//------------------------------//
// Chapter 3: Books 
// Story: Millennium Tokens 
// by Ice Star 
//------------------------------//

"I'm afraid I just don't get it," Rarity said. She tapped a forehoof to her muzzle, and her head was cocked to the side, which let her curls tumble just so. "What is it that makes this something Discord would like?"

Twilight Sparkle stood on the tips of her hooves and gave a delighted little cough in her throat. "Well, you see, it's not just any book—" Here, she held up the stately volume for emphasis, letting the gold-edged pages catch in the light. "—this one is about the Roaman emperor, Incitatus."

"That's certainly a suitable choice," Princess Celestia said with perfect library volume. Though, the hush of her voice was hardly a detraction from how she towered above every shelf in the bookstore or the bulk that her mane and tail presented to the aisles. Nopony would be able to get past her. Everything about her stature presented indicators that this bookshop had not been built with her in mind.

"You think he has a fondness for — ah — Istallion history, darling?" Rarity's expression was one of confused helplessness: one of her ears was swiveled to the side, and one eyebrow was raised in a similar fashion. 

"Well... kinda?" Twilight rubbed the back of her head with a forehoof and kept the book levitating next to her. "He's lived through so much history. Didn't you say he was older than you, Princess Celestia?"

The Alicorn nodded. "He is approximately a few centuries older than Luna and I. Discord is very well-traveled, and though he has been to the Western Continents, I don't believe it was when the empire of Roam still stood. He does love Brayzil, though. I know he's seen Arcadia, Neighpon, Saddle Lanka, and Trampylvania. He's told me how he has met the elk, fallow, and axis deer of Cervidaine at least a few times. Incitatus is certainly not a familiar tale to him, and he still knows the Eastern nations better, just as Luna and I do. The history here in the East remembers him better too — the Southern Continent has the nation of Colthuacan, where you met some of the Coltmecs in Tenochtitlan Basin. Their worship of Discord was strong, and uninterrupted even when he was encased in stone." 

"I'm... afraid I still don't know why Discord would like this particular book," Rarity said. Her eyes lingered on the cover: it bore the image of a stallion's strong silhouette, with a laurel crowning his head. The book's color was the same rich purple as Rarity's mane and tail.

"Incitatus was crazy!" Twilight piped, earning a glare from another patron a few shelves over that she balked sheepishly at. "He was the third Roaman emperor, after Jove Caesar and his nephew. In fact, Incitatus was a descendant of the latter's granddaughter. Incitatus was driven to obtain as much power as possible, he built lavish projects for himself, and ordered the execution of all the Praetorians who failed to execute him four years into his lengthy reign. He even tried to make his pet chimp a consul! See, crazy! He was an evil, infamous pony — certainly no Bucephalus the Great."

Rarity blinked. "So... you mean to tell me that when we invoke the oath of 'Jove' we are... referring to this lovely family?"

"That is indeed so," said Princess Celestia with a neutral tone that was just as unreadable as her expression had become.

"How... lovely..." Rarity mumbled, wincing with a touch of exaggerated shock. "Perhaps I ought to mind my words more than I do. To think I'd been invoking such ghastly tragedies this whole time." 

"Do you think he'll like this book, Princess?" Twilight asked, looking toward the shopping saddlebags that Rarity had gone through the trouble to procure when they entered the shop. It was a necessity when it came to dating Twilight Sparkle. 

"I think Discord would like to eat it, Twilight," Princess Celestia admitted, eyes slightly downcast with the weight of undiscernible thoughts, "I'm afraid that he isn't a big reader."

Twilight gulped. "Is... is there any book he won't eat?"

"He generally does not eat books that belong to other ponies," Princess Celestia said.

"Ah-Ahem," Twilight risked her little cough, but shied away from the pointed look she wasn't capable of giving her goddess. Scrunching up her muzzle with the memory of Discord's reformation would have to do.

"I did say 'generally' — and I replaced every one of your lost books when you reported the inventory he consumed to me."

"I'm s-sorry, Princess... I didn't mean to scorn your generosity, it's just the thought of books being eaten—"

"I am well aware of the trouble it causes you, Twilight Sparkle," Princess Celestia said evenly, giving the younger princess a level stare. "I also know how firmly you believe in there being books out there for everypony — even Discord. I appreciate your help very much, but I must let you know, there is no exception in terms of content I can think of that Discord will not consume."

"What about... cookbooks?" Rarity offered weakly.  

"Those are apparently some of the most flavorful," chimed Princess Celestia.

Twilight's brow furrowed. "What if we look in a different section of the store?" she said, before lighting her horn and teleporting them to an unoccupied section in a burst of magenta.

When the spell's power faded and the last after-blink of the magic was gone from their eyes, Princess Celestia and Rarity looked at the new titles presented to them.

"Would Discord like poetry?" Twilight suggested. She had replaced the history book before casting the teleportation spell and now held up a new volume. The cover of this book was decorated with an elegant, swirling script and pictures of hot air balloons and pegasi sharing floating tea parties. 

Princess Celestia's neutral, placid smile slipped into a typical expression of hers, one marked by blankness that wasn't enough to be confusion, disappointment, or much of anything. It was one that Twilight Sparkle was accustomed to seeing — it was unwavering, ever-polite, and neither patient nor impatient. She had seen it on the face of her goddess every time her teacher waited for her to complete a test before she came to Ponyville. 

"Ah, it dawns on me... I'm not entirely sure if Discord knows what poetry is. He might think it's just a fun way to speak, a way to tease and deliver prophecies. I should have mentioned that before we trotted over to this store, shouldn't I?”

"Oh!" Rarity gasped. Her horn was lit with a particularly brilliant blue spike of her magic. "I do think that I might have found something that would suit the literary tastes of Discord splendidly!"

Immediately, Twilight turned to meet her marefriend's gaze. Princess Celestia only offered a single, slow blink and calmly turned to look in Rarity's direction. Of the two of them, Twilight Sparkle was the first to lean over and look at the cover.

"The Dun-Witch Horror?" she read aloud. "I've heard of that before — I've never read it, and I can't think of many ponies that would want to. The author wasn't known for... being a good pony." Twilight accepted the book into her own aura as Rarity passed it to her, and flipped it around to look at the author's portrait on the back depicting a grim-looking earth pony stallion with a long face. He was wearing a dark suit, and in his hooves, he held an adorable cat. "He wasn't exactly known to write anything... especially nice—"

"—about other creatures, or the world they dwelled in. All sorts of nasty monsters and ideas lurk in his imagination," Princess Celestia finished. "I've always felt guilty knowing that my little ponies could enjoy such frightfully weird fiction. Many authors have had their works banned from my nation for incorporating the types of things that this very strange, sad stallion held as convictions in his personal life and other, less fantastical writings." 

"And that's why I'm sure Discord would simply adore this book!" Rarity exclaimed. She gave a happy little hop in place, then made a strange, momentary grimace. "Imagine having a coat in as ghastly of a color as dun! Why, imagine all the dye that somepony would go through just trying to stay fashionable! I think it is quite appropriate to gift Discord a horror novel about the crimes against aesthetic sensibilities committed by some witches—"

"Umm, Rarity?" Twilight interrupted sheepishly. She pawed the floor with one of her forehooves and squinted more closely at the back cover of the book, looking towards the summary positioned just above the author's portrait. "This isn't a book about witches. 'Dun-Witch' is one of those odd little pastoral village names."

"Oh," Rarity said, all the light in her eyes had dimmed. "Then I can't possibly say that I have even the faintest guess of what this book might be about," she said, taking the book back so she could reshelve it. "Twilight, dearest, how is it that you manage to find the right book for absolutely everypony, but the three of us can't come up with a halfway decent idea on one book for a draconequus?"

"That's easy!" Twilight Sparkle said. She smiled sweetly at Rarity and linked one foreleg around her marefriend's withers before nuzzling her. "I pretty much only ever gift everypony books! It's one of the few gifts I've always known how to do well!"






History is a joke
to those who live
longer than it will be
and have written it
more times than 
they were in
the starring role.