“BLEH HEH HEH HEH! BLECK!”
The call rang out through the halls of darkness. Count Bleck stood atop a black pillar with a white grid traced around the edges, sending his laugh out to echo back from the distant walls of his castle’s inner sanctum. Here, many pillars similar to his own towered over the ground at different heights, occasionally cast in halos by the pale-colored spirograph patterns covering the ink-black walls.
Nastasia stood next to him on a pillar only slightly shorter than his own. All the other occupied platforms were a fair distance away from and below the two of them.
“The Void has been ripped in the dimensional fabric!” He waited a moment to listen to the cheers that came from his minions. “Yes, Count Bleck is pleased. All has gone as foretold in the Dark Prognosticus. Now it’s just a matter of time until all worlds meet their demise! Bleck!”
There was a loud cheer from the largest, most muscular of the Count’s minions: a burly hulk of a man easily twice as tall as the average human. He took a posture akin to that of an ape, with arms large enough to drag his head-sized fists on the ground should he desire. As he spoke, his scraggly beard waggled comically in the air. “Wow, that’s just super, Count! Yeah, first you’ll erase all these naughty worlds… and then you’re gonna build a perfect world without war and all that other icky stuff!”
Just below the muscle was a much more diminutive creature with two legs and black hands that floated detached from the rest of his body. Beyond this, it was hard to see what he actually was, since he wore a yellow and purple jester outfit matched with a mask that told the world he was permanently smiling with eyes of joy. “Yes, yes, no one likes the icky stuff… Yesss… A perfect world... Sounds magical!” Every word he spoke sounded like he wanted to sing it, and he punctuated the end with a delighted laugh.
The third was a young girl in a red outfit, the feathered hat being the primary draw of her costume. “It would be nice if we could get rid of all the bothers already. Can’t we make it go faster?”
“I’m afraid not, dearest Lulu,” the jester explained. “Prophecies always take time to fulfill, I’m sorry to say!”
Lulu folded her arms. “Fine. But if any of you figure out a way to make it go faster and hide it, I’ll… I’ll… Well, I’m not sure what I’d do but you wouldn’t like it, so there.”
“Sorry I’m late!”
An exact copy of the beefy man who had spoken first jumped up from the floor, landing on a previously empty pillar. The first thing he did was bow to the Count. The second thing he did was realize there was an exact copy of himself glaring down at him with an amused expression. “What in blazin’ bog rats!? How’d I beat meself ‘ere?!”
A decidedly uncharacteristically feminine voice came out of the duplicate’s mouth. “Mimimimimimimimimi! Oh, O’Chunks, you big silly! Didja oversleep or something?”
“Wouldn’t be surprising,” Lulu commented.
With a burst of smoke, the not-O’Chunks transformed into a spitting-image duplicate of Count Bleck, tapping O’Chunks lightly on the head with a crystal scepter. “I guess it’s kinda hard to be on time, though, when you’ve got muscles instead of brains!”
“ ‘EY!” O’Chunks shouted, stomping the ground hard enough to shake the room. “You can’t fool me wit’ that crazy shape-shiftin’ hooligannary! Show a little respect for the Count! Yeh can’t go a’borrowin’ ‘is face, lass!”
The real Count Bleck scratched his chin, examining the replica of himself with a careful eye. “Bleh heheheheheheheh… How delightful. Almost as dapper… as Count Bleck!”
The shapeshifter changed into a perfect replica of Princess Cadence, taking a bow. “Aw, golly, thanks Count! With you around it’s nothing but big smiles all the time!” She blew him a kiss. “Hanging out with the Count! Now that’s my idea of a perfect world!”
“Suck-up,” Lulu muttered.
“Hmm…” The jester tapped his foot as if he were waiting for something while examining the shape-shifter. “And here I thought your ideal world was a gem-filled pool with hunky lifeguards.”
With a burst of rage and smoke, the shapeshifter became a massive centaur with rippling muscles. “Hey! Dimentio! Have you been reading my diary!? I mean… Um…” The sheepish expression that crossed the centaur’s face looked decidedly out of place on its menacing features. “Never mind…”
Lulu started giggling. “When will you learn that’s not a good way to keep secrets? Writing them down is just dooming yourself in the long run.”
“Bleh heheheheheheheh…” Bleck chuckled, a warm, albeit menacing, smile coming to his face. “Well, different strokes for different minions.”
“Do we really have to call ourselves minions?” Lulu asked.
Nastasia shrugged. “It’s policy now, K? K.”
“Okay…” Lulu grumbled.
Bleck addressed all four of his minions. “After these rotten worlds are ended, Count Bleck will make all your dreams come true! But for that to happen, we must follow the instructions of the Dark Prognosticus.”
Nastasia tapped her foot. It wasn’t much, most of the minions didn’t even realize it had happened, but it was enough to get the Count’s attention before she started talking. “Yeah, about that, just an FYI? I’ve got an urgent memo for your inbox. Apparently there’s been some unapproved interdimensional activity lately, despite the Heart’s Lock. Yeah… I’m thinking it’s probably the hero of prophecy.”
Count Bleck turned to her. “A dimensional interloper! And possibly the hero? Are you sure of it, Nastasia? ...Interesting,” mused Count Bleck. “We must put an end to this nuisance…”
“Count Beck!” O’Chunks shouted, drawing the attention of the room to himself. “Lemme get this right in me brain. The ‘ero Nastasia’s goin’ on ‘bout… He yer enemy? Then you gotta cut me loose on ‘im, ye gotta!” He beat his chest like the gorilla whose posture he mimicked so well. “I’ll give ‘im a nice taste o’ O’Chunks!”
Count Bleck tipped his hat in O’Chunks direction with a smile. “Very well, I’ll leave the hero-chunking to you. Do not fail Count Bleck.”
“Yeh can count on me, Count! I’ll rain down like a fat thunderstorm! I swear it!” He turned to the other minions with a cheesy grin, pointing at himself with his thumb. “Yeh should tag along! Yeh could witness a proper chunkin’!”
O’Chunks jumped away, off on his mission.
“You all know he’s going to lose terribly, right?” Lulu asked.
“Quite,” Dimentio admitted. “But I do enjoy a good chunking… It doesn’t matter who is on the receiving end!”
Lulu put a hand to the bridge of her nose. “Oh, bother, you’re going with him, aren’t you?”
Dimentio gave her a thumbs up. “Ciao!” He vanished in a burst of warping space.
“I’m going to wait for some information on this hero,” Lulu continued. “Running headfirst into danger is just… silly.” She glanced at the shapeshifter, who was still a centaur.
“W-what? What did I do?”
“Nothing.” Lulu narrowed her eyes. “Yet.”
“Bleh heh heh heh…” Bleck drew the attention back to himself. “So, hero… You who would defy Count Bleck. Hurry, for your world’s end draws near…” He threw his hands wide and laughed to the room once more, sending the echoes throughout his castle.