heavy, but rest had to wait.
“Starlight?”
The weight of my eyelids lessened, and I slowly turned toward the voice.
It belonged to Twilight. Spike was beside her, fiddling his claws.
“Hey,” I greeted in a quieter voice than I meant to speak in.
“How is he?” Twilight asked.
I turned toward him and sighed. “Quiet. He’s been like this since I’ve been in here.” I looked toward Twilight and Spike again. “Are the others here?”
“Yes.” Twilight stepped into the room, and Spike followed her. “They are in the waiting room right now. They are going to come in one by one, but Spike and I wanted to see Sam together.”
I went to the side of the room, and the two approached Sam’s bed. Spike walked around it, so he and Twilight flanked the bed.
Spike gave Sam a fist-pump on one of his hands, and Twilight rubbed the other hand with a hoof. Twilight’s eyes moistened, her ears wilting ever so slightly.
“Friendship...is...magic.”
Did I really hear right? Sam actually said “Friendship is magic!” Twilight’s lips quivered, and tears flowed from her eyes, yet some of her tears I think were happy ones. Did Sam's subconscious know Twilight was there and meant to say that phrase to make her happy, or was it just luck?
I entertained the idea of leaving to let Twilight and Spike be alone with Sam, but my hooves wouldn’t budge. I was being selfish, but I just couldn’t go. Fear that Sam might die while I was gone made me stay.
After Twilight and Spike left, a frowning Rarity crept in. She walked to a side of Sam’s bed and smiled, or maybe a forced one. “I didn’t know your chest was this hairy, Sam. I would have offered to tidy it up a tad,” Rarity said in a joking voice, but sadness still found a way to seep through it. Her eyes tearing up further showed it.
She remained by him for a few minutes. After a wipe of her eyes, she walked to me, said, "It will be alright, darling. I promise." and left the room.
Not even a minute later, Fluttershy and Angel came in. Like Rarity, Fluttershy walked to Sam and held his hand. She gave a little whimper, but compared to me, she still had it together.
Fluttershy looked at me with big eyes that I was sure were full of worry, not just for Sam, but for me. I tried, but a whimper forced itself out of my mouth, tempting Fluttershy to come to and give me a gentle hug. I hugged her back, almost as tightly as I did Twilight. She always emitted a gentle, safe air, almost like a mother, but the warmness from her that soothed me felt extra-strong. That mare isn’t the Element of Kindness for nothing. After she let me go, Fluttershy and Angel left, but the latter patted me on my foreleg.
Was that really the same bunny that had sometimes been...not so nice and (from a story Fluttershy told me) once threw Fluttershy out of her own cottage?
Next to enter the room was Applejack. She strode to Sam’s bed and patted his hand, but didn’t hold or rub it like Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy, and I did.
“Howdy, partner. Ya been trying to grow coats like we ponies have?” Applejack asked, similar to how Rarity joked about his chest. Her eyes weren’t watery, but I had heard how Applejack apparently cries “on the inside”. If she was wailing inside, I’ll never know for sure. What I did know was that she gave a little bow to Sam, then set her hat on a table near his bed.
“Sam, ah don’t know if ya can hear me, but this hat belonged to my late parents and they always give me strength. My friends are my parents’ friends, so hopefully, they will do the same for you too.” Applejack walked to me, gave a friendly pat on my back, and left. What she said about her hat...no wonder I’d never seen her without it.
Pinkie peeking in the room broke me out of thoughts on the true depth of Applejack leaving her hat behind. She was smiling, and her teeth were gritted a little too much for it to be a real one.
“Hi, Sam. You’re...looking hairy,” she said as she crept toward Sam’s bed. She remained there, still, her lips quivering. Those quivers intensified as a stream of tears suddenly poured down Pinkie’s cheeks. She stood on her hind legs and leaned toward Sam with her forelegs out, making my heart skip a beat.
Luckily, Pinkie stopped close to him, like she was hugging the air surrounding him, before finally breaking down and wailed.
I ran to her and wrapped her in a hug, her fluffy mane brushing against my ear and side of my face. At that moment, my sadness weaned enough to comfort Pinkie. She calmed down after a minute or two, stayed near Sam’s bed while holding his hand, then left. I was expecting her to try to make another joke before leaving, but no jokes came from her mouth.
Finally, Rainbow came in and walked to Sam’s bed. She gave him a hoof/fist-pump, not pat, rub, or hold his hand like the other mares did.
“Wow, Sam, I thought humans’ bodies weren’t that hairy. You’ve been holding out on us,” she joked and wiped her eyes. Rainbow and Applejack have a lot in common, but the crying on the inside must not be one of them. After her joke, Rainbow stayed still, like she was standing guard. Somehow, this felt different from when the others did a similar thing. Perhaps I grew particularly aware that she’s the Element of Loyalty. Even when a nurse came in to check on Sam's condition, Rainbow, since she wasn't in the way, stayed where she was.
When Rainbow’s vigil was over, she walked over to me and set a hoof on my back. “You holding up alright, Starlight? I know you’re the closest to him.”
I tried to force myself to nod and say I was fine. But, my head shook back and forth instead, taking the side of my heart.
“I understand, but we’ll get through it. You made it past everything else, so I know you’ll find a way. The rest of us will help.”
That did make me feel a little better. I even cracked a smile, a real one. “I’ll try my best. Thanks, Rainbow.”
We shared a quick, comforting hug. To think how Rainbow, understandably, used to hate me and refused to give me a second chance back when I still had the magic suppression ring on my horn. After we finished, Rainbow took off.
Rainbow wasn't the last visitor. Some time later, Lyra stopped by. Sam and Lyra didn’t hang out much, but they were more than good enough friends for her to want to visit. Even Discord came for a bit. I had never seen him so serious. No jokes, no snapping of his claws, he was all business. He is very different than how I used to think he was.
Later still, Sunset came to visit. Sam was unconscious, so he didn’t see her...which made me wonder. Did, on some level, Sunset sense this would happen, and it implored her to come to Equestria two weeks ago? If she hadn’t, Sam might have never gotten the chance to see how she looks as a pony, her real form.
For that matter, did Twilight and the gang have a similar feeling, and that was the real reason she told Sam the truth about why he was in Equestria?
When Sam and I were alone again, I returned to his bedside. I stayed mostly quiet.
Suddenly, he started mumbling something. His eyes were open, and yet he didn’t seem to be too aware of what was going on. At least, it felt like he didn’t, anyhow.
I leaned closer to him. The mumbling was lyrics from a song on one of his CDs. That gave me an idea. I had to look past my paranoia and leave.
“I’ll be right back, BF.”
I ran out of the room and asked Nurse Redheart if she was okay with me bringing a couple of things to Sam’s room. She said it was okay, so I hurried home and brought them.
I had no clue why I didn’t already think to bring Sam's CD player, so he could listen to his favorite songs before...the end.
And I was sure he’d want his dad with him, so I had his dad’s chair on the side of the bed opposite me. He didn’t like anyone touching it, not even me, but this was a time I was sure he would make an exception.
I stayed by the CD player and tried to sway my head to the music like I always do, but I only mustered weak sways.
“S...Starlight?”
He said my name. I turned off the CD player, ran to his bedside, and answered, “Yes? It’s me.”
“I...know I’m in really bad shape. Thanks for bringing my father’s chair, but if I...don’t make it, can you make me a promise?”
“Yes! I’ll promise anything! What is it?!”
“Be...the best pony you can be...be happy. Okay, BF?”
That’s Sam alright. He was on his deathbed, yet he was still thinking about me.
I laid my hoof on his hand and said, “I promise, BF."
“Thanks. And remember...no matter what happens...I’ll always be with you...and you are a stronger mare than you know.” He reached his hand out, slowly, and gave me a weak “boop”. As I always did, I giggled from it. I treasured that tingling feeling that flowed from my muzzle and bounced in my chest. It might be the very last “boop" he would ever give me. As well as remember how we were listening to music.
In fact, it made me remember something. I reached for Sam’s nose and lightly pressed my hoof against it, and he chuckled from it.
He had that coming for two years.
The next few days went the same. My friends and I went to see Sam each day, including Sunset, and I spent most of my time there. Trixie even visited him on a couple of days. I was at the hospital nearly the whole time. Sunburst and my parents came; both to see Sam and to be there for me.
Applejack, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Spike, and Rarity acted like they usually did, but I could feel the sadness in them. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were hiding it for my sake.
On the other hoof, Pinkie and Twilight were definitely different.
Pinkie stopped hopping whenever she went from place to place and just walked. The goofiness and randomness that was classic Pinkie were mostly gone too. Never before had a pony not felt normal by acting...normal.
As for Twilight, it was barely noticeable, but she walked around slower than usual. Spike said she hadn’t thought to write a single checklist, which she usually did every day. She even took a break from her princess duties, though it wasn’t her idea: two days ago, Princess Celestia suggested for her to hold off on princess duties when she came to Ponyville. If it became necessary, Princess Celestia would have covered for her for the time being -- it was part of the reason she came.
On the third day that Sam was in the hospital, I was again going back and had just arrived in its waiting room. He had fallen into a coma, and we all knew it was...soon. I couldn’t just cry and do nothing, so when I wasn’t at the hospital, I went through a bunch of books in magic and medical treatments, trying to find some way to save Sam, but came up empty. I was up most of last night so I was fighting weariness, but it kept making me yawn.
Today, Twilight beat me to the punch: she was walking into the waiting room from the direction of Sam’s room. She had bags under her eyes and her mane was ragged.
I ran to her and asked, “Twilight? What happened?”
She yawned and answered wearily, “Sorry. I was up half of last night reading any books that might be able to help Sam. Cure spells, talked to Sunset about stabilization spells that might allow him to pass through the portal safely, even tried to re-open the portal to his world, but I had no luck.” Tears welled in her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Starlight, but I did everything in my power. I promise I did.”
I pulled her into a hug. I was already close to shedding tears, so I couldn’t let her do it too. Twilight Sparkle was already a supermare for doing this much.
“I know you did, Twilight, and thank you so much.”
“You’re…*sniff*...welcome. If you need me for anything, come find me, okay?”
“Okay.”
Twilight moped to a chair in the waiting room. It was now that I really noticed that the others were there too. Applejack had a foreleg around a sniffing Pinkie. It still felt weird seeing her without a hat on*. Rainbow was hunched over and had her hooves on her cheeks. Fluttershy’s eyes were watery, but she was silent, and Discord had an arm wrapped around and held her to him. Discord...actually looked sad going by his frown. Rarity and Sunset each had a foreleg curled around Spike; maybe Twilight wanted to see Sam alone this time. Even Trixie was standing around and patted Twilight on her back.
All of them seemed content to just stay where they were, so I went toward Sam’s room. I really should have asked if one of them wanted to see him first.
In Sam’s room, I walked right to his bed and held his hand. His condition didn’t look any worse, but he still somehow felt weaker than before. His dad’s chair was still on the other side of the bed, in the exact spot I set it. The roses in a vase by the open window...were they standing straighter than usual, almost like they were trying to stand strong?
He wouldn’t want me to cry, so I dug deep and resisted the tears. The beeps of the ECG machine...were they slowing down? Or was it just my ears playing tricks on me? I was more tired than I thought.
But something I wasn't confused about was that Sam and I were alone. All alone. The room felt warm, almost like it was radiating his warmness. It even seemed to cradle me.
I heard ponies can hear you talk to them when they are comatose, so maybe humans can too?
“Sam, if you can hear me, thank you for being my best friend. I couldn’t have asked for a better one. I love you.”
He muttered something. It was faint, but was it “I love you too”? I had no idea those in comas could speak.
My grip on his hand tightened, but I stayed motionless. The beeping of that machine very, very gradually slowed.
Then...the beeping became a long beep that didn’t stop.
I finally broke down and wept, but kept my hooves clenched around his hand. I was fighting the weeping back with all I had, but I lost the fight, badly.
The best friend I have ever had was dead.
Despite the time to prepare myself for this moment, the twisting pain in my heart all but broke me. It felt like part of my soul died along with Sam.
I had done a lot. I learned how to steal Cutie Marks. I took on the Queen of the changelings. I faced my painful past, and conquered issues I had once thought I would have never healed from. They have been the hardest things I have ever done.
But keeping the promise to Sam that I would be happy may be the hardest yet.