//------------------------------// // Tense Tourism // Story: Anamnesis // by Background Bystander //------------------------------// The welcome was indeed a warm one, the sun lighting the way as the Light’s led the way. Trotting in tow were their two terrified tourists, observing every twitch of a tail or flick of the ear. The town certainly lived up to the name of Ponyville, that’s for sure, as the entire townsfolk was some sort of equine. Bustling through the busy streets, all filing into the categories assumed, unicorns and pegasi all melted into one large, mythological mix. Floating odds and ends passed them by, as many ponies shot streaks stretching across the sky. Somehow, normal Earth horses managed to squeak out a purpose in this town, mostly seeing them pull carts and carrying heavier loads. At least that part stayed the same, a working breed doing the tasks that’d been assigned to it hundreds of years ago. The sight was enough to slightly comfort the two. Slightly. Even though they were amid civilization, they felt about as safe as they did back in the Everfree. Having all these eyeballs moving around, always on the prowl for a look. Maybe even a few looking at them. Hard not to think this cutesy, colorful exterior was harboring freakish, cosmic horrors far beyond their comprehension. All waiting for that split second, the moment they stepped out of line, and let their true identity be known. One. Little. Slip. Well, at least this place had landmarks if the need to flee ever arose, as the group had stopped at a large circular building constructed at the center of town, most likely the town hall. “Jeez, this place sure looked a lot smaller a couple hours ago.” Ambrose said, sitting on the steps, hearing a whimpered creak from the wood underneath his massive mass. Twilight giggled, “I know, I felt the same way when I first came here from Canterlot, it was just a speck from my room!” Louis stretched out his limbs, “Aww man, that’s an awful lot of walking ahead of us.” Let’s make this quick, give us an angle to leave, “Say, why don’t we speed this up a bit? I know! How about you two zap us around to all the important places, and we can all be on our way?” He requested, sweetening it with a toothy smile. The mares looked at each other and shook their heads. “Sorry guys, but we’re taking the scenic routes today.” This caused the humans to groan. “Oh please, by the time we’re through, you’ll be begging for the backstory of every inch of Ponyville! Which I’m more than happy to provide.” Twilight finished with a confident smirk. Perhaps where you kept the gallows? “Not every day you find a pony taking walking encyclopedia as a compliment.” Louis snarked, to which she rolled her eyes. “You sure there’s nothing we can do? By the time we get through every part of Ponyville, the whole day will have passed us by.” Ambrose asked. “Well, we would like you both to see the whole place so you don’t end up getting lost…” Starlight said as an idea popped into her head. “Buuuut, if time’s really an issue here, I think I have a pretty good workaround.” “That would be?” Ambrose and Louis asked. “We split up! That way, we can give you both a quicker tour of the town, as well as other items of interest.” She gave Twilight a wink. “Nice thinking, and after that we can all regroup at Sugarcube Corner for a break and a special treat on us.” Twilight finished. Ambrose pondered internally, best not to disagree, especially since we’re out in public. “I guess that works for me. What about you, Vanilla?” Louis sighed internally. “Sounds good to me. Let’s do it.” “Great, let’s get moving! Starlight, you’ll stay with Mellow. You’re coming with me, Vanilla.” Of course I am. “Oh uh-alrighty then.” He turned to Ambrose, constructing a mask of false confidence. “Well, I’ll be seeing you soon, Mellow. You two don’t have too much fun without us!” He finished attempting to shoot finger guns. Unfortunately they had jammed, painting his targets with only confused expressions. Nonetheless, Ambrose responded. “Don’t worry Vanilla, it shouldn’t be too long. They probably know this place like the back of their…hoof.” He said, nearly stumbling his words. He did his best to calm Louis down, seeing the jittery shakes slither all around his body, coiling around his joints in a tight grip. Ambrose stepped in closer, taking up his whole field of view. “It’s gonna be ok, I’ll be right back before you know it.” He said with a soothing tone and a smile. It seemed to work, as his shoulders began to soften, and the quiver in his lip finally quit. “Right…see you soon.” Louis mumbled, feeling calm. Relaxed. Ambrose gave him one final nod as he and Starlight walked away, Louis marking every step as they went. Surely Ambrose would be fine! What the hell was he worrying about? No way Starlight would try anything sinister on their own. Ambrose could snap her like a twig from the looks of it! Although, she did have a fighting chance with that horn of hers. But how powerful were her spells really? Around the strength of his? He could only hope now…if she even attempted to hurt Amby, he would do everything in his power to- “Hellooo, Equestria to Vanilla?” Twilight waved a hoof in his face. “Huh-what?” She extended a wing to the street ahead of them, “Right, time for Twilight’s one and only tour of Ponyville, princess-proofed for yours truly.” “Uh-huh, and I suggest you put your sarcasm in a secure spot. Lest it slips and spills onto those around you.” She quipped, materializing a scroll in her wing. “I have a select, tried and true list of all the places we need to visit, from necessities to entertainment. Now c’mon, this way.” She turned and begin a steady trot. "Jawohl, Mein Führer!" He giggled with a mock salute before following suite. Louis couldn’t decipher the vibrations this town gave him, other than a constant pulse of pure confusion. If there indeed was terror lurking under the streets, it was good at keeping itself hidden. The only real evil he could extract was medieval, though the idea of iron-clad knights keeping tabs from the shadows didn’t make him feel any safer. From the houses perched atop the hillside to the shacks occupying the streets, every detail of this world had hurled back in time. Frames of timber towering up thatched rooftops, while flowers fester and flourish from the balconies. But the way they were shaped was strange, cartoonish was the best way he could describe it. The wood was warped and twisted in ways that simply weren’t possible back on Earth. Most windows of the houses had been cut with asymmetrical proportions, as were the entire dwellings themselves—all taking on bubbly bouncy impressions, almost like they were breathing. The rest of the world wasn’t any better, as it too took on exaggerated appearances. Mountains were simplistic sloping shapes, something a child would sketch. Clouds were clumped together in vast spiraling swirls, a large puff of smoke sifting in the sky. And the ground a pattern of a Persian rug, perfectly tying it all together. It's best he was sober; this town was terrible for psychedelics. The whole world itself was one big trip. A quick glance at a flower, and you’d quickly be reduced to a frenzied panic, finding yourself tangled up on the top of the tents topped around town. Speaking of which-what’s with the tents anyway? These dollar store teepees fit for low budget renaissance fairs? Don’t unicorns live here? Surely they could conjure something better to call home…or at least with air conditioning. It would rid that constant smell of horse, now that they’d trotted directly into a bustling marketplace, “Hey Twilight, what’s the deal with the-oof!” Louis was cut off as he bumped headfirst into a pony in front of him. The stallion turned to give him a concerned look, “Whoops, sorry about that man, I really gotta stop spacing out so much.” He said sheepishly, blowing some hair from his face. I should really invest in a hair clip, maybe a scrunchie…actually, no—just a hair clip. The stallion shrugged. “Well, I don’t think that mane of yours is helping either.” He said before walking off. Louis was going to respond if he hadn’t slipped into the sea of ponies around him. Ponds of pastel peppered along the shops perched along the paths. “You say something?” Twilight popped into view, making him jump. “Oh-uh, I wanted to ask you about the choice of architecture here, I guess.” He said as they continued to shuffle through the masses. “What do you mean?” “Well-I mean, with all this magic and stuff, you’d think Ponyville wouldn’t be this...primitive. I think that’s the word.” “That’s not the word I would use.” Twilight scoffed, “One of Ponyville’s main exports is its produce, so it needs to keep all of its expansive farmland to grow the crops. Not to mention the town itself was founded by the Apple family, its always stayed true to its rural roots-“ “Wait a minute, hang on, so the family that grows the apples are called the Apples?” Louis asked. “Yup.” “Heh, nice one man, talk about answering your calling.” What’s next, pear farmers named after pears? Twilight continued cheerfully, “Plus, I’ve always enjoyed the relaxing atmosphere it brings out, everypony here is so friendly with each other. It always puts a smile on my face.” A few ponies waved at her, to which she mirrored. “Says the one living in a crystal castle…” Louis muttered. “Hmm?” “I said guess living here isn’t such a hassle.” He quickly covered up, “Looks pretty cozy too, seeing all these ponies warming up to each other. Lot better than where I was last living.” “Mm-hmm, especially when you’re trying to get very cozy with a certain somepony, Vanilla.” Twilight donned a sly smirk. “Uh yeah, sure…wait WHAT?” Louis exclaimed, nearly stumbling over grooves on the path. Doing so managed to attract a few stares. “Twilight, I-I think you got it all wrong, I don’t feel that way about you.” He said quietly, trying to cocoon himself. Twilight giggled. “Trust me, I know. I’m not exactly the most romantic mare, but even I can tell when somepony’s trying to pull a few moves.” She said with a flirty flick of her tail. Louis’s mind was on the fritz. ”Oh nonononononono, it’s not like that between us, definitely not! We’re just uh-friends, yeah! Really good friends, alright?” He could feel his face burning a fiery red. “Yeah, and you’re really friendly with her from what I’ve seen. A nice little couples trot through the woods? Of all those plenty of rooms, you told me you’d stay in the one with her…” His legs started to feel like jelly, he never said any of that!...Or did he? Jesus, he’s been stumbling with these mares from the very beginning! What else has he said without knowing? “…Then there was that thing you…attempted with the fruit at breakfast, and those looks in your eyes when you guys split earlier. All very friendly, indeed.” Louis attempted a craft a counter argument, but the instructions were all jumbled. Every step of the way showed what Twilight had seen out of him. He'd fucked up. Really fucked up. "Hey, hey it's ok. Sometimes we have difficulties trying to tell somepony else how we really feel about them, whether it be a complaint or a compliment. Very much the latter in your case." Twilight put an arm over his shoulder, "Mellow Yellow seems like a wonderful mare, I'm sure she has similar feelings about you too." You'd be surprised how right and wrong that assumption is, "You really think so?" He lied, playing along. "I'm sure of it." Twilight answered confidently, pulling away. Louis shifted a bit, eyeing all the ponies walking by them, "So, what do you think I should do?" He asked, applying a fake worried tone. Twilight looked around, noticing a large carousel looking building a couple streets over. "I have a few ideas. But for now, why don't we continue our tour? Ooo, up next is the theater! Many great performers come from all around and put on shows for us, they're really exciting!" She held her head up high as she continued along with her schedule. "Cool...they taking lessons? I could really use them..." Louis said to himself, slowly following along. Ambrose could tread easy when it came to Starlight; it was with her sparkly counterpart where his mind was mainly focused. She seemed to be the ringleader when it came to everything that had occurred up till now...well, considering she was a leader didn't make it any easier. He knew Louis would try his best to keep cool and calm, but Twilight might try to mess with him, twist him around and feed him lies as politicians were known to do. Honestly, a winged unicorn declaring herself the princess of friendship watching above a dusty country town from a shiny castle...if anyone wasn't going to be honest, it was her. Speaking of which... "So, what's the deal with you two exactly?" Ambrose asked. "Who’s deal?" Starlight said, looking over. "The deal with you and Twilight, I mean. Are you two like sisters or something?" Starlight jumped back, "Excuse me?" "Yeah, you guys got a tag-team leadership thing here." Ambrose fluffed his wings a bit, "Looks like she got the better half of the gene pool, getting wings and a horn." “Sorry, you got us mixed up. Twilight and I aren't sisters. She's the only one who's a princess." Oh, that clarifies it a bit... "The actual sisters are the ones who rule out of Canterlot." ...And now I'm lost again. "Huh, guess you two just really gel well together, could've sworn you were related." Ambrose said muzzle scrunched in disappointment. "Let me guess: coat, mane, voice, cutie mark?" She listed, pointing to her flank. That’s a strange name for these...things. "Why do I get the feeling I'm not the first?" Ambrose forced a chuckle. "You have no idea." Starlight replied, looking off the hillside as they trotted down the path. She'd taken them down a beaten trail, well worn from wheels of wagons and hammering of hooves. "What about you, Mellow? How are things between you and Vanilla?" Ambrose shrugged. "Things are going pretty well, I suppose." Starlight raised an eyebrow in polite curiosity. Course she'd want more, "I was in the same camp as him. Things weren't warming up back home, needed to make a change, perhaps a place that was...warmer?" That made her giggle. "And Ponyville looked like a good choice. Going out to the countryside, looking out over all those rolling hills. Almost felt like our own little getaway." "Well, you'll never have to worry about getting bored in Ponyville. Every day there's always something new going on. You'll never be missing out." "Sweet." Ambrose replied cheerfully, before realizing. "...I hope Vanilla's doing alright with Twilight." He pondered, looking to the ground. "Why's that?" Starlight came to a stop. "He's been pretty skittish recently, especially after what happened in the Everfree. And now he's gotta deal with all those crowds."...And that princess of yours... Starlight gave him a warm smile. "Don't worry, he's in very good hooves. Twilight may be a reclusive bookworm at times, but she knows how to make anypony feel welcome." Even though his trust was thin, hearing her say that lightened him up a bit, "I really hope you're right, I really do. The last thing I'd want is him in trouble, and I can't even help." He said, hoof to his chest. "Nice to know you two care about one another's wellbeing." Starlight said with a smile. "Of course we do!" Ambrose perked up, "Vanilla's always been by my side, even since we were foals, no way I'd leave him twisting in the wind like that!" He turned to the sunlight, feeling its warmth wrap around his coat, "Even if just a little, he's always found a way to brighten up my day." He said in a slightly joking manner. "Awww, that's so sweet." Starlight chirped in a giddy tone. Ambrose froze, shit! He'd forgotten how he looked to those of this world, a she! And with Starlight...no, she doesn't think... "However, I think there's somepony else who'd really like to hear that." She does! Ambrose's face went ablaze, "Oh no-don't worry Starlight, he knows that well enough. We just...like to stick together, y'know? As friends do when they...travel..." Starlight wore a smug grin with a raising brow, "I-I just enjoy his company, alright? That's all!" Going higher. "...So we have similar interests, ok? We just like doing the same stuff! Like...like-" "Like long, relaxing trots through the forest? The kind where it's just the two of you...alone...enjoying each other's company?" Starlight finished, cozying up next to him. "...Yes...like that..." Ambrose squeaked. This was bad, really bad! In all his flustered fumbling, he found himself a hole far deeper than he could possibly fathom! Quick, he needed to change the subject! Something, anything! "Hey, check that out!" He blurted, hastily pointing to the sky. "Hmm?" He managed to strike her attention, cranking her neck skyward. Yes, a diversion! His salvation quite literally falling from the sky! Though in this case, the proper term would be arcing, "Wow-so vibrant, really catches the eye, huh?" Before Starlight could answer, he did himself, "Yeah, uh-huh, very cool-very cool. A bit weird though, usually you see one of these right after the storm, not a couple days out from it." He pondered, as the aerial display had quickly turned. Turning towards them. "Well, that's not exactly your average rainbow."Starlight giggled, bracing herself. Whatever this thing was, it was closing in fast! The sounds of jet engines came screaming into his head, the high pitch whine piercing his eardrums and pounding into his brain. It was only a few feet out now, speeding straight ahead to collide with them in a giant, colorful crash! He panicked as he dropped to the dirt, his wings automatically draping over him for protection. But in a split second, the stream of color shot back into the sky before spinning all around them. Twisting them into the eye of a rainbow tornado, kicking up dust and leaves. As quick as it started, so did it cease. Leaving only a dark figure in the air, a pegasus. "No...WAY!" She shouted in excitement, blowing away the dust. "I don't believe it! Mellow Yellow, is that you?" Flying up close to Ambrose's face, smiling so wide he could see his reflection in her pearly whites. This one had a coat of bright cyan clashing with massive magenta eyes, wide and alert. At least he assumed they were, as his eyes were busy being assaulted by the vast assortment of colors that were her mane and tail. At least it explains why those colors were so bright. Perhaps she was colorblind. Now all that's left to guess was her name, and between the rainbow hair, rainbow streaks, and rainbow lightning bolt on her flank, he had an inkling as to her identity. "Uh...nice to see you too...Rainbow..." He guessed sheepishly. Somehow, her smile spread even wider as she quickly swooped in, wrapping him in a hug, "Yes! I knew you'd recognize me!" Oh c'mon! You're telling me the rainbow horse is named Rainbow, but the Light ones aren't related? What the fuck! Starlights eyes bounced between the pegasi, "Wait, you two know each other?" "Yeah! Well, kinda sorta." Rainbow answered, jumping back into the air, "We used to talk to each other when she would visit Cloudsdale for the flight camps way back when, as well as a few fillies fliers competitions...bleh, that's a tongue twister." "Oh yeah, the filly fliers, how could I ever forget those?" Ambrose answered quickly, "Those were soooo much fun, weren't they?" "Yeah! Though, they weren't exactly the most stellar performances those ones..." Rainbow turned to Starlight. "Let's just say Mellow here wasn't exactly all that...aerodynamic, at the time." She whispered, making a wide circular motion with her hooves. "Rainbow, she's right here." Starlight scolded. "But hey-it's cool now! Look at you! I mean, you were always big, but now you're, well...huge!" She said, spreading her hooves dramatically, "You've really been hitting weights hard. I could barely get my hooves around your barrel!" She poked his arm, quickly pulling back like touching hot coal, "Pretty sweet, rock solid." Giving him a wink. Ambrose didn't know what to say, being startled more than anything else. Because it was true in his younger years, his baby fat was quite stubborn in fading away, leading to some embarrassing expeditions in athletics. Rainbow rested her arms behind her head, "So, what brings a snowbird like you all the way to Ponyville?" "Well, Miss Mellow here is thinking of sticking around town for a while, if you know what I mean." Starlight said cheerfully. Rainbow gasped, "You're moving here? Like moving-moving here, with a house and everything?" Ambrose nodded nervously, "That's awesome!" She did an excited flip in the air, "It's gonna be great having somepony new flying with us. Oh! I can help get you a job on the weather team easily! Having you moving the clouds around would make my job a breeze." "You mean helping you move the clouds, right?" Starlight retorted. Rainbow looked away, rubbing her neck, "Heh heh...right..." She shook her head, resorting back to her upbeat personality, "So how about it, wanna go for a quick fly around? I know some really cool places for stunts." She tried to sell with a smile. "Sorry Rainbow, Starlight's already giving me a tour of the town, perhaps another time when I'm all settled in." He declined politely...and for the fact I can't fucking fly. She took it well, merely shrugging it off, "No biggie, but I'll keep your word on that." She was about to fly off before remembering something, "Saaay...where's your other half? No way you'd do something like this without him being a part of it." Ambrose pulled back, "My...other half?" Rainbow had a hoof to her chin in thought, "Yeah, what was his name...Fudgy Wudgy or something?" His eyes nearly popped out of his skull, "Uh...I think you mean Vanilla Fudge, Rainbow." "Yeah, that's it, I remember now! You guys were friends back in Colterado, and the way you talked about him was as if you were joined at the flank back home." "Oh well-yes, he's here with me, but we're split up for now. Twilight's busy giving him his own tour back in town. We're gonna meet up again at...Sugarcube Corner, you said?" Starlight gave him a nod. "Heh, he got stuck with princess egghead. Bet she's talking his ears off with little details about everything." Rainbow stretched her legs, "Well, I gotta get going, enjoy the rest of your tour-as well as Ponyville while you're at it!" "See ya around, Rainbow!" Starlight waved. "Yeah, see you soon." Ambrose used his wing to wave. Rainbow gave them a final smile and sped off, vanishing with smoke left where she stood. When everything settled down, Starlight looked at Ambrose, "So...Fudgy Wudgy, hmm?" "IT'S NOT LIKE THAT!"