Dear Twilight,
I am in a state of shock right now. The most unlikely individual showed up for guard duty for the first time in over thirty years, Flash Sentry. I thought you had imprisoned him in a painting and burned it. Well since you are infinitely powerful I suppose you'd be able to bring him back. Sunburst showed up for his first crystalling duties after the same time period so did you and Starlight get together, decide to restore them and let them come back up here? If that is the case, that is very thoughtful of you two.
It is weird though, Flash Sentry said something about you having a lighter colored coat and a different mane style but I figured that being restored may have caused him to not exactly remember what you looked like at first. He is talking about you and how he still has a crush on you. I told him that you are a lesbian and that you and Cadence buck all the time and he was saddened but when I told him to get over it, he said that you are the one pony he would always be crushing on.
The strangest thing is going on with Sunburst though. When he first showed up for his job, he was bitching about being a mare for a while and how Starlight had forced his mother into sexual servitude for restoring him into being a stallion. What is worse is that he is acting like a total ditz. He is inserting the word "like" into all his sentences and is saying totally so much it is about to drive me up the wall.
Anyway, I guess the rumors about the two of you being horrible and uncaring bitches are a lie. There is no way that two uncaring ponies would have restored them. I know you and Starlight aren't into the sisterly bonding anymore and I know about the fight but I am glad to see that you two did tolerate one another enough to do this. Anyway, I have to go check on the guard. Talk to you later, love you sis.
Your Honorary BBBFF,
Shining Armor
Dear Shining Armor,
What the fuck, how the hell did that happen? I never restored that piece of shit nor would I ever do so. It had to be Starlight, she probably did that to spite me and I am shocked that she would restore Sunburst. Hell I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she didn't do it so she could have Stellar Flare as her ho. Back when she had to go back to Sire's Hollow to make amends with her father, she banged Stellar then and she probably decided she wanted her for good. Hell I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she didn't cast an age regression spell on her and then cast a longevity spell on her so she could buck her for thousands of years.
I will say this, I am fucking pissed. How dare she undo what I thought was right. At the time when we got rid of those two we had so much fun and were so happy. I should have known that she'd pull something like this. I should have known she'd bring back that bastard that was crushing on me just to spite me and then bring back Sunburst just so she'd have his mother as a fuck toy. She can claim to be becoming the moral sister all she wants but I know that is nothing more than a fucking lie.
Well I am going to confront her over this shit. It is a good thing that our personal guards still communicate because if they didn't, I would have to lower myself into actually having a face to face meeting with her. Well it looks like I have a sister to bitch out.
Your Honorary LSBFF,
Twilight
Dear Twilight,
I am so happy that you decided to restore me! I had always thought that you hated me with a passion but apparently not. I was shocked to see you when you restored me though. Your coat seemed to be a bit lighter and more pale in color and your mane looked different but you were still as beautiful as ever. I know you are a lesbian but would you give me a chance? I promise that I'll be the best coltfriend you could ever want, I'll even wait on you hoof and tail. I would write more but I have guard duty very soon.
Hoping You'll Be My Marefriend,
Flash Sentry
To a Worthless Guard,
How the fuck is it that you are alive again? I imprisoned you in a painting.....wait a minute, it had to be my bitch sister. I know she probably brought you back to spite me, especially so that you'd bug me about being your fucking marefriend. Now you listen to me and listen to me good, I will NEVER be your marefriend. I am a lesbian and I have four hotties in my harem. Why don't you go ask my bitch sister to be your marefriend even though she is a lesbian too? She would deserve having you harass her for what she has done to me. Now if you will excuse me, me and my harem have a lot of fun planned!
Ready to Bang My Harem,
Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle
To My Bitch Sister,
Ok Starlight, you truly are fucked up and I mean fucked up on a massive level. Not only do you bring back Sunburst just so you can turn his mother into your sexy toy but you bring back Flash Sentry solely so he would harass me? I know you are a spiteful bitch but I didn't think you'd do this to me. If only the ponies of this fucking country knew all the shit you have done, they'd hate you and love me instead, AS THEY SHOULD!
Trust me you hypocritical bitch, I will get back at you in one way or another and you will not like it. Here you are claiming to be wanting to turn over a new leaf and not forcing anypony into your bed but you do just that....and the way you did it and your reasoning is beyond horrible. You STILL don't give a shit about Sunburst and from what Shining Armor was telling me, he was bitching about being a mare for a while!
Let me guess, you brought him back, cast a sex change spell on him and then made a deal with Stellar to turn him back into a stallion. I'll bet you anything you offered to turn him back into a stallion in exchange for her sexual servitude. I know how fucked up you are and this is proof of it. At least I have never done anything like that to a friend of mine and then struck a deal with their mother to force her into my bed. So you see, I'm not nearly as bad as you.
Your Much More Moral Sister,
Goddess-Queen Twilight (The Moral Sister) Sparkle
To My Bitchy Little Sister,
Suck it up bitch! Want to know something funny? When I brought Flash Sentry back not only did I cast a longevity spell on him so he can harass you for at least three millennia but I also cast a spell on him that I'm the only one that could ever cast any crazy spells to wipe him out. Deal with it Twily, Flash is here to stay and regarding Sunburst, I did what I did because his mama is good in the sack....well that and so far she is being a good maid for me and the girls.
Hell I might even talk to Shining Armor about transferring Flash down here to be one of my guards and then he can harass you non-stop! Wouldn't that be sweet, having the stallion crushing on you constantly begging for you to be his marefriend? Oh and before you go making similar plans for Sunburst, he already said he doesn't want to be in the same city where I'm banging his mama! You may have mom's favor but I'm the smarter sister! You would never have even thought about doing what I did!
Smarter than You,
Goddess-Queen Starlight "The Superior Sister" Glimmer