//------------------------------// // My Life as a College-Age Pony (Momlestia, Continuity) // Story: A Band of Misfit Losers Hunt the Undead // by Rune Soldier Dan //------------------------------// Things were not better in the dorm room. The petitely-ponified Sunset sat in Applejack’s lap, quietly fuming as the endless petting failed to abate. “Come on, guys,” she grumbled. “I can’t stay like this forever. One of you needs to call up Twilight. She’ll be able to figure out what implausible magi-science hoo-ha is doing this and how to fix it.” “Sure thing,” Applejack said, scratching at Sunset’s tailbone. “Absolutely,” Wallflower said, rubbing her ears. Rarity and Fluttershy busied themselves petting her back and side. None of them moved to comply. Again. Sunset released a groan, earning awwwww’s of adoration. “I think some ambient magic is turning you all into morons.” Adagio sprawled on the couch next to them, tapping on her phone. “Shut up, Sunset. If you hate it so much, why are you on her lap?” “Bite me, it’s warm.” Sunset tucked in her legs, forming a teeny pony-loaf to a fresh round of awwww’s. “I don’t have much body mass so I’m not retaining any heat. I’m freezing in here.” “I’ll get her a bwanket!” Fluttershy sped to Sunset’s room. “You’re also purring,” Adagio noted. “Everything purrs!” Sunset yelled. “It’s weird that humans don’t! Now shut up and call Twilight.” “God, only you could bitch about being a super-powered space wizard getting stroked by hypnotized babes.” Sunset forced her reply out through grit teeth as Fluttershy swaddled her gently with a blanket. “Adagio, I have class tomorrow. I can’t use my gun, I can’t use my phone, and I can’t make sweet love to my girlfriend.” “Technically, you can still do that last–” “Nope. Nope. Nope.” Sunset banished the resulting image from her mind. Rarity put a tiny fedora on her head, to a chorus of awwwww’s. “Adagio, your utter indifference is my only chance. Please call Twilight.” Adagio peered at her from over the phone. “Just so we’re clear, I would actually kill to be in your shoes right now.” Sunset took an angry bite of an apple slice Applejack held up for her. The girls awwww’d. “Then kindly call her, so we can remove this source of jealous friction from our usually-functional friendship.” Adagio arched an eyebrow. Sunset snapped. “What!? I’m hungry!” “So gwumpy,” Wallflower said. She gave Sunset a big hug. “Fine, fine,” Adagio sighed with put-upon exasperation. “But only because I like you, and not in a gay way or anything. You’re easy on the eyes, but you’re like a really righteous and nosy bottle of vanilla.” “I love you too, Adagio,” Sunset snarked. Somehow, a smirk wormed onto both of their faces as Adagio tapped her phone, then held it to her ear. Her expression froze as Twilight’s panicked jabber came in loud enough to be heard in the room. Thirty seconds later brought no sign of her slowing, and so Adagio cut in. “Whoa, whoa! Chill, Twilight, we got ‘em. Baddie dead, Sunset got away with murder… I’m fine too after someone tried to shoot me, real cool that everyone keeps asking.” A pause. A slow smile. “Sunset didn’t text you about it? What a terrible friend.” It was the last straw. Sunset hurled herself from Applejack’s lap with a bestial roar, which came out a bit higher-pitched and squeakier than she planned. A new set of awwww’s came as she landed hard on Adagio and lunged for the phone. One explanation later, Sunset could well-imagine Twilight pushing up her glasses and smirking proudly. “It makes perfect sense.” “Does it?” Sunset asked. “Of course! Your natural form is that of a pony, so the powder turned you into one. From the limited information I’ve been able to gather, alicorns have much more intrinsic magic than unicorns, probably too much to be contained in a human body. If Star Swirl’s – um, that is Equestria’s Star Swirl – theories on mirror magic hold up, your body knows to stay in a form it can handle until it’s safe to transform into line with this world’s standards.” “I still have so many questions.” “And science has the answers!” Twilight said cheerfully. “How do I turn back? Why didn’t this happen when the princesses came over? And why am I an alicorn!?” “Oof. Science usually has the answer,” Twilight clarified. “Even my princess clone doesn’t know much about the whole alicorn thing. Some combination of genetics, magic aptitude, and rude violence in the defense of justice. Maybe you turned at the Band Battle five years ago, maybe when you beat Tirek. No one can answer that one.” “Cool, thanks,” Sunset grumbled. “As for the rest,” Twilight went on more confidently. “The princesses turned into humans when they came through the mirror. At that very instant they were no longer alicorns, so no absurd levels of magic for them to be biologically incapable of handling.” Sunset sighed. “This is crazy.” “I know! Isn’t science amazing?” Twilight squealed gleefully. “How do I turn back?” “Easy-peasy. Ponies draw in magic from their environment, and Earth has way less natural magic than Equestria. I think that’s why you came out tiny, too. Start casting spells until you expend enough magic to turn human again.” “You could clean my room,” Adagio said unhelpfully. “It’s so cute that she’s talking on the phone,” Fluttershy whispered, also unhelpfully. Sunset ignored them. “I gotcha. Thanks, Twilight. I might be from over there, but you’re definitely our resident Equestria expert by now.” Twilight chuckled bashfully at the praise. “Maybe not Equestria. But the magic side of things, definitely.” Sunset hung up. Adagio peered over. “Joking aside, you can get it done right now. Turn the couch into a potted plant or something. And if that don’t work, change it back and forth until it does.” A safe idea. Sunset shook her head. “Nah, I… think I’ll do something else. Don’t wait up.” Her horn glowed. Magic flashed, and Sunset disappeared from the dorm. A knock sounded on the front door. Luna wasn’t expecting anyone, so she didn’t answer it. The knocking went on for one minute, then two. Whoever it was wasn’t leaving without a fight. Luna paused her game, grumbling quietly as she approached the front door. She undid three locks and swung it back. No one on the porch… strange. She looked left and right. “Down here.” Luna obliged. Sunset grinned up bashfully. “Hi, Aunt Luna.” Luna blinked. Then she shrugged, and held open the door. “Hey, Sunset. Want some coffee?” A bit late for coffee, but neither of them were wonderfully responsible with such things. Sunset trotted inside, letting a relieved smile find her lips. “Yeah. I’ll take it black.” Luna busied herself with the stove while Sunset levitated a few text books to boost her in a dining room chair. They chatted as the water boiled, then over their cups. When the story was told, Luna gave a grimaced half-smile. “Little fucked with the cops and Harshwhinny… I don’t know what the right answer is. You start wacking humans and the cops get a lot less tolerant. I’d say next time to call them and leave out any mention of monsters, but hopefully there won’t be a next time.” “At least they can’t pin a fireball on me in court,” Sunset said. She took a long, satisfied drink of her coffee. “But that’s all over with. I’m here to talk about my magic.” Luna quietly raised an eyebrow as Sunset went on. “Magic can’t do everything, you know? At least, not working with what I got in my body. No perfect resurrections, no million dollars. I think I can turn something metal into really weaksauce gold and make us like a couple grand, but with a good amount of power and one chance to use it, I want to do something better. Permanent. And while humans don’t have a lot of magic, I think I can make a lasting enchantment for you and mom that your body fuels by itself.” The eyebrow went higher. “So what do you want? Stronger, faster? I can add a glamour to make you more commanding, or something to make you feel more confident.” “‘Feel more confident?’” Luna laughed. “Holy shit, I’m not that pathetic.” “…Anymore, anyway.” She waved down Sunset’s stammer, turning her head to grin at the setting sun in the window. “I’m… I’m fine, Sunset. I know how I was. Tia got me this job, got me in the business, got our house and did all the work for it.” Luna chuckled and took a sip. “Ten fucking years later, I’m finally moving forward. Seeing you grow, seeing her branch out… it’s weird, I wasn’t jealous and I didn’t feel pressured, I was inspired. I’m going to go with her to Hawaii when that finally happens. I’m doing my share of the housework now. And I’m talking with her and actually doing lunches with Harshwhinny to learn how to lead a group of hunters. If Tia ends up having a kid she is absolutely retiring, and someone will have to take over.” She nodded, more to herself than Sunset. “If you move home after college and she hooks with Torch, that’ll mean five people under one roof. We’d need to upsize, and I’ve already got it planned to buy a junk house with Torch and D.I.Y. the shit out of it. So yeah, I’m in a good spot. I… like who I am. Who I’m becoming. I don’t need magic to help me along.” “Okay,” Sunset said. Her horn began glowing faintly. “Can I just do a quick thing with you? I promise it’s nothing crazy.” “Just don’t mess with my brain patterns.” “Deal.” Luna closed her eyes, and Sunset’s horn glowed brighter. Blue magic washed over Luna, then disappeared. Sunset nodded deftly. “Done. You would’ve gotten colon cancer in thirty years, not anymore. And I fixed your stomach lining but you should probably wean down the coffee a bit.” Luna paused with the cup halfway to her lips, then set it down. She turned a snarky smile on her niece. “Okay, I get the curing me thing, but how do you know all that?” “It’s magic, I don’t have to explain shit.” Sunset shrugged and poked out her tongue. “Where’s Mom? I already know what to do for her.” Luna gestured to the stairs. “Basement, putting together silver bullets. And hey, now it’s my turn to do something quick.” She stood, and in one smooth motion scooped Sunset up and hugged her tightly. “You have no idea how hard it was to not do this from minute one. You’re so frickin’ cute.” “Thanks, Aunt Luna.” Sunset favored her with a nose-nuzzle. She hopped down, approached the stairs, then took a long moment to appreciate just how huge they seemed in her current state. Very slowly and carefully, she climbed down a step larger than she was. Then she remembered she had wings, and launched herself down with a slow glide. Sunset didn’t visit the basement often while living here. She never thought much of hunting’s logistics in her teenage years, more interested in being a paladin for the school in-between her hangouts with the girls. Only this year had she realized how much work Mom put in so she could gallivant around blasting monsters. Bulk silver had to be purchased, melted, and molded, then placed carefully in brass casings with gunpowder. A process by hand, for every single bullet she ever shot. A tedious, precise labor, unfairly delegated to the most responsible hunters. Folk songs twanged from an old cassette player on one of the high shelves. The basement was one large mix of workshop and storage, with silver bars stacked next to good china plates and ancient photo books. The bejeweled, crystalline war hammer that defeated Tirek leaned in one corner with webs stretched from shaft to wall. Work tables with half-assembled guns and carefully-packaged rockets ran along the walls, sectioned apart by shelves and the odd smelter. Celestia sat at her work desk, facing away from Sunset and carefully measuring out doses of gunpowder for the shells. She wore a beat-up old Wondercolts sweater and hummed tunelessly with the music. Sunset watched her for an extra moment. The long, slim hands worked with confidence born of endless repetition. The colors of her hair seemed a little less vibrant than when she brought Sunset home for the first time, though that may be just the basement’s light. Only three-odd years ago. A lifetime. Sunset’s horn glowed, bringing a brighter blue than its norm. Celestia did not notice at first. Her mind simply drifted to the memory of Sunset’s first night at the house. A fold-out bed, a maroon blanket, and an embarrassed good-night kiss after Sunset fell asleep. Then Sunset helped kill the vampire in the graveyard, allowed on the hunt only out of fear of her going off on her own. Sunset was scared, and Celestia was there to comfort her. And Celestia… stayed. Celestia paused in her work as every memory flowed. Day by day, weeks and months, Sunset and Celestia. Sunset and Mom. It all came too quickly to be natural, yet was not uncomfortable at all. Like a deep and placid sea of memories. Most happy, some otherwise, each adding a small piece to the message rapidly forming in her heart. Sunset’s power touched the tiny bit of magic that made Celestia, Celestia. They linked, mingled. And Celestia at last perfectly understood just how very much Sunset loved her. Celestia placed a hand over her mouth. Tears flowed down her face. Also… her diabetes was cured. Right now, that was almost an annoying distraction. Sunset reached around and hugged her from behind, broadly enough to grasp Celestia’s shoulders with her hands. “What was that?” Celestia asked in a daze. “Just a little magic,” Sunset said. “Want to hear the story?” Celestia glanced to the analog clock on her desk. “It’s getting late. Do you have time?” “Yeah. I think I’ll spend the night.” Celestia reached up and held Sunset’s arm. She swallowed heavily. “That makes me happy.” They stayed there for a last few minutes, silently gripping each other until Celestia rose and they climbed the stairs together.