//------------------------------// // Part One: A New Start // Story: Absence Of Life // by AnnEldest //------------------------------// Beyond My Grave: The series Part One Shredder looked carefully at me. I could see the doubt on his face. Not that I could blame him or anything. “Are you sure about this princess?” He asked. I really wasn’t but I knew that I needed to at least try. “Yes,” I said. “Just tell me how to do it.” He signed heavily as he stood up from his chair and headed over to his bookshelf. “Very well then.” He grabbed one of the books and laid it on his desk right in front of me. I gazed at the book which had a picture of a moon with spirits flying around it. Shredder opened the book and began flipping through the pages. I saw that the book was in another language. From what I could see it appeared to be in pony Latin. He stopped flipping and pointed at the page. “Quot capita tot sensus,” Shredder read to me. “It means-” “‘As many heads.’ It also means ‘in so many perceptions’,” I finished for him. “Oh I see,” he laughed to himself. “Do you know what this will do?” “I am hoping it will help me,” I said. He nodded. “If done right, yes it shall.” “Okay, what do I need to do?” I asked as I read over the page. “Well according to this, the best way to connect your mind to the Nethers is to let the spirits guide you there.” I looked confused at him. “I don’t understand. Am I already connected to it?” “A part of it at least,” He answered. “Think of it as the layers of the earth. They are many layers before we get to the crust. Well, same here with the Nethers. There are different ‘layers.’ What you see is one layer of it. But what you are wanting to do is to go even further into it.” I nodded as I listened to him explain it to me. “As you know when Discord is asleep, he can go far into the Nethers. Though you can’t necessarily enter into the Nethers, you will be able to see more of it. And with this book, you will learn how to not only see them but also be able to use them as a power source,” he said. “Power source?” I asked. “You mean as a source to help me and Discord with our weird “spirit” magic?” “Correct. Discord told you about the pact with Soul Dreamers and Psychics?” He asked. “Soul Dreamers help protect the psychics as they both work together to protect everyone else and have a connection with each other involving mind-reading and weird spirit powers....then yes he has,” I said. He sat back down in his chair. “I must say, I am surprised that he agreed to this,” he admitted. I shrugged at him. “Why?” “I just never saw him as the type to care when things got too rough.” “With most things, yes but this is different. And it’s not that he doesn’t care it’s…,” I thought to myself for a moment. ”It’s complicated. Discord is not the easiest of creatures to understand,” I told Shredder. “But with this, he’ll always be there for me.” “I sure hope so,” He said doubtfully. I looked down at the floor. I was hoping too. I never doubted Discord anymore but to say I didn’t fear that he would leave me alone would be a lie. Not that I thought poorly of him. It was more me than him. “Ready to begin?” He asked. I took a deep breath as my mind was yelling at me to back out from doing it. I knew I could hurt myself if I did it wrong but I needed to learn more about my new powers. If Discord and I were going to help ponies with the living and the dead, I needed to know how to control it and see how far I could go with it. I couldn’t keep depending on Discord anymore. Especially, with the risk that he might not be there to help me. “Yes, I am.” “I will help you this time but after this, you will have to learn how to do this on your own.” He grabbed the book. “Understood.” He lifted the book and began to read the tome silently. When he was done, he carefully closed the book and set it aside. He walked up to me and went down on his knees. He then put a claw to my cheek. “Now close your eyes and remember these words. They shall be of great use to you in the future. But whatever you do, don’t let anything in the Nethers tell you where to go. You can’t trust anything in that place,” He warned. “Okay. I will be careful,” I assured him. “Good. Now close your eyes and I will begin.” “When do I open my eyes?” I asked. “You’ll know when.” I closed my eyes and he began to whisper: “Per oculos omnium Ruit Omnis qui viderit. Per oculos omnium Ruit Omnis qui viderit.” He repeated the phrase over and over; getting quieter each time. It got to the point where I couldn’t hear him speaking at all. I could still feel his claw on my cheek. The world around me suddenly felt heavier as it weighed down on me. It took more effort to sit up straight and I felt sick as if I was going to throw up. Then I hear something...a voice. No… many voices. A variety of them. Now, this wasn't anything new to me but somehow this felt different. This must be it. I slowly opened my eyes. Shredder was still by me and I was still in his office at his bar. To any normal pony, nothing seemed changed. However, for me, that was not the case. I stood up and stepped back away from my chair as I stared at the world around me. There were so many creatures surrounding us now. Most of whom were just roaming around. There was no indication that any of them noticed me or Shredder. The world was darker and it felt much more faded. It was hard to see from a far distance. It was like I was back at the graveyard the night I first met Dusty except it was much more peaceful here. “You can see them, can’t you?” Shredder asked. I didn't answer him as I approached a young little filly who was by his bookshelf. She was simply singing to herself as she danced to her own little tune. I carefully reached a hoof out to touch her shoulder but my hoof though only went right through her. She didn’t appear to notice that. “I can’t touch her.” I turned back to him. “Remember Princess Luna, you can only see into the Nethers,” He reminded me as he stood back up. “Right.” I looked back at her as she continued to dance and sing. “Is there a way that she can see me?” “Only if she chooses to or if you force her too.” “I can make them see me?” “It takes a lot of strength and power but yes. I said you couldn’t go there but I never said you couldn’t bring them to us,” he said. “What?” “Discord in the Nethers has all of the power and control there. But he's nothing in the real world. You, however, do. You may not go to them but you can bring them here to us. With that, you will be able to use their power to help yourself, them, and your friends in this world,” He explained. “That is where your power comes from. The problem comes from your lack of control. It appears there are moments where you and he can use it for a brief time but not enough to be able to use it whenever you please.” My eyes widened. There was no way I could be able to do all of that. “I told you, princess. You have such a strong connection and potential of power then I have ever seen in such a long time. You're special.” I looked around at the wandering spirits again. “They look so peaceful.” He chuckled. “It’s because they know it’s safe here. Most of Nethers are far more aggressive. I am sure Discord can inform you of that.” I laughed a little at that. “It's so strange. Knowing that they are always around us every day and no one knows.” “We do, though,” Shredder said. I lifted my hoof and concentrated as I tried to form a blue orb similar to the one I made back at the Crystal Empire when I first used it to protect Flurry Heart. My hoof slowly lit up blue but it was difficult keeping it lit as it kept fading out. “In due time, Luna. In due time,” Shredder said from behind. I sighed heavily. That was the problem. I had so much to learn that I didn’t know if I had time. “Teach me, Shedder,” I ordered. He chuckled again. “One thing at a time. First, you have to learn to see them on your own then I can teach you.” “How long will that take?” I groaned. I could already feel the spell wearing off. The spirits began to fade away as I saw fewer and fewer by the second and the voices went away. “As long as it needs to,” He answered. “Of course,” I slightly snapped. “Don’t worry, Luna. You’ll get there. I know this hasn't been easy for you but once you let go of the things that frighten you and hold you back, you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.” I had to believe that I could. I had to learn this. It was the only way to protect me and my friends. Without my alicorn magic, this was all I now had. “I know.” He smiled at me. “Good.” He looked over at his clock on the wall. “I am afraid that is all the time we have tonight.” “Same time Saturday?” I grabbed my cloak that was hanging on his coat rack and was already heading for the back door. “Of course.” He handed me the book. “Remember to practice on your own time as well.” “Okay. I will,” I promised him as I took the book from him. “See you then, Shredder.” I then trotted out the door. “As always.” I trotted through the back door and went outside as I put on the cloak. I looked up at the night sky; the moon would have to be lower soon. I began to feel a sharp pain in my side. It was my wing that broke many months ago. Sometimes it would feel fine and I would have no troubles with it at all but other times like this it tended to hurt. Though the bandages and cast had been removed, it still occasionally hurt a lot. Usually, I could ignore but it was really bad that it was impossible to. My doctor said that the pain was normal and would go away. However, I felt like the pain had worsened in the last few weeks. Probably meant something bad but what did I know? Maybe it was just me thinking too much about it. I leaned against the building and groaned. I knew I should have brought the painkillers with me. Not that they helped much anyway. “You alright?” I turned my head to the right and saw a diamond dog walking up to me. It wasn’t common to see them in Canterlot. I wasn’t surprised though. Many creatures of all kinds came to Shredder’s bar so it wasn’t the first time seeing creatures that weren’t from or well-known Equestria. “Oh...I’m alright thank you.” I tried sounding polite. “Just recovering from a broken wing is all.” “Sorry to hear that. You just look like you’re in a lot of pain,” He said. “Is this the part when you offer me drugs?” I laughed sarcastically. He smiled and laughed as he got close to me. “Funny but no.” He looked at the bar as a few ponies trotted out the front door laughing among each other. “You friends with Shredder?” He then asked. I shrugged. “I guess you can say that. Why? You know him?” “Yeah, I do.” He nodded. “Haven’t spoken to him in a while, though.” “Huh, I see,” I said. “He’s alright. Just really old school with things,” He said. “Not always a bad thing,” I defended. “True. Well, I best be going. Hope your wing feels better.” He gave me a light tap on my shoulder. “Me too,” I laughed. He passed me and was about to head for the front door when he stopped suddenly. He turned and faced me again. “Will you be at the Midnight Fest?” He then asked. I gave him a weird glare. “You know where all beings and creatures surrounded by the Nethers and spirits go too.” “I know what you’re talking about,” I said sharply. “I have a friend that asked me to go but I said no.” “How come?” He asked. “It’s not meant for me…” I sighed heavily. “I didn’t ask for this.” A look of realization came to him. “Oh, I see.” “Good, then you know why.” “I know why but I think your friend has a reason for wanting you to go. I get that this isn't something we all ask to be in our lives but it doesn't mean it's a bad thing. You can learn a lot by being around people that are like you. That's what the festival is meant to do. It's meant to help you learn more about yourself around people that can understand. You seem to forget that we are all different from the outside world. That's what makes us better than them.” I listened carefully to what he was saying to me. I couldn't deny that he made a valid point. I couldn't be ashamed of what I was. I accepted this life but I didn't know how deep I was willing to go. Maybe that wasn't the point though. Maybe I was missing what was being said to me. “I’ll consider it,” I finally stated. “Okay good. Hope I see you there.” He turned to walk away when I called him. “Wait.” “Yes?” “What’s your name?” I asked. “Canight.” he simply said. “Well nice talking to you, Canight. I hope I see you again.” “I hope I see you again very soon…” I watched him as he walked away and entered the bar before trotting away myself. It was time to go back to the castle before Celestia woke up and found me gone. I didn’t need to start my morning with another fight. My only hope was that I could get some sleep even with the pain I was feeling. I trotted back into my bedroom. I was very sore and my side ached. I went into the bathroom and opened the drawer. I took two of my painkillers and groaned. No matter how I moved it, it felt impossibly numb. They say the pain dulls with time, and that things will get better. But how can things be better when the reason the pain isn’t as bad anymore, is because I’ve forgotten or gotten used to it? I just need some sleep is all. I stared at myself in the mirror when I heard something. A moan; somepony moaning in pain. I turned to the open bathroom door. I slowly trotted to it and peered around for the source. “Celestia? Is that you?” I knew better than to believe that. The air chilled to ice. Abruptly, a chill rose up my spine making me shiver. Something was here with me and I could feel it. I slowly trotted out of the bathroom, closing the door behind me. At first, the sound was no more than the soft susurration of leaves in a summer wind. Then it became more like a ponies stomping on crunchy brown paper; sounds of hushed whispering began to erupt. A breath so hoarse and so faint echoed around me. I moved around actively trying to locate it. I noticed a black silhouette in the corner of my bedroom. It stood there patiently as if it was waiting for something or someone. “Who’s there?” The figure slowly trotted into view. It was a late teen, young adult, male pony. He had a black coat with a teal mane. His cutie mark was a ball of blue fire surrounded by stars that seemed to be glimmering. The clothes he was wearing were old and all ripped up. He stopped about 4 feet away from me. None of us said anything. We only stared at each other. I wasn’t scared like I used to be but I felt very uneasy. I was shaking a little as I tried to say something to him. “Who are you?” I then asked. He took a step forward. “I know you can see me.” “So?” “I need you to find me. I need your help.” His voice sounded dry and out of breath as if he was dehydrated from not drinking water for days. I shook my head slowly at him. “I don’t know if I can.” “Please.” He took two more steps towards me. “I need your help.” I started backing away from him. “Stop! You shouldn’t be here.” “It’s cold and dark...they need to find me.” “I’m sorry…” He pulled something out of the front coat pocket and dropped it. He then turned to face the window and began trotting. I only could watch as he disappeared as his body made contact with the wall. I went to where he was standing to see what he had dropped. With my magic, I picked up what turned out to be an old pocket watch. I didn't know the purpose or his reasoning for doing so but it must have been important to him. I simply said it down on my nightstand next to my bed. I told myself I would have to look into it later. Then there was a sudden knock on the door. I lit up my horn and opened the door. I already knew who it was. “Morning sister,” I said calmly. “Morning, Luna.” She tried giving me a warming smile but I could see right through it. She was still very angry with me. “The moon has to be lower in a few minutes so I wanted to make sure-” “I was still here,” I finished with a sarcastic smile. ”You really want to go there now?” “I knew you were going to regardless,” I said. “I was hoping we could talk about it without fighting for once. I don’t want trouble,” Celestia said to me. “Is that why you’re having the guards watch my every move?!” I snapped. Celestia looked shocked at me with her eyes widened. “Yeah. Didn’t think I knew about that, right?” “And do you blame me?!” She scoffed. I stared at the floor, unable to answer that. “You just take off for a few days without letting anyone know and just expect me to be okay with it? Especially, since you don't even want to tell me what happened.” “I told you what happened,” I mumbled to myself. “Then why does it always seem like you're hiding something from me? I can't even trust my own sister.” I stared at her coldly. “You never trusted me. Even before any of this happened.” She gasped. “I did trust you. I took your word at first. When your wing got broken I trusted what you were telling me was truthful. I can't trust you now because I know that you're lying to me most of the time .” I was breathing more heavily now as I felt my stomach twisting and turning. “I am telling you the truth. It's not my fault you don't believe anything I tell you.” “Then why are you afraid to tell me what’s been going on with you?” I shook my head. "There are some things I don't think you need to know. There are things I know that you can never understand. It's pointless to even try to talk about it." A strong wave of sadness and anger crashed through Celestia as she did her best not to cry. “It’s not like you never lied to me before and kept things from me.” “Don't do that, Luna. Don't you dare put this on me!” She yelled. “I always trusted you. But how can I now?” “Why should I trust you, Celestia?!” I countered back at her. "All those years ago, I begged you to give me a chance. I cried to you, wanting you to believe me. Wanting you to just listen to me and you said no.” Tears began the form in my eyes. I tried my best not to cry but I could feel a lump in my throat as it started to burn. Celestia took a deep breath and stayed silenced. Her expressions soften. She nodded her head as the realization started to come to her. “Oh, Luna...I know I didn't treat you well before. I know I said things that must still stick with you. I guess there are reasons for you to be hesitant.” I kept my eyes to the floor. I couldn’t look at her anymore. “But sister, that was a long time ago. Times have changed. I've changed. Please just let me in. Don't shut me out. Let me help you. I know I wasn't there for you then. But I'm here now.” Her eyes were pleading with me. There was so much I wanted to say. So much I wanted to let out to her but I didn't know if I could. “You’re too late. You’re 1000 years too late.” She sighed in disappointment. “Is that really the road you wish to trot on?” “No,” I whispered. “It’s the road you put me on.” “What are you even talking about!?" snapped Celestia, rolling her eyes. "I'm not asking for a lot. All I'm asking for is the truth. I don't think that should be too hard for you.” “You have no idea,” I stammered. I began to sniffle as I hung my head toward the ground, I saw a few tears slip from my eyes. “Because you don't talk to me!!! I'm trying to help you.” "Ever consider that I just don't want your help?" I snapped. "I tried talking to you. I tried telling you how I felt. But if it didn't have anything to do with you, you didn't want to hear me. If it didn't make sense or every pony thought I was crazy, you sided with them." "Luna, what is going on with you?" She begged for an answer. I looked downward and only shuddered. "Luna tell me!" She demanded. "Answer me!!" "STOP!" This time I screamed in the Canterlot voice. "Stop telling me what to do! You don't need to know about every little thing in my life. You don't get to control what I do or what I say or how I do it. There are things in my life that I just don't want to tell you. Get over it. You're not my mother so stop treating me like a foal!!" "Then stop acting like one. You go on and on about how much you hate your life and how miserable you are. But you did this to yourself. You are the one that started to withdrawal from everyone, you were the one who started having problems with everyone, and you are the one that started distancing yourself from me. You have no right to feel sorry for yourself because you put this on yourself." My heart sank; I could not believe what I was hearing. “But you were the one who shut me out! You were the one who was not there for me!” I screamed, on the brink of hyperventilating. “I’m here now. I want to help you. Why can’t you just talk to me?” “Because you never listen to me! You say you want to help and understand but you don’t. You never understood me. You never wanted to.” “Luna, I’m trying to talk to you. But we are going all over the place and it’s getting us nowhere,” Celestia said flatly. “Then get out of my room.” My voice was shaky and out of breath from screaming. My eyes red now and my throat burning even more intensely. “It’s impossible to talk to you. I want to help you but you’re hopeless.” Celestia then turned to trot out the door. “You don’t think I know that?! You made that very clear to me,” I said as she trotted out the doorway. Celestia stopped and faced me. “How so?” “Ever since we were young, you were always embarrassed by me. Even now I see it in your eyes that I'm just this burden to you. Why would I want to talk to you?” I continued before she could interrupt me. I wasn't giving her the chance to talk. “There is so much I want to say but I know you will never accept me for it. I can't be what you want me to be. I just wish you would just tell me how much I disappoint you for who I am, then try to make me something I'm not. Trust me, it would hurt a lot less.” I then slammed the door on her before she could say any more to me. I knew she wouldn’t come back in to talk to me. She would most likely let it go and wait for another opportunity to bring it up later. Which would most likely lead us into another fight. I laid down on my bed and covered my face and screamed. There was so much I needed to let out. I just didn't know how to. I hated what my relationship with my sister had become. I wanted to fix it so badly but I couldn't fix it the way she wanted me to. But I didn't like being mad at her and I especially didn't like her being mad at me. she was right, though. I was pulling the victim card and feeling sorry for myself when really it was my fault. It was me that was hurting her. But as always, I had to make it about myself and my problems. I was too busy pondering on the fight that I almost forgot to lower the moon. I quickly lit up my horn and lowered the moon and helped my sister bring forth a new day. It was funny. The sun wasn't even up and my day was already off to a wonderful start. She’ll never understand. I guess that was what I was afraid of. Something needed to change. I couldn’t keep living like this. Something had to be done. I needed to do something but what? “Once you let go of the things that frighten you and hold you back, you'll be amazed at what you can accomplish.” His words echoed in my mind. I thought about everything that Discord and Spike and Shredder had told me in the past. And then thought about the small conversation I had with Capper the night I reunited with him. “A guardian is still cooler.” “Perhaps. But doesn’t mean that a psychic isn’t cool either.” I went back into the bathroom and turned the light on. I stared at my reflection. I needed to know who I saw in myself. It wasn't anyone I was too fond of but I knew I needed to change that. I was tired of feeling sorry for myself and being angry at everyone. It wasn't going to be easy but based on everything that had happened in the last few months, I needed not only to accept what my life had become but also embrace it. I looked at my long mane and tail that were still waving as if there was always a breeze wherever I went. I guess I always thought that was the best part of my hair. I thought back to when I was a young child when I was starting to learn magic and looked much different. I was weak but I was learning; embracing myself into a new life that I had agreed to go into. Just like when I found out I was a psychic, I didn't expect to become a princess. It was offered to me and I took it. And now just as I was when I first became a princess, I was weak but learning to become stronger as a psychic. A new life I agreed to go into; a new start. With my magic, I opened up one of the bathroom drawers and pulled out a pair of scissors.