//------------------------------// // The Five Rules for Optimal Living // Story: Sweetie and the Scientist // by TheDorkside99 //------------------------------// The entire class erupted into gasps. “Oh no, it’s the doctor!” cried a filly with pigtails. “I don’t wanna get a shot!” cried a colt sucking his hoof. “Does he check for teeth too?” asked another colt chewing gum. “Children.” The doctor raised his hooves in the air and brought the sea of panicked voices down to a silence. He adjusted his glasses and scanned the room, appearing to be taking mental notes on his new pupils. He trotted down the middle of the desks with a slow gait. Not a single student budged. He paused in front of the colt chewing gum, an act that was against the rules, and knelt down to his level. The children watched with peeled eyes waiting for the impending rebuke. “My boy,” he said. “I would like to check your heart with my stethoscope if you don’t mind.” The colt stammered. “B-But, I feel fine.” The doctor stood to address the class. “Children,” he said with an authoritative air. “The first rule of optimal living is this: ‘I feel fine’ is the worst evidence to include in a diagnosis. Pain is seldom the first indication of something wrong. But it is in fact proof of a problem already in progressed stages.” He took a moment to scan the class again. Blank stares blanketed by fear and confusion. “In other words, there could be something wrong with your body even though there is no pain. In fact, all problems start this way. Viruses can be introduced to the body through painless means like being breathed in from the air. Yet, when they begin to replicate with no barriers to halt the process, their increased levels of activity can cause the body to react negatively or with pain.” He turned back to the colt. “And so my boy, will you allow me to check your heart for any unseen problems?” The colt, with eyes large as saucers, nodded in approval of the request. The doctor knelt down once again and pressed his tool against the chest of the colt. Chairs scraped across the floor and supported curious students craning their necks to get a good look. After a minute or so, the doctor switched the chest piece over to his patient’s back. “Okay, now I want you to breathe in as deeply as you can.” The colt obeyed. With stuttered breath he filled his lungs with hushed air. The students sympathized with him by holding their own breaths. “Good, now breathe out.” The colt let out a hefty sigh of relief. “Doctor?” “Yes?” “A-Am I gonna be okay?” The doctor smiled and gave the anxious colt a gentle rub on the back. “You’re going to be just fine my boy. You have a strong, healthy heart. I take it you play sports, right?” “Yeah. Soccer.” The doctor addressed the class. “Rule number two of optimal living: Be active. It doesn’t matter what you pursue as long as your body moves. Movement keeps joints flexible and aids in the transport of vital fluids around the body. It vitalizes the mind and it strengthens the heart, keeping its workload at an ideal level.” The faces of the children contorted with confusion. The keen doctor began to circle the room, driving the mass of students back to their seats facing forward, hooves clasped over their desks. “I can see so many questions just floating in the air,” he said with astonishment. He went back to the teacher’s desk and reached down behind it. When he came back up, the students were surprised to see a butterfly net in his possession. He started waving the net as if trying to catch something that hovered just out of his reach. “And,” he paused a moment to catch his breath. “I just can’t seem to trap those little buggers!” He continued trying to trap the “questions” out of the air, running and swinging his net like a clumsy fool attacking a flying piñata. A few of the students giggled, but most of them just watched in dumbfounded wonder. The doctor swung his net and landed it on a filly’s head. “Got it!” he screamed. The entire class broke into muffled giggles as the doctor carefully removed the net off the filly who was relieved to have her head back. He reached in and pulled out an invisible object about the size of an apple. “This question reads: Where is Miss Cheerilee?” “Hey, I had that question,” said a colt. “Me, too!” cried Apple Bloom. “While I cannot distinguish to whom this belongs to, I do have the answer. Miss Cheerilee is sick and as her doctor I recommended she take a whole week off so she can rest at home in bed.” “But how did she get sick?” asked Snips. The doctor crouched and stared at Snips. “I see one of the questions has landed on your head my boy. Hold still so I can catch it.” He crept closer and closer to the colt, the tension spilling out of the lips of every child in the form of snickers. Snips too was chuckling. When the doctor was mere inches away, he sprang up and swung his net down on top of his head. “Aha! I got it!” The doctor reached in and pulled out the question and held it up for all to see. “Now then, the answer to Snips’s question is…” The students waited for the rest of the response but the doctor simply stood with a plotting look. Before the awkward silence became too awkward, Snips finally asked, “Aren’t you gonna answer the question?” “I could,” he said narrowing his eyes into a mischievous glare. “But I haven’t spotted it yet.” Several "Huh’s" and "What’s" sprouted around the room. “So it’s floating around in the air or something?” asked Sweetie Belle. “Can you catch it with your net?” Manystudents snickered at her question. The doctor, however, dignified the question with a curious smile. “You asked a very good question, milady. Unlike questions, answers reside in the possession of answerers. Therefore, only the answerer can answer by providing the answer.” Another round of "Huh’s" circled the room. “In other words,” he continued. “While questions need to be caught, answers only need to be spotted. They almost always are willing to be spotted. Like this.” He stood on the chair of an absent student and cupped his hooves over his mouth. “Why is Miss Cheerilee sick?” Three hooves shot into the air. “Aha! There they are. You with the green mane, tell me your answer.” “Well, I think Miss Cheerilee ate something that made her sick.” “Good! Very good! Now what say you, missy?” “Maybe she has a cold.” “That’s a plausible explanation indeed! And finally the filly with the orange eyes and red mane, what say you my dear?” Apple Bloom lowered her hoof and cleared her throat. “I think that maybe Miss Cheerilee caught some sort of virus like you were sayin’ earlier. Maybe she ate somethin’ or was out too late when it got cold and caught a virus.” “Excellent answers and good speculations my dear!” Sweetie gave her farm friend a high hoof, prompting the bullies in the back to make fake gagging noises. They returned the teases with pouting lips. “So what if Apple Bloom said some smart-sounding stuff,” began Diamond Tiara. “It doesn’t mean she’s right, right?” The doctor thought for a second. “Well, you are right about that. Anything is possible when it comes to seeking the right answer.” “But at least she’s trying to find the right answer, right doc?” asked Scootaloo, coming to her friend’s defense. “That’s true too,” he said. He took a seat on Miss Cheerilee’s chair and raised his legs behind his head. “But isn’t the point of answering a question to find the right answer?” added Diamond Tiara glaring at the earth pony. “You can’t just throw any answer out there. You’ll sound like a bird brain.” “Better to be a bird brain with an answer than a no-brain with no answer, Diamond Tiara!” snapped Scootaloo. The students gave their undivided attention to the two quarreling fillies. The doctor closed two oblivious eyes to the heated argument. “If I don’t have a brain then how can I be alive, Misses No Flight Zone?” “Well, if Apple Bloom is a bird brain then how can she talk, Misses No Magic Zone?” Sweetie Belle pulled her fired up friend close. “Uh Scootaloo, I can’t use my magic yet either.” “Like duh, everyone knows unicorns don’t develop their magical abilities until they grow up. I can’t say the same for Pegasuses though. Everyone knows they can fly almost as soon as they’re born. I mean, we all heard the tale of how Rainbow Dash got her cutie mark. Why can’t you fly yet Scootaloo? Huh? What makes you so lame that you can’t get one foot off the ground without turning upside down like a balloon with all the helium sucked out of it?” Scootaloo jumped off her seat. “Oh yeah? Well, like, everyone knows about how Twilight Sparkle used her magic as a filly to get her cutie mark. So what makes you so lametastically lamer than lamesauce that you can’t use yours, huh?” “Scootaloo!” chided Sweetie Belle. “Why don’t you ask your friend Sour Belle, you failbird!” “Girls, I think that’s enough,” said Apple Bloom. “We ain’t gonna get nowhere with all this fightin’. What would Miss Cheerilee say at a time like this?” “But she isn’t here,” rebutted Silver Spoon. “That don’t mean we can do whatever we feel like. Besides, this is still her classroom so we gotta follow her rules jus’ like if she were sittin’ right there at her desk.” The students looked up where she pointed and were shocked to find the doctor gone. “Where’d he go?” asked several students amidst the mumbles and side whispers. Sweetie Belle looked all around with the others. She finally spotted him at the back of the classroom leaning against the wall with a single hoof in one of his lab coat pockets. His eyes were closed and his face relaxed with a smile. “Um, doctor,” she spoke. “Aren’t you gonna teach us?” Her voice aroused the doctor from his thoughts and he began to make his way towards the front. “The question my dear is not whether I am going to teach, but rather if you have learned.” Her face crumpled with confusion as did the rest of the students’. “But I don’t think we learned anything.” “Au contraire, moi petite belle,” he said smiling. “I believe you’ve all learned a few valuable things today.” “Like what?” “Well,” Apple Bloom began. “I did learn that viruses are like things that enter your body that make ya sick.” “Yeah,” said Scootaloo. “And remember when he said something about being active and it being good for you or something?” “You mean good for your heart, Scootalose?” teased Diamond Tiara. The Pegasus stuck her tongue out at her arrogant grin. “I guess those are some things we learned today,” said Sweetie. “But we spent like the last twenty minutes doing nothing but watch you using your net and stuff.” “Actually my dear, I believe that you spent the last twenty minutes learning the most valuable lesson today.” The doctor with the net in hoof addressed the class formally. “Allow me to explain. I have been using this butterfly net here as an example of sorts. A physical metaphor if you will.” Blank stares formed from all sides, but that didn’t deter the doctor from his eloquent explanation. “Can you really catch questions flying in the air with a butterfly net?” “No way,” answered Sweetie Belle. “In fact, I don’t think questions even fly at all.” “You’re absolutely right. The fact that questions float around the room like a pack of butterflies is in itself an anomaly. However, it’s not the fact that I’m concerned with but the picture that it creates in your mind. Tell me class, what do you think of when I say ‘Questions flying around the room’?” “I picture like words just flying around an’ we try to catch them, but it’s hard,” said a colt. “Yeah, I think it’s because maybe they fly too fast,” said another. “Or maybe they’re so hard to see that you need some binoculars to find them,” said a filly. “I mean a microscope.” “Maybe the questions don’t wanna get caught so they fly away when someone gets really close,” said Apple Bloom. “Maybe questions would like it better if they were left alone,” added Scootaloo. “What kind of stupid reason is that,” said Diamond Tiara. “Only you would come up with that, Scootalose.” “Stuff it, Diamond!” “Maybe the questions are just afraid of being seen,” whispered Sweetie Belle. No one heard her carefully thought out answer among the light murmur of the classroom, but the doctor seemed to pick it up as if he were standing right next to her. “Say that again, my dear,” he said to her, loud enough so the classroom could hear. “W-Well, I just think maybe the questions are afraid to be seen. I know that when I wanna ask something, I’m afraid it’s going to be a stupid question that everypony knows the answer to so I don’t ask it so I don’t look stupid. Maybe the questions don’t wanna sound stupid like we don’t wanna look stupid.” All eyes shifted to the doctor. He planted a hoof on the desk and rested the net on his shoulder. “So why do answers almost appear without trouble?” “I think it’s because since they’re the opposite of questions, they like to be seen. It makes sense because whenever someone thinks they have the answer to something, they always raise their hooves high and hope Miss Cheerilee will call on them. Even if it’s wrong they still do it because they think it’s right.” “Does it matter if they’re right?” he pressed. “Yeah. I mean, you keep trying until you get it right, right?” “But why?” “Because if you say the wrong answer then you’re wrong. It’s bad to be wrong, isn’t it?” “So what must we do in order to be as little wrong as possible?” Sweetie had to think for a minute. “Ask a lotta questions and find good answers?” The doctor turned to address the class. “My students, rule number three for healthy living: Ask many questions and find good answers. As our clever scientist here pointed out, sometimes questions can seem daunting to be asked. However, if we do not take the risk to catch our evading questions, then nothing will be discovered. Answers, on the other hoof, must be chosen and believed with caution. Anyone can say they have the answer, but if it does not have solid evidence backing it up, it is as good as a broken ladder. Therefore as we continue our studies, remember to ask any question that comes to mind and consider the answers you get.” He paused a moment to let the words sink in. Some students understood what he meant, but others still looked lost in the dark. This prompted the doctor to take a piece of chalk and draw a large circle on the board. “Class,” he began. “What questions come to mind about this drawing I made.” “What questions,” posed Silver Spoon. “You drew a circle. Anyone with half a brain can see that.” “But is it a circle?” Blank stares, a common theme that day. “What is this a drawing of?” “I don’t know. A super circle?” “What must you do to find out?” Silver Spoon grunted and slumped in her seat. “This is making my brain hurt,” said Scootaloo. “Uh doctor,” said Apple Bloom. “I think we’re all a little confused by your lesson.” Almost every head nodded in approval of the statement. But one hoof shot into the air, slicing the air of confusion. “Yes, my dear scientist, what do you have to say?” Sweetie began. “I think I figured it out. When you told us to ask as many questions as possible, it was to find out as much as we can about something. When you said to be careful about what answers we find, it was so we can be right all the time and not wrong.” “Go on.” “That circle you drew on the board can be anything like a ball or even a pizza. If we ask questions about it, then we can find out for sure what it is. Then we can take all of the answers and figure out what it is. For example...” She stood and strutted to the chalk board. “Doctor, were you hungry when you drew this?” “What kind of question is that?” asked Silver Spoon. “How is that gonna help?” “She’s just trying to impress the class,” added Diamond Tiara. “But she’s failing horribly.” Apple Bloom and Scootaloo shushed the bullies. The doctor looked over at the clock, smiling. “Well, it is getting close to lunch time. Yes I was hungry.” “Did you know it was getting close to lunch time when you drew this circle?” “Why yes, yes I did.” “Well,” Sweetie turned to the class. “My answer to the question is that the doctor drew a pizza because he drew it knowing it was close to lunch, and he was hungry.” The class cheered and clapped for Sweetie, except the two bullies of course. The little questioner smiled, feeling like she had solved the mystery. When the commotion had died down, the doctor looked at the board and thought. “I’m afraid,” he said. “That you’re wrong, Sweetie.” “What?” She was flabbergasted. “Rule number four for optimal living class: Not everything is what it seems. Though evidence can prove anything, evidence can also prove everything including false conclusions. Though our scientist’s conclusion seemed reasonable, it was in fact a wrong conclusion. What I drew here was actually the wheel of a wagon I saw this morning while walking to school.” A pair of cackles came from the back of the class, making the ground around Sweetie Belle feel like it was caving in. She began the lonely walk back to her desk, head down and eyes quaking when the doctor’s hoof rested on her shoulder. She looked up. “However,” he announced, quieting the class. “The good thing about being wrong is that it eliminates one possibility out of hundreds, possibly even thousands. That is why it is important to remember rule number five for optimal living.” “What’s that?” asked Sweetie, wiping her eyes. The doctor smiled. “Never stop searching for truth.”