“Whew, what an eventful day,” Pocket Pair thought to himself as he made his way into the school’s cafeteria. “I swear, the way stuff is going so far here I’ll be surprised if Steve Wilkos isn’t throwing a chair at someone here and yelling at them to get off his stage by day’s end,” he laughed at the thought of that, then shook his head and got in the lunch line.
After getting his sustenance ; an apple, orange juice, chicken noodle soup, and a bag of spicy chips called Blair’s Death Rain Habanero chips from a detour at the vending machine (seriously, those are absurdly hot, I’ll never know why my school found it a good idea to have them in the vending machine...), he looked around, and suddenly realized he didn’t have anyone to sit with.
“Well this sucks…. I don’t know anyone here… and that means I don’t have anyone I can sit with.” He then pondered for a second and thought “Hmm, maybe I could just ask someone I don’t know if I could sit with them… “, but he quickly sighed at the intimidating prospect of that. “Yeah, you know what, on second thought… maybe I’ll just wait until tomorrow… or next week... or maybe the heat death of the universe. “ he thought, before he made a beeline to an empty table and sat down. He sighed once again, and then made a move to begin eating, but before his food reached his mouth, he noticed a familiar lavender-skinned student entering the lunchroom and turning in his direction. “Oh, look who it is, Limestone yells a lot Pie,” he thought, immediately irritated as he recalled her aggressive behavior towards him that morning, and her lack of gratitude for how he had put himself in the line of fire to come to her aid. However, his anger turned into apprehension as soon as he noticed she was coming right at him, and looking at him with a glare. “Oh fuck, something tells me I’m about to be reacquainted with her sooner rather than later!”
Indeed, Limestone walked right up to his table, and crossed her arms, and said “Ohhh look who we have here?! It’s Mr. Hero from this morning!”
“For you information, that’s Mr. Hero CALL to you!” Pocket Pair said indignantly as he made a poker reference which went over Limestone’s head.
“Yeah… whatever,” Limestone replied, “What the hell are you doing at my table anyways? Don’t tell me you’re creeping on me trying to get in my pants again? Because I thought I made my answer pretty clear this morning!” .
“Oh come on, this bull again!?” Pocket Pair replied exasperated , “Seriously! All you’ve done to me so far is yell yell yell at me for literally no reason at all! And if you think I’d want to hit on you… or even SIT with you after how you acted towards me… you’re high as fuck, and not in the good way! Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’m going to take my food and eat where I don’t have to worry about being harassed by you.” Pocket Pair said before he grabbed his tray and made to leave.
“Wait!” Limestone said, causing Pocket Pair to turn around.
“WHAT NOW!” Pocket Pair half shouted.
“Perhaps I was a little…. harsh, on you this morning.” Limestone replied, looking down at the floor.
“A little? A little?! Wow… if that isn’t an understatement I don’t know what is? What next, are you gonna tell me that the sinking of Titanic was only a little inconveinience to those on it too?!!?” Pocket Pair said cynically.
“You know what I mean smartass!” Limestone snapped, before shaking her head and saying “Whatever, point is, you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to… in fact I might actually not hate it if you stayed....”
Pocket Pair, annoying, groaned and said “Well that depends… are you going to yell at me again over something silly?”
“I will… try not to” Limestone replied.
“Ugh...alright, fine… not like I have anywhere else to sit anyway. I swear though, one more outburst at me like that and I’m outta here!” Pocket Pair said as he sat back down. After he got situated, he laughed to himself, and muttered uder his breath “Heh, just my luck this is my reward for having dealt with those two jerks today…”
“Excuse me!? What did you just say!? Did I just hear you call me a JERK?” Limestone snapped at him.
“Ummm, nooooo,” he said “Though admittedly you’re moving closer to that territory every second you talk.” He thought to himself. “For your information, I was referring to those two bullies who got pwned by me today, this had nothing to do with you!
“Um, two? “Last I checked Diamond Tiara is only one person…you realize that right, or did you flunk math at some point?! ” Limestone stated.
“Yes, I am aware of that, and no I did NOT flunk math” Pocket Pair said, tempted to count to two on his middle fingers to her to prove it. “For your information, after I wrecked Miss Tiara, aka, the lackey backslash associate of Sunset Shimmer, I then proceeded to run into Sunset Shimmer, aka, the person she is a lackey backslash associate of, in my first class today, and after he started harassing someone too I ALSO wrecked her too!” Pocket Pair said proudly yet bitterly.
“Wait…. WHAT!?” Limestone said, shocked.
“I know right, isn’t it crazy how many of these obnoxious jerks there are in this place? If I didn’t know better I’d think this was a real life version of a fanfic site dedicated to My Little Pony I was once on where toxic people were everywhere and they continually acted out against others for their own gain without even the slightest regard to how it adversely affected them by doing things like spamming dislikes on fics they disliked for arbitrary reasons without even having the common courtesy to take a fraction of the time the writer took to edit and re-edit their work to its current state to actually explain themselves and the logic behind their actions, even when I literally asked them to in the author’s notes of the fic, and continuing it for so lonI had to disable ratings entirely just to get them to leave me alone and protect my own motivation and sanity.” Pocket Pair said. [HINT HINT] “But I digress. Not in any way specific example aside, that isn’t even the BEST part about it. The best thing was that, due to what I said to her, Sunset fucking swore in class, right in front of Ms. Harshwhinney no less, and that little ditty earned her a nice one way do not pass go do not collect $200 trip to the principal’s office. Heh, who knows; maybe if we’re lucky she got expelled!”
“You….. you fucking IMBECILE!” Limestone said, slamming her fists against the table.
Pocket Pair, taken aback by her outburst, cynically replied. “Well EXCUUUUUUUSE ME PRINCESS! I thought you’d LIKE that I helped someone else besides just you, or are you actually secretly a fan of bullying except when it’s at your expense!... and I thought I told you to stop yelling at me!”
Limestone, facepalming, replied. “Don’t act like an imbecile and I won’t yell at you!”
“And just HOW pray tell is that acting like an imbecile you jerk!” Pocket Pair replied.
“First of all, don’t call me a jerk you IMBECILE!” Limestone angrily replied, “And second of all, if you knew anything about ANYTHING you’d know that you DON’T mess with Sunset Shimmer! Why, you’re lucky she didn’t” But Limestone’s sentence was cut short as the doors to the cafeteria slammed open, and Sunset Shimmer herself stepped in, angrily began stomping towards the popular kid’s table with Snips and Snails close behind..
“Unbelievable, FUCKING UNBELIEVABLE! Detention for a fucking month! That bitch Celestia will rue the day she messed with Sunset Motherfucking Shimmer!” Sunset half said and half shouted to herself.
“I thought your middle name was Flanders…” Snails said inquisitively.
Sunset, wide eyed at Snails’ comment, half shouted again “ Oh shut the hi diddly fucking ho up Snails!”
Meanwhile, Limestone, acting quickly, grabbed Pocket Pair and pushed him under the table just as Sunset turned in their direction to go to her table.
“OW! Hey, what the hell are you doing?” Pocket Pair said, before Limestone covered his mouth over and glared at him.
“Saving your ass dipshit!” Limestone said angrily. “If Sunset Shimmer sees you she’ll make sure you regret ever standing up to her like that…”
“Oh come on, surely you’re overre” Pocket Pair replied, but his reply was cut short.
“I am NOT overreacting!” Limestone replied angrily. “Why the hell would you assume that!?”
“Really… is that so? Well forgive me then for not realizing this is the one time your reaction was in line with what someone did or said to you…” Pocket Pair replied cynically.
“I’m serious so cut it out with the sarcasm damnit!” Limestone replied, “Sunset Shimmer runs this school, she has for a long time. And if anyone, and I do mean ANYONE, does anything to even remotely threaten that, she will make SURE to do whatever it takes to ‘convince’ them never to do it again. Capiche?”
“‘Convince’.... What is she like a mafioso or something? Is Don Sunset ‘The Pony’ Shimmer going to make me an offer I can’t refuse and send a package with a fish in it to my parents to let me know I sleep with the fishes?” Pocket Pair replied.
“Yes…..ok, maybe she’s not quite that extreme, but with what she does do to she’ll make you wish she had done that thing you mentioned!” Limestone said.
Pocket Pair, still a bit skeptical, said, “Ok… fine, I’ll try to keep a low profile around her from now on. I still think you’re overreacting though given this specific situation. Sunset Shimmer seems to be more pissed at the staff for her detention than anyone else. Plus, in all honesty, I don’t think she even knows I was the one who spoke out against her. She was facing away when I said it after all.”
“.... Are you sure about that?!” Limestone replied.
“Yeah. You can trust me, I’m a poker player!” Pocket Pair replied. “I do suppose I should thank you for being cautious though, so um, thanks.” Pocket Pair replied.
“Yeah whatever, just stop being so thick will you? I don’t want to make saving your ass a regular habit or anything…” Limestone replied irritated as Pocket Pair came out from under the table.
“Ok, first of all, I saved YOUR ass this morning if you recall, so if anything you’re just even now….” Pocket Pair replied… “Second, you only saved me once, not a bunch of times like you implied where it’s some sort of trend, and FINALLY, stop insulting me all the time! It’s rude!”
“Well maybe you’d stop ACTING in a way that deserves to be insulted I wouldn’t keep insulting you!” Limestone replied, and Pocket Pair replied by majorly rolling his eyes.
Just then, Limestone’s stomach growled, and she said “Well anyways, now that that matter is resolved… I have to go and actually get some food, you think you can handle yourself without my supervision for a few minutes?”
“Yes, I think I can handle it mother,” Pocket Pair cynically replied.
“You damn well better, that’s all I can say smartass!” Limestone replied, before she took her leave.
As she left, Pocket Pair mockily said “You damn well better!” behind her back. “I swear… what is the deal with her attitude anyways?!” He then shook his head and looked around to clear his thoughts… and as he did, his eyes caught sight of a familiar female with white skin and perfect curly purple locks. It was the “Rarity” he had seen that morning and had become smitten by, and his mood immediately improved significantly. “Alright, we have the same lunch period, that will make talking to her SO much easier than relying on getting the nerve to do it based on a random encounter in the halls. I mean I suppose I could do it in a class with her too, but the. i have to worry about the teach getting mad and calling me out for it, so yeah, this is 6.02 times ten to the twenty third power easier, at least if my calculations are correct.. But how am I going to?”
“What are you looking at?” Limestone’s voice interrupted his thoughts as she returned to the table and sat down.
“Oh, um…. nothing,” Pocket Pair said as he turned away and blushed.
“Uh huh… sure.” Limestone replied suspiciously.
“Um… so uh anyway, Limestone, who is that, um, female of the species homo sapien over there anyway?.” Pocket Pair nervously replied, trying to change the subject.
“Um… I speak English you realize ?” Limestone replied, annoyed.
“Um. you know, that girl over there.” Pocket Pair said shrugging.
“Girl over there hmm,” Limestone replied deadpan… “Well judging by the fact that that includes literally HALF the people in this rook, , I think you’re going to need to be a smidge more specific if you want an accurate answer there genius.” .
“Um…. well, she has curly purple hair, white skin, a big…. um affinity for purple eye shadow,” Pocket Pair said, pointing at her to give Limestone an idea where to look.
Limestone, looking towards Sunset’s table, caught sight of who he was talking about and said “You mean the one sitting at the same table as Bowser?”
“Bowser?” Pocket Pair replied, “Who is Bowser?.”
“Bowser is who I refer to Sunset Shimmer as sometimes due to their fiery personality and bad attitude….” Limestone replied. “That way she doesn’t know when I’m talking about her.”
“Ah… ok, that actually makes sense now that I think about it. and yes, that would be the female of the species homo sapien I was referring to.” Pocket Pair said.
“”Ok then, that would be Rarity Belle…” Limestone replied.
“Wait… Rarity Belle… as in her name is ACTUALLY Rarity?” Pocket Pair said.
“Ummmm…. Yeah.” Limestone said, “Not sure why you sound surprised, it’s certainly no more unusual than Pocket Pair or Limestone...”
“My name isn’t actually…. Er um nevermind. Limestone… if one was to want to say…. Get to know her… what would be the best way to go about it… in your honest opinion?” Pocket Pair said.
“First of all, I highly doubt you want to know MY honest opinion. And second, what’s the deal with her anyway? It’s like you’re obsessed or...” Limestone said, before her eyes widened and she said,” Wait… oh my gosh…. you have a crush on her don’t you?”
“Ummmm, no I don’t” Pocket Pair said, turning away and blushing again.
“Uh huh, sure, I TOTALLY believe you in spite of your highly suspicious behavior now and earlier when you first brought her up… no really, I do!” Limestone cynically replied.
“Do I detect a hint of sarcasm,” Pocket Pair said, getting irritated.
“Oh me, no way!” Limestone replied “And in other news I’m also secretly a pony from another dimension with a half of a lime and two stones tattooed on both sides of my ass and my sister is a hero who saved the land many times!”
“Ok… I get it, you can cut the snark now!” Pocket Pair replied.
“Ugh, fine….” Limestone said… “Joking aside though I’d get that idea out of your head if I were you. Rarity is one of the most popular kids in this school… and she’d never give someone like you the time of day!”
“Hey, rude much!” Pocket Pair said.
“The truth is rude sometimes!” Limestone replied, “ And the truth is that the odds of ANY of those popular kids going out with someone like us are a million to one!”.
“.... So you’re sayin there’s a chance.” Pocker Pair replied.
“Ha ha ha” Limestone replied cynically… “Tell me, are you dumb or dumber to make that quote here?”
“Hey, it fit perfectly, I had to!” Pocket Pair rertorted, “And in any case certainly my odds must be at least SOMEWHAT better than that, I mean heck, even that lowly 72 offsuit has about 12 percent equity against the mighty pocket aces if you get it all in preflop?”
“Ummmm, I did just tell you I speak English a minute ago did I not?” Limestone replied.
“Oh, you know, it’s from poker,.” Pocket Pair replied. “You see 72 is the worst hand and aces is…, whatever, it’s not important. What’s important is that it means even riffraff can strike gold sometimes, so how can you be so down on me and assume I have no chance? I guarantee she’d like me if I could talk to her a bit.”
“Heh… as someone who has talked to you a bit… I wouldn’t be so sure of that…” Limestone replied.
“Excuse me?” Pocket Pair replied angrily
“Oh come on, I was joking, don’t get so worked up!” Limestone replied. “And in any case, what I mean is good luck even getting her to so much as LOOK your way! She’s always surrounded by her popular entourage or football horn dogs trying to take her out all the time. Though then again, given how obsessed you were with trying to be my knight in shining armor to try and bone me earlier, if you could get on the football team you might just fit right in after all!
“Hey! Cut that out!” Pocket Pair angrily replied, “I told you that wasn’t the reason I helped you a million times already!”
“Yeah, sure, I believe you, no really!” Limestone replied, snark back in full force.
“I MEAN IT!” Pocket Pair snapped.
“Oh come on… Chill out will you, I was just joking again! You really need to get a sense of humor...”
Just then, the lunch bell rang, and Limestone and most other students in the room began leaving for their next class. “Anyways, I gotta get going to my next class now so I won’t be late. I’ll, see you later Pocket Poonhound,” she cynically replied and chuckled at her little joke, before she left the table, deposited her tray, and exited the room.
“Pocket Poonhound… I really don’t know what to think of that Limestone Pie!” Pocket Pair muttered to himself angrily. “On the one hand she did try to help me from Sunset, but on the other… ugh, she is SO abrasive. It’s like she grew up on a rock farm or something!” He then shook his head, and followed the suit (poker pun not intended) of the rest of the students, and headed off to his next class, study hall.
Upon getting there, he took a seat, and looked around the room. Most of the students, save Ditzy Doo from his first class, he didn’t recognize, though it was clear at a glance that, like him, many of them had some sort of disability, though in their cases many of them manifested themselves more visibly than his did. However, he didn’t have much more time to ponder anything as the teacher, a 30 something with pinkish skin, walked into the room and said, in a high pitched sing-song voice. “Hello everyone, my name is Miss Cheerilee, and welcome to study hall. I’ll be your teacher for this semester…”
“And I shall be her assistant,” another sing songie voice with a British accent said, and as Pocket Pair turned to its source… he saw it belonged to …. who else but Quagmire… er um Rarity. “My name is Rarity Belle, and we’re going to have a great semester here in study hall! If you need anything please let me know darlings!”
“And the same goes for me… we’re here to help you.” Miss Cheerilee said, as she handed out the syllabus, and began to go through it.
Pocket Pair, however, kept his head down and was too preoccupied with dismaying thoughts to be able to really pay any attention to what was being said. “Crap crap crap crap CRAP! Out of all the people helping out this class why does it have tk be her? Once she sees I’m disabled, I’m fucked! No way she’d EVER see me as anything more than someone less than her, not by how she’s using that sing-song voice with the class. This fucking sucks Drew Pickles’ balls.”
“No, I can’t give up!” Pocket Pair thought” There must be SOMETHING I can do despite this unfortunate development. I mean heck, crazier shit’s happened in movies right? Surely there must be SOME chance to get the girl for me!”
“Excuse me, are you paying attention?” Cheerilee said, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“Um, yeah… just processing what you said Miss Cheerilee,” Pocket Pair said, trying to keep his face turned away from Rarity as he did.
“Ok, just checking” Cheerilee said, before she returned to reading the syllabus to the class.
Meanwhile, Pocket Pair made a mental note to research answers to this issue once he got home, and began looking at the syllabus like he was following along, though he was honestly more focused on trying to keep himself from being too bored at hearing the same information for the fiftieth time that day.