I honestly have no idea how to start this story autobiography memoir... I don't even know how to classify this. Everything is true, that much I can say. It is a weird, fantastical even, tale that involves things that just don't quite make sense. They're close, oh-so-very close to the norms of the realities I grew up with, but they just don't quite make it there. Make sense.
But still, where do I start? Do I start with the magic that we used to fight and kill the demon lord before he could escape on his space ship? Do I start with the time I lost my virginity for the third time? Do I start with the first time I killed someone? There were a lot of firsts, a lot of beginnings, and strangely only one ending that I can recall.
Maybe I should start with my name, right? I mean, you're reading this, learning about my life, and yet I haven't even introduced myself. Granted, you did pick up my book which means you already know who I am thus I don't need an introduction. But still, manners, right? I've learned them so many times yet each reality is slightly different, like I said, so maybe-
That's it! That's how I'll start this off. My name is Sunset Shimmer, and let me tell you how I first met my wife.
"I'm the hero?"
That was the first thing I remember saying. There were a lot of things said and even more that were done in such a small amount of that that, if I'm being honest, just kind of blurred together. So much was happening so quickly I just had no idea what to do. How to function.
The night before, I had written to Twilight, the princess, through our book about how excited I was for her to visit. We hadn't had the ability to talk much, and even less time to hang out. She was busy being the supreme ruler of our home reality while I was doing my best AK Yearling / Daring Do impression by scouting out the (original) new one I had been living in, in search of magical artifacts that could have slipped through the dimensional cracks. Of course, making bank was just a nice side affect.
Anyway, it was one of the few nights I actually got to sleep in my own bed, in my own room, in the flat I've owned since my school days. It was nice, comfy, and still close to home- well, close to my original home. So imagine my surprise when the first thing I felt when I slowly gained consciousness was the lush texture of moist grass underneath my silk robes. The grass was nice and cool, against the fabric and I couldn't help but instinctively try to roll over.
The keyword being 'try'.
It took another moment for me to realize there was pressure resting above my waist- soft and smooth, smoother than the silk fabric that was not covering my front. Then the pressure inched slightly forward and I felt gentle prods along my stomach. Prods that moved upward.
I know at this point, I still refused to open my eyes. My name is Sunset Shimmer, not Sunrise. I have always hated the mornings and I absolutely despise those who ruin my sleep in said mornings. Knowing everything that I know about all my friends, Rainbow must have somehow convinced Fluttershy to borrow the key to my building in order to pull off this prank. Thus, it is my duty to ignore her as much as possible and continue my not-so-quite blissful sleep.
And then she pinched my nipple.
I bolted upwards. Heads met, and the next thing I could hear was the groaning of someone else that was distinctively not Rainbow Dash, nor any of my friends either. I rubbed my nose and forehead before giving off the meanest sneer I could. And the moment I opened my eyes, I froze.
If you've ever had a sensory overload, you'll know what it's like. Everything is just too much, your heart races faster than you ever thought possible, every little flicker of light feels like you're staring into the sun, the hairs on your skin instantly rise to pair with those bumps on the back of your neck, and you can just hear the world around you as if you jammed your head into a pair of Vinyl's headphones. Of course, and this is the most important part, your mind eventually shuts down while screaming, "Abort! Abort! It's too much!" thus you end up simply standing there with this dumbfounded expression as drool begins to seep from the corner of your lips.
I'd like to think I was made of sturdier stuff, I had revolted against the princess who raised the sun, only to be reformed with the regular job of taking down the random monthly magical mishap. And yet it was the sheer lace fabric on the girl beside me broke me.
See, I could handle the fact that the four foot being had soft purple percaline skin with six arms that supported her as she pushed herself off the ground. I could handle that her nose-less face contained two eyes, placed like a normal human, along with three others that arched across her forehead, all of which were simply straight black. And I even enjoyed the massive fangs that hung out of her mouth that contained a lengthy orange tongue when it was opened. And I don't even have to mention two bright green orbs the hung in the red sky that illuminated the luscious blue grass that we were both on.
Yeah, I could handle all of that. Like I said, I was made of sturdier stuff. Which is why seeing her lift herself onto her knees in a fairly seductive pose while wearing a nightgown made of nearly see-through lace that coiled into a pattern similar to my cutiemark along both her breasts broke me.
"Jeez," she mumbled, "you're awful violent for being a hero." She rose to her knees, two of them (she was still a biped), and gently placed two of her hands onto the fabric that covered her groin. Another pair adjusted the golden trimmed ribbons that kept her violet hair tied in a somewhat childish pigtail style, while her final pair of hands simply massaged a pair of eyes on her forehead.
"If the magical spell read you correctly," her voice reminded me of a younger Sweetie Belle, back in the days where my friends, which included her sister, and I were back in high school, "your name should be Sunset Shimmer, correct?" I nodded. "Yay," she gently took one of her hands and guided me before of her. "I know you're confused," a blank stare was my only response, "but my name is--"
"Your highness!" A masculine voice rang out throughout the meadow, and I instinctively looked back behind me. Sure, I wasn't royalty, but I was pretty damn close. A creature, similar to the girl next to me, was running towards us. Orange skin, covered in some type of plated armor that covered his torso yet morphed into something similar to dragon scales the closer it got to his arms. He held two staffs pointed behind him that fired different colored beams into the distance, while also managing to carry a sword and various other things. "It's a class N monster, your highness!"
The girl groaned.