//------------------------------// // Regret // Story: Hope and Shadows // by dlazerous //------------------------------// Hope and Shadows Chapter 12 "Regret" By Steven Little My Little Pony © Hasbro What does it mean to hurt so much you can’t go on? What would you sacrifice to have others look at you without fear? What would you do to silence the screaming in your mind? How could you live with yourself, knowing the pain you’ve caused others? What would you give to wipe all the pain and sorrow in your life away? And, what lengths would you go to get it all back? Celestia ran after Discord but when she exited the club he was gone, vanished, erased from the landscape as though he was never there. Disturbed by the white alicorn’s sudden exit, Luna and Twilight rushed after her. "Sister, what's wrong?" Luna asked. "It's Discord, there’s something going on with him that has me concerned. The way he spoke back in the club was odd to say the least, It didn’t seem like him." "That's Discord for you. He's random it's what he does, who he is." Luna said. “Yes sister but there was a finality to his voice and he called me Celest, he hasn’t called me that since before his petrification.” "He did seem stranger than usual.” Twilight said. "Here comes Garnet, he brought Discord with him, maybe he knows what's going on." Celestia walked over to Garnet and taped him on the shoulder lightly. "Yes your majesty, is there something I can do for you?" "Why did you bring Discord with you tonight?" She asked. "I'm not upset, just curious." "I went to see him and to thank him for helping Dinky and Dawn. He asked how they were doing; he was genuinely concerned for them. I also invited him to my wedding. I told him that sooner or later, this town was going to try and include him in the day-to-day events. Ponies were going to try to be friends with him. Only those of us he made immortal know who he really was. I told him this was a sort of clean slate for him, a chance to start over. He looked lonely so I invited him to the concert; it was good practice being around other ponies in a social atmosphere, everything else you know." "Did he say anything else to you?" Luna asked. "There was one other thing before we walked into the club but I wouldn’t be a good friend to him if I mentioned it, it's not my place to say." "Did you Pinkie Pie promise or something?" Twilight asked. "I made no promise or oath to keep his secret. I’m his friend, it wasn’t necessary." Garnet said sternly. "I’m sorry Princesses, but I will not betray what was told to me in confidence." "You would not be a good friend if you had." Celestia responded. "I will continue this inquiry in the morning with your help sisters, I feel the wine is inhibiting my better judgment." "Come with us Tia, you can stay with me and Twilight for the night. It's not the Palace but I hope it will do." Luna said. "Thank you Luna. I'm sure it will be fine." =============================================================== The next morning found Princess Celestia refreshed and ready to face the day; the events of the previous night seemed like a dream caused by alcohol and stress. The Princess shook her head, clearing the last of the cobwebs of sleep from her mind. 'Discord was just being Discord.' She told herself. 'I'm sure everything is fine and he'll just get a laugh for all our worry.' Looking out of the balcony window of her room, Celestia noticed that while it was still dark, the moon had already been lowered. After raising the sun she walked out into the dining room to find Luna and Twilight breaking their fast with a light fruit salad. "Good morning Celestia, please, join us." "Thank you Twilight, I must say it does look delicious." Celestia complimented her. "It wasn't all that special." Twilight said, smiling slightly at the compliment from her old teacher. "It was just some chopped up fruit and a little honey." The white alicorn swallowed the small mouthful of fruit she was eating and daintily wipe the corners of her mouth with a napkin levitating in her magic. “Be that as it may, it’s still quite delicious.” “So, will you be returning to the palace today, or can you sneak away to spend the day with us?” Luna asked her sister. “I suppose I could, I have no appointments today and the courts have been quit as of late so yes, I think I can sneak away for a bit I simply need to send a letter back with the guards to collect me later today barring any emergencies.” Celestia informed them. “However, I do want to check in on Discord. There’s still something about the way he was acting last night that has me concerned.” “Nothing bad I hope?” Twilight asked. “I’m sure it’s nothing, I just have a nagging worry in the back of my mind.” Celestia said, trying to reassure her sister-in-law. After breakfast the three alicorns stepped outside the house with a scroll levitating next to Celestia. "Thank you for breakfast, the meal was delightful; I'd almost forgot what simple wholesome food tasted like. I shall have to ask the cooks back at the castle to add more simple foods to the menu." Walking over to the awaiting coach and the two solar guards attached to it. “Excuse me sirs, I will be spending the day her with my family, if you be so kind as to return to Canterlot and collect me later this evening, I would be most appreciative.” Celestia said sweetly. “Please give this scroll to the Captain, it will explain everything.” “But Princess, we can’t leave you here unprotected.” One of the guards pointed out. “My dear Winterhoof, should I need any sort of protection while I’m here in Ponyville, I have my sister, Twilight, and the rest of the Elements of Harmony to protect me. You can be assured that I will be fine on my own, thank you, you are dismissed.” Princess Celestia told him. Rather dejectedly, the two guards galloped off and took to the air, traveling back to Canterlot. "Speaking of the Elements of Harmony, I think it would be prudent to gather the rest of our friends before we check in of Discord; If he is up to something, I think it would be wise to have a way of defending ourselves." Luna cautioned. "Yes, you are correct. I do hope it won't come to that though." Celestia said. “I’ll get Rarity and Rainbow Dash if you two will get the other three.” Together, the three alicorns made their way around ponyville gathering each of the Elements of Harmony. =============================================================== Standing at the entrance to the forest Rarity leaned against Spike, gathering her breath. "I do apologize, I seem to get tired much easier these days." "That's alright sugar cube. It can't be helped." Applejack said. "Dear, are you sure you wouldn't rather ride on my back? It's no trouble really." Spike offered. "I think this time my pride will just have to suffer, I don't want to be a burden on the rest of you." Rarity said. Spike knelt down and allowed Rarity to climb aboard, lying on her side atop his broad back. "I'm ready darling we should continue. After what you described, I fear the old Discord may return. I'd hate to go through that again." "I understand, shall we continue then?" Princess Celestia asked. The group of ponies and Spike continued down the manicured path until finally reaching the ancient home of Celestia and Luna. "Oh Tia, it's exactly as I remember it!" Luna said, her eyes full of wonder and tears. "How is this possible?" "Garnet told us that Discord had rebuilt the palace with his magic. The path and bridge as well." Spike informed her. "Should we knock?" Fluttershy asked. "Why, this is our old home. Just because Discord restored it does not give him claim to it." Celestia responded. Opening the door and walking in, they noticed that the inside of the old palace was just as exact as the outside. The white alabaster columns and walls with gold trim were as bright and clean as the day they were put in place. The red carpet that covered the marble floor, laid a path to the main hall. Walking into the hall they found the sculpture than once held the Elements of Harmony but was now a fountain with fragrant flowering plants in the holders that once contained the elements. "I guess he took some liberties while rebuilding." Luna commented. The ponies noted a movement behind one of the royal purple wall hangings. Rainbow Dash flew quickly to the wall hanging, diving behind it. "Hey you, I got ya, come out of there." Rainbow tugged hard pulling Kirin out from behind the cloth by his tail. The dragon-pony crossbreed immediately feel to his knees prostrate before the Princesses. "I'm so sorry your majesty’s. I did not mean to intrude upon your home; I woke up here this morning. I have no idea how I got here. I've been trying to find a way out but I seem to be lost." "Discord, what are you up to?" Luna asked. "Your grace, I think you have me confused with somepony else. My name is Kirin." Celestia was about to speak when Twilight held up her hoof. "Kirin, do you know who I am?" "Yes, of course I do; you are Princess Twilight. Eighteen years ago you married Princess Luna in a mass ceremony with the other bearers of the Elements of Harmony. I do apologize that I could not attend at the time." "Rise Kirin and please be at ease." Luna commanded. Looking over to her wife and sister in law she gave them a worried look. "He's telling the truth.” Twilight said. “I've been using my lie detection spell on him this whole time, thinking he might be trying to trick us. He really doesn't know who he is." "Begging your pardon majesty, I know who I am." "Who are you then?" Applejack asked, still a little skeptical. "I am Kirin both by name and by nature. I am a friend with you Pinkie and you as well Rainbow Dash we go pranking every Thursday. Garnet, where is Garnet he will vouch for me, we've been friends for ages." "Garnet is at home preparing for his wedding tomorrow." Rarity said. "Yes, he is to wed Apple Bloom, she's your sister Applejack. He invited me to his wedding yesterday. He told me you were feeling weak Lady Rarity. I was meaning to come talk to you about it today, when I woke up here." "Enough." Celestia commanded. "I'm not sure if this is some sick joke or not but I'm not taking any chances." "Princess Celestia, I found something over here by the fountain." Fluttershy said. "What is it Shy? Is it food cause I'm really really hungry." Pinkie said. "When aren't you hungry Pinkie?" Rainbow asked. "No, I was looking at the carved stone animals around the fountain and I found that the little baby dragon carving was holding this scroll. There is a note on it that says it should only be read by Princess Celestia." Celestia levitated the scroll to her and quickly opened it. "Celestia If you are reading this right now then know that I am gone. After visiting with the ponies during the concert last night I realized that the only ponies that did not fear me or distrust me were the ones who did not know me. Even you, after all my attempts to make good, to help others as you always wished I would; still held an opinion of me tainted by the past. And so, if it is Discord that everyone hates and fears then I will remove him. Each of us is the product of our memories and collective experiences. I have erased every bad memory every recollection of pain and suffering from my life. My parents, the nobles of Equestria, every pony that has ever ran screaming from me; and you. You are quite possible the most painful of my memories. I loved you Celestia and I'd like to think you loved me too at one time. The knowledge that I will never be able experience your affection again is more than I can bear so if I cannot remember it, I cannot miss it. Please be kind to Kirin, I fear he will not be as resilient as I once was. Goodbye my eternal Princess." Celestia dropped the scroll unable to speak. Her legs buckled under her and she fell to the ground weeping. Spike and the other ponies ran to her side, afraid the scroll had been cursed. Twilight snatched up the scroll after assuring herself is was not bobby trapped and read it with Luna looking over her shoulder. "Is everything okay? Is she hurt?" Kirin asked concerned. Celestia grabbed the unfortunate Kirin and forced him to look into her eyes. "This is another of your tricks isn't it?" She shouted at him. "Please, tell me this is a trick." "I'm sorry your majesty, but I don’t know what you're talking about." Kirin said as calmly as he could. Celestia raised a hoof to strike him but when she saw the fear and abject terror reflected in the innocent eyes of the cringing Kirin, she simply broke down crying again. "Damn you Discord!" "It's okay Kirin." Twilight said, shepherding him off to the side. "The Princess will be fine we just need to give her a moment." "What the hay is going on Twilight?" Applejack asked. "Yeah, one minute we're coming here to see what's going on with Discord and the next thing we know the Princess is crying like someone broke her leg." Rainbow said. "It's not physical pain Rainbow Dash." Rarity said, her own eyes filling with tears. Both her and Spike embraced the Princess. "This kind of pain comes from a broken heart. Both Rarity and I know it well." Spike said. "A broken heart?" Applejack asked. "But that would mean…" "Yes, before Celestia and I had to turn him to stone over a thousand years ago, Discord and my sister were; involved." Luna said. "He was a different pony back then." Luna approached the apprehensive Kirin. "Kirin, I need to check something with you, would that be okay? I promise, I will not harm you in anyway." "As you wish your majesty. Is there anything I need to do?" He asked. "Just hold still until I tell you to move." Luna's horn lit up as her mind reached out to his. A powerful spell had recently been at work and Luna could not even hope to counteract it. "Okay Kirin, it is safe to move now. I've finished." Luna walked back over to her sister and her wife. "What's the verdict?" Twilight asked. "The memory charm he used on himself was extremely powerful. He didn't just erase parts of his memory he filled in the gaps with false ones. I doubt the three of us together could break the spells hold on him." Luna explained. "The only pony I have ever come in contact with enough power to break something like that is your Mother. The last time I felt her presence, magical power radiated off her like light from the sun." Celestia looked up at Twilight trying to control the tears the fell from her eyes. "I have tried to contact mother on many occasions only to fail. I don't know how she can help." "The only two times she spoke to me was when I was imbued with the power of all the Elements of Harmony. My studies have suggested that if we can reproduce that, we may be able to contact her." Twilight informed her. "If you think you can Twilight, I trust you. Is there anything we can do to help?" Her former teacher asked. "Luna, dear. Could you go back to the palace and get the elements? We're going to need them." Twilight asked. There was a flash of light and Luna was gone. "But I thought only Princes Celestia could get in there." Rainbow said. "I changed the lock some time ago so Twilight and Luna could enter the room as well." Celestia informed them, trying to compose herself after her emotional outburst. She walked over to a still fearful Kirin. "I'm sorry I almost hit you, can you forgive me?" "Yes, yes your majesty. I would say I understand how you feel, but I can't. This whole time I've been trying to look back and remember my life but I keep finding gaps like how I came to Ponyville. How it is that I know about all of you. I don't even know what I do for a living." Kirin shook his head. "This is all very confusing." Luna appeared back in the room suddenly, causing Kirin to jump out of shock and grab onto Princess Celestia. "You're kind of jumpy aren't you?" She asked. Kirin quickly released the Princess. "I am so sorry!" "Not at all." Celestia said, blushing slightly as she remembered what it was like to be in his arms again. Luna distributed the Elements to their respective ponies finishing with Twilight. "Thank you for getting them so quickly, that will save us some time. Twilight said. "Now Luna, while I don't really think it would matter, It seems your mother was closest to you so I need to use your mind as a common environment where we can gather the power we need to make contact." "But, no, Celestia was always mothers favorite." She protested. "I don't think so." Twilight said. "While you were Nightmare Moon, when we freed you that first time, there was a power protecting your true self. When I approached it, the energy receded from you and it spoke to me, it was your mother. She protected that true part of you all those thousand years and I think that’s why you weren’t able to contact her, Celestia; she was using so much of her energy to protect Luna. I think this is best; each time she made contact with me, we were on the ethereal plane accessed through your mind, Luna. I think it has to be done on that plane or it doesn't work." The two alicorns smiled at each other. "When I make the connection, each of you will have to place a hoof or claw on either myself or Luna. It has to be direct contact you can't connect through another. Kirin, you will be first. Rainbow, make sure he and Celestia make the connection." "You got it Twi." She said. =============================================================== Twilight and Luna leaned toward one another touching their charged horns. Twilight put a hoof over Luna's cutie mark and she did likewise. After a short moment, Luna and Twilight found themselves inside their home. Kirin appeared next them followed by Celestia. One by one each of their friends materialized in the shared unconscious environment. "Why are we back at the library?" Rarity asked. "I thought it would be better to have a familiar background." Luna said. "It's fine, I don't think it matters what the environment is." Twilight said. "Okay Twilight, we're all here; what now?" Applejack asked. "There's one more thing I have to do so we can make contact." She said. Luna hugged her wife tightly. "Love, are you sure about this? There has to be another way." "I wish there were but I haven't been able to find anything. Both times your mother contacted me these precise conditions were in play. It has to be reproduced honestly and faithfully or I don't think it will work." She said, nuzzling Luna. “I know where you’re going my darling, that dark recess of your mind that you’ve tried to hide from me. Just promise me you’ll come back.” Luna implored her. Twilight would not answer her; instead she addressed the rest of the ponies there. "Everypony listen closely, this is very important. No matter what you see or what you hear you cannot interrupt me. You may feel a tug at your own energy and when you do, try to let it go just like last time." The others nodded in silent understanding. Twilight walked away from the group and sat in front of the fireplace, staring into the flames. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and searched her own memory for that well of darkness and pain that had burrowed into the deepest recesses of her mind. The room slowly vanished leaving a black void surrounding them. "What's going on?" Fluttershy asked nervously. "It's Twilight's thoughts, they're overpowering my mental image. Brace yourselves, this is likely to be unpleasant." A manically laughter filled the environment as Nightmare moon walked out of the shadows. A lavender unicorn also stepped forth from the void, her luminous presence banishing the darkness before her "You will not have her!" "Twilight?" The image of Luna asked in disbelief. The unicorn stepped between Luna and Nightmare Moon. "Twilight Sparkle, so good of you to join us. I don't know how you got here but now I can destroy you and regain control of Luna." Nightmare Moon cackled. "My night just keeps getting better." The ponies sat and watched the familiar scene unfold in front of them. Kirin leaned over to Celestia and whispered not wanting to disturb anypony. "I remember this. I don't know how but I remember every detail of this event. Shortly, her other five friends will appear followed by you. They'll call the Elements of Harmony to them and battle with Nightmare moon." "I'm not surprised, you were there. You didn't make your presence known at the time but you were there. I had the scratches on my left flank to prove it." Celestia informed him. "You mean I…" Kirin trailed off and turned beat red. "Your majesty, I'm sorry. I'm sure I didn't mean to violate you in such a manor, please accept my apologies." "I'm sure you did mean it at the time, but then you weren't the same Kirin then as you are now." The deranged Nightmare Moon only laughed. You can't hurt me; you don't have your precious elements to help you this time. Without them you're weak and no match for me!" "Don't be so sure of that." A tall elegant alicorn stepped from the shadows. "You took my sister once before and twisted her innocent soul. I won’t let you have her again." "Celestia!" Nightmare said spitting the name out. Kirin whispered to the Celestia again. "You were magnificent Princess." "Thank you." She said softly, a slight blush creeping over her cheeks. "I don't believe it!" Cried the evil mare. "How can this be?" Twilight jumped out in front of the others. "You'd better believe it, and with the Elements of Harmony, we'll defeat you once and for all." "Not if I kill you first." She said as she threw twin blades of energy directly at the lavender pony. "No! I won't let you hurt her!" Luna ran in front of Twilight, shielding her from the blast. When the smoke had cleared they found Luna lying on the ground. Her wings had been shorn off. Celestia and the six ponies gathered around the fallen Princess. "Why did you do it Luna?" Twilight asked through the tears streaming down her face. "You could have been killed." "I couldn't let her hurt you." She said weakly. "I love you Twilight Sparkle." Twilight knelt down and kissed the purple mares cheek. "I, I love you too Luna." She whispered, as Luna seemed to pass out. The image of Twilight looked at her hooves covered in Luna's blood. The other ponies in the scene seemed to disappear slowly, leaving Twilight alone with a dying Luna and her still bleeding wings lying disheveled on the ground near them. "No, Luna, please don't leave me! I'm sorry, I didn't mean for this to happen! I love you, please don't leave me!" Twilight yelled out, cuddling the image of Luna lying on the ground. Twilight's five friends and Spike tried to run to the image of Twilight but Luna extended a leg barring them. "It's not her. That is just an image of her. I've always feared this to be one of Twilight's worse nightmares." "You knew about this?" Rainbow Dash asked. "We had talked about her guilt issues but I had no idea it went this far. She’s hidden this away for so long that even I couldn’t see it. She and I will have to have a very long talk after this is over." The image of Twilight screamed into the darkness. "Somepony, anypony please help me! Don't let her die, not like this!" A blinding light seemed to appear in the distance, growing brighter and warmer as it neared. As the light drew closer and closer it began to take shape. An elegant hoof wrapped in a golden hoof guard stepped forward from the light as though it were a carriage. This hoof was followed by three more. Her legs were toned and shapely, atop them was a fit and healthy body wrapped in the whitest of fur. Her outspread wings were large, powerful and commanded an impressive wingspan. Around her lithe neck, covering her chest was a breastplate of gold that held at its center a single diamond and a single black onyx. Her beautiful face was flawless and framed by a mane the same fiery red and her long flowing tail. On her forehead, between her piercing sapphire blue eyes sat a long white horn. Sitting atop her head, encircling her horn was a golden crown of laurels. Folding her wings she walked through the image as though it were not there. The ponies parted allowing her to walk to Twilight unhindered. Placing her horn upon the crying mare she spoke softly to her. "Dry thy tears Twilight Sparkle. This pain was not required to gain our attention. Thou had but to call out our name and We would have come." "Queen Faust, thank you for coming." Twilight said, trying to compose herself. Luna ran to her wife, hugging her and trying to offer her comfort. "Don't ever hide things like that from me Twilight, I mean it." Luna scolded her. "Ahh, daughter, it gladdens our heart to see thee again. Where is thy sister? Celestia, would thee hide from thy mother?" "I am here mother." Celestia said, stepping out from behind Kirin. "Come to us daughters We would embrace thee." She said smiling. "Oh mother, nopony speaks like that anymore, and the Royal We, is never used now. Even I stopped doing that after a while." Luna said hugging her mother. "Oh dear, are We out of fashion?" "Just a smidgen mother." Celestia said smiling, embracing her mother tightly. "I that case, I shall adopt a more modern form a speech. Does this suit me better?" She asked. "Much." Her daughters said in unison. Twilight cleared her throat causing the three older alicorns to notice her. "I really hate to break this up but we have a small problem concerning a certain draconequus." "Oh Twilight, do not think I forgot about you." The queen said embracing her daughter in law. Luna whispered in Twilight's ear. "Sorry, mother is a bit of a huger." “So, have you two figured out your connection yet?” The High Queen asked Twilight and Luna. “Connection your majesty?” Twilight asked, “Surely you’ve wondered why you two could read each others thoughts and feelings from time to time?” She asked them “I thought it was because we understood each other so completely.” Luna said. “Oh, that’s only part of it.” She said. “I’m sure, in time you’ll figure it out, you’re both very smart.” The High Queen said with a smile. "I’m beginning to see where Luna and Celestia get their sense of humor, your majesty, but we have a very serious problem." Twilight insisted. "Twilight, dear. When you married my daughter you became part of this family and there are two things you must remember. One, call me mom or mother. Never refer to me by my title when not in public. Two, family always comes first. Before duty, before responsibility, family always takes precedent but then you practically are family aren't you Kirin?" She said turning to face the others with them. All the ponies, Spike and Kirin lay prostrate before the High Queen. "Rise, please, you seven are as much family to me as Twilight. Rainbow Dash, how is your son? Well I hope." "Yes your majesty, he is doing much better. Almost all his feathers are back and he's to be married tomorrow to his marefriend Honey." Rainbow said proudly. "That's wonderful, Honey is a very lucky mare." She said. Queen Faust walked up to Kirin who had been sitting by himself. "Oh Kirin, what am I going to do with you? You've really gotten yourself into a mess this time haven't you?" "Is there anything you can do for him mother? Can you remove the memory charm he cast on himself?" Celestia asked. "I can sense your urgency in this mater my daughter but do not blame yourself for this turn of events. You are not entirely to blame for this. Yes, you should have told him how you really felt, especially after returning your sister immortality to her but Kirin jumped to conclusions far too quickly and overreacted to the situation." The High Queen sighed. "To answer your question, yes I have the power to break the curse on Kirin but I lack the ability." "You cannot restore my memory your majesty?" Kirin asked. "I'm sorry, I am prevented from directly interfering in the events of the living, however, Lord Sleipnir didn’t say that I couldn’t show you your life, so that you can at the very least see who you are even if you can't remember the memories themselves. In time your memory will return but I have no idea when that may be."