//------------------------------// // Buffalo Business (S3 E10) // Story: Unpleasant Correspondence 2 (My Little Pony: Reign of the Goddess-Queens) // by StormLuna //------------------------------// Dear Twibitch, Well one of my less intelligent acquaintances decided to be an idiot and take one of her favorite trees down to her relatives in Applepiss, Applepoop, or something like that. Good grief she is a dumb bitch. For starters she wanted all of us to go, including me. Now I agreed to go as long as Trixie could come so it was all set but some things made me wonder if she isn't a full blown retard. Get this, Apple Bitch wound up getting a private sleeper car for that fucking tree. Why the hell couldn't she have just put the damn thing on a freight train and let me and Trixie have the private sleeper car? That would have saved her a ton of money but oh well, if her shit for brains family goes bankrupt, it's not any skin off my ass. Well once we got there, we ran into this idiot relative that had to have ADHD, lead poisoning or something else that caused him to try and hype up his town like he wanted to have sex with it or some dumb shit like that. Well as it turns out, them and the buffalo get along as long as they give them apple pies. Well the herd was in town getting some pies and we struck up a conversation with them and that is when something not so good happened. Well their leader, Chief Thunderturd or something like that bashed Trixie and called her an arrogant bitch simply because of the way she speaks. Well Trixie called him Chief Stinky Hooves and well, let's just say the buffalo decided to stampede, they flattened that dump and took over the apple orchard. From what I understand those idiot relatives of Apple Bitch's wound up moving to some other dilapidated dump, Dick Junction, Ditz City or some dumb shit like that. Oh well, that place didn't have any electricity so it is no big loss. Of course Apple Bitch is all pissy and shit. She is claiming that she doesn't want Trixie going on any more trips where all of us have to go. Who the fuck does that little retard think she is? I'm the leader of the group, I'm your protege so I am the one who decides things like that, not her dimwitted ass. Well in the end we got back home and that is all that matters. Don't be surprised if Apple Bitch doesn't write to you whining and crying over this. I would write more but Trixie and I have some fun scheduled here very soon! Ready to Have Fun, Luster Dear Luster, You know, your recent experience reminds me of something I had to do with my acquaintances a long time ago. I had my own Apple Bitch who got her tree a sleeper car too and they had issues with the buffalo as well. Back then though, the ponies in that dump and the buffalo hated one another but eventually got along after the ponies there decided to give them apple pie and clear a path through the orchard so they could stampede. I can't believe I'm saying this about what I would normally consider an inferior species but I'm happy that they took their land back, I'm happy they drove those hicks off of buffalo lands. Ugh it pains me to say this but be sure and tell Trixie I say "Thanks" for pissing off the buffalo and causing them to flatten Apple Bitch's relatives' hometown. Regarding where they relocated to, I've had my own experiences there too and yes it does involve the bitch's older sister. Maybe I can expand buffalo lands and ruin their lives too! Anyway, congrats on going on a trip with those lowly acquaintances of yours. This is proof that you are actually growing as a pony and I can actually say I'm proud of you....well sort of anyway. I would write more but my half-sister is begging me for sex. Ready to Bang Flurry, Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle Dear Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle, Ah'm incredibly pissed right now. You know that bitch wife of Luster's? Well we all went on a trip to Appaloosa to take them a new tree for their orchard and Luster just had to bring her. Well Ah thought everything would go just fine but then Trixie insulted Chief Thunderhooves and the buffalo flattened the town and drove my relatives out to Dodge Junction. Even worse, they have had to lower themselves down to harvesting fucking cherries, fucking cherries! Now Ah think you need to punish that bitch protege of yours and her narcissistic wife! You need to just take them home and then let me and mah friends take over the school. From what Ah understand, world leaders are mad at her for running the school completely different than Bright Beam did. Now Ah am demanding you punish Luster and Trixie both for destroying Appaloosa and letting the buffalo keep the orchard. Angry, Apple Bloom Dear Apple Bitch, You listen to me and you listen to me good. I am not thrilled with you having the audacity to demand that I do anything. For starters, I don't give a shit that the buffalo took back the land that was rightfully theirs to start with. That however is just a secondary thing compared to what else is going on here. You know something, I might have actually cared had you not demanded that I do anything. Remember this you little whore, I'm STILL pissed that you had the audacity to slander me and my mother in your rag school newspaper nor am I happy that you poisoned your teacher and your older brother. Oh and don't forget when you and your troublemaker friends took advantage of me just to show up Diamond Bitch and Silver Slut. You have three strikes against you already so I will NEVER help you, ever. Had you not pulled that shit, I might have punished the buffalo but instead, I am going to send ponies out to help them build a new community AND I plan on running electrical lines out there and giving them free electricity solely to spite you and your shit family. Oh and could you please stop writing to me like an inbred hick would? You can talk like a moron but if you're going to write to me, write to me like a NORMAL pony would, alright? Not Helping You, Goddess-Queen Twilight Sparkle