Church slowly opened his eyes, feeling pain seep into his brain, and glanced around with half open eyes, but saw nothing but blobs. Eventually he saw the outline of a bucket being tipped above him and he suddenly found himself in a worse state then he already was. Bitter, confused, and now soaked to the bone. But the sudden splash of cold snapped some of his sense back.
"He's coming to!" A voice he placed as Twilight said happily.
Church slammed his eyes shut, trying to remember how he ended up in this position. He opened his eyes open a crack, trying to focus on the blobs before him and he instantly saw a rainbow colored mane standing next to what he presumed to be a jackass.
"What was in the bucket?" Twilight asked curiously.
"Well, I don't want to give you the details." Tucker coughed. "But Dash hasn't exactly been providing for me, if you catch my meaning. So I kind of just grabbed this bucket and-"
Church's eyes snapped open and he let out a loud sob, much to Tucker's amusement.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Church yelped, springing out of his bed. "That is disgusting!"
"There he is!" Tucker said, bursting out with laughter. "Hey sleeping beauty."
"Tucker, I swear if this really is-"
"Relax, it's just water." Tucker chuckled as Church shuddered with relief.
Church grunted as pain began flaring in his forehead, he stumbled back to the bed and tried to jump on it so he could slam his head into something soft, but only manged to get the front half of his body onto the bed before collapsing.
"Geez, he really is in rough shape." Tucker sighed, poking Church in the side. "Been eating thirty meals a day there, lard ass?"
"What happened?" Church asked, rubbing his face to get some feeling, besides pain, back into his head.
"We'll leave that for when you get up. I'm just happy to see you weren't seriously injured." Twilight smiled, then flashed a stern look.
"Seriously injured?" Church repeated sarcastically as he hoisted himself up onto his new favorite place and put his face into his pillow. "I'm far beyond that point by now..." Church rolled onto his back and stared up at his horn. "And I swear this thing makes putting your head down excruciatingly irritating..."
"It probably doesn't help that you're all wet either." Tucker said with a toothy grin.
"Come on Tucker, let's let Church sleep." Rainbow Dash said, before looking one more time at Church. She turned to Twilight and raised her brow. "Is he going to be okay?"
"Probably, he's been through worse." Twilight said quietly.
"A lot worse." Church muttered, then he stared at the door in a panic. "Where's Delta and O'Malley?"
"They're downstairs." Rainbow Dash chuckled as she trotted out the door. "Come on Tucker."
"But-"
"Now's not the time." Rainbow Dash said.
Tucker sighed and hesitantly walked up to the door.
"Pussy whipped." Church coughed into his hoof.
"Fuck you dude, you're the king of the pussy whipped." Tucker mumbled.
"Whatever you say." Church said sweetly, then turned his head to look at twilight. "Do you have a towel or something I could use to dry myself off?"
"Sure." Twilight smiled, trotting out of the room.
Church sighed and let the back of his head sink into the pillow, now bitter, confused, soaked to the bone, and tired. He looked out the window and covered his eye from the blazing sun, muttering a few choice words to the one behind it. He heard the sound of shuffling behind the door and began to feel a headache coming on.
"Just come in." Church preemptively grunted.
"Hey Church." Spike said quietly as he peeked through the door.
"Hey." Church said, giving him a small glare. "So I'm guessing you're the one who shot me?"
"Yeah." Spike chuckled stiffly, scratching his belly. "Sorry about that."
"I know you are. Why were you shooting fireballs in the library though?"
"I might be able to answer that one." Tex said from the other side of the door.
"You hired Spike to kill me, didn't you? I knew it all along."
"You're not too far off." Tex said, throwing a piece of paper at Church.
Church unfolded the paper and saw there was a drawing of his face, glaring ahead.
"Do you like it?" Tex asked.
"What's it for?" Church asked in return, ignoring her question.
"Target practice." Tex smiled. "Funny how he hit where he was aiming, just on the wrong target."
"And what do you mean by that?" Church inquired icily, eyes narrowing on her.
"We taped that picture against the door. I was helping him practice some self-defense." Tex shrugged nonchalantly.
"What if someone else opened the door?" Church snapped seriously. He grunted with the pain of his headache and fell back into his pillow. "Why the fuck are you training him?"
"Well no one else is doing it, so I figured someone should. He needs to know how to survive out there."
"And what, become a fucking mercenary?" Church hissed, when the door opened further.
"Sorry for the delay on my part." Twilight said sheepishly as she walked in with a towel on her back, then saw Tex and smiled stiffly at her.
"Yeah, Twilight wasn't impressed either." Spike muttered.
"And for good reason." Twilight crinkled her muzzle. "Perhaps you forgot, but our home is in a tree. Tree's are flammable."
"I know." Spike said, trying hard not to look at Twilight.
"I'm not angry at you." Twilight said, smirking at the impish dragon. "I just try to think ahead of time, okay?"
"Speaking of a head..." Church muttered, mane still soaking the pillow. The sound of hooves clambering up the stairs echoed through his room. "Tucker, I said a head. Not head. A head."
"Aw, dammit." Tucker muttered from the other side of the door, before going back down the stairs.
"Right, sorry." Twilight said, levitating the towel over to Church, who snagged it out of the air and promptly set out to dry his head. "Anyways, what made you decide to bring both of them at once? I asked Delta, but he was more interested in books. Of course, he asked me to help him locate some books and I had to-"
"Yeah." Church coughed before Twilight went further into her tangent. "Well, it was mostly out of convenience. Theta can't watch both O'Malley and Sigma, and Zecora can't help watch them as much as she wants to."
"I see." Twilight said, thinking deeply. "I hope Applejack doesn't mind."
"I hope the town doesn't mind. We're drawing too much attention. Tex came out of the forest without a mark and beat the shit out of three pegasus guys and managed to get away with it. Then Gary came from wherever the fuck he said he came from and became the mayor's assistant. Really surprised our cover wasn't blown there." Church shook his head dumbfoundedly. "But how are we going to explain four more guys with no cutie marks?"
"I'm... not sure." Twilight said honestly. "We just have to keep our heads up and hope for the best."
"Yeah. Hope." Church mumbled under his breath.
"Quit being negative." Tex said, hitting Church on the back of his head, making the pain instantly go up several notches. "She's smart, right?" Tex turned to Twilight and she nodded, then turned back to Church. "See? Quit being a baby. I'm sure Twilight can think of something."
"But there isn't enough time to think." Church groaned as he rubbed his neck. "And even if there was we'd need several reasons, because I doubt they'd believe the same excuse more than once."
"What did I just say?" Tex asked, raising her hoof at him.
"I swear to god if you-" Church began, then felt pain shoot through his entire body when Tex hit him. "God dammit, ow!"