//------------------------------//
// Evacuation 
// Story: The Invisible Brony Defense Force 
// by SoullessDCLXVI 
//------------------------------//

PREVIOUSLY, ON IBDF

"We need.. to fucking BAIL!" I shout, as much over my own pain as the roar of battle.
"But we're winning!" Pascal shouted, appearing to enjoy himself. I was about to explain our predicament, when it became bad enough on it's own to render such conversation moot. On the horizon a field of headlights and armor created a cloud of dust as it approached. The familiar sound of chopper blades slashing the air grew and faded as they passed us by, heading directly to Canterlot. The ground force was roughly 10 times the one we were fighting. With APC's and jeeps and everything.

"So.... what the hell happened?" Pascal asked.
"EMP. Electro-Magnetic Pulse. Worked wonders, if I do say so myself." Technia answered.
"Technia, I could kiss you." Arrow chirped.

"What have you done with her!"  A guard asks, not entirely politely, I might add.
"Shit all." Pascal says,
"She put herself to sleep teleporting us here." Snake adds. "Does that matter?! There's a threat against Canterlot!"
"Changelings?" A guard asks, appearing to believe our answers, but still not moving his spear.
"Worse!" Syntax shouts, irritation growing.
"That's it!" Pascal pulls out a nightstick that cackles with arcing electricity.
Whoomp
"What the--"
Smack
Ooof!
"Hey, wait I sur-" Thud.
Pascal holsters his weapon and wipe-claps his hands in a motion of success and completion. "Okay. Stage 2 complete. High Scores?" Pascal mimes writing in the air. "AAA. 'Cause I'm too lazy to do my real initials. But let's be honest, you all know it was me that got that number one spot." Technia facehoofs, and the rest of us resist following suit as we trail behind Pascal through the gate.	
...................................................................................................................................................................................................


The castle wasn't just enormous on the outside, it was enormous on the inside as well. And while this discovery was not unexpected, it didn't deter the gasps that escaped us. In front of us was a long hallway with a fifty foot high arched ceiling. The ceiling that wasn't the evenly spaced enormous windows was gold and covered in fantastic art that would put DaVinci and Michelangelo to shame. The walls of the hallway were a snow-driven white, and had a number of doors on each one. Mirroring the wall opposite it. Each door led to a myriad of rooms each large enough to house my entire house. Stacked on top of itself. Fifty times. Door ways on each of the four walls in each room were large enough to fit an SUV. And each room seemed to serve a purpose. Ornate dining halls, decorative meeting rooms, and I think I saw one at the end that housed a bowling alley. Odd.

Trudging our way through the main hallway to what we assumed was the throne room, we weren't stopped at all. The guards only gave us funny looks. Obviously they thought we had permission to be here. Well, I certainly wasn't about to correct them. We arrived at the huge doors at the end of the hallway and Technia coughed. Attracting the attention of the guards stationed outside.

"Um... we're here to see the Princess of the Night. Princess Luna. It's vitally important. If we don't see her soon lives could be-" Technia's once slightly timid to now suddenly impassioned speech was interrupted by one of the guards.

"Yeah yeah yeah. Go on in. Seriously, you delegates take everything too seriously. I'm sure ponies will live if thier taxes are altered a few single percent points, honestly if was that important you'd bring it up to Princess Celestia."

"LIEUTENANT!" Snapped the guard next to him. "You know better. We don't need an international incident on our hooves because you can't use the few muscles you have active tonight to move your eyes long enough to watch your tongue!" The guard, identical to the other except for the addition of a grey five o' clock shadow, turned to face us. The fire in his face gone and replaced with a small apologetic smile. "I apologize emissaries, it's been a long week for my friend here. Princess Luna is waiting for you in the throne room. I have to say, I didn't know there was monkey kingdom on the other side of the world. Hay I didn't even know there were sentient apes! But you guys seem to be doing very well for yourselves. I hope your visit is fruitful and your kingdom prosperous." with a bow the doors behind him briefly glew white and opened revealing a throne room straight out of the show. Well the hallway was, anyway. I don't recall seeing the actual thrones in the show yet. But the stained glass windows and the banners were all there. In the center, right at the door, was dark blue alicorn who was laughing her flank off.

Once the lunar princess had composed herself she led us into the throne room and closed the doors behind her. She eyed each of us an introduced herself to Pascal, who completely ignored her, choosing instead to get revenge on some green pigs. Strangely, Princess Luna skipped over Technia completely. As though she weren't there. Curious about why Luna had been laughing, as well as to why she chose to ignore Technia, I voiced my confusion.

"Do you know how long it's been since I was Nightmare Moon?" was her response.

"No." I answered simply. Wondering where this was going.

"Five years. Five years I've spent every night here handling Night court. Guess how many creatures have come into this castle during that time with the express purpose of meeting me for any reason, business or otherwise?"

"Um.... 1,000?" At this Luna smiled a little.

"Less."

"950"

"Less, not even that may digits." Less than a hundred??

"90?"

"Divide by ten."

"What? Nine? That's it? Well, I guess with our presence you can bump it up to ten, that double digits at least." Arrow said, hoping to cheer up the lunar diarch.

"No, you fail to see my meaning. With your presence I can bump it up to nine. Before you beat your way in here it was one. And that pony was my sister. So you'll excuse me if I don't feel like introducing myself to some random pony who's finally got enough ovaries to set hoof in my throne room. Especially if she needed you as escorts."

"Excuse me princess, but a couple of months ago I walked on two legs and ate meat. Since I've been here I've been stationed in the Everfree. Believe me, if I could have been here and talked to you before then, I most certainly would have."
Technia brought a hoof to her face, as though guiding glasses that had fallen down her nose back up onto her face. Of course, there were none.

Luna went wide eyed. "You were once one of these creatures? What was it you said you were called again?"

"Humans." She answered.

"Oh, my. I apologize for my blunder and outburst, miss..?"

"The name's Technia, Princess. And I forgive you completely."

"Please, I'm not your princess. No need for formalities here."

"Yes you are." all but Pascal said in unison.

"No--"

"This is all well and fun and all, really I was looking forward to the bowing even. A little surprised you people didn't do that right of the bat. Especially you, Moon Priest. But I believe we have more urgent matters than small talk and killing zombies with peas?"

Quietly, Syntax voiced what I, and more than likely everyone else was wondering, "Zombies with peas...?"
Pascal waved his phone, showing the colorful game screen of Plants vs Zombies. Obviously eager to get on with it.

Of course, the subject change snapped me back to reality. Ah.. balls. I actually forgot about that. "Princess, we need to protect the city. I'm afraid that Canterlot is under attack." Luna eyes widened in anger.

"And thou think to wait this long to tell Us!" She stamped a hoof, her eyes flashed momentarily. All of us, surprisingly even Pascal, immediately flattened ourselves, the more vocal of us begging apologies.

"You people are really easy. You know that?"

Bravely, I hazarded a glance at the throne. And Luna was just smiling. "Did... did you already know?"

"This castle has more than walls you know."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

Looking behind me she said "You see that image of Discord being vanquished by the elements? What is that image on?"

"A stained glass wind..Oh, I see." Looking through the image I could make out the field we had fought on. A flicker of light the only evidence of the tank scout force that we had decimated.

"So why isn't there like, a shield around the city? Why is everyone snug in their homes? Why isn't there a flurry of activity?"

"Well, I watched you defeat that force. Besides, Canterlot is the most heavily fortified city in Equestria. I'm sure we can handle whatever they'd throw at us."

It was Technia that spoke up, "We didn't defeat that force. We merely temporarily immobilized it. It's still coming. We have about an hour, assuming they don't send something else before they recover."

"I thought EMP blasts were permanent." Piped up Snake.

"Normally, yes. But the rules are slightly different here. Not to mention the Military has been working on EMP defense systems."

"Okay," said Luna "But if they're still coming it still doesn't matter we can handle--" She trailed off as Technia gave a huff and left the throne room. Only to come back dragging a very annoyed Pegasus guard from the throne room doors. "Um.. what are you doing with my guard?"

Technia ignored the Princess, instead she spoke to the guard she brought in. "Using your weakest, non melee attack, destroy that bust."

"Where those always there?" I whispered to Pascal who just shrugged and gave a non-committal "I dunno."

"I don't take orders from civilians."

Curious to see where this was going Luna urged him on. With a sigh of boredom the guard reached on his person and took a small knife bereft of a handle and threw it right into the mannequin's (ponyequin's?) head. Other than a small tilt back before regaining it's stance and a gleaming new eye accessory, the ponyequin remained unfazed. "Now Syntax? Sam order, try an keep it military." With a shrug Syntax pulled out a deagle and fired. The Night guard and Princess were on the ground covering their ears with their hooves. The rest of stood like nothing happened, apparently we've gotten accustomed to the noise of gunfire. Twilight, though, was now now very awake. And very annoyed. "DAMN YOU SYNTAX THAT WASN'T FUNNY THE FIRST TIME! AND... hello Princess Luna. Long time no see. Where are we? Oh, right." The ponyequin head was missing, as was most of it's neck. The wall behind it was sporting a new hole at the center of a spiderweb of cracks. 

The pony night guard was obviously impressed, rubbing a hoof along one of the larger cracks. "That was your weakest attack? It blew a hole right through the marble!"

"You have war machines, right Princess? Or you at least at one time? Trebuchets? Catapults? Flaming arrows?"

"Equestria hasn't had much use for them in the last few centuries, but we had them before I was Nightmare Moon."

"If the guards throwing knives are analogous to Syntax's gun, imagine what your people's war machines are analogous to?"

"Holy horsefeathers we need to evacuate the city. Guard, sound the alarm! We need to get everypony out now!"

The guard, still entranced by the damage to the wall, jumped about a foot in the air before scampering off through the throne room doors, shouting the entire way. Not long after the sounds of an air-raid siren wailed in the distance. Out of the window I had peered through earlier the distant lights of the city began to flicker on one by one.

"Wow, the city seems so distant from this vantage point." I say, marveling at the illusion.

"What are you talking about? That window does not face the city." replied Luna, confused.

"They managed to override the EMP already?!" shrieked Technia, having realized what the lights I had seen truly were. Technia bolted out of the castle

"Where the hell are you going?" called out Syntax.

"There's something I need to do, gather all the unicorn and earth ponies together! The pegasi can fly away on their own!" She called back, the last sentence barely reaching our ears. Luna, Syntax, Snake, Arrow, and I exchanged nods. Each of us silently communicating, 'You heard the mare, get to work'. Twilight was out of the loop, still recovering from fatigue and that rather jarring wake up call. And Pascal was still just not givin' a fuck and was still messin' with his phone. Humming what I'm fairly certain was 'Hush Now Quiet Now'. For some reason, that gave me the fuckin' creeps.

Exiting the castle we were greeted by a familiar sight. Mind you, it was familiar because I watch action and sci-fi and the occasional bit of fantasy. So a medieval looking town freaking the hell out over a alien invasion? Familiar. Just the first time I've seen it in 3D, or acted out by cute ponies. Actually, the cute ponies made thier hysteria hilarious and I had to fight back chuckles. Though Pascal was having no such qualms.

"This...." he chuckled "Is the funniest Faust-damned thing I've ever seen." and the he lost it. Rolling with laughter he failed to stop even when Luna's death glare nearly ripped in half. Even continuing when she addressed her subjects. Of course, Luna's presence helped stem the panic and thus Pascal's levity.

"CITIZENS OF CANTERLOT. THE CITY IS UNDER ATTACK BY AN UNKNOWN AND POWERFUL RACE. EVERY PEGASUS NOT ON THE ROYAL GUARD IS TO FLEE IMMEDIATELY TO CLOUDSDALE. BRING NOTHING WITH YOU. UNICORNS AND EARTH PONIES ARE TO GATHER IN THE CITY SQUARE. ONCE AGAIN, BRING NOTHING WITH YOU"

Like a flock of startled pigeons, pegasus ponies that were peppered throughout the city took off at once. Their wings beating the air with the sound of feathers before becoming specks on the horizon minutes later. The remaining ponies, whose number had not appeared to shrink, were no longer screaming and running wild. The fires that had begun were even being put out as ponies made thier way to the city center. Though the ones on the edge burned brightly. At least until pegasus guards made some rain storms to douse the flames.

"How do they do that?" I wonder out loud. Until now I had figured that part of Equestria was myth. The storms that we had been graced with every dusk and dawn had been very natural in thier manner, despite thier Twilight-like need to be right on time.

"Oh, well it's quite simple, really-" started Twilight, once again conjuring her lecture glasses. I wonder if teaching people causes her eyesight to change?

"Okay, I'm done, are the ponies gathered?" Technia, sweating profusely, ran up to us. A small smile played on her muzzle. "Cause we need to get the fuck out here, like now" she pointed a hoof toward the approaching lights. They appeared to have halved the distance. Squinting. Arrow pulls out the night vision goggles.

"Uh, guys. We've got a problem. Technia's more right than you know. That's a bloody A10 on it's way here." Technia, Synatx, Arrow and I feel the color drain from our faces as ice grips our blood.

"Technia, for the love of Luna, please tell me you have a plan." Luna's only reaction to my turn of phrase is a raised eyebrow. But otherwise ignores it as she turns to a suddenly animated grey unicorn mare.

"Yes! Quite right! I need you all to follow me, and any ponies you want to live need to follow me aswell. Make that happen. We have but minutes before Canterlot is destroyed."

"HOLY BLEEDING HORSEFEATHERS YOU ALL NEED TO COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!" Luna screamed at the gathered pones. (I guess that works...) Who didn't hesitate to scream and calmly follow their Lunar Goddess. The disconnect between thier actions and and sounds was jarring to say the least.  Technia led us, and the panicked ponies, to a large rectangular section of mountain that seemed to have been pulled out as though it were a drawer and the mountain itself the cabinet. On it sat a vary large cargo plane. And on that sat a myriad of badass weaponry. Once again, I was looking at something that simply did not belong. Anywhere. The back of the plane was open, creating a convenient ramp for it's passengers who were following a surprised looking Luna into the plane.

"Technia... how...."

"You see the weapons right? Well, That's not all I put on this thing. There's so much computing power in the cockpit alone I could probably send a probe to Uranus-"

"Really, Technia? Arrow is rubbin' off on you-"

"Shut up. As I was saying. Even with all that tech, to get this behemoth made was still taking too long. So I stuffed it full of weapons. Which is awesome considering what'll be in our rearview. Also, There are probably enough Xbox's and HDTV in the hold get a BTB match on Halo Reach going." I'm the last one in I close the cargo bay hatch and make my way to the cockpit.

"So where are we-" I don't finish my question when I see our pilot. Or rather, lack thereof. Leaning back into the cargo area and leaning away from a TV, I pose a new question. "So uh... who's piloting this thing?" Technia facehoofs.

Syntax bolts up and nearly runs at me, trying desperately to get in the cockpit. Of course if he'd have just waited, I'd have moved. But now it was an uncomfortable squeeze as muttered apologies and grunts fly every which way, and 12 limbs try and make thier way to freedom. Finally Syntax makes it into the cockpit and I have room to move around in.

"So, you can fly huh? Neat." I say, leaning on the cockpit doorway. Syntax says nothing while he flicks switches and his gaze hovers over every light. He grabs the intercom radio.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts this is your captain speaking..... I'm about to fly a plane, BOOYAKASHA!"

"Wait, what?" Once again letting his actions speak for him he grabs the gear shift thingy and presses forward, launching the plane in the same direction and me in the opposite.

"Ow... motherfucker"

"Flaps, flaps flaps, Ah! Here the are!" He flicks a switch and the plane jolts suddenly. The ponies letting out panicked gasps. "Shitshitshit, that was the landing gear." I hear him mutter, and he flicks the switch again. "...that could have been bad. Oh here they are. Duh." With more confidence than last time he eases the plan into the air. I breath a sigh of relief. But the feeling doesn't last. Just as the landing gear makes it's way into the body of the plane, this time on purpose. The aircraft and it's many, many passengers were rocked. Luna and I do a quick head count and we find that no one's hurt. Thankfully. I climb one of the ladders that leads to a 360° mounted machine gun with a glass dome. Using the handles on the gun to pull myself up I take a look around for what could have caused the boom. What I see makes my heart drop. Directly behind us, a massive tower of fire and smoke. Littered among the flames are are the remains of once proud and ancient buildings. The entire city has been reduced to rubble. The skyline forever changed. And, as if that just wasn't enough a loud thunderous crack can be heard even over the roar of the jet engines strapped to what should've been a propeller plane. The floor of the city. The floor that had been built to accommodate the weight of an entire metropolis, buckled. Gray and brown plumes of dust, smoke, and pulverized metal blanket the once great city as it falls of the face of the mountain. Snuffing out the majority of it's own flames in the fall.

"Your people are truly a force to be reckoned with" Startled, I nearly slap Luna across the face, or I would have, if she were not somehow resting comfortably outside of the dome.  I note that, like me, she has a single tear decorating her cheek. "I'm sorry, did I startle you?" I rub my own cheek and try and play it cool. 

"Nah, that's how I always react when greeted suddenly and out of nowhere."

She doesn't buy it, but ignores it. "What reason could they have for such violence?"

"I have no idea, Princess. I'm sure if I did, I'd either be famous for creating world peace or dead. The peace lovers on my world tend to have a nasty habit of getting assassinated. By the way, how are you doing that?"

She waves a hoof dismissively "We can fly faster than this. We might aswell be on a rather fast chariot, honestly." 

"Hmm?"

"I mean, I. It's an.. old habit."

"Oh, right, The 'Royal We'." From beneath me an electric voice drones out, muffled by my position.

"Ladies, Gentlecolts and Bronies, we are arriving at the greatest little town you ever did see. PONYVILLE. Get ready for some awesome 'cause I think we're out of gas anyway. Hold on to your dinners, cause we're about to make an emergency landing!" The cheeriness in his voice his disturbing considering he basically just said "We're about to crash." And right on cue the tell tale sputtering of fuel-less propellers I'm not gonna ask, I'm not gonna ask, I'm not gonna ask. preceded the whistling of an aircraft in a nose dive. 

"Welp" came Syntax's voice on the intercom "Looks like we're all about to die. If someone could do me a huge favor, and give me a hug, I'd appreciate it." This of course created even more panic, unbelievably. Though one white pegasus with blonde curly mane did try and make her way to the cockpit.

Through the utter chaos no one seemed to notice the plane slowing down gradually. Nor did any of them grasp the leveling of the floor beneath thier hooves. Though some did see the slow opening of the rear cargo door. That some being me, Arrow, Snake, Technia, and maybe four ponies. Eventually though, the ponies realized they should be dead by now, and weren't. And calmed down into a fearful, but relieved state of confusion before resting thier site on Princess Luna calmly standing the threshold. Once the last scream died Luna simply stated "You may take your leave now. You are safe. Twilight and I have guided you into a safe landing." The embarrassed ponies slowly made their way out of the airplane, slowly because it was packed tighter than a can of sardines up a 12 year old's ass. About a half hour later our group finally made it out of the claustrophobia inducing vehicle. Only to be graced with a very strange sight. Behind Luna, were six ponies. Six very specific ponies. One of whom I actually consider a friend already. But, that wasn't strange. That was just awesome. No, what was strange was what was written on the banner that was raised above them.



WELCOME CANTERLOT REFUGEES AND MONKEY CREATURE THINGS THAT ARE A LOT LIKE LAUREN FAUST
Oh and you too grey unicorn that wasn't always a pony but was also a monkey thing